URINE LUCK NOW

URINE LUCK WITH EMILY DRESSLER

Above: This plant is a sign of life. Below: Brown on brown on tan on silver on brown.

Urine Luck: Don’t Call it a Comeback

Live Music Now: And Bathrooms!

WORDS AND PHOTOS BY EMILY DRESSLER

Oh. Hi. You’re still here. Thanks for waiting. Sorry about that extra long bathroom break. There are about one thousand things I want to say, but I don’t know the word for “I’ve missed you so much and I can’t wait to talk to you about bathrooms!”

As you know, Covid + public bathrooms (+ life) have been iffy. Up until recently, I had been limiting my outings and hardly had occasion during the pandemic to use new bathrooms. And then, if I did use a public restroom, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to talk to people about it because people don’t like hearing about germs anymore.

On the first Friday in June, I found myself at First Friday Kenmore, standing outside a little place called Live Music Now. I wasn’t going to use the bathroom, partially because I’ve adopted a pandemic-inspired utilitarian approach to my public outings that I can’t seem to shake and also because the business, Live Music Now, was so oddly named that I couldn’t decide if they were actually open for business.

Luckily, my 7 year old always has to go to the bathroom.So, I ventured in and was greeted by a perfect-looking bar but no live music.

The bathrooms here were the perfect foray back into the public bathroom scene. That is to say, there was nothing spectacular or horrible about them. They are solidly lackluster.

Too much color, at this point, would be too much for my delicate psyche. I couldn’t have handled something other than the bland browns, tans, beige, and for god’s sake, the griege making up this bathroom. A small (fake?) plant on a ledge added a pop of green. That is enough color for now, but I expect more later.

The flooring in this bathroom makes me hope that I’ve caught someone in the middle of remodeling. That is the only excuse for this, and it is barely an excuse since you’ve had an entire pandemic with which to remodel your bathrooms. This is no time for sub flooring. I’m pretty sure you can’t even mop this floor.

The tin wall wainscotting is cute and unexpected. It’s the only personality in here! The ledge created by the wainscotting provides potential but also danger, as it’s a place for someone to put up a collection of weird knicknacks. Please don’t add candles or trolls or more plants. As you can maybe tell from my photos, I am out of practice. There was even one photo with my thumb in it. Please excuse my sabbatical. I am so thrilled to be back. Go get your vaccine and then you can lick toilet seats with me. In the meantime, I’ve forgotten how to grade bathrooms and I feel oddly demanding, so I am giving this bathroom 2 out of 5 toilets. We can all do better.

Emily Dressler has been reviewing bathrooms for the Devil Strip since 2015 if you can believe it. She is on the Devil Strip Board of Directors if you can believe it.