YOUR SAYING IT BAD

WRITTEN BY: MEGHAN FEIR

Ahhhh, the mighty eggcorn. You may have never heard this word spoken, but its meaning is relevant to every human tongue.

Eggcorns are frauds—misconstrued words created from a misunderstanding or mishearing of the actual thing. People have butchered some terms and expressions for so long that it’s actually more common to say them incorrectly.

Before you feel judgment as you read the following list of the commonly misspoken, please know that I have my own issues. This is written by a girl who perpetually, by accident utters, “hit the nail on the hammer,” instead of “hit the nail on the head.”

Are you guilty of the following speech crimes? It’s never too late to retrain your brain and trade in your eggcorns for the real steal.

Nip it in the butt

Abused expressions:

WRONG: For all intensive purposes RIGHT: For all intents and purposes

Thine ears are full of trickery and doth deceive you. This eggcorn takes the cape. This phrase was originally taken from “to all intents, constructions and purposes” from sixteenth century English law. It essentially means “virtually” or “in every practical sense.”

WRONG: Nip it in the butt RIGHT: Nip it in the bud

You’re nipping what in a butt? Nipping something “in the bud” doesn’t sound any more reassuring. This phrase was first recorded in the 1600s, and to “nip something in the bud” means to kill or destroy in the first stage of growth.

WRONG: Case and point RIGHT: Case in point I’ve said this incorrectly for 30 years. I am 30 years old. This phrase isn’t that dramatic of an error, but the next time you need to emphasize that what you said is true, try to remember your case is “in” the point you just made.

WRONG: One in the same RIGHT: One and the same

Throw everything you just learned about switching “and” with “in” and toss it in the paper shredder of your mind because it’s the opposite with “one and the same.” “Case in point” and “one and the same” are not one and the same.

WRONG: I could care less RIGHT: I couldn't care less

When someone says, “I could care less,” you know they actually do care. How can you tell? Because they’re literally saying they care and have the capacity to care less than they do. If you really don’t give a rat’s clap about something, remember to say “couldn’t.”

I could care less

WRONG: Taken for granite RIGHT: Taken for granted Don’t give me a stone-cold glance when I tell you, but you’re not being taken for “granite.” Unless someone is mistaking you for a granite statue (are you really that chiseled?) or kidnapping you to be used as a kitchen counter, they’re not taking you “for granite.”

Abused words and terms:

WRONG: Irregardless RIGHT: Regardless

Ahhh, “irregardless.” My favorite aggravation is when arrogant CEOs say this during meetings right after they’ve brushed you off with an aggressive hand wave. They may wear the pants of the company, but that doesn’t mean they passed English class.

WRONG: Warshing RIGHT: Washing

One of my darling grandmas says this. It’s common in the American Midland dialect. One theory for how this mispronunciation started dates back to a protestant group called the Scots-Irish. They kept moving around for religious freedom and eventually sailed from Ireland to America in the 1700s for the same reason. They really did a number on Warshington when they got here.

WRONG: Expecially RIGHT: Especially

Since when did “es” make an X sound in modern English? SINCE NEVER.

WRONG: Expresso RIGHT: Espresso

Once again, people getting an “es” mixed up with an X. I don’t know which came first, the mispronunciation of the word or the stupid, punny phrase of “Expresso yourself” printed on coffee mugs and homely nightgowns for women. KIND OF WRONG, YET NOT: Escape goat RIGHT: Scapegoat

You know all those animal sacrifices made by various religions throughout time to atone for sins and pay honor to God or the gods? That’s where the phrase “scapegoat” came from. It’s hard to say “escape goat” is incorrect because “scapegoat” is honestly just a shortening of “escape goat.” So whatever. The goat doesn’t get to escape either way. It dies.

WRONG: Card shark RIGHT: Card sharp

The evolution of this term is exactly like a game of Telephone. It started out in England as “card sharp” because of “sharpers,” a term used for cheats, swindlers and rogues. But we hear what we hear and “card sharp” became “card shark.”

WRONG: Supposably RIGHT: Supposedly

I know Ds and Bs look similar, but please take care of your letters and show respect. Don’t call me a D for telling it like it is.