Silent Grief: Life After Miscarriage

Miscarriages. A common yet taboo subject. Something which affects 1 in 4 pregnancies, and yet many women, and men, feel too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it. SILENT GRIEF: LIFE AFTER MISCARRIAGE life

BY JESLYN SAYERS

Ivividly remember hearing the doctor say, “There's no longer a heartbeat”. I could not look at my husband. I felt like I had let him down. "Is it something I did?" is the question that forever haunts me. It is not long after you receive this devastating news that you are given your options of how you would prefer to "expel" your baby. My three days at the hospital were complicated and utterly heartbreaking to be in the maternity ward surrounded by women with their gorgeous, healthy babies whilst we were waiting to lose ours. I can say however, that the midwives and all the staff at the Millicent Mackintosh Maternity Ward were nothing but kind, empathetic and helpful 24/7, and for that I am eternally grateful.

I think part of the reason people do not like talking about it is because no one ever says the right

thing. Many told me, "Better now than later on" and "You are still so young" or "At least you know you can get pregnant". I was never angry with those people. I knew they meant well and were just trying to console me. The reality was that nothing anyone said

I vividly remember the doctor say, “There's no longer a heartbeat”.

would bring back my baby and for that reason nobody could make me feel better. To a certain extent I felt like I had become a burden. Friends and even some family members did not understand the traumatic experience I had gone through. How it had affected my mental health. I was extremely emotional all the time. Anything would trigger me into breaking down into tears; seeing a woman pass by with her newborn baby, or seeing people announce their pregnancies and births on social media. I found myself resenting people, feeling jealous, and worst of all, feeling angry. It is hard to tell even those closest to you that you are feeling this way and for this reason a miscarriage can be a very lonely experience.

The biggest lie someone can tell you is that after a D&C (also known as ‘dilation and curettage’; a surgical procedure often performed after a first-trimester miscarriage) you will immediately get pregnant. Although that may be the case for a lucky few, it does not always happen this way. I thought that losing my baby was the only