6
First word welcome to our mag
It’s that time again when mother nature turns on the hot tap and the nation decides to take yet another (what they believe to be) well deserved holiday, because the 1st of May, and the four day Easter weekend just wasn’t enough. If you’re in business here, you’ll find things tend to slow down a bit and God forbid you’re in a seasonal business and it’s the wrong season.
So this being June, make the most out of every deal you can get ya’ hands on. As you flick through the pages of this month’s edition, you’ll see there are pages of absolute crap followed by more crap and then we’ll give you some information that will be about as useful as lips on a chicken.
that we hope you’ll find funnier than a kick in the head.
For all our car fans we’ve dedicated the section this month to something a bit... well turn the page and you’ll find out.. No spoilers here unfortunately. Other than that, you’ll find your usual combination of mixed and messed up stories that we hope will leave you with a WTF We’ve unleashed a few funny facts about an otherwise funny expression on your face... So on country along with a few jokes that note, Happy reading.
8
Foreign new in town
For many of us Romania is the land of the unfinished, the manic drivers, curent (which I’ll come back to) and most importantly the spanking hot beautiful ladies. If you have been here for well at least 24 hours, you’ll be privy to all of the above. Looking at this small generalised list, one has to ask, what can be changed? The drivers??? No! This one will never change as it’s part of their genetic makeup. Now you might be thinking: hang on – maybe by now they deserve some credit... change is possible, then let me stop you right there. Couple of things:
For all those who are new to town... Welcome!!! I was asked by a client who shall remain anonymous...to basically make this section full of little useful tips and short stories, if you will, about living in Romania. I guess, the kind of do’s and don’ts, the highlights and the other weird and wonderful attributes this now cosmopolitan city has on offer. 1. Cars other than the 1979 model Dacia, only existed if you owned the one car that gave ComNow as this is a client, pays well, helps us out munism a bad name, a Trabant, or you were a anywhere possible and as usual, is more than diplomat and in this case you would have been supportive of what we are achieving. So we de- rolling round Bucharest in a 1980’s model e class cided to tell him to piss off as it was just as funny Merc. as a pay toilet in the diarrhoea ward.
2. The locals were semi-OK drivers before, because their home-made plastic water bottle motors simply wouldn’t allow anything else of the sort.
because you’ll never find it cheaper.” And so you do. Welcome!
Bucharest, the European Havana, is still probably the most interesting capital city in many ways in Europe. Living in Bucharest is like living in a film The Curent... we’ll come back to this, as it really does warrant its own article. But the ladies. They noir full of gangsters, corrupt officials, femmes fatales, old men in hats. The town has so much really are the one thing that keep the foreign energy. It is a twenty-one year old – London and man, well and truly, on his toes. It’s something you notice as soon as you get off the plane. Then Paris are in their fifties. But let us enjoy the new again, you come into the country with a handful rather than regret the past: the old town makes of other expat passengers, think to yourself that people happy and there are three or four good restaurants there (Sindbad, St George, Lacrimi generally airport staff are hot and may even disregard the concept completely. Romania will si Sfinti and Charme since you ask). The new old town annoys me but it has a buzz and is a lot of catch up to you! You only have to be in the cab fun. If only it had not descended from the sky for no more than 25 minutes before it grabs almost overnight, but I rejoice that it came, like out and reaches you and sends the subliminal messages saying “settle here...stay here, soil our many things in Romania, much later than you lands with your wealth, impregnate our women would have expected. and drown yourself in as much booze as you can
10 Your Pleasure
Curent
One thing you’ll know if you’ve been here a while will be roughly how restaurants work here in Romania. If you’re new and found this edition after dinning out a few times you’ll be able to relate. If you’re going out for dinner here, there are a few things that you need to be aware of... the Bucharest etiquette if you like. We’ll start with the beginning of the experience and work our way right up to the tipping protocol. You’ll more often find the attitude of the waiting staff colder than a well digger’s ass and generally feel that it’s your privilege to be dinning in their restaurant rather than theirs for having you
Randomly while out at a friend’s birthday in the middle of May, I had the privilege of meeting the 6th and 7th Kiwi’s here in Bucharest, which tells me there are only another 14 people left on the little island, so might be worth going back. Now as it happens every Kiwi I have met here has been from the same home town as myself. The most bizarre part of me telling you is that when I bumped into 1,2,3,4 and number 5 here, within less than a few minutes they had all asked me the same thing as number 6 & 7. “What is the deal with Curent”. Now if you’re reading this and thinking this magazine isn’t too helpful, then think again. This is the one lesson about Romanian superstition that you need to know about, especially if you have come here as an employer. The Great Romanian Curent.
Now if you’re like me and occasionally get really F$#@ed off at this kind of approach you’ll run the risk of having your food spat in, so give the waiter / waitress a right bollocking and leave, even if mucus would improve the food, of what you may often find is drier than a dead dingo’s donga... The next thing to be aware of is the clarity which is required when placing your order. The number of times I have asked for 3 Heinekens, and a coffee and ended up with 3 coffees and a pack of Marlboro Lights... then again, could just be my poor New Zealand English that needs work. Either way...
No matter where you come from, unless Romania of course, “Curent”, doesn’t actually exist. You may be familiar with a similar concept. A draft! That’s all it is, nothing more... nothing less. Now the myth behind curent is that it will give you a sore neck, perhaps a tooth ache, or the classic and ever so epic, you may have heard from some of your female staff that it makes their ovary’s hurt. How do you deal with that? How can opening the windows on both sides of the car or office, because it’s the best part of 40 degrees outside, possibly cause your ovary’s to hurt??? On to the billing process or the “Nota” as it’s So as a manager or employer, you’ll find yourself called here. If your bill is 50 Ron and you put hearing this and if you do ever find a great way down a 100 Ron note, give it to the waiter and to overcome this feminine objection to not say “thank you”, don’t expect any change! So wanting to work, then please email us at myounless the service was fantastic, the food was varyshurtnolonger@thefword.ro . Other than amazing and you’re happy with the price and that, you’ll hear them go on and on about this like tipping 100% of the bill – hand him the dough without muttering a word. This way you’ll mythical mystery and never be able to relate. How anyone could ever get a tooth ache from get change. I If it was really piss poor, it’s best the draft in a car, the office or at home is beyond you leave a 1 Ron tip. That’ll really wind them me. To all those Romanians who read this, I shit up... or better yet, save ya self the grief have you not... it doesn’t exist!!! a few before ya eat, then you’ll probably not notice.
14
Freaky stuff Random as you like
”I am 22 years old and I want to play with a male Horse. Simple as that. If you have access to a Male horse, and can allow me access to a male horse, then contact me please ;) I will do something in return.”
Man Lost At Sea For 14 Months Denies Eating Shipmate
When Alvarenga was rescued, Cordoba’s corpse was nowhere in sight. Some believe he may have eaten his shipmate for survival. Alvarenga told the Jose Salvador Alvarenga, who Daily Mail he pushed Cordoba was rescued in January after 14 months adrift at sea, insists overboard five days after the teen died. “After he died, one there is no truth to allegapart of my brain refused to actions that he ate his shipmate, cept he had gone. So I laid him Ezequiel Cordoba, to survive. “Not for one second did I think down on his side at the far end of the boat, beside the broken of eating Ezequiel” Said Jose. engine, and carried on talking “I wouldn’t have done it, even if to him. it meant that I starved. It would have been on my conscience forever. On Nov. 17, 2012, Alvarenga, 37, set sail in a small fishing boat near the coastal town of Tonala, Mexico, with Ezequiel Cordoba, whose age was reportedly between 15 Each morning I’d tell him to and 18. The boat disappeared wake up, and sometime I’d ask during bad weather. In January, Alvarenga was found alive him how it felt to be dead,” he told the Daily Mail. “It was only on an atoll near the Marshall Islands, nearly 6,500 miles away. on the fifth day that I came to my senses and asked myself: Alvarenga said Cordoba died ‘What am I doing, talking to a 16 weeks into the long ordeal corpse?’ Then I asked God to because he wasn’t able to stomach the only diet available give me courage, said goodbye, and pushed his body over the to the castaways: raw fish and side.” animal blood.
Alvarenga’s story has unleashed scepticism from many, including Gee Bing, the acting secretary of foreign affairs for the Marshall Islands. “It does sound like an incredible story, and I’m not sure if I believe his story,” Bing told the Associated Press in February. “When we saw him, he was not really thin compared to other survivors in the past. I may have some doubts. Once we start communicating with where he’s from, we’ll be able to find out more information.” In early April, Alvarenga’s lawyer, Danilo Barrera, told Reuters that his client passed a lie detector test regarding the events that happened between the boat’s disappearance and his eventual discovery.
Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges After Looking For Horse On Craigslist An Arizona woman has been arrested on bestiality charges after allegedly trying to arrange sex with a horse via Craigslist.
16 tive. The meeting took place on Tuesday and deputies brought along a horse from the sheriff’s Mounted Posse as a prop.
25, of Knoxville, Tenn., allegedly sent his mother text messages on April 18 claiming his drug dealer was going to kill him if he didn’t pay $200. Logsdon’s During the meeting, Waelde mother repeatedly asked if he allegedly admitted to placing was telling the truth because, the ad and her sexual intenshe told police, he had tried “I am 22 years old and I want to tions with the animal. She was this scam before in order to get play with a male Horse. Simple arrested and charged with con- drug money, but it didn’t work spiracy to commit bestiality. A then either. This time around, as that. If you have access to a search warrant of her home was she called 911. Male horse, and can allow me also executed, according to AZ access to a male horse, then Central.com. Maricopa County With her help, investigators set contact me please ;) I will do Sheriff Joe Arpaio said Waelde’s up a meeting to drop off the something in return.” arrest was the fourth case since money. When Logsdon came to 2011, where an alleged animal get the cash, he saw investigasex abuser was caught on Craig- tors and ran. After a short chase, slist. “Cases like these are tough Logsdon was taken into custody to talk about, but we will always and charged with filing a false go after those who commit sex report and resisting arrest. He is acts with animals.” being held at the Knox County Jail in lieu of $3,500, or $3,300 Waelde’s ad caught the eye of more than the amount he alleganother Craigslist visitor who Man Fakes Kidnapreported it to the Maricopa ping But Mom Won’t edly asked for his fake ransom. Knoxville Police Officer Darrell County Sheriff’s Office. UnPay Ransom DeBusk told the News, he was dercover deputies contacted unsure why the suspect chose Waelde. During a subsequent A man accused of staging $200 as the ransom amount. conversation, she allegedly stat- his own kidnapping failed to “That was just the amount he ed she wanted to perform oral quickly make cash when his used. Why he used that amount, sex on the horse and agreed to mother wasn’t willing to pay we don’t know,” he said. meet the undercover detechis ransom. Zachery Logsdon, The woman, who’s described as transgender and who the police report is legally known as Donald Waelde, 22, posted this ad on the Missed Connections section of Phoenix Craigslist on April 8:
18
Funny as a fart in an elevator jokes
Dwayne is recovering from surgery in St Peter’s, Chertsey, UK, having had a local anesthetic, when a nurse asks him how he’s feeling.’ I’m O.K. but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery.’ ‘What did he say?’ asks the nurse. ‘OOPS!’
Funny signs In a restaurant window just outside Brixham, Devon, UK: Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up. In a health food shop window in Los Angeles, USA: Closed due to illness. In a pub in West Sussex which is non-smoking: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Every time Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul’s house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him nuts... ‘Peter won’t get away with it this time, ‘muttered Paul to Liz, his wife, ‘Watch this.’ ‘Er, I wonder if you’ d be using your hedge trimmer this morning?’ asked Paul the neighbor. ‘Crikey, I’m terribly sorry, ‘said Paul with a smug look, ‘but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.’ ‘In that case, ‘smiled Peter, ‘you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?’
Great truths about success in life: At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a driver’s license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
The concerned golfer Dear Abby, I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don’t know them. I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her
20 around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls.” When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my Taylor Made 460 driver. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the PGA Superstore? Signed... Concerned Golfer
• Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone. • Man who run in front of car get tired. • Man who run behind car get exhausted. • Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. • Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. • Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. • Man with one chopstick go hungry. • Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Legendary Proverbs • Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly. • Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk. • Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth. • War doesn’t determine who is right, war determines who is left. • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. • Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. • It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it. • Man who drive like hell bound to get there. • Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. • Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. • Man who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs. • Man who farts in church sits in own pew. • Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have crappy time. • Crowded elevator smells different to midget
22
F...king what ????????
“I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened,”
Monica Lewinsky Breaks Her Silence about Bill Monica Lewinsky is opening up about her affair with former President Bill Clinton for the first time in years, sharing how
the Internet has driven her and others to “global humiliation.” Lewinsky, who penned an essay for Vanity Fair that will be available digitally on May 8 and on newsstands May 13, said she finally came forward about her experience because of Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old who committed suicide after a video of him kissing another man was broadcasted online. “Thanks to the Drudge Report,
I was also possibly the first person whose global humiliation was driven by the Internet,” Lewinsky said. Lewinsky said she and her mother were both disturbed by the circumstances surrounding Clementi’s death. “She was reliving 1998, when she wouldn’t let me out of her sight. She was replaying those weeks when she stayed by my bed, night after night, because I, too, was suicidal,” Lewinsky said of her mother. “The shame,
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the blue dress,” Lewinsky said.
old Hilary talks about aliens that people start to doubt her. “I, myself, deeply regret what Specifically, when she says she happened between me and has been abducted by creatures President Clinton. Let me say it from other worlds more times again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. than she can count. “I have been an alien abductee all my She hoped by telling her story, What. Happened,” she added. life,” she says with a sigh as she she “might be able to help others in their darkest moments Woman abducted by shows me into a living room where two ornamental spaceof humiliation.” Lewinsky also aliens ‘more times ships sit on the mantelpiece. “I put to rest some rumors that than she can count’ didn’t choose this life. I didn’t have followed her since news broke of her affair with Clinton, Hilary Porter knows most peo- ask for any of this, but it has saying she was not offered a ple won’t believe what she says been happening for as long as I can remember.” $12 million “for a salacious tell- and some will dismiss her as a all-book”, but noting she did nutter, even though she seems Hilary will be among more than turn down “offers that would entirely normal and her many 100 people at a national conferhave earned me more than $10 responsible jobs include work ence this month organised by million, because they didn’t feel for the Ministry of Defence. the Anomalous Mind Managelike the right thing to do.” “It’s “I’m a sane, together person,” time to burn the beret and bury she says. It’s only when 67-year- ment, Abductee, Contactee, the scorn, and the fear that had been thrown at her daughter left her afraid that I would take my own life - a fear that I would be literally humiliated to death.”
25 Helpline Project (Ammach for short). She will share stories and compare notes with others who claim similar experiences. The first close encounter she recalls came when she was five and playing in the long grass in a field behind her home. She says: “Suddenly there was a reptilian alien in front of me. “It had scaly skin, black holes on the nose and a little mouth.
can’t remember anything after that.” She believes this was not the first time because when she was two she kept disappearing from a secure back garden and her frantic mother would find her half a mile away. Hilary has no memory of those disappearances, but rattles off one close encounter after another from her adult life.
off and a security guard who had witnessed something was taken away for treatment and never seen again. Her experiences have common threads. Afterwards she suffers migraines and feels very ill. Sometimes she wakes up with fresh scars or bruises. Or there are bloody marks or stains on her clothes or bed sheets. “I’ve got a metal implant in my ear She is sure she was abducted while driving near Cardiff in the too,” she says. “The doctor said “It wasn’t tall – maybe 5ft, but very strong. It grabbed my arms 1970s and again by a hexagonal it was wax but I can feel it. My partner Ken has a monitor that spacecraft while hanging out and pulled me towards a disc bunting at a charity event. She detects bugging devices. “He in a depression in the field. “It puts it near my ear and it goes tells me an alien broke into a dragged me underneath into top-secret research laboratory ding-ding-ding.” Hilary will a lift and the door slid closed. tell the full Marconi story for at a local Marconi plant while “The next thing I knew I was the first time at the Ammach she worked there in 1974. in a room with consoles and gathering. coloured lights and little figures moving around. “I was stripped She remembers two orbs of “Of course there are sceptics, and thrown on to some sort of light flying past her kitchen people who laugh at us, but bed. “They took a really horrible, window near the M3 in Farnsharp instrument and they were borough, Hants, and when she that doesn’t bother us,” she tells pressing it right the way up my went to work next day sections me. “Just because they haven’t of the building were cordoned seen it with their own eyes body while I was screaming. I
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www.books-express.ro the brink, she started looking for other people with similar stories. That’s when she met partner Ken, who runs the British Earth and Aerial Mysteries Society (BEAMS).
doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” “We’ve had people from right across the spectrum tell us about their experiences, from university graduates to businessmen. “They can’t all be just stupid.”
window. I froze. “After a few moments he raised his hand and I did the same. “After that I wasn’t quite so frightened. I thought he wasn’t going to hurt me. “Then he glided to the back of the garden. He moved so fast.
Hilary used to work as draftsman and artist for the MoD and decided to record her encounters by drawing them. One of her pictures shows her as a little girl being dragged towards the spaceship. Another sketched in 1980 shows a shadowy figure standing just outside her window. She recalls: “I had just put my daughter Sally to bed and came downstairs. Then I spotted a huge figure by the
Hilary is now planning to work with Ammach founder Joanne Summerscales on a self-help manual for abductees. Since founding her group in 2011 Joanne has been contacted by 1,500 people who believe Then he shot sideways, paused they have been abducted. Several claim to have implants for several seconds, and was like Hilary. “I keep hearing the gone.” For years she suffered same things time and again but alone until a “crisis abducthese people have never met,” tion” in 1994 when she says says Joanne. “I think there are she was shown flashbacks of previous encounters. Pushed to definitely aliens on our planet.”
28
Fried rice Flipped, Fried & Fantastic
Once a month we use this chapter as a chance to give you a bit of something that’s as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards. And why not?!!! So this month we’re giving you …....
Schoolgirls arrested over plot to murder teacher Two schoolgirls were yesterday expelled after being arrested on suspicion of plotting to murder their Maths teacher Ann Maguire in Leeds . The girls, aged 14 and 15, were allegedly heard discussing a knife attack on Alison Cray, 46. It came days after the killing of teacher Ann Maguire, 61, in Leeds. The 15-year-old was also arrested on Thursday on suspicion of having a knife and making death threats. The pupils, who have been bailed, will be moved from Cwmcarn High School, near Newport, to a special education unit. A council spokesman confirmed: “Both girls were permanently excluded.”
The elder student joined a protest 18 months ago to keep her school open when asbestos was found in the building. Miss Cray and school governors praised the swift action. Chairman Gary Thomas said: “We thank parents for their positive calls. ”A girl aged 14 was arrested yesterday for possession of a knife at Rainham School for Girls in Gillingham, Kent, police said.
Cancer patient spends 10 hours in pre-op room to be told by cleaner – to go home A seriously ill patient found out his life-saving operation was cancelled - after being told by a cleaner. Dave Sheppard, 69, needed surgery to remove cancerous tumours from his body. But, after waiting for 10 hours in a pre-op room, a cleaner told him to go home. Now, after months of turmoil, Dave has finally managed to have his lifesaving prostate surgery, after receiving a personal call from a surgeon. But Dave’s operation had already been cancelled once before, and the latest mix up left Dave losing the will to live after what he calls, “a string of blunders” at Castle Hill hospital in Cottingham, East Yorks. Dave lost 5st in three months after he was
diagnosed with kidney cancer last year. He had an operation in November 2013, but needed further surgery after the cancer spread. Dave claims doctors told him and his family that he would undergo an operation on his prostate within six weeks to reduce the risk of the disease spreading any further. But they heard nothing from doctors for five weeks so Dave’s wife, Jacky called the hospital and was told she would hear back soon. She says that call never came either and she was forced to call the hospital again on January 12.
circumstances.” But yet again Dave’s lifesaving operation was cancelled and he only found out after a ten-hour wait and when a cleaner advised him that he would probably have to go home. The cleaner returned almost an hour later with a nurse, who confirmed the news. But following months of stress, Dave received a personal call from a Castle Hill surgeon and underwent his operation on Easter Monday.
Wife, Jacky said: “We are just so relieved. Hopefully now Dave will be rid of cancer. We received a call from the surgeon himself, which is unheard of by all accounts, hopefully this will be the end Anxious Dave was eventually given a slot at Castle Hill, in Cottingham, on March 25. But less of it.” Now Dave has finally managed to have the than 24 hours before the scheduled surgery, the surgery, he is now hoping to meet his newborn 19th grandchild. Jacky said: “I can’t wait to see hospital called the couple to say the operation had been cancelled. A letter followed within the him. He was so low before and had completely given up on life, so I’m really hoping this makes week, rescheduling for April 25. With the letter were Dave’s medical notes, which stated: “Opera- him feel better about life again. “Hopefully, he will be clear of cancer and he can enjoy his retion must not be cancelled again under any
tirement. “Our latest grandchild has been born and we have plenty more to be having fun with, too.”
Drunk hotel guest is sued for £275,000 after flooding all 8 floors
Many people have experienced a bit of a black out after having one or two too many to drink. Spare a thought then for Padraig Gaffney who discovered that he had caused £275,000 of damage to a hotel when he set off a fire hydrant. The Fraser Place Hotel in Melbourne had to be evacuated when water flooded the building from the eighth floor, cascading down through the building. Despite the latenight evacuation, Gaffney went back to his room and when police found him his hair was still wet. He was in the city to celebrate his 28th birthday and planned to propose to his girlfriend. They have since broken up. Despite the huge cost of the cleanup operation, Gaffney was fined just £5,500 after pleading guilty to criminal damage. Gaffney told Fairfax Media: “This entire thing has ruined my life completely. “I’ve spent 10 years in
Australia trying to better myself and in the space of one night everything can be taken away from you. “People who go out for the night and drink too much can ruin themselves completely.” Gaffney was staying at the serviced apartments on April 21 last year and after a night out they returned to the hotel at around 10pm. But he got up at midnight and urinated in the hallway then, wearing just his underwear, he went down the emergency staircase to the eighth floor where he turned the hydrant on. By now he had taken his underwear off and a guest who he woke up on the 10th floor gave him a pair of underpants. Before going back to bed, however, he knocked on several doors at the hotel while the fire brigade was alerted. Gaffney told police: “This is not like me at all. I don’t know what the hell happened. “Why would
anyone have a reason for that(flooding the hotel)? I’d just like to say I’m very, very sorry. I can’t remember a goddamn thing.” Gaffney emigrated to Queensland where he works for a construction company. He is now being sued by the hotel.
turtle-necks, pencil skirts, fitted suits and heels. According to Lorenzana, she requested to be transferred to another branch in May 2009.
Woman Fired From Citibank For Being ‘Too Sexy’ A Queens woman says she was fired from a Manhattan bank for being too hot for the workplace. Debrahlee Lorenzana, filed a lawsuit against Citibank claiming she was the victim of a hostile work environment simply because of the way she dressed on the job. She began working at the Citibank branch in the Chrysler Building in September 2009 and soon encountered “inappropriate and sexist comments” from her male co-workers. The 33-year-old Queens woman says she was told by her bosses to tone down her wardrobe, including form-fitting clothes like
After initially being turned down, her wish was granted in July 2009 when she was moved to the Rockefeller Center branch, but was fired in August 2009 for alleged poor job performance. Lorenzana has since landed another banking job. She says she has not changed her wardrobe and received no complaints from her new coworkers. She is suing for lost wages and emotional distress.
34
Feels like home a touch of home
Missing home? This chapter is a reminder for some of us why we left, others glad they did and maybe why a few might be homesick. This month we’re going a bit past Europe to give you something madder than a baptist in a brothel. India.
1. Population: With over 1.2 billion people, India is second only to China and will likely overtake China if current growth continues.
Interesting Facts about India
3. One quarter of the work force: It’s estimated that in the next two to three years, 25% of people entering the workforce will be Indian.
Whether you are from India, looking for some interesting facts about India, or a foreigner travelling to India, these facts will blow your mind away.
2. Land size: In order to accommodate the huge population, India does have the seventh largest land area in the world.
4. Millions: There are over a million Indian millionaires. However, the gap between the rich
36 and poor is still very big, with many living on a poverty level. 5. Language: India has no National Language. Hindi is an official language used in many regions, English is also commonly used in many regions. There are many popular regional languages like Tamil, Malayalam, Telugu, Kannada and Marathi spoken and officially used in their respective regions. employer. 6. Value of PI: Baudhayana, an Indian mathematician first calculated the value of PI. He is also said to have discovered other mathematical 10. Varanasi: Having been visited by Buddha in 500 B.C. Varanasi is the oldest continuously theorems still in use. habituated city in the world. 7. University: The first university is said to have 11. Wonder: The Taj Mahal is considered one of been started in Takshila in 700 B.C. Thousands the Seven Wonders of the World. It was built by of students from all over the world studied a Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his variety of subjects. wife. 8. Largest postal system: India still uses the 12. Food: Cooking and eating are a large part of postal system and it shows. They still have the Indian culture and tradition. It’s not uncommon largest postal system in the world. for meals to require hours of preparation time and most festivals and gatherings center around 9. Trains: India has the world’s second largfood. est train network, and it is the largest civilian
13. Roads: The world’s largest road network is in India—over 1.9 million miles of roads cover the country. 14. Chess: Chaturanga—Sanskrit, meaning “four members of an army” was invented in India. Now known all over the world, chess had its beginnings in India. 15. Name: The official Sanskrit name for India is Bharat Ganarajya. Even today, it is often called Bharat by young and old. 16. Origin of India name: The name “India” comes from the Indus River, which is where earliest settlers made their homes. The Indus valley is one of the world’s earliest urban civilizations. 17. British rule: The British ruled India from 1858-1947, although their presence and trade
had been going on for some time before then. 18. Independence: On August 15, 1947, India gained independence from the British, after a successful nearly non-violent independence movement. 19. Government: India is governed under a parliamentary system and is a federal constitutional republic. There are 28 states and 7 union territories in India. 20. Capital: The capital city of India is New Delhi. It is the center of government and is also home to 2 UNESCO heritage sites. 21. Diamonds: Until 1986, the only place where diamonds had been officially found was in India.
38 22. Multi-lingual: There are 1,652 dialects and languages spoken in India. It is not at all unusual for an Indian to speak at least two and often more languages well. 23. Recognized languages: There are currently 22 recognized languages in India, with Standard Hindi and English being the standard languages. 24. English speakers: Because so many Indians speak English, India now has the largest population of English speakers in the world. 25. Borders: India shares land borders with Pakistan, China, Nepal, Bhutan, Burma and Bangladesh. Sri Lanka and the Maldives are neighbour- 31. Movies: No list featuring facts about India would be complete without this tidbit: India ing ocean countries. has the largest movie industry in the world. Most Indian movies come from Bollywood, but 26. Exports: Going back thousands of years, India has long exported textiles. Current exports there are many studios around the country who include steel, agricultural goods, and many ser- contribute as well. vices, such as in the tech or medical industries. 32. Holy Writings: The Vedic Scriptures date to 2000-500 BC and were composed in the Punjab 27. Beauties: India has won two Miss Universe region. and five Miss World titles so far. Many Indian beauty queens are also Bollywood actresses or 33. Invented zero: A commonly known, but not models. to be neglected India fact is that the number 28. Age demographic: More than 50% of India and concept of zero was invented and documented first by Indians. is younger than 25 and more than 65% are 35 or younger. The average Indian age is much 34. Ancient buildings: All over India, ancient younger than most other nations. buildings and structures can be found. Sculptures and paintings on the buildings often tell 29. Old civilization: Some of the oldest and stories or describe life at that time period. most long-lasting civilizations can be traced to India, or areas that used to belong to India. Early empires were larger than other neighbour- 35. IT: The Pentium chip and Hotmail were created by Indians—Vinod Dahm and Sabeer Bhatia ing empires of the time, including Egypt and respectively. The Indian IT population is growing Mesopotamia. and is highly sought after all over the world. 30. Peace loving: India has never invaded any 36. School: The world’s largest Montessori country. It was invaded by other countries and school is in India. It has over 26,000 students! rulers, including Alexander the Great.
40 community is heavily dependent on milk, 37. National fruit: While India may not be the biggest mango exporter, over 12 million tons of India has become the largest producer of milk mangoes are grown each year. That’s the equiva- in the world. lent of over 2,400 Asian Elephants! 42. National drink: Chai, or tea is drunk 38. Cotton: Indian cotton was well known; some widely in India. They produce more tea than any other country, exporting to countries all of the earliest cotton came from India. Roman and Mongol royalty wore Indian cotton, known over the world. for being light and airy. 43. Spices: While Saffron has its roots in neighbouring countries, India uses the most 39. Beans: India produces more dried beans expensive spice in several sweets and other than any other nation on earth. This includes a variety of legumes such as the kidney bean and dishes. chick peas as well as a variety of lentils. 44. Staples: The main food staples in India are rice in the south, wheat in the north, and dhal 40. Bananas: Another top export from India or lentils. is bananas. No other country exports as many 45. Lucky color: Red is the color of good luck bananas, not even Brazil, which is second. and is usually worn for weddings and other celebrations and festivals. 41. Producer of milk: Because India’s pastoral
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46. Vegetarian: India has the largest amount of vegetarians in the world.
land is 3,400 miles, but if you include the islands that belong to India, the coastline is closer to 4,700 miles.
47. Finger food: Most Indian food is still traditionally eaten without silverware. Rotis or chapat- 53. Mangrove: The Sundarbans is the largest single block of tidal halophytic mangroves in tis aid with this. the world. 1/3 of the Sundarbans is in India. This is also the reserve for the Bengal Tiger. 48. Time: All of India — despite the large landspace is on one time zone. This is, however, half-an-hour different to neighbouring countries, 54. Jungle: Less than 12% of the Indian landmass is covered in jungle. However, the country making for a complicated time zone. has a large variety of plant and animal life including 13.7% of all avian creatures. 49. Cherrapunji is the wettest spot on earth. It receives at least 425 inches of rain every year, which is over 5 times more than the tropical rain 55. Protected: India has worked hard to preserve endangered species and their shrinkforests of South America! ing wild-life. There are more than 500 wildlife sanctuaries and 13 reserves. 50. Highest peaks: The Himalaya includes the highest peak in the world—Everest. The mountain 56. Heritage: There are 27 UNESCO heritage range stretches about 1,500 miles long and is sites in India. These protected areas help to proover 23,600 ft at its highest. tect the long culture and history of the country. 51. Sacred River: The Ganga is the longest river in India and is considered sacred by Hindus. It has 57. Diversity: India has a lot of geographical diversity, including sand beaches, mountain the most populated river basin in the world. ranges, desert, rock beaches, and large planes. 52. Coastline: The actual coastline on the main
42 58. Climate: The four main climate groups in India are: tropical wet, tropical dry, subtropical humid, and mountain. The four seasons are: winter, summer, monsoon, and post monsoon.
Ashok Chakra—righteousness.
67. National Emblem: The Sarnath Lion depicts four lions back to back from which the national emblem stems. It symbolizes courage, 59. Vishnu Temple: This temple in Tirupathi is the confidence, and strength. most visited pilgrimage destination in the world, 68. National animal: The national animal is the even more than Mecca or the Vatican. Bengal Tiger. Nearly extinct, it enjoys a national 60. Lotus Temple: Made from white marble, this reserve where it is protected. temple has 27 free-standing “petals”. The structure is widely recognized for its artistic value as well as 69. National bird: The peacock is the national bird of India and can be seen in many parks, a Baha’i place of worship. even in the cities. 61. Humayun’s tomb: A little known fact about 70. Ganges River Dolphin: Another little India is that the first garden-tomb in the world known fact about India is this species of dolwas built in India. It was built as a tomb for Emperor Humayun, but also houses the graves of his phin, which includes 2 subspecies and is the only blind dolphin in the world. Both subspewife and other Mughals. cies are in danger of extinction and as such are 62. Religious gathering: Every twelve years, the protected. Maha Kumbh Mela happens in Allahabad. This is 71. National flower: The beautiful and fragile the largest religious gathering in the world. lotus is the national flower of India. It’s very common in many bodies of water. 63. Brihadeeswara Temple: India’s largest temple which houses the statue of Nandi—carved 72. National tree: The national tree of India out of a single 13ft rock. The entire temple is is the bunyan or fig tree. It’s featured in many made out of granite and is over 1000 years old. stories and legends. 64. High ground: The world’s highest cricket 73. Gold: India is still the largest buyer of gold ground is in Himachal Pradesh. It was built after in the world. Gold is an important part of Indian a hill was leveled at over 2,400 meter above sea culture, including gifts for weddings and other level. major events or festivals. 65. Largest democracy: India is a democracy and has one of the highest voter turn-outs in the 74. Largest city: Mumbai is the largest city in India, with over 15 million people. world. Election expenses grow from election to election as well. 75. Melting pot: India is home to every major religion in the world. Hinduism, Buddhism, 66. Flag with meaning: The Indian flag is ‘tri colored’. Saffron—courage and sacrifice; white— Jainism, and Sikhism all started in India. truth, peace, and purity; green—prosperity. The
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Far fetched it can't be
This month we’ve decided to double up – and give ya something you never hear much about -Twins
to London without telling anyone. The twins were apparently behaving like hooligans whose team had just lost, so the driver kicked them out in the middle of the highway and told them to walk it off. They did just that: Twins get a bad reputation from movies: They are shown as They started walking in the either satanic beings or parent- middle of the highway, not giving a shit about the speeding trapping little brats. Well, this cars. At this point they ran into reputation may not be coma group of officers who were pletely unfounded. If you feel being filmed for a COPS-like bad for being so creeped out show for the BBC. The cameras by twins, let us share with you captured every batshit insane some true stories that range from merely weird to downright moment that came after that -the video that follows at times bone-chilling. looks staged as hell, but it isn’t. There’s a real murder conviction Swedish twins Ursula and Sabina Eriksson had no history of to prove it. mental illness and lived normal, happy lives with their respective families. Then, one day, Ursula travelled from the U.S. to Ireland to visit her sister ... and what followed was a spree of violence and shared madness that resulted in several traffic accidents, one murder victim, and a whole bunch of baffled cops. Sabina and Ursula were in Ireland when, for unknown reasons, they hopped on a bus
The twins were detained by the cops and appeared calm, until Ursula sprinted onto the
highway and ran directly into the wheels of a truck. The cops hadn’t even had time to react when, seconds later, Sabina did the same thing and was struck by a car. That wasn’t the end of it. Despite the whole “car just struck her” thing, Sabina got up and attacked the officers -- it took six people to contain her. Ursula was raging too and probably would have done the same thing if, you know, her legs hadn’t been broken and stuff. Afterwards, Sabina calmed down and was behaving so normally that the cops released her the next day. This proved to be a huge mistake: Hours later, she
murdered a man who offered her a place to stay and then launched herself from a 40-foot
45 bridge. She survived, somehow, and was sentenced to five years in prison. Why only five years? Because lawyers had no trouble proving that she was crazy as all fuck when all of this happened. But, if Sabina was the crazy one, why did Ursula jump onto the highway, too? Neither of them had traces of drugs or alcohol in their bodies.
Twins can be freaky, but we all understand why they’re so disturbingly alike: Not only do they share the same DNA, but they also tend to grow up surrounded by the same people, playing with
the same toys, and doing the same activities. They were most likely traumatized by the same cartoons and disappointed by the same birthday presents. It’s when they don’t do any of those things and still turn out exactly the same that you should be freaked out. Take Ohio resident James Edward Lewis, who married a woman named Linda, but divorced her and married a woman named Betty, with whom he had a son named James Alan. Lewis had been adopted as a baby, and when he was in his late 30s, he
tracked down and met for the very first time his twin brother, James Arthur Springer ... who married a woman named Linda, but divorced her and married a woman named Betty, with whom he had a son named James Allan.
One Does the Crime, the Other Does the Time In 1993, police arrested Ronald Anderson for assaulting his estranged wife. The only problem was that Ronald Anderson had already been arrested for the same crime days earlier, and
records showed that he was currently serving his six-month sentence in prison. They checked. He was still there.
Before the time-travel division could be called to untangle the apparent paradox, though, a friend of the wife-puncher cleared everything up: Ronald had a twin named Donald who had a habit of going to jail for his brothers crimes. In total, Donald says he voluntarily served four sentences for Ronald, simply because he loved his brother and believed he wasn’t ready for prison life.
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Floats, Flies or rent itF&%#s...
underwhelmed by the finished product. He didn’t like the look of the back end and he didn’t think it would sell. He was wrong. Because when the E-type was unveiled at the Geneva Motor Show in March 1961 it was an instant hit.
Over the years there have been many pretty cars, but Enzo Ferrari described the E -Type as the prettiest of them all. And what makes that extraordinary is that it was shaped at night in a rudimentary early days wind tunnel, that used so much electricity that it could only be operated at night when the rest of the country was asleep. And everyone was still asleep when the car was tested, because the only place where they could run it up to its 149Mph top speed was at 5am in the morning on the M1. It was on one of those high speed runs they discovered that the roof would flap about, so to weigh it down a string of led shot was sewn into the canvas. And there was a similar make do and mend attitude taken to the rear suspension.
The chief engineer was given just a month to design an entirely new system. The boss Sir William Lyons, bet him a fiver he couldn’t do it. He did. Jaguar used exactly the same set up for the next 25 years. Lyons in fact was completely
Such was demand for test drives, that a second demonstrator was driven through the night to the factory in Coventry from Switzerland. Imagine what it must have been like in 1961. You’d been to the bakery, cued for a week for a loaf of bread, you where on your way home in black and white in the Humber and your were over taken by one of these. It must have been staggering. What was that?! But it wasn’t just the looks that astonished everyone back in 1961. Back then the equivalent Ferrari or Maserati was £6000 pounds, a little more in fact, while the E-type was £2098 pounds and this, thanks to its 3.8L straight 6 engine, was faster. Even by today’s standards, the E-type has got some poke. Small wonder the E-type became a must have accessory for the jet set. Princess Grace, Steve Mc Queen, Frank Sinatra, Roy Orbitson, Charlton Heston, Count Basie, they all had E-type Jags. No car before ever caused such a stir and no car has since really... until now. This is called the Eagle
49 Speedster. Made by a small engineering company in Sussex, looks like an E-type and is even based on an E-type, but there have been some changes. The aluminium body is deeper, the windscreen is lower and more steeply placed, the wheels are new and the tyres and the brakes and the interior. If someone had come to me asking for planning permission to alter an E-type Jaguar, I’d have said “No, don’t be stupid, you’ll mess it up”, but they haven’t. I think this, by a long way is the most beautiful car I’ve ever seen. It might actually be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
And the surgery is not just cosmetic. Under the bonnet, there is a fuel injected 4.7L straight 6 which sends its power to the rear wheels through a five speed gear box and an aluminium differential. As a result of all the aluminium, which doesn’t weigh very much, it has a better power to weight ratio that a Porsche 911 Turbo and as a result of that it can do 0-100Kms in 5 seconds. Flat out it will do 260 Kms. And then there’s the noise. It will spit fire. It’s a Spit fire, that’s what it is. The looks, the noise. It’s not far off perfection. There is however a problem... Because every single piece of this car is pretty much handmade, the price is fantastic, enormous, eye watering, I didn’t know numbers went that high, but it turns out that they do so sit down, I’m gona tell ya. The Eagle Speedster costs £500,000! Half a million.
That’s a lot for a toy car that doesn’t even have a roof. But this is more than a toy, it’s a modern take on the E-type Jag and the E-type with the possible exception of the Concorde is almost certainly the last truly great thing Britain made. I think the Brits should be more proud of it than they actually are. It’s 50th Birthday was marked by a small piece on page 16 of the Daily Telegraph so even though it a bit late – 3 years... we’ll pay some homage to the E-type on their behalf.
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