17 minute read
MUSIC
MUSIC Billie Eilish shows a surprisingly sunny side on SNL
Queen of doom pop sends her fans a message that there’s more to life than wallowing in one’s misery
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by Mike Usinger
With nothing to prove to anyone, Billie Eilish stepped well outside her comfort zone this weekend to show she’s exactly the pop star the world needs right now.
The 19-year-old made her second appearance on Saturday Night Live, this time not only as the musical guest but as the host. As she noted in her opening monologue, acting isn’t exactly her thing. That was made clear to Eilish in 2013, when her actress/screenwriter mother Maggie Baird wrote a semi-autobiographical film called Life Inside Out. Playing the role of Baird’s child was her real-life son Finneas O’Connell, who, of course, happens to be Eilish’s brother and main musical collaborator.
For whatever reason, Baird saw no need to let the world know she had a daughter.
Based on what we saw on SNL, she should have.
A decade from now—which is to say about the equivalent of about 10 days in Internet-time—Eilish’s hosting gig on SNL will be remembered as a triumphant reinvention.
That she was flat-out great from the moment she walked out on stage for her opening monologue was, no matter how big one’s fandom, something of a surprise. Hitting one’s lines isn’t always easy when you’re live on national television, as past hosts like Paris Hilton and Justin Bieber have shown in the most painfully uncomfortable of ways.
Being funny is even harder when your day job doesn’t consist of making folks laugh.
And God knows that Eilish’s public persona hasn’t exactly been built around endless mirth, merriment, and a sincere belief that it’s good to be alive. Do a Google image search and you’ll get endless shots that suggest funerals, rainy days, existential angst, and soul-sucking depression are just a few of the singer’s favourite things. Eilish doesn’t just look like someone ran over her dog, she looks like someone ran over her dog, threw the Hummer in reverse, and then ran over it again just to be sure.
But that public image has been a welcome departure from the way that pop stars—from Britney Spears to Katy Perry to Ariana Grande—have traditionally been packaged. Assuming you’re not the prom queen or captain of the football team, being a teenager isn’t easy. The genius of Eilish is that she looks like a freaks-and-geeks lunch-table lifer—someone born with black nail polish, a Nine Inch Nails hoodie, and an expression that says everything isn’t, in fact, going to be okay.
As she’s said at various times in interviews, she’s a hard-core believer that shit’s messed up (Rolling Stone), being hurt and scared is okay (Billboard), and depression is sometimes a way of life (Vogue). This has, of course, all manifested itself in the anti-pop darkwave songs she writes with Finneas— hits which have taken home a boatload of Grammys, shipped multi-platinum, and made her a post-Prozac Nation icon.
The great thing about SNL then? That would be Eilish making it clear that she’s got more to offer than 13 flavours of doom. Much, much more.
Her opening monologue made an against-type statement that sometimes it’s okay to be happy. Eilish strode out in a ruffled white dress that was Harajuku anime meets Mrs. Claus on New Year’s Eve, and then proceeded to happily riff on everything from her penchant for baggy clothes to the pressures of teen stardom.
If you were paying attention, keeping a straight face wasn’t always easy for her, the singer occasionally cracking herself up— even when recounting how her mom never saw fit to include her in Life Inside Out. Shining through it all—especially when her mother joined her onstage wearing a Finneas T-shirt—was love, gratitude, and genuine happiness.
A wise career move? Not exactly. But at this point in the never-ending fucking pandemic that messed with us all, worldbeating positivity is a little more welcome than wallowing in one’s own misery.
From there, Eilish gave every indication that, if the whole music thing doesn’t really work out, she might have a future on stage or in the movies. You know how SNL has often given outside-the-box hosts like Bieber, Hilton, Lance Armstrong, and, ug, Donald Trump, little more to do than stand around and grin while chipping in a line or two?
That wasn’t the case Saturday, where she was mostly front-and-centre—playing a middle-aged white woman giving Chris Redd booty-shaking hip-hop lessons for a holiday pageant, and unleashing her inner high-school psychopath in a Christmascard segment.
If one of the marks of a great actor is doing a lot without a lot of dialogue, Eilish passed that test in a digital short where a kind-hearted teen reaches out to an elderly—and batshit crazy—neighbour one building away.
On the music side of things, Eilish—accompanied by Finneas on guitar—started out quiet and introspective on “Happier Than Ever” and then shifted into fullblown catharsis. “Male Fantasy” then made a good case that there’s power in subtlety.
The greatest moment in the show came late, with Eilish and Kate McKinnon touting the endless pleasures of the fantastically depressing “Business Garden Hotel & Suites & Hotel Room Inn”. As they rattled off the perks of a place where “rooms provide every comfort required by law” (including tiny soap in plastic, band-aid coloured blankets, and a “short glass wearing a hat”) we got true, unscripted comedy gold.
Some of the greatest-ever Saturday Night Live bits have been ones where those on stage end up breaking character because they can’t stop laughing. Hello, David Spade and Christina Applegate losing it to Chris Farley’s triple-caffeinated motivational speaker Matt Foley in “Van Down by the River”.
Billie Eilish still does hopelessly sad better than anyone else filling stadiums and topping the charts. But SNL showed she’s more than capable of looking into the light.
Halfway through “Business Garden Hotel & Suites & Hotel Room Inn” McKinnon had Eilish laughing to the point where delivering her lines took a Herculean effort. And it was amazing. Over the course of four minutes, the post-millennial pop Princess of Darkness was having so much fun on Saturday Night Live that it sent a message: no matter how bleak things get, there’s hope for us all. Right now, the world couldn’t need that more. g
When Billie Eilish comes to visit, those who have just purchased a new sofa, chair, or loveseat tend to obsess over the fact that she clearly hasn’t been declawed. Photo by Carla di Felice.
SAVAGE LOVE FWBs don’t need to know about Internet videos
by Dan Savage
Dan advises a nonmonogamous couple with an OnlyFans account that they do not have to tell their FWBs about posting their anonymous sex videos and pictures. Photo by Getty Images. b MY WIFE AND I are in a great ENM marriage. We have two couples that we are friends with and get together regularly for sex, and we each pursue solo FWB relationships. During COVID, we started posting pictures on Reddit, which were well received. This morphed into my wife starting an OnlyFans account, because why not? So, at what point do we spill the beans to our FWBs? We don’t show our faces on OnlyFans, we use fake names, and we only post content made with people that know it’s going up on OnlyFans. Is this just “our secret” and doesn’t hurt anyone, so, who cares? Or do our FWBs have a right to know?
- Posting Intimate Content You’re under no obligation to tell your casual sex partners that you have an OnlyFans account where you share photos and videos you make with your other casual sex partners.
OnlyFans seems like something you should be able to share with your FWBs, but “you should be able to” ≠ “you are obliged to”.
b CIS-HET BLACK woman. I have been working on myself for a while and a side effect of that is now I have standards and I am unwilling to settle for mediocre partners. For me, a quality partner is a cis or trans man (a penis haver) who is an ally to equality movements (sex, gender, race, et cetera), emotionally healthy, kink-positive, and can afford their own life. Where does one find a person who meets these criteria? I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and FetLife, et cetera, with no luck.
- Never Gonna Settle
There is no settling down without some settling for. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who comes close enough to what you want—an employed penis-having person, for instance, who’s an ally to equality movements everywhere but isn’t exactly kink-positive but has an open mind and could get there. Or an emotionally healthy, kink-positive penis-having student who isn’t rolling in dough right now but has a realistic career plan.
And where do you find that guy? Well, you might get lucky and find him on one of the sites you’re already on—keep those profiles up and updated—or you might get lucky and meet him through friends, at work, in a bar, et cetera. Keep at it, NGS, because you never know when your bad luck is going to run out.
b I’M A 34-YEAR-OLD female and my husband (of only two years!) blindsided me by asking for a separation on my birthday in June and a divorce via text message a month later. We owned a home and ran a business together. Needless to say… this all sucks. I’ve had to start my entire life over again. I’ve settled into a new home with a new job and I’m trying to be a badass about the whole situation. But it’s been a lot. I’ve gone back and forth on when to start dating again. I feel mounting pressure to “get back out there” and I’m on the apps again but I bail about a week into every new flirtation. Why am I hesitating?
- Balking At Love, Knowing I’m Nervous, Gah! Hmm… my guess is you might be hesitating, BALKING, because your soon-to-beex-husband stomped on your heart and turned your life upside down less than six months ago. And you’re doing great: you got a new place to live, you got a new job, and you recently got back on the apps.
Maybe you’re not ready to start dating again right this minute, but getting back on the apps is a sign you will be soon. Lowering the temperature with the guys you’re connecting with online might help (be chatty, not flirty), as will keeping the stakes low on those first dates when you are ready (a quick coffee, not a dinner). You can do this!
b I RECENTLY READ this in your column: “PIV or PIT or PIB.” Okay, I know PIV (“penis in vagina”). But the other two? I’ve been reading you for years and I’m stumped on this!
- Creative Acronyms Totally Confound Him Hmm… you probably could’ve worked this one out on your own, CATCH, if you’d given it a moment’s thought. Besides vaginas (PIV), where else do penises go? PIT stands for “penis in throat” and PIB stands for “penis in butt”.
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Scan to confess
The Georgia Straight
Confessions, an outlet for submitting revelations about your private lives—or for the voyeurs among us who want to read what other people have disclosed.
Why me?
Lately, I’m so afraid to be happy. Every time I get happy and things go well, something bad always happens to me. It’s weird. I often ask myself, why me? Then a voice says “Nothing personal. Your name just happened to come up.”
The best times times with a lover…
I ever had were days spent locked up in a bedroom making love intercepted by takeout and funny videos/movies. Add a good dose of pillow talk. I dont care to hear about how that could be wrong anymore. I want that and him back… i could die happy back in those moments. Thank you
PPE
It’s exhausting wearing a mask. I wish I could be myself and vulnerable with more people. I want someone to hold space for all of me. Or to just hold me. Or reach out to me. I’m so deeply lonely it scares me sometimes, but I haven’t given up hope. Thankful for my counsellor.
Last Christmas
Was so awful, with my family, that I know that this Xmas, and every other going forward, can only be better. Even if I’m sitting alone in front of the TV with a TV dinner.
Turn off the radio
I accidentally talked to myself at work in front of some coworkers. They didn’t notice. Or did they? Now I feel silly. Note to self: turn the radio off.
Visit to post a Confession
from previous page
I could’ve gone with PIM (“penis in mouth”) and PIA (“penis in ass”), I guess, but why not go for the rhyme? (Oh, and ENM means “ethical nonmonogamy.”)
b I JUST DISCOVERED your column. I’ve been reading you for a month. Four weeks, four disgusting columns. I do not give a rat’s ass about the sex lives of strangers. If you do not reevaluate your content, I shall not continue to read.
- Disgusted If you just finished reading your letter, D, and you’re reading my response now, you’re gonna want to stop reading now.
Because you’re really not gonna like the next couple of letters.
b I AM A 24-year-old woman in a mostly happy marriage. My husband is not interested in oral sex. At all. Not giving it, not receiving it. In previous relationships, this was the way I most consistently achieved orgasm. I miss this type of intimacy so much I’m now curious about the legality of putting peanut butter on myself in hopes that my dog would come up to me on his own—unforced—and lick it off. I imagine this to be no different legally than a dog eating something out of your hand. I haven’t done it. But I am curious about your opinion. If you have other recommendations on how to get the specific sensation of oral sex when you don’t have a willing partner, I welcome your advice.
- Disgusting Obsession Grosses Girl Out You’re 24 years old and your sex life with your husband is so miserably unsatisfying that you’re seriously thinking about tricking your dog into eating you out, which is illegal in lots of places. (Since I don’t know where you live, DOGGO, you’ll have to google it yourself.) My advice: put down the peanut butter and back away from it. Then get a divorce, get a lover (a human one), or get yourself one of those new clit-sucking sex toys that—according to the reviews I’ve read by clit-having people—do a pretty amazing job of simulating the specific sensations of oral sex.
Hell, get all three!
b I HAVE A question about urethral sounding. My husband wanted me to do this to him for two years and I finally did. It was interesting! But I’m wondering what kind of harmful effects this could cause if we were to do it long-term.
Dan Savage answers a grab bag of readers letters this week, including one from a woman with an entirely new take on “service” dogs and another about the safety of long-term urethral probing.
- Making Enquiries About Taking Urethral Sounds
Urethral sounding—sliding a well-lubed stainless-steel rod into someone’s urethra— is an actual medical procedure with legit medical purposes (also easily googled!), but some people enjoy recreational sounding, both for how it feels (good, I’m told) and what it symbolizes (penetrating a penetrator’s penetrator).
So long as you’re using sterilized sounds and sterile lube, you and your husband should be able to safely enjoy sounding on the regular. Besides upping his risk for the occasional UTIs, there’s not much risk of harm—so long as you don’t force it, you stop if there’s pain or blood, and you have access to an autoclave.
b SOMEONE ASSIGNED MALE at birth, with male genitalia, but on estrogen to feminize their appearance and identifies as transagender. Curious how to identify their sexuality. They are only attracted to people who identify as women or femme-nonbinary. So how does someone without gender define their sexuality if they are only attracted to one gender identity?
Companion
- Narrow Attractions Complicate Multifaceted Identity
“It’s complicated.”
Also, I’m pretty sure lumping all “women or femme-nonbinary” people into a single “gender identity” is incorrect. (And would lead to a Title 9 complaint at Oberlin.) I mean, I’ve personally and biblically known gay men who identify as femmes and there are lots of femme-nonbinary people out there—AMAB, AFAB, ACAB—who would object to being lumped into a single category with mere women. It’s all so very, very complicated. Which is great, of course, because we can’t talk about climate change and the growing threat of authoritarianism all the time, right? g
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Follow Dan Savage on Twitter @FakeDanSavage. Email questions to: questions@savagelove.net. Find his columns, podcasts, books, merch, and more at www.savage.love.
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is looking for a Restaurant Manager Job location: 4091 Kingsway, Burnaby, BC, V5H 1Y9. Perm, F/T, Salary: $ 26.50 /h Min. requirements: high school, 2-3 years of exp. in the food service sector, good English Main duties: Manage day-to-day operations of the restaurant; Ensure health and safety regulations are followed; Develop policies and procedures; Manage staff, assign duties; Hire and train new employees; Prepare work schedules; Resolve problems and complaints; Control inventory and budget, negotiate prices with food suppliers. Company’s business address: 119-5700 Arcadia Rd, Richmond, BC V6X 2G9 Please apply by e-mail: employment@basilpastabar.com
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