Rethinking the idea of motherhood

By The Daily Ilini Editorial Board

Motherhood is a difficult and bittersweet subject to write about.

In writing this editorial, we felt that it was important to do justice to the struggles of mothers — praising them for the hard work they put in — while acknowledging that there isn’t a clear-cut definition of what motherhood is.

In our society, we’re conditioned into believing in one notion of what motherhood is. It’s an expectation for girls growing up to become mothers, and they’re judged when they choose to stay childless.

When it comes to motherhood, there’s a perfectionist standard placed on mothers. This came with the advent of social media, where mothers’ lives are curated to hide away all the messiness of parenting. Given the monumental task of raising a human being, women are expected to know everything and are judged when they make mistakes. This needs to change. We cannot and should not expect perfection in motherhood. We cannot ignore the fact that parenting is messy and imperfect.

Mothers in the United States lack support. We lag behind other countries when it comes to paid maternity leave, as there is currently no national mandate in place for paid leave. There are similar problems due to a lack of adequate universal childcare.

There are many different postpartum changes to a mother’s body after childbirth. The most well-known of these is postpartum depression, but there are also other mental and physical changes. Motherhood isn’t seamless and pretty; it changes you fundamentally — and the toughest parts of it are often swept under the rug. With child-rearing often comes a loss of identity as your priorities shift from focusing on oneself to focusing on raising a child. A survey from the Pew Research Center found that roughly a third of moms reported that being a parent was the most important aspect of who they are as a person.

When “Mom” becomes your name, hobbies and aspirations come second. Mothers and their children can have strenuous relationships — especially with adolescent daughters. According to The Wall Street Journal, mothers tend to see their daughters as extensions of themselves and act in ways that may be interpreted as controlling to prevent their daughter from making the same mistakes.

Children will incur a mental toll on their mothers regardless of age. With adolescence and beyond comes a different set of complex problems that moms have to deal with.

This Moms Weekend, we encourage you to acknowledge your mothers as human beings with lives that are separate from just being a mom.

Thus far, we’ve only covered one angle of what a mother could be. But motherhood isn’t just when you’re a mother who is taking care of her child.

Sometimes mothers have to rely on their own children to take on some of the responsibilities of motherhood for their younger siblings, while they are preoccupied with working to support their family. This act of motherhood expands the definition of what motherhood can be. opinions@dailyillini.com

Taking on a maternal role at an early age — and all of the responsibilities associated with it — is lifechanging. All of the current “mom friend” big sisters should also be given some recognition for being impromptu moms in their own right.

All families are different, and sometimes the mom niche is filled by a different kind of mom. Nannies, grandparents and adoptive moms should also be honored this Moms Weekend for putting in the same work required of a biological mom — and the mental toll that follows.

As a society, it’s imperative that we reject the notion that motherhood has a uniform “look,” and acknowledge that our mother figures are human beings who are allowed to make mistakes as they clock in for the hardest job in the world.