Look Who’s Talking
Suffering a life-changing injury and losing his two best friends in separate accidents, former West Sussex firefighter, Paul Weller, found himself on a cliff face, contemplating taking his life. Stepping back from the edge, he sought support from The Fire Fighters Charity and believes that opening up about his feelings made a life-changing difference.
H
aving been a firefighter for 10 years, Paul Weller never expected it would be an injury sustained during a football match that would change his life forever. Falling awkwardly during a game in 2012, Paul broke his leg in six places and ruptured his Achilles tendon. Having undergone a major operation to fix his foot, he was told he would never be able to run or play football again. On top of this, he was also coping with the loss of his two best friends, who had both died in separate accidents in close succession. “It was a really difficult time for me,” says Paul, who now works as a Terminal Manager at Gatwick Airport. “I bottled things up and everything got on top of me.” Nine months after his operation, Paul’s old crew manager suggested contacting The Fire Fighters Charity to see how we could help. Having reached out for support he made three visits to Jubilee House, our centre in Penrith, Cumbria. There, he focussed on his physical injury, declining
“I’d always given a regular donation in my salary when I was a firefighter, but the Charity gave me so much, I felt I had to do more. I am aware how expensive it is for them to do what they’ve done to help me, so if I can give some of that back in any kind of way, I will.” the offer of psychological support, a decision he now admits was a mistake. “I didn’t like talking to people about my problems, and just thought I could cope,” he explains. “I was there for my injury, so that’s what I focussed on. I’ve always been someone who doesn’t talk. I let things build up inside and try to deal with them myself. But nine times out of 10, I don’t deal with them. And I didn’t realise just how much I was bottling things up.” His doctors agreed he needed another operation – making it 11 in total – eventually having a full ankle replacement. He was then told he would have
to leave West Sussex Fire and Rescue Service and his role at Hayward’s Heath station, where he had spent the best part of a decade. “That was probably the hardest part, and all I could focus on were the negatives,” he says. “I was struggling with the last images I had of my friends who had died and I couldn’t face going back to the station to see colleagues because being around the lads reminded me too much of what I was giving up. I also used to play football at quite a decent standard and losing that was a big thing. It felt like I was saying goodbye to a lot of things all at once.” Things reached breaking point
Shout!
