The Crusader Publication AY ENDER 2013 by The Crusader Publication

The

Crusader

The official student publication of Xavier University - Ateneo de Cagayan Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Contents

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

“Hold Up!” How to prevent and respond to robberies

The

Cruchever

16 | Editor’s Note 17 |

For the College Students: This is not a letter of gratitude

18 | The Gravity of the Gravity Woes

The Cover The

19 | How Not to Survive Senior Year

Crusader

The official student publication of Xavier University - Ateneo de Cagayan Vol. 39 No. 6

20 | Chronicling the Philippine senatorial race 22 | The Foolproof Guide to a Smashing Summer 24 | How to be “the” Alpha Dog 25 |

Woman survives house fire, becomes internet sensation

26 | XU passes AF system for teachers 26 | XU students receive erotic art recognition

We are now living at the peak of the information age. Social media interconnects lives around the globe. This entails to different radical advancements in the function of every individual, and ultimately the society. Embrace it or fight it, the fact is, whether we like it or not, progress through technology will continually revolutionize our world. For this reason, we might as well take advantage of it. All of us have the power to.C Design by Francis Ryan O. Avellana Words by Princess E. Tolentino

27 | XU to install soundproof hallways 27 | Book Center to offer portals, scrolls to students 28 | Gatekeepers: An Analysis of the XU Security Guards

The

Crusader

The official student publication of Xavier University- Ateneo de Cagayan Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Publishers Subscribing students of Xavier University – Ateneo de Cagayan | Editors Nadine Hendrikka E. Legaspi Editor in Chief, Sam D. Garcia Associate Editor (Interim), Haiko B. Magtrayo Design Editor (Interim), Princess E. Tolentino Managing Editor, John Kenneth E. Ching News Editor (Interim), Ma. Therese D. Agcopra Campus Features Editor, Dharyl Jean A. Indino Local Features Editor, Saharah Iman M. Alonto National Features Editor, Lyle Justin A. Egay Global Features Editor (Interim), Robert A. Villaluz, Jr. Sports Editor, Rico M. Magallona Layout Editor, Alvin Paul R. Yao Photography Editor (Interim), Alexes June E. Baslot Freehand Editor | Finance Officers Caroline Joy R. Go Senior Finance Officer, Rochelle D. Barros Junior Finance Officer (Interim) | Managers Jaymar T. Patana Human Resource Manager (OIC), Jenamae G. Espineli Office Manager (OIC), Alvin Paul R. Yao Circulations Manager, Janrick Carl T. Romales Sr. Computer Systems Manager & Online Accounts Manager, Kevin Paul P. Mabul Jr. Computer Systems Manager (Trainee), Volco Louie J. Magbanua Video Productions Manager | Staff Writers Louren B. Aranas (Trainee), Alve Jane B. Aranton (Trainee), Johnray S. Asiñero (Trainee), Nikko Lance Galarrita (Trainee), Marina M. Garcia (Trainee), Caroline Joy R. Go, Clarice Jobeth R. Kee (Trainee), Nitzschia Cassiopiea Beroe A, Lozarita (Trainee), Kevin Paul P. Mabul (Trainee), Ryan Albert Ignacius B. Sanchez (Trainee), Leasusana C. Ty, Jacqueline P. Uy, Micka Angela Victoria B. Virtudazo (Trainee), Joule Artemson D. Visabella | Staff Artists Ma. Kristin Victoria Z. Abesamis (Trainee), Ben Clark B. Balase (Trainee), Rochelle D. Barros, Princess Johanni Marinell R. Darimbang (Trainee), Jenamae G. Espineli, Arnel Jade A. Evangelista II (Trainee), Christian Loui S. Gamolo, Jaymar T. Patana, Eunice Jenny T. Planco (Trainee), Venice Marie P. Villo Moderator Mrs. Ann Catherine Ticao-Acenas The

For contributions, please address your articles and/or comments to: Crusader Publication office, Rm. 302, Student Center Bldg., Xavier University 9000, Cagayan de Oro City Circulation: 7, 500 copies

EDITORIAL

Sign of the times

he deaths of Maybelle Caritas-Roa in Aluba and Michael Angelo Maleriado in Nazareth were out of resistance to theft; Caritas-Roa refused to give her bag to the criminal, while Maleriado intervened while two XU students were being robbed. The two shootings that happened on the night of February 19, coupled with the rebel insurgence in Camp Philips, sparked an influx of questions and paranoia in the people of the City of Golden Friendship. Both crime scenes were dark, deserted, no authorities around— and that made people ask, “Why?” Why weren’t there any lights around? Or people? Or policemen? Why has there been a sudden rise in crimes lately? And of course, out comes the most asked question of all: What on Earth are the authorities doing about it? These crimes occur more often because no one is caught. No one is scared to be, either. Fix CDO Now, a Facebook page that advocates the ‘fixing’ of various impairments in the city, released numerous accounts from concerned and involved citizens regarding the recent spike of crimes in the city. Apparently, many robberies have gone uninvestigated in the past months. Since the night of the double shooting, people have begun to doubt their safety in the city that was once revered for its peacefulness. Ask any person and they would know of someone recently robbed: threatened with death if they didn’t give everything they had; injured because they had nothing to give; unabashedly stripped of their possessions, even in broad daylight. The victims, bargaining for their life, have no choice but to yield to the criminals, and well they should— material things are replaceable; life is not in any way. Skeptics would call this a sign of the times; perhaps it is. But now that we are aware, informed, and cautious of these occurrences and the protection we deserve as citizens, in comes the need for constant vigilance, and leaders who would not simply dismiss these crimes as petty, but would value the welfare of their constituents—their voters.C

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Sky’s the Langit John Kenneth E. Ching

Stopping the Family’s (Monkey) Business

ave you ever heard of “Game of Thrones”? Does “The Godfather” ring a bell to you? If you answered “Yes” to both, then what do you think connects those two together, aside from showing lots of violence and being based from critically-acclaimed novels? Both shows actually focus on struggles that involve families. Whether it’s in the medieval backdrop of the fictional Seven Kingdoms or in a 1950’s New York City dominated by mafiosi, scenes of clans jockeying for power, riches, and influence are commonplace. Which brings us, then, to the Philippines – a country that does a good job of reenacting those works of fiction into a Third World setting. The worst-kept secret in the Philippine electoral scene is the consolidation of political power to a few individuals sharing the same bloodline, a practice that reeks of nepotism and manipulation of power. (Not to mention the proliferation of opposing “coalitions” sharing senatorial candidates and the queer decision of ruling local administrations to hold rallies against phantom suspension orders from DILG. Actually, there are a lot of badly-kept secrets in Philippine politics.) Here, then, enters the Anti-Dynasty Bill proposed by the fiery, quote-rich Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. When approved by both Houses and signed by the Pres. Benigno C. Aquino, III, it is the antidote to all our problems concerning political dynasties by disqualifying candidates who are related to an incumbent within the second degree of consanguinity. (In simpler terms, you cannot run for an office if the incumbent is your husband/

wife, sibling, parent, son/daughter, grandparent, or grandchild. The ruling applies to all legitimate, illegitimate, and adopted family members.) I, for one, am hoping that enacting this bill into a full-fledged law will happen someday, if only to give other Filipinos a chance to lead the nation into doing something great. However, it is not the solution. The faults are ingrained deep to the core; this problem of clans playing the local or national game of thrones is a result of decades of putting the family pride first before anything else and not by some loophole in the Omnibus Election Code or the Constitution. It also didn’t help that past elections for an office featured contenders (and pretenders) from opposing clans, and that we didn’t lift anything beyond a finger about it. (Passing this bill will mean that the “good” political dynasties – whose patriarchs and matriarchs really taught their children to become good leaders – are also affected. Life is that unfair.) The best thing to counter this practice (and all other filthy tactics that the trapos are using) is simple: be conscious and intelligent voters for the upcoming elections, and beyond. Gasgas and borderline unattainable, I know. But let us not subject ourselves to this fatalism. There isn’t really a better solution to all these ills than to put responsible and sensible people in office. People like Game of Thrones’ Ned Stark, whose approach to leadership is based from honor, truth, and sincerity. Do not wait for May 13 to arrive; the crusade for a better government starts with us. It starts today.C

Where art thou?

Layout by Rico M. Magallona Photo by Alvin Paul R. Yao

Off the record Dharyl Jean A. Indino

Can you still recall the entourage of people who frequent University-wide activities? The ones who wear identical black shirts who call themselves members of Amplify? Can you still remember Amplify? During former CSG President Mario Tero II's term, Amplify was created. A program of the XU-CSG Communication Office, Amplify was said to be the information powerhouse for students. It had set up itself its own Facebook account, a website, and even a hotline number which students could contact regarding University affairs. And not only that, it went as far as setting up a booth in front of the Chapel to provide updates on the 2011 NBA Finals. It was very active and visible per se. Yet, this lamp seemed to have run out of kerosene little by little. Come Acabo’s administration, Amplify lay low before it became totally silent. Now, its Facebook account, though still activated, hasn’t posted anything valuable recently, the website cannot be found, and the hotline number isn’t really known to be working. Amplify was created through Executive Order 9 released by Tero. The project was continued by Acabo with proof through a Facebook post announced on August 2, 2012 regarding midterm tutorials. However, after the said date, there haven’t been any other postings on their Facebook account. Since it was adapted by Acabo’s administration, it should have been continued until today. XU-CSG may still be currently active in information dissemination but cannot justify why their program vanished out of the blue. I commend XU-CSG for creating a program aimed to actively foster government-to-student interaction. I commend Acabo’s administration for trying to continue Amplify. Yet,

I denounce the same for inconsistency. In DevCom, we are taught that implementation of programs, regardless of duration, should be continuous. Once-in-a-blue-moon or mercurial tendencies when it comes to project application must be avoided. Implementers cannot just put a program to an end because of problems met or just because they suddenly want to change their ways on meeting the set objectives. Meanwhile, one doesn’t need to be a DevCom student to know that one has to finish what has started; a program cannot just vanish anytime. Amplify was able to capture the students’ attention and was on the track of closing the CSG-students gap. In fact, I knew some who really sent messages to the hotline. Yet, while the students are still trying to acclimate with the program, it slowly stalled. If Amplify aimed to be the fountainhead of information, then it needed to make the students get accustomed to what it did. And given its positive feedback, the organizers must have strived to perpetuate the momentum or raise it even higher. The problem with many projects implemented by student organizations in the University is the lack of consistency and sustainability. Many projects after launching are then left at the curb. Consistency will reinforce the achievement of the goals of the projects for people cannot change nor adopt ideas, values and behaviors overnight. Consistency will also show the level of commitment the organizers have. When they strive to continue what they have initiated, that exudes the feeling that they are willing to do more to make the program successful. And isn’t magis the Ignatian value we possess and we pride ourselves to practice?C

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

By Louren B. Aranas

*As of press time, the Aggie Student Council is yet to choose its Prime Minister from the elected 4th Year Representatives as they follow a parliamentary form of government.

n February 14, 15, and 18, XU students were given an opportunity to choose who they believe are best to lead the XU student community through Botar Atenista 2013. The comparison There were several differences between the 2013 and 2012 campus elections. Foremost, the number of candidates running for the top two positions in the Central Student Government (CSG) increased. There were four candidates vying for the top two seats, a big leap from last year when only two people ran – one each for President and Vice President. Sandra Retes, chief commissioner of the XU-CSG Electoral Commission (ELECOM), also observed that the elections had been more challenging to the student body since the “imposition of the quota system was no longer followed.”

Higher turnout Despite the impediments, 4,240 student voters participated in this year’s elections, a recorded increase in voter turnout: it climbed from 37% last year to 39.49%. Retes attributes this change to “stronger information dissemination and early promotions” since the Electoral Commission started the preparations earlier than usual. Moreover, stamping out the quota system gives a new challenge to future contenders since there will no longer be a coercing factor that comes with their candidacy. “With the eradication of the quota [system], a single vote says a lot about a candidate.”

Improved information and involvement Since better student participation in the next elections can be chalked up to greater information dissemination, newly-elected CSG President Princess Kimberly Ubay-ubay suggests that the ELECOM could provide the students with more information about the candidates. “Maximize social media through releasing infographics about the campus elections or videos that will allow the students to question what is going on… Maybe through this way, students will be more interested in the elections.” Ubay-ubay recommends that they join in activities like Meet the Press and Miting de Avance, which may guide them in scrutinizing the contenders’ platforms, pondering on what they deem best for the XU community, and help them cast an informed vote. Meanwhile, Retes urges that the 2011 XUCSG Omnibus Election Code be reviewed. “There are provisions that are not applicable anymore. Making a clear addendum would help the commission and candidates.” *** If the entire student body, not just those who have been elected into office, will become involved, then we might get what we expect from campus activities. One loses his right to complain about the university once he refused to play his part as a voter. So, is a 100% voters’ turnout possible? Perhaps, but only if the worth of one vote will weigh down upon each student.C www.thecrusaderpublication.com

Design by Haiko B. Magtrrayo

Glitches and apathy Constant internet connection problems were a situation the ELECOM had to deal with, a major concern since the elections were computerized. Thankfully for them, the Computer and Information Services Office provided quick assistance. Aside from technical glitches, a longstanding issue which student leaders have been struggling to eradicate or at least minimize is student apathy. Harold John Laborte, incoming CSG Vice President, says that students who are not involved in campus elections fall into two categories: those who don’t have time to vote, and those who don’t

care at all. Unfortunately, these two outnumber those who “are concerned on the outcome of the elections since this will definitely change [the] university environment.” Other frequently cited reasons of low student participation are lack of information about the candidates and the election per se, and the failure to recognize how significant one’s choices are— translated into votes—in improving the university, among others. “Ang common notion man gyud dayon if wala’y kontra kay dili na lang sila mag-vote, kay mudaog [ang lone candidate] man gihapon.” Retes opines, referring to the Association of the College of Engineering Students being the only college council which had opposing contenders for council president and vice president. “Why? I’ll leave that to the students.”

AY 2012-2013 in a flashback

By Nikko Lance Galarrita

2012

June

July

Our Challenge and Pride With all subjects adhering to Base–0, college students face a new, unified grading system for the new academic year and beyond. XU alumnus Louie Talents, who studied in France’s National Academy of Fine Arts for a year, came back home and exhibited his Atten-hut Art Project at the Lucas Hall grounds, portraying his interpretation of the Philippine justice system.

August

Flamboyant Facade The two-storey Student Entrepreneurship Program (SEP) Mall opened its doors to the public. It serves as a venue for XU students, primarily (but not limited to) those in the Business Administration course, as a venue to facilitate the development of small businesses participating in SEP.

Let’s Fiesta XU joins Kagay-anons in celebrating the Kagay-an Festival in honor of St. Augustine, notable for showing the recovery of the city from the damage wrought by Typhoon Sendong.

2012

November Smiles Restored Operation Smile was conducted having students and socially aware individuals from XU and other institutions as medical volunteers. In their 30th Anniversary here in CDO, the team presented early Christmas gifts of medical operation to 127 children with cleft palates and cleft lips.

October

Design by Jose Alfonso P. Sendaydiego

Reinforcing Resilience With electrifying dance parties, lively music, theater expositions and film fests, food stalls, and merrymaking, Xavier University Festival Days 2012 delivered to its hype as being one of the longest and biggest parties in Northern Mindanao. A few days later, Typhoon Pablo lashed the city with blistering winds and strong rains, but having learned from the tragedy of Sendong, major destruction as well as casualties was averted. Exactly a year after the dreadful Sendong experience, a memorial was built in remembrance of the victims. 4

Roaring Victorious After nine long years, the College of Arts and Sciences Tigers staked their claim – and the bragging rights – atop the 2012 Intramurals field, leaving the School of Business and Management Eagles second and last year’s overall champion College of Engineering Warriors third. Speaking of the Intramurals, the controversial hair-dyed participants for the Cheerleading Competition stirred intense debate among students and University administrators.

Explosive Semestral Entrance Early semestral break brought forth an early resume of classes for the second semester. After some tension, bombs were found in different locations in CdeO – one of which was situated within a few blocks from XU’s Main Campus.

2012

December

September

2013

January New Structure, New Shock The Jose Ch. Alvarez Technology Complex in Manresa Campus was opened to house the Center for Integrated Technologies students and teachers. Fr. Roberto C. Yap, S.J. announced that XUHS students will be occupying the CIT and SBM buildings in the Corrales Campus for the next academic year in preparation of the Pueblo Campus for the K-12 Program.

February Novelty and Norm Through a username and a password given by the Registrar, students can now access their midterm and final grades online as part of the soft implementation of the Student Lifecycle Management and Information System. Online registration is slated to be open the following academic year. This year’s CSG Elections goes back to the norms of having a decent one-on-one competition for the top two spots: this time, Alyansang Atenista candidates Princess Kimberly Ubay-ubay and Harold John Laborte prevail over independent candidates Abdul Hakeem Lomondot and Hamilcar Chanjueco, Jr. Also, the voter quota for the elections has been removed. Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

ith all the robberies happening in what was once considered as a relatively safe city, citizens of Cagayan de Oro must equip themselves with information that may help them get by the position of being mugged. Whether the recent escalation in cases of street robbery is election-related or not (or if they’re truly accounted for or not), prevention is still the best cure. However, if you find yourself as a victim to the situation, knowing the right thing to do goes a long way in preserving your very precious life.

street, especially if it’s quiet and dangerous, you may become a target to experienced thieves. 5. Stay alert for possible dangers. • You can minimize the chance of being surprised by paying attention to your surroundings and avoiding distractions. You become an easier target when you do things like listening to music on headphones, talking on the phone, or anything else that steals your attention from your surroundings. 6. Acknowledge your instincts. • If you think you are being followed, head directly to shelter where you can call the police or completely get away from the scene. • Do not hesitate to draw attention to yourself by making noise or calling for help. This usually makes robbers back off, especially if there are able citizens around you. What to do when you’re mugged This is the point of no return and is the most crucial phase in preventing injury or death. 1. Comply with the mugger’s requests. • This is the safest thing to do. Getting your valuables is a robber’s main objective. They usually kill as a last resort or when they’re provoked. 2. Calm down. • Handle the situation calmly no matter how panicinducing it is. Looking agitated and confrontational may be misinterpreted as a precursor to self-defense. 3. Take note of the mugger’s distinguishing features. • Try to examine your robber’s face and what he is wearing, as well as some attributes like hair color, distinctive tattoos, scars, abnormalities, or moles. If you can estimate the height and weight, do so. This will come in handy for your police report. 4. Resort to self-defense. • This is a very risky move. Execute this as a last option and only if you’re sure that you can disarm the robber or disable him. Be wary of lookouts, as this is a common modus operandi for robbers to do crime in pairs and even in groups.

Plan of action after getting mugged 1. Relax and head to a safe place. • You are to start your plan of action only when you’re sure that the robber is out of sight and that you’re completely out of danger. Once safe, you can then head to a police station. 2. Make a complete police report. • Tell everything to the officers, especially the details that can lead to the arrest of the thief. Do not leave out important information such as the robber’s clothing, distinguishing features, and manner of robbery. The police can piece your information together with other people’s accounts to catch a common suspect. Lastly, report all items that you have lost. 3. Take precautions to stop the robber from using your bank cards and personal information. • If you have working debit or credit cards, make sure to call your bank/s and have them freeze your account. You will also have to change your door locks if you have handed your address and your keys along with your bag or purse. 4. Learn from the experience. • Consider yourself very unlucky if you’ve been mugged more than once. Take note of how things have happened and how you can prevent a second time. 5. Tell everyone you know. • After reporting the incident to the authorities, spread awareness by any means possible. Your story could help another become more vigilant and prevent identical scenarios from happening again. *** In these times when people do things out of desperation, desperate measures have to be made as well. Just remember that material things can always be replaced and that you only have one life to live.C Sources: “How to Avoid Being Mugged,” WikiHow (http://www.wikihow.com) “What Should I do in a Mugging?” wiseGEEK (http://www.wisegeek.com) “How to Get Help after Being Mugged” eHow (http://www.ehow.com)

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Design by Princess E. Tolentino

How to prevent getting mugged 1. Dress appropriately. Do not wear clothes that attract unwanted attention. • Avoid wearing flashy jewelry and accessories, or using gadgets ostentatiously. • Wear your university uniform where you’re expected to do so: the campus. Avoid side trips after going out of Xavier University and avoid wearing your uniform until late at night. Students are common prey to robbers since they usually have valuables with them. 2. Avoid dangerous parts of town. • There are some places near XU which are notoriously known to be frequented by robbers, such as Cogon and some parts of Nazareth. Also, walk in streets that are well-lit and where help is easily accessible. 3. Walk with a sense of purpose and know where you are going. • Robbers usually assess their victims first before doing their evil act. Walk straight and keep your head up. It gives you a seemingly tougher exterior. • Do not go into streets or alleys which you’re not familiar with. Robbers can sense if you’re lost or if you’re looking for directions. 4. Travel in groups. • If you have to be out late or if you happen to be in a risky place, walk in groups. This intimidates your assailants as this signals more possibility for defense. 5. Change your route from time to time. • Some robbers closely study their victims days before an attack. By routinely walking through a particular

By Sam D. Garcia

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dmit it, in one way or another, you were part of a niche in high school. You were either one of the jocks, the banda dudes, the nerds, the rebels, or the group of awkward friends brought together by your quirky commonalities. What’s in groups anyway? What makes people stay in one? Read on and realize that there are so many niches thriving in our city aside from yours. Bring the Beat In Music is traditionally produced through different instruments: drums, guitar, ukulele, and cello among others. But something which could produce similar sounds has become prominent

especially during the early 2000’s—the mouth. Beat boxing is said to be the fifth element of hip hop. People who do it use vocal percussions to produce sounds. In 2006, when punk rock was still the trend, beat boxing came to Johnrey “Tingbirds” Yap through YouTube videos. Imitating the videos he found online, Tingbirds was able to find out that he too can make sounds that aren’t common to the human mouth. And since the genre was still gaining attention, Tingbirds was one of the rare Kagay-anons wellversed in beat boxing at the time. However, that changed when he joined the Dire Husi Initiative in 2009 where he found a number who shared his musical interest. From seven members, CDO

Beat Box, as how they are officially called, grew to a 12-member group since 2009. Tingbirds believes in the saying that two (or more) is always better than one. He shares that even if beat boxing is usually a solo performance, they are able to grow as beat boxers and as persons in sharing their techniques through the community. But since beat boxing is not a language everyone can speak, one of the greatest challenges the group faces is finding new blood to expand and grow as a community. When asked what his dream was for his community, Tingbirds answered, “Ang goal jud namo kai mudako ang beat boxing community diri sa Cagayan… Ma-share

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

pud namo ang among talent.” Their niche teaches us that we are not alone in our talents and that surrounding ourselves with people with a common calling helps us foster these skills and grow in our chosen crafts. The Cause for the Paws Given a good day, you might be in for a canine surprise as the CDO Dog Walkers release prancing pooches from Magsaysay Park in Divisoria to Rotunda. You’ll get to see packs of Huskies, Bullys, Chow Chows, Shih Tzus and other breeds getting their regular dose of exercise. Dog walking is only one of the activities of CDO Dog Walkers. What makes them different from other dog groups is they don’t do it for money and for show. “Ang purpose jud ani na group is to help the dogs—the unfortunate dogs, not just any dogs. Amo pud gina-train ang owners,” states Mahrue Ladeo, Vice President and cofounder of the organization. Members who treasure and care for the K-9 race perform rescue operations, obedience trainings, find homes for strays and the neglected, finance neuter & spaying operations, provide vitamins, educate people on responsible dog ownership, or pretty much anything that promotes dog welfare. They conduct no less than two to three walks in a month, excluding the activities mentioned. Suazo, another member, always found dogs adorable but couldn’t get past her fear of getting bitten. She never owned a dog not until she found CDO Dog Walkers. “I learned a lot from CDO Dog Walkers. Through their educational talks, mas na better nako ug understand ang dogs ug dili na ko gakahadlok. I can say that I am a responsible dog owner.” Since its beginning in August 2011, the group has grown and is now composed of more than 70 members. Despite the number, it faces the challenge of small manpower and meager finances as they only rely on donors and volunteers. However, their love for man’s best

friend seems to have caused them to go above and beyond to overcome the challenges they face like their rescue of Charity, a stray dog that was once seen in the streets in Cagayan de Oro with a large tumor hanging on her belly. Through the rescue and rehabilitation of a dog-loving soul, she is now tumor-free and CDO Dog Walkers is currently finding a home for her. Their niche teaches us to give back in ways we know how. That there is a need to feed not only the passions we pursue but also our compassion for others, be it man or dog. Gliding Forward “Daot ni sila, mga adik, mga bugoy,” Jandee Ladao, founder of NorthMind Longboarders, shares the common stereotypes people label them as when they are seen on the streets. Ignorance is the reason why they still aren’t accepted by the community, according to him. Sebastian Colocar, a longboard boutique owner, also adds that contrary to people’s belief, they have many professional members like nurses and doctors. They also share that pursuance of their discipline has given those who have vices the opportunity to minimize them. The first and lone Longboarding community in Cagayan de Oro, NorthMind Longboarders was founded in June of 2010 and is currently composed of 40-50 members, some of whom are competing and winning in national competitions. “Mahimo na mura nami’g mga igsoon. Gahi-usa mi sa longboarding. Diri, equal ra mi tanan.” Colocar further shares that their community knows no status and that they look out for each other all the same when they go out and skate. What makes Longboarding different from other board sports is that it involves speed. North Mind members can go as fast as 100 kilometers an hour. But with speed comes risks. Despite the risks, they keep on going. “Lami man gyud kaayo mag-skate. Kibali, nahimo siya’g outlet namo,” Basty shares. “Worth it tanang sakit—matumba ka, ma-slide or unsa ba kaha. Kibali para sa amo, ang satisfaction

para sa usa ka adlaw makuha sa skating,” Jandee adds. While these long boarders have families, responsibilities and priorities to balance and take care of, their niche teaches us that we find brothers from another mother, that there are people who accept and support you because they understand what it means to go forward in doing what you love. *** Why do we stay in groups? What does being in niches teach us? Given the stories by a few, you can deduce that the concept of “for others” can only be attained when we actually are with others. So for those who haven’t found theirs yet, I implore you to find your niche. Cagayan de Oro City offers all kinds, from Koi, to Poi, to BMX, to Frisbee. You might not know it, but people are waiting to welcome you and your unique interests with open arms. C

[

Niche

\`nich also `nēsh or `nish\ noun

]

term describing a place, employment, status, or activity for which a person or thing is best fitted

Design by Janrick Carl T. Romales

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By Saharah Iman M. Alonto

very three years, the nation is compelled to decide on whom to vote for 18,053 elective posts. To add to the pressure, campaign period only begins on the 12th of February. But the bulk of stress does not come from these numbers and dates to remember. It is brought by the inevitable circumstance of dealing with the most far-fetched election traditions. By now, Philippine elections can be likened to Filipino teleseryes, which feature the latest faces but still develop on timeworn plots. In the succeeding parts, the current issues surrounding the May 2013 elections are mentioned. Be the one to judge if they are the new faces of long-standing traditions or not. Trust vs. Mistrust In the Philippines, there is no denying that cheating is an actuality. On August of 2011, then-senator Migz Zuburi had to file his resignation after being accused that votes for other senatorial candidates were given to him when he ran as an administration candidate during the May 2007 elections. In order to address the inefficiency brought by the manual elections, the Commission on Elections (COMELEC) adopted House Bill No. 5715, which proposed a nation-wide automated election for May 2010. But there were those who

doubted it. Senator Francis Escudero declared, “I am not willing to spend even a single centavo for a system which is not tested, for a system we cannot even describe or define, or a system that we’re not even sure of delivering a clean, honest, and fair election.” Even after proving its efficiency during the last election, there are still parties questioning the automated system. Just this January, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) expressed, “If not properly addressed the present automated election system can lead to wholesale cheating…” They pressed concerns on possible technical deficiencies of the Precinct Count Optical Scan (PCOS) and the need to conduct a random manual audit on the eve of the election itself. As an argument, the COMELEC paraded to the public that the PCOS machines had underwent nine enhancement procedures. Some also insist that the lack of a source code certification, software that allows the PCOS machines to read and count votes, would cause trouble. They maintain that it might lead to a stream of electoral protests from the losing candidates. But COMELEC Commissioner Sixto Briliantes firmly holds that it does not matter whether the code is certified or not. Despite the improved system, COMELEC’s

ability to ensure a cheat-free election is questionable. What do you think is causing this public distrust over them? Left vs. Right Elections can be a battle between two parties trying to outdo each other. These two parties are from the administration and the opposition. For this election, the nation is challenged to choose between two parties, the President-led Team PNoy and the Vice-President-led United Nationalist Alliance (UNA). Senatorial line-ups being divided into two major parties are common even in the international political arena. In the Philippines, it becomes very distinct since the battle can be borderline personal. Interestingly, during the earlier days of the campaign, Team PNoy and UNA shared three common candidates: Loren Legarda, Francis Escudero and Grace Poe. But UNA opted to discard them on the third week of February. UNA placed the blame on the three candidates’ frequent absences from the party’s campaign sorties. All three candidates expressed that their respect for UNA remains despite their being junked. But Francis Escudero stressed, “Yes, because this election has never been about petty issues of which rally you attend.” After broadcasting their decision, UNA

Sources: “ Team PNoy liken UNA to sinking ship”, Inquirer News (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/363169/team-pnoy-likens-una-to-sinking-ship) “Escudero, Poe, Legarda: No hard feelings”, Inquirer News (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/362809/escudero-poe-legarda-no-hard-feelings) “Jamby blames volunteers for iPad gimmick”, Rappler (http://www.rappler.com/nation/politics/elections-2013/22232-jamby-blames-volunteers-for-ipad-gimmick) “Comelec allays CBCP’s fear of massive cheating in May”, The Philippine Star (http://www.philstar.com/headlines/2013/01/31/903113/comelec-allays-cbcps-fear-massive-cheating-may) CBCP wary of “Wholesale Cheating” in May Polls, Manila Bulletin (http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/391622/cbcp-wary-wholesale-cheating-may-polls#.USy6p) “Zubiri steps down”, Sun Star Manila (http://www.sunstar.com.ph/manila/local-news/2011/08/04/zubiri-steps-down-170838) “Fast facts about the 2013 elections”, Inquirer News (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/279700/fast-facts-about-the-2013-elections) “UNA drops common bets but cites ties”, Rappler (http://www.rappler.com/video/22338-una-drops-common-bets-but-cites-personal-ties) 8

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received a number of negative feedback. Team PNoy spokesman Ben Evardone, commented, “Nobody wants to be with them.” and added, “It has come to a point that being identified with UNA is a kiss of death.” On the other hand, Team PNoy was not spared from malicious political judgments too. They were lambasted with observations of early campaigning, of abusing their advantages of being PNoy’s bet, and of their being part of the senate presidency scheme of their campaign manager, Senator Franklin Drilon. This exchange of assaults between major senatorial slates has been ongoing since time immemorial. It is easy to be either actively involved in finding faults of the opposing party or to be blindly supportive of the party of your choice.

constitutional therefore there are no legal provisions to take it down. To their dismay, the COMELEC ordered it to be removed since it’s beyond the allowable less than two by three feet poster-size of any material. With iPads and religious institutions suggesting where your vote should go, it is difficult to stand firm and independent. *** These aforementioned issues have been withstanding Philippine elections. It is a constant debacle of one’s version of truth versus another. It has been a wicked election tradition to lure people from the real truth. Elections can be very well played to divert you from its very essence. The focus should not be on the issues surrounding it, but the purpose of the election itself—which is to place eligible people to electoral positions. It is helpful to be aware of what is happening but not to the expense of its overshadowing why you should be voting. In all honesty, there is another vote you have to cast; you have to vote whether to involve yourself with these traditions or to go for change once and for all.C

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You vs. Them Election is also a feast—a grand feast of opinions and endorsements. People will shove their campaign slogans down your throat. You’ll suffocate with different but equally treacherous advertising propaganda. Just less than a month since the campaign period started, the public harshly critiqued a number of endorsement oversights. For this election, Jamby

Madrigal starred the first endorsement scandal. Apparently, Madrigal orchestrated an iPad gimmick. Using her official Facebook and Twitter accounts, she announced, “Speak your mind out about corruption and win an iPad.” Acts of this likes are illegal as prescribed by the Omnibus Election Code, Section 261 (a), “any person who gives, offers, or promises money or anything of value... in order to induce anyone or the public in general to vote for or against any candidate is guilty of vote-buying.” To save herself from possible disqualification, Madrigal reasoned that her volunteers were the one who staged the gimmick. These endorsement outrages are not one-man acts. In fact, solid institutions have not been saved from the fury of some for their endorsements of choice. In the third week of February, the Diocese of Bacolod, have tagged seven senatorial candidates and four party-lists as members of “Team Patay”. In their opinion, these seven candidates are not worthy of the Catholics’ votes since they’re proRH bill. In fact, they even posted a six by ten feet tarpaulin to express their opinion. They defend their act as

By Sam D. Garcia

he smell of books. Anyone can relate to the intimacy of smelling fresh paper. There’s something special, and almost nostalgic, to the scent as it reminds us of the stories we’ve read as children, the novels we’ve loved, and practically all the literature we’ve relished through the years. Somehow, the scent even marks our identity as readers born before the spur of the digital age. We’ve definitely come a long way from writing on papyrus and carving symbols, but the advent of the digital age has brought in new considerations as well. Newsweek, a news magazine that has circulated in print for the last 79 years, transitioned to an all-digital publication since the first quarter of 2013. This is shocking, but we see waves of this change also hit home. While riding a plane to Manila, your seatmate may draw out a Kindle to pass the time. In classes, students may whip out digital copies of books on their tablets. The fad is quite hard to ignore. The big question is, will it revolutionize reading and writing in the future? The need to go digital It comes with no question that electronic publishing goes hand in hand with technology. The Internet has profusely connected the world in the past decade and opened the floodgates to a plethora of online content and knowledge. Consequently, it has paved the way for a ‘decline’ in the demand of printed forms of media. Irene Sagrado, a nursing student, says “Ganahan ko ug eBooks kay daghan kaayo ko ma-store sa akong tablet, and dili pud siya bug-at. Sa Nursing na grabe ka baga among mga libro, nice siya na tablet nalang imong dal-on to class.” When it comes to reading news, Paul Budiongan, a senior in BS Chemistry, claims that “Mas dali magbasa ug news sa akong phone, kay sa magbasa from a newspaper. Lately pud, sa Internet nalang jud mi gabasa ug news. Dili na gapa-deliver akong papa ug Inquirer.”

they worry about theft which is as easy as clicking Select All on the drop-down menu. Unknowingly, these widespread practices take a huge chunk of profit from most publishers. In an independent study done by Redwood City-based digital content protector Attributor in 2010, it was claimed that $2.8 billion dollars (in the USA) were lost in sales because of the piracy of eBooks. In Spain, a 2012 annual report from the Spanish Federation of Publishers’ Associations and ISBN Agency accounts for €350 million in lost revenue for the same reason. From an academic perspective Dr. Lina Kwong, Xavier University’s Vice President for Academic Affairs, has her own opinions for the issue in question. “Today, eBooks are actually used in big universities. In my class, I ask students to source out eBooks.” She does, however, stress out the need for legal purchases. “What they actually do is, one purchases it and everybody else copies it.” The reasons, which have led her to encourage the use of eBooks are as follows: (1) it cuts down cost on paper; (2) it helps the environment because there will be fewer trees to cut; and (3) it reduces space for storage in houses and offices. When asked for any setback this may cause on the Book Center, she answers that the books they sell are on a consignment basis, and that it would not affect the University’s finances in any way. Additionally, she says: “You might be surprised why the publishers also encourage eBooks. There is a reason behind that: it’s business.”

Design by Rochelle D. Barros

The bottom line Embracing technology and change do have these subtle effects which we may never realize as passive consumers. As it seems, an educated and ethical consumer is still the solution to all these digital publishing conundrums. We must learn to think that for every stolen eBook we have read, we’ve wronged a writer and undermined his position to write in the same way that we hamper the growth of some recording Copyright issues artists by not buying their music. While people continually enjoy the convenience of using Experts believe that traditional books and printed media eBooks and Internet sites, legal issues actually surround the will still be around for a long time. Some of the changes distribution of digital forms of media. that may occur in reading and writing are presumed to be “Lately, it seems that every other article about eBooks evolutionary, and not revolutionary in nature. C Sources: is news about a new lawsuit. EBooks have a series of legal “A Turn of the Page for Newsweek”, The Daily Beast (http://www.thedailybeast.com) ramifications inherent to the format, problems that did not “Book piracy: Less DRM, more data”, O’ Reilly Tools of Change for Publishing (”http://toc.oreilly.com/) exist (or did but to a far lesser degree) in other book formats.” “If Ebook Piracy Is on the Rise, What Are You Going to Do About it?”, Lindsay Burocker. http://www.lindsayburoker.com) “From print to pixels: Reinventing magazines”, Deeson Group (http://deeson-online.co.uk) says Peggy Hageman, a book editor at EContent, a pioneering “Piracy Taking Big Bite out of Books in Spain?”,Digital Book World (http://www.digitalbookworld.com) site for digital media. ““E-book piracy costs U.S. publishers $3 billion, says study”, VentureBeat (http://venturebeat.com) Before electronic printing came into existence, the only bane Balas, J. I. (2010). Has the Ebook’s Time Finally Come?. Computers In Libraries, 30(2), 40. to most publishers was the photocopying machine. Nowadays HAGEMAN, P. (2012). Ebooks and the Long Arm of the Law. Econtent, 29.

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et’s put it in this way: it’s 11PM, and you have lots to study for the final exams. Each topic is situated in different chapters in different books. Worse, you’ve left some of your books in the locker. Great. Suddenly, while you’re busy procrastinating and ranting over Facebook, your Internet-savvy classmate just posted in your class’ group some PDF files and a blog post that contains pretty much the whole subject matter. That group also contains digital handouts of your classmates’ reports that, for some reason, your attention span just could not pay heed to. Thank heavens! With the increasing use of laptops, tablet PC’s and even smartphones in academic activities, it is no surprise that students are doing all things necessary to catch up with school work, especially through going digital. Here’s why:

If you’re really resourceful, you can store the eBook versions of your textbooks, provided that you already have a tablet. It saves you time, the physical effort of going to a bookstore, and money for you to buy their paperback versions, provided that no one hunts you down after getting them for free from a torrent website. Working last-minute, like a boss Forgot to make a report for Economics? No problem. Having a laptop can save you from most of the fuss of creating a last-minute presentation. Or you can take advantage of XU’s campus-wide Wi-Fi, provided that you are lucky enough to get some of that bandwidth, and do some 11th hour research. More importantly, it can also serve as an indirect reminder for you to do important things earlier the next time around. Studying on the go There’s no worse feeling in college, save for a breakup and/or an F in a major subject, than to be torn between academic, extra-curricular, and social activities. Sometimes in our college life, we find ourselves in a dilemma of attending an event scheduled a day before the big test. Naturally, academics prevail. But what if it’s your Grandpa’s birthday and that you really can’t afford to miss that because you love Gramps so much? You really can’t take your mind off the inevitable quiz tomorrow, so you might as well take your work with you. Better load up your

tablet with files of your classmates’ reports and lessons, as well as a nice playlist for the road trip. This is the great thing about today’s generation: to be able to juggle school, Gramps’ birthday, Twitter, and re-watching your favorite movie over and over through a 1.5-pound device. The lowdown This isn’t saying that you should go immediately to the nearest Apple Store and buy your own iPad. Most of all, a new book costs you much less than a new gadget. There really is no better substitute for a tablet PC in academics than a 1000-page textbook – that gets a lot of face time the night before the big test – as they really can save you in case of a spontaneous citywide blackout, big time (or when you are tasked to report on a topic you barely have an idea on). Also, these books are written by experts in their fields of specialization, so their ideas are no slouch either. But in these times when access to pretty much everything is through a nice, clean swipe and/or tap on a touch screen, you should be as resourceful and creative as you can be in order to keep those scores – and, consequently, grades – high enough for you to ascend to the next level. Also, as XU becomes more and more of a tech-savvy institution of learning (hello, SLMIS), it may be just right to keep up with these developments as you try to get the best value for your education.C

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Design by Ben Clark B. Balase

It saves you… a lot of resources An average tablet PC weighs between 1-2 pounds while a smartphone is even lighter. Both are lighter than your average 1000-page textbook. But there’s no argument that these gadgets store up much more information than the textbook while occupying less physical space. That gigabytes’ worth of free storage shall come in handy, especially if you are trying to cram in countless pages of PDF files, PowerPoint presentations for class reports, and a video project. (Not to mention a Hollywood movie, 100+ mp3 files of your favorite songs, and maybe a video game or two.)

By John Kenneth E. Ching

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Design by Haiko B. Magtrayo

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Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Design by Haiko B. Magtrayo

Into the future

Teacher’s pet Cora Contrabida

calps. All I see are scalps. My friends’ faces? Scalps. Everything. Scalps! They are a whole generation of youth keeping their heads down, religiously browsing the Internet, reading an eBook, or playing Temple Run. Every time I walk through a crowded hallway, I get the impression that I’m some sort of a queen getting a royal greeting. (But quite frankly, it doesn’t bother me at all. All hail Cora— queen of Munchkinland!) Juan? It’s you! I totally forgot what your face looked like. I’ve gotten so used to talking to the top of your head—while you mindlessly search cute pictures of cats on your Galaxy Tab. Oh, hey Pedro! What’s up? I didn’t recognize you without your iPhone attached to your right ear. Maria, how’s it going? Updating your friends through social networking sites on your WiFi-capable smartphone again? I associate your face with the back of your colourful iPhone protector now. Guess it’s Pikachu this week, huh? On the plus side, everything is easier because of technology. I get goose bumps every time I come to realize how amazing technology is. We can easily talk to people from across the globe as if they’re right in front of us. With just a click of a mouse, we relive history or we live stories in 3D. We do things we could have never done if we were born in the 50’s. Technology will get humankind places. I can’t imagine life in a few decades with the speed progress the technological age is moving us. But don’t you think we’ve all become too dependent on the machines? I, for one, am in front of my laptop all day. And, I regret to admit I haven’t seen daylight since.

With the rise of the machines, you’d think we’d all evolve into proper robots, complete with perfect posture. Instead, it seems like the generation is becoming lazy and heavily slouched. I reckon the human race’s posture will resemble an inward “C” in a few years. Not to mention, it’s bad for both our health and the environment. Whatever happened to the good ol’ fashioned ways? Books? Does this invention even ring a bell to you? Playtime for kids is now Angry Birds on daddy’s iPad. My whole childhood was built on outdoor games with other kids in my neighbourhood who I don’t remember anymore. I do remember all my scabs from tripping when I ran too fast—symbols of my glory days back then. There’s reason for me to be frightened at the sight of kids holding gadgets during playtime. We’re raising a future generation of evil robots, who are plotting the end of the world during “playtime”. This is worse than a zombie apocalypse. Even though there are disadvantages, of course, life is so much easier in the technological age, too. There are so many advancements in the fields of economics, medicine, communications and, well, basically everything. But what I wish to be invented in the future is a time machine, definitely. I’m going back to the times when I could sniff morning air without the health risks, when patintero with my childhood playmates was the highlight of my day, when I had the privilege to walk to the library and manually look for a book. And when I could actually see my friends’ faces while I talk to them—that would be nice too. (Would you look at that. I’ve become a formal robot. The Newsroom, I’m telling you.)C

Editor’s note

Layout and Illustration by Rico M. Magallona

his is the first ever issue of TheCruchever. In the 78 years of existence of our sister (or mother, if you want to look at it that way) publication, TheCrusader, the chance to produce a lampoon magazine has never come up until now. Even in my application to this marvelous, epic-awesome student publication (and you know it), we have always been all serious and tied up to non-satirical write-ups. Sure, they’d give me space for a half-spread article or two... but that was about it. And for these reasons, you might ask yourself the next obvious question: What in the world is a lampoon? I don’t blame you. I mean, some people wouldn’t recognize brilliance even if it was staring at them right in the face. The dictionary definition of lampoon is “Any satire ridiculing or mocking a person, activity, or institution by representing its character or behavior in an exaggerated or grotesque form; the representation may be written, filmed, or performed as a live skit, and may be intended as a severe reproach, or as good-natured humor.” And that my friends, is the very essence of my existence. You can’t imagine how excited I am for this first lampoon issue we’re doing. Now if you came here to learn about social issues in this school, in this city, or in society in general and how your awareness can jumpstart positive change, may your knowledge be filled with critical ideas on the

current trends and may you formulate your own stand on the subject. If you came here to be entertained, may you laugh to your heart’s desire with cynical phrases and agreeable sarcasm from these write-ups. If you came here to be insulted, may your soul burn with the sting of the truth and our freedom of speech. So sit back, relax and join us in the pleasant mockery here at The Cruchever (which we have tried to make relatable to you, the reader). Satirically yours,

Cora Contrabida

Cora Contrabida Editor in Chief, TheCruchever

P.S. How formal was that, huh? I bet you didn’t expect I would be capable of being entirely legit, now did you? That’s what you become when you sit in your living room all day cradling your cat while watching all ten episodes of The Newsroom on repeat because you were dateless on Valentine’s Day. Totally worth it.

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

By Cosplay Queen

rushing to school only to be one second late. And did I mention your activity hour will run only from 6:00 to 7:00 PM on Wednesdays? You don’t even bother attending programs and other extracurricular activities so surely, that won’t be a bother. And since we decided that our learning should be the priority, you have no choice but to give the Commerce and CIT buildings up. Oh, and a few AVRs, laboratories, and probably the covered courts and gym, too! Physical Education haters, this is the perfect time to grovel. You might convince us enough to make us show some mercy and decide to remove that class. Of course we’d hate to see you happy so that’ll probably never happen. It’s nice to see you beg though. You also won’t have to worry about us making noise in the corridors. We understand what the “Silence. This is a school.” sign means. We are your good and ever so obedient little devils—I mean, angels— after all. We are energetic high-schoolers and we need nutrients to grow. So don’t whine when you arrive at the Magis Canteen with no vacant seats left. Aren’t you taught about Cura Personalis? Now, go out of school to eat. Be real darlings and allow our tummies to be filled first. You’re big boys and girls now anyway. Not only will that make you

earn stars from us, but that will also save you from staring at the CLAY-GO, proper waste disposal, and Green Campus posters which you still choose to ignore. And with us crammed in the very big campus, there will be more chances for you to fulfill your romantic desires. There’s nothing better than a college student pursuing innocent secondary students like us; besides, age doesn’t matter, right? We know that we are cute and irresistible so it won’t really surprise us when we have your attention. But don’t attempt to break our hearts. Trust me, even that won’t make us leave. Save your energy for people your age, honey. *** Please don’t hate us for taking over your territory. Not that we care, though. You might want to behave and try your best to please us though. But if you’re fine with accommodating at least eight sections with more than 40 students in class per year level, then go and try to annoy us. Who knows, your actions might earn you a reward: us deciding to move the entire grade school department in the college campus. That will be like having a fiesta every day! That sure would be fun, right? Hoping for your festive welcoming, Mary Hade A. Lil’lamb President, XUHSS-CSSG

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earest Ates and Kuyas, This letter is to inform you that we, the High Schoolers, are on our way to an all-out invasion of your beloved Corrales college campus. We have decided that we no longer want our remote Pueblo campus with the cracked buildings that might bury us alive when earthquakes shatter the ground. We think that we are better off with your accessible campus that doesn’t require us light years of travel. It’s not like you value your campus anyway. You vandalize and litter all over the place. But we aren’t selfish enough to not share a little space with you though. You could rely on your ROTC trainees for defense, but don’t even bother. We are going to succeed and we’re here to make sure that your college lives are going to be better than ever. Look forward to a very eventful year! Here’s some good news for the late risers: Your classes are going to start from 4:00 PM to 9:00 PM. Isn’t that exciting? Everyone loves to pull all-nighters on non-stop lectures, and with us taking the 7:30 AM to 4:00 PM time slots, you won’t have to worry about forcing yourself to dash to your classrooms a la Temple Run. That also means you won’t be marked absent after

very Xavier University student has his or her academic troubles. For some, it’s dealing with a terrible teacher every single day. For many, it involves grades and maintaining them. For an even greater number, it’s actually getting to class in the first place. Gravity has been the primary culprit for keeping us in bed, spilling coffee and milk, and other things that ultimately lead to the typical student’s tardiness and absence. Even after these initial obstacles are passed, one is still faced with hurdles to get to one’s destination— actually getting to their classrooms, which are, unfortunately, never on the first floor.

Design by Janrick Carl T. Romales

Xavier University has long employed a method for vertical transportation with the use of elevators—a rectangular haven for awkward silence whilst changing one’s altitude. Interestingly, this contraption also serves as the perfect avenue for aspiring penis artists, cartoonists, and drug dealers, and is a testament to the fact that many great artists and drug lords are of XU pedigree. Months ago, a decision was raised to ban the use of markers or felt tip pens, which surprised the elevator-drawing elites. John de la Cross, an XU alumni and former artist, finds the decision infuriating. “The school doesn’t understand how important penis drawing is for us. It is an outlet for our 10-second burst of creativity, and helps us maintain the men that we are”, he says.

When it doesn’t serve as a canvas for the chosen talented, the elevator does its job extremely well. It tends to an average of eight people at a time, prioritizing the physically-able, aggressive students as they are seen as superior human beings who must be given the most comfortable experience the school has to offer. The unlucky many, including aged teachers, the handicapped and load-bearing students and faculty must resort to other elevation-escalation systems. The ramp, one alternative, is a technologically inferior device for minimizing the tiring effects of gravity. While the elevator provides near-zero effort against gravity and a hub for artists seeking to express themselves in privacy, the ramp offers the exact opposite.

Aside from reducing healthy physical effort by only a measly 40%, the ramp is prone to human traffic jams caused by spontaneous social gatherings and loud noises coming from both students and angry teachers alike. Due to this, another alternative called “stairs” is considered. Like many things in life, stairs aren’t perfect. They provide less physical strain reduction than elevators and ramps. Also, despite looking a lot like a transporting device, there is a common misconception that stairs are actually seats with really tiny backrests, and those seeking it as an alternative to ramps often get stuck.

To counter all stress after traversing a floor or two, XU has strategically placed drinking fountains around the campus. However, the said strategic placing is questionable as all the drinking fountains are found on the ground floor. It is very obvious that the best locations for the drinking fountains are at all the upper floors—at points where one gets exhausted. Last summer, one extremely thirsty student who wishes to remain anonymous was found French kissing the drinking fountain faucet. “At first I was just trying to drink. But as I was getting closer trying to get a decent amount of water with my pedal to the metal, I just fell in love. I have no idea how it all happened,” she says.

Lifecycle Management and Information System, has recently been brought live to eliminate the need for one to go to the registrar and receive their grades from tellers who seem to not have the words ‘smile’ and ‘actual human interaction’ in their vocabularies. Another more direct response to the problem at hand is e-Learn. Paired with this new awesome SLMIS technology, students no longer need to go to class. They may just stay at random places in the campus, with Magis canteen being a popular choice, and “study” with their Wi-Fi connected devices. Despite being of great help, the school’s real intention with these is to provide a transition stage for students, from an internet-heavy, to an internet-only, and to a robot-only campus. These speculations have been confirmed by Chris Akino, the director at XU’s CISO. “By equipping students with robots they can control from their homes, we are training them to become better gamers while giving them an effortless and safe schooling. While they study academics, they also learn the necessary skills required to defeat South Koreans in Call of Duty.” *** For the past 80 years in the University, there has been no real solution to the problems with gravity as all have been workarounds. Teleportation is in the works, but is too far off in the future to be considered now. What the students can do, however, is to make the most out of what are at hand, but this has proved quite difficult, if not impossible. C

After realizing that using the human body to climb altitudes is inefficient and destructive to the quality of life, school administrators decided to implement a campus-wide Wi-Fi coverage to combat the need for petty walking. One activity that would require physical movement is getting one’s grades. SLMIS, or the Student

By Gislo Petrovins

*All characters and stories appearing herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or life events is purely coincidental. 18

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

How Not to Survive Senior Year By Lady Wordsmith

1. Slack off.

When you’re twenty-something, your social life is at its crucial stage. Make it or break it. Win or lose. Be there or be square. Get it? Night life, food trips, and the Internet – these things are essential. We are social beings, people. Who cares when you’ve got duty hours tomorrow or a first draft to pass? The word “later” exists for a reason. All-day studying is for them “kids” who have yet to realize the importance of socializing. Go out, eat, drink and be merry. The least you can get is an extension, rants from your general manager or an F. What have you got to lose?

eetings, papers, defenses, overnights and deadlines – this is the story of the life of a senior student. Call it “hanging by a loose thread” or “so close yet so far”; point is, you make one fatal mistake and graduation might slip out of your hands just like that. So if you’re a senior student or about to be one, allow me to teach you the tricks of the trade on how not to survive senior year. If you’re over it, feel free to reminisce— and don’t forget to take a bow.

2. Proclaim your love for “art”. Piercings, tattoos, nail art and crazy colored hair would not look good in your 40’s. Imagine your dad coming home late with big, bright, sparkling, silver piercing on his nose. Not a beautiful sight? I thought so. Now is the best time to do all these. Pierce your ears, nose or tongue, have your whole body tattooed if you must and color your hair with all sorts of colors except black. If somebody asks, tell him it is art—a form of self-expression. It is not a mortal sin you’re going to hell for. I’m sure your teachers and clinical instructors are okay with that. For Pete’s sake, they were young once too. It’s not like they’re going to get you in trouble or anything.

3. Ditch the planner.

4. Avoid coffee.

5. Be a beautiful mess. By now, you are a busy bee. You have so much to do that keeping things in order is the last thing on your mind. It doesn’t really matter anyway – you can always pay an overpriced amount for all those recollection slips you lost or do the signing of clearance all over again. Effort is a measly investment. Focus on the more important things and don’t let the small stuff sweat you out. You know what they say, we may be messy but we know exactly where our stuff is in that pile of mess. C

*** I say you tear off this page and frame it because it will come in handy. My friends, senior year is not a bed of roses. But hey, neither is any year prior to it. It’s just a matter of balance between work and play. You know the drill – study hard and party harder. C

All those papers you have yet to pass, figures to meet, extensions to makeup for and thesis papers to defend.. Does it really have to come with overpriced coffee? Coffee is just a cliché, you guys. You don’t need to stay awake all night and I’m sure it doesn’t boost your IQ or make your tasks easier. Again, just to make my message clear, coffee is not a necessity at this point in your life.

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Sure, senior year is a never-ending battle of the feasibility study, duty hours or thesis versus other school requirements. But no, we’re not complaining at all. Who needs that overpriced planner when you’ve got brains the size of an elephant? There is no need for you to multi-task. Take your time, take baby steps and do it slowly but surely. It’s really not that hard to manage, is it? Maybe you’re just overreacting.

By Julio Artem

anuary 8-16—Pulse Asia’s survey charted three top senatorial bets among 33 candidates. These were Loren Legarda, Chiz Escudero and Alan Peter Cayetano. January 18-30—Still on the race for people’s votes were Legarda, Escudero and Cayetano but surprisingly, one non-candidate has appeared on Pulse Asia’s survey, celebrity and sister of the President, Kris Aquino, heading straight to number one on the charts. FILIPINOS PREFER KRIS AQUINO TO RUN FOR SENATE Quezon City—Countless media swarmed the headquarters of the Philippines’ public opinion polling body Pulse Asia, Inc. when it released an uncanny data online putting P-Noy’s notorious celebrity sibling, Kris Aquino, as number one senatoriable bet on survey. “Preposterous!” slammed Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago, “This is very unheard of! How does Pulse Asia even do their surveys? Who are their respondents? This is fraud!” Santiago has issued an appeal to investigate the survey methods of Pulse Asia. This has led the nation to question all polling bodies regarding their methods of surveying, probing the public to ask ‘how come I was never asked?’ 20

Pulse Asia Chairperson Prof. Felipe B. Miranda has issued a statement through a post in Facebook which acquired 453 likes, “The recent poll has been an object of utter astonishment on the entire staff of Pulse [Asia]. I can completely assure you that this matter has been verified multiple times by our team of established analysts. I did some authentication myself and the survey does not lie. Kris Aquino topping the senatoriable race is valid.” Various groups have camped outside Kris’ Makati residence carrying tarpaulins bearing her beaming image vandalized in flak, such as “Leave the Nation Alone,” “The Philippines Is Not Your Demographic Audience,” and “Pagsabihan Mo Kapatid Mo” addressing P-Noy to name a few. However a crowd of yellow shirts and yellow ribbon-carrying supporters dominated the assembly resulting in numerous reported cases of noise complaints and traffic. “Hindi naman tama yan,” says Jovito Ballaran, student and political activist, “Nasaan na ang mga utak ng ating mga kababayan? Dapat nating iboto ang tunay na marunong, tapat at hindi nangungurakot na kandidato. Hindi porke’t artista at kapatid ng presidente dapat nang mamuno!” Ballaran continued his rant over his disdain for Kris’ choice of romantic partners and her recent film Sisterakas.

On the other side of the camp, spokesperson for KrisAFanatics, Maybelline Villalobos, had nothing but favorable statements for the host, “Everybody loves Kris Aquino, always have always will. She’s the modern Filipina equivalent of Princess Diana, she’s been through a lot but she still keeps fighting. And people who continually criticize Sisterakas don’t know quality films! I heard it was being considered for Best Picture sa Oscars!” Aquino revealed during her show, her filing a secret candidacy last year stating how she will probably run for a senatorial position depending on the approval of her sons. *** February 14-25—Kris Aquino has stepped down from her reign to the 10th spot as Legarda, Escudero and Cayetano battle constantly for the third, fourth and fifth spot respectively. Climbing to number two is Jamby Madrigal who has been consistent in her 18th slot while taking number 1 as people’s choice for senatoriable is Tito Sotto.

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

myo

FICKLE FILIPINOS GIVE SOTTO, MADRIGAL BOOST IN RATINGS Quezon City—Pulse Asia faced another controversy when they released a recent online poll concerning Filipino’s senatorial bets with Kris Aquino on the decline, down ten places from her former place as number one senatoriable. Aquino is now replaced by Tito Sotto on the helm followed by Jamby Madrigal whose recent iPad giveaway on Twitter boosted her ratings. Madrigal was almost subjected for disqualification of candidacy when she tweeted “@TheRealJamby : Speak your mind out about corruption and win an iPad”. An immediate response of about 300,000 hits participated in the promo. “I’m so lucky,” claims iPad giveaway winner Natasha Ulalo, XU student, “When I read the tweet I instantly shared my views about corruption in this country with just 140 characters. It’s amazing how a lot of people can express the injustices of our nation in 140 characters. I mean, that’s a lot!” COMELEC Chairman Sixto Brilliantes Jr. was none too pleased about the said contest. According to Brilliantes, Madrigal may face disqualification for illegal campaigning.

*** Philippine politics is similar to the Harlem Shake— disorganized, confusing, boisterous and sometimes useless. This country begs to be saved. Let us remind you of the impeachment of Renato Corona last year, the tiresome delay of the Freedom of Information Bill, Juan Ponce Enrile’s generous allocation of allegedly PHP30 million funds to 22 senators and plenty other controversies. Politicians who keep misbehaving despite a trillion-peso debt, a million hungry stomachs and countless citizens losing hope for our country’s future. We, as voters, as citizens of the Republic of the Philippines, as Filipinos, are responsible for this country. Part of that responsibility is choosing our leaders and we have to do so very wisely. Let us learn from past mistakes so we can move forward to the future not only for ourselves but for the future generations as well. Let us not be fooled by gimmicks and sweet talk; let’s think of a country that’s divided only by islands but united to be an archipelago. Unless, of course, if they’re giving away free iPads.C

*All stories appearing herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to life events is purely coincidental. C

www.thecrusaderpublication.com

Design by Francis Ryan O. Avellana

He stated The Omnibus Election Code, under Section 97, says it is unlawful “for any person to hold dances, lotteries, cockfights, games, boxing bouts, bingo, beauty contests, entertainments, or cinematographic, theatrical or other performances... for the support of any candidate from the commencement of the election period up to and including Election Day.” Madrigal refused to give a statement but did congratulate fellow candidate Tito Sotto on her Twitter account. Sotto, fresh from his plagiarism scandal, believes that people trusted him back after that issue not when he stood up against Kerry Kennedy for calling him out on his act but when he stated on one of his speeches how Jacqueline Kennedy inspires him to dress up every morning. “Mr. Sotto is disappointed over the Kennedy plagiarism case because he was always a big fan of Jackie’s crisp houndstooth suits and Givenchyinspired ball gowns,” says a spokesperson from Sotto’s camp, “If Jackie was allowed to copy Parisian designers through her American stylists then he feels he has every right to be inspired by their perorations.” This is evident in Sotto’s recent speech during the EDSA anniversary when he wore a pillbox hat similar to Jackie Kennedy’s. A picture of Sotto in the hat has received positive comments from the public including P-Noy complimenting him on an interview. “Let’s just all hope for the best,” states a Sotto representative when reached for a comment through text message, “This country needs good leaders and the people are responsible for that. Let’s vote wisely. Joseph Estrada as Mayor, Sotto on the Senate and pillbox hats as a trend once again. Now isn’t that a trifecta.”

ermaid

ittle M y The L

ummer: the time of year when most of us can enjoy a couple of months screwing around with our body clock without the worries of deadlines, quizzes, and uniforms. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that part of the year when we can be whoever we want to be, do crazy stuff with our hair, and do whatever we want as long as our parents permit (just as long as they know, anyway). Do you really want to know how to make this summer the best ever? Well my friend, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve come to the right person! Trust me.

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Skin isn’t in

Sun block— literally

Time to relax, enjoy the sun, and get tanned! Oh, wait. Not the last part. For most of us Filipinos, the sun is not our friend. While white people from the West are so busy tanning themselves, we are willing to swallow oceans of glutathione and hex the ball of light responsible for our complexion inspired by the last Batman franchise. This summer, lock yourself in a room where you can do summer alternatives. There’s no better way to temporarily forget about school than staying indoors watching TV all day long, complete with popcorn and soda. Me? I’ll go to the beach, lie down on my towel, smear myself with tanning lotion, and spend hours under the sun. What a boring summer for me! I envy you! But if you love the sun, then please, proceed to tip number two.

Girls in Boracay are so comfortable in their own skin, right? I mean, who would spend thousandsworth of bikinis if you’re not going to show them off ? I’d rather wear a T-shirt and shorts. Swimming is really uncomfortable when you’re wearing a bikini! It’s so heavy! You might agree by saying “I’d prefer those waterabsorbent garments because they are much lighter.” Hooray! Everybody knows wet cotton clothes have become lighter than wet, silk bikinis. Notice how wearing bikinis leaves our arms, thighs, legs, and abs (or belly fat) uniformly tanned? Gosh, I hate that so much! I’d rather go for the uneven tan I get from my beloved shirt and shorts. Isn’t it nice when you get (accidentally) tanned and you’ve been wearing a short-sleeved shirt? The marks on your arms would be very aesthetic! You may tell me: “I want to wear a bikini, but if I do, everybody will look at me!” Coincidently, I just happen to have Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak to save you from your worries. Hey, wear a tracksuit to exercise, uniform to go to class, and pajamas to go to sleep. But wearing bikinis to the beach or to the pool? Don’t be stupid.

Books over beaches

Embrace the heat

Design by Francis Ryan O. Avellana

You’re someone who loves spending several hours in the water, savoring the scorching heat. As you get busy splashing the water and perhaps piggyback riding on your special someone, the sun is also busy burning your skin until you look like a walking map of the Philippines. Hooray for uneven skin tone and gritty epidermis! Wait, lotions with SPF? You don’t need those. I’m serious! Hop into the gorgeous waters and emerge with your new patchy complexion. You can even get your very own built-in bubble wrap on your skin.

You’ve got summer classes? Lucky you! There are others who aren’t as lucky and have to go spend their April and May on the beach or out of town. But you get to spend the summer waking up early and digesting mathematical equations and other relevant lessons. Unfortunately, I’m not going to take a break. Even after ten months of rigorous brain activity, I wouldn’t grab the two months for relaxation! While you’re in your classrooms, I’ll be at the club. You’ll be busy answering quizzes while I will be dancing my heart out. It’s such a bummer. Don’t make the same mistake as I would this summer. Who needs rest when you can be the next Einstein? Study, study, study! We have all the time in the world to do other fun stuff normal kids our age would do. Youth lasts a lifetime, obviously. Hurry! Cancel the round-trip ticket you booked to Singapore and enroll in summer classes instead. You won’t regret it.

*** And there you have it! If you follow these carefully, you definitely won’t forget this summer. You can try following the list one at a time, or if you want to, you can start doing it all by next week! What? Are you having second thoughts? Hmm. You shouldn’t feel that way, darling. My summer program is foolproof! Trust me! Have I ever let you down?C

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o I heard you want to run in the Alpha Dog election. You’ve come to the right mutt. Now, don’t give me that look like you’re reconsidering asking for my help. I’m old and my fur (or what’s left of it) is already gray and frizzy, but I’m still sharp and frisky like a newlytrained K9 dog. My achievements can vouch for my expertise. I managed to win the title three consecutive times, started a thriving doggietical dynasty, and even made Bulldogs appear adorable and huggable. Now, just follow these tips (make sure nobody else knows), and surely, you’re going to snatch that trophy without your tongue hanging out of your mouth.

1. Pay for a Chihuahua. Hiring Chihuahuas never fails. Everybody just loves Chihuahuas. You know that film Beverly Hills Chihuahuas? That one earned millions. Millions, dude! They are the epitome of cuteness with their sexy, petite bods and smooth fur. And those big, hypnotic eyes, nobody can resist them. Use their charm to your advantage. Put them on a show to entertain the crowd. You don’t actually have to hire the expensive and talented ones. Hire those who only have tensecond appearances in a one-hour TV show. Ask them to sing and dance even if they can’t. As long as they’re Chihuahuas, they’ll do. Make them wear clothes that are skimpy enough to hold the salivating dogulation’s attention. Let them repeat your name like a mantra: “Dougie! Dougie! Dougie!” Definitely, your name will echo in the audience’s heads at the

end of the show like a bad case of LSS. Or if you want even more media hype, find one whom you can make as your bitch. Go out on public places and make dogarazzis snap pictures of the two of you. Ask a boutique (ahem!) or even an entire mall to temporarily close down when you decide to shop just so you can create a scene and make the other dogs talk about you.

2. Secretly offer free dog chow. Who can resist free Pedigree? I can’t. Rummaging through trash cans can be exhausting, and with the dwindling economy, everyone would kill just to have a taste of a free sumptuous meal. You have to hire minions to do the generous (or dirty) work for you though. Giving free chow is totally against the rules— not that your competitors won’t also do the same anyway. I forgot to tell you, you have to hire spies like those from the movie Cats and Dogs. Your opponent will try to outwit you. You might want to make sure that what you’ll give will surpass theirs.

3. Spread your scent. Urinate or poop everywhere as much as you can. You want the entire dogulation to know you exist. Leave your mark on trees, on streets, on houses, on commercial buildings, on the tires of

cars, including the prohibited areas. To further enhance your publicity, ask your supporters to endorse you. Let them shadow you when you go pound-to-pound during your campaign. It would even be better when they howl your second-rate jingle which, of course, is an edited version of a copyrighted material you did not bother to ask permission for. And while you’re at it, try to use PSY’s Gangnam Style. I heard he’ll sue Alpha Dog wannabes who’ll use his song without clearance. Imagine the free publicity the scandal will cause you, and of course, the millions you’ll lose. Blimey!

4. Bark heavenly platforms. Dogs will only vote for you if they think you can give what they want. Create platforms that will address their concerns. If food is their problem, promise them a weekly ration of free imported dog food—the word “imported” will surely amp your ranking from five to one. Promise them that you’ll safeguard their money. Show them that you live a simple life. Even though you are used to fine dining, have a picture of you taken eating pagpag just so they’ll think you are their champion. Promise to build dog houses for the homeless. And when you’ll finally win, make them come true by spending their money through frequent travels, buying expensive Doggy Vuittons and Marc Jadogs, and even build a mansion dog house complete with K-9’s to keep your constituents out. *** I smell victory brewing for you, chap. Don’t worry, I won’t ask for disbursement, at least, until you get hold of that coveted power. Now, grab a doggie biscuit. Cheers to your sophisticated and honorable win!C

How to

Become

Design by Rico M. Magallona

“the” Alpha Dog By Growlen Legarda 24

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

Instagrammy the Internet heroine Different social networking sites have reacted to Grammy’s incident. Gathering more positive feedback than negative, “Instagrammy”, as Grammy has been branded by netizens, has become an internet sensation; a hero. Her Facebook fan page has already garnered C

over 50, 000 likes and 48, 000 shares within two weeks. “Her work is transcendent. Almost life-changing, if you ask me,” commented Mark Zuckerberg himself on her survival. “She fought for something worth living for. And that is to share her inspirational experience in her passionate advocacy.” #InstagrammyTheSurvivor has become a worldwide trending topic overnight. Undeniably, out of the million tweets about breakfast and bodily pains nobody cares about, Instagrammy’s was a cause worth tweeting for. Meanwhile, bloggers all over the world have expressed their admiration for Instagrammy. In fact, memes dedicated to the steadfastness of the elderly lady became viral within the span of a day. The blogging community, who have made a life out of pouring their heart out to a venue not a lot of people visit, initiated a movement to be no longer ignored in social media. Move over, Bear Grylls. Instagrammy is now the Internet’s consummate survivor and badass. Also, one Tumblr user has made one whole blog as a tribute to Instagrammy and her devotion to social media. “Girls, whenever someone tells you off for spending more time on Tumblr than your friends, tell that person that we have an inspiration, and that we are willing to take up after Instagrammy and die for our blogs,” says the introductory post. Countless remixes and commemoration videos have been uploaded on Youtube in the honor of Instagrammy, all of which have become viral

on the video sharing website. Her personal favorite, “Call 911: AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!” has caught the attention of the Hollywood Foreign Press and attracted Oscar buzz. The YouTube community has joined in on the Instagrammy fever with numerous vlogs by both famous and unheard-of YouTube celebrities. Even YouTube sensations hoping to get a singing career halted their dreams to make way for Instagrammy’s. In the midst of Instagrammy’s catapult to fame, she has been criticized by the elderly community. “Why does she get to be famous? All she ever did was be educated with the trends in technology. Just because she’s one of a kind, doesn’t mean....” Elderly Adults Against Instagrammy (EAAI) spokesperson Gramp McGruber commented. “What was I talking about again?” Youth advocacy groups everywhere have also voiced out their opinions against the famed fire survivor. According to the collective view of socially involved youth, social media should be used for greater causes. “There are a lot of issues— serious issues—that need more immediate attention rather than some old social media enthusiast posting a picture on Instagram!” some random passionate youth said. “If only we would take advantage of social media for greater causes. Like countering social apathy and crime, for example.” When asked about her take on the negative feedback, all Instagrammy had to say was, “Woohoooo! 300 likes on Instagram!”C

*All characters and stories appearing herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or life events is purely coincidental.

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Design by Haiko B. Magtrayo

UNDAY, IN AN APARTMENT FAR, FAR AWAY—An elderly woman was found barely alive under a wet blanket by authorities after half of her apartment was burned down. Authorities are pointing at excessive playing of a certain Alicia Keys song to be the cause of the fire. She was found on her living room floor, the only section of her house that survived the blaze, iPhone in her hand. The phone’s battery conveniently was still at high levels when she was found, with the iPhone currently on Instagram. “Knowing Nanna, she would take a vintage photograph of the fire first before calling 911. This is a testimony of her strong love for social media,” says her 17 year-old grandson. “She would’ve died doing what she loves.” True enough, after authorities probed the contents of her phone, she had indeed taken a picture of the blaze. She hid herself under a wet blanket to save her iPhone and her life, but mostly her iPhone. Too strained by the incident, Nanna Grammy describes her horrific near-death experience in the light of her life-long advocacy, with a wink: “Oh, I already blogged about it, dearie. Go check it out at glamgram.tumblr.com!”

XU to install soundproof hallways By Hannibal Adolf Bin Vladimir X. Gaddhafi

o combat hallway noise prevalent during peak traffic hours, XU is set to create a “soundproof ” campus by 2016. The PHP 1 billion project, which is set for installation within the next two academic years, will reduce noise by an estimated 99%, thus making selected parts of XU virtually soundless. A typical XU hallway noise level is measured at a range of 60-80 decibels, which is equivalent from normal conversation loudness to that of a vacuum cleaner. Installation of 5-inch thick of cotton-wool padding will begin this summer at hallways in the Student Center and Agriculture buildings – locations that contain some of the high-traffic hallways in the University. Teachers are all praises for the new development. “I hope that this new technological development will save us from the burden of conducting classes near high-traffic hallways, especially that area on the second floor of the STC Building,” opines Economics professor Juan Magpayo, referring to the junction located just outside the office of the Central Student Government. He adds, “It’s so frustrating when you try to teach a topic and the students barely understand because other students are busy hooting outside the classroom. With this technology, I can divert my money in spending for antihypertensive medication to investing in a chewing-gum scraper.” Another teacher, Sally Dimasalang of the English Department, says that she will even “take less salary just to teach in more peaceful conditions.” She also notes that students have little reason not to listen to class discussions with reduction of most background noise. Even students are welcoming the change. “Really? I mean, wow! This means that I can scream my heart out without worrying some teacher calling me out,” says Joanna Madaldal. “I can even stage a concert at the Magis Roofdeck on a Monday afternoon.” Noise has been one of the underreported and least addressed problems in the University, with some teachers making it a personal crusade to discipline students found to be distracting.C

XU students receive Erotic Art recognition By Josephus Josef J. Josevich

MSTERDAM–Obscenity International, Inc. (acronym censored), a known international erotic arts organization, includes two Xavier University students among its 2012 Champions for Sensual Expression. Both students, who requested to be anonymous, received the award for a series of “avant-garde depictions of the human phallus on the classroom armchairs and in the University’s elevators.” The said students are the only Filipino awardees – and the first Filipinos from an educational institution – in the 2012 list commending, according to its website, “public artworks that evoke the best sensual and sexual moods”. According to the list, they are responsible for “defying the public norms of decency in a Catholic institution through a series of enlarged and explicit depictions of the human phallus.” Both are also among the youngest to be named in the annual awards. “It’s an honor for us to have [an] international organization such as this one to recognize [our] work,” elates one of the recipients, whose artwork adorns the blue walls of the StC elevator. “We hope that our work [shall] arouse the students’ awareness of their sexuality, [especially] their physical sexuality.” Notable Filipino recipients of the 50-year-old tradition include Mideo Cruz, men’s magazines FHM Philippines and Playboy Philippines, and the Viva Hot Babes. Both students are currently under suspension from all classes as a result of the recognition, with expulsion from the University likely for both according to the rules stated in the student’s handbook.C

*All characters and stories appearing herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or life events is purely coincidental. 26

Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013

XU passes AF system for teachers By Marcelo Berto B. Abregana

he University President on Thursday announced through his Facebook page the passing of a policy which would give Failure due to Absences (AF) marks to teachers who would commit more than the seven allowable absences per semester. Inclusive to the rule, three late arrivals by teachers would also sum up as one absence. If a teacher gets the AF mark, the teacher is requested to repeat teaching the course with the same class in the next semester since “the students didn’t have the chance to learn much from them anyway.” Teachers who, most of the time, have more important things to do than teach will be able to relate to the sentiments of notorious absentee students as XU starts a first in the country’s academic scheme. The newly-passed policy gathered praises from members of the XU community. Dean Mary Mangay-ayam of the School of Busyness and Mismanagement (SBM) remarked, “Our teachers must be able to know that the meeting after a quiz is not a holiday.” She also stressed the importance for the teachers to meet their students to “actually conduct a classroom session.” Intensive research by students for their English 27 term paper shows that nine out of nine classes with absent teachers do not hold classes at all. Some teachers expressed their disfavor to the policy, posting in their social media accounts sentiments like “there is no rush in teaching the students since we have ample time to fit the whole finals coverage in the semester [without giving exam questions about a topic which wasn’t discussed inside the classrooms].” That same post generated 50 “likes”, mostly from fellow teachers. The administration is currently looking to the possibility of including the other letter grades to assess the teachers’ performance.C

Book Center to offer portals, scrolls to students By Trisha Tanya Tracy T. Tanaka

Layout by Franis Ryan O. Avellana and Haiko B. Magtrayo Illustations by Christiian Loui S. Gamolo

avier University – In response to the disruption of class schedules brought about by the addition of the high school population to our already congested main campus, the Book Center offers a new means of transport for students with back-to-back classes in distant buildings— portals and teleportation scrolls. Because of the abolishment of the 10-minute interval between classes, students will be facing a huge problem with their punctuality in coming to class in the next semester. As a solution, the University, with consultations from the Department of Science and Technology and Bureau of Internal Revenue, has proposed the installation of portals and the sale of teleportation scrolls which would transport students to their next destination, hence, eliminating the inevitable risk of student tardiness. According to Book Center manager Zuriel Gonzales, “Next year, there will be a portal situated in the ground floor of each of the seven buildings of the University”. The teleportation scrolls, on the other hand, will be available inside the book center for wholesale and retail. In-line with its efforts on promoting a greener campus, the scrolls will be wrapped in eco-friendly pages from recent tabloid issues of The Crusader Publication upon purchase. Students have been vocal in expressing how ecstatic they are to use the University’s new technology. Third year nursing student Jonna Langa-Yan opines, “Who needs 10 minutes when you can instantly go to your next classroom through a portal?” Believing that she is better off using the 10 minutes to wait for her rarely punctual teacher, she further quips, “I don’t see why the minutes in-between classes was even invented in the first place!” Access to the portal would be free of charge while the teleportation scrolls would be sold at an affordable price. Rumour has it though, that an independent techy store at J.R Borja will offer the same teleportation scrolls for cheaper.C

*All characters and stories appearing herein are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or life events is purely coincidental. C

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By Penny Lane

ou study, you learn, but you guard the original naiveté. It has to be within you, as desire for drink is within the drunkard or love is within the lover.” –Henri Matisse You might ask why I started with this quote. It just has the word “guard” in it. It doesn’t really make sense to use it here. Confused? That’s the feeling some of us students get with specific experiences with—yep, you guessed it—the security guards. On the occasion of having your ID confiscated when you’re hurriedly on your way to your class which you only have one more allowable absence to make, don’t fret. These guys absolutely know what they’re doing. Ah, the guards of this university. You just gotta love ‘em. Literally. I mean, maybe all they just really need is some lovin’.

Design by Princess E. Tolentino

Give them a break Anybody who said the guards are doing their job perfectly has never experienced any form of mistreatment from the seemingly misinformed crew; or is one of the guards. No matter how long you dispute with them, their argument will always be “we’re just doing our job.” And they are. That’s why it is completely okay for them to treat you like you killed someone when all you did was wear slippers; or not open your bag wide enough for them to see its contents. This, ladies and gentlemen, is rudeness justified. They most certainly do not have to be more polite. Although, even after all that justification, students are still dumbfounded, wondering if they really are doing justice to the rules. (Get it? “Do justice”? That was a pun. No? Okay.) Yet again, we’re just students. Who are we to tell them how to do their jobs, right? BS stands for “Best Service” There are two sides of the coin (or stick. Get it? No? Okay then!) Sometimes, their inconsistency can get students to cheer and be merry for having outsmarted the law—like say, being able to repeatedly get into campus not wearing the proper uniform; no questions asked. At all. Other times, it’s the sadder opposite—when 28

students are in the right (or so they know they are) but the guards suddenly enact rules only they have become aware of. How do I prove thee? Let me count the ways Remember that time you were blocked for having a field work shirt on? How about that other time for wearing shorts on a Sunday? Hey, did you ever get confused when they let you go to the old gate rather than the new gate for your violation; and the guards in the old gate don’t think you’ve committed any? Here’s a classic: Let you in with these pieces on this day, block you the next. Another: “Mubo ra kayo imung shorts, ‘day.” (Student with shorter shorts passes by inside campus.) “Siya lugar?” (Guard signals you to pull shorts down a little to make it instantly longer, and then finally lets you in. Seems legit.) How convenient. Don’t forget that one time they made you wear your PE shirt even if it’s full of sweat so you could go in; then allow you to take it off the moment you walk past them. Although, what you can forget in this scenario, is logic. Quit whining! Don’t get confused! I mean, screw the handbook, right? Students don’t read it, why should they? *** Let’s get one thing straight. The security guards’ authority isn’t what’s in question here. A little consistency and clarity would be great; and politeness, too, if it’s not too much to ask. To bluntly put it out there, here are a few suggestions: Forget awareness of the dress code policy—both on the sides of the guards and students! You heard me. Who needs ‘em? Some of its provisions… Ambiguous? Not at all! They are very well-defined that it is free from misinterpretation and confusion! Lastly, these guards are supposed to serve the students or at least care for our protection. And that’s what they’re doing. Acknowledged. But you know what, guards? At least don’t be rude in doing so. It would be great if we don’t have to start the day in a bad mood just by going through the security guards of this university.C Vol. 39 No. 6 March 2013