REMEMBER WHEN

There are days you wake up and have no motivation to workout. But what happens when the lack of motivation creeps into marriage, and you begin struggling to want to work through marital challenges—it’s time to sound the alarm.

Is it unusual to get to a place in your marriage where you want to give up? Recently, I asked this question to a couple who had been married 40 years.

They looked at me and said “Are you kidding me? Yes!” Then, they shared some dark moments in their marriage. They admitted there were times when they just weren’t sure. But, they also said, “We’re glad we stuck in there because we wouldn’t trade these 40 years for anything.”

How did they stay motivated? The couple told me their secret: “You just have to remember.” Remember what exactly?

Remember your why.

Why’d you get married in the first place? People marry for several different reasons: love, kids, a passion for another or to have companionship. Your why doesn’t have to match anyone else’s why. The never-ending nature of your why can help you outlast the temporary challenges you face in marriage.

Remember your story.

Pictures. Videos. Experiences. Memories mean little without the story attached to them. You look at them to remember the story. It connects you with the positive energy captured during the moment that’s worth remembering. Let that energy motivate you to keep going. Your story can help you remember what you’ve built together.

Remember to never stop connecting. Keep searching for better ways to communicate, be playful, and spend quality time with one another. Regardless of how challenging marriage gets, to stop communicating is never the answer. Connecting in hard conversations, through disappointments, and in the midst of hurt is better than not communicating at all.

Remember you’re not alone.

Many couples, if not most couples, have gone through difficult moments where they felt like giving up was really the best option on the table. So, when you find yourself hurting and questioning if it’s worth it to hang on, reach out to other couples who have walked the road before you and made it to the other side in one piece.

When you remember these things, you’ll realize no matter how big the problems may seem, your commitment to each other is bigger.

Q. My labrador-mix, Seeker, has always been a big guy. Lately he’s turned into a very round dog. If I don’t feed him throughout the day, he sits beside his bowl and howls—making it impossible for me to work at my desk. What can I do to calm him down and help him lose weight?

A: It’s hard to lose extra pounds, and Seeker is complaining about it! One way to mitigate howling is to implement a divert-and-reward system to take his mind off his empty bowl. In essence, keep Seeker away from the kitchen and as busy as your schedule allows. Right after breakfast, close off the kitchen. Use a baby gate or shut the door, and hide the food bowl out of sight. Take Seeker for a short walk to burn off energy and calories. While working, keep Seeker separated from the kitchen and give him plenty of chew toys. Spend time with him on each break from work and be sure to take him on a long walk each day before dinner.