the fucking holidays

By Skylar Hansford

When you say the words “Christmas” or “holidays season” there is no shortage of images that spring to mind: family, Christmas tree, menorahs, food, elves, stockings, Santa, Mariah Carey… but how many times has “sex” jumped to mind during that word association?

Statistically, there are more births between August and September than any other months. Now I’m not the greatest with math but that seems to put conception right around the holidays. In fact, according to a recent NY Post survey, nearly three in four Americans polled (70%) said they typically have sex on Christmas day. Almost half (44%) admitting it’s a planned activity for Christmas. With nearly 47% owning up to having sex in their old childhood bedroom while visiting their family with a partner and 39% have done the deed in a partner’s childhood bedroom while visiting their family. One in four begrudgingly admitting that they’ve walked in on their parents “jingling some bells” while they were home for the holidays.

Not even the internet is safe from the spike in holiday cheer. According to PornHub Insights (the conglomerate’s data department) Christmas related searches see a massive surge around the holidays. Traffic to their website increases drastically — with the top three categories being “Naughty Santa’s Helper” (search increased +2012% during the Christmas season), “Xmas present” (+1842%), and “Santa Anal” (+1547%).

But before you think we’re all just doing it to stay warm during the winter, research shows that it’s not just biological, it’s a social phenomenon. Researchers realized this because the spikes were not the same worldwide. While in many countries there was an increase in sexual searches around Christmas, in Muslim-majority countries there was a peak around Eid-al-Fitr, the celebration that falls at the end of Ramadan. And with Christmas and Eid happening at totally different times of year, it seems as though it’s the atmosphere of celebration, more than a specific time period, that’s causing the boost.

So why are we like this? Most of the answers are speculative as there is not currently a lot of research done on the “why” of it as much as the “what”. But the strongest argument is the psychological need for connection. This need spans throughout our existence; we are at heart social creatures and crave connection. But during the holidays, which evoke feelings of closeness for many, a picture begins to form on why people crave even more of a connection during that time. “The holiday season is [all] about memories and intimacy,” says Michele M. Paiva, a licensed Psychotherapist. With an emphasis on connection and emotions running high, it’s easy to see why people would be feeling more sexual.

“Sex during the holidays is a perfect reason to emphasize the cuddly coziness that can be achieved with you and your partner,” exclaims Dr. Megan Stubbs, a sexologist and relationship expert. “Find innocuous happenings during your holiday events to create a fun game with your partner. Count how many times someone makes a passive, or just plain aggressive comment about politics and make that number [how many times] you try to make your partner cum.”

And since sex or masturbation is a great way to blow off steam and make yourself less stressed…Just know, if you’re feeling the urge, it’s absolutely okay to take some time for yourself or you and your partner.

Now to the big question: how can you help spice up your holiday? Answer: a yes, no, maybe list and possible a trip to your local adult store. For The Love Of It (located in Wenatchee, WA.), known as NCWs premier source for all things intimate, has a great solution! The YES, NO, MAYBE List.

“The YES, NO, MAYBE List gives people, especially couples, and easy and honest way to learn more about themselves and each other. The perfect conversation starter, The YES, NO, MAYBE List gives you the foundation to the sex life you both want.” Says Jake Purdom, one half of the husband and wife team that owns For The Love Of It.

The YES, NO, MAYBE List is a fun and unique way to explore new, intimate ideas for you and your partner. You and your partner each fill out your own list, marking down a yes, a no, or a maybe under each sexual or intimate act listed- as well as if you would like to “give” or “receive” said act (and half the fun is in looking up acts listed that you are unfamiliar with). Once completed you compare lists with your partner and let the good times roll. The YES, NO, MAYBE List can be found inside For The Love Of It’s Wenatchee based location, where there is also no shortage or adult products from lingerie to toys (some even having a specific Christmas theme) to utilize while you and your partner help keep each other warm. The list can also be found in PDF form on their website www.ftloi.net (both at no charge).

And if you’re worried you’ll be spotted while shopping for your extra… holiday spice, we’ll leave you with this from the stores other owner, Lalani Purdom: “If people knew how many people they know come in to adult stores to shop, it would no longer be considered taboo”.

So this holiday season, while you may be destined to become another sexual Christmas statistic, remember that it’s not only normal… sometimes it’s downright necessary. Skylar Hansford: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.