I am Different, I am a Teenage MAMA

“I thought, I am, a good mother.”

It was a lazy afternoon; I was just staring outside, point-blank. Some folks having fun, laughing about the latest “chika”, giggling to new found crushes, I wanted to get out of the door and join the fun but then… a melody started ringing. A familiar lullaby yet new to me, a voice of someone attached to me, I wanted to get out of that door, but I just can’t. I am no longer Claudia the fun spirited teen, I am now Claudia, I am now a Mama.

I was like a celebrity with the latest buzz of my pregnancy. It’s a hard pill to swallow but that’s the reality. I made a huge mistake by becoming a mom in a very early age. I just entered Senior High School, not a senior stage of my adulthood.

Coming from a middle-class family, my parents can somehow provide the things we need but of course not the luxury life that we are all dreaming of. I know that I am still lucky because my parents are willing to support the supposed mistake and I am grateful that despite what happened they are still by my side in one of the toughest stages of my teenage life.

My poor little body suffers a lot, from the very bad morning sickness to adjusting to several foreign changes in my body but it was the people’s judgements that is killing me. I will not sugarcoat in this narrative because if I had the change, I will absolutely fix this and avoided the pregnancy.

The intimacy is not love, what I thought was a passionate love, was just a mere imagination. I thought, it was the greatest feeling in the world! After all, I gave my all for nothing.

He left. I was alone in this battle for two. I was alone…

I cried, too much that I can’t even recall the number of times that I regrated this pregnancy. I blamed myself. I hated the world but this tiny gem in my womb is holding on. She is tough. She is stronger than me. This crazy ride is like the roller- coaster with its flip and turns. Anytime soon… this gem will pop.

It was cold December night, it was raining hard that as the rain poured, I shed for help. The pain, the blood, the sweat, the eagerness of me to surpass this agony. I was praying hard while holding my mom’s hand, then alas! She’s finally here! The melancholy of her first cry is like a lullaby. Sweet, gentle, the love of my life.

Today, as she turns 5 months old. I have been joggling between being a student and a mom. I wanted to be an advocate and be a helping hand to others. I wanted to inspire others but never promote teenage pregnancy, that despite the seatback we can still continue dreaming. Never allow any adversities to stop us from chasing our dream.

I am not perfect and will never be. I don’t have the perfect life or Disney Princess life that I once dreamed. I am now Claudia, a dreamer, full of aspiration that someday I will tell my little gem how I fought hard to live the life that I’m about to write.

This is Claudia, I am different from other teens my age. I am a dreamer. I am a student. I am teenage mom. I am a good mother.