WE WERE HERE FIRST, CALIFORNIA
APRIL FOOLS’ 2K15
VOL. HE WAS, NO. 1 • SINCE U BEEN GONE
The visor talks
Spurrier’s visor gabs about laundry, love and life with Steve | Page 10
USC gets state funding for once, under a few conditions HAPPY 21ST @HANNAHJEFFREY34
A fter years of t uit ion hikes to br idge t he g ap lef t by dw i nd l i ng st ate funding, USC received $30.7 m illion f rom t he state government this week to fund several projects. But with so many strings attached, some universit y officials have dubbed t he de a l a “ big ol’ knot.” T h e s t a t e government granted the universit y funds on the condition that t he y wou ld b e p ut
toward a number of pointed initiatives, b u t t h e y d i d n’t exactly line up with those USC President Harris Pastides asked for earlier this year. USC-Columbia was seek ing f unding for campus renovations, including the South Caroliniana Librar y and the old law school, project s t hat did receive a combi ned $23. 2 m i l l io n i n capital bonds. But per the state’s instruction, t he f ac i l it ie s mu s t be converted into an indoor waterpark and SEEFUNDING?!PAGE2
Five Points bars to exclusively accept fake IDs Who Do You Know Here? @KATIECOLE19
T he b a r s of Fi ve Points have made the decision ever yone has been waiting for: restricting admission to only those with fake IDs. The decision seems as though it has been a long t ime coming, w it h t he nu mber of u nderage st udent s vast ly h igher t ha n t hose of age. Those under 21 can rejoice: that paper thin ID with a picture of a girl from Ohio on it is now your t icket into not on ly Pavlov’s Bar, but Bar None as well. Freshmen have been
seen all throughout campus celebrat ing this new ruling with screa m i ng, poppi ng c h a mp a g ne out s ide C olu mbia H a l l a nd actually running towards Five Point s a nd t heir new fou nd permanent hang out spots. S a le s t h r ou g hout Five Points went up by an alleged 98 percent since the new rule has been instated. Those who are 21 or older however, have been outraged by the concept, complaining that they had to wait years to get into most bars in Five Points and SEETURNUPPAGE3
Pastides loses ticket, holds up traffic outside Bull Street garage Octodad @THEGAMECOCK
ticket was, my heart stopped. I knew I was in trouble.” Past ides said t hat he attempted to reason wit h veteran parking attendant and former Philadelphia pol ice of f icer M ike Ehrmantraut, but that Ehrmant raut would hear none of it. According to Pastides, that’s when the car horns began. “I heard a blaring horn and I spun around to see a pink F-350 with a lift and
Tensions were high in the Bull St. parking garage Tuesday, where earlier in the morning USC President Harris Pa st ides c au sed a three-story traffic jam due to a m isplaced ticket. “It was terrifying,” Past ides said. “One second, I’m jamming o u t t o Va n e s s a Ca rlton, a nd I pu l l up to the gate. When I r e ac he d o nt o m y d a shb oa rd a nd felt no t h i n g w he r e m y SEECLASSICPREZPAGE3
Very legitimate photo by Kanye Weast / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Steve Spurrier will join the boy band and steal girls’ hearts around the world. You know, more than he already does.
Spurrier: L’Squirrelly @SURELYLAUREN
One Direction is going south … South Carolina, that is. T he il lust r ious boy ba nd announced at a press conference on Tuesday that Steve Spurrier (Head Ball Coach) will be filling the spot left empty by Zayn Malik. Malik’s departure on March 25 shocked fans, but the former pop star was anxious to start living life as a “normal 22-year-old.” Now, 69-year-old Spurrier joins the group, giving them a vintage
‘I’m the new Zayn’
flair that they hadn’t had before. T he i r me e t i n g w a s pu r el y coincidental — Spurrier and the boys were staying at the same hotel in Greensboro while the remaining members of the boy band took refuge after the departure of Malik. “Maybe it’s the way he walked — straight into our hearts and stole them,” Harr y St yles, the alleged front-man of the band, said. “Through the doors and past the guards just like he already owned it.” Admittedly, it was a little stalkerish and Spurrier was taken down
by 1D’s bodyguards as he stormed their room in a high-risk, highreward Gamecock-style blitz. After all the legalities were settled and Spurrier was released from handcuffs, they danced all night to the best song ever and unofficially offered Spurrier the quintessential spot left on their squad. It seemed like the natural thing to do as the boys have been closet South Carolina fans for years — more specifically Spurrier fans. “I have loved you since we were 18,” Liam Payne said, turning to SEESTEVE>ZAYNPAGE2
Great Gate-Gate Debate instigates SG debate debate Bubba Sparxxx @KLEINTHEGREYT
I n a n ef for t to el ic it more feedback from the general student population, several members of st udent government proposed a cont roversia l resolut ion on Monday’s senate hearing. Their goal is to shift the focus of meetings to topics on which those not involved in student government are not only willing to take a stance,
but even eager to do so. In explaining the resolution which he helped to construct, student body vice president Lee Goble called to attention the Great Greene St. Gate-Gate Debate that took place earlier this year. Reg a rd le s s of it s outcome, Goble asserted, the overall interest in student government’s decision on the matter was unprecedented and should be sought after in the
future. “I never would have guessed some discussion over a gate would instigate the conflation of the usual prate into a consolidated debate. Personally, I think it’s great.” Also sponsoring the resolution was Senator Jonathan Holt, who emphasized the importance of engaging in a dialogue on which all students have a strong opinion. SEEALLIG8RSPAGE3
USCPD extracts 2 women from bathroom after sit-off ~*~*~HBD 2 ME~*~*~ @HANNAHJEFFREY34
USCPD extracted two women from a restroom in Russell House Tuesday, after they sat in separate stalls for nearly two days without relieving themselves for fear the ot her would hear t heir bowel movement hit the water. The women have been identified as first-year journalism student Tina Bütschitz and third-year biology student Ivana Gopotti. Neither woman anticipated the other entering the restroom on the first floor of the university union but both said they really, really had to make a bowel movement, despite the fact they weren’t in the comfort of their own bathrooms. “I was going to ... you know ... go when I heard the door open and I
Mila Kunis / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
The two women finally emerged looking, after two long days, constipated. froze,” Bütschitz said. “I thought, ‘Maybe she’s just checking her hair. She’ll probably be gone soon.’” But Büt s c h it z w a s w r o n g. Gopotti was not there to check her hair. She was there to, in the words of international superstar Adele
Dazeem, “Let It Go.” “I woke up late and didn’t have time to go before my exam Monday, so I ran into Russell right after class. I thought the bathroom was empty,” Gopotti said. “I did that SEEPOOPINPAGE2
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Hump Day, April Bratwurst, TwoOhOneFive
About The Daily Gamecock
Touring high school student goes missing after clapping circle journey
Editor-in-Chief MY MOM WAS IN LABOR 21 YEARS AGO Managing Editors VELVEETA OLA-SAVORY LITTLE MERMAID Online Editor WHO DO YOU KNOW HERE? Design Director LINCOLN’S MOM Special Sections Director 2EMO2LIVE2PUNK2DIE Copy Desk Chiefs CHALUPA BATMAN NO THIS IS PATRICK Social Media Editor CHIP WHITLEY Photo Editors MILA KUNIS KANYE WEAST News Editor L’SQUIRRELLY Arts & Culture Editors GALIDASCOPE MARY JANE TOKER Opinion Editor A NICHE GUI Sports Editor PILLSBURY DOHERTY Assistant Photo Editor HOLLA HOLLA GET $ DOLLARS Assistant Design Director MS. NEW BOOTY Senior Designers MR. PEANUTBUTTER JILLIAN Assistant News Editors THAT GING KID OCTODAD Assistant Opinion Editor DJ COLDCUTS Assistant Sports Editors SHERLOCK HELMS KELLI CALDWELL Assistant Arts & Culture Editor MORGAN Assistant Copy Desk Chief TYRRANASAURUS Senior Copy Editor JUDY BERNLY Copy Editors DEBBISAURUS REX, KANYE???, YUNG KIRP, CAROLYN CULBERTSAURUS
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The Daily Gamecock is the editorially independent student newspaper of the University of South Carolina. It is published daily during the fall and spring semesters and nine times during the summer with the exception of university holidays and exam periods. Opinions expressed in The Daily Gamecock are those of editors or author and not those of the University of South Carolina. The Board of Student Publications and Communications is the publisher of The Daily Gamecock. The Department of Student Media is the newspaper’s parent organization. The Daily Gamecock is supported in part by student activity fees. One free copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $1 each from the Department of Student Media.
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A high school senior who went missing during his tour of USC two months ago was finally found Tuesday morning on the side of I-26. While Chet Smith of Hillcrest High School had only been missing for two months, his face appeared to have aged two hundred years. He was found in the clothes he had disappeared in and — other than his now biblically old face — appeared to have suffered no harm. Smith was last seen on the Russell House patio with a tour group of potential students and their parents. “I remember the tour guide saying something about a magical clapping circle,” Smith said. “He said that if you stand in the center of the circle and clap, something awesome happens.” Smith waited until the tour group started to move on to their next destination, then stood in the center of the circle and clapped. “I don’t remember much,” Smith said, “just darkness and eternal screaming.” Smith and his parents were reunited at the Richland County Sheriff’s Department. Smith’s parents received a lot of flack for deciding not to look for him in the weeks following his disappearance. “I guess touring the school made us comfortable with the idea of Chet leaving home,” Ryan Smith, Chet’s father, said. “I’m not sure what do with him now. I really enjoyed being an empty-nester.”
m-Yung Kirp, Resident Ghost
Cult forms around Carolina Alert system test crow sound An underground student organization was discovered Tuesday when a Columbia Hall resident complained about an unpleasant smell coming from a neighboring room. Expecting marijuana or week-old pizza, a team of RMs were surprised to instead find burning incense, chicken feed and a stolen football set up like an altar below a framed image of Sir Big Spur. “We didn’t think the foul smell would be a fowl smell,” one of the RMs said. After being questioned by USCPD, Tyler Muehl, first-year public health student and creator of the altar, confessed that he built the shrine in honor of the gamecock crowing sound heard throughout campus every Friday around noon. Though the crow is actually a routine test of the Carolina Alert system, to Muehl it is something greater. “It’s the only thing that gets me through the week,” Muehl said. “When I fi rst heard the crow, something deep inside me was awakened. You can take away my shrine, but there are others.” The remaining members of the cult are still unknown.
m-Yung Kirp, Resident Ghost
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CORRECTIONS You will definitely find errors in today’s edition of The Daily Gamecock. Haha. We got you. Emojis courtesy of iemoji.com. Email editor@dailygamecock.com with nice things to say!
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The blotter normally comes from police reports released by the USC Division of Law Enforcement and Safety, but we made all of this stuff up. Happy April Fools’, y’all.
April 1st to April 1st Underage Drinking — 0 Fake ID — 21 … almost Fraud — 8698 7835 3047 8963 (CSC: 258, Ex. Date: 05/96) Traffic — 30 minutes late to your exam Threats — 1… Nevermind, I mean 0 Drug/Narcotics violations — 787 seconds of Gamecocksnaps Alleged Farts — 2 Larceny of forks — Hannah has like 1,000,000 in her desk Llama/Alpaca attacks — 7
TURNUPPAGE1 now, years after they’ve auctioned off their fake ID the morning of their 21st birthday, are having to grasp at straws to find a new fake. For t hose t hat are 21 and older, it shouldn’t be as hard fi nding a fake ID as it was when they were freshmen. New stores are popping up around Columbia; extremely talented artists are even drawing IDs and selling them to the masses. It seems as though this change has brought about nothing but success for Columbia. Not only are the bars and local
POOPINPAGE1 thing where you duck your head down to see if there are shoes next to you, and that’s when I saw those white Converse and panicked.” Both women stayed silent for the rest of the day Monday and most of Tuesday, hoping the other would do their business and get the heck out of there. The stalls remained locked through the night and into the next day, much to the annoyance of a bunch of other girls who had to use the restroom in Russell House. Finally, a student who asked to remain nameless (which is weird because she wasn’t the one glued to a toilet) alerted a Russell House employee to the congested bathroom situation. The employee called USCPD, and officers swarmed the bathroom.
— An officer was patrolling the intersection of Greene and Laurens streets early Saturday morning when he noticed a girl dressed to the nines. She was stumbling and could barely keep herself up. The officer stopped the girl and asked her where she was headed. She simply stated “to Carolina Cup.” Or so the officer thought that is what she said. The officer asked her how she was going to get there and the girl replied “how do you think?” The girl then began to walk away from the officer. The officer grabbed for the girls arm to restrain her and she swatted him away. The girl then began to run down the streets towards Five Points.
artists doing well, but underage musicians can now play at bars and have all their friends come out and support their act. Nothing is better for a struggling artist than a crowd of drunken people cheering along, and this new rule brings just that to Columbia’s bars. The Five Points Association seems very pleased with the success they are having and hopes to gather feedback from those pleased and displeased with the new rule. For now though, a suggested visit to the nearest Five Points bar is suggested (served best with two or three pitchers of Bud Light).
“It was a classic two-girl-poop-splashsound case,” USCPD spokesman Eric Grabski said. “Another day, another two girls who won’t poop because they don’t want anyone to hear that they poop. Life, man.” A crowd of nearly 50 students gathered by the first floor lavatory to watch the women exit the stall. Both women showed signs of exhaustion, dehydration and constipation. As she was escorted out of the restroom, Gopotti could be heard yelling, “What?! No! I wasn’t going to poop! I only poop at home, if ever! No one has ever heard me poop! My poop is silent! I’m not weird! This isn’t weird!” There is no word on whether either girl has yet to relieve herself.
As she was running, she began to scream “I just want to see a d--horse.” The officer quickly tracked her down but noted that she was faster than he thought. The girl was immediately detained while still screaming about the horse. The officer put her in the back of his car and swiftly took her to see the horses, and then jail. — Officers were called to Russell House early on the morning of March 31 after employees noticed a severe shortage of forks on the main f loor of the building. A ll of the plastic fork dispensers had been emptied according to one of the Sodexo employees, leaving students to eat with their hands
FUNDING?!PAGE1 storage space for inner tubes, pool toys and giant inf latable s h a r k s , r e s p e c t i v e l y. T h i s stipulation passed unanimously in both the house and senate fi nance committees. “Of cou rse, we’re t h rilled to get some st ate f u nd i ng,” Pastides said before he paused, shook his head and stared off into space. “But what’s their endgame? What are they trying to tel l us? W hat does it a l l mean?” Leg islator s on bot h side s of t he a isle voiced s upp or t of t he renovat ion projec t s , with several calling the plans for t he fort hcoming 30 -foot Caroliniana waterslide “totally dope,” “t ight as hell” and “a gnarly drop.” Pastides requested funding for the universit y’s On Your Ti me Graduat ion prog ra m, wh ich t he state government did kind of decide to fund. The budget i ncluded $5 m i l l ion f o r t h e O n S ’m o r e s T i m e Graduat ion prog ram, wh ich we’re guessing has something to do with campfires, but no one really knows for sure — not even Pastides. “Do you have to g raduate
like barbarians. The responding officer followed clues and interviewed according to protocol and was eventually led to The Daily Gamecock’s newsroom. After inquiring about the forks with the staff, the officer noticed a lone fork peeking out of the desk of the current Editor-In-Chief. The officer opened the drawer to find all of the forks from downstairs in her possession. The Editor-In-Chief took one look at the forks and fled the scene, leading to a vigorous onfoot chase through Russell House. She was apprehended and taken to time out to “think about what she had done.”
— Compiled by da Newsies
in t he t ime it takes to make a s’mor e?” Pa s t ide s a s k e d . “ T h at ’s , l i ke, fou r m i nute s tops. Maybe five or six if you’re looking for that golden brown crust. Whatever, either way, it’s not enough time to get a degree. We wanted kids to graduate in fewer than four years, not four minutes.” The remaining $2.5 million was given to t he ot her USC campuses for “other projects we’ll f ig ure out later. To be honest, we kind of forgot about these f unds. That waterslide will be sick though, right guys?” After this year’s whimsical allocations, Pastides said his team is work ing to draf t request s for t he nex t f isc a l year that might interest state legislators more, which include converting the Thomas Cooper Libra r y i nto a g ia nt pi l low for t , erec t i ng a yea r-rou nd igloo on t he Horseshoe and implementing hiring ostriches to walk arou nd campus just because. “Weird funding is better than no f unding, right?” Past ides said. “Right? Guys?”
(Wo)Mensday, Ayprull 1zt, 2oiS
STEVE>ZAYNPAGE1 look at Spurrier with stars in his eyes at the press conference. Louis Tomlinson was relat ively quiet during the entirety of the public appearance and only looked up to give Spurrier a heartfelt thumbs up. All that was left was the paperwork. “I think everything is here for us to be successful on this tour, I really do,” Spurrier said as he sat on stage at the official announcement press conference. As he looked back and forth between his new ‘mates,’ his smile only grew. Spurrier hopes to fill the spot left empty by Malik, but he believes with the Gamecock nation behind him, it shouldn’t be too difficult. “Our stadium holds over 80,000, and we always end up selling all our tickets for the South Carolina games,” he said. ALLIG8RSPAGE1 “If we do not see people creating Facebook groups to garner support for their position on an issue,” Holt said, “is it really an issue worth discussing?” Of cou rse, Holt conceded, not every point of contention that comes up in SG can be expected to see such overwhelming input as did the Great Greene St. Gate-Gate Debate. He maintained nonetheless that, “at the very least, these topics should result in a few emotionally-charged flame wars on Yik Yak.” However, the proposal was not met entirely with support. A number of senators voiced their concerns, claiming t hat because st udents have grow n accustomed to not caring about anything student government does, a sudden influx of interest could be detrimental to CLASSICPREZPAGE1 several Mercedes SU Vs in rapid approach. I k new it was all over then.” Before Pastides had time to back up, the line had grown like a Chia Pet in the Everglades. A squad of USC parking enforcers then descended upon Pastides in his yellow Suzuki Esteem, “tossing park ing t ickets like ninja stars,” according to a random forgettable bystander.
“I should have no problem selling out these kids’ concert venues.” “We’ve all got our nicknames and we plan on calling him HBC when we’re on stage,” Niall Horan, a remaining member of the band, said. “He might be old enough to be our granddad, but, he’s not like regular granddad’s — he’s a cool granddad.” Horan hopes that Spurrier will draw in the older demographic and increase their versatility as a band. Spurrier will join the group at their April 1 show in Cape Town, South Africa where he will make his debut singing lead vocals alongside Styles, Tomlinson, Payne and Horan. “Zayn who?” Spurrier said with a grin, striking his signature “jazzy” pose as he modeled for his first shoot with One Direction.
its operation. As the floor opened up for discussion a number of ideas were put forth. Brian Samples pushed for allowing students’ input between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m., whereas a small group of representatives agreed that it would be best just to wait until next year’s election to rally any sort of interest from the student body. After several more senators had voiced their concern with or support of the resolution, the senate arrived at an agreement on how to move forward. Throughout the upcoming week, several volunteering representatives will be out on Greene St. surveying students with a questionnaire. Their goal is to obtain a reliable poll on whether or not students would be interested in student government addressing topics in which students are interested.
By the time the dust had settled, Pastides walked away with $46 in parking tickets and a garage full of hysterical college students, angry they were held up from getting home to watch Scandal and doing nothing for the rest of the day. “That was the craziest experience of m y l i f e ,” s a id a n e x h au s t e d Pastides later on. “I guess I’ll just f i nd somewhere else to park on campus. Oh wait.”
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Trendsday, April -1, 20??
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Lazy college students spark new spring fashion trends MaryJane Toker @KYLIE_TOKES
Mila Kunis / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
The new Hard Rock Cafe will include a guitar shop, a record store and an exclusive lounge for returning customers.
Hard Rock takes over campus Craig Lee @TDG_ARTS
Hard Rock Café, t he cha i n theme restaurant full of rock and roll memorabilia, is k nown for bringing in business, but now our business will bring in Hard Rock Café. I n Aug ust 2015, Hard Rock Café will open in the old business bu i ld i ng to replace Ca rol i na Productions by bringing a venue for live music and overpriced bar food to Columbia. Students can now enjoy bands from all over the
world every week. “This will be our most vertical rest au ra nt yet ,” sa id A nton io Baut ist a, Hard Rock ’s Sen ior Vice President of Franchise Café Development and Operat ions. “We’re picturing a multi-story Ro c k & Rol l Mu s eu m a nd a concert venue, in addition to the restaurant itself. At this point, we’re just looking for ways to fi ll space.” Pla ns for d if ferent areas of t he bu ild i ng i nclude a g u it ar shop, a record store, a nd a n exclusive lounge for members of
MyHardRock, the company’s new music streaming service. T he Café’s g ra nd open i ng, which will coincide with movein weekend at USC, will include a reunion concert by Hootie & the Blowfish. The band members say they plan to be regulars at the restaurant. “It’s honestly a good thing this restaurant wasn’t here when I was at Carolina,” said Darius Rucker, the band’s lead singer. “Instead of forming Hootie [& the Blowfish], I
Warmer weather and end-of-semester laziness has caused many female students to adorn a more relaxed style, and the fashion world has embraced this trend. So ladies, get comfortable in your Nike shorts and extra-large T-shirts, because now the custom is being adopted into many red carpet fashion shows. The only way to describe it is “basic as hell.” “I just think it’s, like, so revolutionary, you k now?” second-year fashion student Helen Highwater said. “Because, like, it’s never been done before. I’m really pumped to see actresses totally rocking this look this spring.” And she’s right — celebrities are already starting to wear T-shirts that are at least two sizes too big. In fact, big names like Natalie Portman and Emma Stone have already been seen at A-list events wearing Nike socks and sneakers. Taking advice from college students isn’t just becoming a trend for female celebrities though — the university’s male style has started rubbing off on them too. But instead of sloppy running gear, you’ll be seeing Holly wood’s gent lemen in short pastel shorts and bow ties. “It’s good to see that we’re fi nally being recognized as leaders,” said Jack Daniels, third-year business student. “As a white male whose fat her is a CEO of a major corporation, I really didn’t know if I was going to get anywhere in life. I’m considering this a pretty big achievement, dude.” And students will defi nitely be getting that recognition. In fact, MTV and E! News will be sending out fi lm crews to USC’s campus to document where the trend began. Many students have already signed contracts for
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Columbia’s Ugliest Man Competition returns music scene actually dead Morgan Le Fey
@MORETHANMORGAN
Velveeta Ola-Savory @BELVINOLASOV
It had a good run, but Columbia’s lumbia s music scene fi nally came to an end Tuesday night at the New Brookland Tavern when hen punk band Brick Bones played to an emptyy house. Up until Tuesday, the scenee had been kept alive by a handful of middle-aged aged rock fans, overenthusiastic metalheads and d bored college students, but by Tuesday, whatever hatever ricket y momentum the music scene had d came to a stop. “It was f u n wh i le it lasted,” ed,” sa id Dick Wrench, lead singer of Brick Bones. “But no one really cared. I don’t really care. I’ll sell my guitar for $2.50.” Marf Cusim, ow ner of t hee Music Farm franchise, was not pleased with h the demise of Columbia’s music scene. “Really? You losers won’t come me out for Ryan Hemsworth?” Cusim said while ile standing on his chair and yelling at no onee in particular. “What, should I get the Beatles? les? Sorry, you young pieces of s---, Cherub can’t an’t come every week!” The scene seemed to be doing ng better in the past few months, but a few factors ctors conspired to f inally k ill it for good. First, irst, the older music fans made the fatal mistake take to drive to Raleigh for a Swans show and d died of noise rock-induced heart attacks. The metalheads, for their part, art, collectively came to the realization that they’re hey’re devoting vast swaths of their lives to an ugly music genre for children. “What am I, a middle schooler?” oler?” said Griff Gu nderson, for mer metalhead. ead. “I f inally burned my collect ion of denim nim vests and Metallica T-shirts. Now, women men will talk to me.” As for the college audience, e, they stopped going to concerts because not enough people went to concerts. The self-fulfi fi lling prophecy was not lost on them, but thanks ks to their sheer apathy, they didn’t care. A USC student was available le for comment but could only muster a weak shrug.
Due to the extreme amount of hideous males lingering around campus on a reg ular basis, a unanimous decision was made to bring back the Ugliest Man on Campus contest, sponsored by all USC fraternities.
T h is is not t he f i rst t i me fraternities motioned to select the Ugliest Man on Campus. Alpha Phi Omega first hosted t h e e v e n t i n 1952 t o g a i n humorous publicit y and raise money for ref ugee st udent s across the world. Howe ver, t he pu r p o s e of this year’s event is not to raise
money or awareness for the less fortunate, but simply to fulfill t he ex t reme need to f ig u re out who exact ly is t he most aesthetically challenged person on campus to better the campus as a whole. The candidates for the contest SEEUGLYDUCKLINGSPAGE4
$Dollars / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Alpha Phi Omega first hosted this event in 1952 to gain hilarious publicity and raise money for many refugee students.
Dependsday, A???? ?, 2048
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UGLYDUCKLINGSPAGE4
realit y television n shows based on t heir popular outfit choices. One of these individuals dividuals is Jane Linkfence, e, firstyear education student, tudent, and she has aspirations tions to make it big. “ I r e a l l y t h i n k t h at I deser ve to havee a T V s h o w, b e c a u s e I w a s defi nitely one of the fi rst people to wear myy shirts longer than my Norts,” Linkfence said. “I don’t even r u n and I ow n 58 pairs of these bad boys.” Linkfence’s boyfriend, yfriend, Cody Pendant, is looking for wa rd to m a k i ng a n appearance on Linkfence’s kfence’s s h o w. H i s C h u b b i e s collection is making ing him somewhat of an icon con for male celebrities. “I act ually received eived a call f rom Snoop Dogg, look ing for suggestions gestions about what colorr would l o o k b e s t o n h i m ,” Pendant said. “I suggested uggested he go for the salmon.” on.” So next time a professor rofessor or parent tells you that our generation will be shaping t he f ut u re , rememb memb er t h i s . A pp a re nt l y e ve n our fashion sense (or lack t hereof ) w ill make ake big impacts on the rest st of the world.
were announced this week and they are taking this contest very seriously. Upsi lon G a m ma La mbda member, Slim Chance, said he feels honored to be considered for the award and that he is so ugly that even Ripley wouldn’t believe it. “My mother was ver y hair y,” Chance said. “She always had a strong brow bone with connecting eyebrows, a f ull mustache and very thick chin hairs. I am just lucky she passed all of that down to me.” A not her non-aff iliated contestant, Lance. A. Boyle, said he will just be himself and he is sure to win. “I am so ugly that one time I scared the crap out of the toilet,” Boyle said. “I think the odds here are in my favor. But I have to say, I would end up giving all of my credit to the boil on my neck. I wouldn’t be here without him.” Although these contestants are so ugly they could make onions
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cry, contest favorite Mel Formed, a member of Iota Ch i K appa, could possibly win first, second and third place. “My mother used to say I was so ugly I cou ld make a happy meal frown,” Formed said. “So it feels good to know that I can be recognized for my crooked nose and extreme underbite and have the chance to be a winner for the fi rst time.” T he w i n ner of t he Ugl ie st M a n on Ca mpu s contest w i l l be presented with a gift card, a trophy and a brown paper bag. Fraternities are currently taking donations to purchase the gift card and a brown paper bag that is thick enough to mask all ugliness. Omega Pi member Charlotta Crap will be presenting the award to the ugliest man at the Ugliest Man on Campus dance, where all the grisly boys will await the decision to f i nd out t he f i nal results. If you would like to attend the dance, tickets will be available at the door. Ugliness is not necessary to enter.
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THERE’S STILL TIME TO SECURE $Dollars / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Nike shorts, oversized T-shirts and Chubbies are all the rage, according to college students.
TURNDOWN4WUTPAGE4 would have spent all my time chowing down at Hard Rock.” D e s p it e not h a v i n g a r e ad i l y accessible Hard Rock Café in the past, the restaurant has long inspired the band. “The song ‘Only Wanna Be With You’? I actually wrote it for Hard Rock’s Fiesta Burger, when I visited Hard Rock in Detroit,” said Mark Bryan, the band’s lead guitarist. According to USC President Harris Pastides, selling the building to Hard Rock Café International, Inc. was the
only way for the university to regain the money it lost when the justice department dropped their lease of the building earlier this year. “On one hand, it’s going to be inconvenient,” Pastides said, “but you k now, I do love classic rock memorabilia.” The Hard Rock Café should bring some personalit y to a part of the campus that is currently underutilized. Perhaps students will eventually be able to use meals swipes to pay for t heir Rock in’ Wings and Tupelo Chicken Tenders.
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6
What day?, April Worst, 2015
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p r S i n l g a u F l n i n n g • A • Wednesday, April 1st from 12-2 on Greene St. We will be debuting our new t-shirts and have lots of AWESOME RAFFLE ITEMS!
@mycarolinastudent @MyCarolina /mycarolina mycarolina.org
OPINION 7
Bensday, March XXXII, MMXV
Head to Head to Head to
Head to Head
Which One Direction band member is best?
Harry
Louis
I often dream of Harry Styles. No, perhaps “often” isn’t the correct word. I spend all of my waking hours devoted to tiring out my body and mind so that I may be with Harry Styles in my dreams. (I am now able to sleep 18 hours a day.) I often wake up beside my Harry Styles body pillow. On the best nights, when I am slipping out of a dream towards the cold knife-light of morning, I can believe, for a few moments, that Harry Styles has departed from the land of my dreams into my filthy body pillow. Somet imes my m i nd will refuse to deliver Harry Styles to me in a dream to torment me. T ho s e a r e t he wo r s t nights, when I am separated f rom H a r r y St y le s t he longest. I feel guilt y, somehow; that he is trapped in the part of my brain that dreaming does not reach, scratching and crying to reach me. I have been asked to write about the other members of “One Direct ion” and compare t hem to Harr y Styles to see which one is the best. I am afraid I cannot do t his. I don’t k now t heir names and will never care to know. W hat I u nderst a nd is this — that Harry Styles, my l ight , my sou rce of significance, outshines any other genetically possible conf ig urat ion of human beings (including me). I could go on, but I am tired now and need to sleep. Harry Styles is waiting for me. — Baz O. Piers
Niall
It is a truth universally acknowledged that boys who can sing make us weak at the knees. A mong t hem is Louis Tomlinson, the oldest and most swoon-worthy member of One Direction. He is one of the band’s prominent songwriters, as well as an aspiring actor and athlete. Hav ing co-w rit ten 30 of O ne D i r e c t io n’s catchy songs, he is clearly an essent ial part of t he g roup. He even t u r ned down the opportunity to star in a major Hollywood production in order to go on their next tour. On top of his art ist ic talents, he’s also athletic. After playing in a charity soccer game in his hometown, he was offered a deal to joi n t he local Doncaster Rovers, on noncontract terms so he could prioritize his work with the band. Even without these other talents, he is downright dreamy. Buzzfeed decrees him “the hottest member of the group,” using some of his most charming pictures to prove t heir point. If messy brown hair combined with light blue-green eyes isn’t enough, just wait until you see his totally adorable smile. He’s also quirky, as shown by his large collection of unusual tattoos, including a tic-tac-toe game on his forearm and “It is what it is” written in script across his chest. This shows that he is fun and goofy, but also sensitive. Louis is clearly the best of One Direction. If Buzzfeed says so, it must be true. — Lisa Brekenspriel
Liam
Niall Horan is synonymous with angelic a nd per fect. He’s ha nds dow n t he most valuable member of the biggest boy band One Direction. You have to dissect every part: t he look , t he voice a nd the appeal. Now don’t get me wrong, asking me my favorite Direction boy is like asking what body part I want to cut off. Every single one of them has a special place in my heart, but the little Irish leprechaun from Mullingar has my heart completely. His looks are prime. The blond hair and blue-eyed combo will make any girl go wild. Don’t even get me started on his smile. Niall’s dimples and adorable little butt-chin should be framed in a museum because they’re pu re master pieces. He’s definitely a nice piece of eye-candy. I can’t even think of words to describe his voice. It’s raspy, but it’s pure. When he performs, you can see the passion clearly on his face. He loves what he does. Besides his amazing voice, he’s the only member who plays an instrument on stage, adding to his value. Who’s One Direct ion’s biggest fan? Niall Horan. Many of his tweets are about his love for his brothers. He knows exactly how to get the fans riled up in under 140 characters. With 10,000 tweets, he’s the most active on Twitter. The people want someone who will talk. The best member will always be t he small boy from Mullingar who just wanted to be bigger than Justin Bieber. Sure, the other members are incredible, but let’s put Horan on a pedestal, please. Literally. — Lauren Order
Liam Payne is the best member of One Direction much like Gerald “Hershey” Ford was the best president. Gerald Ford was born in 1911 to Henry Ford, the auto-magnate, and his wife Clara. He was noted in his childhood for his insatiable love of chocolate. As soon as he was given an allowance, he spent all of it at the candy store every week. Once at the candy store he saw a bear trying to steal all of the honey-based candy. Ford was allergic to honey, but he still held the bear down for a 10-count and broke a chair over its head. Thus Ford invented professional wrestling. In college, Ford studied chemistry to make better chocolates. Unfortunately, his first attempt to start a candy empire was thwarted by World War II breaking out. He bravely answered the call and was quickly promoted to commander of the USS Constitution in a series of events that had nothing to do with his billionaire father writing some checks. But however he c a m e t o p o w e r, he quickly proved he deserved it by leading his ship when it sunk three German caravels at the battle of Midway. A f t e r t h e w a r, Fo r d began a chocolate company that bore his nick name, “Hershey.” You’ve probably heard of it. But soon Ford became bored and entered i nto pol it ic s, where he beca me president af ter R ichard Nixon resigned and Spiro Agnew, the vice president, died after eating a poisoned chocolate. In conclusion, Liam 4 Evah!!! — Neon Chimera 31
Steve Honestly, I didn’t think it was necessary to even write t his column. Obv iously, Steve Spurrier is the new king of One Direction, even considering his short tenure with the group. Move out of the way, Harry Styles, the Ol’ Ball Coach is moving right into the spotlight. We can look at the raw numbers, as coach Spurrier blows away t he ot her members of 1D in Heismans, National Championships a nd career w ins; not to mention his silky smooth t e n o r. I n j o i n i n g O n e Direct ion, Spurrier has brou ght a n ident it y of athleticism and artistic style that had been missing. Coach Spu r r ier a lso brings a sense of Southern style to the group, which has been on display in Columbia for years. There are rumors circulating that he will be featured in a topless photoshoot for the next album, and I think the other members of the group may have a hard time keeping up with that raw sort of sexuality. Some may cite Spurrier’s lower number of Twitter followers as a detriment, but I’m sure that extended time with the group will remedy that disparity of numbers. The Head Ball Coach is gaining followers by the day, and since joining 1D, he has been trending at an almost unforeseen rate. It won’t be long until Zayn Malik will be forgotten in the annals of 1D history, and before long the group could be renamed Steve & the Spurriers. There is no debate; the Ol’ Ball Coach is by far the best member artistically, aesthetically and athletically. — Visor McHardbody
BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY
VELVEETA OLA-SAVORY
LITTLE MERMAID
CHALUPA BATMAN
MILA KUNIS
Editor-in-Chief
Managing Editor
Managing Editor
Copy Desk Chief
Photo Editor
LINCOLN’S MOM
GALIDASCOPE
SHERLOCK HELMS
DJ COLDCUTS
Design Director
Asst. Arts & Culture Editor
Asst. Sports Editor
Opinion Editor
An appeal to our captor ISSUE Someone has trapped us all inside the newsroom. We suspect it’s someone who we may have wronged.
OUR STANCE We apologize to anyone who’s honor we have impuned. We beg for forgiveness, as well as an open door to the newsroom. The giant beam lodged in front of our door has rendered our entire staff trapped in the newsroom. Supplies are low. Morale is dwindling. We have eaten our entire archive of papers, but it didn’t satisfy as much as we anticipated. The most burning question we can think of (aside from who shame-farted in the trash can): who the hell barricaded us in here? We’ve come to the conclusion it must have been someone we’ve horribly wronged. After much soul searching, and before we shove this through the window so it flutters sadly to the
sidewalk, we have resolved to apologize to anyone who we think may be responsible. We hope they will see this and release us from our literary prison. We’re sorry, supporters of SG candidates we didn’t endorse. And gate debaters, gate negaters, gate traitors, alligators, and any other -ators. We apolog ize, devoted fa ns of Dra ke a nd Pentatonix. We meant no offense to Louis from The State, crossword enthusiasts and everyone at the School of Journalism & Mass Communications. We ask forgiveness from Dawn Staley, Yik Yak users and the workers of Marble Slab. For good measure we should apologize to USC students, Columbia residents and Cock y. A lso feminists, meninists, conser vat ives, liberals, libertarians, independents and everybody else. Whoever locked us in here, we truly apologize. Unless it was you, the reader, because then you should know better than to take any part of this seriously. Anyway, all of this is to say — somebody come and let us the hell out of here!
7
Weddings-day, April??? 91-90, 2222000011115555
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HORRORSCOPES Yo u ’ l l f i n d yourself at a crossroads today. Consider the future. Remember the past. Everything else hinges on this. Savor the sinking feeling as you realize that it’s already too late. Pay at tent ion t o y o u r instincts today. D o n’t s t a r t new alliances or sig n a ny paper work u nt i l Saturday’s full moon. If you make it that long, that is.
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ACROSS 1 Perennial Oscars staple 6 Canoeist’s challenge 11 Game with pelotas 13 Maria __, the last House of Habsburg ruler 14 They’re found in bars 15 Most comfortable 16 Breed canines? 18 “Peter Pan” character 19 Erase, as from memory 24 Ukr., once 25 Honey Bear portrayer in “Mogambo” 26 Like some labor 28 Emotionally strained 30 Cabinet dept. created under LBJ 31 Prevent that sinking feeling? 34 Intertwines 36 Pygmalion’s statue 37 Course number 38 Touched 39 “ATale of Love and Darkness” author 41 Native Coloradan 42 Financial Times rival, briefly 45 Best Picture of 1954 46 Train with dukes? 47 “I hate to interrupt ...” 49 Strasbourg’s region 51 In a defensible manner 54 Biological reversion 58 Newborn raptors 59 Progress by directed effort DOWN 1 Retiree’s attire? 2 Knock 3 “Revenge of the Sith” episode number 4 Café reading
Try ghosts.
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Oh, t r ust ing and naïve G e m i n i . Someone plans to t a ke adva nt age of those traits today. Find the nearest abandoned t unnel and wait unt il dark. There, you will be safe. D o n’t lo ok any clocks directly in the f a c e t o d a y. As Mars enters Taurus, the time is right to try new things, or maybe quit lying to yourself. Ever ybody a l ready knows.
BIRTHRIGHT OF COLUMBIA
Free Pregnancy Testing • 803.765.0165 • birthrightofcolumbia.org 5 Peace Nobelist two years after Desmond 6 Time-traveling Doctor 7 Shut (in) 8 Pupil controller 9 Swarms 10 Scoreless trio? 12 Formation meaning “neck” in Greek 13 N.Y.C. country club? 17 Broke ground 19 Important greenhouse gas 20 Co-tsar with Peter I 21 TV cook Deen 22 Prominent instrument in “Paint It, Black” 23 British nobleman 27 Biblical cover-up 29 Snack in un bar 30 Leggy wader 32 Couldn’t get enough of 33 American rival 35 “It’s Impossible” crooner 36 Watches with wonder
Avoid hor se s t o d a y. T h e curtain is up, so play t he part. Rethink your approach to you r st ud ie s a nd personal relationships. After all, every living creature dies alone. To d a y y o u might f ind y o u r s e l f researching new financial possibilities or reach ing out to a n old friend. Find joy in spontaneity. Ignore the hooded figures in your peripheral. Cut your losses and begin a n e w. K e e p your head down, walk quickly and carr y an umbrella. It won’t rain, but, dear Libra, you’ll still need it. You’re d r aw n to t he good in people. Be war y of salespeople today. No, they haven’t forgotten you. They’re back, and this time, you’re going with them.
Pla n a n ight out as t he sun approaches alignment with Jupiter. Listen up — lottery tickets and casinos are calling your na me. Listen closer. Hear the howling. Hear how it hungers. Your creat ive side is on overdrive today. Express you rself ! Paint a picture, write a letter or br i ng a n of fer i ng to the sacrifice circle. Praise, praise, praise the sacrifice circle. D o n’t t r u s t a n y o n e wearing blue — not even you rself. Th i n k big. Count every omen. Put down the knife. Steady your trembling hands. A l w a y s introspective, you might f i nd you r sel f ret h i n k i ng t he big things today. Fear not, Pisces, everything will work itself out in the end. None of t h is is even real.
oh god how did this get here im not good with computer
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37 Sci-fi writer Frederik 40 Legal orders 42 River phenomena (or what literally happens six times in this puzzle) 43 Harvest sight 44 Tower-building game 46 Cut off
48 Suburban symbol 50 Pasture newborn 52 __ canto 53 Mil. ranks 55 Prefix with propyl 56 It might be original 57 Boulder hrs.
04/01/15
1 2 3 4
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9
Threesday, April 0, TWOzeroONEfive
Spurrier’s visor: A tale of love and heartbreak
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
Sherlock Helms @WHELMS21
Recently our very own Assistant Sports Editor Will Helms scored the biggest interview in his young career when head football coach Steve Spurrier’s visor agreed to answer some questions. N o w I k n o w w h a t y o u ’r e t h i n k i n g : v i s o r s c a n’t t a l k . However, anything lucky enough to touch Spurrier’s all knowing and perfect head instantly becomes animated. T he Da i ly G a meco ck : So visor, tell us how you got the job as Steve’s right-head man? Visor: It was a dark night. The year was 2005; Weezer was blasting a s I ner vou sly headed to my interview. The Head Ball Coach sat with his signature smug look as he ran us through drills. The work was grueling, but I came out a better hat. I don’t know how, but somehow I came out as the Spisor. TDG: You have quite a few grass stains Spisor, would you mind explaining those? Visor: See this one? Kentucky game 2014. This one right here? Tennessee, 2013. This big one? Every Auburn game ever. All 17 of these? Stephen Garcia. Basically, every time we lose, I get angrily thrown to the ground harder than when Jadeveon Clowney sacked Tajh Boyd. TDG: How much credit do you take for the coach’s success? Visor: About as much as Shaq Roland. TDG: Thank you for your time. We’ll look for you at media days. For our readers: I’ve been asked how much planning went into this article. Actually, this entire interview was a Spurrier-of-themoment idea.
Kangaroo / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Ray Tanner’s favorite songs from the hit Fox show include Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and Adele’s “Rumour Has It / Someone Like You.” SINGINGINTHERAINPAGE10 “I have to admit, it took me a while to buy in,” said Patrick Harrington, then a freshman. “Ray and the boys opened my eyes to quality TV. Once I heard Blaine’s voice, I knew I’d love the show; almost as much as baseball.” A decent t h ird season propelled the Gamecocks to a third straight national title opportunity. However, the Arizona Wildcats emerged
as the victors. “The Wildcats caught on to the trend and rallied behind Nashville,” Tanner said. “Even I have to admit that show is better.” That’s about the time that Tanner took the athletic director job. “ It w a s a g o o d r u n ,” Tanner said. “But all good things have to come to an end.” The Gamecocks promot e d Holbro ok to head coach. While South Ca rol i n a h a s h ad some
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success, it’s nothing like what the team experienced during t hose f irst t hree seasons. Holbrook has of ten been criticized for being too loyal. To his credit, he r e f u s e d t o q u it t he struggling show even when its ratings dropped. “Maybe I shou ld have abandoned the show earlier,” Holbrook said. “Now that it’s over, I don’t suppose it will matter much.” I ndeed t he ser ie s ha s reached its conclusion. The
finale aired on March 20, during a 1-3 week for the Gamecocks. “Not gonna lie, I hated that show,” freshman Alex Destino said. “I never got it. Maybe now that it’s over we’ll start winning some more games.” South Carolina will look for a new inspiration this year. What’s next on the list for the Gamecocks? “ I do n’t k now,” Holbrook said. “Probably ‘Unbrea k able K i m my Schmidt.’”
End(zone)day, ApRiL FiRsT, 2000 and late 10
Martin named calmest coach in America Pillsbury Doherty @BRENNAN_DOHERTY
No surprise here. W hat many f ig ured was t he c a s e , w a s f u r t he r validated when a survey conducted by t he NC A A fou nd t h at Fr a n k Martin, t h e
head coach of the South Carolina men’s basketball team, is in fact the calmest coach in the country. T he s u r ve y wa s sent out to e ac h NC A A D i v i s ion 1 head coach (351 in total) and every respondent was asked to nominate a coach that they found to be “extremely calm, relaxed, unemotional and even-keeled” during games. “The criteria the NCAA gave us basically fits Frank perfectly,” one head coach said. “He’s been coaching for a long time and the one thing that’s always stood out about h im to me was his ability to stay c a l m . W i n n i ng or losing, close game or blowout,
Frank has always seemed so collected and really unaffected almost by what’s happening out on the court. I didn’t even have to think twice before writing his name down.” Accord i ng to one NC A A spokesma n, t he su r vey was conducted so the association could keep tabs on its coaches’ personalities. “We did this just as a type of background research to have a good sense of what our coaches are like,” the spokesman said. Since taking over at South Ca rol i na beg i n n i ng i n t he 2012-2013 season, Martin has i mp r ove d t he G a me c o c k s’ record each year since arriving in Columbia. One player said that Martin’s calm personality is what led him to South Carolina. “Even when I was a young kid, I knew I wanted to play for a coach as relaxed and easygoing as coach Martin is,” one player said. “I remember watching him on TV when he was
at K-State and thinking ‘wow, I’ve got to play for this guy.’” While it’s common for many coaches at all levels to raise their voices and yell at players to get their messages across, that isn’t Martin’s way. Instead, he calmly whispers directions into players’ ears and never seems angered, even when things don’t go as planned. “Win or lose, Frank is a cool customer,” one of his assistant coaches said. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell if we won or lost a game if you only judge his body lang uage. I don’t k now how the guy does it. He’s always so composed and calculated.” Of course, everyone is human and Mart in is no dif ferent. Occasionally, he’ll slip up too. But when that happens, he punishes himself. “One time he got caught up in the moment and said ‘gosh darn it’ after we lost a game,” one player said. “He realized he had screwed up right away and apologized. The next day we showed up for practice and he was running sprints to make up for his mistake. He’s just that type of guy.” After Martin, the coaches with the next highest vote totals for the distinction were Wisconsin’s Bo Ryan, Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim, Mar yland’s Mark Turgeon and U T E P ’s T i m Floyd.
Honor Cock / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Frank Martin joined head football coach Steve Spurrier as the only two coaches in school history to be voted “Calmest Coach in America” by their colleagues.
Spurrier adds himself to starting quarterback competition Honor Cock / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Sherlock Helms @WHELMS21
Head footba l l coach Steve Spu r r ier a n nou nced Monday that the Gamecocks would host open tryouts for the quarterback position. “I saw that movie,” Spurrier sa id. “ I nv ic t u s ... O r wa s it Invincible? Ah well, it worked out for the Eagles.” Spurrier stressed that this is in no way a ref lect ion on t he way his quarterbacks have been practicing this spring. As of now, sophomore Connor Mitch leads t he way, fol lowed by ju n iors Perry Orth, Brendan Nosovitch and Pharoh Cooper, redshirt freshman Michael Scarnecchia, true freshman Lorenzo Nunez and Spurrier himself. “I went pro a year early,” an ageless Spurrier said. “I still have a year of eligibility left. Maybe this is the year to use it.” Spu r r ier has not avoided quarterback controversies in the past. In the late 2000s, Spurrier would often bench his starting quarterback, even after a good game. When all-time wins leader Connor Shaw stepped on campus though, Spurrier stuck with the Flowery Branch, Georgia native until his graduation. “I ac t ua l ly l i ked Con nor,” Spurrier said. “I’ve never liked a quarterback. Not even Danny
Wuerffel. Dylan (Thompson) gave us a decent year last year, but it’s time to go back to my old ways. You can never have too many quarterbacks. I’d start 11 if I had the chance.” T he 69 -y e a r - old Spu r r ier repor tedly told all of h is quarterbacks to watch out because the former Heisman trophy winner is still, “a better passer than a nybody i n t he SEC.” Skept ic s have cr it icized t he Head Ball Coach’s age, but Spurrier remained adamant that he could still play with the best of them. “Golf isn’t t he only sport I c a n play bet ter t ha n Pey ton Manning,” Spurrier said. “Ask Nick Saban.” However, Spurrier explained t hat if t he team fou nd a qua r terback good enough to i mpre s s h i m , he wou ld t a ke another redshirt this season. “I’ve taken a medical redshirt each of t he last 48 seasons,” Spurrier explain. “Bad knees … What’s another year of waiting? It’s not like I’m going to retire anytime soon. Not in the next three to four years that is.” SEC defenses have improved
t h is of f sea son. But if Sout h Carolina cannot find a quarterback up to par, Spurrier has a backup plan. “A really good punter,” Spurrier said. Speculat ion has risen as to whether or not the Head Ball Coach was referring to himself. After all, he did hit a 40-yard field goal while at the Un iversit y of Florida. While fans and media members are getting caught up in the commotion, M it c h r e m a i n s unfazed. “The old man talks a big game,” Mitch said. “I’m pretty sure I can take him though. He may have 50 years on me, but his bark is bigger than his bite. Maybe he was a good quarterback at one time, but that was well before he played for the Buccaneers.” Tr youts for the quarterback position will be held Wednesday, Apr il 1 at W il l ia ms-Br ice Stadium. Admission is free. Spurrier has asked students to come try out or just “bask in his awesomeness.” Loya lt y poi nt s w i l l not be awarded.
“Golf isn’t the only sport I play better than Peyton Manning. Ask Nick Saban.” – Steve Spurrier
Tanner: ‘Glee’ inspired both national titles Sherlock Helms @WHELMS21
Former South Carolina head baseball coach and current at hlet ics director Ray Tanner recently explained the secret behind his coaching success at the beginning of the decade. The Gamecock baseball team won backto-back national titles in 2010 and 2011 while finishing as the national runner-up in 2012. In the two and a half seasons since Tanner accepted the job as athletic director, the team has not been the same, failing to reach Omaha in current head coach Chad Holbrook’s first two years.The Gamecock baseball team won backto-back national titles in 2010 and 2011 while finishing as the national runner-up in 2012. As a result, many fans have criticized Holbrook. The Gamecocks have in fact lost six of their last eight games and have dropped to 18th in Baseball America’s Top 25 poll. However, Tanner revealed Tuesday the real reason why the Gamecocks have “scuffled.” “‘Glee,’” Tanner said of the key to his success. “As it goes, we go.” Tanner explained that Fox’s former hit show was the banner behind which his teams rallied. “ We felt we were a pret t y good team,” Tanner said. “But we lacked a common interest, something we could bond over. When I saw the first episode the fall of 2009, I knew we’d found it.” And find it they did. Tanner explained that instead of the normal fi lm study on Mondays, the team would watch the previous week’s episode together. “It was the highlight of my week,” former infielder Scott Wingo recalled. “Me and the guys would pick our favorite song each week and sing that as a warm up for weekend games. Some players even began using some of the cast’s recordings as their walkup music. “Coach Tanner promised he’d buy us all the season one DVD if we won the title,” said former pitcher Michael Roth. “We even planned to binge watch the whole season in celebration.” In 2011, it was more of the same for the Gamecocks. The team went 55-14 and won all 10 of their games in the NCA A tournament to capt ure t heir second st raight Nat ional Championship. SEESINGINGINTHERAINPAGE9