THE THEHURON HURONEMERY EMERY||ISSUE ISSUE4:4:FFEBRUARY FEBRUARY 4 4 | FEATURE | FEATURE
Falling in love: Soyeon Kim’s journey adopting her son ALLISON MI EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Soyeon Kim says it’s just like falling in love. Her dream since what-feels-likeforever, that is. Her dream of adopting a child. “Sometimes you romanticize something for so long you can’t remember when it all started,” Huron art teacher Kim said. “Over the years, the idea just got bigger and bigger.” And bigger. And bigger. Until it was real. “Parenting is the most noble thing I can do while I’m living,” said Kim, who started the adoption process in October of 2018. After completing their adoption application, Kim and her husband expected to meet their child within six months. But it would be three arduous years until they finally would. The first obstacle arose the day after t h e y
submitted their application, when the agency they were planning on working with suddenly closed down, “just disappeared.” It took two more months for Kim and her husband to find a complementary agency: one located 520 miles from home, in Washington, DC. From there, it only got more challenging. In addition to the $50,000 cost, the adoption process entailed mounds of fine-tooth-combed paperwork, 50 one-hour classes, and at least one 500-question exam. Kim even had to write a letter to the biological mother, without knowing who that would be or if the baby had yet been conceived. Every minute detail mattered. In one instance, Kim’s failure to check off one of 200 some boxes immediately eliminated her from matching with a baby. Based on a multiple-choice assessment, Kim’s doctor noted her as “[mildly] stressed,” and one sentence from the sea of paragraphs she wrote was deemed by the agency to be a “problem.” “It was just very discouraging,” Kim said. “I already had to pay a lot of money and had a nursing room all set up. I was already financially, physically and emotionally invested.” But for over two years, Kim had to play the waiting game. “It was
GRAPHIC BY AUDREY ZHAO
pushback, pushback, pushback,” Kim said. “It was heartbreaking. Like, I have to wait longer? Is this ever really going to happen?” Though the sporadic feelings of discouragement would linger for a few days, Kim always kept her chin up and saw a benefit to these delays.
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“A little bit more time was given to me to do my stuff,” Kim said. “So, I chose to enjoy every piece of it.”
perfect.” Shortly afterwards, a customized grey fuzzy blanket, which read, “Let’s Go Liam!” was shipped to the Kim household. Upon arrival in Korea, Kim and her husband had to be tested negative two more times, then were finally able to meet Liam.
It didn’t feel real. They had pored over pictures, videos, her own pencil sketches of Liam. And suddenly, there he SOYEON KIM was, ten For Kim, feet away, t h i s jauntily meant drawing whenever dressed in a denim she could. jumper overlapping a “I’ve never drawn white undershirt. that much, except for college,” “It felt surreal,” said Kim, a graduate of the Kim said. University of Michigan School And then he of Art and Design. voluntarily approached Kim Some days, she drew and sat on her lap, beginning for three to five hours, while to curiously play with on busy days, for just a few her pearl necklace. minutes, but Kim kept it “We were all so consistent. She drew for herself, shocked,” Kim said. “The but also for commissioned foster mom was really shocked, artwork, which helped because he was usually shy, offset adoption costs. acted invisible to strangers and In February, 2021, it had frequent tantrums.” finally happened. Kim matched After visiting Liam with a baby. An eight-month three times over the course old boy in Korea, with almond- of four more weeks, it was shaped eyes and rounded time to bring him home. cheeks. Over a virtual meeting, Some worries began to Kim and her husband met simmer for Kim. with an agency representative. “What if I’m a bad The child’s files were shared, parent?” Kim worried. “What along with “aw”-inducing if there’s a foreign feeling that videos of him “wobbling” lingers too long?” in his crib and pictures The fact that this of his 100-day milestone. was her first child made it “When I saw the even more difficult. photos, I screamed,” Kim “In our hotel, he said. “It was a moment. It was opening all the possible was the moment.” doors, pressing all the buttons Before Kim and her and bumping into all the husband departed for Korea furniture,” Kim said. to pick up their son, they had Liam’s amounting one more very important bruises from his adventurous task: naming their child. behavior caused Kim to panic. With a teeming list “Don’t worry,” another of name recommendations parent told her, alleviating from family members in Kim’s worries. “Kids do hand, Kim sat down at her that all the time.” easel and started drawing On the flight to her son, referring to America, Kim still couldn’t the agency’s pictures. believe that the boy in the As she sketched blue and yellow-striped his eyebrows, she pants and baby blue shirt started trying sleeping on her husband’s to match chest was her son. names. Arbor. “Is it real?” Kim Leo. Bentley. continuously thought. “Is he A u s t i n . really mine?” Liam. For the first few weeks back home, Kim described “ L i a m , ” the feeling as babysitting K i m someone else’s child. thought. “I love this boy,” Kim “ T h a t ’ s said, “but it still doesn’t feel like he’s my son.” She thought that this
He’s just my child. And that’s the core of parenting. It’s the relationship we get to build together.”
uncomfortable feeling arose because Liam was adopted. However, when Kim talked to more parents, she found that even parents who had given birth to their children felt exactly the same. Two weeks later, it started to get better. “It started to get really real,” Kim said. “Getting a child, whether it’s by adoption or birth, is like a blind date, and then you get married, and you’re committed. Of course if you really like the person you go out on a blind date with, you have excitement. But you still don’t see him as your husband immediatley. Meeting Liam was the same.” By the seven-week mark, everything fell into place. “He’s just my child,” Kim said. “And that’s the core of parenting. It’s not so much about our DNA sharing. It’s the relationship we get to build together.” When parents would shed tears as they dropped their children off to daycare, Kim used to watch in confusion. “What’s the big deal?” she would think. However, when it was her turn to drop off Liam, it was very emotional. “Whatever steps he’s going through, I feel like I’m emotionally attached,” Kim said. “And my husband feels the same way. Us going through the process together has made us tighter.” According to Kim, the three of them — Kim, her husband` and Liam — are a team. “It’s really powerful,” Kim said. And best of all, Kim still has time to draw. “Because I drew so fervently for two years, it became second nature for me to draw fast,” Kim said. “I expected I wouldn’t have time, but practice really didn’t fail me.” Kim is so happy with Liam that she is even considering a second child. “The process was very difficult, but it was so worth doing,” said Kim, who uses nine gigabytes a month on pictures of Liam. “He brings so much joy to our family.” Kim’s personal favorite memories of Liam are when he babbles his “alien language” consisting of pouts and “wows,” defensively clings to his cobalt blue toothbrush, or when, as he sleds down the snowy sidewalks, tailed by their Yorkshire Terrier, Cookie, he never fails to wave. “I forget what my life was like without Liam,” Kim said. “It feels like he’s been here forever. And it really is just like falling in love.”
