THE DIAMONDBACK October 10, 2012
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THE DIAMONDBACK | sex in college park | wednesday, october 10, 2012
What are you really conveying? Three university professors explain the meanings of body language By Matt Bylis For The Diamondback You’re out at a bar or party and spot someone cute across the room. The two of you strike up a conversation that seems to be going well, but how can you tell if he or she is interested in taking it a bit further? Some may turn to Twitter for answers. @SheCravesTheD and @OhHeWantsTheP are two accounts with more than 200,000 followers that each tweet tidbits of advice, ranging from, “If she cuts class to see you, chances are she wants the D” to a midnight tweet of, “If he waits until now to text you, he wants the p.”
But according to three university professors in the psychology department — Scott Roberts, Dylan Selterman and Ryan Curtis — body language may be a much more reliable indicator of whether someone’s interested. “The most important thing to keep in mind is that it is very difficult to read body language in the moment,” the professors all wrote in an email. “To do this more accurately, you generally need to compare how they behave with you to how they behave the rest of the time.” That being said, a key indicator of attraction is whether someone mimics the other’s behavior, known as the “chameleon effect.” It can
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be as simple as someone copying a head tilt, they wrote. Without even knowing it, people tend to self-groom when around someone they’re attracted to, they wrote. Women might suddenly and frequently fix their hair, clothes or posture, while men tend to puff out their chests and adjust their posture in ways to highlight their physical strength. Additionally, people tend to pull up closer or give someone a playful touch if they’re attracted. And a more obvious sign may be if a person finds a reason to lead you to a private area. See experts, Page 5
wednesday, october 10, 2012 | sex in college park | THE DIAMONDBACK
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Girls: What to pack in your purse at night By Rachel Barron For The Diamondback EDITOR’S NOTE: Some students’ names have been withheld or changed because of the topics discussed. Key? Check. ID? Check. Money? Check. Cell phone? Check. Foldable flats? Check. That’s right, ladies. If you suspect you’ll end up spending the night at some place other than your room after an evening out, you’re going to want to shove a little bit more into that oh-so-handy cross-body bag. If girls want to avoid a walk of shame across the campus, they should be prepared with a full change of clothes for the morning after shacking up with someone. But what girl can actually fit a pair of pants, a shirt and a pair of shoes into a party-friendly bag? Sophomore history major Marianne can. She has purse packing down to a science. “When I go to my boyfriend’s
[apartment], I bring a mini hairbrush, eyeliner, a mini mouthwash, a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Fast Flats, a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt all in one bag,” she said. The hairbrush and change of clothes prevent girls from making that trek across the campus in a skimpy outfit and second-day messy hair. Sophomore journalism major Alexa Lardieri agreed these are staple items for any girl to have in her going-out bag. “No girl wants to bump into her professor Friday morning in last night’s sequin dress,” Lardieri said. And wearing last night’s outfit early the next morning is the most obvious way to draw attention to that walk of shame, she added. Junior Danielle said she’s experienced the consequences of not packing clothes. “After a formal, I had to walk home in an extremely oversized T-shirt and [his] neighbors howled at me,” she said. newsumdbk@gmail.com
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THE DIAMONDBACK | sex in college park | wednesday, october 10, 2012
Students tell us: The dos and don’ts of sex in college By Zachary DeGraba For The Diamondback EDITOR’S NOTE: Some students’ names have been withheld or changed because of the topics discussed. College brings all sorts of challenges: moving away from home, making new friends and, of course, sex. There are all sorts of scenarios students navigate when it comes to sex, whether it’s a one-night stand or a within a long-term relationship. The rules of sex are sometimes obscure, which often leads to awkward situations. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We’ve consulted studies by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior — the Indiana-based research study about human sexual behavior — and have spoken with scores of students to compile this list of dos and don’ts to help you navigate any and all scenarios. DO communicate with your partner “Generally, miscommunication is a bad thing,” said Bob, a junior mathematics major. “Make sure everyone’s on the same page.” While it may be uncomfortable to talk about sex, dozens of students agreed communication is key, whether it’s talking about preferred positions or birth control. And while we’re on that subject … DO use birth control “Adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one,” according to the Indiana report. Men often report a loss of sensitivity when using a condom, but both men and women agreed using a condom is critical to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. And many agreed birth control pills were a smart investment. “I started using the pill for health reasons long before I was having
sex — I recommend it to all of my ticed relationships. The survey friends for that reason alone,” said suggests men who have sex with Ashley, a sophomore English major. someone they’re in a relationship with experienced “greater arousal, greater pleasure, fewer problems DO prepare yourself This doesn’t just mean you should with erectile function, orgasm and carry condoms or take birth control. less pain during the event.” But Sex is a major milestone in a person’s that’s not to say casual sex is out of life and shouldn’t be taken lightly. the question. “I subscribe to the belief that if For women, the first time (or few times) can be painful, so they should you want to do it, you should do it, but if you feel like you’re going to plan accordingly. “It’s important to use lubricant, regret it, don’t do it,” Ashley said, especially for people who haven’t adding “random drunk sex” isn’t had much sex,” a sophomore bioen- particularly fun, but is good for a gineering student said. “Lubricants laugh a few weeks after the fact. are important for women’s health to DON’T stay in one position prevent stuff like vaginal tearing.” for too long “Any position can become DON’T choose your partners boring if you do it long enough,” carelessly Most agreed the most satisfying said Stephen, a freshman civil ensexual experiences take place in emo- gineering major. Fo r sex l a s t i n g b e twe e n a tionally-connected and well-prac-
minimum of 10 minutes and a maximum of 30, several students suggested changing positions two to five times. “Don’t keep going for too long — sometimes it’s too much,” Ashley said.
ing student. If you feel uncomfortable in a sexual situation or don’t feel you’re ready to have sex yet, don’t push yourself. “I’ve never felt that I needed somebody else to feel whole and happy,” said freshman Arabic DON’T do anything you’re major Elise, a virgin who doesn’t uncomfortable with feel she is missing out by not “If you can’t go to a store and buy having sex. condoms, you’re not ready to have sex,” said a sophomore bioengineer- newsumdbk@gmail.com
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wednesday, october 10, 2012 | sex in college park | THE DIAMONDBACK
experts From PAGE 2 These aren’t by-the-book rules, the professors said, since sometimes a person may act a certain way out of habit. But if you want someone to know you’re interested, all the professors agree physical signs aren’t the way to do it. “We are generally in agreement that if you’re trying to send subtle behavioral signals you are wasting your time and missing your chance,” they wrote. “Just be forward — tell someone that you just can’t help the fact that you are wildly attracted to them and be prepared to gra-
ciously receive a ‘no thank you’ and move on. Worst-case scenario is a little bit of embarrassment, but what’s embarrassing about telling someone they are attractive?”
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The walk of shame hot spots By Nick Foley Staff writer
newsumdbk@gmail.com It’s important to get this out of the way: A walk of shame is beautiful. It’s a powerful demonstration of sexuality and strength, and should not breed any feelings of shame. That term was clearly assigned by judgmental people who aren’t getting any kind of action. College is all about whimsical experiences that don’t make sense or wouldn’t be acceptable in a real-life setting; walks of shame (and the activities preceding them) are no different. That being said, there are several places around this campus that are prime hot spots for these demonstrations of self-confidence:
Bagel Place — On Saturday mornings, Bagel Place turns into an emergency room and that giant, orange cooler of water on the counter becomes an IV. Throngs of people invade the restaurant, searching for carbohydrates and clamoring for hydration. Walkof-shamers know there’s a journey ahead, and Bagel Place becomes a necessary pit stop if they ever want to make it back alive — while consuming something decent. 7-Eleven — Sometimes, the situation is far worse than you could have imagined. You wake up to find yourself depleted of nutrients and essential fluids. The only solution is 7-Eleven, where you’ll find a wide array of Powerade options — blue is best,
obviously — as well as ibuprofen. Throw in a slice of cheese for good measure. It’s gotten to that point where you don’t feel like a human being, and 7-Eleven is always the solution when that feeling arises.
College Park Towers balconies — Heading up Knox Road, you’ll see the College Park Towers balconies on your left. This is probably the most ideal perch for walk-of-shamewatching, and I’m sure those lucky enough to have balconies facing Knox Road are aware of this. All of the Commons residents (which is a huge portion of the student population) must trek past Knox Towers and struggle up the treacherous hill to get back to their apartments — a test
See spots, Page 7
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THE DIAMONDBACK | sex in college park | wednesday, october 10, 2012
Condoms of all varieties From traditional, popular brands to glow-in-the-dark ones, the University Health Center has got you covered By Nate Rabner For The Diamondback Behold, the condom — a common yet seldom-mentioned part of sex. While many students may feel embarrassed at the prospect of acknowledging their existence, condoms are important in preventing unintended pregnancies and the spread of STIs. That’s why the University Health Center’s Sexual Health and Reproductive Education program works to “reduce barriers to access,” according to sexual health program coordinator Jenna Beckwith. SHARE provided students with more than 70,000 free condoms and other safety and educational materials last year, and is “keeping our variety stocked,” Beckwith said. Students can take the condoms from a basket on the ground floor of the health center. “I see people come individually and come down and grab condoms; I see people come down with a partner; I see people come down with a whole group of friends,” Beckwith said. “I see people come by with a scavenger hunt they’ve been on for class and they all are like, ‘Oh my God, this exists? A condom basket?’ And they take a bunch of condoms and take pictures.” If students don’t find what they’re looking for in the basket,
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Beckwith or a student worker will unlock the condom closet, which has about 30 types to choose from — male or female condoms, nonlatex, extra-large, dental dams, lube and even glow-in-the-dark condoms. “There’s the novelty of it, where someone who’s maybe a little bit more embarrassed about condoms will feel more comfortable checking
out a glow-in-the-dark condom,” Beckwith said. Emily Leonard, a junior ecology and evolution major who works at the health center, said she talks with students about condoms three or four times a day. “A lot of it is like making them See condoms, Page 7
the health center offers more than 30 different kinds of condoms and regularly provides them to students. SHARE provided more than 70,000 free condoms last year. file photo/the diamondback
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Noah Knows: Answering all your dating questions Dear Noah, I went out to dinner with an outof-town businessman I met online. He wasn’t much of a looker and 20 years my elder, but he was a very successful lobbyist, and he gave me great career and business advice. I started going out with him occasionally when he was in town, but the more he took me out, the more I thought I had to “put out.” One night after dinner, he gave me $500 in cash and “sexy” underwear. At this point, I felt I had to do something sexual with him, and I went back to his hotel. When I left, I felt like I was basically a prostitute. Should I continue these occasional dinners and reap the financial rewards? Or am I becoming his prostitute?
You’re not on the level of what people think of as the “typical” prostitute: one who actively searches for customers on the street or online. But you’re getting pretty close. Although you’re skirting a dangerous line, it doesn’t mean you need to stop. Any relationship between two people has a set of costs and rewards. People usually stay in a relationship when those rewards outweigh the costs. Here, the reward is the mentorship, advice and money you’re receiving. The cost is feeling like a prostitute. You need to weigh these things and make a decision as to what the best course of action would be: either ending the relationship you have with him or conWell, you’re definitely becoming tinuing to benefit from it. his prostitute. Whether you want to It would be foolish to think that continue the occasional dinners and reap the financial rewards is up to you. See noah, Page 8
wednesday, october 10, 2012 | sex in college park | THE DIAMONDBACK
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Route 1 McDonald’s — For those who are unfortunate enough to live at the University View or Varsity apartments, the walk home from downtown College Park heading down the bleak Route 1 sidewalk will be a definite low point. It’s bright outside; there are cars whizzing by and everyone is watching you. Then, just when you feel like you can no longer go on, you see a beautifully arched “M” in the most divine shade of mustard yellow: McDonald’s. Here, you’ll see many walk-ofshamers rewarding themselves. As they should.
North Campus Dining Hall — Freshmen walk-of-shamers have adjusted well and most likely have a solid group of friends. Last night’s hookup was probably just in another dorm five minutes away, so they’ll head to the dining hall and attack a buffalo chicken wrap like everyone else at 11 a.m. College Park Metro — Here you’ll see those who abandoned their groups of friends at the club last night and went rogue, going back with a 20-something who has an apartment in the city — probably not the smartest or safest decision. Usually, they’ll ascend the Metro stairs the next morning, thankful to see another day and the 104 bus pulling up. Welcome back to College Park! newsumdbk@gmail.com
condoms
From PAGE 6
feel comfortable,” she said. “A lot of times people are kind of nervous to approach you.” Many students said they feel uncomfortable when picking up condoms from the health center. “My ex-boyfriend would come to the UMD Health Center every once in a while and go to the basket of free condoms and take about 30 and stash them in his backpack and then run out of the health center real fast,” a senior biology major said. “Yeah, I think there’s a stigma and yeah, it’s just, like, an uncomfortable thing,” Leonard said. Beyond the health center, SHARE offers group presentations for student organizations, dorms and introductory classes. The program also sends peer educators and its well-stocked condom cart to events such as the Protect Your Shell Fair. In addition to contraceptives, safer sex kits and abstinence kits are also available. Senior Sarah Singer, a resident assistant in Somerset Hall, found a creative way to make condoms available to students. “Last year, I offered these condoms to my residents by taping them to my door,” Singer, who was also a SHARE peer educator, wrote in an email. “I arranged them in designs by color and shape. In fact, I once made an HIV/AIDS awareness ribbon using condoms and arranged the other condoms in a frame around it.” Most of the condoms would disappear “almost immediately,” Singer wrote. “In my opinion, there are few things more important than understanding how your body works and how to keep yourself healthy, happy, and safe,” she wrote. “The free safer sex mechanisms and informational pamphlets provided by [the health center] do just that.” newsumdbk@gmail.com
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THE DIAMONDBACK | sex in college park | wednesday, october 10, 2012
noah
started to have feelings for him … help! From PAGE 6
there’s no advantage to sleeping with someone who has powerful connections and a great career. If this guy brings you to a networking event — even if he’s expecting sex afterwards — you could meet a future employer. One thing you need to keep in mind is you should never feel pressured to have sex with him because of what he gives you. If he gives you even more money and expects you to do something you aren’t comfortable with, you don’t have to do it. If you consent because you feel pressured to do so, your consent isn’t freely given and he is committing rape. You need to keep this in mind, and remember that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. That being said, as long as you know what you’re doing and want to do it, I don’t see a problem with sleeping with him for money. I personally, along with many others, would weigh the feelings of prostitution as a much higher cost than any reward. If you have different values, though, it’s your choice to make. Just make sure you’re ready to admit to yourself what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
I have started falling for a hookup even though he totally isn’t falling for me. We only really talk or text when we have sex and yet I’ve noticed that I’ve
You need to talk to him about this, and let him know how you’re feeling. If you don’t, you’ll never know if he might be feeling the same way. Have you tried to text him at other times, or is he the only one initiating the texting? Have you suggested going out to a movie or a casual dinner? Lots of continual hookups lead to relationships. It’s completely possible yours will too … but it can only happen after both of you effectively communicate with each other. There are many reasons why he may not be interested in dating you and you simply can’t know what they are. He may think you’d never be compatible with him, or he may just not be looking for a relationship right now. Whatever the reason is, you’re not going to find it out by hiding your feelings. Once you talk to him, if he’s not interested, there’s a very simple question you need to ask yourself: Is the satisfaction you get from hooking up with him going to overpower the inevitable pain you’ll experience from his disinterest in dating you? If so, then you can keep hooking up. If not, then you’re going to want to stop hooking up and find someone else. It’s really easy to find guys who want to hook up in college,so you should be OK. Next time, try to find someone you don’t think you’ll develop feelings for, as it’ll make the casual hookup scenario a whole lot easier. newsumdbk@gmail.com