The Comet Magazine - September 2022

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

everything will be fine

THIS issue

editor: Ron Evans

issue #47 - september 2022

crossword..................................PAGE 7

Funky boy tattoo.....................PAGE 8

write on the river.............. .....PAGE 12

project pivot............................. PAGE 14

2 shows at collapse.................PAGE 16

ARTBEAT MAGAZINE.....................PAGE 19

the movie trailer dilemma ..... PAGE 23

PORN TOONS......................................PAGE 24

EVERYTHING Is FINE.....................page 27

artemidorus..............................PAGE 30

awkward essentials................PAGE 34

star bitch...................................PAGE 38

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Skylar Hansford, Lindsay Breidenthal, Jamie Howell, Christopher F. Hart, JessicaDawn.Co, Anna Spencer, Holly Thorpe, Dan McConnell Meetyourmicrobes.

Sean Davis, Jessica Campbell and Mitchell Bryan - the subjects of Project Pivot

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

To quote the Rhubarb Market ad on the back page… IS

IT FUCKING AUTUMN YET?

Wildfire smoke gently rolling into the valley, laying translucent, cascading sheets of incinerated earth over the dusty foothills is about as poetically as I can put the familiar shit show of late summer in Wenatchee. Would we even know what to do without the smoke after all these years? Besides breathe right?

It also signals the sweet relief of Autumn. She’s in our sights, and all of the magical things that come along with it. We’ve almost made it. The angry psychopathic Super Mario Bros. sun has almost run out of hate for the season. I sat outside yesterday. ON PURPOSE. There’s hope. And yes, I know a lot of you weirdos love the heat and the sun and the summer attire. But this boy and his cheap three piece suit costume just can’t quite seem to…summer. So allow me my reveling.

I’m also reveling in the fact that I can barely keep up with all the events going on right now. I have modified the events page to be a little more visual - and a little more nostalgic for the older alternative newspapers I grew up reading like The Rocket. I actually chose the name The Comet because I wanted it to sound a bit like The Rocket. RIP. Also RIP The Stranger which is no longer being printed. Seems like a great time to be in the print media business. I always have my finger on the pulse of the financial world! Anyway, please help me expand that page by sending me events you think we should feature. So much happens that I don’t hear about and I’d love for The Comet to be your best bet for finding all the good shit to do. This includes you fine folks in Ellensburg and Yakima where our readership continues to grow at a durn fine pace.

Oh, and last month I put the call out for swingers to come forth and tell tales of their lifestyles. Since then, many of you have shared your stories, successes, MASSIVE failures and all sorts of arrangements that you have found happiness with. And not a single one wants to be published. Even with pseudonyms. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but I still am. Although the number one reason I was given for not going semi-public…not wanting family to find out. Now I really wanna talk to y’all! I hadn’t even given much thought about the judgment and possible ostracization that comes along with certain ways of life but that’s an interesting angle too. I’m gonna keep looking, but for now my swell scoop on local swingers (and there are lots of them!) will have to take the proverbial backseat. For now…

Happy Trails, Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

Two birds with one Ron. As close as the local swingers community wants me to get. Apparently.

Three convicts, Pete and Delmar led by Ulysses Everett McGill, escape from a chain gang and set out to retrieve a treasure Everett said was buried before the area is flooded to make a lake. RATED PG-13

CORY "DAMN YOU" CALHOUN'S

Puzz e Corner

CROSSWORDS & MORE MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE COMET

THE5 TH PU ZZLEOF20 22 'S" MEG A -ME TA"EVE NT !

4 down, 2 to go! If you still want to enter to win the Mega-Meta contest, you can email me at cscxwords@gmail.com with your guess for the answer. (Don't know what the Mega-Meta is? Skip to the next paragraph.) Its hint won't be revealed 'til November, but you can guess early if you want, using the last 4 answers (plus the answer for this month's puzzle). Remember: you can only guess the Mega-Meta answer once. There are pros and cons to guessing early vs. in November--choose wisely! If you guess right, you go into a pool of entrants from which I’ll randomly select the winner. So, what’s the Mega-Meta? Every other month in the Comet, there’s a meta crossword puzzle contest, But this November, there’ll be a BONUS contest called the Mega-Meta. It will have its own separate hint for solving it, with an answer based on all 6 answers from 2022's monthly meta contests. By solving a given monthly meta, you are NOT obligated to solve the Mega-Meta in November, but it’s encouraged! A custom 21x21 crossword made by me awaits the winner! View 2022's previous meta answers, plus full entry and contestdetails, at tinyurl.com/2022megametarules.

On to 2022's 5th meta crossword!Never tried one before? For a chance to win this month's mystery prize, keep reading—and remember, it's OK to use Google if you need help! ... HOW TO ENTER: 1. Solve the crossword below. 2. Solve its meta puzzle (instructions at tinyurl.com/corymetas). 3. Email just the meta puzzle answer for the hint (don't send the solved grid!) to cscxwords@gmail.com by 12am PT, Sept. 24, 2022. (One submission per entrant, please.) We'll randomly pick a winner from the correct entries, and announce the winner and puzzle answers in the next issue. Good luck!

"SINGULAR KINDNESS"

Hint:Find a 4-letternoun.

55. The first "T" of TNT

57. Many a dad joke

58. Instruction forknobs, often

64. Laid low

65. Emma Roberts, to Julia Roberts

66. "Jack Sprat could fat..."

67. Genre related to goth

68. Grouchy Muppet

69. Mattress size

70. Hit the jackpot

71. Stimulate, as an appetite

DOWN

1. Detergent quantity, often

2. End of a threat

3. "Wait until the right moment!"

4. Spelling of "Beverly Hills 90210"

5. Contacting privately via Twitter or Instagram

6. Soda in a "float" drink

7. Decorative pitcher

8. Cloverleaf component

9. Klingons or Vulcans, e.g.

10. Mercedes-

11. Standard of comparison

12. BBC spy thriller "Killing ___"

13. "Are we there ?"

21. Asian berry marketed as a "superfood"

22. Brandy flavor

27. Polo alternative

28. Prefix meaning "foreign"

30. Biblical mount

32. Slangy commercial suffix 33. Like some dishes 35. One who prefers tabbies to terriers

37. Honduran house 38. Sharp picture producer, briefly 39. Bug 41. Extinct tusked mammal 44. English prep school 46. Ford product, briefly 48. Avoid 50. Each 51. White wine named for Oman's capital 52. Shows contempt 56. "No kidding" 59. Big name in alternative news media 60. Ride to the prom, often

Desire 62. Et (footnote abbr.) 63. It's bottled in Cannes

ANACROSTICCHALLENGE

Instructions @ tinyurl.com/coryanacrostics

CLUES: ANSWERS: CLUES (cont'd): ANSWERS (cont'd):

Deviousone "Wait--we'renotreadyyet!" '

represents,infant-wise241753504405256

SOLUTIONTOPREVIOUSCROSSWORD

REDZONE CUSTARD

ECUADOR ONTARIO

NONZERO ROAMING

ONEI ISUP MEADS

EST LOPE

BURBLE TRANSECT

AMEER EIEI CRAW

SAMESEXMARRIAGE

EMIT VIAL UNSEE

RITZIEST ATTEST

RSTU CHI

SHACK EMMA LAVS

HELLION SCALEUP

ORGANIC RICARDO

WRANGLE PASSOUT

SOLUTIONSTOPREVIOUS DOUBLEANAGRAMCHALLENGE

Themeofnewwords: Tools BLOAT - A = BOLT, ECHO - C = HOE, LIVES -L= VISE, SWAM -M= SAW, APEX - P = AXE LeftoverlettersA, C, L, M & P anagram into CLAMP

I CRAVE FEEDBACK! Thoughts? Suggestions? Lemme have it. CSCXWORDS@GMAIL.COM

FEATURING: @funky_boy_tattoo

RESEARCH FOR WRITERS: Interview with a librarian

By Holly Thorpe

The NCW Writers’ Group, hosted by North Central Washington Libraries (NCWL) and Write on the River, is presenting a two-part “Research for Writers” series. Part 1 was held on Aug. 17 and discussed what constitutes research and how research can benefit writers of all types, not just those writing nonfiction. Part 2 will be held Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 3:30 p.m., and will feature a visit from an NCWL librarian who will help us learn the ropes of using publicly available tools to research our stories, essays and more. Attendance of Part 1 is not required and this event is free and open to everyone.

Kerry Gelb, a librarian at the Wenatchee Public Library, has worked for NCWL for over 30 years. NCW Writers’ Group asked him to present because of his reputation at the library. When it comes to finding records, local history or historical documents, Kerry knows what questions to ask, how to ask them and where to go to find answers.

“You have to know that there’s something to be found in the first place,” he said.

Frequently, he’s asked to find obituaries, death certificates, birth certificates, marriage records and more. Often from people piecing together their own family stories.

In addition to finding records, Gelb is skilled at piecing them together to create a larger story. He considers how one document fits together with another, and where they corroborate or offer conflicting information. Historical records are imperfect, he said, and knowing how to parse out accurate information is part of his job.

Here are a few excerpts from an inter-

view with Gelb in August 2022.

You have this reputation for being the guy to go to when you need to find old stuff that no one else can find. How did you get this reputation?

“There was an opening when we had a reference desk and I worked with other actual reference librarians. At that time we did that, it involved a lot of other things. If you wanted an old magazine article, you had to come to us and then we would get it from some other library system that kept it, or we might have it on microfilm. If you wanted information on repairing your old Chevy, you had to come here. So we did a lot of things like that. And now, of course, an awful lot of that is available online. From our website, you can access how to learn foreign languages, a lot of information on auto repair and a lot of information on magazine and newspaper articles. A lot of things are available online now, through our website alone.”

As for local news, The Wenatchee World digital archives now date back to 1991. However, the library still carries older newspapers on microfilm and has books about regional history dating back to 1904.

“What I do now, largely, is those things that aren’t online. And what isn’t online is largely local history,” Gelb said. “So if you’re looking from the Wenatchee World that’s older than 1991, this is where you’ve got to go.”

“Another really neat resource we have is what is called the Polk City Directories,” Gelb said. “They’re kind of like a phone book. You can look up a name and, depending on how far back you look, it will tell you where they worked and what address they lived at and things like that. Or you can look up a business and see who managed it. So that’s the kind of thing that you’re not going to find anywhere else. That’s not going to be online. But that’s changing too.”

For someone working on a memoir, for

example, how would you help someone who says, “I have this relative who suddenly goes missing from our family story, and I want to know more about them?”

“In that particular case, the city directory is going to be a good start. If they lived in this area, then we’re going to check and see where did they live and what did they do and who was living with them. The older city directories are really interesting because they give a lot of stuff that you wouldn’t expect. Our earliest ones are from the 1910s and 1920s. They list many, many towns, not just Wenatchee and they give you a little history of the town. As the directories get newer, that’s not part of it, they start to narrow down, so it’s just Cashmere, Leavenworth, Wenatchee, East Wenatchee. It’s much more specific and it starts to give a little more information, like who else is living in the household, so it will list children. The older records, no, it just lists basically who is the head of the household, or usually the man, in other words, but it will give you all these other bits of information. So you have to kind of know, this is what you can find here versus what you can find there.”

Our writers’ group discussed considering cultural context when writing from a specific point of view or in a specific timeframe. I’m sure some of these archived can be useful for that as well.

“Some things would be hard to know, but you could look at see what was on at the movie theater and you could look and see ads for clothes or ads for cars, you could see what was in style at that time.”

Explain the scope of your job, what you do and what you’re capable of doing.

“The main thing that I want to do is I want to be accurate. So I might Google something to get a rough idea of what in the world this person is asking about. Of course, I’m not going to use that as a source. For me, it is important that I am able to say not just that this is from a newspaper, but which newspaper it is, what date it was published and what page number it came from… so being accurate is really important to me. As for the scope, I try at least to get people to the spot where they can know who they need to talk to and what they need to do next.”

What should the NCW Writers’ Group writers know when they come to talk to you next month?

“Feel free to ask me anything. Even if it’s

something that’s available online, you might think ‘I’m a young person, I should know how to find that,” that’s not necessarily true. There are things that are out there that are just really not advertised. For instance, a different supervisor clued me into the fact that the Library of Congress has a website and they give access to very old newspapers. So if you wanted to read what they had to say about Paul Revere, like Paul Revere being sued, you could look that up.”

“They should feel free to ask, because you never know,” Gelb added. “There’s just all kinds of things out there. We have access not just to what we have here but to what other libraries have… No matter how odd it might seem or how unlikely it might seem that somebody might have written about that, they might have written it down and it’s out there in a book or in a magazine.”

Join NCW Writers’ Group for “Researching for Writers” with Kerry Gelb on Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 3:30 p.m. Offered in person at Wenatchee Public Library and online via Zoom. Visit ncwlibraries. org for more information.

About the NCW Writers’ Group

The NCW Writers’ Group is a writing community created by local writers, for local writers. This club is designed to connect people and artists, discuss the craft, ask for advice and share resources. Meetings are every third Wednesday from 3:30-4:30 p.m., with an optional social hour afterward. Wenatchee librarian Nik Penny and local writer Holly Thorpe host. Writers may join in person at the Wenatchee Public Library or via Zoom. Visit ncwlibraries.org for more information.

Upcoming events

Sept. 8 at 5 p.m.: Boost Your Writing Chops with Kay Kenyon. Drop in on Zoom for this bi-monthly fiction chat with novelist Kay Kenyon for sessions on skill-building, basic and advanced how-tos, and the writing life. With a 20+ year career in novels and short stories, Kay will demystify writing issues and the common strategies fiction authors use. Visit writeontheriver.org to learn more or register. This event is Free for WOTR members and $10 for non-members.

To learn more about Write on the River, become a member, or register for events, visit writeontheriver.org. Membership is $35 per year, and offers free or discounted access to all WOTR events. Questions? Contact info@writeontheriver.org. C

FAIL HURT LEARN REPEAT

Sean Davis (the skater)

Jessica Campbell (the rock climber)

Mitchell Bryan (the mountain biker)

VOORTEX PRODUCTIONS RELEASES PROJECT PIVOT

By Ron Evans

When local filmmaker Charley Voorhis was 17 years old he suffered a life altering snowboard accident. He likely couldn’t imagine at the time that nearly 20 years later this incident would help spark his first feature film, Project Pivot, a documentary that follows three fully proficient athletes (a skateboarder, a mountain biker and a rock climber) as they switch sports with one another for the first time. What connects the accident to this switcharoo experiment is really what’s at the heart of Project Pivot which will have a limited online release September 16th. And even the director wasn’t initially sure what the story elements would be exactly, but after sifting through 56 hours of footage, things began to unfold. I spoke with Voorhis to learn more about the inspiration and production of this unique project.

Take us back to the first inception of the concept of Project Pivot.

When I was describing this concept to people, even a year or two before it was made, the concept was always coming from this place for me that there’s a lot of intellectual things that I don’t understand. And I asked myself, why do I feel comfortable in these situations, versus other situations?

I can very quickly go back to my history with skateboarding and mountain biking and rock climbing. Aside from learning in the academic space, I’ve learned so much about myself and about the world from

navigating these things. There are these fears that come about that are very physical and tactile, and real. But with dual awareness you can start learning about how to be a better parent, for examplehow do you handle yourself at heights? How do you handle yourself at speed? And how do you handle yourself in these different situations, by subjecting yourself to stressful situations? These activities create resilience, and it creates stress tests.

Growing up there was always a kind of segregation around what you were good at. These are all the basketball players and the football players are over there. And these are the skaters and these are the whatevers - and then when you boil it down, they’re literally all processing the exact same things. They’re addressing fear, they’re addressing balance, they’re addressing speed, they’re addressing impact. And you very quickly realize that being a human is the same for everybody.

These spiraling thoughts made me realize - oh, I didn’t waste my time skateboarding all those years. I got something deeper out of it. I beat my body to hell but I was also building mental resilience, going through the accidents that I’ve been in. And then it comes to the snowboard crash… and to have an experience where I was mentally and emotionally broken from one of these sports that I felt I had such a firm grasp on was a huge life changing event. A breaking point. Do I abort? Do I forge ahead?

When I first had the conversation with Mitch (Bryan), who’s the mountain biker in the film, we were kind of just kicking around ideas of how fun it would be to invite people on a bike ride that had never ridden a mountain bike. Not teach them from the ground up, but just throw them into a really advanced trail and watch them more or less squirm their way through it. We just joked about that concept. And then that started kind of planting seeds.

But I didn’t know exactly who would be the rock climber, just yet. I had been friends with Jessica (Campbell) for many years, but I hadn’t really spoken with her in a personal way. And then in 2019 I did a shoot with her with Tamron lenses. And I just realized how sensitive and profound and grounded she was just as a person. And right then and there I was like, well… if I ever make this film, I want her to be the rock climber. And then it wasn’t until either later 2019 or early 2020, right before COVID, I met Sean Davis at a skateboard workshop I was teaching in Chicago. He was just a stellar skater that was super consistent, which is good for a workshop because you want someone who can perform accurately, consistently and you know… he’s a handsome dude. So he just sort of fit what I needed for the workshop. And then when I met him he was straight out of a movie. He’s a character. And he was introspective and sensitive and he’s so inspired by life that you can’t help but be inspired by his inspiration. And he kind of was on

the other side of the spectrum of Jessica just in terms of sensibility and intensity.

So you had your cast of characters, obviously they all agreed to be in the project - their stories and the journeys they go on have a powerful arc in the movie that works really well. Did you have a sense of how things would unfold or were you finding the whole picture as you went along?

I want to give a nod to the gods of luck, or whatever it is, because there were definitely some fortunes that came to the story that were out of my control. And it could have gone any one way or another. But I knew that skating had to be first and then mountain biking, and then rock climbing had to be last. Which was a pain, schedule wise, but I knew it had to be in that order which means shooting it in that order. Most movies are not shot in a linear order. But in this case, we otherwise would have not had that sort of “hero moment” aspect that we ended up with. So I’m glad I fought for that. The three are all strangers building relationships together and working things out. And at times working through some pretty intense things in their own minds and it culminates in a way that I couldn’t have predicted but it feels perfect. The story really comes full circle from where it starts.

I was at your sneak preview/screener a couple months back at Liberty Theater. I’ve been to quite a few screeners, I’ve

never seen 100 people show up. Talk about the feedback you got from that - was there a clear consensus with that many test viewers?

I think it was really good that there were a lot of people there, because I got to feel the full house experience. And you could just feel the energy shift after the apex and you could kind of see people getting a little bit more restless on the back end. I realized it was probably 10 minutes too long, because that’s right about when everyone was like, okay, now we got to go to the bathroom.

I kept trying to figure out how to make it shorter. And then one of my filmmaker friends ultimately said, when it comes down to it, you just need to make it for yourself, don’t try to please other people. And don’t try to hit a quota. Just make the version of the film that you would appreciate seeing for yourself or at least make the version of the film that makes the most sense to yourself.

Before the screener I would watch it in the office with a few people, and it would feel good. And mostly because I just knew what to expect - the smaller audiences seemed to appreciate the way it was laid out. But screening it for a larger audience

told me - just from the energy in the room - that telling the story 100% linear is not very palatable for a large audience. What it came down to is that the final quarter of the film was a very slow kind of resolution to everything.

So did you end up trimming it by 10 minutes?

We cut 11 minutes out, it didn’t really change the narrative - we took some of the banter out. It was good stuff but it wasn’t needed you know?

The classic kill your darlings scenario. Yeah but honestly, it was a pretty easy decision at that point and once we made it we felt it was…not a better film per se but a more palatable film. This really made it clear to me why there are director’s cuts of so many films. Sometimes the director just has a relationship with the movie that doesn’t quite work in the theater.

Well, I’d imagine it’d be extra hard because you’re actually in the movie. It’s your story as much as it is the other subjects’.

Yeah, starting out, I didn’t plan on being as involved in the story. But I essentially ended up narrating portions of the film,

which was definitely something that came in after the fact. What I ended up doing was reflecting on everything that inspired me to make the story to begin with, and translated that into a narrative script that just kind of helps move the story along and makes it applicable to some of the topics and themes that I wanted to explore.

You set the story up with a major snowboarding accident you had many years back, was that not originally part of the plan?

I think early on I did know that I was going to at least open the film and explain this is who I am and this is why I’m making this film. Ready, set, go. And then I would chime in again at the very end. But then as the film started coming together, I realized that I needed to kind of bridge a few scenes throughout the middle. So I ended up making a narration appearance several times throughout the film. But I resisted that for a long time, I didn’t want to be part of the film, and I didn’t want to make it about me. Frankly, I just didn’t want to share that much about myself. I didn’t want to go where the story took me. And I still don’t know if I want to be there. I don’t know that I’m entirely ready to take on that persona for the public.

I feel what you’re saying from a creator standpoint of not wanting to put the spotlight on yourself with your documentary - I can tell you that from a viewer standpoint, I really appreciated that element of the film. I think it does tie the whole thing together and gives it a personal touch that you wouldn’t otherwise have.

I’m happy to hear that it works. I’m getting used to it more and more.

Is there a plan for a local premiere?

We’re hoping to have one at the Numerica Performing Arts Center in January. And my plan is to fly everyone here to have kind of a reunion and let them experience seeing the film together in front of an audience. But we also got into DOCUTAH International Documentary Film Festival in St. George, Utah. And that’s November 3rd, 4th and 5th. So that’ll be kind of like the world premiere, if you will. And of course we will give a limited online release September 16, so you will have a week to watch it basically.

Talk about the use of Lemolo’s music for the soundtrack/score of the film. And has she seen it?

She has seen it, yes. So, Lemolo used to

The calm before the storm at the skate park. Mitchell Bryan, Sean Davis, Jessica Campbell and director Charley Voorhis

come to Wenatchee and play Mela and when I was teaching at the Tech Center, my students and I filmed her. And she played a song called “We Felt The Fall.” There’s only maybe one other band in the whole year of bands that I filmed at Mela where I was more or less brought to tears. And so I fell in love with her music kind of from day one. So then over the years, when I’d have opportunities to do projects with Darren (Reynolds, founder of Caffè Mela), I would always pitch the idea of trying to get Lemolo involved somehow. And there was one project that I did at Mela for Darren that was basically a big experiment. I wanted to do a 13 hour one-take that captured a day in the life of Caffè Mela. And we invited Lemolo to come out and play so it was her song all the way throughout. And so that was one of the first times that we got to kind of collaborate on something that wasn’t one of her live shows.

I’d always been waiting for an opportunity to figure out how to thrust her music into this emotionally gritty space. And so I reached out to her early on wanting to license three of her songs - I basically wanted to highlight one song per day. At the wrap party for the shoot I invited Lemolo to come play at the studio. I built a stage and a little venue space behind the Voortex offices and she came to play and it was amazing. She was excited and flattered to be part of the project but after that performance at the wrap party, she said you’re welcome to use my entire catalog of music in instrumental form for no additional costs. So we had just paid for the three songs we originally agreed on then we had all this music that I think built an entire culture and atmosphere into the movie that I never could have found anywhere else.

When the song “Swansea” makes an appearance it couldn’t fit more perfectly.

That’s one of my favorite songs of all time and yeah that was one I had in mind specifically for that moment.

Talk about your inclusion of the mental health professionals as part of the narrative.

Initially, I wanted them to basically just be along for the ride and talk to me while they witnessed things happening more or less in real time. So I had an opportunity to make sense of things - to then shine light on that throughout the story. That was my original plan. And then as I sat on it longer, I decided I don’t want to try to keep them out of the scenes, I’d rather actually have them take part. And if I could find two mental health professionals (Lori

Andre-Van Lith, Jennifer Beauvais) that would be willing to try all three of these sports for the first time as well, that could be an interesting component.

I know that they are faced with a lot of problems and struggles that people bring to the table that they might not have any first hand experience in. And I thought, how interesting would it be to subject them to something scary, and subject them to something that they’ve never done before and have to navigate in real time under that pressure. So I guess they were kind of like the primer that brought it to interpreting the whole story in a more psychological fashion, and not so much an extreme sports edit. Because I grew up watching snowboard films and skate films, and it’s all about how rad can you get? And what’s the gnarliest thing you can do? How can you shock people with your performance? That wasn’t what I really wanted to do here, there’s a different kind of scary at play - vulnerability. And it’s about showing the importance of having a good support system.

Vulnerability is definitely a running theme in the film and for me, it was a good reminder of not getting stuck in your ruts. But to push yourself to try new things. And that’s different for everyone.

I’m glad that that comes through in the film because that’s really the inspiration for the title of the movie. It’s about trying to break out of those comfort zones which is often where the fear is - you know, to try something that scares the hell out of you. You will never conquer those fears if you don’t at some point face them head on. And again, that’s where having a good team - a strong support system comes in. It’s all one big trust fall.

What would you call the rating of this film for anyone looking to maybe watch with their runts?

Well, it would really be PG because we bleep all the swearing out - but I personally would put it at PG-13 simply because of some of the themes that come up from the athletes that they’ve dealt with in their personal lives. There’s some heaviness that comes up for sure. But what I love is that those moments will likely, hopefully, lead to more conversations and openness concerning those subjects.

View Project Pivot online for a limited time starting September 16 at projectpivotfilm.com. C

Over the years at the Wenatchee Valley Museum, there have been some odd and strange things that have been donated to the collection. While currently there is a screening process and procedures in place for donating items, this wasn’t always the case. We occasionally find oddities lying around from years gone by with little or no explanations.

When we were told we were receiving a donation of $16,000 this wasn’t quite what we were expecting. Between the 1870s and 1930s the US Treasury Department returned a large amount of bank notes from circulation and macerated them into a pulp. This pulp was then sold off to various companies who repurposed it into souvenirs for the public to purchase. These 3 items that are located in the Museum are a product of that. Had the bank notes that were used to create these 3 items not been reduced to pulp, they would be worth upwards of $400,000 dollars today.

Curated and written by Anna SpencerCollections Coordinator at Wenatchee Valley Museum And Cultural Center wenatcheevalleymuseum.org

TWO SHOWS ONE GALLERY

Kassandra Howk and John Vitale @ COLLAPSE

UNTITLED

by Jo Fine Bow

I have known happiness

For a brief moment

Like a solar eclipse

Other worldly it left me feeling like it was merely an illusion

I have looked death in the eye when it was not yet my time and I have shaken hands with sorrow more then I’d like to admit

I still dream of drowning

And wonder why that god damn river didn’t claim me as it’s own

I have waited for the sun to rise and I have Counted down the minutes until it set I have sung praise to the full moon and bathed in all of her glory when she turned her back to me

I have asked for these experiences knowing fully that with each memory my heart would break a little more

I hold true to who I once was even though I have no fucking clue who i have become

This September Collapse Gallery in Wenatchee will be featuring two visiting abstract artists. Tacoma’s Kassandra Howk and Portland’s John Vitale.

Kassandra Howk ‘A Variable Light’

“This collection is based off all the nuances in life and how the light can cut through in unexpected ways. I wanted to capture that emotion, whether it’s something seen or experienced, as it relates to the internal mind and body. Light, even in darkness, shines through. In these works, I played with the layers of light in either pale muted pastels or sweeping bold neons cutting through layers of colors; representing the different ways we find hope and beauty around us.”

Kassandra Howk is a self-taught artist based in Tacoma, WA. She started her painting career in 2014 while living

in Berlin, mostly working with musicians on album art. She transitioned into being a full-time artist following her retirement from the fashion industry.

John Vitale

“The work in this show is the result of processing my personal interaction with my daily experiences. It is my own practice of reflective meditation. In my painting, I deconstruct and compartmentalize all the constant chaos that surrounds me. You will find organic shapes stacked, severed, compiled and ultimately archived. It is essentially an inventory I am trying to keep in order to make sense of my surroundings. It is my language. My catalogue for referencing events, moments, interactions, and feelings.

Each piece is a page in my guidebook, an experience I have learned

something from.

The balance of color, shapes and space hold an important role within this guidebook and the interplay of these elements in my work to me is essential. A piece is not finalized until I can find a sense of relief within it. Many times this entails layers and layers of overpainting, color changing, and shifting shapes until the space within the works finds its balance. The therapy within this process, and the feelings of resolution deeply help me to navigate my world outside the studio. I am interested in the way art affects the artist, as well as those experiencing the work from their own perspectives; the viewer. It is a unique experience with a different meaning to each individual.”

Information provided by Collapse Gallery - 115. S Wenatchee Ave. Opens First Friday 12-7pm

The fire that rages with in me feels more like home then it should and the anger has become so intense at times that it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth

This hollowness is winning while I’m still at the starting line waiting for the gun to go off

I have closed off all the those feelings yet some how they still manage to seep back in

The humidity of my burdens has left such a dampness in my soul that I can now feel it filling me with rot and I am content

ARTBEAT

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK MAP INCLUDED

CHAVEZ-MONREAL JOINS NCW ARTS BOARD

NCW Arts has a new Secretary! Emelia Chavez-Monreal officially joined the NCW Arts Alliance board in August, bringing a diverse skill set and a desire to rekindle her roots in the Arts.

Emelia hails from Pateros and has degrees in Public Health (specializing in Community Health Education) and Spanish. She is a certified Spanish Inter-

LIT MIC GETS LOUD IN LEAVENWORTH

preter through the Washington State Department of Health, and currently works as the Clinic Manager for the Behavioral Health department at Columbia Valley Community Health (CVCH).

As Secretary, Emelia will focus on keeping the board organized as the group continues to build out systems and governing infrastructure; support local arts projects and initiatives; and expand community outreach through in-person events and opportunities to connect.

Want to welcome Emelia or simply find out more about the NCW Arts Alliance? Reach out with an email to arts@ncwarts

LET’S HEAR ABOUT THAT!

Weekly Coffees about the Arts

When: 7 p.m., Tuesday, Sept. 6

Where: Bushel & Bee Taproom, 900 Front St. Suite C, Leavenworth, WA

Join Bushel & Bee Taproom for the launch of NCW’s loudest open mic: Lit Mic.

This open mic is for writers of all types and stripes. Bring your poems, essays, excerpts, short stories and more. Sign up on arrival to reserve your spot. Space is limited.

The key tenets of Lit Mic summarized: be kind and make some noise.

The slightly longer version: Art is personal and political. We are kind and respectful. Keep it real, but keep it civil.

We are here to celebrate art and artists. Check any pretentiousness and bad vibes at the door.

We are NCW’s loudest open mic. Whistle, clap, cheer - show these writers some love. This event is hosted by Holly Thorpe of Stark Consulting and Events. Questions? Contact Holly at hollythorpewrites@gmail.com.

FEATURED EVENT OF THE MONTH FIESTAS MEXICANAS

Hey, let’s hear about that…over coffee. NCW Arts Alliance would love to exchange ideas and dreams with you. Each week in September you can find a hot cup of joe, curious minds, and a fresh arts organization growing right before your eyes.

Share ideas with NCW Arts board members and fellow art community members. Join us when you can, locations and times are listed below. Our next topic set for Sept. 3 is a response to numerous calls for the creation of a brick-and-mortar arts center. Come tell us what you think is possible!

Upcoming coffee talks:

Sat., Sept. 3: 12-1 p.m. at Collapse Gallery

Thurs., Sept. 8: 4-6 p.m. at Leavenworth Farmers Market

Sat., Sept. 17: 9-10:30 a.m. at Anjou Bakery

Sat., Sept. 24: 9-10:30 a.m. at Anjou Bakery

Thurs., Sept. 29: 4-6 p.m. at Leavenworth Farmers Market

Find out more at ncwarts.org

Fiestas Mexicanas brings a vibrant cultural celebration to the Wenatchee Valley filled with folklore, entertainment and

delicious food on Friday through Sunday, Sept 16-18 The event moves this year to Wenatchee’s Triangle Park.

Emelia Chavez-Monreal

CHA ARTISTS CREATE ANOTHER NATURAL SNAPSHOT IN TIME

By Jamie Howell

t’s becoming a bit of a time-lapse art project. For the third time now since 1992, artists have fanned out into the wilderness of the North Cascades (and more specifically into the Wenatchee and Methow River watersheds) to document and respond to the natural surroundings through the medium of their art.

First, in 1992, it was the American poet William Stafford, dispatched with pen and paper by the US Forest Service to write meditative passages that became known as the River Poems and can be found to this day on plaques strewn from Washington Pass on down through the Methow.

Then, in 2001, the idea grew, and 14 internationally acclaimed artists were enlisted to pack sketchpads, easels, brushes and cameras out across the Wenatchee River Watershed, producing over 200 pieces of original artwork from paintings to sculpture, photos and film that become known as the Watershed Art Collection.

IAnd now, it’s happened again, with CHAthat’s Conservation, History and Arts – an artist residency program that, until COVID hit, was intended to correspond with the 20th anniversary of the Icicle Fund itself, a non-profit founded by the late Harriet Bullitt dedicated to supporting arts, history and environment.

“Time for Serenity, Anyone?

a powerful one. Her time painting along the White River and studying its history brought with it new discoveries about brutal skirmishes, massacres and deceit visited upon the peoples who came before her – stories she’d never heard before. “I found myself seeing the place I’ve known my whole life in an entirely different light,” said Seaman.

I like to live in the sound of water, in the feel of mountain air. A sharp reminder hits me: this world is still alive, ...”

Twelve artists were selected for one of two available residencies (one in each watershed) that took place in 2021, and now their presentday creative interpretations inspired by the flora, fauna and history of the North Cascades have been touring the region with one final stop scheduled to open this month in Wenatchee.

From “Methow River Poems” by William Stafford

Those types of individual experiences and the creative responses it elicits from artists placed face-to-face with some of nature’s most stunning creations are what add to the power of the CHA exhibit, lending it a cohesiveness not often possible across so many forms. Twelve artists plopped down in essentially the same “place” will come

up with endless variations and insights, yet they all touch on something we can recognize.

Your first opportunity to experience the CHA exhibit in Wenatchee is the opening artist reception as part of the First Friday Arts Walk, Friday, Sept. 2, from 5-7 p.m. at the MAC Gallery on the campus of Wenatchee Valley College. The exhibit will run at the MAC from Sept. 1 through Oct. 27, 2022.

Jamie Howell opened Howell at the Moon Productions in 1999. He is a writer and filmmaker based in Wenatchee, Wash., and currently serves on the boards of the NCW Arts Alliance, Leavenworth Village Art in the Park and Icicle Creek Center for the Arts.

“It’s beautiful what came out of it,” beamed Christine Morgan, executive director of the Icicle Fund, which funded and administered the project in partnership with the Methow Arts Alliance. “It’s creating art in a way that connects the Arts, the environment and history. Really, it’s a way of connecting all of us to the natural environment.”

Claire Sianna Seaman, a 25-year-old painter who grew up in Leavenworth, found the CHA residency experience to be

Rod Weagant - Chewuch River at Winthrop

Heather Murphy - Yellow Warbler Migration

Artist Heather Murphy

SCAN FOR DIGITAL INTERACTIVE

FIRST FRIDAY MAP!

Online map courtesy of the Wenatchee Downtown Association wendowntown.org

ARTIST TRUST GAP GRANT – DUE SEPT. 26

It’s that time of year when thousands of Washington Artists bend over backwards in hopes of obtaining a small but prestigious nod of approval from the Washington Artist Trust. It’s only $1,500 (don’t quit your day job) and tons of people apply for just 65 available, but winning one is not only a resume builder, it puts you in a select group and connects you with serious artists from across the Evergreen State. It’s worth the annual effort. The deadline is Sept. 26. Find out how to apply at https://artisttrust.org/grants/grants-for-artists-progress/.

SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES, SO LITTLE TIME! FIND MORE AT NCWARTS.ORG

FEATURED OPPORTUNITY OF THE MONTH SEEKING...

NCW Arts Alliance seeks website designer for contract work! We’re looking for someone who has some experience and is looking for an opportunity to work on a fresh, creative project. Please email for more info: arts@ncwarts.org

NCW Arts Alliance seeks board treasurer. If you love finances and look for opportunities to use your skills to build community and connectivity through the arts, we’d love to hear from you! Please email us here: arts@ncwarts.org

Fellow visionaries to build Arts and Wellness Center in Wenatchee: Over the past year, the NCW Arts Alliance has reached out to the community in a few different ways—survey, forum events, coffee klatches—and to our surprise, we continue to hear about multiple individuals with the same dream. The star of this dream is a brick-and-mortar community arts center.

If you are a person who shares this dream, let’s get together! Email us at arts@ncwarts.org with the subject: Arts & Wellness Center, and let’s see what kind of magic we can create together!

FIRST FRIDAY ART MAP

“CHA” (Conservation, History, Art) group exhibition, artist reception, 5-7 p.m.

Dan Crandall, watercolor, 5-7 p.m.

“The Fragility of Man”, Nicola Stewart and Cyndi Noyd,

“Welcome to

Rose Vintage Designs, 4-7 p.m.

Cloie Cornell, mixed media, 11-6:30 p.m.

Two new solo shows;

“Anatomy”,

First Friday Talk, “The Wellington Train Di-

Jennifer

1. MAC Gallery

2. Two Rivers Art Gallery

3. Mela

5-7 p.m.

4. Rhubarb Market

Hollowland”, Ron Evans’ handmade miniature signs, 4-7 p.m.

5. Pan’s Grotto

group exhibit, 5–7:30 p.m.

6. Tumbleweed

Marsha Baerlocher with Stupid Stitch, 4-7 p.m.

7. Ye Olde Bookshoppe

8. Inner Grove Tea Company

9. Collapse Gallery

“A Variable Light”, Kassandra Howk; John Vitale, 12-7 p.m.

10. Museum And Cultural Center

saster!” 6:30-7:30 p.m.

11. Pybus Art Alley

Evenhus; Just Us, live music, Pybus Market, 5-7 p.m.

By DOUG and Kayla Nunn

There was a point in time when I was so excited to go to the theater, not just for the movie but for the trailers. This was before YouTube and the only way to see the newest trailer was in the theater, or you could wait, get lucky and catch it during a commercial break on TV. Slowly that started to shift. I noticed trailers getting longer and with more dialogue. Now instead of the 1 or 2 trailers we get 3 trailers, then instead of 3 trailers we get a short teaser trailer then three more trailers, then it went to 3 teasers and 3 trailers plus TV spots. The point is, it feels like the production companies are taking advantage of hype and trying really hard to get views on YouTube in the hopes the trailer will go viral and not focusing on the actual point which is to get us excited about the movie without spoiling it and to hold us off until the movie comes out. Go on YouTube and watch older trailers. You will get little to no plot, the timing is all over the place yet it is still entertaining. Not to mention, what happened to the loud voice actor telling us how rad the movie is gonna be?!

Now I feel like we get way too much

information. There are definitely trailers out there where I feel like after viewing it I don’t need to see the movie because I got all the information in the trailer. But it’s not just that, it’s also the quantity of trailers and each trailer has to be different adding new scenes revealing locations or new characters, simply releasing too much information. For an example of a recent good trailer, watch the new “Avatar 2” teaser trailer. It is beautiful with great visuals and a good score but if you notice, the music and sound you hear are not the actual sounds of the scene - or if it is, it is quiet and distorted, creating a distance from the actual scene. Hopefully they stay on this trend but I have a feeling the next “Avatar” trailer will be full of plot details I really don’t wanna know until I see the movie. The recent “Dr. Strange Multiverse of Madness” trailers, and Marvel trailers in general, are suffering from this greatly right now I feel. For example, one of the “Dr. Strange’’ trailers revealed Professor Xavier and then in the last TV spot a couple weeks before the movie’s release they revealed that it was a version of Professor X from the 90’s animated series by showing his iconic yellow hover chair. Having

seen the movie I can say right now, had I not seen the chair or Professor X in the trailer and TV spot, it would have made the reveal and the scene much better. Yes it was still great to see a character I grew up with on the big screen again but I just wish I was spared the details. Even though I enjoyed the trailer, I truly feel they are taking away from the actual movie experience. Yes, I know the simple solution would be to just not watch trailers and avoid anything with spoilers or deep dive videos. But we all know how hard that can be, plus the TV spots play randomly so you can be watching the Seahawks game and then… boom, all of a sudden you see Professor X’s yellow hover chair.

If any big Marvel guy or movie producer is reading this *cough cough Kevin Fiege* please stop making mini movies instead of trailers! I do think this has something to do with why the last couple Marvel movies have been met with some criticism, and maybe it’s not Kevin or the director or anyone involved with the movie, maybe the movie production reaches out to an outside source or marketing company for their trailers? But with some of the sensitive topics that Marvel deals with I highly

doubt it. Lots of what Marvel does is preplanned and very thought out which confuses me even more. They should be smart enough to know that revealing too much can be a bad thing. Not to sound like I’m bashing on Marvel because this is happening to trailers across the board. Don’t get me wrong, I will still consume any content Marvel puts out like Bruce Bogtrotter eating chocolate cake. I only say Marvel because people looking to make a good trailer or movie look at what’s selling and working and Marvel has been on top for a while now but I do hope to see a trend of more secrecy and mystery soon. Let’s just get back to the trailers where we get yelled at by the guy that sounds like Peter Cullen.

Doug and Kayla Nunn are owners and operators of The Time Capsule, a retro media hub that celebrates all things nostalgic and pop culture related.

Find them: @retromediaman | 23 Orondo Avenue, Wenatchee and at timecapsulecollectibles.com C

EVERYTHING IS FINE

By Varuca Salty

Content Warning: negative self talk, anxiety

You ever just wake up and hate yourself for no good reason… or are you mentally well? Some people wake up and think, “what a beautiful morning! It’s going to be a great day!” I am not those people. I wake up and remember the fresh hell that I am awaking into and I begin to panic quickly thereafter. It’s hard being a neurotic perfectionist. Wanna know what it feels like? It feels like this.. First, I can’t breathe. The perfectionism is suffocating me. It feels like it’s standing on my throat, holding me down, preventing me from trying and in turn, preventing me from failing. Preventing me from moving any direction at all. The fear of not getting it right, of messing it all up. Of life not going well or how I planned and being tidy. Anxiety. Shallow breaths. The fear keeps me from moving

forward. I know that I’m allowed to mess up… logically, I do know this. I know that it’s ok to try my best and fail. To redirect course if I realize that my current trajectory isn’t the right one. I know it’s better to apologize and pivot than to double down on the wrong path. And yet. Here I am. Stuck in place. Beating myself up over simple, human mistakes.

Oh! Speaking of unrelated tangents, did you know that not everyone has an inner monologue?! Like, some people are just out there living their lives with zero brain chatter. No voice in their head holding full on imaginary conversations about embarrassing things they did 3 years ago. No mean inner critic telling them that they suck and are probably the root of everyone else’s problems. Not even a silly voice in their head singing old tv jingles from the 80’s. Like, what?!? What is that like?! And why can’t I live with a brain like that?

Instead I get the kind of brain with nonstop chatter. Incessant word vomit. (I guess that’s where the neurosis comes in). Sometimes I can’t tell what is logical or emotional, what is rational and what is completely fear and anxiety based. It’s fun. And on top of it, I’m so painfully self-aware that I accidentally hurt my own feelings..all the time. I can sit there and notice myself resisting joy. I’ll ask my logic brain “why?? Why am I resisting a good feeling?” I can feel the joy trying to come into my body but my guard won’t go down to let it in. What a strange thing to have to try to reason with my own brain and remind it that this is a positive thing, not something trying to harm me. I have to actively focus on allowing joy into my energy field. It’s funny because I’m pretty sure feelings of joy and happiness are supposed to be innate. But not for me. It takes strenuous effort. It’s also funny how people are always saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Bitch, if that’s

true then I’m the heavyweight champ. The amount of strength it takes to force myself to get out of bed some days is astounding. The strength and focus it takes to be aware enough in the moment to notice that I’m resisting joy, stop and redirect my body’s built in booby traps and allow it in.. well it’s just a lot. By the end of the day I’m pooped.

I guess I don’t have much of a point to all this. Has this column turned into Varuca Salty’s bitching corner? Maybe. Sorry about that. It’s therapeutic for me but maybe annoying for you. But don’t worry, I’ll be stressing about oversharing and hearing endless chatter about it from my inner monologue. And I’ll be daydreaming of a life where no inner monologue exists. A life that I can only imagine consists of peace and tranquility. A life I will probably never ever know. C

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2022 AT 7 PM – 10 PM Giggles in the Gardens Ohme Gardens

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2022 AT 5 PM – 9 PM

Nic Allen at The Old Barn Drinkery The Sunshine Ranch Wedding and Event Venue

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2022 AT 6 PM – 10 PM

Noah Kite w/ special guest The Bloody Oranges (solo) at The Old Barn Drinkery

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2022 AT 7 PM

Seth Garrido & The Long Relief Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Cobrahawk, Pagan County Rebels and Goat Sanctuary LIVE at Wally’s

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Ghostdivorce, Grim Earth and Dustin Hays Live at Wally’s

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Sons of Guns and College Radio LIVE at Wally’s

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2022 AT 3 PM – 6 PM

The Skiffs @ Chelan Ridge Winery

Chelan Ridge Winery

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2022 AT 9 PM – 1 AM

RUMOR 6 at 12 Tribes Lake Chelan Casino! 12 Tribes Lake Chelan Casino

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2022 AT 4 PM – 8 PM

Food Truck Knight Wenatchee Valley College

FRI, SEPTEMBER 23 AT 7 PM

Himiko Cloud, Dustin Hays and Paste Tense of Draw

LIVE!! At The Riverhouse Cigar Bar

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Millhous, The Stuntmen and Dustin Hays LIVE at Wally’s

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2022 AT 6:30 PM

LOGE Leavenworth presents JAM & The Good Vibes

LOGE Camps

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

The Peculiar Pretzlemen, Devils Gulch & The Missionaries and Black Mariah Theater Live at Wallys

WELCOME TO THE MACHINE:

LOCAL PINK FLOYD TRIBUTE COLLECTIVE ARTEMIDORUS

BY RON EVANS

Local ministers of the gospel of Floyd, Artemidorus, are prepping for their follow up to their intergalactic Dark Side of the Moon premiere earlier this year. The group will now be taking on the 1975 Wish You Were Here LP in its entirety (in addition to a full performance of Dark Side) this September 2nd, 3rd and 4th at the Snowy Owl theater. I talked with Artemidorus founder/singer/guitarist Kris Lahd about this passion project and how the whole thing came together.

Tell us about the catalyst for forming the band - when and how it came together (were there auditions or was it hand assembled?)

Let me start by saying I’ve dreamed about performing Pink Floyd’s music since the live album Pulse came out in 1995. Well, in May of 2021 mid-pandemic, I played a live-stream show at the Snowy Owl theater in Leavenworth. After I packed up my gear, I was sitting on the stage looking around at the beautiful theater and I realized the time had come to perform Pink Floyd’s Dark

Side of the Moon and this was the place to do that. I started mentioning it to various musicians and got turned down initially and a couple even laughed at me saying, “ya right.” I chuckle to myself whenever I think about that now. I asked a long time friend Travis Grable about drumming and he took a week or so to think about it and came back with a “yes” and we started hand-picking the core ensemble. A friend invited me to watch Elaine Eagle perform in Leavenworth suggesting she might be able to tackle the epic piece “Great Gig in the Sky.” I was blown away watching her vocal performance and piano skills. I pitched the idea to her at the end of her set and she was interested. I sent her the song Great Gig and gave her 2 weeks to practice before coming in to audition. Needless to say she came in and completely nailed it.

Who all is involved with the group?

Randy Methard - guitar

Elaine Eagle - vocals & piano

Travis Grable Drums & vocals

Kevin Ohme - Bass guitar

Brad Petit - keyboard, synthesizer, acoustic guitar

I sing and play guitar

Backing vocals

-Rachel Powers

-Erin McNamee

-Rhia Foster

I pinch myself daily and am most grateful to get the opportunity to make music with such a multitalented group of musicians. Other than typical rehearsal squabbles, we all get along swimmingly. I regularly take a moment to think about how lucky we all are to have 10 people getting along with a common goal because it is something that doesn’t happen very often. I mean Mark drives from the Spokane area weekly for rehearsals. This is a very special thing we’ve assembled here.

Are you solely performing entire LPs at the live shows or are there other songs on the setlist as well?

The core of the shows so far have been the performance of LPs in their entirety. We are really trying to represent what it is like

to sit down and listen to an entire record versus a playlist, you know, like in the “olden days!”

All kidding aside it seems to have become a lost joy in recent times. Pink Floyd albums work as a complete piece of music and the songs act as different movements of the whole. So we are purposefully not pausing or making small talk between songs. I’ll tell you it’s a challenge and is quite exhausting to do, but no matter how many times we play through these albums even in rehearsal, we all agree that it still feels like quite the accomplishment.

Having said that, we are learning and performing some stand-alone songs as well.

I’m curious how it works for tribute bands. Do you have to get the rights to perform these songs and/or use any imagery relating to the source material?

We are able to perform these songs because they are still cover songs and venues pay licensing fees through ASCAP and BMI so any band can perform cover songs for an audience. Imagery or logos have to have a

Mark Doelman - saxophone & Hammond Organ

Artemidorus performing Dark Side of the Moon - lasers by Rick Hale

certain percentage of measurable differentiators to remain out of lawsuit territory. As we continue on we will shoot and edit our own stage films for the shows.

Tell us about the name of the band, and how often do people say it correctly?

“Art-Uh-Meedrus” is the correct pronunciation

Interesting story, I always keep a journal for “creative ideas” handy for anything from ideas for films, books, songs, titles etc… about two years ago I was watching some docu-show on TV and I heard the name “Artemidorus.” I liked it so I scribbled it down in my ideas journal. Jump to March 2022 we needed a name so I started flipping through my journal pages and saw that page and it said:

“Artemidorus, first studier of dreamspossible song title”

In that moment I thought, now that’s the name of a band!

Artemidorus was the first documented studier of dreams in Ancient Greece. This project had been a longtime personal dream of mine, so it really stuck for me. The rest of the band was “not opposed,” which is high-marks when it comes to naming a band. I think Brad Petit has finally stopped giving me shit about how to pronounce our own name, but I’m sure he will again after reading this.

Shakespeare also used the name Artemidorus in Julius Caesar. He’s the character that warns Caesar “beware the ides of March.”

It’s become quite the unintentional talking point when I meet people. They ask how to say it and “what does it mean?” So I guess it’s doing its job since people are spending a little more time thinking and wondering about it and I don’t mind that one bit.

You performed Dark Side of the Moon in your inaugural set of shows. Working with music that’s sacred at a damn near religious level for many, how do you find ways to make the songs work for you as a band, as well as for the die hard fans? You bring up a couple great points here. Dark Side of the Moon IS sacred material to the true Pink Floyd fans out there and you can include me in that category along with Travis, Randy, and Kevin. I’m pretty sure this project has made a big fan out of Elaine as well.

Fun fact: Travis and Randy actually both attended Pink Floyd’s Division Bell Show

in Vancouver BC during their 1994 tour in which they were performing the complete DSOTM.

The first time I heard the album I was probably around 8 years old and had already started playing guitar. My Dad put DSOTM on his record player and put headphones on me. When I heard the alarm clocks going off at the beginning of the song “Time” and the “tick tock tick tock tick tock,” my dad said “Do you hear that? That’s a guitar making that sound.” Then I recall being mesmerized hearing the intro to “Money” with all the cash register sounds cut to the beat. In that moment I realized where rock music could go but it took me until the age of 44 in order to feel confident enough musically to break this stuff down, learn it, and perform it. Travis has referred to this process as a Master Class music education of sorts. I completely agree with him; breaking down each part/note/phrase of each instrument and putting it back together through each other in a performance has made us all better musicians. Kevin is especially analytical and we’ve learned a lot from his attention to detail.

We make it work because of our respect for the material. We worked our asses off to capture the essence of what this album does. We are putting on the show that we, as fans, would want to see and we have set a high bar for ourselves in order to achieve that goal. If we are feeling that essence when we perform, then other Pink Floyd fans will feel it too. I’ve spent a couple decades searching out and listening to various concert performances by Pink Floyd and hearing all the ways in which they have deviated from the recorded versions of their own songs. So we have an idea where to take some creative liberties in “jam sections” of the songs. Overall it works for us because of what an immense undertaking it really is. I think we were all seeking to be challenged musically at the same time. I’m pretty sure Kevin thought this was an insane idea, but just crazy enough to intrigue him and draw him out of musical retirement, which makes him the perfect fit. Getting to perform it on a big stage in front of a crowd who are fans of the material is a huge joy This encourages us even more to present this material in a true and respectful way.

Your next performance will be Floyd’s follow up to Dark Side, Wish You Were Here. These albums have some pretty major differences structurally speaking. Talk about the process of diving into this one.

You are correct that there are major differ-

ences, yes. However after tackling Dark Side of the Moon we’ve sort of learned some of the nuances behind Pink Floyd’s writing style and creative process. With that new knowledge it makes WYWH easier to dive into than had we only learned a playlist of Pink Floyd songs or “hits.” That’s the big advantage learning to perform a complete album brings with it. So diving into it we…

A) now had the confidence in our ability to perform an entire album live B) really only needed to learn 4 songs for WYWH, so we don’t have to change musical themes quite as rapidly as with DSOTM. Granted “Shine on You Crazy Diamond” has 9 movements but they are all variations on a singular theme.

WYWH musically boasts much more patience. The movements are longer, there are more instrumental sections. This is all fun and challenging for us. And in learning this album you can see how much Pink Floyd had grown musically together and that they were taking more musical risks. This album’s theme is more specific being that it’s an homage to the late Syd Barrett, their former founding bandmate who unfortunately suffered from mental illness and had to be replaced by David Gilmour due to his rapid mental decline. This is something we can all identify with so keeping that in mind from the beginning has helped us lock into the material pretty well. We are all performing these songs about people specific to us who are no longer with us and who we wish were still here. It’s that foundation of humanity that makes this album easy to connect with and feel as we play it.

Full disclosure, Pink Floyd is my favorite band of all time. And my whole life I have witnessed people moaning or rolling their eyes when I say that. But 9/10 times if I ask them what they know they’ll say “Money” and maybe “Another Brick In The Wall Part II” (although they just call it We Don’t Need No Education). If you were trying to get someone started on a path of making the (correct) choice to follow the Floyd, what three songs would you start them with?

These are all great questions by the way! However this question feels like it could be the premise for a sequel to Sophie’s Choice. 3 songs. Really?!? This is hard Ron and has kept me restless when trying to sleep at night. I went through not wanting to bias my answer by choosing my 3 personal favorite songs, but then questioned what if one of my favorites also is one that should be in this list? I thought

about including one song from each era, Barrett, post-Barrett, then post-Roger Waters to encompass the band’s full lifespan, then I second guessed that approach. Ugh! This is a complex question. I even thought that it would be best to find somebody who was not familiar at all and have them listen and choose the 3 that grabbed them, but that would be cheating. Then I thought to pick the 3 most popular songs because they are popular for a reason, however I didn’t want to sound like I’m just picking popular songs because then am I really a true fan? I consulted Kevin and Travis, who agreed this question was devilish.

Kevin considers DSOTM one long song, so with that philosophy, can I list 3 albums and claim they are just long songs? Probably not. Then I landed right back at the beginning with 3 of my favorite songs. They hooked me and I hope they hook anybody else who gives them a proper listen…

1. “Echoes” off of Meddle

2. “Time” off of Dark Side of the Moon

3. “Comfortably Numb” off of The Wall

Those three songs paint a near perfect picture for me no matter how many times I listen to them.

Done, done and done.

What can the uninitiated expect from your upcoming performances? And do you know what album you’ll be tackling next?

You can expect to experience what it was like to attend a Pink Floyd show from the 70s in a more intimate theater. Excellent sound mixed by Eric Frank, spectacular laser light show by Slick Lasers out of Seattle and a performance by a group of caring and talented musicians who have put their hearts fully into making this a great experience for the audience. The Snowy Owl theater at the Icicle Center for the Arts is a beautiful venue with great acoustics. Phil Lacey, the Executive Director, has been extremely supportive in our efforts to put on a great rock show out there.

As far as what album we are tackling next… in my opinion, it’s their most musically complex and unique album. The masterpiece Animals

Artemidorus: Wish You Were You & Dark Side of the Moon

LIVE at The Snowy Owl theater in Leavenworth Sept 2,3,4

Social media: facebook.com/Artemidorusband/

AWKWARD ESSENTIALS

By Moxie Rose

When it comes to the topic of sex and human sexuality, it’s no secret that the more open we become about that topic, the less taboo we make it, the more benefits we discover to how it is approached and tools that make the job easier (or just a more pleasurable experience in general). Being able to discuss the topic of sex, without judgment, creates an atmosphere of people being able to express things about the human sexual experience that they both enjoy… as well as things they wish could be different. Or, in this specific case, the need for a product that didn’t exist, coming to fruition.

Meet The Dripstick. This tiny yet mighty invention is the little sex essential you

didn’t know you needed. But what is it? Picture this scenario: you just got done having sex with a partner who finished inside you. You need to make clean up a little easier and fastermaybe you’re out camping without access to your usual bathroom, maybe you’re allergic to semen (I’m not kidding, that’s a thing), maybe it was a quicky and now clean up needs to match that, maybe you have a sensory aversion to the way it just feels running down your legs. You grab your Dripstick, insert it into the vagina, turn it once or twice, remove it and dispose. Done!

“A lot of my friends have these really cool, fancy corporate tech jobs with free food and massages, and I’m out here talking about jizz, packing boxes, and dipping my toes into every facet of the business.”

ward Essentials, describes it as “the original after-sex cleanup sponge.” And much like the name suggests, this product is designed to be inserted into the vagina, after penetrative sex, to instantly soak up excess semen/ cum. This little sponge on the end of a stick, which very much resembles the look of a tampon, is made from medical grade polyurethane - this is the same material as non-latex condoms and the contraceptive sponge.

use with every sexual interaction (unless you were using it to remove excess semen due to an allergy). Reserving it mainly for situations where you were pressed for time or without access to a bathroom.

While Awkward Essentials is fairly new, it has already seen growing popularity and booming success – most notably, recently partnering with Doc Johnson, an industry leader in adult product manufacturing.

Dripstick, and its parent company Awk-

Important note: this product is NOT meant to be used as a contraceptive. It’s also not something you would typically

I recently got to speak with Frances Tang, the founder of Awkward Essentials and the inventor of the Dripstick, to talk about the product, the company, and all you could want to know about the little product that could.

Which came first, the idea for the Drip-

stick or the forming of the Awkward Essentials company?

The idea for Dripstick! I’d spent a long time scouring the internet for solutions to the problem I was having with next day drip. It was pretty surprising how many other folks were dealing with this and accepted it as unsolvable.

Can you pinpoint the moment where the idea of the Dripstick was born or was it born out of a combination of different factors that you saw over time?

I love having sex with my husband, but didn’t love the next day drip. I discovered it was a pretty common problem, yet the only solutions put forth by other folks involved using a towel, baby wipes, and toilet paper (which is great for the outside, but not so great for the inside). The idea for Dripstick actually came to me while I was baking. Every time I’d use that rubber spatula to scoop cake batter from a bowl, I’d think about creating a spatula for my vagina to get all the leftovers out. Inspiration strikes in unexpected places!

Was there ever an “oh my God, I did it, we really did it” moment (for either the forming of the whole company or just the invention of the Dripstick)?

As a startup (and generally as a person) I move really fast. In the beginning, when I was still trying to get a sense of whether there’d be interest in Dripstick, I did everything myself. I was shipping Dripstick out of my parents’ house. As a company, we had that modern-classic startup story of going viral (Huffpost UK discovered us!). Once word got out and the orders flooded in, I invited (begged—I needed a lot of hands) my friends over to help me

pack and ship hundreds of orders. I got DMs from people around the world who had no idea I was a one person “company,” demanding we ship to them because “We have sex here too!” That was the moment I realized I’d created a thing people actually wanted. I’m a problem-solver, so it felt really good.

What are some of the setbacks or hurdles, both professionally and personally, that you have had to deal with in the name of getting Dripstick invented and getting the Awkward Essentials company off the ground?

Professionally, there are a lot of assumptions about what Dripstick is, why it was created, and how it works. The proliferation of social media definitely amplifies some of those assumptions and it can be a little rough. At the end of the day, I created the product for my own personal comfort — that’s it. I decided to share it with the world because I realized there may be other people seeking the same solution that I did. If it’s useful for them, that’s great. But it isn’t for everyone and that’s totally okay. Everybody has their own preferences regarding sex and comfort. I can understand why people feel a little uncertain (and awkward) about it, but it’d be cool if people took a minute to understand what Dripstick is first.

Personally, it’s so scary to take a leap into startup-land. I was (and still am) trying to bring something to market that doesn’t exist — which goes against all business advice. Yet, I’m still going to persevere because I believe in the work I’m doing. Like many other female founders, I often encounter imposter syndrome and second guess myself. That’s part of the awkwardness of being human. A lot of my friends

have these really cool, fancy corporate tech jobs with free food and massages, and I’m out here talking about jizz, packing boxes, and dipping my toes into every facet of the business. Despite all of that, I love this roller coaster. The things I’ve learned and experiences I’ve had far exceed any formal education.

The name for the Dripstick is pretty self-explanatory but where did the company name of “Awkward Essentials” come from?

We wanted to create a name that would allow us to create other solutions for behindthe-bathroom-door problems that no one is talking about. To be honest, sometimes people wonder why we are calling something awkward that shouldn’t be awkward, but it’s our way of talking about things head on. It’s hard to wrap your arms around and truly embrace all things awkward without acknowledging their awkwardness.

What do you say to the people that are nervous about using Dripstick - either because they’ve never used anything like it before or they have listened to other peoples’ potential fears over it such as TikTok OBGYNs (most of whom, it seems, have never actually tried the product or seen it in person) talking about potential red flags they could possibly see with it?

We’re always happy to answer questions via email, text, chat, DMs and we also offer a drip-free guarantee if someone doesn’t like it! Dripstick is made out of a medical grade sponge with zero additives whatsoever, and should only be used if there is cum in the vagina. That said, we totally understand it’s not for everyone and if someone isn’t a fan, we just ask that

they take a couple minutes to try to understand what it is and the intention without taking to social media first. In creating the product, I talked to as many medical professionals that would have a conversation with me, but at the end of the day it’s just a consumer product (i.e. do you run your dildo by your OBGYN?).

I saw that Awkward Essentials has another product that allows for those with a vulva to urinate while standing - are there any other products that you can talk about, that are in the works?

We can’t say just yet, but we love talking about and solving all those things done behind the bathroom door — sweat, pee, pores, hairs — you name it! The best way to find out about new products/launches/ etc is to join our email list at awkwardessentials.com or our private FB group facebook.com/groups/awktalk/.

What is next for Awkward Essentials?

We’re excited to keep talking and educating about all things awkward, growing our community, and releasing products to help solve problems. Awkward and onward

Awkward Essentials can be found locally at For The Love Of It in Wenatchee Wa.

Moxie Rose: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.

The information provided in this column is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice. C

PAN’S GROTTO ART & MYSTICISM

In early 2018, downtown Wenatchee got a little more mystical with the opening of Pan’s Grotto. Owned by Donnie Johnson and Stephanie Bohart, the little shop of wonders features a variety of curios, books, art and just about anything you can imagine to help guide you through the metaphysical, including in-person readings and coaching. Since opening, Pan’s Grotto has been a staple of the First Friday art walks, hosting themed shows and exhibits of paintings, line art and sculpture. The Comet spoke to Johnson (who is also an incredible sculptor) about this unique and eclectic Wenatchee boutique.

Tell us a little about your history and your background in the arts.

Growing up with a mother who is an amazing artist, I was able to explore any and all facets of the arts that grabbed my attention. My educational background is in graphic design, 2D and 3D animation, and multimedia film from the Art Institute graduating in 2001. I have worked some freelance in my field off and on over the past 20 years. But my love is the fine arts. Out of all the mediums I work with, sculpting is my favorite. My first gallery showing was one of my sculptures in 1996 at the Washington State Capital Gallery and Museum.

Tell us about the inception of Pan’s Grotto - including the origin of the name and what you envisioned the shop to be. So the origin of the name Pan’s Grotto came from my love of Greek Mythology. Pan was a God of nature watching over animals, shepherds and hunters alike. He was also a God of music (Arts), fertility and abundance. The Worship of Pan was always done in nature, mainly in grottoes and was more of a wild celebration, the word revelry describes the worship of Pan perfectly.

A grotto is a natural or man made cave that has been made to feel comforting and protective from the outside world. The name Pan in Greek means “All,” so the meaning of Pan’s Grotto to me is a safe place for all to celebrate their unique form of spirituality and creativity in the arts.

Here at Pan’s Grotto we carry a wide variety of metaphysical supplies. A wide variety of books with topics in the metaphysics, as well as tarot, and oracle cards and other forms of divination.

As for services I offer, I have been doing Intuitive Life Coaching, Psychic Readings and Energy Work since 1998, and became

a Reiki Master Teacher in 2009. This is a gift I have grown up with. As for being a healer and psychic, I feel everyone has the potential: some of us were just fortunate enough to have families that helped us develop it at young ages. As for the style of readings I do, I call them “Purely Energetic Readings” or “Oracle Card Readings,” which for the most part are energetic readings as well. My style is a very involved reading.

Just like the rest of my life, my Energy Work Practice is a touch different from most. I mix many traditions into my work. Using Crystal Therapy, Reiki, Some Shamanic Traditions, a few Eastern Traditions, and a few I have created along the way.

I do work with the Chakra System, as well as the body’s meridians, energetic pathways and junction points. I also do Cord Cuttings and DNA Activations, as well as Aura cleansing. Energy work helps to heal the soul and energetic field of the body.

What exactly is Reiki?

Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is based on the idea that an unseen “life force energy” flows through us

and is what causes us to be alive. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.

The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words - Rei which means “God’s Wisdom or the Higher Power” and Ki which is “life force energy.” So Reiki is actually “spiritually guided life force energy.”

A treatment can feel like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and wellbeing. Reiki is a simple, natural and safe method of spiritual healing and self-improvement that everyone can use. It also works in conjunction with all other medical or therapeutic techniques to relieve side effects and promote recovery. Reiki works with the premise that if your life force is flowing properly and is healthy than your life force can help the body to properly heal itself.

Its use is not dependent on one’s intellectual capacity or spiritual development and

therefore is available to everyone. It has been successfully taught to thousands of people of all ages and backgrounds.

While Reiki is spiritual in nature, it is not a religion. It has no dogma, and there is nothing you must believe in order to learn and use it. In fact, Reiki is not dependent on belief at all and will work whether you believe in it or not. Because Reiki comes from God, many people find that using Reiki puts them more in touch with the experience of their religion rather than having only an intellectual concept of it. While Reiki is not a religion, it is still important to live and act in a way that promotes harmony with others.

You have been taking part in Wenatchee’s First Fridays for a few years now, tell us about your art shows?

As for the Art Walks we mostly theme each month with something that compliments the vibe of Pan’s Grotto. But sometimes we will do a theme just because it sounds intriguing. The monthly changing themes are 100% inspired by my days showing art at the RadarStation. We accept all art forms, from photography and digital prints to paintings and sculptures.

FIVE POEMS CALLED THE MOON

Thy beauty haunts me heart and soul, Oh thou fair Moon, so close and bright; Thy beauty makes me like the child That cries aloud to own thy light: The little child that lifts each arm To press thee to her bosom warm.

Though there are birds that sing this night

With thy white beams across their throats, Let my deep silence speak for me More than for them their sweetest notes: Who worships thee till music fails, Is greater than thy nightingales.

By William Henry Davies

The Moon is like a big round cheese That shines above the garden trees, And like a cheese grows less each night, As though some one had had a bite.

The Mouse delights to nibble cheese, The Dog bites anything he sees-But how could they bite off the Moon Unless they went in a balloon?

And Human People, when they eat They think it rude to bite their meat, They use a Knife or Fork or Spoon; Who is it then that bites the moon?

By Oliver Herford

First Friday Art Show Schedule

First Friday Hours Through December: 5 pm-7:30 pm

Sep: Anatomy. A dissection of the human form.

Oct: Cryptids, Creatures, Urban Legends, and Myths. It’s spooky season, and what’s more bizarre than a cryptid in the woods or that local urban legend? Show us your scary side.

Nov: “Off the Edge” Art that pushes the envelope. Social and political commentary welcome. Get outside your comfort zone for this one!

Dec: Wenatchee’s Wonderfully Wacky Superbly Silly Art Extravaganza (Inspiration; island of misfit toys, what the elves would make without supervision, light-hearted silliness. Keep the silly in mind, no gruesome, ABSOLUTELY NO POLITICS, HAVE FUN above all else.)

Social media links:

Website: PansGrotto.com

Facebook: PansGrottoWa

Instagram: PansGrotto

She comes! again she comes, the bright-eyed moon!

Under a ragged cloud I found her out, Clasping her own dark orb like hope in doubt! That ragged cloud hath waited her since noon, And he hath found and he will hide her soon! Come, all ye little winds that sit without, And blow the shining leaves her edge about, And hold her fast--ye have a pleasant tune! She will forget us in her walks at night Among the other worlds that are so fair! She will forget to look on our despair! She will forget to be so young and bright! Nay, gentle moon, thou hast the keys of light-I saw them hanging by thy girdle there!

By Geroge MacDonald

If the Moon had a hand I wonder would she Stretch it down unto me?

If she did, I would go To her glacier land, To her ice-covered strand.

I would run, I would fly, Were the cold ever so, And be warm in the snow.

O Moon of all Light, Sailing far, sailing high In the infinite sky. Do not come down to me, Lest I shriek in affright, Lest I die in the night Of your chill ecstasy

By James Stephens

The moon was but a chin of gold A night or two ago, And now she turns her perfect face Upon the world below.

Her forehead is of amplest blond; Her cheek like beryl stone; Her eye unto the summer dew The likest I have known.

Her lips of amber never part; But what must be the smile Upon her friend she could bestow Were such her silver will!

And what a privilege to be But the remotest star!

For certainly her way might pass Beside your twinkling door.

Her bonnet is the firmament, The universe her shoe, The stars the trinkets at her belt, Her dimities of blue.

By Emily Dickinson

Pan’s Grotto is located at 3 N. Wenatchee Ave., Suite 2

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.

I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

1) The FDA recently made some changes and soon, millions of Americans will be eligible to get THIS as an over the counter item, negating the need for a doctor’s visit or medical exam. What product will Americans soon be able to get without a prescription?

A) Antibiotics

B) Hearing Aids

C) Transgender Therapy Hormones

D) Viagra

2) Steve Jobs named his company Apple partially because:

A) Because he ate four apples a day on average

B) It was his nickname for his infant daughter

C) It would appear in the phone book before his previous employer, Atari

D) Because he couldn’t name it after his favorite of the fruits, the Kumquat

3) A few weeks ago at Myrtle Beach, a 63 year old beach goer was tragically killed when THIS happened to her:

A) She had an extreme allergic reaction to new sunscreen she bought and no one was near to help identify what was happening

B) She was stung by so many jellyfish that she passed out and was taken out to sea

C) While digging a hole, she drowned in sand

D) A big gust of wind took someone’s beach umbrella to flight and then it struck and impaled her

4) Coffee. Lets fucking talk about it. Everyone loves a little caffeine boost. But did you know that ONE of the following statements about caffeine consumption is true. The rest I made up.

A) Caffeine can be addictive as heroin

B) Caffeine will caffeinate your semen

C) Under the right circumstances, Caffeine can generate a small amount of electricity

D) Caffeine acts as a super nutrient to most plants

5) Question two is a little grim, so buckle up. A sad and stunning statistic came across my desk recently. By far, what is the leading cause of death in pregnant women?

A) Placental Disorders and or pregnancy complications

B) Asphyxiation

C) Misadventure

D) Homicide

It’s back to school time which means no time for a complete breakfast. Cereal will have to do. Read on to learn what your sign’s cereal is:

Aries - Grape Nuts because you love to suffer.

Taurus - Cookie Crisp because you need a hug.

Gemini - Trix. Why let adulthood spoil your childlike nature?

Cancer - Lucky Charms (except it’s the off brand kind, Marshmallow Mateys) because you’re sad AND frugal.

Leo - Raisin Bran because you have been on autopilot for years.

Virgo - Cheerios because you’re SO sensible.

Libra - Rice Krispies because you lack flavor and dimension.

Scorpio - Count Chocula because you’s a dark and spooky bitch.

Sagittarius - Honey Bunches of Oats cuz you’re wholesome and sweet.

Capricorn - Cap’n Crunch because you’re a masochist. Just ask the roof of your mouth.

Aquarius - Froot Loops because you’re colorful and interesting on the outside but pretty one-note flavorwise.

Pisces - Shredded Wheat because you run from happiness.

It would appear in the phone book before his previous employer, Atari. 3

D) A big gust of wind took someone’s beach umbrella to flight and then it struck and impaled her. 4 - B) Caffeine will caffeinate your semen. 5 -D) Homicide (yikes).