4 minute read
nurture hub
As I begin this letter, I am already wondering who you are and what I could learn from you. Isn’t that strange? I am meant to be telling you what I have learned about life but I am interested in what you have learned, what you know. I don’t even know where to start. I suppose that is the danger in trying to tell someone the things that you have learned, you suddenly realise that trying to distill these things into sensible, consumable pieces of information that could possibly assist someone else makes them all seem trivial. As though your whole life is small and the lessons even smaller.
I suppose it might help you to know, Stranger, that I am a person who is incredibly over confident, when I am confident, and cripplingly under-confident, when I am not feeling confident. It makes me hard for others to understand, maybe you will find this as I go on. The first thing that I have learned is that everything is usually okay. Really. Even when things seem terrible and like they cannot or will not get better, they probably will end soon. Everything is temporary and people are better than you think. Most people would help you if they knew that you needed help. I have met so many people who have helped me, not because I could or would give them anything but because they could, so they did. The second thing, that I am just now realising I have learned, is that people have to know you need help in order to help you. When you’re open with people and face the things you’re struggling with front on and with openness, people understand what you might need from them. It can be scary to expose yourself in that way, but it’s usually worth it. There are way more good people than bad people around. The funny thing is that I learned to first two things when I was so far from home. I moved to another country and proceeded to be more like the person I want to be than I ever have. I think because I didn’t feel restricted by the expectations of people who have always known me. It gave me so much freedom to be someone else, or at least a different version of the same person. So, I would say that is something I have learned; it’s hard
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to be you while trying to also be the you that other people think 35| The FishBones | Issue #1 nurture that you are. You become an in between person, someone who is hub neither themselves, nor not themselves. It is kinda like the saying in Strictly Ballroom “A life lived in fear, is a life half lived”. Only, not living in fear is also terrifying. But not in the same way, it’s terrifying but exciting. The stakes are higher but the rewards are better. I will say I cried a lot more though. There is less crying when you live in fear. Money can only get you so far. That is worth remembering. I have been in positions where I have had a lot of money and in situations where I’ve had my last £5 in my pocket. I was uncomfortable in both positions. But I have found that the less money you have, the easier is it to have even less than that.
When you have money, it is very hard to want to give any of that money up if it is not serving you. When I have had barely any money, I have been happy to share it, to use the little I had to give something to someone else. I used to regularly buy food for homeless people, give money to charities on the street, buy copies of The Big Issue. I don’t do those things anymore. It makes me sad that I am less generous when I have more, but I almost feel like my position is more precarious now.
If anything goes wrong I’m really fucked. I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent, run my car, pay my insurances. The loss of money affects so many other things when you’re well off. I suppose that is why research shows that people will always live to the limits of their means and if they begin to earn more money, they will find a way.............
