EVERYTHING IS FINE

By Varuca Salty

Content warning: menstruation, neuroses.

Well, it’s my favorite time of the month where I get to play, “does everyone actually hate me or am I just about to start my period?” It’s a super fun game because I can honestly never tell which is true. Maybe it’s both?! Two opposing things can be true at the same time! Even after deleting my cycle tracking app I always know when it approacheth because I always think everyone hates me. Sure, I also feel this occasionally when I’m not about to start my cycle; after all, I do have a personality disorder. But it’s especially strong at this particular time. I have to wrestle with my own mind to figure out what is real and true or at least what likely isn’t true. I’d have to be pretty damn full of myself to think that I’m important enough for EVERYONE to hate me. More than likely most people are either indifferent to me or don’t even know I exist because I’m a complete hermit shutin. I’d be very surprised to find people actively hating me out in the world. I know this all logically... and yet. Hormones are a funny thing. I suppose my hormones are probably trying to tell me that my cycle is coming and maybe I should take some quiet alone time. Time to curl up with my heating pad, who I may have given a human name because we spend so much time together and he’s the warmest friend I have... Anyway, I’m fighting those forces today, the ones that tell me everyone hates me and probably thinks I’m the worst. Not sure why my brain feels the need to tell me these things for a full week every month, but here we are. It’s probably all of the mental illness and neuroses.

Anywho, here are some tips that help me through the PMS specific neurosis:

Step 1: Try to remember that you’re not important enough for EVERYONE to hate.

Step 2: Feel bad that you acknowledged (and remembered) just how unimportant you are.

Step 3: Go into a tailspin about not knowing your place in this world or why you even exist. Is it just to have chronic anxiety and panic attacks?! Is this all life is?!?

Step 4: Remember that you were only trying to remind yourself that it’s unlikely everyone is walking around thinking of you, let alone actively loathing you.

Step 5: Remember to breathe. You’ve been holding your breath this whole time and now you’re concentrating so hard on breathing you may actually be hyperventilating.

Step 6: Wonder why you’re like this...

Step 7: Remember why you’re here in the first place. Re-center, refocus, reel in that dissociation. Try saying positive affirmations like, “you’re beautiful and worthy of love.”

Step 8: Remember that affirmations only work if you believe them, so rework your affirmation into something more believable like, “you’re objectively attractive, probably, and are capable of being loved... probably.”

Step 9: Feel slightly better about yourself and your situation. Remember that friends and support can be really helpful when you’re struggling in these ways.

Step 10: Reach out to all of your closest friends and wait impatiently for the support to come rolling in because god damn it, you are deserving of love!

Step 11: Realize after about 15 minutes of impatiently waiting and staring into the void that no one is available and/or going to respond. Wonder how Every. Single. One. of your friends is busy at the exact same time, the time when you need them most.

Step 12: Think to yourself, “it’s probably because everyone hates me.”

Step 13: Go back to Step 1 only to discover, wait, what’s this?? Of course! You started your period. Realize it was probably your hormones making you feel bananas that whole time and that you’re actually pretty awesome and then just casually stop beating yourself up mentally. Problem solved.

Repeat every 28-31 days.

It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.....

I hope you find my tips helpful. Now get out there and enjoy your life! Or if you’re like me, get out there and question whether you’re likable or more likely deeply hated by everyone! Until next time. C

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2022 AT 6 PM – 10 PM

The Sam Leyde Band with Gideons Daughter

The Sunshine Ranch Wedding and Event Venue

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2022 AT 2 PM – 5 PM

Live Music with Gina Belliveau

Succession Wines

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2022 AT 6 PM

Taste of Whisky at Hard Hat Winery!

Hard Hat Winery Tasting Room - Wenatchee

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2022 AT 6 PM – 8 PM paint + sip | potions + pottery

Inspirations Ceramic & Art Cafe

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2022 AT 6 PM – 9 PM

Rylei at WVB

Wenatchee Valley Brewing Company

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2022 AT 7:30 PM

Black Box Concert ft. Argonaut & Wasp

Numerica Performing Arts Center

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

The Finger Guns, Hilltop Rats, FCON!!! Live at Wally’s House of Booze!!!

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2022 AT 10 AM

The Met: Live in HD - Medea

Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2022 AT 9 PM

Brett Benton ALBUM RELEASE PARTY w/ Bryson Evans Club Crow

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2022 AT 9 PM – 12 AM

Queeraoke at the Rock in Rock Island

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2022 AT 7:30 PM

HALLOW-QUEENS DRAG SHOW 2022

Numerica Performing Arts Center

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2022 AT 8 PM – 9:30 PM

“Ha-ha Haunted” Musical Comedy Show w/ Michael Glatzmaier Sigillo Cellars Chelan

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2022 AT 2 PM

2nd Annual Witch & Warlock Community Paddle

Wenatchee Confluence State Park

OCT 28 AT 2 PM – OCT 30 AT 3 PM

Summit to Sea FilmFest

Icicle Creek Center for the Arts