URINELUCK VS. THE BATHROOM KEY

URINE LUCK WITH EMILY DRESSLER

This is just what my face looks like now.

Akron Coffee Roasters

BY EMILY DRESSLER

Welcome to the bathroom misadventure column. I started out at Akron Coffee Roasters on High Street and enjoyed a lovely Honey Cortada.

I forgot about the labyrinthian connection between downtown buildings, and it turns out that Akron Coffee Roasters shares a bathroom with the Nightlight Theater. Avid readers will remember that we’ve already reviewed those bathrooms. Initially, I thought that, with this review, Marissa and I would have furthered our High Street bathroom review takeover downtown. The takeover is not complete yet, but it’s a one-way street and we will keep going until all the bathrooms have been seen.

Defeated, I got back into my car and let the construction traffic carry me down West Market, so I went to Nervous Dog, because I thought I should have MORE coffee and MORE bathrooms.

If you’re anything like me, the bathrooms at Nervous Dog make you nervous. I mean, first you have to ask for the key, which is basically like saying “I HAVE TO PEE PLEASE HELP.” But, I had ordered a pound of ground coffee, which comes with a free any-size coffee, tea or iced coffee. So, I really did have to go.

The best part about Nervous Dog bathrooms is that you get to walk down the hallway with some jingle bells in your hand feeling a bit like a doofus. But bathroom reviewing is an important job. Do you know how many times I’ve been to the Nervous Dog and have not used the bathroom? Too many to count. mostly because of this jingle bell keychain.

As I’m walking down the hallway, I really appreciate all the signs telling me I’m going in the right direction. Seriously, that is helpful because I am often in doubt, usually because I have not fully listened to directions.

It doesn’t take long before I realize that I am once again using a shared bathroom. As they are in the same building, the Nervous Dog shares a restroom with the Martel Tu dance studio. Oh well, there is nothing to be done about this. I don’t have time for yet more coffee and more shared bathrooms, Akron.

The bathroom has three stalls and lots of brown — small brown tiles, beige doors, boring colors abound. The sink is white and so is the toilet paper. Pretty much everything else is a shade of brown. I guess the baristas and ballerinas got together and decided on… brown?

To dry your hands, you can use the air dryer on the wall or some of the paper towels on the sink. Who knows how often those are restocked. Or you can be a gross daredevil and not wash your hands, but I’m pretty sure they arrest you for that now or maybe you just die.

The only decor in the bathroom is a sign about handwashing, which is more a sign of the times than a decor choice. Or maybe it’s in the genre known as Covidsign decor. Pretty sure that’s actually a category now. Because I appreciate all the encouraging signs pointing me in the right direction and because this bathroom is clean but boring, I’m rating it 4/5 toilets.

Emily Dressler co-writes Urine Luck with Marissa Marangoni. Emily is also on the The Devil Strip Board of Directors.

Bathroom still life.

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