Professors react to midterms

By | Cig Freed

Midterm season occurs from the end of September throughout the month of October, interrupting students’ regular studying habits and creating a permanent stench of body odor, unbrushed teeth, and exposed feet in the Mossey Library.

We asked professors from different departments to share how they prepare their exams and what they thought of their students’ work.

Hillsdale’s language departments give both oral and written exams. Associate Professor of Spanish May Yamo described her students’ success at answering questions in a foreign language.

“I truly think my Spanish 201 students are just about ready to study abroad,” Yamo said.

Also hoping to provide his students with practical experience for the real world, Associate Professor of Theater Kristoff Mattress was encouraged by the dramatic excellence displayed by his students.

“I thought the perfect way to prepare my young thespians for Broadway was to have them show me how to enter a room,” Mattress exclaimed. “It was exhilarating. They exhibited attitude, humility, and confidence.” of the new system say it’s exactly what we did last year. Only time will tell if it will pay dividends.

Other professors were not as impressed with their stu - dents’ performance. Teaching “The History of Spaghetti,” Associate Professor of History Amalfi Vaticano described her disappointment with her student’s lack of knowledge, especially after providing an extensive study guide.

“I gave them an 82-page document with 350 questions,” Vaticano explained. “Every question that would be on the exam was in that pdf. My exams are not hard, they’re all multiple choice, A-Z. If I gave you the questions ahead of time, there are no excuses.”

Among the professors with high expectations, English Department Chair Grigori Rasputin said his students’ work was thoughtful, but not worth publication.

“Average college-level work gets a ‘C,’” Rasputin said. “None of my students were able to identify the connection between Beowulf and the prophecies of Hezekiah, so I was disappointed.” saying, “Florida man arrested for throwing alligator through drive-thru window.”

In his 400-level class on identity politics, Associate Professor of Politics Packer Gunn was satisfied with the nuanced view demonstrated in the midterm’s 200-word essay.

“My students identified identity politics as a fascist ideology, so I would say this class has been a success so far,” Gunn said while sipping his shot of espresso.

“We are so sorry,” editor-in-chief Mags Hraeiouch- lose race.’ Again, so sorry.”

The paper had originally planned to cover Donald Trump’s campaign announcement, but after some consideration, the editorial team decided to refrain.

“‘Old man past his prime thinks he knows what’s best, constantly reminisces about his 15 minutes of fame,’” associate editor Sportys McSports said. “It got cut in edits by accident. We just thought it was a freshman writing a cliche headline.” ikz wrote the next day. “The paper made a grave mistake in publishing the wrong Florida man headline. Our correction now states, ‘Florida man to run for president, Republican party to split vote and

Sophomore and hopeful future president Johnny McSmith emphasized his concern for the quickly-approaching end of times.

“The world has just never been in such a bad state,” McSmith explained. “The Babylon Bee only just got back on Twitter.”

McSmith took a crack at guessing the day and the hour.

“Really, I should have known Christ wouldn’t be coming back this fall,” Smith