THE ORGASM GAP

By Skylar Hansford

It’s known as the orgasm gap, the pleasure gap, or orgasm inequality — and it’s the term coined to describe the disparity in orgasms between couples. Studies have used orgasm inequality to measure and show sexual satisfaction among different demographics. And while a satisfying and healthy sex life can’t be measured purely by how many climaxes people are having, studies have found that there is a considerable diff erence between the number or orgasms between men and women in heterosexual relationships.

The disparity isn’t just found between heterosexual couples however. It has been found that lesbian and bisexual women have signifi cantly more orgasms than hetero women. Similarly, there is an orgasm gap between women when they’re alone versus when they’re with a partner. A recent study found that 39% of women say they’ve always climaxed when masturbating, compared to 6% during sex.

Another study conducted by Durex (yes, the condom company) found that 20% of women said they don’t orgasm, compared to 2% of men. Three out of four women said they can’t achieve orgasm during sex. And while 30% of men said they thought the best way to help a woman orgasm is through penetrative sexual acts alone, more than half of women pointed to clitoral stimulation as a way to make them climax. Researchers from the Archives of Sexual Behavior assessed the sex lives of over 52,500 adult Americans and found that the group most likely to always orgasm during sex were heterosexual men. 95% said they usually or always orgasm. 65% of heterosexual women said they usually or always orgasm, the lowest of all of the demographics studied.

According to Dr. Laurie Mintz, while writing about the gap for Psychology Today, “the orgasm gap is a cultural problem.”

The orgasm gap has been attributed to a number of things — almost always based in knowledge (or lack thereof) about the human body.

Understanding your own anatomy is fundamental to knowing what you like and feeling empowered to show a partner how to achieve it. As an example: typically, the clitoris is presented as something that people either can’t fi nd or don’t understand. However, a YouGov study found that confusion surrounding the vulva is shared by all genders, while locating the clitoris isn’t so much of a problem. When asked to label a diagram of a vulva, 58% of people couldn’t describe the function of the urethra. 47% didn’t know what the labia was and 52% didn’t know what the vagina was (or that there was a diff erence between the vagina and the vulva). Some used euphemistic responses such as “lips.”

Another contributing factor to the orgasm gap, which is also largely responsible for the lack of basic sexual/anatomy information — we don’t talk about it. And we tend to shame those who do, or tell them it’s inappropriate to talk about. We shy away from talks about sexual health and wellness because it’s still considered largely taboo. We’re afraid to be spotted leaving “adult stores.” And while we struggle to fi gure out what to teach in school as far as basic anatomy, we overlook how many adults would benefi t from continued learning about how to have good sex — not just learning about safe sex.

If we explore our general prudishness around sex and orgasm talks we begin to see another type of “gap” appear. The staggering number of advertisements (in print and on television), aimed at those with a penis, that we are inundated with daily versus the lack of the same type of ads aimed at those with a vagina. Think about it… it’s incredibly common to be watching regular cable TV and see multiple ads for erectile dysfunction medication — making note in said advertisements to “ask your doctor if you’re healthy enough for sexual activity.” Can you think of an advertisement like that aimed at those with vaginas that wasn’t a birth control ad? Which is more about safe sex than helping to have a fulfi lling sex life.

Dame Products is aiming to change all that. Dame, a women owned/founded sex toy company (whose products are almost exclusively aimed at those with a vagina), said they aim to “close the orgasm gap.” And they’re doing it in a big way: by suing, and winning their lawsuit, against the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority.

Dame was founded in 2014 by two women — one a certifi ed sexologist, the other an MIT engineer. Together they developed the Eva, a hands free clitoral stimulator, and it became the most crowdfunded sex toy in history. In 2016, the Fin (another clitoral stimulator product) was the fi rst sex toy allowed on Kickstarter. And in 2019 Dame fi led a discrimination lawsuit against NYC’s Subway system.

In the lawsuit, fi led with the US District Court of the Southern District of New York, the company said it had been in negotiations with the MTA since July 2018 on approving its ads to be posted throughout New York’s subway stations. The advertisements were going to include a range of vibrators and other sex toys in various shades of blue, green, pink, and burgundy with headlines like “91% of men get where they’re going while 60% of women… don’t.” But in December 2018, the MTA unexpectedly denied the company’s request, citing new additions to its advertisement policies as seen on its FAQ page. “The MTA Advertising Policy prohibits any advertisement that promotes a ‘sexually oriented business,’” the page reads, noting that “advertisements for sex toys or devices for any gender fall within this category.”

This came as a shock to the company, who had at that point spent approximately $150,000 of its limited resources to incorporate the MTA’s feedback, submit revised advertisements, and order additional inventory, all in reliance on the MTA’s representation that it would accept Dame’s materials.

The company submitted various rounds of edited advertisements to the MTA, but the fi nal version was ultimately rejected, labeling Dame as a “sexually orientated business, which has long been prohibited by the MTA’s advertising standards.”

Not subject to this same rejection? Similarly suggestive advertisements for dating websites or products/medications aimed at people with a penis to help them have an easier time getting an erection. Dame argued in their suit that the MTA had a double standard when determining which ads were too provocative, calling out sexually provocative campaigns from companies like Roman and Hims, which included photos of cacti in the shape of penises.

“Sexual pleasure is a critical part of wellbeing. Denying Dame advertising space stifl es our ability to articulate the value we bring; to innovate and develop products for female sexual pleasure; and enforces sexual shame as a societal norm,” said Alexandra Fine, CEO of Dame.

After three years, MTA recently announced its settlement with Dame, confi rming that Dame’s “Get In Touch With Yourself” campaign will begin appearing in New York subways over the next few months. Helping to normalize the conversations around sexual pleasure in general, but more specifi cally, helping to break down the taboo of talking about sexual pleasure when it comes to the vagina VS. the penis.

Coinciding with this settlement, Dame announced its new Clinical Advisory Board where its medical advisors will weigh in on product development, hardware designs, workshops, etc. Noting that this will make their off erings “the fi rst doctor approved” pleasure products on the market.

Dame products can be found locally in Wenatchee at For The Love Of It, NCWs premier source for all things intimate.

Skylar Hansford:

(sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA. C