6 minute read
Travel
Travel Travels through Northern France
Step Five : Loire & Deux-Sèvres
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by Russell Adams
The French can display genius when it comes to invention and innovation. The inverse is true with implementation and organisation. Just look at their cars. An example of this for the tourist is Futuroscope, near Poitiers. We have been there twice over the years, the second time because we couldn’t believe it was really that awful the first time. The French were leading innovators of the moving image, so a theme park dedicated to latest technology in this field should be right up their street and all the concepts are brilliant. There are 3D screens, 360°screens, screens over your head and under your feet with chairs that move with the scene in play. All sounds great doesn’t it. But it doesn’t work. You queue for hours, with no in-queue entertainment, the films could be much better, especially where they have chosen to use French comedy (i.e. not funny). All in all, you leave thinking that should have been fantastic, but instead disappointed, bored stiff of queues and much lighter in the pocket.
And don’t get me started on Le Puy de Fou. It had been some years since these dark experiences, so when I read about the Machines d’Ile in Nantes (created by the people who did the giant puppets for Liverpool) we thought it could be worth seeing. Here they have steampunk machines based on the designs of Leonardo da Vinci and the novels of Jules Verne. The attraction consists of several parts, a couple of weird merry-go-rounds, a demonstration area of various mechanical beasts and engines, a view of the factory area and the star of the show - a huge mechanical elephant that can carry 50 people. You start by approaching the large tickets office, only to be told they don’t sell tickets; you have search these out. We decided to skip the merry-go-round and go for the elephant and the other machines. We spent the next hour watching a mechanical spider, chameleon, stork, sloth and many others. This took us to 2pm, our ticket for the elephant was 3:45pm, so time to get some food. They wouldn’t shut the cafes and restaurants in an all-day attraction - wrong! We had to wander off into Nantes to find the world’s slowest fast-food joint, Bioburger, presumably an offshoot of Persil. Having eaten our raw mince meat (some things don’t change even in an American style burger bar), we returned to watch the elephant wander through the dock area. The unpaying crowds were enjoying dodging the elephant, getting sprayed with water from its trunk; all with a great view of its operation. The paying customers on its back, missing out on the fun and with a limited view. We thought we may have spotted a flaw in the business model!
We left Machines d’Ile with admiration for the Heath Robinson style designs; but knowing that it would all be so much better if it was managed by a major American or even British entertainment group; but then I suppose it wouldn’t feel French. We carried on further south to visit my mother who lives in the Deux-Sèvres. This is real rural France, nothing but farms and fishing. My mother regaled us with tales of how misogynistic French village life is. At the local old people’s club, the men play petanque and drink wine and eau d’vie; while the women have to play cards and prepare coffee for the men - when they are ready. French women don’t drink wine, they say. She was telling us all this while serving
dinner, putting Sher’s on a tiny plate (because women don’t eat as much). I think 20 years French country living may have affected my mother more than she realises.
Marais Pointevin is an area of marsh and swamp covering the south of Deux-Sèvres and the Vendée, where only criminals, army deserters and misfits who called themselves Colliberts lived. In 1840, the French government hired Dutch canal builders to drain the marshes and the area is now a network of rivers, streams and hundreds of canals. The French now call it “the green Venice” (though in fairness many of the canals are little more than drainage ditches). Still, it is a very pretty and tranquil area. Judging by the number of boats and punts available for hire, the village of Coulon may lose its tranquillity in the summer months, it is to the Marais Pointevin what Ambleside is to the Lakes. It also makes claims to be one of the prettiest villages in France, the list must run into the hundreds. Cycling the tracks through the maze of canals and bridges was lovely though. Saumur lies on the Loire and is known for its chateau, wine and being the home of the French cavalry. It also houses the French tank museum; tanks are also part of the cavalry! We gave this a miss though. The town is lovely and dominated by the Chateau.
The vineyard cellars are concentrated on one road which is handy, this is because the remains of troglodyte caves are in this area and they are now used to store the wine. They are also used to grow mushrooms (there is a mushroom museum - for old mushrooms presumably) and one of the caves has been used to display sculptures of the great chateaux and cathedrals in the area. We visited this, after half an hour in the dark and cool you do wonder why you’re not looking at the actual sites in the sun and the warm. Strange what you will pay to do.
Having cycled and driven for miles through the DeuxSèvres, the villages and towns have much in common, imposing churches, beautiful flower displays, public areas to sit, eat and drink or just admire the view. They lack of just one thing, people! Where do they all go, the houses seem deserted, many with shutters closed and the streets are silent apart from traffic passing through. This is exacerbated further in the Deux-Sèvres because the restaurants and cafes only open 12 to 2pm, they don’t open in the evening. To eat out in the evening, we had to drive 50 miles to the Vendée and even there we were the only people in the restaurant.
The only place guaranteed to be open in any village or town is the boulangerie, this is because of the French obsession with bread. Bread is served with every meal whether you want it or not, even when bread is used in the meal. Every family must purchase bread every day (I’m sure it’s a by-law), in some villages they even have vending machines where for a euro you can buy bread in the middle of the night. The baguette is a wonderful thing, crusty outside, soft and airy in the middle, yet a day later you can use it as a cudgel for battering intruders to death. I have visions of village families hiding in shuttered room armed with yesterday’s baguettes waiting for the next invasion.
