Southwell RFC on Tour June 2011
Douglas
Southwell RFC Rules
Booklet Caveat Once assigned to you, all responsibilty for the location and condition of this book is transferred to you for the duration of the tour.
#1 -
The first rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you do not talk about Southwell Rugby Club.
#2 -
The second rule of Southwell Rugby Club is, you DO NOT talk about Southwell Rugby Club.
#3 -
If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, you’ve reached your limit and you are pretty much legless! In other words, you’re useless pussy!
#4 -
Everyone drinks, no quits
You will also go before the Court Martial Committee who decide your punishment - you’ll be in a whole world of shit.
#5 -
One pint at a time unless you’re in a sand hazard.
#6 -
No women and no women.
Tourist Status can only be re-instated by an act of self-less bravery on the battlefield, or the Judge deems you have been punished enough at the next Kangeroo Court
#7 -
Drinking will go on as long as they have to.
#8 -
If this is your first tour with Southwell Rugby Club, you have to prove yourself!
You pukes should sleep with your book. You should give your book a girl’s name because this is the only pussy you are going to touch. You’re married to this book and you will be faithful. If ‘misplaced’, it’s location cannot be ascertained, or you are unable to produce it at any given moment - you will lose tourist status and revert to Civilian Status.
Tourists of Douglas
Tourists of Douglas
For dummies - Douglas is the capital city of Isle of man
For dummies - Douglas is the capital city of Isle of man
Bryan Moore Aka Van Wilder
Ian Moore Aka Fab Ian
Richard Doc Aka Big Lips
Greg Beedie Aka Fat Bastard
Jimmy Lad Aka Gigilo
Harry Doc Aka ‘ard ‘arry
Eoghan Fee Aka Dumbo
Gareth Doc Aka Tranny
Joe Watson Aka Messi
Davey Doc Aka Wagner
Position 1st team Manager
Position Assistant Manager
Position Kit Manager
Position Loosehead Prop
Position Hooker
Position Tighthead Prop
Position Lock
Position Lock
Position Blindside Flanker
Position Number 8
The most sought after manager since Woodwood.
Makes Wilder look good at all times. Also the tea boy/ Water boy!
Left Irish squad behind to fulfil his dream dressing the lads up.
He’s so fat, our He’s your proper scrum never budges male slut. How appropriate his Yes, You’re fat! position name is Very Fat, you fat synonymous with B*@tard! his current affairs
There’s nothing derogatory to say about him. He’s simply a hard bastard. Period!
With all due respect, a mighty lock. Would be even more so if the ears didn’t slow him down!
Spends too much time oogling the opposition and loves getting a ride up the bum in throw ins
He sings as well He’s so fat, our scrum never budges as he looks. Yes that’s he’s real Yes, You’re fat! hair. No shit. Very Fat, you fat Honestly! Bastard!
You suck Clive
Tourists of Douglas
Tourists of Douglas
For dummies - Douglas is the capital city of Isle of man
For dummies - Douglas is the capital city of Isle of man
Oliver Monksfield Aka Big Daddy
Jack Harding Aka Roadrunner
Nick Gregory Aka Little Focker
Aaron Miller Aka Tiger Woods
Darren Dunne Aka pretty boy
Daniel Hogan Aka Donkey
Jacob Willis Aka Linford C
Bassim Baz Aka Mr T
Alistair Dazliel Aka Fat Bastard
Nico Lehr Aka Ze German
Position Openside Flanker
Position Tighthead Prop
Position Fly Half
Position Inside Centre
Position Outside Centre
Position Left Wing
Position Right Wing
Position Full Back
Position Another sub
Position Bench Warmer
There’s nothing derogatory to say about him. He’s simply a hard bastard. Period!
The faster he runs, the smaller he gets. Watch out, he thinks he’s Bruce ‘I’m ‘ard’ Lee
The smallest focker in our squad but the most lethal drinker of us all
Never mind what he can do on the pitch. He can do hole in ones in whatever pub he’s in
Renowned for his charm on and off the pitch. Bedded 7 women in a week. Yes 1 a day!!
Pound for pound the lightest Left winger you’ll see. But also the quickest. Not to be underestimated.
Not only is he fast but he has a massive tackle on him. Understudy tp 7 up
Not worth mentioning about. He’s as usual on the pitch as he is off it.
Refer to Mr T’s Profile.
His position says it all.
The Tour Prayer (To be recited at the Inauguration Ceremony of each General) This is my beer. There are many like it but this one is mine. My Beer is my best friend, It is my life I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my beer is useless. Without my beer I am useless. Before Southwell RFC I swear this creed; my beer and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviours of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen
Welcome Note from Wilder Ladies, you’re here because you think you’re holiday in Douglas. Let me tell you now, this ain’t no FOCKIN’ holiday. As far as I’m concerned, you’re pieces of focking sh*t scum. You fockin’ maggots are here to train to be the best. You’re going to be the best because I’m going to make you the motherfocking best. I will be hard on you, you will hate me. The more you hate me, the more you will learn. But until you learn, you’re nothing but faggody-ass pussies, cryin’ for your mama at night, and dry humpin’ your pillows. You will go home as big, motherfockin’ machines of war, eating rocks and sh*ttin’ diamonds. You will go home as MARINES. Now, drop and give me 20 or i’ll fock your mama so hard she’ll wish you were never born.
The General’s Rules 1) The General must be the first on the battlefield, last off. 2) The general must drink hard and fast with all his might and all the strength that God can give him. 3) The General can (once per day, at any time) buy an improptu round of choice using the kitty
Challenging the GeneraL The passing out of a General while on the front line is tantamount to dereliction of dutyand is subject to punishment as laid out by the Court-Martial committee. Privates can challenge the General for his position at any time during manoeuvres and if successful, can succeed him immediately. A coup D’etat is viewed as treason and thus failure to oust the General will be subject to severe reprimand as laid out by the Court-Martial Committee
4) The General may exempt himself from drinking one round per night 5) The General does not get the drinks in 6) The General can bring in one new rule at the beginning of any drink session, effective immediately, and that will last as long as his tenure.
In the event of the General being Challenged, the accuser has to: 1) Name the terms and conditions 2) Be Supported/backed up by 2 poeple In the event of a ‘false’ challenge, the punishment will be deemed by the group accordingly. The platoon is only limited to one challenge a day
Drinking Games
Drinking Games Rules
Drinks are restricted to beer, straight shots or two- part cocktails.
Privates on Parade
Drinking commences at 3pm on Match days ( 12pm for 3pm games, and 6pm on nonmatch days) Punishments are decided by the weights and measures Committee.
At any time during excercises, the general can call for ‘Privates on Parades’ to inspect his troops. Each member is ecpected to assemble in front of the General and produce their Red Book and their must-haves.
1) Yellow peril - if you get a yellow golf ball in any vessel you are holding, you must down the contents (3 mins max) 2) Drink with the clock - depending which half of the clock the minute hand is in, you must drink with the corresponding hand. 01 to 30 mins - right, 31 to 00 mins - left. (General to pick which half of the hour) 3) Thumbmaster - last person to see the thumb on the table must down the drink 4) Pub Gofl (rules overleaf) 5) Low Card - the person with the lowest card must down their drink 6) Privates on Parade - Assemble in front of the General and show your must-haves
Failure and/or last person to do so will incur a punishment as decided by the weight and Measures committee, with input from the General. Pub Golf This is an excercise to be undertaken by you all. We will play a nine hole golf course. Each ‘hole’ will be a beverage as agreed beforehand. A couple of holes will have a designated hazard - either a water hazard or sand hazard. Water hazard - you cannot go to the toilet for the duration we’re in the pub playing that hole. Sand Hazard - you must drink a shot of your choice in addition to the drink you already have at that hole. The number of times it takes for you to finish your drink is your score for the hole. Scorecard provided.
Must Haves Tourists of Douglas are expected to bring along your ‘Must-haves’ that will identify their participation on the Tour. You were told beforehand to bring these items. There’s no excuse. These items are as follows: RFC Southwell on Tour June
2011
Douglas
2010 Booklet pound coin Padlock MAtch Box Car Failure to produce any of the above items when the General calls for ‘privates on Parade’ will incur a penalty where you must drink 25% of your drink for each item not shown.
Kangaroo Court 1) Judges’s decision is final 2) Video/photographic evidenceis admissible 3) Prior misdemeanours will be taken into account 4) Guilty Pleas will carry a reduced sentence in comparison than a Not guilty plea if you are found guilty 5) Sentence are efective immediately, or when Judge decides 6) Sentences are at the Judge’s Discretion Judge Weights & measures Committee Court -martial Committee These will be “drawn out a hat” daily
We understand you will want to have as much enjoyment as possible but...
Please Drink Responsibly
“what goes on tour stays on tour....�
thehang va com .
thehangova 2011