star bitch

1) A day that should have been a magical one for a bride and groom in Florida turned out to be anything but... Cops showed up to their fancy wedding that had nearly 100 people in attendance and arrested the bride of the wedding because she did this:

A) Laced the entire catered wedding dinner with copious amounts of weed B) Faked her own death during the service C) Had hired a hitman to kill her soon to be husband D) Beat up her mother-in-law after she publicly objected to their union

2) One of the following statements about George Washington is true: A) He died of a accidental shooting B) He never knew dinosaurs existed C) He helped develop the technology that would be eventually be used to send telegrams D) He had only 8 fingers

3) A few weeks ago, a semi truck traveling through a Pennsylvania highway crashed and spilled it’s entire load all over the freeway. Cops and cleanup crews were tasked with cleaning up 15,000 pounds of this from the highway:

A) Bowling Balls B) Fleshlights C) Hot dog filler D) Liquid Lubricant that had not yet been bottled

4) It was revealed in an interview last year that THIS rockstar only got into bands and music while he was in high school so he could date cheerleaders he wanted to date. He ALSO served as a New York City Police officer for nearly two years before hitting it big with his band. Who are we talking about?

A) Slash B) Eddie Van Halen C) Bon Jovi D) Eddie Money

5) Ex Guns N Roses drummer Matt Sorum recently released a memoir about his wild rock and roll life. In the book, he tells a story of going to an afterparty at a celebrities house in the nineties... He got super loaded at the party, found his girlfriend he had brought naked in a hot tub with two other men, flew into a rage and proceeded to knock the host of the party out cold when he tried to calm him down. Who was the host of the party that got knocked out by Matt Sorum?

A) Tony Danza B) Dave Coulier C) Steve Guttenburg D) Ray Romano This might be hard to believe but… I’m tired of being mean. We have enough hatred and division in this world, so this month I’ve decided to go easy on ya.

Aries - Look at you embracing your lifetime of disappointment and failure. Good for you.

Taurus - No way around it, functioning this month will be tough for you. But I still have good news - nobody expects you to show up anyway.

Gemini - I love how you can really focus on one thing at a time, while simultaneously never finishing a single thing. It’s admirable really.

Cancer - People tend to only think of you as overly sensitive, but you can also be extremely cold and distant and brutally unkind. It’s called balance.

Leo - The way you obsess is commendable. Work, personal projects… whatever keeps you out of your own head and away from any chance of actually dealing with your problems.

Virgo - Your anxiety IBS is cute. Goes great with the perfect image that you try to uphold.

Libra - Good job only lying to yourself twice today!

Scorpio - Your new found assertiveness is coming along nicely. It’s already made someone cry, and that’s not always easy!

Sagittarius - Hey! You didn’t even explode your entire day over a small misunderstanding! Don’t worry, there’s always tomorrow to try again.

Capricorn - I can barely hear you mumbling your complaints about the evening news. You’re showing some major restraint!

Aquarius - Oh yay, just what this world needs, another eccentric podcast host. Please entertain us with all of your super interesting insights.. or don’t.

Pisces - Great job harnessing all of your resentments until one small inconvenience causes them to explode out in a fiery, unforgivable rage. I’m impressed!