Alimantak Tomo III

Alimantak tomo iii

Alimantak Ang Opisyal na Kalipunan ng mga Akdang Pampanitikan ng University of Nueva Caceres Tomo III

Reserbado ang karapatang-ari sa mga indibidwal na awtor ng mga akda sa isyung ito. Hindi maaaring ilathala, ipakopya o ipamudmod sa anumang anyo ang mga akda nang walang pahintulot ng awtor.

Hindi maaaring ibenta sa kahit anong paraan at pagkakataon ang kopyang ito.

Karapatang-ari Š 2016

The DEMOCRAT Ang Malayang Pahayagan ng mga Mag-aaral ng University of Nueva Caceres

TANGGAPAN Right Wing, UNC Sports Palace KASAPI College Editors Guild of the Philippines (CEGP) Bicol Associaton of Campus Journalists (BASCAJ)

Ang mata ay siyang durungawan ng kaluluwa kung saan lahat ng nakikita ay mistulang mga larawang paulit-ulit na nagpapaalala ng mga nakaraan.

Kung minsan, ito’y nagsisilbing saksi sa mga hubad na katotohanang kalian man ay hindi maibabaon sa limot.

Ngunit, pinipilit nating isara ang mga bintanang ito upang pansamantalang malimutan ang sandaling kataksilan, kasinungalingan o lihim na hindi na dapat pang maungkat kalian man.

Ngunit, tila sirang-plakang paulit-ulit na sinisigaw ng maliliit na boses sa ating mga tenga ang mga bangungot ng kahapon.

Mga bulong sa hangin na nais pasukin ang mundo natin at lumabas sa ating mga kaluluwa.

Mga lihim na pilit nililigpit sa sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagtakip ng mga tenga upang hindi makalabas sa mga rehas ng bibig.

Subalit kung minsan, sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana. Sa mga ‘di inaasahang pagkakataon, nakakalaya ang mga sumpa sa ating mga bukana.

Na kahit anong pilit ibalik at kaining muli ang mga salitang binitawan ay hindi na muling mababawi pa. Kahit anong tikom ng bibig, sadya namang pumipiglas ang mga salitang nais ipabatid ang katotohanan sa nalulunod nang isipan.

Matapos ang paghihirap ng pagkukubli sa kasinungalingan at pagtatago ng katotohanan, muling sisibol ang Alimantak.

Muling haharap sa mga hamon ng buhay na susubok sa kakayahan ng mga sarili upang isiwalat ang mga natatanging lihim na nahihimlay sa ating mga isipan.

Sa bawat blangkong pahina na unti-unting napunan ng mga obrang hinugot sa ibat-ibang emosyon, mula sa mga malilikot at malikhaing isipan ng mga manunulat at dibuhista, layunin ng aklat na ito na patunayang walang lihim ang hindi nabubunyag.

Ikaw, ano’ng tinatago mo?

PAUNANG SALITA

iv / / A L M N T K

MGA NILALAMAN

02 Completely Incomplete Enchained Deviant 03 No More 06 Inside Mr. Pepper’s Mind Silhouette 07 Boxes 09 A Meeting 11 The Rain Sentiments [Which Are] Better Kept Secrets 12 A Jaunt’s Deceiver 16 A Letter 17 Winter is Coming 18 Love Behind the World of Pedagogy 19 Philophobia 20 My Sneaky Green Quirk 21 Ultimate Oxymoron 22 I’m No Longer His Princess Best of Both Worlds Fixated or Not 23 OCD* 24 Fantasy will not be a Reality

BRAIN

26 Aparador 27 Araw at Gabi Hindi Silahis 28 Gandang ‘Di Mo Inakala 29 Cellphone 30 Balatkayo BB Cream 31 Limang Puting Lobo at Liham 32 Dahil lang ba Lalaki Ako’t Babae Ka Kanyang Pakpak 33 Kung Paano ako naging Makata 34 Nanatiling Apat ang Anghel 36 ‘Di Naglaho Tabas Dila 37 Sensitibo Hindi Pa Naghihilom 38 Panaginip 39 Bakit Walang Sikyu?

40 Sangkap ng Makulay kong Love Story 42 Kanyang Punto

44 Pas[t]ko 45 Kaniguan Presidential Love Strawberry Cheesecake 46 Kita Sana An Istorya kan Pinto na Dae ko Mabukaan 47 Bubog nin Selos 48 Nagkakapa sa Diklom Rebound 49 An Paghahalat na Mawaraw an Peklat 50 An Tulang Daeng Kataposan

52 Goodbye Future Different Immortality Pain 53 Goodbye Future Different Immortality Pain 54 Rise of the Guardian Into the Woods Source of Life 55 Antabay 56 Gisado Tapon sa Buwan Sa Labas ng Masayang Lugar 57 Hikbi Lundag 58 Alinlangan Babad 59 Heredero Taya 60 Hiwalay Kakarampot 61 Lilipad Beterana

LADAWAN

ALIMANTAK

UTAK

AL MNT K / / v

Hindi isang bukas na libro ang buhay.

Nananatili itong sarado.

Isang sikreto.

Ang reyalidad ng buhay ay tiyak na mapaglaro, magulo, maingay, masaya, malungkot, mabuti, masama, nakakatakot, puno ng sakit, pait, gigil, tamis, sabik, lambing, tawa, ungol, diwa at pag-ibig.

Hindi isang bukas na libro ang buhay; isa itong nakasaradong aparador.

Labis na mahiwaga kung ano ang nasa loob.

Ang buhay ay may tinatagong sariling mundo at walang ibang nakakaalam kung saan may totoong ikaw.

Maligaya kahit na mag-isa.

Puno ng pagkukubli.

Ikaw at ako ay aparador.

Natatakpan ng makapal na alikabok.

Natatakot, nangangamba.

Huwag kang manatili sa sarili mong mundo.

Gumising ka.

Ang katotohanan–hindi ka nag-iisa.

Malaking lihim ang nakaukit sa aparador, hinabi ng ‘di mabilang na hamon, niluma ng panahon.

Ngunit, mas malaking hiwaga ang nasa labas nito.

Tuklasin mo.

TUNGKOL SA PABALAT

AL M N T K / / v i

BRAIN

Beautiful as a princess Special and elite Clothed in gold and fancy dress Bathed in expensive scent Yes, I’m rich and famous.

It’s my birthday today.

Everyone knows but no real friends to greet me.

I smell so nice but dad is too busy at work to compliment me.

I have new dresses but mom’s not around to help me choose.

I wear gold earrings, necklace and bracelet but they can’t outshine my sadness.

I’m special but my life is all screwed up.

I’m beautiful but deep inside falling apart.

COMPLETELY INCOMPLETE D.F.D

Things kept inside for who knows how long now, I guess it’s time to unleash this little clandestine of mine.

Refused to get hurt, yet pretended to be happy.

That’s my kind of days for these past few years.

When I’m with you, it feels like heaven, But when I’m not, my thoughts were far to discern.

You’re my safe haven, I told myself But at the same time, a cliff where I fell Chose to let go ‘cause I thought you’ll hold on Yet, I found my broken pieces on the floor.

Quite disruptive, quite absurd.

For this kind of sickness, I don’t know the cure.

I tried to find the way out of this labyrinth But the idea of you saving me keeps me enchained.

ENCHAINED Jane A. Bustamante

I am different.

I don’t usually go with the cool kids Yet I’m good at some things But they think I’m no brainer.

I am different.

Yes, I don’t get along with them.

I have my own world to think about That’s why they call me names.

I am different.

And I am not ashamed.

I don’t care about these social standards.

I live my life, just deal with it.

DEVIANT Astrophilé 02 // ALMNTK

NO MORE The OtherLostHerondale

K

ate was on a mission.

But it had not been part of her plan at all.

Tonight, she had expected a quiet night; curled up with a book on her nest of pillows, possibly with a cup of long overdue hot choco, too.

Sadly, the gods of quiet nights and relaxation seemed to find it amusing to destroy her evening.

She had not expected her best friend, Danica, to call—then start spewing out words too fast for Kate to make out.

Okay. That was a lie. She had, however, picked up the single thing that would always—despite everything else—make her agree to whatever Danica had been asking her to do.

Gavin.

Danica wanted Kate to go about looking for her brother in the middle of the night. She had not mentioned any specific reason as to why it was necessary to locate a teenage boy on the cusp of becoming a man in the middle of the night.

“Just go look for him please,” her best friend had begged. “You know where he lives. Just do me a favor and check on him. He hasn’t answered any of our calls tonight and we’re freaking close to losing our damn minds here.”

Though Kate had used every—well-meaning—method of extracting more informanion from her, she had not been able to.

All she’d told Kate was that today was an especially hard day for her brother and they’re worried sick about him; it was not like him ignore any of their calls one after the other unless something was wrong. Danica had sounded so desperate she’d agreed.

That was why she now found herself braving the rainy night out in the streets, on a quest to find a boy with the most abominable temper and the sharpest of tongues she had ever known.

However, she would be lying if she said that doing so was only because her dearest friend had asked her to.

No. She was not in any mood to lie.

For she, too was genuinely worried about Gavin. It was entirely possible she was doing this for selfish reasons.

She was in love with him after all.

And what a cliche’ it was to fall in love with your best friend’s older brother only to end up having an unrequited pursuit.

She had been crushing on Gavin since she first met him when she was ten and he twelve. She had been invited to Danica’s house for the first time and she had been immediately smitten with him.

She practically dragged Danica to follow him everywhere he went just so she could see him and not to be mistaken as the little-sister’screepy-friend.

Alas, her efforts had went largely ignored. She had been sure he was just too cool to hang out with her—then.

She had even enrolled in the same university as him, out here in the city, knowing that her best friend was going to attend the one in their hometown, not wanting to part with her parents.

Kate had hoped that maybe the time was night for him to notice her now that she wasn’t wearing her training bras anymore and was out of her ridiculous haircuts.

Imagine how disappointed she had been when he had finally noticed her! (But why would she be disappointed if that was the case, right?). Remember the excuses she had made when he hadn’t been interested in her before? Apparently, that had not been the case. Now, Kate wished that Gavin was really just too cool for him to grace her one of his very rare, and very sweet smiles; the likes of which bestowed upon only on the most deserving.

Because now she knew the real reason: he just disliked (possibly hated) her very much. Of that she was now certain.

If the scalding glances and cold stares he sent her way were not indications of that she did not know what else would be.

Such was the irony of life.

The sounds of scuffling and a cheering crowd snapped her out of memory lane. Good thing, too, because spacing out while walking was never a very good idea, especially when it was raining very hard at night. She checked her location and was relieved when she realized she only had a couple more hundred meters to walk to get to Gavin’s apartment. She hadn’t wanted to risk getting on a vehicle to commute to his place with all this rain. They were living about only a kilometer apart.

She was about to continue walking when the brawl taking place caught her attention again. It appears there was a fight going on in front of one renowned club. Not minding being drenched, a crowd of people cirlced two men Kate was sure were mercilessly slaughtering each other. This was not a friendly fistfight. Worse of all, nobody seemed inclined to stop them. And people were placing bets.

Not feeling good about it but having no choice, Kate was about to ignore the two obviously drunk men fighting (she had a more pressing concern at the moment) when one of the fighters—the one with the upper hand—drew her eyes back on the impromptu wrestling-slashdeath ring—and promptly caught her breath.

It was a boy. He was obviously tall even while trashing someone else, a lean athletic built, dark hair now cascading wet and way more disheveled than usual on his forehead; slightly covering his expressive eyes, and still—still— impeccably handsome even when his face was stained with blood.

“Gavin,” she said a little breathlessly.

Crap.

Kate suddenly felt panicky.

What was she supposed to do?!

She had to make him stop or he would surely kill that other guy!

How was she supposed to explain to Danica that her brother was convicted for murder?

AL MNT K / / 0 3

She could not—would not—let that happen.

And Gavin was also sustaining some heavy injuries himself. His opponent was larger than him so it standed to reason that although the other guy was already cowering, his hands shielding his face, Gavin had received some serious blows, too. But now he was returning it ten-fold.

And he was out for blood.

But before Kate could resort to foolish acts—say squeezing herself in the middle of the fight and shouting “STOP”—Gavin ceased his deathly blows and staggered back, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth with his hand—which was already swollen and raw.

It had gone quiet. The sounds of traffic and the torrent of rain were the only things that could be heard in those several moments.

He cracked his neck to one side and glowered at the man hunched before him. Then he spit blood on the concrete. He winced then ran his tongue on the cut on his lower lip.

Kate’s mouth felt like it was filled with sawdust.

Gavin’s face was a network of cuts and blooming bruises— already beginning to turn an ugly shade of purple, nearing black.

He had managed to avoid taking a direct hit in the eye for she detected no swelling there.

Kate felt terrible seeing him like this; hurt, angry, and whole lot of hateful.

Without a word, Gavin began to walk away, surprisingly steady, if a little unstable. But Kate could see that the effort to keep himslef upright was already strained as it was. He was drunk and had just gone through a fight.

The crowd parted for him; afraid and a little awestruck. He didn’t seem to notice.

Kate managed to collect her wits about her and followed him.

Without thinking, she took his arm and slung it across her shoulders then slipped her arm around his waist; holding the umbrella high above them with the other.

His wet clothes soaked through hers but she didn’t care, she had to get him home—safe.

Surprise flickered across his eyes upon seeing her, let alone what she had just done, but otherwise remained silent.

She could smell traces of strong alcohol on his shirt but the rain must have washed it away; making it less evident. Nevertheless, he still smelled good—peppermint, a faint smell of cologne, and Gavin.

She felt inappropriately giddy, considering.

“I’m going to help you home, ‘kay?” she said in a voice that was not really open for arguments.

04 // ALMNTK

He just grunted, obviously too dazed to muster a more coherent reply.

She took this as a cooperation.

As they walked the rest of the way to his apartment, Kate kept wondering what could have happened that made this day hard for Gavin. He was always so collected whenever she saw him at school that it had been a total shock to see him pummeling a person.

The guard got quite the shock when he saw the state of one of the building’s tenants but wisely kept his mouth shut. He let them in without a word and Kate felt extremely thankful that this building had an actual elevator—being that this was a place where wealthy people lived.

In front of his apartment door, Gavin slowly pried her arms away from him, freeing himself and staggered to the security key pad mounted on the wall beside his door. After punching in the code and hearing a faint beep he opened the door and tottered inside—leaving Kate behind.

Kate followed him inside.

After closing the door she found him on the couch, his head resting on his hands propped up on his knees. He looked utterly exhausted that Kate felt it like a physical ache inside her. He might hate her, but she still loved him—a feeling that never really went away no matter how many times she forced herself to move on.

But was it really called moving on if they had no good memories together to begin with?

“Do you want something to drink?”

He ignored her.

Sighing, she allowed herself to venture in his kitchen to fetch him a glass of cold water.

Slowly, she walked toward him and sat on her heels in front of him, offering him the glass. He glanced up at her impassively but took the glass from her hand and drank then placed the empty glass on the table beside his couch.

“Go home.”

She jumped at his clipped words. His voice sounded hoarse but still had that undercurrent of steel she was now familiar with—it was the voice he always used whenever he spoke to her, however rare.

Kate hated that tone.

But she decided to ignore it, as per his usual reponse to everything he didn’t like.

“We need to get you cleaned up,” she stood up and spied the door she suspected was his bathroom door down the hall.

Maybe he had first aid kit there...

Without waiting for his permission she flounced toward the door—thankful that she had been right; it was the bathroom. She rummaged through the cabinet on top of his sink and emerged triumphant with a white box with a red cross emblazoned on it.

When she returned in the living room, she found him still in the same position but the couch he’d been sitting on and the rug beneath his feet now soaked. She resumed to her earlier seat and opened the box.

“There’s no need for that. Go home,” he said tersely.

She eyed him warily then cleared her throat. “I need to get you fixed up. Besides, your sister sent me to look after you”—those had not been her words but he didn’t need to know that—“and you look like you really need it.”

He pushed himself off the couch

abruptly and moved away from her.

“I don’t need anybody looking after me. Especially you,” he snarled. “What the hell are you even doing here anyway?”

Kate stared at him wide-eyed. She already knew that she was going to end up hurt after this, like knowing the train was already coming but choosing to walk on the tracks anyway, but she didn’t care. Curse her weak heart.

“I...” her voice seemed to have left her. If only she could talk.

He dragged his hand through his hair, making it stick up every which way. It did nothing, however, to soften the harshness of his eyes when he whirled to look at her.

She flinched.

Gavin hesitated for a moment before his eyes turned hard again.

“What? You can’t follow a simple instruction now? And here I thought you were smart enough to know your place. I don’t need your help.” He started pacing. “I don’t want your help. I let you in my house and that’s it. Stop acting like I’m your damn responsiblity!”

Blinking back tears, she swallowed and said in a weak voice, “I know.”

She wished she could have stopped that pathetic sniffle from coming out.

He looked over at her

incredulously; irritation, along with something else she could not quite discern, evident in his eyes. His eyes darted away.

“Just leave,” he slumped on the couch and leaned his head on one hand and shut his eyes tightly. She was hurt but she noticed the change in his countenance— he was in pain, anguished, and angry...with himself.

It hurt her more to see him like that, so she got rid of all the thoughts of leaving him alone in his cold apartment despite his painful words to her a moment ago.

Now that she knew what he looked like when he was sad and miserable she could and would never hope to leave him alone.

After she had gathered enough courage she stood up, walked over to him still clutching the kit, and sat beside the most temperamental boy she had ever known.

Her heart was on a rampage.

She tilted her head to look at him. His eyes cracked open and glared at her through the slits. Not knowing how else to continue Kate offered him a tentative smile. She wasn’t sure it was even a smile. It felt like a grimace. God, she hoped not.

“I’m not leaving.” You’ve already ignored me for so long. I’ve had enough. No more.

He muttered something very unpleasant but Kate decided to ignore that, too. She was going to stick to her new mission.

She took his wrists and, very gently, forced him to face her. Surprisingly, if reluctantly, he obliged.

“You can’t keep pushing people away,” she let go of him and and took out the cotton balls and antiseptic. She put some on a cotton and lifted it to the cut on his corner lip. She paused and looked at him in the eye. His eyes were very hard to read on a normal day as it was, but now it looked like twin marbles; cold and hard. His brow was set and his mouth a very tense line. “And you’ve got to stop disregarding me.”

He quirked an eyebrow. She flushed but refused to back down. Not now. Not ever.

The damp cotton touched his lip and he winced.

She worked on cleaning his wounds and applying ointment to the bruises for several quiet minutes. She could have worked a little faster but she felt his eyes on her face the entire time. It felt like being exposed to the sun on a very hot day. She was fairly sure that her face was looking like it had been sunburned.

Finished with her ministrations, she tucked the kit back into its pristine state and was about to take it back

to its place when a tanned hand caught a tendril of her hair. She looked up at Gavin, her heart suddenly lodged in her throat.

He twirled her hair in his fingers while his eyes were staring at it a little dazed, as if not quite certain he was the one doing it. “Why are you doing this?” he asked in a soft voice.

“Huh?” “Why”—he tucked her hair behind her ear, she almost had a coronary—“are you taking care of me?

I’m pretty sure my sister is not the only thing pushing you to do this.”

Finding her voice, she croaked, “Because I want to.”

He searched her eyes for a breathless moment before exhaling. “I’m sorry, Kate.”

“For what?” Her brain still felt a little putty in her head. He remembers my name!

“For being rude to you.”

Kate laughed nervously. “Yeah. I don’t know what’s up with that.”

“I’m just being irrational.” He pulled back then and leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes.

Kate studied him for a minute before standing up.

Gavin caught her wrist. His eyes latched to hers.

“I thought you weren’t leaving?” He sounded like he was joking but Kate sensed that he was genuinely asking the question.

Kate could not suppress the smile from spreading across her lips. “I’m not,” she reached and pushed his hair back from his forehead, feeling ecstatic that he let her. In fact, she swore he even leaned to her touch. “I have to call your sister then make you dinner. You should eat something.”

His mouth quirked up at the corners. “You’re too kind. Considering. But...thank you.”

“Well, you better get used to it.” She said, holding his gaze.

Kate did not really know what was happening right at this moment. Was it a start of something wonderful? She didn’t know. But she was done letting chances pass by.

There was still the issue of today’s mysterious influence over Gavin but she decided not to push the matter today. But it was a forgone conclusion she would have her answer, one way or the other, in the long run. He wasn’t going to get rid of her anytime soon.

Thank God he didn’t have a girlfriend.

You know...yet.

AL MNT K / / 0 5

In a room where darkness embraces thy flesh, Where cool winds whistle in sorrowful rest.

You’ll see a silhouette standing at close In the window left freely open yet seems closed.

The moon is inviting thy silhouette out the room To fly as high, with its pale light brighten the darkest doom.

But thy chain of darkness will never let Thy silhouette out from sight of darkness’ pet.

Grey Grey eddies on every corner They gather specially on the ceiling Somewhere, bunch of grass are burnt Inhale Inhale Inhale Heaven Somewhere, inside, a happy place A couple of hours, or more And there, somewhere, I flew Higher Higher Higher Neon The walls are painted neon Every color imaginable Even non-imaginable Gazing Gaping Wondering Wandering Outside, the trees are small The grasses are tall Leaves are all kinds of blue The air’s in different hue Green Green are the leaves of plants they grew Water it every day so it won’t die Watch after it Take care of it Until the smell of its flowers Is the air that you breathe.

Sometimes everything’s in black and white Sometimes it’s in negative Those times were bleak and gloomy I often long for another golden day When my wall is an artist’s palette When the air is tangible you can cut through it Inhale Inhale Those times I don’t fall when I jump Those times I fly High oh so high When I fly I smile

INSIDE MR. PEPPER’S MIND Gregory Brian

0 6 / / AL M N T K

The tranquillity of the night vanished in flash All you hear are sobbing from the corner dusk No words are uttered from thy pouty flowery mug Those words where vague like a window smoked by fog Thy darkness will soon end its triumph, Thy chain will break and thy thirst will be quenched.

Thy silhouette will burst like bottle filled with holds Overflows to the river of truth where love unfolds.

Now that the darkness’ gone fade, Thy silhouette shall rise from grave, Go river and lost thy self in wave Of truth unveiled by love and fate.

SILHOUETTE Christine Mae I. Valencia

BOXES Babs

I

woke up in the middle of night, cold sweat running down my body. Looking around my dark room, I calmed my breathing. It’s just a dream. It’s just a dream. It’s almost a week since I’ve been having this same dream.

Or should I say nightmare. It was of this dark room. Two steel beds like the ones in hospitals. In my dream, I’m already screaming. Two people, wearing hospital scrubs, were holding me down, another one holding a syringe. I would always scream my head off and would wake up the same way. I don’t know that place nor do I recall having been there ever in my life. I actually haven’t been to a lot of hospitals; I wasn’t a sickly kid so my visits in the hospital are as few as rains on the desert.

After waking up from nightmare, I would have difficulty sleeping and I get bored staring around my dark room.

This time, I decided to go over my mother’s old things. It was three months now after her death and she left me some of her stuff and said specifically in her will not to throw it away. I haven’t opened some of the boxes except the one which I discovered contains some first edition books.

I opened one of the boxes which was labelled ‘2008’. It was the only one labelled with a number, actually, it was the only one labelled so as usual, my curiosity won over. Opening it, I found folders after folders with my name written on the covers. I don’t know whether it was excitement or nerves that pushed me to open one of it but before that, I already knew I wouldn’t like what’s inside.

St. Michael’s Institute for Children Summer of 2008 Patient’s name: Amanda___ Current condition: slightly unstable Medication: ____ Description: The patient characterizes having ‘silent’ episodes ranging from 4-6 days of not speaking to anyone. Whenever confronted by this behaviour, the patient would show aggression towards anyone who tries getting her out of this state. Some of the patient’s behaviour is a symptom of depression but observation still needed.

I stopped reading the paper, not quite believing that I’m awake. With hands shaking, I looked at the other papers with the headings all containing ‘St. Michael’s Institute for Children”.

Did my mother know this? Obviously. Why can’t I remember anything about this?

Beneath the box was pink leather book bearing the name My Diary written in a childish penmanship.

March 15, 2008 My mother says I’m depressed and that this is quite normal for a child after a parent’s separation. I’m not sad that daddy left. I don’t feel anything. I’m just hollow inside. Daddy leaving us was overshadowed by the other loss I’ve had this year.

I remembered the time when dad left. I was okay with it, I guess. I don’t remember much. Mother and I moved to a new house and we never saw my father again. I can’t even remember his face. She threw away all his photos, burnt some of it. She gave away all the gifts we received from him – her ring, my locket, the china set, books, and clothes, everything that he ever touched. It was like mom was purging dad out of our systems.

May 5, 2008 I refuse to talk to my mother. No, she refused to listen so I just stopped trying to tell her. She said I just have to overcome the loss of my father. The truth is, I’m over it. I’m actually happy that he’s gone. Without him, I’m free.

I frowned upon reading this. You see, I’m the kind of girl that calls her mom her best friend. There wasn’t a day in my life that I didn’t talk to her may it be about a crush, or some petty quarrel at school, how I feel, or any random things in my life. Mom was never busy for me, she always have time to listen and give some advice.

September 2007 I want to tell mom. But I know dad would be really furious. And besides, he always tell me not to speak about any of it with mom.

July 2007 It hurts a lot. I didn’t know that dad would do this to me or to mom.

AL MNT K / / 0 7

November 2007 He came again last night. I can’t do anything but stay still. I can’t scream, I can’t even breathe. It just hurts.

December 2007 He buys me a lot of things. To mom’s eyes I was being spoiled by my dad. To him, it’s atonement. To me, it was a farce.

I shut the diary close. I feel bile rising in my throat upon seeing those words. Did I really write this? Why would my mother keep this from me and why don’t I remember it. My breathing gets heavier; the walls feel like they’re closing in on me. I ran from that room and open a drawer. Throwing aside the things I kept there, I look for the envelope my mother has written for me.

My mother wrote on the envelope: Open this when the nightmares come. When I found it, I opened it hastily, my eyes now covered with tears.

Mandy, I’m sorry I’m not a good mother to you. I tried my hardest but I guess I’m just too late for that. I’m sorry for a lot of things but I’m not sorry for wiping your memory. It’s the best gift I have ever given you, darling.

After that horrific event of your life, your father left us. I thought you just miss him that’s why you’re always keeping yourself in your room. I was so busy with my work and the separation so I wasn’t always there at that time. A few weeks later, you stopped talking.

And I deemed it wise that you see a doctor immediately. Your situation got worse so the doctor said you should be put under observation in their institution. I was a little reluctant about that but I was persuaded after you stopped eating. While you’re inside the hospital, I looked for your father. I wanted to kill him, to rip him into pieces. I was so furious. But later I realized I was really angry at myself for not noticing, for being a negligent mother.

But I cannot find him. He disappeared from the face of the earth.

At that time, the psychiatric community is experimenting on something about selective memory loss. It would use hypnosis to erase some part of a person’s memory and replace it with a new one.

I know after your medication you wouldn’t be the same ever again. You’ll definitely resent me and I can’t bear that. I cannot lose my child.

That’s when I decided to let the doctors perform their experiment on you. Your memory’s been replaced by a new one. Those memories can only be viewed upon in the form of dreams but aside from that, nada. I’m not proud of what I did but I will do it a hundred times over just to save you.

I hope one day you’ll forgive me and understand why I did what I did.

Yours always, Mother Loud cries are now escaping my lips as I read the letter from my mother. Why do I have to know all of these? Where do I go from here? I’m suddenly so furious with my mother, but not because she kept this from me but because she’s dead. How can I confront the dead? I’m happy with my life as it is and damn her for having to tell me this. Didn’t she know that some things are better left unknown?

08 // ALMNTK

A MEETING Precious Kacy D. Faraon

M

erry voices and laughter filled the four corners af a tavern, typical for a Friday night. The place was frequented by all sorts of patrons in search of comfort and a good time and what is not to like about this place?

Although people usually did not mind each others’ business, they could not help but cast sidelong glances at the lone, orderly man occupying a booth in one corner.

He was nursing a pint of Guiness— already half-way through—and a ghost of a smile playing across his lips, as though he was constantly amused by everything.

But there was something about him they could not quite pinpoint.

Was it the crisp and immaculate suit? The lacquered cane sporting a golden handgrip propped against the wall? The knowledge in those warm, albeit very ancient, eyes?

No one could really say. Best to mind their own business.

The tinkling of chimes reverberated through the tavern, announcing the arrival of another comfort seeker—or so they assumed.

The new arrival was a young man, perhaps in his early twenties, and was decked clothing befitting a bachelor of his age: dark jeans, combat boots, and leather jacket.

His dark hair was going every which way, his ears were pierced and around his neck was an ornate pendant; of which the significance had long been forgotten. But the young man knew.

And so did the orderly old man.

Their eyes met across the room and the young man’s amber colored eyes flashed like a fire waiting to consume before returning to its usual sardonic glint.

The elder of the two motioned for the seat across from him with his glass, an invitation, and not one to pass up this rare occasion, the young man moved through the sea of patrons, with several eyes following him. He was quite attractive.

“Fancy meeting you here,” the young man said as a greeting,

dragging the proffered chair and plopping himself down. “I thought you were always busy. Managing this pathetic world you’ve created.”

The two of them together made for quite a sight. Not so much because of the vast difference of their clothing but of their vibe. Like opposite charges rubbing against each other but nowhere near magnetic.

His companion barely reacted to this, instead gently placing his drink on the table and inclined his head. “Lucifer.”

Lucifer sneered. “Save the politeness, old man. You and I know I’m the last person who’d want that. Especially from you.”

But then again, Lucifer thought, what did I expect?

The old man was a picture of serenity, reflecting the realms of which Lucifer once considered his home. And though it was a long, long time ago, one could never forget the glorious hum and warmth of Heaven.

The source of all that was good and right.

And Lucifer’s loathing.

“Respect should always be given, I dare say, to everyone. It’s just a degree of how it is received, ergo misinterpreting intentions.” The old man replied, staring Lucifer staright in the eye. That unnerved Lucifer.

He didn’t like feeling like a child under those eyes.

“Bah! You and your words.” He said, rather petulantly. “Ergo? Who uses that in this generation?”

“It’s a beautiful word. It should be oused regulary, if you ask me.”

“No one’s asking you!” Lucifer snapped.

The other smiled faintly. “Temper, temper.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes before taking a deep breath. He knew his eyes were flashing like kindling flames and he had to calm down, though he would love nothing more than wreaking havoc. But, sadly, his companion could—and would—prevent that way before it could get started.

Finally a waitress arrived. Lucifer thought he had to burn down the place so he could get a drink. He needed something strong if he could hope to survive this little meeting. What had he been thinking, sitting down in front of this old man, having a conversation?

The waitress asked for his order, batting her eyelashes in the process.

He smirked, used to this type of response. He decided to ignore the girl; he didn’t have the energy to flirt.

“Bourbon. Three fingers.”

His companion asked for a small plate of olives.

After sending another flirtatious advance in Lucifer’s direction, and was again ignored, the waitress went to fulfill his order.

After a moment, Lucifer decided to break the silence.

“So,” he began, propping his arm across the back of his seat and stretching his legs, “what brings you to the mortal realm?”

He studied the old man’s assumed appearance. No one really knew what He looked like, and through the ages, whenever they had come across each other (Lucifer thought it was intentional on the other’s part), He had always looked different. A few times disguising himself as a woman. He could also appear at several places at once, taking on different disguises.

Lucifer could change his appearance, too, if he chose. But he liked what he looked like now; what was to change?

No one spoke, for the waitress had now returned with their order, this time not bothering to repeat the earlier attempt save for one wistful glance before moving along.

The metaphysical being posing as a genteel old man smiled warmly.

“Just, ah, checking things out.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes.

The old man’s dark eyes glinted with amusement as He looked at the younger one. “How are you, Lucifer?” He asked before popping an olive AL MNT K / / 0 9

to his mouth.

Lucifer drank, relishing the burn. “Me? I’m fine. Feeling great even. Nothing like watching your precious humans destroy themselves, which goes to prove that their creaton was an astronomical mistake.” He paused, his lip curling up in distaste.

“At this rate the world you lovingly made will be destroyed within the next hundred years, give or take.” He said, feeling pleased with himself for pointing this out.

“Hmm, indeed.”

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

He hated to admit this, but His response threw him. It would shock anyone to know that God agreed to something so cynical.

“I said indeed,” He repeated, positively enjoying himself.

“You’re quite right.”

Lucifer said nothing.

The old man chuckled, His eyes crinkling at the corners.

Now he was sure that God was making fun of him, making him feel stupid.

He didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“Why have you come to see me?” he asked, cutting to the chase.

“Now, why would you think I have come to see you?” Another olive popped and chewed.

Lucifer growled, startling a man seated next to them. “I am not in the mood for any of your games, old man.”

The temperature inside the tavern increased and several people started wiping sweat off their faces, complaining. None of them attributing this to the seething young man across a serene looking old man.

Unfazed, the old man’s lips tipped up at the corner and the room’s temperature returned to normal with an extra breeze coming from nowhere to cool the people off. Again, none of the patrons knew what had happened and continued to their own merriments.

“Now, now, Lucifer. There’s no need for that. I simply want to know how you’ve been faring since the last time we saw each other.

The last few centuries have been quite vexing.” He said gently.

His nostrils flared with the effort to keep his power in check, seeking release. When Lucifer deemed it safe to talk without losing it he said, “And what? You want to know if I’ve somehow influenced Your beloved humans into doing these—these things that vex You so? Is that what this is about?” Lucifer scoffed, ignoring the twinge of disappointment upon his realization.

How stupid of him to think that He still cared about him.

The old man sighed heavily, looking at him with great sadness.

“Don’t” Lucifer bit out. “look at me like I’m the disappoinment here. Because if my memory serves me right You were the one who created these pathetic creatures, You were the one who gave them free will. Now they’re strutting around, abusive and destrtuctive, and whose fault is that?

“And us? Your warriors who had always done as You had told, what happened to us? We only wanted what You have given to these humans—free will. And what have You given us? Eternal damnation. Stripped of our wings and glory, dumped in the pits of Hell and for what? To protect these humans running around thinking they own this world? If it were up to me not a single speck of human flesh should ever contaminate this planet. Admit it; if you had just given us what we had wanted then—” “See, that is just it,” He interrupted, and now there was the undercurrent of a wealth of power in his words and everything came to a standstill, unnoticed by the common. “I may have not given you free will but you acquired it on your own and now look at what you have become...” A sigh. “I need not say more.”

It was a terrible feeling really. Chided by the most powerful being known and unknown. Though Lucifer knew that if he started causing disaster here and now and that God cannot interfere as easily, there was something that prevented him from doing so.

Not being able to do anyhting, he clenched his jaw and looked away, fully aware of what this meant for him. His fists started steaming on his lap.

He reached for his tumbler and tossed the dark liquid down his throat and placed it back down rather heavily.

“Are you done with your little temper tantrum?”

His head swivelled sharply at the words and he glared at the old man, looking as though He hadn’t made the world go still a few moments ago and was enjoying another olive.

“Whatever.”

“Still like a child, I see.”

“Just go finish your olives so you can leave already. I want some 10 / / AL M N T K

peace of mind and I’m not going to get any with you around.” Respect be damned.

“I’m always around.”

Lucifer closed his eyes and pressed his lips into a hard line. The irony was he found himself praying for patience.

He heard another chuckle full of mirth.

Another look full of contempt was his response.

They remained silent for several minutes, the old man indeed enjoying his olives while Lucifer sulked—yes, sulked—on his chair.

He couldn’t suppress his memories, no matter how long the time had passed from resurfacing. Somehow, he could still feel the hurt (that had been the first time he encountered such an emotion) over losing his place as God’s most valued angel, the burn of losing his wings and the sudden sensation of the rug being pulled from beneath his feet, literally. The nine-day limbo where all he and his brethren had done was to stew in the bitterness of the feeling of betrayal, slowly turning it into the unfathomable hate that they possess ‘til this day— not just for God and the angels who refused to see his cause, but for the whole human race as well.

That is why he wanted humans to be destroyed. And after that, taking over everything else.

But he could not act upon it, no. Not yet. He must tip the scales first in their favor.

As if knowing what he was thinking about, the old man in front of him levelled him

with a stare, His expression unreadable.

Lucifer flexed his shoulders, suddenly aware of the nasty wing scars his shirt covered.

Was it him or were his scars felt a little tingly? The bad kind of tingles.

“Would you like me to call the waitress?

Get you another drink? You look like you need it.”

Lucifer scowled. “No.” “Olives?”

“No.” “Dumplings?”

“What?”

“I was just looking for what you might want.”

He exhaled. “And they have dumplings here, say, if I want it?”

“I’m sure that could be arranged.”

“Are you messing with me?”

The old man smiled at him warmly. “I would never dare.”

He opened his mouth—to say what he didn’t know but never had the chance as the old man was already putting on his porkpie hat, a sign that their little not-so-impomptu reunion had come to an end. Understandable since, unlike him, He could not push the limits of what His presence might do to the mortal realm, even somewhat muted due to his human guise.

“I trust that when I leave, you will not do anything that upsets the balance?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Have a little faith,” he said acidly.

He might be sorely tempted to do so as he wished, but even he was not that reckless.

“I never did ask you,” his companion began unexpectedly.

Lucifer eyed Him warily. “This is off the record, and I am just truly curious. How have you been since?”

Lucifer did not need any further clarification. He knew what He was asking.

“If you must know,” he leaned forward, folding his arms on top of the table, smirking, “I prefer ruling Hell than serving You. I’ve done both.”

The old man nodded, as though satisfied with his answer and not at all deterred. “Well, I best be off then.”

He stood up fluidly, his hand closing around the golden handle of his cane and somehow paper bills just appeared beside His empty tumbler.

Lucifer didn’t bother standing up.

“Until then, child.” He smiled when Lucifer snarled at the word. “Humans are lovely and fascinating creatures. If could you just open your eyes, you’ll see they are not so terrible.” And just like that, He was gone.

We’ll see, old man, he thought. We’ll see.

It was summer last May way back then, But the weather oppose the summer I am at the door waiting for them Then suddenly there is a girl under the rain It was still raining, my friends are waiting, As I entered the room, I saw familiar face, remembering the girl in the rain Feeling stunned by her It was still raining; you and I became good friends But the thing is my feelings were growing Like a flower in the garden That blooms when it’s watered by the rain It was still raining, I felt afraid That you might know my feelings Afraid of what may happen, So I am just hidden I am still here under the rain Watching you from a distance Hidden in a place where I can hide my true feelings The feelings that bloom like a flower in the garden Upon not showing to you, You find someone that can be true Now I am still standing in the rain watching you two My eyes full of tears, Knowing that these feelings cannot be equated.

THE RAIN Sharleen B. Romanillos

You promised me ocean but all I get is a glass of water, You promised me all that’s sweet but all I get are all that’s bitter.

You promised me the sun but all I get is a goblet of fire, You promised me everything but none was realized of all that I desire.

You’ve shown me the beatings of heart of gall; And the sadness behind the face that’s dull, And the tremors of the rupturing mandible; Worst was the eyes which will almost tremble.

All of these sites but none of those were seen, All of these speeches but none of those were spoken.

All of these hearsays but none of those were heard.

All of these hopes but none of those succeeded.

These sentiments were never a secret for me no, And never a new story for many of our foe.

These sentiments were never a parody or satire, And weren’t just mine but for the country- whole and entire.

SENTIMENTS [WHICH ARE] BETTER KEPT SECRETS Cristia Shiena S. Amparo AL MNT K / / 1 1

A JAUNT’S DECEIVER Catherine Bena T. Ollete

I

n my room with these two bothersome, but attractive lasses, spending time on my bed while watching cartoons on a Saturday noon…

"Ah, I miss our buddies! How I wish I can have our family trip, as well," Caitlin said with a pouting manner.

"At least, we're havin' a good time here," I just smiled as I uttered, while my eyes are still busy on searching online for plug-ins for my dj mixes.

"Yeah, well, havin' a good time bangin' chicks!

THAT'S what you're good at, Louis," Shane suddenly whispered.

"What?! Arghh!"

The two girls just laughed at me. How cruel!

Oh well, that’s the reason why I’m considered as the ultimate playboy of our 5-piece music group.

And, when I’m just with these two, we're collectively known as The Players, me as the leader and the # 1 heartbreaker, Cait as the talented and everyone’s baby, and Shane as the androgynous and every girl’s dream lover.

"Ok. You, two, ain’t helpin’. I think you may want to go out for a walk or something. You may do so now. Unless, you want me to put jizz in your mouth, ey."

Shane rolled her eyes on me and said, "Oh! Even if I’d stay, I won’t let that happen." She smirked.

Then, I lustfully looked at Cait. But, "Na-uh.

Though I like bitter juice ‘coz it’s healthy for me, I don’t think my day would get better if I’d have that again in my life. We’re outta here," then, she winked.

Cait’s firm words filled the room.

They’re such bullies.

"By the way, if you happen to chat with the three, just say hello to them for me and don’t forget about the souvenirs," Cait hurriedly added before shutting the door.

It’s been a while since I did get to talk to them so I decided to have a video chat for a moment. Luckily, they were all online. Chase was in San Francisco with his family, while Riona and Aaron were together, with Aaron's siblings in Paris.

"Hey guys! What's up?" I excitingly asked.

"We're all good here, man!" Chase answered.

"Same here," Riona and Aaron responded as well.

"When are you all coming back?"

"Why? Do you miss us that much?" Aaron grinned as he asked.

"You know me, not that much. As long as there are women to touch, always better," I calmly replied.

"Once a perv, always a perv!" Riona exclaimed.

I disagree about me being a pervert. "It's sexuality, Riona. I guess I just have to live that."

"If you say so, Mr. Promiscuous...," she then winked. How irritating could this go!

"How's Caitlin?" Chase interestingly asked.

"Well, she misses you... all... Don't forget about the souvenirs. Ahm, you know, just give her some chocolates. She'd love food," I happily answered.

12 / / A L M N T K

"Just say 'I love you' for me. I miss her, too," Chase added and smiled.

"Ehem! Well, I love her more," Riona expressed as she raised her brow as a response to her rival in Cait's heart.

"And, I love her most," I pushed for that fact.

I'm glad that it seems normal now for all of us.

Even Aaron doesn't get too jealous anymore. He knows that loving Riona means rivaling his bestfriend Cait. To me, Chase, and Riona, winning Cait's heart means competing with the members. So, we kinda know how to handle everything.

"Haha! Anyway, your sister was here yesterday.

She damn hot, man! But, she ain't alone. She was with this sexy girl. Andrea wants you to get to know her friend," Aaron tried to seduce my mind.

"At least, you won't have to spend your time on your sis' bed, no more," Riona sarcastically uttered.

"Stop the crap, Ri." "But, seriously, get to know her. She's absolutely your type," she said.

"What's her name, then?" I calmly asked.

"Jan Joy Soohyun... Hahaha!"

"Right, very funny," I irritatingly said.

"How's Soohyun & Cait by the way," Chase asked.

"They're probably over. Cait was with Patty last night. So..."

Chase and Riona look furiously jealous. Soohyun is Cait’s ex-girlfriend, while Patty is both Cait’s and Riona’s former sweetheart.

To break the tension, Aaron just uttered Andrea’s friend's name. She's Zemaiah Jaezen. What a unique godly name! Then, after a few more talk, we called it a day.

I searched for my sister's account this time to learn something from her special friend. She was actually in Paris to visit grandma.

"Woah! What you got, man?!" Shane appeared on my screen.

"Nothing yet. I was searching on my sis' girl friend. They said Andrea wants to introduce her to me."

"I bet she's gorgeous," Shane said as she kissed her another girlfriend-for-the-day.

"She has to be."

Before it got to be so raunchy, I logged out of the chat. "Jeez, I ain't after porn, Shane...," I whispered to myself.

After a while of searching, I had no gathered info about her. So disappointing…

Fortunately, my sis called on the phone.

In her usual seductive voice, "Guess my younger brother's bored... So, ..."

Even before she finished her talking, I interrupted in my usual cold manner, "Who's the girl?"

"A challenging tone huh... So, your pals have told you. She's a sweet and wholesome girl. I'm sure you'll love her. I’ll make all of my account friends visible to you so you can search for her. If you consider yourself

a player, you must know your deal,” my sis told me and showed me the picture. What a pain!

It took me an hour to finally find her.

Her account name is… Lily Nuriko? Is that a character’s name or what? I thought her name is Zemaiah Jaezen. Anyway, she’s so sexy and totally hot. I was literally drooling.

I tried to reach her. So, I spent one more hour, waiting. While searching for more pictures of her, I was like… already eager to touch her. I kept rubbin’ until I got to the climax. Right after I finished, Cait suddenly entered my room.

“WHAT THE HELL? Don’t you even know how to knock first?!” I quickly organized myself as she came in without permission.

With a straight face, she turned and said, “Whatever, baloney bopper!”

I got irritated and really charged, so I came close to her, yet... “Sex ain’t what I’m lookin’ for right now,” she stopped me and seductively whispered in my ear.

I hushed her and insisted because I know her weakness. So, I grabbed her waist as she turned her back. I carefully unbuttoned her pants. She just smirked but didn’t resist.

As I was moving my hand and letting it in, Soohyun unexpectedly came in. WTF!!!

Smiling, Caitlin zipped her pants and turned around to face me like I was played.

“What are you doing to my girlfriend?”

Soohyun irately asked me. I was speechless.

“Never mind. Anyway, I came here to ask you whether you’re gonna spin later or not.

Patty spoke to me about your duo thing,” Cait changed the topic as she chuckled.

“Yeah, I am,” I disappointingly answered. “Good!” she goofily added.

I, then, rolled my eyes. I was clearly getting played. Only Cait can pull it off perfectly on me.

She went out, while Soohyun gave me her threatening look.

I went back to my laptop to see whether Lily/Zemaiah, whatever you call her, replied or not. She did! I got excited. She knows me. I praised her looks. Unfortunately, I was 10 minutes too late to reply. But, at least, I already got it. I just happily took a nap after that to prepare before dusk for my gig late in the evening.

At the venue Patty was talking about, there were a lot of people, certified partygoers, mostly teenagers. At the backstage, the girls were there except for Caitlin.

“Recording sessions,” Shane told me when I asked where Cait is.

“She’s such a workaholic.”

After an hour of waiting, Patty and I were getting ready for the set at midnight.

Soohyun was there as our assistant.

She suddenly shouted, “OMG! She’s so beautiful!”

“Who?” Patty and I immediately rushed to her to see who the girl is.

“I don’t personally know her but Cait sent a message that this girl’s in the venue, so I searched for her on the internet and found this out. Damn baby!” Soohyun said.

“We gotta know her!” Patty exclaimed.

Why am I here rivalling these bisexuals and lesbians? So annoying…

Our set was next, then we saw Shane with this beautiful woman. Guess who? She’s the girl!

AL MNT K / / 1 3

We went on for our set not getting a closer glimpse of the two. Shane’s the antagonist of the story, I tell you!

When we finished, they were now at the right side of the backstage. There the girl was! An irritating part happened when Shane kissed her in front of us and she just smirked after.

Still, I kept my cool and my eye on the girl. Shane introduced her to me. She’s Cherie. She was tall. She’s a model, actually. Her beauty can match Riona’s or even model Cara. I was clearly interested into getting to know her. Fortunately, Shane knows me. She didn’t mind.

I offered drinks. We were havin’ a good time, jammin’. It was like 420 in the air because of the smoke. Good thing, it was all just tobacco. Then, when the beat dropped, we all danced like crazy.

I simply got that opportunity to have my play on Cherie. But she stopped me.

“I’m sorry, Louis. I have nothing for guys. Besides, I’m with Shane. No,” she said.

Hell no!!! Why is Shane so good with girls like this?! I ain’t used to having no play on a Saturday evening! I was frustrated for she was already the best catch that night. I couldn’t do anything but to sit down, drink, and smoke. This was an awful night.

Then all of a sudden, “Hi handsome,” a woman sat beside me and whispered. I looked at her. She was curvy and daring. And, of course, for me, when an opportunity knocks, I always grab it. So, I got it on with her. We went to the back room and locked the door. We proceeded with a quickie that lasted five before going out. After that, I just said, “Thanks. You may go now.”

She raised her brow. I raised mine, too. In disappointment, she just left the room with a frown.

I ain’t sorry because that’s just me after every intercourse, except when it comes to Cait.

Anyway, I remembered my sister’s girl friend. I had to search for her again. She replied to my message that afternoon. She thanked me and looked forward to meeting me on Monday. They would travel on Sunday morning. By the way, she wanted me to call her Lily, basically because it’s easier to say and spell.

Yes! At least, I’d be seeing her soon.

When I got to my house, before I went to bed, I noticed that she’s online!

“Hey! Are you there? Can we have a video chat? I wanna see you,” I said.

In less than a minute, she accepted. I was more than amazed. She has the looks of Cleopatra.

“Hi,” she said as she smiled. Her smile is perfect.

“Wow, you’re pretty!” I uttered in a soft manner. I was starstrucked. I didn’t know what to say anymore.

She just looked happy. She’s like a gift from heaven. I was having a feeling like I wanted to marry her right away.

We then talked about her. I was already courting her that moment. We were like a sweet couple in a long distance relationship. I even considered settling with her soon.

Then, sensual topics were discussed. I could see she’s getting hot.

“We can do that here if you’re game about it,” I offered.

“Ahm, I don’t know. I’m not used to that kind of thing,” she said.

“Tsk. My wood is even as hard as the tree trunk outside my house.”

Unfortunately, my sister appeared in her room.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THERE, SIS?!”

“Stop torturing Zemaiah! Can you even control your urge?!” My sister scolded me. “Turn that off, girl.”

My sister was a bit controlling. She’s unpredictable. Or maybe, she was just jealous. She’s even more of a player than what I am.

14 / / AL M N T K

“See you on Monday. Sorry,” Lily sent me after she logged out of the chat.

Oh well, I had to wait. At least, I felt like I found my forever.

I prepared for her until she arrived with my sister.

On Monday morning, I finally saw her in person.

I did say this would be my future wife. Her fair skin caught my attention. It was so smooth and lovely to look at. Plus, she’s a woman with grace. She’s undeniably a gift.

From then, I was like a normal good guy. I never wanted to see any other girl anymore but her. I was her gentleman. We went on for days like I was his supportive and caring boyfriend.

After a day or two, I was having my craving.

So later that night, I asked her if she could have a moment with me in my room. Initially, it was a romantic movie date in my mini theatre. My set-up was an ideal room of most couples out there. I even prepared some snacks though I know it wouldn’t be needed yet until we’re done and tired.

I just stared at her as she watched the film. She looked back and asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You’re so beautiful. I just want you to be my girl.”

We were both speechless after. Then, I kissed her.

She didn’t react, so I kissed her again, passionately this time. It was real. I’ve been looking for that kind of feeling since I broke up with Cait. It was not later that I tried to undress her. We were having our moment and it was like the best feeling, until Shane barged in.

“WHY ARE YOU ALL RUINING MY MOMENT?!?” I shouted as I covered Lily.

“Ahm… Lily’s been waiting for a call from her friends. So, I have to… Sorry,” Shane timidly uttered.

“Yeah! But, why can’t you just knock first?! What is wrong with you people?!” I furiously asked while Lily dressed herself, kissed me, and left.

With so much frustration, I just locked the door and slept in the room.

The morning later, Lily prepared breakfast for me. She was sorry what had happened that night.

Because of her charm and amazing cooking skills, I disregarded my disappointments. C’mon! Look at the brighter side. Lily was always there for me.

Several days passed, she became my girlfriend.

And, I truly waited for that moment to finally have her.

I even asked her to take a shower with me.

“No!” she cried.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to,” she said.

“But why? We’re a couple now. I think it’s just normal.”

“Nothing is normal until you fully accept a person,” she expressed.

What did she mean by that? Was she talkin’ about marriage?

That day, Nu Sigma Rho sorority, a sub-branch of our The Players and The Exes Management together with Caitlin, visited. My sister is the honorary member, alongside Cait. That’s why they were all present in our house.

I was surprised that Lily could get along with them like that so easily, considering the sorority members are wild in nature. Guess, I just have to accept girls as they are.

At night, they were still there. I called for Lily. I was kind of drowsy already. She agreed to sleep beside me on my bed.

I hugged her. After a while, I felt my urge again. I knew it would finally happen.

The room was dark. We were already burning for each other. We were fervently kissing. And because I was feeling so tired, I preferred to have a quickie.

She tried to stop me when I began unclothing her.

I didn’t halt a second for I was really wanting. Until, I felt that something was wrong. It was gloomy, so

I just continued to feel it. There was something hard and… long… that met my manhood under the blanket. I stopped kissing her and immediately switch on the lights.

I was devastated and shocked by what I saw. I unconsciously cried because of it.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!?” I asked her.

“I’ve fallen in love with you and I don’t want to lose you,” she answered while crying as well.

I quickly put on my clothes and went out leaving her in my room. I went to see my sister. I was so mad that I wanted to hurt everybody in the house.

“We need to talk… in private,” I commanded Andrea, calmly as I should be while the sorority members were still there in the living area.

“Leave us alone for a while,” my sister told the members. I was kind of questioning why Cait and Shane were still there. But, I didn’t mind. The three of them were acting weird. I had the worse feeling.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me she’s a trans?!? She’s a shemale!!!” I burst into tears as I uttered everything.

“Then, why are you crying?” Caitlin asked while putting on her evil smile.

“Do you know anything about this? TELL ME! DO YOU?” I asked her.

They just leaned on the couch, so I supposed it’s true.

“Your sister knows everything, as well,” Shane said.

“Now, tell me. Why are you crying?” Caitlin once again asked.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU, THREE? You clearly played on me! This is so bad. I’ve fallen in love with her!” I revealed.

“Secrets are bad, right? And, so as heartbreak,” my sister expressed.

“Sometimes, we just wanna teach you a lesson.

We want you to value anybody. I haven’t really seen you so sincere with any of your relationships in your whole life. I think there is a need for an occasional test. Don’t reason out that it’s because of me. For, at the end of the day, we have to live according to what is good for everybody,” Caitlin explained.

“Now, if you tell us you love her, can you accept her reality? We’re sorry for using her to catch your attention. Haven’t you noticed how much you’ve become as a gentleman, even for a short period of time?” she added.

With a firm stand, I said, “I can’t continue to love a person who deceives me like that. It’s hard, but I have to forget.”

“I’m sorry, Louis,” Lily said as she came to kiss me one last time before she left… in tears.

I took my last glimpse of her. The last tear fell from my eye. Then, I faced the three again, “We’re all alike. Don’t you forget about that.” Afterwards, I went back to my room while hearing them say…

“I was deceived before. It really hurt,” Shane told Cait and Andrea.

“Once a player, always a player,” my sister uttered.

Caitlin expressed, “Searchin’… We haven’t really eaten good for we’re always trapped inside a little corvette.”

From that moment, I was blank, just crying. I don’t wanna be fooled, most especially by people who are just like me. The worst feeling is being deceived by your present and your past. Just like Shane, this is why I hate relationships.

I took my last look of Lily on the net.

“Zemaiah Jaezen is a ‘gift of God’. But I don’t think I can be the perfect gift for him. I love you, Louis,” I read from Lily’s post two days ago.

She clearly knew the plan. I whimpered more.

Thanks anyway for being my jaunt’s deceiver.

AL MNT K / / 1 5

440 Albert St. Ottawa, ON KIR 5B5 April 30, 2016 Dearest Mom, How are you? How’s everything doing there at home? First of all, I want to say thank you. I know I have never been the perfect daughter you ever had but, I hope you know I tried to be better. I know there were times you felt like walking through the gates of hell trying to raise me. After dad left us, I saw how your blooming spirit gradually wilted. I know I could have made several decent choices in my life to make yours a little lighter, but we know how sometimes the situation won’t permit. I guess things really have their own places to fall unto. I never thought that I could have made it this far. I never could have without your help.

Come May 30th, exactly one month from now, I know that things will be a lot different; my life will never be the same. It will probably be the best night of my life knowing that I made it. We are all looking forward to leave high school because at long last, we will meet its ending. But, Mom, little did I know that it’s not the end when clearly it’s just the beginning.

For eighteen years I have been in a series of training myself.

Of course with your guidance but when high school came, it was the most difficult time for me to live in a new place, with new faces, and without you there every day I wake up. I learned how to be independent, somehow. I learned to stand every time I fall, and I brush myself up, face what lies ahead, and do things on my own. And that’s the scary part. Doing everything on my own.

On the night of my graduation, I’m sure it will hold many tears. You will probably have more than what you’ve cried now while reading this letter. I really can’t believe how close graduation is. I’m really excited to start my life. I’m planning to go back home and wait for the right time before I enter college.

I’ll probably look for a job to at least make some money for a living. I don’t want to always depend on your financial support because I want to prove you that I can do this on my own. I hope so. I may not know what I am doing right now or not really sure of what I’ve done but I’ll try to fix myself. I’ll try to swim up even if right now I’m drowning.

Mom, I write you this letter because I don’t exactly know how to tell you this and I might not be able to speak up over the phone. You can call me after you read this; you can tell me everything running in your mind but I want you to know, I’m pursuing this. I am a little scared of what is going to come but I know I have to be strong. I don’t really know where this letter is going. I’m a little mess right now, but mom, besides graduation, I just really want to say sorry. I’m sorry because I wasn’t thinking.

He was never really there for me. He left me just like what dad did to us. Mom, I’m pregnant. I’ll pursue this. But, I don’t know what to do, Mom. Please help me.

Love, Gracey

16 / / AL M N T K

When winter comes You’ll hear no lions roar No stags grazing the fields No roses growing in the meadows No snakes in the sand

The sun will cease to warm the land The krakens will freeze where they swim The flayed men will rot and wither No trout’s swimming in the river No falcons flying in the air Not even the dragon’s breath will warm you in your halls Only the wolves will howl in the night Brace yourselves, winter is coming.

WINTER IS COMING Ed Oliver B. Oliva AL MNT K / / 1 7

LOVE BEHIND THE WORLD OF PEDAGOGY Lovely Llorca

A

s I entered the classroom, I looked around, seems like there’s something not so good with the environment. The class used to be so quiet. It’s Mr. Bernardo’s class. He stands up and starts the lesson not even smiling at all and even prefers to widen his eyes when he teaches. There are times that he looks exhausted when he comes to school.

Sometimes he is so strict that he can’t even have the half of the class’ projects because of his standards where he looks for quality works. He shouts and even sometimes flies into a rage though he is getting old. Students are having a great fear and grievance of him and his personality built a doubt in me. Does he even love teaching? Does he even want us to be treated like his own sons and daughters?

I think I have to know him, his secrets.

I was once in the middle of advertency of our topic; he talks about, as he points each line, in his presentation. I think I really don’t understand what he discussed that caused me to look outside, feeling like I am bored of what he says “Mr. Borromeo, will you tell me what you understood about my discussion? And will you tell me what urges you to look outside rather than to listen to me?!”

My heart beats faster and my sweat is about to flow then. I asked him apology but he refused it. He ordered me to go out of the classroom.

I sat at the bench near the cafeteria alone, thinking of what happened. I want to hate him but, there’s something that pushes me to know him more. Does he really love teaching students? Does he even want us to be treated like his own sons and daughters? Does he love being our professor? All of them played in my mind.

I am about to take snacks after thirty minutes of thinking. I went outside the campus and tried to make myself more comfortable to eat in a fast food chain.

Someone tapped me at my back. She doesn’t look familiar to me.

“I know what happened in your class lately and students have been experiencing that and they’re usually expecting that to happen, which I think is silly. His students aren’t really thinking. Why do you have to get his subject? He doesn’t deserve to be a professor! He doesn’t care! If I were you, I will drop that subject. I’d rather take years of waiting ‘til he is not the instructor of that subject before I take it than suffer with his conditions. I am Jane by the way. I have to go, bye!” I tried to utter some words but she left

18 / / A L M N T K

quickly. I don’t know how she came up with that.

I went back to school, in our room. It’s already 5:45 PM and there’s no class session. I don’t know what’s in this room, but I was just thinking of Mr. Bernardo. I suddenly got a folder containing scribbles.

“I failed, though I know I am always after perfection. I failed though I tried my best to give what my daughter wants to have until I am old now. I failed, I am a failure.”

I put it in my bag and kept it for days.

“Who owns this folder?” I asked my classmates after the class dismissal. Nobody claimed it. I decided to go out of the room but Mr. Bernardo told me not to. He talked to me and said that I should return the folder to where I got it. I asked him if it’s his but he just pardoned what he said so I returned it back. I am confused. Mr. Bernardo has a daughter? I think I have to visit his house.

I was on my way to Mr. Bernardo’s house but something stopped me and caught my attention. I saw a girl who shouts at the old man and she really bursts out her anger to him.

“If you’ve just consider my mother’s condition before putting all the blame on her, we wouldn’t have any problem!”

The girl closed the door, leaving the old man in front of it. The man looks familiar when he walks on his way to the other house. He threw the book he’s holding near the house fence. I was shocked that his destination is to Mr. Bernardo’s house and it was him! It was my first time to see him crying. I carefully get the book and quickly went home. I thought he is tough, strict, and somehow fearless.

It was Saturday morning and I decided to go to school.

When I passed the assigned room for our class, I saw a girl.

I remembered someone, it was Jane. She’s talking with Mr. Bernardo angrily. How could a girl shout to Mr. Bernardo?

Anyone of us can’t do that. I stepped back. I get the book from my bag and I have a feeling that Jane is Mr. Bernardo’s daughter. I read the book when I came home.

The book is old. It says how her wife died. Her wife was hit by a car. They are talking about why Mr. Bernardo is always coming home late. Mr. Bernardo got mad and they argued. Her wife got up to drive not minding her condition.

While driving she had a heart attack causing for her to have an accident. Mr. Bernardo scolded her daughter, Jane, for not doing well with her performance in school. He used to be so strict with Jane, as well as with his students. Jane’s heart has bounded with anger. She left her father and stayed with her friend near their house. Mr. Bernardo knew that her wife died after two days. He apologized to Jane she feels furious whenever she sees her father. Mr. Bernardo almost wants to shut himself out of the world not knowing what he will do.

Every three o’clock pm, Mr. Bernardo goes to Jane’s school and gives her some food. When Jane’s class is dismissed, Mr. Bernardo goes to take her home together with him. But all of his efforts were ignored.

“I failed though I am always after perfection, not knowing that I did wrong at the very beginning. I did my best for you, Jane. I am sorry for I am so bad that I don’t even know your mother died. I was only thinking about myself. I would always believe that I am a professor and I should be a perfectionist. I forgot to be your father while your mother is living. If you cannot forgive me, I understand. I just want you to know that I am missing you, my dear princess.”

I finished reading the book after a week. Mr. Bernardo rejects our works like what he does with Jane’s. He scolds us when no one is listening to him and would even send us out. But, I knew why Mr. Bernardo looks exhausted when he comes to class. It’s because of his sacrifice just for Jane’s forgiveness. He comes to class late because he cares for Jane.

He is strict with our projects because he wants us to know more. He is strict because he doesn’t want us to fail because he had that failure.

Now that the school year nears to end, I came up to understand why he is like that. But I know that there’s something hidden in his heart – his love for his daughter. The rigorousness of a man could possibly be the aftermath of love and regrets. A strict professor has care behind his practice of rigor.

PHILOPHOBIA Lara Sheen C. Moso

S

omeone will make you feel heaven and leave you in hell. I was once a big fan of love but I was “pinaasa, na-Columbia” or whatever you may call it and I turned into being afraid of falling. I got this Philophobia, the fear of falling in love to someone who can’t love you back. But after all I have learned and accept that people come and go, they’ll just drop by to make you giggle for a while.

At exactly 5:00 in the afternoon, we finally reach Eurasian Paradise Resort in Pasacao. We came all the way from Naga and we are here to do some catch ups, you know we’ve been in to our own businesses last April and it feels like a decade for us that’s why we decided to have this summer outing. They’re with their girlfriends and boyfriends and sad to say I don’t have one, well I don’t need them I can manage being alone, I can have fun all by myself, like hello being alone is fun, sometimes. We proceeded to our respective rooms and of course we’re still young that’s why the boys’ and girls’ rooms are still separated and the big benefit goes to me, because if it would be partners I’ll end up solitary.

After putting our things inside our room we are now off to dinner, at last! Our table was like a hierarchy of authority, couples are seated together, and me? Well, I have all the patriarchal authority for I am sitting at the father’s position, (perks of having no boyfriend) they were teasing me to find my Mr. Right through Omegle and I was like, seriously? But the teasing doesn’t end there. Up to the bonfire they were still pushing me to go meet boys online not just in Omegle, they have also mentioned some other sites. I only replied them with “Tse!” Like hello, I am not that desperate to meet guys using social media, if I know they’ll just leave me after all. I decided to check out the resort, and just whoa, the place is good, the pools are clean with the slides and all, and on the other part there comes the beach. I found myself sitting on the shore, waves reaching for my feet. I didn’t actually want to leave them having fun there and I am here being emotional. Well, I’d rather be emotional than torture myself seeing them with their loved ones all happy.

I open up my phone and scan pictures in my gallery; I’ll be choosing a photo to post on my Instagram account. My eyes landed to one of the folders, suddenly all the sweetest, happiest and even the not so good memories, with the guy I thought was way different from the others, flashbacks. I’ve met him when I was having a trouble with my document, my flash drive gets corrupted and he suddenly pops out from nowhere offering for a help. He had retrieved the files and after that we started going out. He’s always there whenever I wanted a company to somewhere else, ready to carry all the things I am carrying in, he’d also been my food buddy, my selfie buddy as well, my secretary, my human diary, he’d been like my PA. I remembered one day, when I tweeted for the food I was really craving. And after a second he ask me not to sleep yet and for an instant I saw him standing outside our house handling the food I’m craving for. It wasn’t the last time because every time I crave for any food he’ll be there wherever I am, as fast as a delivery boy could do. He is willing to wait to walk with me to our home; even if it would take almost an hour, his concern is to ensure my safety. I also remembered the time when he would say I was as cold as snow for I always ignore him, don’t even care of what he would feel. It was heaven for… a while.

Everything has changed, after he made me feel of heaven, cloud nine and all, he left. He made me feel like as if I’m a princess in a big castle and he is my prince. At first I feel strange and find it hard to comprehend what I am really feeling. But at the end of the day, I have concluded that I have fallen for him for real. I would look like dumb if I don’t know how and why, of course he’d been like a boyfriend to me. He made me fall for his words and his actions, maybe I have given a false interpretation of his doing, perhaps he is sweet to all his friends and there’s really no special feeling for me. When I confessed what I felt for him and started to show him I really did like him, he transformed into a douchebag, not literally. The set up changed, I’ve been into the point that I was the one waiting for him, he’d even let me go home alone. All the efforts and gentleness gone and just like what other people say “na- Columbia ka!”

Now, I’m having a hard time trusting people especially when it comes to boys who would ask me to go out or offer a friendship. For me, “they’ll just make

friends with you, will make you feel heaven and after that, they will leave,” everyone is temporary. I have turned into a stone, afraid to meet a guy who would make me feel special and after that leave me hanging and fallen. I am awakened with the thought that he was just a friend, yes, a friend because after all the movie-like scenes we had the real thing is he can’t love me back, “kaibigan lang pala.”

I decided to keep this thing secret, for what would be the purpose of letting him know that I am hurting, nothing will really change. Perhaps, he’ll laugh at me because I’m such a weakling.

I easily get fall, I’m vulnerable. I am all aware of this thing and I’ll make sure that this won’t happen again. I won’t fall for someone who can’t love me back. I’ll be as wise as I can so I won’t be hurt again.

The flashbacks and realizations I have ended when I was back to my reverie. My phone vibrates. I received a text message from Sabrina, asking me to go back to the bonfire they are having. I stood up like I was not hurt at all, I’m moving on for he is not worthy of my love. He’s just a guy who was only good at first. Someday, I’ll be meeting my real prince who would be all ready to catch me when I fall.

AL MNT K / / 1 9

There’s that certain feels within Can’t control myself every time I have that sensation Especially when there’s a lot of eyes watching I want it badly; I want to get rid of it But I just can’t It started in 1st grade While sitting all alone And then I decided to do something on my own I felt the pain at first but as time gone by It became a favorite habit of mine.

A little secret of mine when I’m alone I would touch that sticky thing using my finger As I try to move it from left to right All I want to do is to release everything And when it is out, the sensation is also gone.

There were times back in 4th grade When I became conscious about my habit It was at this point when I decided to stop it But there were moments inside the class where I need to do it And I would quickly prepare my favorite finger just to do it.

Remembering how that feeling made me feel so high inside Every time I would do that circling movement using two fingers Oh sweetness, I can finally breathe And at the same time dirty But still, this habit of mine made me feel complete Right now, I can’t force myself to stop doing it While I was writing this, I was doing it and my keyboard is getting sticky But nonetheless you can’t stop me from doing it If I can’t poke my nose because I have a big booger Then I have all the right to stop you from thinking of something else.

MY SNEAKY GREEN QUIRK CTO

20 // ALMNTK

It was when we were forced To vacate our seats And transfer at the back Laughing at ourselves That we became each other’s Last ever seatmate In all our college years It was when we both felt Awkward and aloof Sitting side by side With constant brushing Of our rather silky black gowns That I remembered every single memoir We shared and didn’t It was when we were singing praises To the Lord Almighty Hand in hand For the last time That I realized that I have finally Finally, forgave you Even if you weren’t sorry It was when we reached The end, the very end That we both silently decided Once and for all To begin anew

ULTIMATE OXYMORON MJLA AL MNT K / / 2 1

The oval was on blazing green flame Its Rainbow was more than eager to play the game Everyone has the soothing water, they claim But then one mighty color discreetly came Believed to possess the ultimate aim The principled sky embraces Rosy with the promise to blend Leap shall be worth it, they say, in the end Heart that may caress the fire to mend Almost a tear yes from Rosy transcend But alas! It shuts, afraid of a promise to offend Then the sunlight illuminated Rosy to take over Swore that the generation in her hand is but superb Continue shining, now and forever Yet again a certain no came to utter So the war began, reddish gents sought to win Armed of pails to ease the fire scene Poor Rosy pondered of what could have been

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS MJLA The palace’s mood seems heavy His highness appears to be a little distant Cloaked by his own stupor and blankness Disturbing then the innocent kingdom So it happened, war flared up Ruining everything, damaging everyone Hatred, curse, resentment No guilt, none yet Just anger And now because he let the war conquer him I became his sword Just his sword I am no longer his Princess

I’M NO LONGER HIS PRINCESS MJLA I feel restless when you’re not around.

I feel at ease when I took a glimpse.

My heart starts pumping when you’re close by, Thinking of you every time.

Listening to the way you talk And a “hi” always makes my day.

You are like a sun’s ray Giving me warmth and light on my way.

I’ve been keeping this for a while now I’ll be honest and hoping you’ll listen The truth is that I love you Or is it wrong for me to be with you I thank you for inspiring me Even if we’re miles apart Please don’t be awkward and hesitate I’ll come running no matter how far.

FIXATED OR NOT Celestia

2 2 / / AL M N T K

OCD* (Over Compulsive Disorder) Charlene Kris A. Borbe

I

like things neat and clean. But no disinfectant or 99.9% of germ-killing formula could ever clean my stained purity.

It was a pit black room, near to the color of blindness which I believe no one would dare to walk through. It separates us from the outside world of childhood and innocence. There was full of trust but emotions are playing and are very provoking.

Beneath the covers and under the sheets are mysteries of lies and deception; full of insecurities and broken protection. As soft as the blanket my delicate flesh was taken and as hard as the headboard, I got repeatedly broken. Tears heavily flow from both my shut eyes that wish to no longer witness the sad truth of this unforgivable crime. A crime that I know, like my shut eyes, would also no longer see justice. Justice that is only served to the rich and on pedestal. Like the pit black room I was in, was the color of hope and a chance to escape I see. Nothing.

After the dreadful play and crumbling down moral that I built comes the aftermath. Aftermath that no material or means could ever undo the damages.

Huge shame and embarrassment is eating me alive after he left me questioned, blank, startled, bleeding and uncovered. I awaken my tired and dead senses; I got up and reach the bathroom. I washed my own dried up blood and the thing he left together with our perspiration. I tried to put myself together again as I put on new and fresh clothes from my cabinet.

Everything seems neat and clean.

I like things neat and clean. But no disinfectant or 99.9% germ-killing formula could ever clean my stained purity. *OCD is a mental disorder where people feel the need to check things repeatedly, perform certain routines repeatedly (called “rituals�), or have certain thoughts repeatedly.

AL MNT K / / 2 3

FANTASY WILL NOT BE A REALITY Jessa Asuhan

D

o you still remember the first time you fell in love?

Falling in love with someone is a great feeling that everyone must have experienced. We feel inspired, happy, and seems like we enter a magical world for things happening around us are unexplainable.

For a moment we fall for someone, we imagine all the fantasies of life as if it’s the reality. But not all fantasies we imagine end up happily ever after and become the reality.

There are different signs when we’re in love and it reflects on our actions. First, you are conscious with yourself. Second, you always think of him every second or minute of the time. And lastly, when he talks to you or get near with you, you feel like there is a butterfly in your tummy, you’d even feel the whole zoo, I tell you. Those are the signs that you are falling in love with someone. When you’re in love, you’re always feeling inspired, you always give time to look beautiful, and you have enthusiasm in class. We all receive and give love in so many different ways to so many different people in our lives. And I think we can all agree that we all need love. It’s absolutely necessary to have a happy life. It would always feel cloud nine if the person you’re crushing about would reciprocate the feeling you’ve been seeding.

But what if they don’t?

It was in fourth grade when I met him. We’ve been really close and we’re always ready to go on an adventure together. For a great length of time that we’ve been friends, I didn’t come to ponder the weird feelings I’m starting to develop for him. Yes, I guess it’s cloud nine. After years of staying in the elementary, we parted ways for high school. I never thought I would regret for letting myself to be a coward. I wasn’t able to muster all my courage and told him how much I’ve been dreaming about him. I was afraid that he might reject me for telling him my secret feelings. I was crashing from cloud nine. The mountainous hopes I’ve built came crumbling down. I guess, I have to let go.

Until such time when I finally decided to move on and free myself from the shackles of puppy love, I heard he found a girl –a girl that would change his life.

Indeed, she changed him. When I got the chance to have a glimpse of the man I loved, several questions piled up in my mind. From the way he looks and the way he acts, she really did clothe him with a different identity. Although I can still remember how I laid my eyes on him, I guess, now he’s just somebody I used to know.

With this brief life experience, I came to shadow a little lesson, that love is a sacrifice. It is something that lets you give up your own happiness for other.

24 // ALMNTK

UTAK

Makalipas ang ilang taon ay narito na naman ako Takas mula sa rehas ng mapanghusga kong mundo Kimkim ang mga hinaing ko’t sekreto Na dito, sa mumunti kong paraiso, nakatago Simula pagkabata’y hindi ko na kilala ang aking pagkatao Sa tuwing babakat ang kamao ni itay sa aking katawan Sa tuwing tatawagin akong salot ng iilan Itong aparador lamang ang nagsilbi kong kanlungan Masikip ngunit dito mas malaya akong huminga Mula sa sakal ng mga tanong nila’t duda.

Madilim ngunit dito mas malinaw na nakakakita Ang aking mga matang binulag na ng mapanghusgang mata ng iba Hindi ko alam kung bakit iba daw ako sa karaniwan Kung bakit di raw tama ang pilantik ng aking katawan Kung bakit mas matimbang ang manika kesa barilbarilan at Kung bakit iba ang kilos sa idinidikta ng kasarian Pinilit kong magbago dahil ‘yon daw ang nararapat Baluktot na katauha’y pinilit kong ituwid at ilapat Sa mga boses nila’y pinilit kong makinig Hanggang ang sa aki’y ni di ko na marinig Makalipas ang ilang taon ay narito na naman ako Sa aking munting aparador na itinuring kong paraiso Sa lugar na tinamnan ko ng aking mga sikreto Na sinidlan ng aking tunay na pagkatao Makalipas ang ilang taon sa wakas ay handa na ako Handa ng lumabas mula sa kulungang ako mismo ang bumuo Handa ng takasan ang sarili kong multo Sapagkat ang aparador na ito’y hindi ako.

APARADOR Maryvil O. Rebancos

26 // ALMNTK

Dito sa loob ng aming paaralan Sa apat na sulok ng silid-aklatan Itong palibot-libot na laybraryan Tunay na kinatatakutan Nakataas kanyang kilay sa tuwina Mga labi’y nakatupi sa manipis na linya Kaya kung ika’y pasaway at nasita Manliliit sa liyab ng kanyang mga mata Itong laybraryan sa paaralan namin Bata pa kung tutuusin Kaya nakapagtataka, sa iisipin Na siya’y bihirang ngumiti ni katiting Dito sa silid na puno ng aklat Aral at katahimikan ay payak Ngunit lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat Itong laybraryan may iba pang hangad Kabaliktaran ng kanyang patakaran Nananalaytay sa dugo niya’y kaaliwan Kaya naman sa gabi ang laybraryan Ibang-iba sa umagang nakasanayan Pormang pandalaga Sa sayawan, bidang-bida Ngiting tila hindi nabubura Sa gabi, ang laybraryan rumarampa Araw at gabi, buhay niya’y magkasalo Sapagkat tahimik man ang kanyang trabaho Oras para sa sarili, hindi papatalo Yan ang kanyang sikreto

ARAW AT GABI Precious Kacy D. Faraon

May tumatakbong maskuladong tsinito Ngumiti sa akin Sana naman kiligin ako Pero wala pa rin.

Mapuputi ang legs nitong babae Hindi ako kumurap Sana naman maakit ako Pero wala pa rin.

Type ata ako ni Miss Agad kasi siyang lumapit Pero sabay sampal sa 7aking pisngi Oo, naramdaman ko.

HINDI SILAHIS D.F.D

AL MNT K / / 2 7

GANDANG ‘DI MO INAKALA Noli G. Ama

L

ahat na siguro tayo ay masasabing nagnanais na magtaglay ng isang napakagandang mukha at hubog o tikas ng katawan. Kung maari nga lang sigurong tayo na mismo ang magdikta sa tangos ng ating ilong mula pagkabata ay matagal na nating ginawa. Subalit, hindi na problema ang mga ‘yan sa kasalukuyan dahil sa tulong ng ating mga makabagong pag-aaral at teknolohiya madali nalang ‘yang mareresolba.Pero ano nga ba ang lihim sa likod ng gandang ‘di mo inakala at aakalain?

Usong-uso sa pamumuhay natin sa kasalukuyan ang samu’t saring pamamaraan ng pagpapaganda.

Maliban sa mga make-up kit na kadalasang bitbit ng marami sa atin nariyan din ang mga pagpapagandang artipisyal. Napakaaliwalas sa pakiramdam ang makamtan mo ang matagal ng pangarap na ito.

Hindi na lamang basta gandang panlabas ang silbi ng pagtataglay nito kundi masasabi na rin itong matibay na asset sa maraming larangan kagaya ng komersyo at maging sa trabaho. Aminin natin sa hindi, isang batayan na sa mga panahon ngayon ang hulma ng mukha at katawan.

Isa sa mga uri ng pagpapagandang artipisyal ang tinatawag na plastic surgery, isang paraan kung saan ang anumang parte ng katawan, maaaring hulmahan, patungan at gawan ng panibagong anyo.

Kadalasang ginagamit na termino sa usaping ito ay ang salitang “retoke” o “pagpaparetoke”. At hindi lamang basta mga maykaya ang may kakayahan upang makapagawa nito kung hindi pati na rin ang marami sa atin. Sa paglipas ng panahon, abot-kaya na ang ganitong proseso. Madalas itong mapansin sa mga tinitingalang personalidad kung kaya’t hindi na nakapagtatakang maging ehemplo sila ng pagtangkilik natin sa ganitong pamamaraan.

Ang karaniwan sa mga isinasagawang operasyon ay may kaugnayan sa pagpapaganda ng pilik-mata, pagpapatangos ng ilong, pagbabanat ng mukha, botox, pagpapaliit ng mga litid, pagpapalaki o pagpapaliit ng dibdib, pagpapatambok ng pigi at pag-aalis ng taba sa katawan (liposuction). Ayon sa mga datos sa kasalukuyan, humigit-kumulang sa dalawang milyon ang sumasailalim sa ganitong mga proseso at gumagastos ng napakalaking halaga at nagsasakripisyo ng panahon at kaginhawahan.

Ngunit hindi lamang sa usapin ng pagpapaganda o pagsasaayos ng anumang parte ng katawan ang hatid na tulong ng paparetoke kundi maging sa mga oras ng hindi natin inaasahang mga aksidente kung saan kinakailangan talagang isagawa ito. Subalit pasasaan pa’t hindi rin masama kung magiging matalino tayong tagapagtangkilik. Sa totoo lang, ang pinakamalaking lihim ng pagpaparetoke higit sa ano pa mang bagay ay ang malaking posibilidad ng “side effects” na maidudulot nito. Bukod sa panganib nito sa kasalukuyan, nakababahala rin ang panganib na dulot nito sa ating mga buhay sa pangkalahatan. Walang sinuman ang nagnais ng

2 8 / / AL M N T K

pangit na kalalabasan sa prosesong ito.

Ngunit ang masusing pag-aaral bilang tagapag-tangkilik ng ganitong proseso ay ang pinakamatalinong tugon sa lihim na ito.

Sa totoo lang, ang pagsasagawa ng anumang pagbabago sa katawan ay hindi natural at laging may panganib ng "side effects" sa pisikal at saykolohikal na bahagi ng ating pagkatao. Hindi dapat ipailalim ng isang tao ang kanyang sarili sa isang operasyon ng hindi muna isinasaalang-alang ang mga panganib at "side effects" ng hakbang na ito. Dapat na alamin muna ng isang tao ang mga konsekwensya ng kanyang desisyon sa pagdaan sa ganitong bagay. Para sa maraming may kapansanan sa katawan na simula pa sa pagkabata o kapansanan na bunga ng aksidente, natural lamang na gustuhin nila na iangkop nila ang kanilang sarili sa mga tao upang maramdaman na sila ay tulad sa mga "normal" na tao. Mayroon ding mga kaso ng kaunting abnormalidad na nagiging dahilan upang ang isang tao ay hindi maging komportable sa kanyang sarili at makaramdam na pagkapahiya sa harap ng mga tao gaya ng pagkakaroon ng malaki o pangong ilong. Ngunit karamihan sa atin, hindi man lahat ng nagpaparetoke ay dahil sa layuning katagpuin ang mga emosyonal na kahungkagan, upang makapukaw ng atensyon o maramdaman na tinatanggap sila ng maraming tao.

Isa malaking usapin ang bagay na ito lalo pa’t malaking hakbang na ang nagawang pag-unlad sa paraan ng ating pamumuhay. Kasabay nito ang pagbabago sa takbo ng ating mga kaisipan sa pagitan ng pagtingin sa mga bagay-bagay. Tanggapin na natin ang katotohanang karamihan sa atin ay nagiging mapanghusga sa iba na nagiging dahilan ng animong pagsugal natin sa mga prosesong tulad nito.

Hindi kaylan man naging mali ang pangarapin natin na magkaroon ng maaliwalas na mukha. Hindi kaylan man naging baluktot ang mithiing ito. Subalit sa oras na mismong ang mga buhay na natin ang nakataya, ano pang silbi ng pagtataglay natin ng gandang ‘di natin inakalang sa huli ay maaring maging mitsa ng pagkasira ng ating panlabas na kaanyuan, personalidad, pagkatao at maging ng ating pansariling mga buhay.

Sa gandang ‘di natin inakala, buhay po ang nakataya.

CELLPHONE Ruby Jane L. Bandola

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las onse. Dahan-dahan ko siyang kinarga papasok ng kwarto, binihisan ng preskong pantulog, at saka ihiniga sa kanyang kama. Habang inaayos ko ang paborito niyang kumot, bigla siyang humawak sa kamay ko.“ Mama. Tingin ka sa baba ng kamako. Sabi nung kalaro ko may mga mumu daw diyan na masama tapos nananakit!”

Hinaplos ko siya sa noo, sabay ngiti.

“Jun-Jun, walang mga halimaw sa ilalim ng kama mo. Kung meron man, sila ang dapat matakot! Papaalisin sila agad ni Mama. Wala kayang pwedeng manakit kay Jun-Jun ko!”Natawa si Jun-Jun sa pagsuntok-suntok at pagsipa-sipa ko sa hangin. “Hahaha! Galing galing talaga ng Wonder Woman ko!”

“Sus. Ang sweet naman ni birthday boy! Sige na, matulog ka na. Darating din ‘yon si Papa.” Humuni ako ng malambing hanggang sa tuluyan nang nakatulog si Jun-Jun. Niyakap ko siya ng saglit at saka tahimik na naglakad papalayo.

Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ay agad konginiligpit ang mga putaheng nakahanda. Ang dami pang tira, sana huwag naman agad mapanis. Hinugasan ko rin ang mga platong ginamit kanina ng mga bisita. Natapos ko na pati ang paglinis ng mga punit na pambalot sa natanggap na mga regalo ni Jun-Jun. Nahiya na ang patong-patong kong bilbil sa ngayo’y patong patong kong eye bags, wala ka pa rin.

Alas dos. Nagtitimpla ako ng kapeng mainit nang biglang bumukas ang pinto.

Pumasok ka at inilapag mo sa mesa ang dala mong bag. Mukhang pagod na pagod ka ata. Nilapitan kita, niyakap, at hinalikan sa pisngi. “Ayos ka lang ba? Gusto mong ipaghanda kita ng pagkain?” Paglalambing ko. Ngunit imbis na maglambing din, marahan mo akong itinulak palayo. “‘Wag na Jaja, kumain na ako. Si Jun-Jun?” “Kanina pa ‘yon naghihintay sa’yo. Pasado alas onse na nang pinatulog ko na kasi may pasok pa bukas.” “Ganoon ba? Babawi nalang ako sakanya bukas. May tinapos lang kasi akong importante sa opisina.”

“May tinapos sa opisina? Pero pagtawag ko doon kaninang alas syete wala ka raw.” Dedma. “Sige. Mauuna na ako matulog ah. Pagod lang talaga.”

Uminom ka lang saglit ng tubig pagkatapos ay tuloy-tuloy na sa kwarto

natin. Sinigurado kong naka-lock ang mga bintana at pinto, sinarado ang mgailaw at sumunod na rin sa’yo.

Naabutan kita sa kwarto na malalim na ang tulog at humihilik pa. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama na may kutob na parang may mali. Daig pa ng pagka-cold mo ngayon ang lamig ng aircon natin. Pero naisip kong siguro marami ka lang talagang ginawa.

Hahalikan sana kita nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone mong nasa ilalim ng unan natin. Panira ng moment.

“Jude, may nag-text ata sa’yo. Baka importante,” panggigising kosa’yo. Inaalog-alog na kita, pero patuloy pa rin ang paghilik mo. Pagod ata talaga. Kinuha ko ang cellphone mo. Napangiti ako dahil anibersaryo pa rin natin ang password at ang wallpaper naman ay yung larawan nating kuha noong kakapanganak ko pa lamang kay Jun-Jun. Sabi na nga ba’t wala akong dapat ipag-alala.

“One message from Officemate Armie.” Siya ata yung naikwento mong photographer na madalas napapagalitan kaya tinutulungan mo. Sabi mo hiniwalayan pa lang kasi ng jowa kaya lagging wala sa sarili. Hindi ko ugaling mangialam ng cellphone, pero minabuti ko pa ring buksan ang text niya dahil baka may problema at kailangan ka.

Officemate Armie: Salamat sa paghatid, Jude! Nag-enjoy ako kanina! Bukas ulit ha? ;) Agad pumasok sa utak ko ang imahen ng mga hayop na higad, linta, at palaka. Tatadyakan na sana kita, pero humiga na lang ako habang hawak pa rin ang cellphone mo. Baka nagkatuwaan lang kayo sa opisina habang nagtatrabaho. Pagkatapos hinatid mo siya kasi wala nang sasakyan at sadiyang gentleman ka lang.

Tumalikod ako sa’yo at baka mahagis ko itong cellphone sa mukha mo nang wala sa oras. Bakal pa naman yung casing.

Patuloy akong nagbasa ng palitan ni’yo ng text. Parang mga high school na naglalandian. May mga “Anogawamo?” “Iniisipka.

Hihi” pa kayong nalalaman. Samantalang ‘pag ako ang kausap mo, para tayong naglalaro ng PinoyHenyo dahil halos “Oo,” “Hindi,” at “Pwede” lang ang isinasagot mo. Akala ko dala lang ng pagiging mag-asawa – hindi na kailangan ng mabubulaklak at matatamis na salita. Ngunit halos pamahayan na ng langgam ang message thread ninyo ni Armie.

“Bored ka lang siguro o baka pinaglalaruan mo lang,” paulitulit kong iniisip. Pero hindi ko na nagawang magbiro sa sarili ko sa sunod kong mga nabasa.

Officemate Armie: Uypangit. Di ba’t may asawa at anak ka na? Ano balak mo dun? :( Me: Ipagdasal mong manalo si Santiago sa pagka presidente para may divorce na sa Pinas. :* Isinarado ko na lamang ang inbox mo bago ko pa matadtad ng mura sa text si Armie. Alam naman palang pamilyadong tao ka na. Bakit niya kailangang manira ng relasyon ng iba para mabuo ang kanya?

Sunod kong tiningnan ang call logs mo. Gaya ng inakala, puro Officemate Armie rin. Kaya pala halos triple ang bill ng plan mong putragis ka. Hindi bababa sa isang oras ang bawat tawag.

Noong kino-contact kita at ang sumasagot ay “Sorry, the number you have dialed is busy at the moment,” may pinagkaka-busyhan ka naman pala talaga. Pasensya ha.

Napadpad rin ako sa gallery ng cellphone mo. Parang teenager na malibog ang may-ari dahil sa dami ng mga litrato at video na may nakahubad. ‘Yon nga lang, imbis na kung sinong porn star, mukha at katawan ninyo ni Armie ang naroon.

Hindi ako iiyak. Hindi kita iiyakan. Asa ka.

Gamit pa rin ang cellphone mo, binuksan ko ang WiFi at naglog in sa Facebook ko. Nag-screen cap ako ng mga text niyo, pati ng call logs mo na puro Officemate Armie ang laman. Gumawa ako ng group chat na kasama ang abogado ko, mga magulang mo, at siyempre yung kabit mong kamukha ng paa ko. Saka ko inupload ang lahat ng ebidensya ng pangangaliwa mo.

Sa pagitan ng iyong paghilik, humarap muli ako sa’yo at pinagmasdan ka. Bigla kong natandaan ang sinabi ko kanina kay Jun-Jun na hindi siya dapat matakot sa mga halimaw sa ilalim ng kama. Panahon na siguro para ituro sa kanyang mas kailangan niyang mag-ingat sa mga halimaw na nasa ibabaw nito, mga halimaw na minsan pa nga sa pagtulog ay makakatabi mo.

AL MNT K / / 2 9

Konting pahid sa noo Sa ilong Sa paligid ng mata Saka pinantay ang kulay Nang sa balat ko ay bumagay.

Naglagay rin sa leeg Sa dibdib Sa kabuuhan ng braso.

Tiningnan ang sarili sa salamin, Siguro pwede na rin Naglakad palabas ng bahay Papuntang sentro Papasok ng eskwelahan Palibhasa baon ay ubos na Ipinambili ng kolorete sa mukha Buong araw pinagtinginan ng mga nakakasalubong Mga kaklase Mga mapanghusgang kakilala “Ang kinis mo ngayon Jose!”

“Pa-kiss naman diyan pare!”

Ngumingiti ka, gayong nararapat kang umiyak Pinipilit mong kimkimin ang problema sa ‘yong mga halakhak Ipinapakita mo ang tapang gayong dapat kang matakot Mapagbalatkayo ka nga, huwad ang tuwa mo, may bahid na lungkot Maaliwalas ang iyong mukha, gayong ika’y nasusuklam Iyong ikinukubli ang pagsalungat, ni ayaw mong ipaalam Pilit mong nilulunok, kahit ika’y sukang-suka na Mapagbalatkayo ka nga, maskara ang taglay mong mukha Nagpapakamarunong ka, gayong wala ka namang alam Pinipilit mo pang paputiin, suot-suot mong basahan Katinuan mo’y may kasinungalingan at ‘yan ang katotohanan Mapagbalat kayo ka nga, kat’wiran mo’y tuwid na may kabaluktutan Matatalas ang iyong mga binibigkas, gayong mapurol ang ‘yong dila Bilanggo ka ng iyong sarili, tao kang walang laya Sino ka nga ba talaga sa likod ng iyong mga katha?

Ikaw ba’y nagbabalatkayo lamang kaibigan kong kadigma?

Mapagbalatkayo ka, totoo, mula ulo hanggang paa Nababalot ka ng kaningningan, subalit nag ngingitngit ka Lokohin mo na ang ‘yong sarili, ‘wag lang ang iba Huwag kang mabuhay sa pagtatago, magpakatotoo ka.

BALATKAYO Noli G. Ama 30 / / A L M N T K

Naglakad palabas ng eskwelahan Papuntang sentro Pauwi sa bahay Magmamano na sana kay ama Ngunit sumalubong mga suntok at sipa Sa may tagiliran Sa ulo Sa magkabilang hita “Nangibang-bayan ako para magtrabaho, Pag-uwi ko’y bakla na ang aking unico hijo!”

Pinigilan ang pag-iyak Nabigo Umagos ang luha.

“Noong wala ka, ama, sa frat ako’y sumali Baka sakaling mapatunayan sa’yo aking pagkalalaki Nagpadikdik sa malalaking bisig Naghubad Nagpahampas ng tubo Minabuting manahimik dahil ako’y binantaan Na ‘pag nagsumbong, aabuti’y di lang sakit ng katawan.”

Saka pinahiranng kolorete sa noo Sa ilong Sa paligid ng mata Bumungad mga pasang lila ang kulay Na sa balat ko ay lumatay.

Tinanggal rin ang nasa leeg Sa dibdib Sa kabuuhan ng braso “Kaya araw-araw na nag-aayos sa harap ng salamin Para takpan mga bakas ng pambubugbog At maitago ang sakit na nararamdaman.”

BB CREAM Ruby Jane L. Bandola

LIMANG PUTING LOBO AT LIHAM Isko

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inipili nating itago ang tunay nating nararamdaman sa likod ng ating mga tawa.

Marso 28, 2015

Sa Pinakamamahal kong Pamilya, Nay,Tay maraming salamat sa lahatlahat ng sakripisyo, inspirasyon at suporta na ibinigay at pinaramdam ninyo sa’kin. Alam kong hindi nagging madali ang bigyan ako ng pagkakataong makapag-aral sa kolehiyo – sa gusto ko pang kurso at paaralan. Alam ko po ang hirap na dinadanas ng ating pamilya, masustentuhan lamang ang akin gpag-aaral.

Nay, Tay at maging sa mga kapatid ko, salamat sa pang-unawa. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo. Gagawin ko ang lahat matupad lang ang pangarap kong ito. Dahil hanggang nasa tabi ko kayo, alam kong magagawa ko ‘to.

Nay, naaalala mo po ba ‘yong minsang umuwi ako sa’tin na may dalang isang liham? –isang imbitasyon para dumalo kayo ni Tatay sa aking recognition day dahil isa ako sa gagawaran ng parangal bilang isang Dean’s Lister. Tuwang-tuwa kayo sa sandaling iyon subalit nararamdaman kong may munti kayong pag-aalinlangan sa pagdalo. Hindi ko alam kung ano pero sa tingin ko iniisip niyo marahil na baka mapahiya ako kapag nalaman ng mga kamag-aral ko ang tunay na kalagayan ng ating pamilya. Patawad, dahil sa mga sandaling iyon ako lang pala ang nag-alinlangan. Hindi ko nakita ang tunay nyong galak dahil pinangunhan ako ng takot sa maaaring sabihin ng malalapit kong kaibigan. Patawad po dahil hindi ko inisip na kinahihiya ko na pala ang mga taong tunay na pinagmamalaki ako. Patawad.

Tay, alam kong hindi po ako ganon kalapit ang loob ko sainyo. Hindi po tayo ‘yong tipikal na-close sa isa’tisa. Pero Tay, salamat po sa bawat payo na ibinibigay mo sa akin.

Maraming salamat sa unang beses mo akong sinamahan sa pag limot sa nasawi kong pagibig. Hindi ko naman ‘yon nabanggit sa inyo pero nalaman nyo. Astig ka talaga Tay. Alam ko pong hindi ako ‘yong anak niyo na lagging nagpaparamdam sainyo ng pagmamahal, pero sana Tay naramdaman mo po sana ang labis kong paghanga sainyo. Ikaw po itay ay ang idol ko. Kayo po ang da best na tatay sa mundo. Marahil po nagagawa kong sumagutsagot sainyo kapag nauutusan nyo ako, sorry po Tay. Lagi ko pong tinatandaan ang mga payo nyo pagdating sa mga bagay-bagay na kadalasan po ay tungkol sa babae. HAHA. Salamat. Ang pangako ko po sainyo ni nanay ay pagsisiskapan ko pong abutin. Pangako.

Nonoy, Nene at Totoy, lagi kayong mag-

aaral ng mabuti at lagi kayong tutulong sa gawaing bahay. Huwag nyong hayaan na si nanay ang gumawa ng mga gawain lalo kung wala kayon gpasok o wala kayong ginagawa.

Basta tatandaan at tuparin nyo ‘yong pangako nyo sa’kin na mag-aaral kayo ng mabuti at hindi magiging sakit ng ulo kina nanay at tatay. At bilang ganti, pangako ko, bibilhin ko ‘yong hinihingi nyo sa aking pasalubong.

Tandaan nyo yan. Nonoy, kapag wala ako, ikaw ang panganay kaya lagi mong aalagaan ang dalawa kapag wala si nanay at tatay.

Bantayan mo sila lagi kapag nakikipaglaro sa labas. At higit sa lahat, maging magandang halimbawa ka sa kanila. Tandaan mo yan.

Totoy at Nene, huwag kayong maging pasaway sa kuya n’yo, kay nanay at kay tatay. Pangako, may regalo ako sainyo kapag umuwi na ako.

Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Mahal na mahal.

Sana sa susunod na sulat ko, kasama na akong kapag natanggap niyo ito. I love you po at miss na miss ko na kayo.

Nagmamahal, Mat-Mat Halos isang taon na rin ang nakakalipas matapos ang malungkot na pamamaalam ng mahal kong anak. Sariwa pa ang sakit sa tuwing naalala ko ang bawat tawa na ibinibigay nya sa kanyang mga kapatid tuwing uuwi ito na may dalangsupot ng tinapay. Naalala ko siya sa presensya ng kanyang mga nakakabatang kapatid. Sariwa pa ang sugat na iniwan ni Mat-mat. Hindi ko lubos maiintindihan na ganoon na lamang pala ang bigat na kan’yang dinadala matupad lang binitiwan n’yang pangako sa aming mag-asawa. Hindi ko mawari na kung bakit niya nagawa ang bagay na ’yon. Bakit nawalan siya ng pag-asa.

Isang taon na ang nakakaraan ng matagpuan ng kanyang kaibigang si Mario ang labi ng aking anak sa loob ng banyo sa tinutuluyan nitong dormitoryo. Nakahandusayito at may hawak na maliit na botelya. Naka uniporme pa nga na marahil ay kagagaling pa lamang nito sa paaralan. Ayon sa salaysay ni Mario, tatlong araw niyang napapansin ang pagiging tahimik at matagal na pananatili nito sa loob ng banyo tuwing umaga bago siya pumasok sa eskwela. Tatlong araw matapos malaman ni Matt na hindi siya makakatuntong sa ikalimang taon nya sa kolehiyo matapos mawalan ng scholarship dulot ng pagkabagsak n’ya sa isa sa pinakaimportanteng asignatura sa kan’yang kursong inhenyero.

Dagdag pa ni Mario, napag-initan raw si Matt ng kanyang propesor dahil sa malimit na nahuhuli ni Matt na hindi handa ang kanyang guro tuwing papasok ito sa kanila. Kumbaga naipapahiya raw ng anak ko ang guro kaya marahil binigyan ito ng bagsak na grado. Alam kong nagging problema ang bagsak na AL MNT K / / 3 1

grading iyon kaya sinamahan ko pa siya na makiusap pero hindi pumayag ang propesor. Simula nang araw na’yon lagi nalang siyang tahimik. Nawalan na siya ng sigla at lalo pa siyang nanlumo nang malaman niyang magtataas ng matrikula ang paaralan kaya siguro nawalan na siya ng pag-asa. Minsan, nabanggit nya sa’kin, “Sana nagging mayaman nalang ang pamilya ko at hindi isang magsasaka ng walang sariling bukid.

Sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay.”

Lubos kong kinalungkot ang pahayag na ’yon ni Mario. Labis na pagsisi ang aking naramdaman dahil sa hindi ko magawang suportahan ang kagustuhan ng aking anak. Siguro, wala akong kwentang ina hindi ko lamang sya natulungan sa pagpasan ng kanyang problema. Napaka buting anak si Mat-mat. Lagi n’yang iniisip ang kaliligaya ng kanyang mga kapatid.

Lagi niyang iniisip ang ikapapanatag ng aming loob na mag-asawa. Lagi niyang binabangit na “okay lang po ako nay, kaya ko pa po.” Bakit sa kanya pa nangyari ang lahat ng ito?

Marso 30, 2016 Mat-Mat, Maligayang Pagtatapos, Anak! Maraming Salamat sa lahat ng ginawa mo para sa pamilya natin. Mahal na mahal ka namin!

Lagi kitang ipagmamalaki, Anak.

Nagmamahal, Nanay Sabay-sabay naming pinalipad ang limang puting lobo na kalakip ang munting liham para sa kanya.

Isang taon na ang nakakalipas at alam kong masaya ka sa piling ng Diyos. At alam kong lagi mo kaming babantayan.

Isa sa tinitingalang kalapati, Ubod nang puti’t animo’y walang dungis.

Sa mata nila’y birheng bumaba, Handang mag-alok ng kaluwalhatian Sa ikapitong langit na laging asam.

Ngunit tuwing mag-uumaga Lagi siyang lumuluha sa sakit na dulot Sa paglagas ng kanyang pakpak.

Unti-unting nauubos, unti-unting nawawala, ‘Di kailanman maibabalik ng himas Na sakanya mismo’y sadyang sumisira.

‘Di napapawi ang kanyang kagutuman Ng ilang butil na kan’yang nakakain.

Sukang-suka siya, hindi masikmura.

Kahit ang marangyang trato mo pa nga, Para bang kanyang mas ikinahihiya.

Kahit malaya siyang nakalilipad, ‘Di niya ramdam ang kan’yang pagbabalik.

Sa iba ay isa na lamang sikreto, Paglalakbay na mismong itinuturing Pinagbabawal... ng mga mahal niya Pwera sa kanya talagang walang-wala.

Nakalilipad ngunit dahil sa pakpak Ang paglipad niya ay hindi paglaya.

Sa mata ng iba, ito’y napakababa.

Mahuhuli’t mahuhuli, makukulong Sa hawlang hubo’t-hubad na bangungot.

KANYANG PAKPAK Catherine Bena T. Ollete Taon ang binilang bago ko napagtanto Na ang pag-aalaga sa tulad mo, ang aking ginusto Naghirap, nagsikap, nagpakadalubhasa’t nagpakatotoo Ako ba’y nagkamali lamang, bilang tagapaglingkod mo?

Binuo tayo ng magkahiwalay, sa tadyang ko ika’y hinugot Marahan kang hinulma, malumanay ka pang hinubog Halos perpekto kang nilikha Pero bakit tila hirap kang magtiwala?

Bakit ka maiilang? Bakit ka matatakot?

Sa panganib at sa peligro ako ang ‘yong sagot Umayon ka kung ‘yong nais Umayaw ka kung may pagmamalabis Tao rin ako kapanalig May pandama’t may pagnais Saan ako nagkamali? Ngayon sabihin mo sa akin Sagot ba ang pagiging sensitibo sa ganitong suliranin?

Ano nga ba ang sikreto’t sa aki’y naiilang ka?

Nang dahil lang ba lalaki ako’t babae ka?

DAHIL LANG BA LALAKI AKO’T BABAE KA Noli G. Ama 32 / / AL M N T K

KUNG PAANO AKO NAGING MAKATA (Para sa Pinakamamahal kong si Aldrin) Charlene Kris A. Borbe

*

Tik. Tak. Tik. Tak. Tik. Tak. Wala akong ibang marinig kundi ang pagpatak ng oras sa tuwing ako’y humahakbang. Hapon. Sa tapat ng simbahan.

Sa likod. Sa may parke. Hawak ang isang maliit na blangkong kwaderno at lapis na bagong tasa; naglalakad mag-isa. Naglalakad nang wari’y nais may makilala, makaipagkwentuhan at makakasama sa pag-alis ng umaga’t pag-dating ng gabi. Nakayukong ulo, mga matang nakatitig sa paang lakad nang lakad na tila hindi alam kung saan pupunta. Naglakad-lakad ako patungo sa kung saan matatagpuan ang walang humpay na kaligayahan.

Dumidilim na. Asan ka na ba? Pagod na akong maglakbay. Pagod na akong maglakad nang walang kasama. Pagod na ako. Pagod na akong sipain ang mga batong nadadaanan ko. Pagod na akong iguhit sa ere ang numero mo. 0, 9, 0,7, 0,1,3, 2, 1… Pagod na akong alalahanin ang mga sinabi mong lugar kung saan tayo magtatagpo. Pagod na akong banggitin nang paulit-ulit ang pangalan mo at ihalintulad ang bawat titik nito sa isang libong bagay. Ano nga ba pangalan mo? Alitaptap? Lobo? Dahon? Relo? Ibon? Nyebe?

Isa... Dalawa… Tatlo… Pagod na akong magbilang ng mga punong nasa paligid ko. Puno. Sa may puno na lamang ako mamamahinga at maghihintay sa pagdating mo. Sa may puno muna ako manganagarap ng mga bagay na pwede kong ibigay at mga bagay na pwede nating gawin pag magkasama na tayo. Sa may puno ko muna iuukit ang mga unang titik ng ating pangalan, aadornohan ko ito nang malaking pusong napapalibutan ng maliliit pang mga puso. Sa may puno ko muna lahat paplanuhin ang pagdating mo sa buhay ko. Sa may puno muna ako makikiusap, mag eensayo ng mga katagang sasabihin ko sayo. Katagang kagaya ng “Mahal na mahal kita”. Sa may puno ko muna ibubulong lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Kagaya ng “Wala ng iba, ikaw lang talaga”. Sa may puno ako titingala at sisilipin, sa pagitan ng mga dahon, ang mga bituing kasing kinang ng ngiti mo. Sa may puno ako aakyat, susubuking abutin ang matatamis mong halik at sa mga sanga muna ako mamamahinga, iisiping mga kamay mo ito na niyayapos ang buong diwa ko, pinapawi ang lungkot, pagod, takot. Sa puno muna ako hihimlay ng saglit, mag-iisip, magsusulat, lalakbay nang nakapikit at papasukin ang mundo mo, ang mundo ko, iisipin kung anong mangyayari kapag pinag-isa ang mga ito, mag-iisip, pipikit. Saglit.

Andito ka na pala. Patawa-tawa. Hindi mo man lang naisipang tanungin kung ilang oras na akong nag-isip, naglakad, nagbilang, nagpasya, nag-antay.

Tatawa-tawa ka pa habang sinabing “Makata ka pala”. Makata? Ako? Hindi ako gaanong magaling.

Hindi ako marunong gumawa nang musikang magpapagalaw sa mga letra at bubuo nang mga matatamis na katagang kukumpas, iindayog, susunod sa mga ritmo at gagayahin ang tunog ng bawat salitang kanilang nabuo. Hindi ako marunong. Hindi gaano. Sabi mo tuturuan mo ako. Ikaw? Tuturuan

ako? Sabi mo ikumpara kita sa iba’t-ibang bagay at matututunan kong unawain ang nasa paligid ko; matututunan kong maintindihan lahat ng kaganapan sa mundo. Matututunan kitang mahalin.

Matututunan kong gumawa nang ritmo, matututunan kong pakinggan ang boses mo; matututunan kong pagmasdan ang iyong galaw at tumingin saiyong mukha. Matututunan kong tumula.

Para kang bulaklak sa aking paningin, sumasama sa anumang sayaw ng hangin. Para kang musika na ‘pag kumanta, napakasarap sa tenga. Para kang axis ng planeta ko, dahil sayo lang umiikot ang mundo ko.

Para kang tubig, para kang hanging, para kang apoy, para kang papel, para kang pag-ibig, para kang kung ano-ano pa. Ngunit kahit saan pa ka ikumpara, sayo’y wala ng hihigit pa.

Sabi mo magaling na ako. Maglalaro na lang tayo ng taguan. Sabi mo, masaya ‘yon. Ako taya. Pumunta ako sa may puno. Nagbilang hanggang sampu.

Isa… dalawa… tatlo… apat… lima… anim… pito… walo… siyam… sampu…

Pagdilat nang aking mga mata… *Tik. Tak. Tik. Tak. Tik. Tak. Hapon. Sa tapat ng simbahan. Sa likod. Sa may parke. Sa may puno. Nakatulog na pala ako, dalidaling bumangon at naglakad. Wala akong ibang marinig kundi ang pagpatak ng oras sa tuwing ako’y humahakbang. Hawak ang isang maliit na blangkong kwaderno at lapis na bagong tasa; nag lalakad magisa. Naglalakad ng walang kasama, wari’y nais may makilala, makipagkuwentuhan at makakasama sa pag-alis ng umaga’t pagdating ng gabi. Nakayukong ulo, mga matang nakatitig sa paang lakad ng lakad na tila hindi alam kung saan pupunta ngunit nais na mapadpad sa sa kinaroroonan mo. Naglakad-lakad ako patungo sa kung saan matatagpuan ang walang humpay na kaligayahan. At yun ay sa’yo. Sa tabi mo.

AL MNT K / / 3 3

NANATILING APAT ANG ANGHEL Matt

W

alang magandang wakas ang kwentong ito….ngunit may magandang simula.

Ang kalansing ng baryang dala-dala ni Magda ang bumubuhay sa batugan niyang ama. Si Kardo. Ang humigitkumulang isang daang piso na kinita sa paglalako ng sampaguita sa bukana ng simbahan ang pinambibili niya ng isang kilong bigas at sardinas na magpapakain sa apat niya pang kapatid. Matagal na ring wala ang kanyang ina; na ani ng ama’y nagtaksil at sumama sa ibang lalaki kaya ayaw na nababanggit ang pangalan nito. Si Martha. Ang ilaw ng tahanang napundi dahil sa walang habas na pananakit ng kanyang asawa kapag nakaka-droga na nagtulak kay Martha para tuluyan itong iwan pati na rin ang kanyang mga anak.Nawasak ang pamilya ng batang si Magda.

Labindalawang taong gulang pa lang si Magda ay pasan na niya ang kanyang pamilya. Siya ang nagsilbing ilaw at haligi nito habang ang kanilang magulang ay nabubuhay sakanya-kanya nitong langit –ang tatay sa droga at ang nanay naman ay sa bago nitong pamilya.

Ang bawat hipo ni Kardo sa balinkinitang hita ni Magda kapag ito ulol sa droga ang hudyat ng impyernong sinasapit ng nenang walang ibang ginawa kundi ang magsakripisyo. At nanatili itong lihim dahil buhay ng kanyang nakakabatang kapatid ang magiging kapalit. Nagpatuloy ang mga ito hanggang sa ang dating nena ay tuluyan ng naging dalaga na mistulang manikang maaaring paglaruan ng sinoman.

Iyon ang naging hudyat para ilako ni Kardo ang kanyang manika sa iba. Wala ng nagawa si Magda dahil wala na rin siyang naiisip na maaaring trabaho sapagkat wala itong pinag-aralan. Tuluyan ng nilamon ang pagkatao ni Magda ng kahalayan.

Namanhid na ang buong katawan ni Magda tuwing may pinag-aalayan siya ng sarili subalit naiba ang lahat sa pagdating ng isang binata. Si Lino. Isang gabi lamang niya naranasan ang langit sa piling ng isang anghel at hinanap-hanap na niya iyon. Tila isang sagot sabawat bulong niyang panalangin ang pagdating ni Lino sa kanyang buhay. Marahil isang gabing ligaya lang iyon ngunit langit ang kanyang naramdaman. Pag-ibig ba ang tawag rito?Naaalala pa niya ang bawat haplos at bawat halik na sa wari niya’y naaalala rin ito ni Lino.

Umaga na naman nang umuwi si Lino sa malapalasyo nitong bahay. Totoo nga ang kasabihang, “aanhin ang bahay na bato kung nakatira ay kuwago” na sinasalamin ng sitwasyon ni Lino, nanay nitong si Martha at bunso nitong kapatid na si Anna. Matagal nang patay ang ama ni Lino dahil sa hindi inaasahan trahedya –namatay ito habang nakikipag-engkwentro sa mga drug pushers sa lugar kung saan niya nakilala ang magandang babaeng nakasipi niya kagabi. Ano nga bang pangalan no’n? Napakagaling nya kasi.

Pero alam niyang may mahahanap pa siyang mas magaling.

34 / / A L M N T K

Si Anna. Ang tanging naabutan ni Lino sa bahay na nakababad na naman sa telepono sa may sala at hindi lamang napansin ang pagpasok ng kanyang kuya. Laki sa luho, clingyat sakit sa ulo ng kanyang kuya at ina. Isang tipikal na dalagang nilamon ng teknolohiya ang buhay. Hindi kayang mabuhay na wala ang social media, night life, gimmicks, parties at kung anu-ano pang bagay na hindi naman nakakatulong sa pagpapatatag ng kanyang kinabukasan o maging sap ag-mature nito sa buhay. Wala siyang pakialam sa kung ano ang maaaring mangyari bukas hanggat ang kanyang gusto ay naibibigay. Hanggang ang kanyang gusto ay nasusunod. Sapat na ang limang libo mula sa kanyang ina. Si Martha. Tulad marahil ng karamihan sa kabataan ngayon, kaunti na lang at patapon na ang buhay.

Nagpapakakuba sa pagkayod at pagpapatakbo ng kanyang negosyo si Martha upang maibigay lamang sa kanyang dalawang anak ang maranyang pamumuhay na hindi niya naibigay sa una nyang anak. Ang pagkukulang na iyon ang nag-udyok sa kanya na magpursige para balang araw mahanap at mabawi niya ang mga inabanduna nyang anak. Ibangiba na si Martha.Isang huwarang babae na nakaahon mula sa napakalaking dagok ng kanyang buhay. Isang survivor. Isang empoweredna babae, nagbibigay din ng oportunidad sa kapwa nya mga ilaw ng tahanan.

Subalit hindi niya napapansin ang dating maliwanag na ilaw ay unti-unting nagdidilim at hindi na kayang bigyang tanglaw ang mga pinag-aalayan niya ng tagumpay matapos ng lahat ng pangyayari.

Hindi na bumalik si Lino. Isang trahedya ito para sa magiging pamilya ni Magda. Tama! Nagkabunga ang isang gabing langit na pakiramdam na iyon.

Nakakatiyak si Magda na kay Lino ang bata; marahil madami na siyang pinag-alayan ng katawan ngunit kay Lino lamang siya nag-alay ng buong-buo. Si Lino ang tanging hinalikan nya sa labi. Si Lino ang tangi kong minahal kahit sa isang gabi na iyon. Malungkot si Magda sa hindi pagbabalik ni Lino sa piling nito.

Marahil tama nga ang kanyang palagay, isang gabi lang sya ng kahalayan. Isang gabi na nasundan pa ng kahalintulad na gabi. Walang pagkakaiba. Walang espesyal. Isang gabing binayaran lamang para sa isang aliw, sa simula pa lamang.

Nagdaan pa ang mga araw at bumilog na ang bahay-bata ni Magda. Labis itong kinagalit ni Kardo dahil nangangahulugan lamang ito ng pagtigil niya sa paglalako ng aliw. Si Magda ang pinakamabenta; si Magda lang ang meron siya. Masyadong mahaba ang siyam na buwan para mabakante ang upuan nya sa sugalan.Masyadong mahaba para mawalan siya ng hihithitin tuwing umaga. Kaya sa kanyang utos, kailangan ni Magda na ipalaglag ang bata dahil kung hindi ang kanyang kapatid ang sasalo ng kanyang trabaho.

Ayaw man niya itong gawin pero wala na siyang maisip na ibang paraan –kailangan niyang lumayo sa

ama. Kailangan niyang gawin ito para sa kinabukasan ng kanyang magiging anak. Patawad mahal kong mga kapatid. Iniwan ni Magda ang pinakamamahal niyang mga kapatid. Nauulit muli ang pagkakamaling ginawa ng kanyang ina.

Sa tulong ng isang pirasong papel, natagpuan ni Magda ang bahay ni Lino. Napakalaki. Malapalasyo.

Marahil isang masayang pamilya ang nakatira rito.

Sa kanyang pagkatok ay kasabay rin ang pagbukas ng pinto na sumambulat ang mukha ni Martha. Masyado na ring matagal nang iwan sila ng ina kaya hindi niya ito nakilala. Sa pagbabakasali, tinanong ni Magda ang babaeng nagbukas ng gate kung nasaan si po Lino.

Pinatuloy siya ni Matha sa loob ng bahay upang malaman ang kanyang pakay sa kanyang anak. Si Lino ay hindi pa rin umuwi sa kanilang bahay, isang buwan na rin ang nakalilipas. Hindi tumatawag o di kaya’y nagpasabi man lang. Labis ng nag-aalala si Martha sa kalagayan ng anak. Nagbabakasakali si Martha na alam ni Magda kung nasaan ang kanyang anak ngunit wala rin namang alam ito. Magpapaalam na si Magda ngunit inalok ni Martha ang dalaga na doon na mananghalian. Naging magaan ang kanyang pagtanggap niya sa dalaga sa hindi niya malamang rason.

Hindi na nakatanggi si Magda sa pagpupumilit ni Martha. Silang dalawa lamang ang nasa hapag kainan. Palaging ganito ang hapg na meron sila. Ang akala niyang malaki, malapalasyong bahay ay may masayang pamilya ay tulad din na kanyang pamilya na may masalimoot na istorya. Naging magiliw ang kwentuhan ng dalawa. Tila dala na rin ng pananabik na may makasama sa hapag kapag kumain, naparami rin ang kanyang kwento. Naitanong ni Martha kung ano ang pakay ng dalaga sa kanyang anak na muntik niya ng makaligtaan.

Nagsimula ng tumangis ang dalaga sa pagkwento ng kanyang naranasan. Ani niya, maaaring hindi tanggapin ni Lino ang kanyang magiging anak sa kadahilang isa siyang bayarang babae. Labis ang pagtangis ni Magda sa harap ni Martha na lubos na niya namang inuunawa. May punto ang dalaga, na baka nagkakamali lamang siya. Subalit, hindi ang pagkatao ni Magda ang rason para husgahan niya ito.

Babae siya at alam niya kung ano ang pakiramdam na husgahan na walang basehan. Inalok ni Martha na manatili muna ito sa kanyang poder upang mabigyan ng kalinga. Kung ano man ang katotohanan sa likod ng tunay na katauhan ng batang dinadala ni Magda, wala na siyang pakialam. Tutulungan at tutulungan niya pa rin ito.

Pinahanda ni Martha ang bakanteng kwarto at doon pinagpahinga si Martha. Alas onse. Wala pa rin ang kanyang bunsong anak na si Anna. Napapadalas ang pag-uwi ng ganitong oras. Hindi niya iniisip na nakakatulog na kanyang ina sa paghihintay sa kanya.

Hindi niya na inisip na may nag-aalala sa kanya.

Hindi niya iyon iniisip. Marami ng hindi alam ang kanyang ina sa mga pinaggagawa niya.

Makalipas ang pitong buwan. Matapos bawian ng buhay si Magda sa panganganak dahil sa komplikasyon sa kanyang obarya, nakatanggap si Martha ng text mula sa opisina ng kanyang anak.

Nakabalik na si Lino, ngunit bangkay na ito. Matapos ang halos siyam na buwan na operasyon para matunton ang kuta ng sindikatong nagpapatakbo ng droga sa kanilang lugar naging matagumpay ito.

Ngunit tulad ng kanyang ama, napatay ito habang nakikipag-engkwentro. May liham na iniwan si Lino sa kanyang ina.

Nay, Alam kong iiyak ka ng sobra kapag nabasa mo na itong sulat ko. Siyam na buwan rin po akong nawalat at alam kong walang oras ang lumipas na hindi kayo nag-aalala sa’kin. Ginawa kop o iyon para mabigyan ang pagkawala ni tatay at sa awa ng Diyos ay nagtagumpay naman po kami. Bukas po ay pupuksain na naming ang kuta ng mga drug lords at

drug pushers na salot na ng ating lugar. Pero bago po maging huli ang lahat, nais ko pong magpasalamat sa inyo. Nay, salamat sa pag-aaruga, pagkalinga at pagturing mo sa’kin bilang anak mo na hindi ko naramdaman sa tunay kong nanay. Salamatt po. Nay, hindi ko alam kung ano ang maaaring mangyari, kaya nais kong sabihin na nahanap ko na siya. Nahanap ko na po si Magda, ang nawawala niyong anak. Nakilala ko siya bilang isang bayarang babae pero alam kong malinis ang kanyang puso. Naramdaman ko po iyon. Pasensya nap o Nay, kung hindi ko na nahingi ang permiso nyo bago ko gawin ‘yon pero pangako ko hahanapin ko siya at pakakasalan –‘yon kung hahayaan nyo po ako. Alam ko pong nasa dating address pa rin siya nakatira. Hanggang dito na lang muna itong sulat ko. Pagbalik ko sa bahay kasama ko na po ang anak niyo. I love you Nay! Lino Hindi natigil sa pagtangis si Martha matapos mabasa ang sulat. Dalawang anak ang nawala sa kanya. Tila pinagsakluban siya ng langit at lupa sa trahedyang nangyari sa buhay nya sa mga oras na iyon. Trahedya. Ang haguhol na umaalingawngaw sa bawat sulok ng kwarto ang nagsilbing musika ng paligid. Walang magawa si Martha kundi sisihin ang kanyang sarili. Trahedya. Alam niyang hindi pa ito ang wakas ng kwento sapagkat may biyayang hulog ng langit –si Lena, ang anak ni Magda at Lino.

Isang umaga, habang nag-aalmusal ang mag-ina.

Biglang naduwal si Anna. Natuklasan ni Martha na tatlong buwan ng buntis ang anak. At hindi niya kilala kung sino ang ama. Naghalong galit, tuwa at sakit ang nadarama ni Martha sa mga oras na’yon. Niyakap niya ang umiiyak na si Anna. Isang biyaya ang dinadala mong bata, magpasalamat tayo sa Diyos.

Mahal na mahal kita anak. Sabay nating palalakihin si Lena at ang magiging anak mo.

Maraming Salamat Nay. Mahinang bulong ni Anna.

AL MNT K / / 3 5

Naging bulag ako, hindi ko agad napansin Ang nasa harap ko pala’y nakatalikod na salamin Saka ko lang dinamdam at binulong sa hangin Ang mukha palang nakita ko’y hindi naman akin Matagal akong nagmasid, at saka nagbigay tiwala Na ang aking katauha’y sa kanya ipangalaga Hindi ko naisip, hindi ko inakala Buhay pa lang pinili ko’y bulgar at walang laya ‘di ko agad nakita, winari kong tama Tuwid na naisip ko’y maling akala Ipinangako ko na noon, hindi na ko madarapa Pero heto ako ngayo’t nakahalik din sa lupa Sino nga ba talaga ako Sa likod ng kaharap ko?

Ako ba’y tapat na tao na sinungaling at manloloko?

Hindi ako naglaho, ako ay nagtatago.

Hindi lingid sa atin ang magkaroon ng mga kaututang-dila Lahat naman siguro tayo ay may kanya-kanyang kaibigan Subalit minsa’y aabot sa puntong tayo’y magtatanong Ang mga ito ba ay talagang totoo?

‘DI NAGLAHO Noli G. Ama

Sila yung mga taong tila rugby kung kasama Dahil sa iba talaga ang tama nila Na tila ba takas sa mental Kapag nagtipon-tipon na.

Hindi mawawala ang kwentuhan Yung tipong magtataka ka kung alin lang ang paniniwalaan.

Kaya naman ‘di na maiiwasan ang bukingan Ng mga sekretong tago ng bawat isa.

Nauna ko nang ikwento sa kanila Isang ginoo na sabi ko’y iba Walang kuskos balungos sila’y nasiyahan Hanggang nakagawa na ng iba’t ibang istorya.

Nung minsa’y kasama ko sila sa may labasan Kami at ang ginoo’y pinagtagpo ng mapaglarong tadhana Ako sana’y nakiusap na umakto ng naaangkop Subalit sila’y umasal ng tiwali sa hiningi ko.

Sikretong dapat sana’y nanatili lamang sa amin Kumalat ito na tila ba tangay ng hangin Hindi lubos maisip kung ano na nga ba’ng gagawin Nangyari ang lahat ng wala man lang pasubali.

Sa mga panahong nailuklok ako sa alanganin Minsa’y naisip kong dila nila’y tabasin Kung hindi lang talaga sila mahalaga sa akin Hindi ako mag dadalawang-isip na ito’y gawin.

TABAS DILA Astrophilé 36 / / AL M N T K

HINDI PA NAGHIHILOM Noli G. Ama

M

Dalubhasa kang sa kasalungat nangalaga Aminin mo ma’t sa hindi, ‘di mo rin maitatat’wa Na tao kang may kahinaan at may maling gawa Dahil ikaw ay si Adan at ako nama’y si Eba Sa pagkakaiba nating iyan maraming bagay ang sasambulat Lalaki’y madaling matukso’t, mapangunahan ng balak Hindi man sa pangkalahatan Subalit iya’y sa karaniwan Sa sensitibo kong pagkatao, ‘di mo ako masisisi Na sayo ay matakot, kaba sa’yo ay tumindi Wala akong lakas para lumaban o kaya ay humindi Sa puntong ika’y pangunahan ng ‘yong itim na budhi Patawad kung ako man ngayo’y nagiging matatas Sa aking mga sinabi o aking mga nabigkas Pero kasalanan ko ba ang ngayon pa lang ay umalpas?

Upang pagkababae ko ay manatiling ligtas Oo nga nama’t bakit ako maiilang?, bakit ako matatakot?

Sa panganib at sa peligro marahil ikaw ang aking sagot Subalit pasasaan pa ang bangkang handa sa sigalot?

Kung sa maling lawa naman ako’y papalaot Tao ka rin alam ko kapanalig May pandama’t may pagnais D’yan ka nagkamali, d’yan ka masisisi Kaya’t pagiging sensitibo ko ang tugon sa’yong lihim

SENSITIBO Noli G. Ama

insan tayong nasugatan sa paghahanap ng tunay na kasarinlan.

Nakibaka, nakiisa, nakipagbuno at nakipagkumpetensya. Pero kumusta na nga ba ang kanser ng lipunan na matagal ng naging hadlang sa atin upang tayo ay maging isang maunlad at matatag na bansa?Ano ang mga sikreto sa kabila ng operasyon ng palpak sa ating lipunang ginagalawan?

Sa unang paghakbang natin ay sinalubong nila tayo ng kanilang pag-akay, pinangakuan tayo ng walang kasingtamis napag-aaruga’t walang katulad na pag-aalaga. Sila ang mga taong daig pa ang mga doktor kung makapagbigay nang reseta na anila’y solusyon sa lumulubhang karamdaman ng ating lipunan. Malugod na man natin silang pinagsipili, pinagkatiwalaan at sinuportahan upang kanilang maisakatuparan ang kanilang mga bukambibig.

Daantaon nang nagaganap ang mga eksenang ito.

Paulit-ulit tayong nagpapaloko sa mga manloloko at nag papakatuta sa mga mahilig, magpakaamo. Ilang ‘di makatotohanang operasyon man ang isagawa ng mga nagpapaka-doktor ng bayan na ating mga pinuno, mananatili tayong mga sugatan sa digmaan natin laban sa ating mga sariling kahinaan.

Samu’t saring karamdaman ang patuloy na dinaranas ng Pilipinas, nariyan ang kahirapan, katiwalian sa gobyerno, rebelyon at ang napakasakit sa ulong mga usapin sa maraming aspeto ng ating lipunan. Kulang na lang ay sumailalim tayo sa isang major surgery upang ang mga karamdamang ito’y tuluyan ng maglaho at maging ligtas na ang bawat isa sa atin sa ano mang komplikasyong magiging hatid nito. Subalit, bakit nga ba sa kabila ng ating pagiging mga mulat sa mga problemang ito’y hindi pa natin magawang mapasimulan upang isaayos? Nasaan na ang ating mga dalubhasang nangakong katuparan sa pagresolba ng mga problemang ito? Nasaan na ang kanilang mga kagamitang inihanda nang mga panahong ipinagkatiwala natin sa kanila ang ating mga sarili upang humarap sa isang masinsinang operasyon? Wala na ba ang mga doktor na iyon?

Sa kabila ng ating pagsusumikap, paglaban, at pagsalungat ay nananatiling mga tama ang maling mga gawa, nanatiling mga tuwid ang mga baluktot na pananaw, samantalang ang malaon na nating mga pangarap na kaunlaran para sa bawat isa ay nanatiling malabo at patuloy pang lumalabo sa paglipas ng mga panahon.

Ang kanser ng lipunan na matagal ng inihayag ng ating pamabansang bayani bilang pinakamalalang sakit nito ay nanatili pa ring isang napakalaking balakid para sa ating lahat sa pangkalahatan.

Malamang na sa mga oras na ang bawat isa sa atin ay maging mga alikabok na lamang at umusbong ang susunod na henerasyon ay nariyan pa rin ang karamdamang iyan, patuloy na lumalala, pumipinsala, pumapasakit at pumapatay.

Ito ang katotohanan sa kabilang mga sikretong nakapinid sa ating lipunan. Ang sugat ng mga nangyari sa nakaraan sa kabilang mga panahong lumipas matapos ang mga kaganapan nito ay nanatili pa ring sariwa. Sa konting pagkibo ay humahapdi, kumikirot at nagdurugo. Dahil aminin man natin sa hindi na ang mga ginawang operasyon sa kanser na ito sa ating lipunan ay buhay pa’t hindi pa naghihilom.

AL MNT K / / 3 7

Ako ay nagtungo Sa isang lugar na nakatago.

Ako’y naglakbay Hangin ang aking kasabay.

Sa bawat hakbang Bato’t lupa ang nakaabang.

Kada milya may naghihintay Isa o dalawang punong luntay.

Ang paroroona’y sa kabila Ng bayang nawalang tila bula.

Ito’y hindi mahagilap Nasa ilalim ng maiitim na alapaap.

Nalagpasan ng panahon ‘Di na muling nakaahon.

Isang bayang sa kabila ng lahat Ay hindi dinaraanan ng kidlat.

Milyong kilometrong kable’y ‘di sapat Upang ma-ilawan bayang salat.

Bayan ng pangarap ang turing Na tutupad sa’king bawat hiling.

Ako’y isa lamang sa nangangarap Na marating at malasap Ang tubig at hanging papawi Sa uhaw ng panalanging sana’y di masawi.

PANAGINIP Lea Gerbil

38 / / AL M N T K

Umuwi ang anak ko galing eskwela, Akay-akay ng aking asawa Tuwang-tuwa Kumakaway habang sinisigaw ang salitang “papa!”

Pinakita niya sa akin ang isang larawan Iginuhit n’ya ito sa loob ng paaralan Tumingin s’ya sa akin habang nakangiti Siya raw iyon pag laki.

Binahagi nya sa akin mga ginawa nila kanina Tinanong daw sila ni titser isa-isa “Anong gusto mo paglaki?”

“Guro Doktor Piloto Engineer” Sa loob loob ko “Bakit? Bakit walang sikyu?”

“Gusto kong maging Guro para magturo.”

“Gusto kong maging Doktor para makatulong sa kapwa” “Gusto kong maging Piloto para makalipad sa ibatibang bansa” “Gusto kong maging Engineer para tumayo ng gusali” Sa loob loob ko “Bakit? Ano ba ang sikyu?”

Kung minsan kami’y ang daling tingnan.

Kung minsan kami’y ang daling husgahan “Sikyu na palaging nakaupo?”

“Sikyu na walang ginawa buong araw kundi tumayo?”

“Sikyu na bubuksan ang bag ng papasok, pipindutin ng patpat?”

“Sikyu na palaging tulog?”

“Sikyu na ginagamit ang cellphone habang nasa trabaho?”

“Sikyu na mababa ang sweldo?”

Pumasok ako sa trabaho ng may luha sa pisngi Hawak ko ang litrato ng anak kong si Tuti Siguro nga hindi n’ya ako iniidolo Siguro hindi sapat ang sahod ko Siguro wala syang naririnig na “sir” kadikit ng pangalan ko Siguro ayaw niyang maging ako Masakit man isipin na ganito ang trabaho ko Ngunit alam kong marangal ang gawain ko Pagsisikapan kong makatapos siya ng pag-aaral Upang magkaroon siya ng dangal Mas gugustuhin ko sa anak kong matupad kanyang pangarap Piloto, upang maabot ang mga ulap.

BAKIT WALANG SIKYU? Charlene Kris A. Borbe

AL MNT K / / 3 9

SANGKAP NG MAKULAY KONG LOVE STORY Mervs

M

insan nung bata ako tinanong ko si nanay kung bakit napakasarap ng mga niluluto niyang pagkain, yung tipong makakalimutan mo pangalan mo sa sarap pero sa makailang beses na tinanong ko noon si nanay isa lang lagi ang sagot niya “Dahil sa sekretong sangkap anak”. Di ko naman maintindihan kung bakit kailangan pa itago ni nanay ang sekretong iyon basta ang alam ko lang kailangan kong malaman kung ano yun.

Ako si Unice Maxene Aryanna S. Alonzo pero mas kilala ako bilang Aya, 3rd year HRM student.

Para sa isang taong wala ni konting talento sa pagluluto, nakapagtataka kung bakit ito ang kursong kinuha ko, ewan ko ba siguro inspirado lang talaga akong matuklasan lahat ng sangkap sa mundo para naman malaman ko na yung natatanging sekreto ng nanay ko. Pero ang totoo niyan bukod sa “secret ingredient hunting” kong drama nag enrol din ako dito dahil nandito yung taong secret ingredient ng recipe ng makulay kong love story. Hay! Okay na ang makulay kong one-sided love story.

Halos limang taon na ang nakalipas mula nung makilala ko ang unang lalaking bumihag sa inosente kong puso. High school kami nun ng nakilala ko si Ryan. Magkaklase kami since first year at siya rin ang itinuring kong best friend simula noon ngunit higit pa ang tingin ko sa kanya. Pero kahit anong gawin ko malabo pa yata sa mata ni lola na magustuhan niya ako. Hindi dahil panget ako o hindi ako gustuhin ha ang totoo niyan hindi naman ako panget, ganda ko kaya well medyo kinulang sa height pero keri na at saka matalino’t disente naman ako, totoo nga niyan e simula elementary ay honor student na ako pero ewan ko ba di yata talaga pasado ang credentials ko kay Ryan. Sino ba naman kasing babae ang hindi mahuhulog sa kanya? Matalino, Mabait, Mayaman, Talented, Family-oriented at higit sa lahat saksakan ng gwapo, yun nga lang may problema, ang pinakabigat na rason kung bakit walang pag-asa na maging kami, dahil gwapo rin ang gusto niya.

Oo. Bakla siya. Bakla ang best friend ko. Dugo rin ni Eba ang nananalaytay sa ugat ng taong mahal na mahal ko. Mahirap tanggapin na sa tuwing bibili kami ng pink na ballpen, na sa tuwing sabay kaming magsusukat ng high heels at sa bawat minutong tinatawag niya akong “baks” ay mas lumiliit ang tiyansang magkatotoo ang love story naming dalawa.

Limang taon na pero sa halip na ma turn-off at mawalan ng pag-asa mas lalo pang tumindi ang nararamdaman ko para sakanya. Hindi ako tumigil na subukang ituwid ang baluktot niyang kasarian hanggang isang araw habang inaayos ko ang mga lumang gamit ng lola ko aksidenteng nabuksan ko ang isang notebook kung saan napakaraming nakasulat na recipe. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba ngayon ko lang ito nakita e di sana mas marami na akong alam lutuin ngayon pero ang mas nakapukaw ng aking pansin ay ang isang naiibang pahina kung saan nakasulat

40 / / A L M N T K

ang recipe na naglalaman ng mga kakaibang sangkap, mga sangkap na tila hindi pa naisulat sa mga recipe books na nabasa ko, mga sangkap na maaring magpabago ng lahat.

Isang patak ng dugo.

Isang hibla ng buhok.

Isang pinatuyong sanga.

Isang libong dasal At balde baldeng pag-asa.

Kasabay ng makailang ulit kong paghalo sa mga sangkap na ito sa maliit na kawa sa harap ko ay ang makailang ulit ding pagtatanong sa aking sarili kung tama ba itong ginagawa ko. Pero kung tanging gayuma lamang ang sagot para mahalin ako ni Ryan ng higit pa sa kaibigan, kebs na. Masama? Pwede. Desperado?

Oo. “Ihalo sa inumin o pagkain ng minamahal para sa mas mabisang epekto.” Mag-aapat na oras ko ng hawak ang kapirasong papel na ito na tila sirang plaka nang paulit-ulit rumirehistro sa utak ko ang dapat gawin.

Ilang minuto nalang ay dadating na si Ryan para sabay kaming mananghalian. Nagpresenta na akong orderan siya ng pagkain para mas madali kong maisakatuparan ang aking plano.

Inihalo ko na ang ginawa kong pormula sa kanyang inumin para hindi niya masyadong mahalata.

Matatapos ng kumain si Ryan pero tila hindi niya ginagalaw ang inumin na binili ko para sa kanya. Nagpaalam muna ako para magbanyo sandali para mabawasan naman ang kabang nararamdaman ko. Pagbalik ko sa mesa namin tila nawala lahat ng pag aalinlangan ko nang makita kong ubos na ang laman ng baso ni Ryan.

Natapos ang araw na iyon na hindi ako kinibo ni Ryan pakatapos ng lunch break namin. Malungkot man pero tinanggap ko nalang ang katotohanang maaaring hindi umepekto ang gayumang ginawa ko.

Pagkagising ko kinaumagahan, isang text message agad ang natanggap ko. Galing kay Ryan.

“Baks, hindi ko alam kung kalian ko naramdaman to… pero hindi ko na kayang itago, parang sasabog na ang dibdib ko, Mahal na yata kita baks, mahal na mahal.”

Hindi niyo alam kung gaano ko ginustong yakapin isa-isa ang bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo ng araw na ‘yon, yung tipong lahat yata ng paruparo sa hardin ay nasa tiyan ko at pakiramdam ko 6’8 ang height ko ng mabasa ko ang text na iyon ni Ryan. Simula noon ay unti-unti ng nagbago ang lahat. Walang araw na lilipas na hindi ako nagpapasalamat sa recipe na iyon ni lola dahil sa wakas mahal na rin ako ng taong matagal ng nagmamay-ari ng puso

ko. Naging masaya kami ni Ryan. Hindi man naalis ang pagiging malamya niya pero ramdam ko naman na totoong totoo ang nararamdaman namin para sa isa’t isa.

Makalipas ang tatlong buwan, naging madalang na ang pag hatid at sundo sa’kin ni Ryan at dahil hindi na rin kami magkaklase ngayong sem bihira na rin kaming magkasama. Marami akong naririnig na bulung-bulungan na may iba raw na kinatatagpo si Ryan ngunit hindi ako naniwala dahil alam kong malakas ang bisa ng gayumang ginamit ko sakanya at alam kong mahal niya talaga ako.

Hanggang isang araw ay sinundan ko siya mula sa kanyang classroom. Papunta si Ryan sa isa sa mga secret hideouts ng mga magkakasintahan sa aming paaralan. Nagtaka ako pero pinagpatuloy ko pa rin ang pagsunod sa kanya. At doon ko nakita na magkasama sila ng kaklase ko – si Michael. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko ng mga sandaling iyon.

Takot. Galit. Inis. Basta ang alam ko lang masakit, nasasaktan ako. Alam kong nakita ako ni Ryan kaya’t agad akong tumakbo paalis ngunit hinabol niya ako.

“Baks! Sandali” “Ano? Ipapaliwanag mo sakin kung ano yung nakita ko ha Ryan?! Akala ko ba mahal mo ko tapos ngayon lalaki na naman ang gusto mo? Bakit wala na bang epekto yung gayum-“

“‘Yong gayuma? Oo Aya alam ko ang ginawa mo. Nandon ako sa bahay niyo nung tinatapos mong gawin ang gayuma na ‘yan. Kitang-kita kita habang sinasagawa mo kung anong ritwal habang hawak hawak mo ang picture ko. At talagang ninakaw mo pa yun sa wallet ko at sa tingin mo ba hindi ko man lang naisip na ilalagay mo yun sa inumin o pagkain ko nung nag lunch tayo? Bakla ako Aya pero hindi ako tanga! Sinakyan ko lang ‘yang trip mo para baka sakali makonsensya ka at aminin mo yung maling nagawa mo pero wala e inenjoy mo teh. Ngayon alam mo na yung pakiramdam ng pinaglalaruan. Akala ko ba kaibigan kita ha?!”

Hindi ko na alam kung anong sasabihin ko ng mga panahong iyon. Gusto kong humingi ng tawad at ipaliwanag sa kanya kung bakit ko nagawa yon pero sobrang bigat na ng nararamdaman ko kung kaya’t luha na lamang ang tangi kong naitugon.

Natapos ang taong iyon na hindi kami nag-usap ni Ryan. Naging mahirap ang pagtanggap na hindi lang ang taong pinakamamahal ko ang nawala sa akin kundi pati na rin ang aking pinakamatalik ng kaibigan. Hindi naging madali mag move on pero wala akong magagawa kundi tanggapin na nagkamali ako at di ko na mababawi ang mga maling nagawa ko. Ang mahalaga’y natutunan ko ang ilan sa pinakamahahalagang leksyon sa buhay ko.

Makalipas ang ilang buwan ay nagkita kaming muli ni Ryan. Lumipat na siya ng pinapasukang unibersidad pero sabay pa rin kaming magtatapos sa parehong kurso.

“Kumusta ka na, Ryan?”

“Hmp. Eto mabuti naman, kaka-recover ko lang sa trauma na dinulot ng pa gayuma mong eksena noon haha” “Haha masyado ka pa ring mapagbiro. Pero sorry talaga, ha? Sana, okay na tayo. Hayaan mo di na yun mauulit ever. At saka, natutunan ko na rin ang mga leksyon ko, no?”

“Buti naman. Ikaw naman kasi ba’t di mo na lang sinabi kaagad na may pagnanasa ka pala sa beauty ko e di sana napag-usapan natin ng maayos. Pinilit mo pa kong maging si Captain Barbell eh alam mo namang si Darna ang peg ko” Nagtawanan nalang kami ni Ryan kasabay ng mga pangakong patuloy pa rin kaming magiging magkaibigan sa kabila ng mga nangyari. At sa pagbuo ko ng recipe ng aking buhay may mas mahahalagang sangkap pa pala akong dapat na matutunan – ang pagtanggap at pagtitiwala. At sa kabila ng mga pagkakamali’t pagsisisi nahanap ko pa rin ang sagot sa tanong na matagal nang nakatago sa isip ko. Ang sekretong sangkap sa mga masasarap na luto ni nanay - ang pagmamahal. Dahil hindi mo man sigurado kung magugustuhan at mamahalin din nila ang luto mo pupunuin mo pa rin ito ng wagas at walang hinihintay na kapalit na pagmamahal dahil alam mong ang mga taong mahal mo’t importante sa’yo ang kakain nito.

AL MNT K / / 41

KANYANG PUNTO Precious Kacy D. Faraon

I

sa akong bakla.

Subalit, di tulad ng iba, hindi ko kailangan mag-bihis o hitsurang babae. Hindi ko iniipit ang boses ko para lang tuminis, at hindi rin ako nagsuot ng daster ni Mama nung ako’y bata pa.

Ayos lang sa’kin kung paano ako manamit ngayon at matawag na lalaki.

Wala akong sinasabing may mali sa mga bagay na ito. Katuayan, hinahangaan ko silang mga gaya ko na may kalayaang kamtan kung ano ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sa kanila, kahit na pagkatuwaan sila. Ngunit, isa rin ito sa mga bagay na ipinagkaiba ko sa kanila. Wala akong tapang para umamin. Wala akong lakas ng loob.

Bakit?

Natatakot kasi akong mawalan ng taong mahalaga sa akin.

Dahil kahit sabihin pa nilang namumuhay tayo sa isang malayang bansa, nariyan pa rin ang panghuhusga sa puso at isip ng ibang tao. Yung mga taong hindi maiwasang manlait. Bakla! Tomboy!

Ginagawa pang pang-iinsulto ang mga salitang sumasalamin—hindi, mga salitang simbolo ng pagkatao namin.

Sige, tawagin niyo akong duwag. Hindi ko itatanggi dahil totoo naman.

Mula nang matuklasan kong bakla ako nung elementarya hanggang sa nag-kolehiyo ako, itinago ko ang pagkatao ko mula sa magulang, kapatid, at kaibigan ko. Hindi ko kasi kayang sikmurain kung sakaling husgahan nila ako. Minsan ko na kasing narinig yung tatay ko na magsalita nang hindi kanaisnais patungkol dun sa anak ng kapit-bahay namin na bakla palang gaya ko.

Lumipas ang panahon na ako lang ang nakakaalam, walang pinag-sasabihan. At sa mga panahong iyon, habang kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko, napansin kong tila palaging bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko tuwing nakikita at nakakasama ko ang isa sa kanila—ang pinakamatalik kong kaibigan na isang lalaki. Nung una’y hindi ko ito pinag-tuunan ng pansin. Siya kasi ang pinakamalapit kong kaibigan, sabi ko sa sarili ko, malamang matutuwa ka.

Kaming dalawa ang palaging magkasama sa aming magbabarkada. Sabi nila parang kaming pinagbiyak na bunga—hindi dahil sa magka-mukha kami pero dahil halos pareho ang ugali at mga hilig namin.

Madalas din na nagsasarili kaming dalawa ng lakad gaya nung pagligo sa ilog nang kami’y labing-apat na taong gulang.

Sumagi sa isip ko na paano kaya kung sabihin ko sa kanya ang totoo? Tatanggapin niya pa rin kaya ako?

Dahil sapat na sa akin na maging kaibigan ko lang siya dahil alam kong hindi siya tulad ko. Nagkaroon na nga rin siya ng ilang mga girlfriend. Kaya gaya ng dati, itinikom ko lang ang bibig ko at hinayaan.

Dumating ang panahon na inisip kong subukan rin na makipag-date sa babae, dahil malay mo? Baka hindi naman talaga ako bakla, baka nalilito lang.

42 / / A L M N T K

Pero kahit anong gawin ko, sa matalik na kaibigan ko pa rin tumitibok ang puso ko.

May mga nabasa na akong libro na may mga tauhan na sa una’y itinago rin nila ang kanilang pagkatao pero nagkaroon rin sila ng lakas ng loob—o kaya naman ipinagkaloob na sa kinala ng pagkakataon—para sabihin ang totoo.

Kaya naisip ko, kung kaya nila, kaya ko rin.

Ngunit, dapat pala hindi ko na ginaya kung ano man ang nakasulat sa mga librong tulad noon. E di sana naiwasan kong magkamali ng oras na napili, at ng taong napagsabihan.

Ang matalik kong kaibigan, ang taong mahal ko.

Siya ang napili kong unang pagsabihan. Naisip ko kasi na matagal na rin naman kaming magkaibigan, siguro naman matatanggap niya ako. Siya rin kasi ang taong pinaka-pinagkakatiwalaan ko.

Sinabi ko sa kanyang mahal ko siya nang higit pa sa isang kaibigan.

Nagkamali ako ng husto.

Hindi ko inaasahan ang sakit na nadama ko ng pinandirihan niya ako. Hindi niya man sinabi ay kitang-kita ko naman sa mukha niya. Sabi ko pa sa kanya wala naman akong inaasahan mula sa kanya, basta manatili lang kaming mag-kaibigan. Ang sagot niya’y huwag na raw ako magpapakita sa kanya.

Hindi ako nagalit. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit siya nagkaganoon. Matinding kalungkutan lang ang naramdaman ko.

Nang araw na iyon nawala sa akin ang isa sa pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko. Nakakahiya man aminin ngunit pati ang mumunting lakas na loob na naipon ko para sabihin ang katotohanan sa pamilya’t mga kaibigan ko ay naglaho. Kaya nga lubos akong namamangha sa lahat ng miyembro ng LGBT na hindi hinayaang maging sagabal ang opinyon ng iba para mamuhay sila ng malaya at masaya.

Dasal ko na lang na sana kapag dumating ulit ang pagkakataon na maglakas loob akong ibukas ang bibig ko at lumabas sa pinagtataguan ko, sana tamang tao naman ang makikinig at sasalubong sa akin.

Sana.

ALIMANTAK

Uya na naman an malipot na duros kan Disyembre Kimat-kimat na ilaw sa christmas tree Mga ilusyong mahahamis an ngisi Gabos na ini Nagsisiring sa wara kong kalag.

Kinikitik an mapisawpisaw kon lugad Dulot an hararum asin makuring lanit Pagirumdom na iyo, Ngunyan, kamundagan ni Hesu Kristo, Mantang dayaday an kaugmahan kan kinaban Ako uya, Namumundo.

Naghuhurop-hurop.

Nagbabasol.

Nangangadyi.

Ta ako solo na sana.

Kawasa nangbaya ka.

Dae ka pa nauntok talaga Huminanap ka tulos nin iba.

PAS[T]KO MJLA

44 / / AL M N T K

STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE Celestia

Ako minsan nakulgan Kan igwa ako kaidtong namomótan Pagmating dae ko malilingawan Ta grabe kong pagkamoot na namamatian.

Sabi ko sa sadiri ko, tano ta ginibo niya ini sako?

Pinadangat ko man siya nin udok sa puso Ano an ginibo ko ta ako kinulgan?

Siguro igwa na siyang ibang namomótan.

Nag abot an panahon na siya sako ng nalingawan Pagkamoot na halos dae ko mamatian Minsan pa ngani dae ko siya nagirumduman Ta huli ta ako maogma na ngonyan.

Maray pang pag-adal na sana an sakuyang isipon Ta aki pa man ako kun tutuoson Buhay ko muna an sakuyang aayuson Ta reserba ko ini sa maabot na panahon.

KANIGUAN Anjiebels

Arog ni Grace, ako may puso.

Arog ni Rody, ako seryoso.

Arog ni Mar, ako dae maloko.

Arog ni Miriam, ako dae masuko.

Arog ni Binay, gigibuhon ko gabos, makua lang an saimong iyo.

PRESIDENTIAL LOVE MJLA

A

n CAKE garo sana IKA. Aram mo kun tano?

Uni ta tatawan takang i-steps nin paggibong cheesecake na haloy ko nang tinatago tapos sikreto para lang saimo.

Madya ta tukduan.

Enot, IPREPARA AN KAIPUHAN GAMITON. Iyo tama si pakabasa mo. Pakarayon mo na an sadiri tapos gamit mo ta dae mo aram kun pano ako magtukdo. Istrikto pati akong maray tapos mayong pundong kakatalak sa gabos na gigibuhon mong sala. Dae ko ngani aram kun beginner ka igdi o may experience na ta sa sobrang dakol kan namomótan mo, gabos mo ginibuhan.

Ikaduwa, RUNUTON MO AN GRAHAM CRACKERS. Ay dae kana sa step na ni, ako na lang sana ta mas makusog pa an pagrunot ko saimo ay este kan biskwit palan. Para mas madali an pagrunot, isipon mo kun para kiisay ini. Kun ako magibo, ika iisipon ko ta nakaka-irita ka ta ika-pira na baya ako sa buhay mo? Nagma-marathon lang kami adi? Irinutan sana.

Ikatolo, HALUON AN ASUKAR TAPOS BUTTER SA RINUNOT NA CRACKERS. An bilis kan pag ikot kang mixer ito dapat naka-max para mabilis, garo man lang sana kun gano mo pinaikot an buhay ko. Nalula akong maray. Tináwan mo akong mahahamis na tataramon , nagkaturunaw pati si hawak ko garo sana si butter kan nadangog ko iyan.

Ikaapat, SA SUWAY NA LÁGANAN, HALUON AN CREAM CHEESE TAPOS CONDENSE MILK. Dakulan mo an cream cheese tapos kapalan mo ta garo sana pagmumukha mo makapalon na maray. Tapos ‘yan pang condense, mapuluton baga yan adi? Garo ika, kun siisay nalang nagdudurukot saimo, dae pati naghaharali.

Ikalima, PALISON AN CRACKERS ASIN FILLING SA BAKING PAN TAPOS I-BAKE NIN SARONG ORAS. An oras nin pag-bake depende, garo sana kan aldaw na nagdate kita, pinahalat mo akong tulong oras, dae ka nagbutwa. Ano naman yan ay. Nag-irinit si payo ko kaidto nag 160 celsius (tamang init sa oven) Panghuri, IKAAG SA REF, PALIPUTON NIN APAT NA ORAS. TAPOS KUN GUSTO MO, LÁGAN MO NIN TOPPINGS. An namamati na lipot kan cheescake sa ref garo sana feelings ko saimo, ang cold ko. Tama na habo ko na. Tapos palan, strawberry an masiram na toppings dyan. Puso baga ang itsura kaan, may kambal na strawberry ka pa ngani naaraman. Bangaon mo sa duwa ang strawberry tapos ilaag mo sa magkasuway na porsyon kan cheesecake. Garo ika tapos ako, binanga mo tapos sinuway mo pa.

O, tapos na an satuyang masiram na cheesecake, ubuson mo iyan, sa sobrang kapal kang cake, dae ka man sana mapádokan. Dae man sa mapaiton ako, sadyang ginibo mo akong arog kaini. Pahiling man daw kan steps mo...

AL MNT K / / 45

Nag-impake Naglayas Gabos dinulagan Dae nagpaaram kun sain maduman Nagderetso Nagliko Nagpundo Nakaabot man nanggad sa tapat nin sarong pinto Nagkatok Nagkurahaw Nagsipa Dae pa giraray nagbubuka Nagkarulugad Naghalat Napaturog Sarado man giraray pagmuklat Nagdapa Nagsirip Nagdangog May tao palan sa laog Kaya uruutro na namang nagkatok Nagkurahaw Nagsipa Alagad dae pa giraray nagbubuka Kita sana An nakakaaram kan mga nangyari Kan satong mga agi-agi Mga bagay na dai ta man nanggad ipinagsabi.

Nin huli ta kita pirmi sanang ibanan pamahaw, pangudto sagkod sa pamanguihan Hanggang sa pag-adal asin sa grupong sinalihan Solido talaga an satong ibanan.

Hanggang sa sarong aldaw naaraman ko Nag-iiba ka sa sarong grupo na nagpapabago sa pagtubod mo Sa inot ako naeengganyo man magsunod Alagad dai ako napaunrahan kan panahon.

Dai naghaloy ika nagbago An sakong barkada biglang dai ko na bisto Ano man nanggad an mga tinukdo saimo Ta ika hinulma sa bagong pagkatao?

Ako naanggot sa nag-alok saimo Sabay kan pagbasol na ika pinabayaan ko Lugod kuta ika nasalbar ko Karap-karap lugod ako nin solusyon.

Sa ngunyan mayo na akong bareta tungkol saimo Pero nag-aasa ako na maray an kamugtakan mo.

Tandaan mo na kita sana an nag-aaram kan gabos Kita sana, barkada ko.

KITA SANA AstrophilĂŠ 46 / / A L M N T K

Naghingal Nagtukaw Nagpahingalo muna Ako nakasandig sa pader na pula Nagkariribok Nagbaha Naglinog Biglang luminuwas su taong nahiling sa laog Kaya nagdali-dali Nagtindog Nagdalagan Baka buka pa su pinto pagnaabutan Nagkatok Nagkurahaw Pinirit bukaan Nyata ining pinto sarado na naman?

Naghingal Nagruluya Naghigda Ako nakalupasay sa salog na pula Habo na magkatok Pagal na mag kurahaw Kaya isinurat nalang An istorya kan pinto nin puso mo na dae ko mabukaan

AN ISTORYA KAN PINTO NA DAE KO MABUKAAN Ruby Jane L. Bandola

Ala una na.

Mau pa nanggad siya.

Nakakaraot lang nin pamayo.

Huli ta siya an may trabaho Akala mo siya na si mauragon.

Makatungga nguna daw May pulutan pa man akong isaw Sarong boteng miguelito man sana Alagad ako makaturog man muna Digdi sa samuyang sofang asul.

Napagmata ako Maribok sa itaas kan kwarto Baad si misis ko na an yaun digdi Ngata ta dai lamang ako kaini pinaisi?

Buot kong sermunan sa matangang pagabot Iba an yaun.

Sarong lalaking halangkaw asin ubanon Nakangisi sa luma ming salming sa may trangkahan Nagpabistong boss ni misis sa paimprentahan Naghahalat daa siya para saindang duwa Nagdiklum sakuyang paghiling Tigdalagan ko asin pigtangko nin husay sa salming Pinanga ako asin perang beses na makusog sinapak Tyempong nakakapot akong bubog para pansaksak Dinali ko saiyang tulak nin limang beses Dai ko na aram.

Natatakot ako asin dai na halos makataram Dai ko na nahale pa si bubog sa saiyang salud Dali-dali ko siyang pigbaba sa sala habang guyudguyud Asin nadangog ko an pagbukas nin pwertahan Uyana si Jane Marla.

Bigla nalang naghibi asin natulala Ngalas ko ta mayo man gadan na niluwas ko haling kwarto O ngata ta garo basa an sakuyang puting sando?

Alagad nakatadum palan sa sakuyang tulak si bubog kan salming.

BUBOG NIN SELOS D.F.D

An sadit na bagay an nahihiling mo na inot Pero an sala na pandiurag dae kang pakilabot Tano arog kaan an saimong sistema?

Madayaon baga, hain an hustisya?

Tigbayadan ko ang sakong pagkakasala Pirang bulan akong sa selda nagpalapa Kaya dapat sanang ako makawara na Sa kadena asin sa mata nin saimong inhustisya!

Tighira ko man sana an sakong kiluhan Asin nasaruan an pira tawo man lang Pero si ibang an tigdaya buong kinaban Iyong may kapot nin mga tukawan Tano arog kaini an sistemang igwa kita?

Tano naiinot an kapakanan kan pipira?

Tano an hiling samu dakulang pagkakasala?

Tano kun sisay pa an maykaya, iyong dakol an pasobra?

Naheherak ako saimo, Javert.

Ta an mga ordinansa na kinakaputan mo Bako para sa gabos an tinataong serbisyo Nakalingaw sa pagkasararo, nakalingaw na samo.

Pira pa an arog mo na maakusar sa arog ko?

JAVERT Prisoner 24601 AL MNT K / / 47

Namarapara ako sa tahaw nin banggi nin huli ta an sakong tugang igot sa paghibi Pirit na inaalo an sadiri sa irarum kan saiyang ulunan basa ng grabe “Naano ka, noy?” Hapot ko saiya Simbag niya, si saiyang pinapasyaran may bata ng iba “Hadaw? Akala ko kamong duwa” Pilling-piling an soltero, dae ngaya.

Napirit ko siya mag-istorya sa’ko Lugod naaraman kong si babae nagloko Nakipagbalikan sa lalakeng taga-Triangulo Si dating ilusyon na haloy ng mayo “Huna ko te, ako na an padangat” Mawot kan tugang kong nawalat “Huna ko te, ako saiya lang pinapahalat-halat.”

Paglaom kan tugang kong naglalanat Herak man kang aking niyo, sa isip-isip ko Whatever, I feel you Pagmating aram na aram ko kung ano Paglaom na iyong gayo mang ugwa ako Kahaputan na dae nasimbag ni saro.

Pano ko daw maagapan an kulog na ugwa siya Ni dae ko aram kun tama na kami makulugan pa Sa mga taong pinadangat mi habang moot pa sa dati ninda Saka, bakong sabi ‘mayo man bagang kita’?

Ay abaana, santisima!

“Gusto niya pa palan ito, nag iyo na siya sako.

Tano, ate, pano Anong nangyare samo?”

Puon pa lang igwa na kitang sparks Bako sanang arog kan kuru-kuryente Na namamatean ‘pag nagkadukutan An mga braso sa de-erkon na lugar Bako.

Satuya, itong klase na nag-iirilaw an langit Garo ara-aldaw bagong taon Maogmahon kada aldaw Mala ta YOLO pirmi an satuyang motto Alagad kuminukusog ini habang naghahaloy Bako na sanang sparks ta kuryente na palan Bako sanang arog kan nagpapa-ilaw bombilya Bako.

Ini itong kuryenteng nakakagadan Bako na sana ining sparks Garo man sana ako nagsaksak charger sa diklom Ralahos Saralto Asta napasala ning kapot Nabigla Nakulgan Binutasan Kan nakuryente na Makulog palan sa kamot.

NAGKAKAPA SA DIKLOM Lea Gerbil

48 / / AL M N T K

Yan talaga an sakit pag nagpadangat nin dae pa malaya Huhunaon mong pwede na Mamamati mong garo kamo na ipapamati niyang ika na Pero sa huri nag-assume ka palan sana Ta siya ngani dae pa moved on talaga Isay may sala?

Siya na paasa? o Ikang tanga?

Kinugos ko si tugang ta an pag-hibi dae mauntok talaga Alo na, Rick, turog na Pagmata mo sa aga, baka okay na Nakaya ngani ni ate, ika pa kaya?

REBOUND MJLA

AN PAGHAHALAT NA MAWARA AN PEKLAT Catherine Bena T. Ollete

H

anggang ngunyan, may lugad na dae mawara-wara. Malanit sa pagmangnong yaon pa ako digdi, nahihiling ko pa. Bako man bago, ta haloyon na. Garo ngani ako may diabetes. Garo puro mahahamis an kinakakan ko, kaya mati an inabot.

Makulog sa boot. Namati kong garo nawara ako sa kinaban. Huna ko, maski papano sa kinahaluyan, malilingawan nalang ni. Pero daeng-dae pa palan.

Tanda ko an pinag-agihan ko. An pinag-agihan mi.

Pero, niya? Iyo lang 'to? Basta lang? Kaipuhan daa kaya?

Magpipirang taon na... hanggang pakikiiba na lang garo an gabos. Minsan, dae ko aram kun may sinseridad. Mayong gayong pagkakaiba. Arog nalang garo kita kani. Bahala na kun may paraboran.

May parte sakong gustohon nang maghali.

Pero an bayaan an kapidaso kan pagkatao ko, iyo biyo an nagpupugol sako. Sabi kong dae ako mapa daog ta kun kadto ngani, magayon an resulta kan mga sakripisyo, ano man ta sukoan ko an igwa ako ngunyan? Pero, ibahon na an kulog, nag-aarabot sa payo an lanit.

Naghahalat na lang akong maitao ko an gabos na pinakagabos ko para sa bilang na panahon. Kun makarisa, mayo na akong magiginibo. Haloy na ni, poon kan nangyari an salang paagi. An sikretong kaipuhan kong iluwas maski digdi lang, bago man lamang an poon kan katapusan. Ini an lugad na yaon hanggang ngunyan.

Naghahalat na lang maging peklat an lugad na dae ko aram kun pa'no ko nakukuanan nin kusog.

Sabi ngani ninda, "tama na". Sabi niya, "baka dae mo na kayanon". Pero sabi ko, mayong ibang makakabulong kundi ako, kaya pabayaan nindo ko.

Kun suporta kuta, salamat. Pero kabaliktaranan namati ko, kaya pumurundo nalang lugod.

Harani na an pagtapos kaining sato, salamat na lang sa gabos. Haloy takang naging bata. Pero, gusto ko nang makalingaw. Kakaipuhanon ko nalang an tabang kan panlahid para dae na gayong marisa an peklat - an sarong bagay na mapagirumdom sako kan lugad na nagtao man nin adal pero grabeng kasuyaan sa halawig na panahon.

AL MNT K / / 49

Nag-ibahan kita nin pirang bulan.

Pinamati mo sako, daeng siring na kaogmahan.

Ako s’imong inibahan, naglakaw sa dalan Na dae aram an padodomanan Nag-agi an mga aldaw, oras, minuto Na mayong ibang midbid kundi an ngaran mo Dae lang mahiling an pandok, Grabeng kapungawan, dae maontok.

Naghaloy an satong ibahan, Hasta ika sakong namuyaan.

Dae ko masabotan kun pano o tano, Basta an aram ko, maogma ako saimo.

Madaling isipon kun pano kita nagkahilingan.

Madaling sabihon kun pano kita nagkabistohan.

Madaling tandaan kun ano s’imong ngaran.

Gabos madali ta ika sakong namomotan.

Pero, aram mo kun ano masakit?

An maghuna na an puso mo sako namang nadagit; An mag-isip na sa kada mo pag-ngirit, Ako an nasa isip, ako an nakagurit.

Sala palan, sala palan Na ako s’imong nagdadarang kaogmahan.

Sala palan, sala palan Na ako s’imong namomotan naman.

Minsan, sa doros minahinghing.

Sana, dae taka na lang nahiling.

Sana, iba na lang an pinadangat Ta tibaad mas maogma, bakong magabat.

Minsan, sa saldang minamuda.

Gustong iluwas an kolog sa daghan, dep*ta sana!

Nuarin baya mapanlilingaw An puso kong sa ngaran mo, pagal nang kumurahaw.

Minsan, sa tubig minaladop Ta tibaad mahanap an kasimbagan Sa haloy nang kahapotan “Ako baya, pinadangat mo man?”

Ngonian na harayo ka na, nawara an sakong kugos.

Barubanggui, aroaldaw, an luha ko minaagos, Kaibahan an sakong tamong, nakapurupot Sa lawas kong mati an winalat mong lipot.

Maabot an aldaw, ika sakong masasabatan.

Mangangadyi sa Dios na ako tabangan Na itao sako an kosog nin boot Na saimo ipaabot an dating dayupot na pagkamoot.

Mahapot ka, Nyata an tulang ini dae nin kataposan?

Iyo, tama ka Ta mayo man kitang naponan.

AN TULANG DAENG KATAPOSAN Leiko

50 // ALMNTK

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5 4 / / AL M N T K

REGIONAL CAMPUS PRESS CONVENTION

1st Place, Photojournalism Competition

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AL MNT K / / 5 5

REGIONAL TERTIARY SCHOOLS PRESS CONFERENCE

3rd Place, Filipino Photojournalism Competition

16TH RTSPC

GISADO M. Durante n vi Ju

AN SA BUW TAPON nte Juvin M. Dura

LUGAR SAYANG . Durante S NG MA M n A vi B Ju A L SA

56 // ALMNTK

HIKBI nte Juvin M. Dura

LUNDAG nte Juvin M. Dura

AL MNT K / / 5 7

NGAN ALINLA nte Juvin M. Dura

BABAD nte Juvin M. Dura 5 8 / / AL M N T K

RO HEREDE nte Juvin M. Dura

TAYA nte Juvin M. Dura

AL MNT K / / 5 9

Y HIWALA nte Juvin M. Dura

MPOT KAKARA nte Juvin M. Dura 6 0 / / AL M N T K

LILIPAD nte Juvin M. Dura

NA BETERA nte Juvin M. Dura

AL MNT K / / 6 1

Bagamat may kasabihan na walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag, walang totoo na hindi nahahayag, kung minsan, may mga bagay na kailangan muna nating itago pansamantala para na rin sa kapakanan ng iba. At tunay ngang panahon lamang ang makapagdidikta kung kailan nararapat ibunyag ang mga lihim ng nakaraan, umaasa na lamang tayo na sa pagdating ng araw na iyon, hindi pa huli ang lahat.

Sampo ng mga kawani ng ‘The DEMOCRAT’, lugod ang aming pasasalamat sa mga mag-aaral na nagbahagi ng kanilang mga obrang pampanitikan. Muli nating napatunayanna sa gitna ng abalang mundo ng modernong komunikasyon at pagpapahayag ng sarili, may nahihimlay pa ring tinig ng isang makata sa ating mga puso. Isang tinig na pinaigting ng magagandang alaala at mapapait na karanasan, na halos nahihimlay na lamang sa ating mga gunita, na ngayon ay nailapat natin sa papel bilang akdang pampanitikan.

Sa ikatlong tomo ng Alimantak, muling sumasaludo ang aklat na ito sa mga manunulat, dibuhista at mga gurong nagtulong-tulong upang mabigyang kulay at linaw ang kabuuan ng limbag na ito.

Nawa’y magsilbing inspirasyon sa ating lahat ang mga mensaheng ibig iparating ng mga akda.

Maraming salamat sa pagbabasa.

PASASALAMAT

62 // ALMNTK

Alimantak Ang Opisyal na Kalipunan ng mga Akdang Pampanitikan ng University of Nueva Caceres Tomo III

LUPONG PATNUGUTAN at MGA KASAPI 2016-2017 Punong Patnugot Kapatnugot Tagapamahalang Patnugot Ikalawang Tagapamahalang Patnugot Patnugot sa Lathalain Patnugot sa Balita Patnugot sa Palakasan Patnugot sa Sining Tagapamahala sa Sirkulasyon Mga Apprentice

Mga Nakatataas na Patnugot

Mga Tagapayo

Juvin M. Durante Ruby Jane L. Bandola Gabrielle D. Fullante Maryvil O. Rebancos Charlene Kris A. Borbe Catherine Bena T. Ollete Matthew L. Loresto Mark John M. Coloquit Noli G. Ama Jessa V. Tejano Ma. Hazel I. Agapito Precious Kacy D. Faraon Jorlan M. San Joaquin Anna Marie Morcilla Debbie C. Delatado Jorelyn C. Marasigan Dioma Francis N. Durante Shirley A. Genio Ruby L. Bandola

MAKIPAG-UGNAYAN The DEMOCRAT @UNCTheDEMOCRAT @uncthedemocrat The DEMOCRAT The DEMOCRAT uncthedemocratofficial@gmail.com

The DEMOCRAT

Ang Malayang Pahayagan ng mga Mag-aaral ng University of Nueva Caceres