RX FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Rx for A Healthy Relationship (Relax, It’s Not Complicated)

Maintaining healthy relationships is important not just for our mental and spiritual health, but also for our physical health.

WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON

Now that Valentine's Day has come and gone, we thought it'd be a good time to talk about relationships. Sure, you might be wondering why such valuable advice wasn't doled out prior to the "most romantic day of the year," and that's an entirely fair question. Well, guess what? The ol' editorial calendar can be as perplexing a game as love, so maybe just be happy with what you get when you get it. Get it?

The truth is it doesn't much matter what time of year it is. All of us — men and women — could stand to spend a bit more time thinking, contemplating and acting on the things that make our relationships thrive, all the while trying to dodge and weave the inevitable challenges that inevitably spring up… often with little notice (although, if you never see it coming, the odds of "it" being your fault are embarrassingly high).

Maintaining healthy relationships is important not just for our mental and spiritual health, but also for our physical health. If you're suffering in a bad relationship, you're quite literally suffering, and that suffering can manifest itself in a variety of ways: stress, unhealthy eating and drinking

12 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com habits, increased risk for serious health conditions like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and even heart disease. The relative health of your romantic relationship in many ways can be an insightful window into your overall health and well-being.

Now's probably a good time to clearly state that I am not a relationship expert, and this piece is in no way intended to replace a good hour or two on a therapist's couch. In fact, that bit about avoiding challenges… though it sounds right… couldn't be more wrong. Let's bring in the doc to help explain why.

Communication Above All Else "Mastering communication is huge. It's probably the single most important indicator of a healthy relationship," says Dr. Forrest Sauer, founder of Twin Oaks Health Solutions in Fargo. "If you're in the habit of avoiding conflict, burying your feelings and not addressing the problem as soon as it becomes apparent, you're relationship is going to suffer and never reach its full potential. It's hard to master communication because it requires so much vulnerability,

The benefits of strong communication are plentiful and mostly obvious, but Dr. Sauer highlighted one perk that could easily fly under the radar. He says when you're open and honest with your partner and willing to share what's on your mind, what's important to you and what support you may need, it frees you up to enjoy the rest of your life outside of your romantic relationship… specifically, your friendships that matter every bit as much to your overall well-being.

"If you get your relationship with your significant other to a point where you understand each other's need for personal space when needed," Dr. Sauer say "if that communication is strong enough, then you're going to have the time and be able to nurture your friendships outside of your romantic relationship. Most of us are social creatures to a certain extent, and it's in our best interest to take care of all of our personal relationships."

Just Pay Attention I was reminded of the classic "Simpsons" character Troy McLure and his motivational films, such as "Get Confident, Stupid!" and "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly," when Dr. Sauer casually mentioned the most basic first step anyone can take to develop a healthy relationship… and that is simply to pay attention (stupid).

This particular piece of advice hit close to home with me, as it perfectly sums up my approach to parenting, another type of relationship that requires a lot of nurturing. In both instances, paying attention is really the only way you'll ever learn how your partner (or friend, coworker, child, etc.) prefers to communicate. That's not to say you have to adopt your partner's communication style; it just means pay attention to the cues they give so you can respond at the appropriate time with the appropriate message and appropriate tone.

"Case in point," Dr. Sauer begins. "A couple of weeks ago, I had been working a lot, didn't have a whole lot of time to relax and even less time to myself. Because my wife and I work hard on maintaining open communication and we've learned how best to speak to each other, it was easy for me to just ask her if she'd be willing to take the kids on her errands so I could have an hour or two of downtime to re-energize. She was more than willing to accommodate me, as she trusts that when she needs that time I'll be happy to reciprocate."

So, to recap: pay attention, don't be afraid to confront the challenges and let yourself be vulnerable enough to say what needs to be said and ask for what you need. You've got a year until next Valentine's. Good luck. •