Frederick Gunn School Voices

We caught up with Adrienne McManus P’21 ’23 in mid-March, to inquire about her family’s experience at Gunn. Adrienne is an active volunteer with the Parents Council and the Director of Children’s Ministry at Grace Community Church at Grace Farms in New Canaan, Connecticut. She and her husband, Trustee Paul M. McManus, Jr. ’87 P’21 ’23, have two daughters, Ellie ’21 and Grace ’23, and a Havanese named Charlie.

Q: Why did you choose The Frederick Gunn School?

A: Through Paul’s connection to the school, we’d actually go up to Gunn when the girls were little. We’d pile into the car and drive up for the day. We’d have a picnic and cheer the Highlanders on at a sporting event, and sometimes even go for a hike at Steep Rock. At the time, though, we didn’t imagine that our girls would actually end up there someday. When Ellie was in middle school, she asked if she could start exploring the idea of going to boarding school. She did the research and decided she wanted to stay close to home. This led to us looking at Gunn in a different light, as a place where she might end up.

Q: What was it that attracted you here?

A: There were several things we appreciated. We loved Gunn’s location. It was close enough to home at only a little over an hour away from us. This accessibility was comforting being that, other than sleepaway camp, Ellie would possibly be living away from us for the first time. Additionally, the area is beautiful with fantastic restaurants and lovely places to stay. We realized that when we or her grandparents would come to visit there would be fun destinations within the Litchfield County area that we could all enjoy together.

The size of Gunn was appealing to us, as well. As the community is a smaller one, we recognized that the teachers would have the bandwidth to give our daughters extra attention, encourage them, and stretch them. They could challenge them and even call them out when needed. The other benefit of this small size and even more important to us, was that our girls would have so many caring eyes on them. Advisors, teachers, coaches, dorm parents, and members of the administration would interact and cross paths with our girls all day. All of these people were invested in our girls and shared what they were observing about our girls with each other. Ellie and Grace never felt like they were being smothered by any one person because there were many different people touching base with them. It wasn’t just mom and dad saying, “Are you, OK?” “What are you doing?” “Where’re you going?” During this time in their lives, when it’s extremely healthy that they are expressing their desire for independence by separating from us, they were still getting the guidance and attention that they truly needed. Gunn managed this “parenting” with such genuine, balanced care.

And lastly, Gunn just felt like a fit. It was so warm and normal. When we’d visit it didn’t feel like any of the students or the staff were being performative in any way. They were simply themselves. We saw goofiness and silliness, and seriousness, and all sorts of regular teen behavior. This was enormously comforting to witness because I felt like nobody was trying to give me answers they thought I was looking for. It was, “This is who we are, and we want you to know who we are, because that’s the best way you’re going to know if you’re a true fit for this school and for this community.” It felt like a real family. It felt like a home.

Q: What was your experience like once Ellie and Grace were on campus?

A: Between academics, extracurriculars, and clubs they both had very full schedules. The schedules were beneficial in that they learned responsibility and time management. They were, however, given freedom, as well. If they wanted to explore some other activity or idea, the school made sure to support them. Faculty would rally around them and give them the tools and the guidance to test it out.

Our girls never felt like they were stereotyped or put in a mold where, once they’d been cast as “this type” of person, they had to remain that way. They were encouraged to grow and express who they were, and if they changed from what they presented in the very beginning, it would be received with open hearts. This mindset at Gunn was meaningful as all of these young people are testing out who they are and trying on a lot of different hats. We loved that our daughters felt comfortable being who they are and that they saw most of their peers sharing that same feeling.

Q: How have Ellie and Grace grown in their time at The Frederick Gunn School?

A: They both seem to feel so comfortable being true to themselves. They also seem to recognize the value in keeping their hearts and minds open to knowing a wide spectrum of people. Ellie and Grace have appeared to have learned that they will only be able to grow into their best selves if they invest the time into knowing all sorts of different types. They seem to recognize that in closing themselves off from all the wonderful people the world has to offer that they will in turn close themselves off from giving out their best in this world. I’m deeply grateful to Gunn for helping them understand this.

They’ve both grown in maturity, in patience, and in empathy. Ellie said: “Gunn helped me understand that I need to take into consideration what I know about somebody, but I must also consider what I might not know. Always leave room for saying to myself, ‘OK, I know this about this person, but where is it coming from? What else is happening in their lives? Let me show some grace to this person because there might be a whole backstory that I’m unaware of.’” Gunn, absolutely, laid the foundation for this wonderful approach to people.

Finally, Ellie and Grace have both developed such confidence to explore what their contributions can be as leaders and as part of a team. They both feel confident to attempt practically anything. Their thought process is, “I’m going to try it. I might fail. I might receive rejection, but the trade-off is always worth it.” That is definitely an attitude that Gunn has encouraged and supported since Day One.

Q: What are your hopes and dreams for Ellie and Grace?

A: We would love for them to recognize the need to continue their own spiritual, psychological, emotional, social, intellectual, and physical growth. I hope that they live a balanced life and pursue things that make them feel fulfilled and living true to themselves. I hope they develop rich relationships with a wide variety of people from different walks of life, and that they continue to nurture the relationships that they formed here at Gunn. I would hope that they’d feel a sense of duty when faced with ethical dilemmas, and exercise a willingness to choose the moral decision as they become adults. I hope they continue to ask for and offer help. I know they feel very comfortable asking for help here and I want them to continue to advocate for themselves and for others and be a support system.

Q: What advice do you have for new or prospective families?

A: In order for your child and for you as parents to get the absolute most out of your Gunn experience, treat it as a relationship. The Gunn community sincerely wants to know your child and you as a family. Venture into this experience in hopes that this is the beginning of a wonderful, lifelong relationship with limitless possibilities and opportunities. Be communicative and transparent. No topic of concern is off the table for the administration, staff, and teachers at Gunn. They are a wonderfully receptive bunch. They want to know the nuances of what might be happening in your child’s life. They are loving and compassionate, and your child and you as parents are important to them. Embrace the bumps in the road that your child might have. Most of the bumps your child is feeling might be new for them, and they are away from you, but probably most of their peers have felt the same way. They are in good company. Additionally, they are being supported by their advisor, dorm parents, teachers, coaches, and their peers.

Get involved! Participating and volunteering as a parent allows you to fully appreciate what a rich experience your child is getting, and all of the moving parts that are involved in supporting their experience. You can be involved even from afar. It is a wonderful way to meet other parents and peripherally get to be part of your teen’s life. Take advantage of the parent network even before your child has started. Gunn parents have such generous hearts and have been there and seen that. They are loving and supportive. Enrolling your child in any school is a big deal. We all love our children and desire what is best for them. The entire Gunn community does, too.