Gloucester Uni FC on Tour June 2011
Newquay
Itinerary Rendezvous @ Main Reception of Hardwick Building for Friday 13th March -11am. (let’s get the superstitions going) Leaving promptly @11.30am. Do not be Fu*king Late!! Avoid Kangaroo court if you can! Depart hollyhead - 3pm. Arrival time 6pm! We mugs are staying at the Shitehole. Room allocation will be given on seperate paper. Sefton Hotel Harris Promenade Douglas Isle of Man IM1 2RW
Welcome Note from Wilder Ladies, you’re here because you think you’re holiday in Newquay Let me tell you now, this ain’t no FUCKIN’ holiday. As far as I’m concerned, you’re pieces of fucking shit scum. You fuckin’ maggots are here to train to be the best. You’re going to be the best because I’m going to make you the motherfucking best. I will be hard on you, you will hate me. The more you hate me, the more you will learn. But until you learn, you’re nothing but faggody-ass pussies, cryin’ for your mama at night, and dry humpin’ your pillows. You will go home as big, motherfockin’ machines of war, eating rocks and shittin’ diamonds. You will go home as MARINES.
Gloucester FC Rules
Gloucester Booklet Caveat #1 -
The first rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you do not talk about Southwell Rugby Club.
#2 -
The second rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you DO NOT talk about Southwell Rugby Club.
#3 -
If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, you’ve reached your limit and you are pretty much legless! In other words, you’re useless pussy!
#4 -
Everyone drinks, no quits
You will also go before the Court Martial Committee who decide your punishment - you’ll be in a whole world of shit.
#5 -
One pint at a time unless you’re in a sand hazard.
#6 -
No women and no women.
Tourist Status can only be re-instated by an act of self-less bravery on the battlefield, or the Judge deems you have been punished enough at the next Kangeroo Court
#7 -
Drinking will go on as long as they have to.
#8 -
If this is your first tour with Southwell Rugby Club, you have to prove yourself!
Once assigned to you, all responsibilty for the location and condition of this book is transferred to you for the duration of the tour. You pukes should sleep with your book. You should give your book a girl’s name because this is the only pussy you are going to touch. You’re married to this book and you will be faithful. If ‘misplaced’, it’s location cannot be ascertained, or you are unable to produce it at any given moment - you will lose tourist status and revert to Civilian Status.
Tourists of Cornwall Van wilder
Biffa
Ben Dover
Deadly Calibre, Will twinkle toe you if you get close. Will toe poke hundreds of goals but dog shit in the air!! Chopper Harris of Gloucester. If you pass him, you can be sure he’ll try to break your legs later He’ll take you from behind if you get too close. Loves getting stuck in when possible!
7 up
Trigger
Tits McGee
Bedded 7 women in one week. The sheer number of goals make up for his appalling pace! A pretty boy!! Deadly Calibre, Will twinkle toe you if you get close. Will toe poke hundreds of goals but dog shit in the air!! Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here
Tourists of Cornwall
Big Dave
Porkchop
SparkY
Can’t play for shit but he’ll manage you big time off the pitch. Ask him for tips on how to drink! Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here
Van wilder
Biffa
Ben Dover
Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here
7 up
Trigger
Tits McGee
Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here
Big Dave
Porkchop
SparkY
Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here. Your comments here
Challenging the General 1) The General must be the first on the battlefield, last off. 2) The general must drink hard and fast with all his might and all the strength that God can give him. 3) The General can (once per day, at any time) buy an improptu round of choice using the kitty
Challenging the General The passing out of a General while on the front line is tantamount to dereliction of dutyand is subject to punishment as laid out by the Court-Martial committee. Privates can challenge the General for his position at any time during manoeuvres and if successful, can succeed him immediately. A coup D’etat is viewed as treason and thus failure to oust the General will be subject to severe reprimand as laid out by the Court-Martial Committee
4) The General may exempt himself from drinking one round per night 5) The General does not get the drinks in 6) The General can bring in one new rule at the beginning of any drink session, effective immediately, and that will last as long as his tenure.
In the event of the General being Challenged, the accuser has to: 1) Name the terms and conditions 2) Be Supported/backed up by 2 poeple In the event of a ‘false’ challenge, the punishment will be deemed by the group accordingly. The platoon is only limited to one challenge a day
Drinking Games
Dinking Game Rules
Drinks are restricted to beer, straight shots or two- part cocktails.
Privates on Parade
Drinking commences at 3pm on Match days ( 12pm for 3pm games, and 6pm on nonmatch days) Punishments are decided by the weights and measures Committee.
At any time during excercises, the general can call for ‘Privates on Parades’ to inspect his troops. Each member is ecpected to assemble in front of the General and produce their Red Book and their must-haves.
1) Yellow peril - if you get a yellow golf ball in any vessel you are holding, you must down the contents (3 mins max) 2) Drink with the clock - depending which half of the clock the minute hand is in, you must drink with the corresponding hand. 01 to 30 mins - right, 31 to 00 mins - left. (General to pick which half of the hour) 3) Thumbmaster - last person to see the thumb on the table must down the drink 4) Pub Gofl (rules overleaf) 5) Low Card - the person with the lowest card must down their drink 6) Privates on Parade - Assemble in front of the General and show your must-haves
Failure and/or last person to do so will incur a punishment as decided by the weight and Measures committee, with input from the General. Pub Golf This is an excercise to be undertaken by you all. We will play a nine hole golf course. Each ‘hole’ will be a beverage as agreed beforehand. A couple of holes will have a designated hazard - either a water hazard or sand hazard. Water hazard - you cannot go to the toilet for the duration we’re in the pub playing that hole. Sand Hazard - you must drink a shot of your choice in addition to the drink you already have at that hole. The number of times it takes for you to finish your drink is your score for the hole. Scorecard provided.
Must Haves
Kangaroo Court
Tourists of Newquay are expected to bring along your ‘Must-haves’ that will identify their participation on the Tour. You were told beforehand to bring these items. There’s no excuse. These items are as follows:
2) Video/photographic evidenceis admissible
Gloucester Uni FC on Tour June
1) Judges’s decision is final
2011
3) Prior misdemeanours will be taken into account 4) Guilty Pleas will carry a reduced sentence in comparison than a Not guilty plea if you are found guilty
NewqUay
5) Sentence are efective immediately, or when Judge decides
2010 pound coin
Booklet
Clothes Peg
6) Sentences are at the Judge’s Discretion
Padlock
Failure to produce any of the above items when the General calls for ‘privates on Parade’ will incur a penalty where you must drink 25% of your drink for each item not shown.
Judge Weights & measures Committee Court -martial Committee These will be “drawn out a hat” daily
Must Learn Songs Poor scouser Harry This is a story of a poor boy, (poor boy, poor boy) Who was sent far away from his home (from his home) To fight for his king and his country And also the old folks back home Now they put him in the cross channel ferry(ferry, ferry) And Sent him off to a far Ben Dover foreign land (far foreign land) Where the flies swarm around in their thousands
And there’s nothing to see but the sand Well the battle started next morning (morning, morning) Under the hot desert sun (hot desert sun) I remember the poor Scouser harry He was shot by an old tommy gun As he lay on the battle field dying (dying dying) With blood gushing out of Titshead McGee his (out of his head) I remember the poor scouser Harry
And These were the last words he said... Ohhhhhh... What did he say “st Pauls college, football team, football team. We’re all over, We’re never sober. ST PAULS FOOTBALL TEAM, FOOTBALL TEAM” Blues
Laaaa la la bluuuuues. La la la la la la bluuuees, la la la la la la bluuues. LAAAAAA SparkY la la BLUUUUUES
Must Learn Songs So hoist up the john b sail
We come on the sloop john B. My grandfather and me Around nassau town we did roam Drinking all night Got into a fight Well I feel so broke up I want to go home So hoist up the john bs sail Benhow Dover See the mainsail sets Call for the captain ashore Let me go home, let me go
home I wanna go home, yeah yeah Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home The first mate he got drunk And broke in the capns trunk The constable had to come and take him away Sheriff john stone Why don’t you leave me alone, yeah yeah TitsI McGee Well feel so broke up I wanna go home
So hoist up the john bs sail See how the mainsail sets Call for the captain ashore Let me go home, let me go home I wanna go home, let me go home Why don’t you let me go home (hoist up the john bs sail) Hoist up the john b I feel so broke up I wanna go home SparkY Let me go home
We understand you will want to have as much enjoyment as possible but...
Please Drink Responsibly
thehang va com .
thehangova 2011