DO you Call thIS PROPAGANDA?! POTTEROW: The early days of 2011, the powers that be have decided to frivolously fritter away god knows how many hundreds of pounds erecting a 6 FOOT HIGH banner of their OWN FACES in a vain attempt to establish some sort of pseudo-Stalinist personality cult.
This is fine, There is nothing untoward about wasting money on vanity, if the Rascals ran EUSA then half the annual budget would be spent on fine single malt and oak panelling the office. BUT if you are going to make
vain propaganda at least make it look good. and not all insipid and “ friendly” . The Soviet Union, unlike EUSA, were the masters of propaganda and for all their murdering binges at least knew how to make a damn sexy personality cult. So the Edinburgh Rascal has created a propaganda poster in the grand old vein of the Soviets to show EUSA how it should be done. We don’ t have the hundred or so pounds needed to fritter away on a SIX FOOT HIGH BANNER OF OUR OWN FACES, but if we did it would look something like this.
EUSA’S poster - INSIPID and SINISTERLY “FRIENDLY”
NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL PROPERGANDA!
The Rascal’s poster - POWERFUL. INSPIRING. BEAUTIFUL.
T H E
The Toilet Review Good day, Gentlemen and gentle ladies all! It is my very great pleasure to welcome the return of Messrs. Postlethwaite & Tome. These gentlemen are, in their own ways, intrepid explorers of the very greatest calibre. They have kindly furnished us with a short statement, in which they explain the fundamentals of their beliefs.
"We regard our reportage as a god
-given duty- nay, a true mission. For we aim to improve, by inspection, interview and exploration, the knowledge of Edinburgh's public places of convenience; to warn, to praise, to advise. A humble art, some have said; and yet one so necessary to maintaining the health, morality and the purity of the people of this great age! Messrs Tome and Postlethwaite are honoured to be so solemnly charged with such a task.�
The
infamous
public toilets of
Hunter
Square; their reputation precedes them.
Subterranean and frequented by unsavoury clientele, even gentlemen as intrepid as ourselves would hesitate to investigate them alone; it must be noted that we felt it unwise to enter with expensive photography equipment. Information is provided, keeping ladies well informed that at any point male janitorial staff may appear, and thus protecting their delicate sensibilities. Soap was readily available and the facilities were all fully functioning. As in other establishments, individual stalls were numbered, possibly a p e rv a s iv e f ea t ure th ro ugh o ut Edinburgh to provide continuity for the patrons. Despite a little lingering toilet paper underfoot, the lavatories were imbued with a fruity odour of air freshener. The generally positive aspects, however, ended here.
The cold room has an inescapable similarity to a morgue, with unforgiving laboratory-style lighting, and a sink surface similar to a mortuary slab. The doors creak in an ominous fashion and many signs advise “ caution!� , accompanied by pictures of people falling (presumably) to their deaths; this lends the place an atmosphere of impending doom....
Here be toilets
E D I N B U R G H
R A S C A L
T O I L E T
R E V I E W
N U M B E R
T W O
T H E
E D I N B U R G H
R A S C A L
T O I L E T
R E V I E W
N U M B E R
T W O
The Toilet Review .... The toilets have a distinctly claustrophobic sense of imprisonment. Perhaps the most terrifying feature of this establishment is the bricked up door, with evidence of attempted escape from within. What could this mean? Perhaps a catholic priest, awaiting revenge? A disgraced daughter? A grotesquely swollen half-pig mutant child? In addition to this, there is a locked, unmarked door facing the sink with a peephole looking OUT on to the users of the toilet, suggesting perversion the likes of which we cannot fathom. Our investigations carried us to the square above. By our calculations, a space of five paces separates the male and female toilets (as is well and good). Not only does this leave enough room for the cell of a mutant pig-child, but we noticed a mystery layer between the inner and outer ceilings of the toilets. From inside, one is presented with the view of a glass grid; from the outside, a paved square. This leaves a layer within which any being could crawl and observe the toilets from the glass peepholes in the upper reaches of the room. This idea shocked us so deeply that we would solicit any moral lady to desist from attending these toilets unless under
Mutant pig
child
?
Looming over Hunter Square is the eerily abandoned Tron Kirk
Things of note nearby;
Hunter Square itself, filled with useful public services; phone boxes, benches and a post box were all in evidence. The benches are engraved with tasteful quotes from “ James' Complete Guide to Home Gardens" and “ Hawkins Partheneia Sacra” .
Inscribed sentiments outside, which were of mixed calibre. Close together were the legends “ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness 1984” and “ smokey some weed” .
NB: We discovered a strange symbol/motif and the legend ‘Muffy’. We urge all our readers to be on their guard; this may well represent a Masonic organisation, perhaps linked to the mysterious and macabre inhabitant of the supposed crypt.
AT LAST YOU CAN PACK MORE HEAT THAN DENMARK! M A R I T I M E P O W E R !
! S N O I T A L U T A R G N !CO YOU HAVE BEEN RANDOMLY SELECTED IN OUR COMPETITION TO WIN YOUR VERY OWN
Y O U R
AIRCRAFT CARRIER!! Simply cut out the voucher and put it in an envelope with about £6 Billion (cash) addressed ‘to the Government’ and your aircraft carrier should be posted to you within 6 to 8 weeks!
VOUCHER GOOD FOR
ONE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
She’s a neo-nuclear beaut, aint she?
THAT’S ALL FOLKS ’ [unless they get all petty over their poster or something else that we’ve (I’ve) done. Ed.]
[well I do. Ed.]
SEND US THINGS— TALK TO US—WE DON’T BITE
2 • 2011 theedinburghrascal@gmail.com • edinburghrascal.tumblr.com •
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F O E