withinder

withinder:dating bios for the self-aware

Dating is tricky. Online dating even more so, and we all may be tempted to put our best foot forward on our profiles. That photo of you bungee-jumping off a helicopter over a volcano. Proudly displaying Radiohead, Beck and David Bowie in your shared Spotify playlist but hiding the Milli Vanilli and NKOTB. And most importantly, taking a pair of scissors to your complicated bio leaving only the dust jacket highlights version. But it all catches up to you at some point in the actual dating process. We at The Comet feel it’s time to love ourselves (not just in that way) and tell it like it is, letting the chips fall where they may. We present our own dating service. Withinder. Real locals sharing their real dating bio. We think it will be...illuminating.

Jennifer, 31

Hi, I’m Jennifer. I’m insecure and my internal life is most accurately represented by a dumpster fire, but you can’t tell because I’m busy touting my intelligence and using big words you for sure don’t understand - intentionally. It’s important that you know your place right off the bat. I have more baggage than you’ll know what to do with, but don’t worry - I’m an expert in perfectionism (and its dark underbelly, self-loathing) - I’ll focus all the attention I should be devoting to working on myself onto you and all of your problems! I have unrealistic expectations and there’s practically a guarantee (I can draft you a letter) that you’ll never live up to them. As soon as you meet the mark, I’ll move the line. On the contrary, I love hard. No, like actually. I love to play fight, be tossed around, and being challenged mentally and physically is a non-negotiable. I get whiny and needy, and cold and distant. Basically dating me is like dating a cat. Do yourself (and me) a favor and swipe left.

Sarah, 34

Hi, I’m Sarah. I have big feelings and big boobs. I wouldn’t say I’m dramatic... but I do cry A LOT and make little problems into HUGE problems. I spiral often and shame attack myself for it. I’m often told that I’m “too much,” but at my core I’m constantly worried that I’ll never be enough. I have panic attacks regularly. I’m an introvert and I hate most things, including people. Not all people, just most. Please don’t invite me out to social events. And I definitely don’t want to meet your family. I like nature and cooking and being taken care of when I’m too tired to take care of myself. I use a lot of my free time making up expectations in my head that I never share with anyone and then when you don’t read my mind and fulfill the expectations, I resent the hell out of you and you have no idea why. I love food but I’m allergic to a lot, so eating out is a total bitch. Surprisingly, this won’t stop me from binge eating my feelings when I’m stressed. I’m not that fun to be around; I’m usually in the midst of an existential crisis coupled with a panic attack. I’m exhausted a lot from all the complaining and extra energy I put into resisting my reality. I’m highly sensitive, highly critical and overly judgmental. I don’t mean to be, it just comes naturally.

Amy, 27

Hi, my name is Amy. I’m here looking for true love...but you should know I’m kind of a stalker. I may or may not obsessively look at your social media or drive by your house. But that’s because I give big, good love. I will hype you up and support your dreams! I love to give gifts and I act like I don’t expect anything in return. However, if you don’t reciprocate, I will be the biggest passive aggressive bitch you’ll ever meet! But don’t be scared because I don’t hold grudges. Or do I? Let’s link up.

Ashleigh, 35

Hi, my name is Ashleigh...as long as you like that name, is it okay? Are you mad? Sorry, I can change it! I’m probably too tall, definitely too lumpy and wear worry lines like they were a 5 dollar dress with pockets from goodwill. I like art, laughing and being smothered in reassurance. I enjoy long walks down the rabbit hole where I can needlessly worry about things that will never happen and ignore actual pressing matters without interruption. So get used to taking a back burner to that. I am skilled at obsessive thinking and will not believe you when you say I locked the door that I already checked four times. One, two, three, four. Expectations are my specialty and because I am bound by a strict set of imaginary rules made up by me, you will be too. I don’t know how to do “me time” or meet my own needs so fuck you for doing it with ease. P.S. Are you hungry? Cold? Do you need anything? ...why the fuck do I have to do eveeeerything around here?! My hobbies include finding evidence that it’s all my fault, being afraid people are gonna ‘find out’ about me and seeking outside validation and belonging through the approval of others. When I am not eating too much sugar you can find me sighing heavily as I fold the laundry you said you would do. I know exactly what I want, except when I don’t, then you need to know what I want. I’m nurturing when I’m not smothering, I remember and cherish all the things about you, and enjoy making you feel special and loved, when I am not ruminating every mistake either of us have ever made!! If this sounds like your cup of tea, hit me up, like right away, otherwise I will think you are dead or hate me.

Stephanie, 38

Hi, I’m Stephanie and I’m an alcoholic… In recovery. I’ve been sober for 5 years. I used to be a gigantic piece of shit, but now I like to overcompensate for that by overachieving. So, you’ll likely find me working on any given moment of any given day. I tend to live in the future, which means I probably won’t be fully present for any of our interactions, but I’m also pretty aloof so you won’t find a lot of drama with me. Since I don’t have time for anything not work-related, I’m not very demanding of other people’s time or energy. But, that could also stem from a lack of belonging. I have the “gift” of discernment, which means I can tell when people are full of shit or lying out of their ass. This also means my circle is very small and I will bring up hard shit that you probably don’t want to talk about constantly. I have a really hard time connecting to my feelings and can be very cold, especially when I feel slighted but haven’t been able to fully process it yet. But I’m super empathetic to other people’s feelings and will relentlessly push you to connect with your own.

Created and compiled by Sarah Sims. Send your self-aware dating bio to sarahradarstation@gmail.com C