The Hobson April 2020

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april 2020

up the creek: remuera's dirty waters local news, views & informed opinions


St Ann’s 1914 With only two family owners in its lifetime, this magnificent residence, St Ann’s, was designed in 1914 by Benjamin Chilwell as an English country cottage on a grand scale for businessman and philanthropist Charles Isaac Nathan. With a level of craftsmanship seldom seen, the rooms within this beautiful home are so spacious with an ambiance rare to find. The living areas offer today’s family the grace and luxury of timeless character. With the grand staircase complemented with a discreet second one, a library modelled on a corner of famous author Sir Walter Scott’s, and spectacular ceilings throughout, there is a real sense of an artist in residence here. The six bedrooms are equally grand with several en-suites, and hidden treasured places seldom found. The home faces north-east to 3,000 sq m (approx.) of land in a premium location, with a mix of gardens and lawns for children to run to their hearts content. Features like the cherry tree walk, the box parterre garden and a folly make this a very magical landscape. With proximity to both private and Grammar schools plus easy access to Newmarket’s luxury shopping, St. Ann’s is definitely a home for today’s family. Be only the third family owner in 106 years!

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The April Issue, No. 67

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27

36

the editor’s letter

the investment

the anzacs

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Warren Couillault considers zero interest rates, and even deficits

Sue Cooper relates the story of two Remuera heroes of the Imperial Camel Corps

the columnists

13 the village The shitty state of local waters, a bit of canine light relief at Bluejay’s Cafe, resource consent for the national Erebus monument in Dove-Myer Robinson Park won’t be publicly notified, and more

22 the politicians

28 the second act Sandy Burgham is potting her next hobby — what’s your brain-saving diversion?

29 the suburbanist Stockpiling food? That’s nothing new to a suburban child of cautious parents back in the day, says Tommy Honey

40 the curator From her Remuera office, Penny Calder has the fashion world following her every post

43 the sound Don’t get married — it kills the music. Andrew Dickens is not enamoured of some new releases from big names

Updates from local MPs David Seymour and Paul Goldsmith

32 the magpie

44

23 the councillor

If you have to stick close to the nest, lay in some of The Magpie’s favoured treatments for body and soul

What’s going on around here in April

The councillor for the Ōrākei ward, Desley Simpson, shares her news

34 the conservator

26 the plan Well something is working — more houses are being built, writes Hamish Firth

Historian and author Peter Macky has a foot in two worlds: his hometown of Auckland and a passion project in Germany

the diary

46 the cryptic Māyā’s puzzle of the month

'Greetings from the Camel Corps' — this 1917 Christmas card pictures members of the Imperial Camel Corps, to which NZ contributed two companies. See The Anzacs, page 36 (image from Archives NZ)

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I issue 67, april 2020 Editor & Publisher Kirsty Cameron editor@thehobson.co.nz Art Direction & Production Stephen Penny design@thehobson.co.nz News Editor Mary Fitzgerald maryfitzgerald.thehobson@gmail.com Writers This Issue Kirsty Cameron, Mary Fitzgerald, Wayne Thompson, Justine Williams, Fiona Wilson Sub-editor Dawn Adams Columnists Sandy Burgham, Warren Couillault, Andrew Dickens, Hamish Firth, Paul Goldsmith, Tommy Honey, Māyā, David Seymour, Desley Simpson Photographer Stephen Penny

t’s become a tradition that we feature an Anzac-related story in our April issues. For this endeavour, we are so fortunate to be able to publish the work of Sue Cooper, a local historian who is tireless in her quest to record the stories of the Remuera men and women who served, often giving their lives, in WWI. Sue is a former librarian, and chairs Remuera Heritage. Over the years we have featured her research on selfless soldiers and nurses, daring airmen and last year, a comprehensive report on the heroes who received medals for leadership and bravery. The local links are often deeply entwined beyond a connection to Remuera. In last April’s feature, three of the nurses honoured for their acts of courage all lived at some time on Victoria Ave. Others were siblings, there was a husband and wife. In this issue, Sue again gives us a great story, about two men who grew up streets away from each other, and both ended up serving as ‘cameliers’ — the mounted troops who rode camels into battle in the desert theatres of war. As usual, Sue’s deep research in archives, in reading rooms and online finds all sorts of gems that bring the stories to life. In this instance, one of the men, Donald Gorrie, rode with the Pakuranga Hunt and played polo, so you can see how that may have led him to volunteer for the Imperial Camel Corps (New Zealanders made up two companies within the corps). For his compatriot, Rupert McKenzie, we don’t know what experience in his earlier life led to joining the cameliers, but there’s teasing details Sue discovered about his schooling which may provide a clue. Importantly, while researching the cameliers, Sue stumbled on a glaring omission. On a visit to London, she made a trip to the memorial to the Imperial Camel Corps in Charing Cross. There are 41 New Zealanders who died while serving with the Camel Corps. They are named on the monument, but not anywhere else in our own war archives. Sue has corrected that, transcribing the names and then sending them out to official archives here and in the UK. Thanks to her, the names of 41 men are now recorded for posterity. Sue’s story begins on page 36. You can enjoy all of her WWI research published online at remueraheritage.org.nz.

Cover The kayak launching steps on Hobson Bay, on the Shore Rd Reserve pathway. It’s one of several areas now flagged as having dangerously dirty water. See the story, page 13 THE HOBSON is published 10 times a year by The Hobson Limited, PO Box 37490 Parnell, Auckland 1151. www.thehobson.co.nz F: The Hobson Magazine I: @The Hobson Ideas, suggestions, advertising inquiries welcome. editor@thehobson.co.nz

Kirsty Cameron editor@thehobson.co.nz 0275 326 424 Facebook: The Hobson Magazine Instagram: TheHobson

THE HOBSON is Remuera, Parnell and Ōrākei’s community magazine. We deliver into letterboxes in these neighbourhoods, and copies are also at local libraries, cafes, and at businesses including the Vicky Ave and White Heron dairies, and Paper Plus Parnell. For more about us, see The Hobson Magazine on Facebook. The content of THE HOBSON is copyright. Our words, our pictures. Don’t steal, and don’t borrow without checking with us first. We aim for accuracy but cannot be held liable for any inaccuracies that do occur. The views of our contributors are their own and not necessarily those of THE HOBSON. We don’t favour unsolicited contributions but do welcome you getting in touch via editor@thehobson.co.nz to discuss ideas. The Hobson Ltd is a member of the Magazine Publishers Association This publication uses environmentally responsible papers.

ICG Logo CMYK.pdf 1 05/08/2015 6:19:01 AM

Local historian and indefatigable recorder of Remeura's Anzac stories, Sue Cooper, pictured at The Deli cafe in Remuera last month.



The Columnists

Left to right from top row: Sandy Burgham (The Second Act) is a brand strategist and an executive coach with a special interest in midlife change and transformational behaviours. She runs a central Auckland practice. www.playclc.com Remuera resident Warren Couillault (The Investment) is chairperson and CEO of Hobson Wealth, one of New Zealand’s leading private wealth advisory groups. He is also the chair of kōura Wealth, a registered KiwiSaver scheme manager. Andrew Dickens (The Sound) is a host on Newstalk ZB. For 13 years he was the breakfast host on Classic Hits. He grew up in Remuera. Hamish Firth (The Plan) lives and works in Parnell and is principal of the Mt Hobson Group, a specialist urban planning consultancy. www.mthobsonproperties.co.nz Mary Fitzgerald is The Hobson’s News Editor. A Mainlander who transplanted to Remuera 16 years ago, she is passionate about hearing and telling our stories. Urban design critic Tommy Honey (The Suburbanist) is a former architect. The Remuera resident is a regular guest on RNZ National, discussing the built environment. Judi Paape (The Teacher) is a parent, grandparent and highly-experienced teacher and junior school principal. A Parnell resident, her column appears bi-monthly. Contributing writer Wayne Thompson is a former The New Zealand Herald journalist, covering Auckland news. He has been a resident of Parnell for 34 years. Contributing editor Justine Williams is an interiors stylist, writer and fashion editor. The Remuera resident has been the editor of Simply You and Simply You Living.

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Town & Around

Auckland Council posted warning signs around the streams leading to Hobson Bay in mid-March, following testing which showed alarmingly high levels of faecal bacteria.

UNHEALTHY WATERS IN OUR BACKYARD When health warning signs went up at a stream near two preschool centres, a playground, a cricket club and playing fields, the residents of Hapua St, Remuera, knew their long-held suspicions about the cause of smelly local streams were justified. “We pushed hard to get the council to test the water quality and now it’s sad to see the signs and have it confirmed that raw sewage goes into Hobson Bay from our streams, even on days when it doesn’t rain,” local resident Margot Nicholson told The Hobson. “People who didn’t know whether it was safe to go into the waters of the bay now know,” said Nicholson. She is a member of Hapua Thrive, a community group fighting for a healthy Hapua valley and foreshore. Signs were placed at the bay’s tidal inlets running through Ayr Reserve, as well as Thomas Bloodworth Park, Shore Rd Reserve, Waitaramoa Reserve and the adjacent Portland Reserve, and Newmarket Park. Advice to avoid contact with the water seemed too late. Days earlier, a resident saw a dead eel among debris in a black soupy stream as she led children in a walking school bus to Victoria Avenue School. Although Auckland Council’s environmental health department called the recorded very high levels of faecal bacteria “temporary”, Nicholson said the official warning was a significant sad event in local history.

For many years, residents have known that in heavy rain, the volume of water draining from rooftops and roads is greater than the council pipes can handle and diluted waste water spills onto properties and into the streams and the shallow bay. “We understand about wet-weather spills and are concerned about them but spilling in dry weather is a different problem,” says Nicholson. “Raw sewage should not be overflowing when it’s been such a very dry summer. It signals that something is wrong with the infrastructure.” The council’s Healthy Waters agency said on March 12 that it was investigating where the wastewater was coming from. Its official website said the most common cause of dry weather sewage spills was a blocked drain. This happens when householders put the wrong type of waste down the sink and toilet — fats, food and wet wipes build up in a pipe. Another cause of blockages is tree roots invading the pipes. By March 16, invasive tree roots were revealed as the underlying cause of the March overflow spill. The offending tree was in Nuffield St, Newmarket, part of a big area which drains down the slopes from Ōhinerau-Mt Hobson and the Remuera Rd ridge to the Newmarket Stream. The resulting pollution in the stream greatly exceeded the council’s safe swimming levels. Council was asked by The Hobson to give faecal bacteria counts in water samples taken from

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the village

Hobson Bay receives stormwater runoff via the Newmarket Stream, aged infrastructure means the mixing of stormwater and sewage. Dead eels have been seen in the Portland Rd stream.

Newmarket Stream, in dry weather, compared with counts in the bay’s popular swimming beach at tidal Judges Bay. The reply gave measures for two types of faecal bacteria in the stream. E. coli results (normally measured in freshwater) were in the range of 1600-570,000 MPN/100mL [MPN is the most probable number of cells in 100mL. For context, the freshwater swimming guideline is 550 MPN/100mL. The council also measured enterococci (bacteria from the gut of humans and normally measured in saltwater) and found it to be

in the range of 410-20,000 MPN/100mL. The saltwater swimming guideline is 280 MPN/100mL. Most of the time, in dry weather, any Auckland Safeswim site, including Judges Bay, would be expected to return values below the swimming guidelines. Newmarket Stream takes more than 12 high-volume overflows of waste water a year during wet weather, says Watercare. However, Nicholson says that Hapua Thrive believes that because Hobson Bay is a Special Ecological (Marine) Area, it should not be receiving sewage and other pollutants through streams. Hapua Thrive fought

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to get information from agencies on when water was unsafe for recreation and seafood gathering and it had even suggested places for testing where in dry weather sewage was entering stormwater pipes with outfalls in streams. Ideally, says Nicholson, the council should monitor the bay in order to learn its long-term health. And then there’s the smell in the parks and walkways. The stench from the stream beside Portland Rd drew comments from children walking to Vicky Ave school with resident Clare Crosby. She paused to photograph a dead eel. “It was a yukky sight.” She says the experience was a confronting one for the children and added to their awareness of environmental problems. Carole Davies, who has the Newmarket Stream running through her Swinton Close property, is disappointed and alarmed by sewage spills during dry weather, given the years of work by the residents’ environment group From the Deck to clean up the stream. Another who expresses concern is Ngarimu Blair, deputy chair of the Ngāti Whātua Ōrākei Trust. “I was under the impression that the bay’s upgraded pipe [a tunnel to a new pump station from 2011] would take care of a lot of overflows into Hobson Bay, what we call Waitaramoa, and so we would have concerns if this is not the case.” Ngāti Whātua Ōrākei is collaborating with agencies on the $15.5 million Okahu Bay project which is separating stormwater from sewage. Replacing old pipes and the combined sewer will benefit some 800 properties, including those of Ngāti Whātua Ōrākei. It promises fewer wet weather overflows and greater effluent storage to allow more homes to be built. The Okahu Bay project is partly funded by the water quality targeted tate on all Auckland properties brought in by Mayor Phil Goff to raise $452 million over 10 years to hasten work to reduce sewage fouling streams and bathing beaches after heavy rain. Most overflows are in older central areas where 16,000 homes put rain and wastewater into the same pipe. Former Waitematā ward councillor Mike Lee wrote in The Hobson’s March, 2017 issue that Grafton, Newmarket and large parts of Parnell and Newmarket are on the combined system built in the early 1900s for a much smaller population. Lee noted that much of this is so overloaded they could not cope with a common 5mm of rainfall. The problem, he said, is a direct consequence of Auckland’s growth and the failure over many years to provide for adequate sanitation. Ōrākei Local Board chairman Scott Milne says he is saddened that warning signs have become necessary but it is “another arrow in our quiver to get action” to have it fixed. “It’s likely that the replacement for the ageing infrastructure that caused it will be paid for by the targeted rate and the board will be lobbying Watercare to ensure that this is put high up the list of projects, because poor infrastructure affecting Hobson Bay is a sub-regional matter.” Watercare has started building the $1.1 billion Central Interceptor tunnel from Western Springs to Māngere Treatment Plant. It’s supposed to capture enough effluent from 12,000 properties in the western and central suburbs to cut the frequency and volume of wet weather overflows by 80 per cent. The water quality targeted rate will pump $361.6 million into work to stop stormwater causing overflows in old suburbs on the western side of the city such as Freemans Bay, St Marys Bay, Herne Bay and Waterview. Ōrākei councillor Desley Simpson says the Central Interceptor will benefit the eastern city too. It will relieve the trunk sewer serving the CBD and eastern suburbs of some of its load and let it cope with growth. “I know Remuera residents met Watercare and Healthy Waters to voice their concerns about overflows but the promises have not been delivered,” says Simpson. “I think that the Ōrākei Bay project has to be replicated in Meadowbank, Remuera and other suburbs if we really are to make a difference. I’m pushing Watercare to fastforward its work programme. This is an emergency and they have been aware of it for a time.” — Wayne Thompson p

SAFE AS HOUSES

Despite huge concerns around Coronavirus, the housing market continues to be extremely buoyant. It’s amazing how quickly fear can spook markets, we noted an initial share market sell off. The silver lining is interest rates are low and likely to be lower with talk of imminent OCR cuts to offset the prospect of a Coronavirus induced economic downturn. When all else fails, housing continues to perform. Latest statistics confirm property values have firmed consistently for the last 11 years in a row. In short we are extremely busy, with auctions continuing to be well supported, it would be fair to say in spite of all odds 2020 continues to feel like a good year for the Auckland residential market. Worried about what to do with your money? The phrase ‘safe as houses’ comes to mind.

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the village

MANGROVES ON THE WAY OUT Small white ‘icebergs’ are now visible in Hobson Bay as mangrove removal gets underway. The plan to pull back the mangroves and restore parts of the shoreline was approved some years ago with funding from the Ōrākei Local Board. We will have more about this in our May edition.

PUBLIC VOICE SILENCED ON EREBUS The resource consent for the national Erebus Memorial planned for Dove-Myer Robinson Park, Parnell, will not be publicly notified, despite the Waitematā Local Board requesting that a public notification process be part of the consenting. The local board is the landowner for the purposes of development and activity in the public park, which includes the Rose Gardens, and had asked as such that the contentious placement of the monument be given the chance for formal public feedback. Auckland Council confirmed last month that the resource consent will be non-notified, a decision taken by the city’s independent planning commissioners. The commissioners reviewed the Ministry for Culture and Heritage’s application to build the memorial in the park, and was satisfied no one would be adversely affected by the proposal and that there will be no more than a minor impact on the park, meaning the application will proceed on a non-notified basis. According to an update on the MCH website, “the Ministry believes this decision reflects the thorough design process and planning approach followed for this project. The memorial has been designed to sit lightly on the landscape and enhance the surrounds of Dove-Myer Robinson Park”. It does not say that the Boffa Miskell consultants it engaged recommended against the location, noting it has no connection with the 1979 Erebus tragedy, which took 257 lives.

The proposed national Erebus Memorial, image courtesy of Save Robbies Park, who commissioned further renders based on submitted drawings. Jo Malcolm, who is campaigning to have the memorial located elsewhere.

Resource consent is one of three consents and approvals MCH needs before construction can start on the memorial. The others are the Waitematā Local Board as landowner, and an archaeological authority approval from Heritage NZ, which it granted last month after a day spent digging at the site. Board chair Richard Northey says given the high level of interest in the project, the board wanted the request notified. The path to consent has been fraught since the plans for the monument were revealed in late 2018. Once the level of public objection became apparent in public consultation — 63 per cent of Aucklanders the hobson 16



the village

were against the siting in the park as were 77 per cent of those identifying as ‘local’ — the Waitematā Local Board deferred a decision on the project until the new board was sworn in after October’s election. “It’s been a complete shambles from start to finish, and a complete disrespect to the people of Waitematā,” says board member Sarah Trotman. “I think the Ministry for Culture and Heritage have been quite arrogant in their approach and I have communicated this loud and clear to the chief executive. The outcome is being manipulated because the ministry believe they have to have the memorial located on the Parnell site.” Trotman, the only member of the board who did not stand on the Labour-aligned City Vision ticket, points to a political chain of pressure from the PM’s office in Wellington to Auckland Council. “The Prime Minister has been set down a path and she has been very determined, to the point that the mayor came out publicly and said that he hoped that the WLB would support land owner approval,” says Trotman. “While I respect his right to do that, as a new local board member I feel quite pressured by that comment.” “The voice of the community and Erebus families has been taken from them,” says Parnell resident Jo Malcolm of the “disappointing” decision. Malcolm is the co-founder, with fellow local Anne Coney, of the ‘Save Robbies Park’ group. She is also the daughter-in-law of an Erebus victim. “This was the only chance — a publicly notified process — that the memorial had of working for everyone. If the ministry voluntarily publicly notified that decision, we could have had, through resource consent, an opportunity to make this memorial work for everyone. “If they succeed, we will end up with a community who will be hurt, angry and resentful of a memorial that is meant to bring peace and healing.” The next step will be MCH requesting landowner consent from the board as part of the three-stage process. At The Hobson’s print deadline, no application had been received, but it is understood that once it is, the board will consider all information available to it and feedback from the community during the consultation process last year. — Mary Fitzgerald p

The clever hands of The Auckland Quiltmakers will hold their annual show and market during the first weekend of May, at the Jubilee Building, 545 Parnell Rd. The 39 members of the group want to increase awareness of the art and skills of quiltmaking and fibre art, and encourage all to come along and see what’s possible with a needle, thread and scraps of fabric. Quilting supplies and some of the works will be on sale, and this spectacular quilt, pictured, is the raffle prize, with all net proceeds donated to Mercy Hospice. Open from 10am-4pm Saturday May 2 and Sunday May 3, entry $5 at the door, with under-12s free. Tickets can also be purchased in advance at Mercy Hospice shops. p

AROUND THE WARDS Construction on the Glen Innes to Tamaki Dr shared path is underway along the Tāmaki Dr seafront between Ngapipi Rd and The Strand intersections, with a two-way separated cycleway and improved pedestrian facilities. This area of Tamaki Dr is prone to flooding and the road will be also be lifted, which will improve flood protection. And Auckland Transport and the NZ Transport Agency have confirmed that funding has been approved to complete the final two stages of the pathway. A joint project between AT and the NZTA, the completed four-stage pathway will deliver a 7km-long walking and cycling path connecting the eastern suburbs to the city centre. “The board is delighted that the process is underway for stage four,” says Ōrākei Local Board chair Scott Milne. “The shared pathway is a long-held vision and these milestones are encouraging steps along the way.” The first stage of the pathway started construction in 2015, and the final stage is expected to be completed by 2022. Plans are still progressing for the redevelopment of the Village Green area in Remuera. The Hobson understands the resource consent application is close to being finalised, which is when the developers can address questions from locals, like what’s going to happen to our favourite local Thai restaurant, Thai Village? We’ll let you know as soon as we know.

HAVE YOU IN STITCHES Tamaki Estuary Environment Forum co-chair Dr Julie Chambers has presented a progress report to the Ōrākei Local Board in support of funding from the board. TEEF has been running since 1988 to provide integrated environment management to protect and enhance the health of the Tamaki Estuary. It receives funding from Auckland Council and the five local boards that border the estuary, Ōrākei included. TEEF is open to participation from individuals, groups and business — any parties who want to get involved in protecting and enhancing the estuary environment. Key targets for this year include removing plastics from the estuary, measuring and improving the water quality and creating a place of value people want to visit, Chambers told the local board. With funding, TEEF will commission more research into the local bird ecology, and support organisations working in pest control. After hearing TEEF’s presentation, Scott Milne noted it was “impressive to see how much hands-on work that the TEEF members are doing, as well as through motivating others to get involved. I am always so impressed and humbled by the voluntary contribution that our community members dedicate to this worthy cause.” Auckland Council is in the process of reviewing its City Centre Masterplan, and the Waitematā Local Board made formal resolutions of feedback. Board chair Richard Northey says the local board sought to enhance a greater emphasis in the masterplan on the areas that are part of Parnell. “We formally endorsed the the hobson 18


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Grafton Gully boulevard concept which is a priority of the Parnell Plan,” says Northey, “but noted the Parnell Business Association raised concerns that possible interim measures that remove parking to give priority to trucks could be detrimental to local businesses. We also endorsed prioritising the connectivity between Parnell, the city centre and the Domain through walking and cycling connections, public transport and wayfinding, and finally, we endorsed the St Georges Bay streetscape upgrade.” Waitematā Local Board members conducted their beating of the bounds walk last month, a tradition undertaken each new board term. The six-hour trek is a hike around the local board boundary, which stretches from Meola Reef in the west, to the Parnell shores of Hobson Bay. Waitematā councillor Pippa Coom and Ōrākei councillor Desley Simpson also joined the traverse. The beating of the bounds is an ancient custom that has its origins in English and Welsh parishes, when community members would walk the boundaries of the parish, led by church officials, to show where the boundaries lay and to pray for protection of the land. Waitematā chair Richard Northey says the beating of the bounds was an enjoyable day out and that from Newmarket, the group was joined by members of the Ōrākei Local Board. Northey noted that while the Elam St steps to the Hobson Bay walkway had been restored by the board, “some sections of the walkway further along could do with some tender loving care. And at the end of this long walk in the hot sun we were surprised and delighted to meet two Parnell residents, both called Ann, who greeted us with ice-blocks and a cool lemonade.” — reporting by Mary Fitzgerald p

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THE SOCIAL REGISTER

Miss Zara Matthews of Remuera is one of the locals to have availed herself of the fine afternoon teas on offer at Remuera’s most dog-friendly café, Bluejay’s Garden Bar and Kitchen. Pups are welcome in Bluejay’s back garden, so welcome that they receive a free pupcake with their puppycino on Tuesdays. A lady of fine Havanese breeding, Miss Matthews can be a fussy eater, but enjoyed her pupcake with relish. Bluejay’s, 354 Remuera Rd, see them on Facebook (BluejaysRemuera) for all sorts of good news for two and four-legged customers. p

We want to hear from you! Tell us what we should focus on over the next three years to make your community better through our 2020 Local Board Plans. Have your say now at akhaveyoursay.co.nz/lovelocal


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the politicians

Paul Goldsmith

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David Seymour

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very day in Parliament someone discovers a new problem that can be fixed by a new regulation. Often it can seem like a good idea – something to improve the quality of rental properties, something to reduce accidents, or to allow a voice to be heard on a particular topic. They land, layer on layer, like snow. And, although, many of them make sense individually, together they add weight and cost to everything. There are huge health benefits from affordable housing. There are huge safety benefits from driving on high quality roads. But the cost of building new houses and safe new roads in NZ is extraordinarily high. Poor quality regulation is a real factor in those high costs, and so any sensible government must work hard to push back. On health and safety laws, I’ll never forget cruising down Green Lane West, a 50kph suburban road, and seeing someone working on the footpath. Beside him on the road was a huge motorway truck with the flashing lights and crash pad on its back. But there wasn’t one — three were lined up in a row behind the man on the footpath. The bizarre thing is, while we waste resources on such silly things, over the summer I’d encounter roadworks on the open road, where workers were active and they had a 30kph zone in place. People were driving at 80kph, dangerously, but nowhere was there any enforcement of the speed limit. The best regulatory systems have fewer rules, rigorously enforced. In too many areas we have lots of rules, sporadically enforced. The Ardern-Peters-Greens government is very much in the space of more regulation; more rules. National wants to push back, so we can concentrate on the stuff that really matters. Recently, as the first part of our economic plan, we confirmed we will remove two regulations for every new one introduced and will light a regulations bonfire. There are tens of thousands of regulations. There are so many that officials don’t know how many there are or where to find them all. We recognise many of these regulations have built up over the years and are no longer fit for purpose. Some of them protect and preserve the interests of industries or highly risk-averse government or council officials. We will remove barriers to new entrants to the market and streamline unnecessarily slow and expensive bureaucratic procedures. Having a concrete policy of eliminating two old regulations for every new regulation introduced will incentivise officials to look at ways of reducing regulations before they impose new ones. A good place to start is Labour’s reforms to the Residential Tenancies Act which reduce rights of landlords, increase costs, discourage the supply of rental properties and increase rents for low income households. That’s not good for the landlord, or the tenant. We understand a large number of costly regulations are set by local councils. We respect the right for councils to set some of their own rules, but a future National government will not be afraid to legislate over councils where they impose unnecessary and costly regulations. We will work with councils to introduce a two-for-one regulation policy which mirrors the one National will introduce. It’s critical that all governments understand the burdens that are being placed on households and businesses by excessive red tape. Let the bonfire begin.

he Abortion Legislation Bill has raised considerable controversy. Political parties duck such issues by saying “our party takes no position. Members of Parliament will vote on their conscience”. In practice MPs consider more than their own personal feelings on conscience issues. I believe it’s important to explain my position to you, and why I’ve supported this Bill. I commissioned a poll of a representative sample of 750 Epsom electorate residents. That poll found 70 per cent would like me to vote for the Abortion Legislation Bill, with 19 per cent opposed. I took that as a very strong signal that I should vote for the Bill. It’s also true to say that my own personal views are in the 70 per cent. Some argue that there is no problem to be solved by this Bill. In practice, women in New Zealand can easily access abortion if they wish. I think that’s true so far as it goes, but it ignores some important details. One is that the process we’ve had since the late 70s is a subterfuge. It grew out of a political compromise, a wink and a nudge. The law says abortion is a crime, but there is an exemption if the woman’s health is in danger. That can include her mental wellbeing, and who’s to contradict her if she says her pregnancy threatens that? The subterfuge is, as National’s Amy Adams put it in debate, that women have to invent a fiction that they are mentally unwell to access abortion. Most of us find contorting ourselves to satisfy others’ impositions offensive. We prefer to tell the truth. To engage in this subterfuge is also to invite stigma. I sat on the select committee considering the Bill. We heard from women who were treated terribly, bullied and ridiculed for having abortions, even when it was done to save their own life. It’s difficult to maintain that criminalisation doesn’t contribute to this stigma. The status quo also introduced considerable bureaucracy, leading to regional inequity. The Abortion Supervisory Committee imposed a bureaucratic process that was painful for women in metropolitan centres such as Auckland, but positively grueling for rural and provincial women who had to travel to satisfy the requirements. All of that is gone. Abortion under the new Bill is no longer found in the Crimes Act. For the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, it is now a medical matter undertaken without undue bureaucracy imposed. The Bill’s opponents like to point out that abortion is a terrible thing. They’re absolutely correct. Some engage in unwinnable debates about when life really begins. All of this is to miss the point. The point is not what we think of abortion, but what the law should be. What good does it do, I asked in the debate, for the apparatus of state to try to force women to take pregnancies to term against their will? No matter what your feelings on the matter, we should be able to agree on the facts. The practical evidence from around the world is that prohibitions do not effectively reduce rates. Canada, for instance, has no abortion law whatsoever, but significantly lower abortion rates than NZ. But prohibition does stigmatise women who have abortions. Offensively, it also harbours the logic that women are fickle vessels who must be controlled, lest they make the wrong decision. For all of those reasons, I voted for this Bill. I hope you will agree doing so helps make us a more honest and compassionate society, and if you don’t, at least accept the legitimacy of this point of view.

Paul Goldsmith is a National list MP based in Epsom

David Seymour is the MP for Epsom the hobson 22


the councillor

Desley Simpson

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nnual Budget consultation closed last month, and I want to thank those of you that took the time to read through the proposed changes and have your say. I take my constituents views as vital to my decision making – your say really does make a difference for me. From here, feedback will be collated and analysed, with final adoption of local board funding agreements and the Annual Budget happening in June. Having asked if you support the way council plans to spend your money, it’s important to give you some comfort; we are also working hard to find efficiencies and savings. In my role as chair of the new Value for Money Committee, I oversee a work programme that is focused on finding savings and gaining efficiencies across all areas of council business. Essentially, the programme is council’s response to its statutory obligations which require us to assess the cost-effectiveness of our services through the lens of governance, funding and service delivery. At my first meeting I stated very clearly to staff it was my intention to identify half a billion dollars of efficiencies from the current plan within this political term. After some ‘discussion’ I managed to get agreement. I will continue to bring you updates on this committee as we progress through the term, letting you know how and where those efficiencies will be realised. Last month, a decision for the City Centre Masterplan refresh came to council’s Planning Committee. The report outlined the future of the central city and council’s approach to placemaking. While much of the plan has merit, one of its key changes is no eastwest connection. As the mayor put it, central Auckland will now be a place to go to, not through. Vehicles wanting to go east-west would need to travel an ‘around’ route via The Strand (which is a state highway designation) to the motorway and back off on the western side. My concerns voiced at the meeting covered three key points:

1. Before we adopted any new plan, we needed to know the practicalities of how this would work, along with the associated traffic modelling. Auckland Transport commented (quite rightly in my opinion) they would need at least a year to figure this out and I believed we should see that work first. 2. No east-west connection. Many of you have contacted me voicing dismay at this change. Concern from me was further enhanced due to the re-routing option that would only work if the NZ Transport Agency (central government) prioritised infrastructure for this – which has yet to happen despite this plan dating back to 2012. Hasn’t the central city enough cones and disruption already? Why don’t we wait until the CRL and other key works are completed before embarking on even more disruption? 3. The cost. Transport infrastructure is expensive, we have many competing demands from all parts of Auckland, and we have already spent considerable millions on the central city. We need to be mindful to spend equitably. So, while I fully believe in some of the long-term outcomes, I remain nervous about the practical implications of pushing forward with this work right now. Therefore, I chose not to vote for the plans in the refresh but sadly lost that vote. On a more positive note, I am very excited that funding has finally been approved to complete the final stages of the Glen Innes to Tamaki Drive Shared Path. The shared path is being delivered by NZTA and AT in four separate sections. Sections one and three are already open and the NZTA and AT boards have now approved funding to complete the last two sections. This investment has been a long time coming and I applaud another regional funding success in our very wonderful corner of Auckland. Desley Simpson is the Councillor for Auckland representing the Ōrākei ward

Some families choose to do a simple cremation which can still provide a meaningful farewell. We were caring for an elderly man recently who had a small family and had outlived his contemporaries. He had been a builder but also loved sewing and made all his own clothes. His children helped dress him in his wonderfully crafted garments. The family, which included a 4-month-old baby and a 3-year-old, then had a lovely time with him — laughing, crying, telling stories and playing music — before accompanying us to the crematorium. It was an intimate and ultimately joyous occasion. At Aroha Funerals, our personalised approach ensures each family are treated with compassion, kindness and empathy.

09 527 0266 0800 276 420 www.arohafunerals.co.nz

the hobson 23


the hobson + clonbern garden

When Location and Quality Matters A new apartment complex in the heart of Remuera will offer residents everything they love about the neighbourhood, including stunning gardens

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here’s a new, verdant way of living coming to Remuera. Clonbern Garden, a 52-apartment complex at the Remuera Rd end of Clonbern Rd will bring a great address and top location. Designed by the highly-regarded architectural practice, Peddle Thorp, Clonbern Garden embraces the charm of its historic suburb home. Gardens are integral to the design, and its ‘heart of the town centre’ location means those already resident in Remuera don’t have to give up what they love about their neighbourhood, except perhaps lawn and garden maintenance. “The team behind Clonbern Garden want it to be both elegant and contemporary, to have a timeless feel,” says Colleen Milne, Bayleys’ agent and former Real Estate Institute chief executive, of the architectural design. “It will be a natural transition for people who love the idea of moving to an apartment, but want to remain in a familiar neighbourhood, still in a beautiful, quality home, close to all the things they currently enjoy.” Every apartment, whether it’s a one, two, or three-bedroom design, will enjoy green aspects in addition to its views. In the centre of the development lies ‘the secret garden’, an oasis of multi-level planting and lawns enhanced by two water features. Several ground-level apartments also have their own courtyards but everyone can enjoy the central garden, without having to lift a spade or drag a bag of mulch! Most of the apartments are also enhanced with an additional living space, the multi-purpose and flexible ‘winter garden’, which can work as a terrace, by positioning the full-height sliding glazed panels, or become an extension of the living space, giving a second lounge or even a study. With the Remuera town centre’s services, the supermarket and bus stops only a few minutes walk away, some residents may choose to downsize from a two-car family to just one, or even no car. But there are ample basement garage car spaces available for purchase with the apartments. Inside, the apartments — which have a 2.7 metre stud — are detailed with outstanding features. Starting with the kitchen, there is an impressive swathe of a long island bench which will satisfy all cooks, entertainers and those who simply love the style of an eat-at counter (the floorplan also allows room for a dining table). All appliances are Miele, and every kitchen also has a splashback crafted from a single piece of stone that is toned with either of the lighter or darker colour palettes. Ensuites and bathrooms share a similar aesthetic, with ample storage and wall-hung fittings for a sophisticated, sleek finish. Step into the bedroom — many of the master suites share access to the winter garden, and have generous, walk-through wardrobes, the stud height allowing for more valuable storage space. All homes in Clonbern Garden’s four blocks look to the landscaped gardens through the extensive, floor-to-ceiling glazing. Many are dual aspect, enjoying neighbourhood views, or for the penthouses, a vista that sweeps across to Maungakiekie/One Tree Hill. The developers and architects have worked to make Clonbern Garden a congenial place to live, with inter-apartment soundproofing designed to meet or be above the current building code, and for ease of access, each block has its own elevator to service the two-to-four apartments per floor. The complex is pet-friendly and body corporate fees and outgoings will be kept the hobson 24

as lean as possible as there is no pool or gym to maintain. There is state-of-the-art security for resident access, EV chargers will be available in the garage, and there’s onsite storage too. Three medium-sized retail spaces will front Clonbern Rd, complementing the existing shops in the precinct. And for families with younger children, it’s a short walk to the local, zoned schools, Remuera Primary and Remuera Intermediate, or a quick bus hop to Grammar and EGGS. School buses also connect with private schools nearby, with King’s School also only a short walk away. “We have already sold a good number of apartments in our first release,” says Colleen Milne. “Overall, the buyers are local, and they’ve been waiting for the right apartment to come along, that will keep them in the area they love, yet give them freedom from things like the constant home maintenance and gardening that can become a bind with large houses. They see Clonbern Garden as allowing them to maintain the style of living


they like; it’s safe and secure, and it will give them time to enjoy things they’ve been promising themselves they’ll do one day.” Construction for Clonbern Garden is due to begin later this year, with completion expected in 2022. A show suite displaying finishes and a full kitchen to view — including that impressive long bench — has been established at 390 Remuera Rd (a few doors along from Gracious Living). It is open midday to 4pm weekdays, 2pm-4pm Saturdays and Sundays, or by appointment.

The central shared garden at the heart of the complex. Below, the multi-use winter garden opens from the living space and can be arranged to suit the season. The elegant interiors are by Hare, an Auckland interior design practice.

For further information, expressions of interest or to make a time to suit you at the show suite, please contact Colleen Milne: 021 223 3080, colleen.milne@bayleys.co.nz or Harry Cheng: 021 230 6877, harry.cheng@bayleys.co.nz the hobson 25


the plan

Something is Working

U

nprecedented levels of housing growth in Auckland are now being evidenced with 13,197 Code Compliance Certificates (house completion sign off) issued for new homes in 2019. This is 24 per cent up from 2018, and 63 per cent up from 2017. The trend suggests that over 15,000 houses will be completed in 2022. This is all as a result of the Auckland Unitary Plan, which has freed up land supply largely within existing urban boundaries. Wherever you look in suburban Auckland, new houses are being built. And it looks like 2020 has seen real estate excitement explode again. Headlines touting record real estate prices and auction rooms humming will have all the car dealers clicking their personalised cufflinks with glee, as the 2015 model is traded for the new “look at me” version of the same car. While we are seeing these sort of headlines we are also seeing consenting all over Auckland being undertaken for terrace houses that fit the first home buyer profile – that is they may be small, but they suit the price point and the various KiwiSaver deposit requirements. It is election year. Traditionally politicians like it when house prices rise. People feel richer, borrow more and as such spend more, giving the economy a nice boost along the way. When everyone feels good, incumbent politicians have a better chance of re-election. Remember the now infamous mantra from the 1992 Bill Clinton presidential campaign: “the economy, stupid”? Well property, more the value of property, plays a large role in indicating success and how we feel we are doing as a country. Covid-19 aside, things have been ticking along nicely and rising house prices help fuel the sentiment. But there is another side to rising house prices and that is costly housing causes rents to rise, which forces renters to spend less on other goods and services. A malfunctioning market where there is a supply and demand imbalance constrains growth. So, you would think this latest round of house price increases is negative and not positive for first home buyers or renters. Here is where I disagree and that is because the Unitary Plan has created a flexible planning system that increases supply to provide for the demand at the bottom or entry level.

Broadly speaking, Auckland’s planning system has changed from a discretion-led approach to density — where residents have the power to stop or slow development plans — to a rules-based approach. The former are common in Commonwealth or Britishrooted countries and it is no surprise that these countries have in recent decades seen the biggest price rises. The latter are more in line with how France and Germany manage house prices. That is, if a housebuilder or developer ticks the boxes, including urban design, then consent can and is granted, even if locals object. According to The Economist, since 1950 Germany has built twice the number of houses as Britain, despite the populations being similar. It shows that those who manage the land better have a more stable housing market. I suspect in Auckland we are going to see a rise in the home ownership rate as a result of these changes. While the stresses of paying back a mortgage are real, the end result is a home you own and that is a tradition most of us enjoy (after the fact) and are used to. However, we are also increasing the rental supply using the Unitary Plan. My practice has just worked on the consents for two long-term rental blocks in Onehunga, providing over 120 new units purely for the rental market. This rise in private sector rentals or corporate housing will raise rental standards in my opinion. Coupled with the increase in basic standards for rental properties, larger companies have the benefit of scale and are able to pay for professional, sometimes onsite, rental managers. While the relationship may be more transactional, it is in the best interest of the build-to-rent model to keep tenants within a complex for as long as possible, even if they relocated within a block as needs change. The government and Auckland Council have more control over planning systems than they do over global financial and virusspreading conditions. The sooner the Unitary Plan’s underlying intent is rolled out countrywide, the sooner you will see a change in housing supply and demand to better meet the needs of the community. — Hamish Firth

Yes, even Mahé needs a navigator. J U S T N O T O N T H E W AT E R

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the hobson 26


the investment

Well, I never

T

he past few weeks have been something of a rollercoaster ride for investors, with market volatility spiking as the world and financial markets try to come to grips with the Covid-19 outbreak and both the human and economic implications. Markets do not like uncertainty so the recent swings in prices and general adjustment down is to be expected in these circumstances. Unsurprisingly, and I think to be welcomed, we have seen a co-ordinated response from central bankers around the world. In simple terms, the US, Canada and Australia central banks have all come out and lowered interest rates, with it widely expected that the United Kingdom and New Zealand (the OCR is currently 1.00 per cent) will follow suit. What has been somewhat lost in the ensuing chaos, is that the yield or return of a New Zealand 10-year government bond is now just 1.00 per cent. Let’s just stop to think for a minute precisely what that means: investors are prepared to lend money to the government (assuming they hold to maturity) for a period of the next 10 years for a 1.00 per cent annual return. For $1 million invested in New Zealand government 10-year bonds, one would expect to receive cash returns of $10,000 each year – before tax! Seriously? The European example is even more head scratching, with the return on 10-year German bonds now falling to -0.60 per cent. That essentially means the investor pays the government a fee to hold his or her money. What makes this equation even more baffling is that in New Zealand, inflation is tracking somewhere close to 2 per cent along with GDP growth. In a normalised economic environment, those two numbers alone would be key detractors when considering investing in long-dated government bonds. But normalised economic environment times these are clearly not. At this juncture the notion of investors buying government bonds for a modest return goes out the window. More likely, government bonds are now likely to be viewed effectively as an insurance contract. A contract whereby investors believe they will get their money back, and the belief that there is liquidity to access their money if circumstances change. A government bond is deemed the closest thing to a ‘riskfree’ investment and investors have flocked there on safe-haven demand pushing the prevailing interest yield down to these extraordinarily low levels. For many, knowing that their capital will be preserved far outweighs the thought of their capital being at risk while seeking a higher return. ‘Risk’ and ‘reward’ are terms often used when assessing the merits of a particular investment. For mine, short of an environment here of negative interest rates, investing in a 10year government bond in the current environment appears to be a bit of risk but with absolutely no reward. “Never in my lifetime” is a phrase I have used a few times over the past year or two. I never thought I would see the Dow Jones Index nudging 30,000, especially when I saw it down at around 6000 on my 40th birthday back in 2009. I never would have thought I would see home mortgage interest rates in New Zealand with a three in front — just 3-something per cent. Never! And I never thought I would see the yield on the New Zealand 10-year government bond where it is now. And that is a meagre 1.00 per cent. Rates have been headed lower for the past few years as inflation has all but disappeared – but 1.00 per cent?? Never would have thought. — Warren Couillault

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the second act

So, What do You Do?

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here’s one question that I ask people, particularly working parents in their 30s and 40s, that often has an unexpected reaction. It’s not unusual for female executives in particular to be speechless. Indeed, it can stop them in their tracks after I have let them run with a narrative about work issues and the conundrum of “what I want to do next”. Some have even burst into tears. The question is innocuous and is delivered with genuine curiosity rather than any loaded judgement. And the question is: “What are your hobbies?” After gathering themselves together, an eventual response is often “I don’t have time for those” or “if I had time, all I would want to do is have a cup of tea and a lie down” (females). Or it’s something like, “I’ve just bought an amazing Harley Davidson and I just don’t get to ride it enough” (males). I hate to be so gendered about this, but frankly, it’s the truth. But rather than going into gender inequities in the household — as much as I’d like to — I want to dig a little deeper into the unexpected benefits of the simple ‘hobby’. Hobbies aren’t taking the kids to the beach or museum. That’s called life. Hobbies are a personal folly, indulged in purely for pleasure. In my late 30s, my Harleyriding, classic carrestoring, vintage toycollecting husband had the audacity to venture into this territory with me. He commented, with a look of concern, “gosh, you don’t seem to have any hobbies”. As I was wiping his blood off the kitchen knife I held, the same one I used to make lunch for our unruly children, I realised he was right. So I embarked on a campaign of devoting an evening a week (Tuesday to be exact) to toy with how I wanted to play. It was like relearning how to walk. Fast-forward 15 years and my own array of hobbies are vast and eclectic, but it all started with dabbling in mahjong, which I still play competitively with the zealousness of a kung fu master. The benefits of hobbies are pretty obvious but there are a few particular aspects that became really apparent when I recently did a beginners course in pottery. (A Christmas present from my husband, who must still be concerned. I guess he can’t pick up the nuances of my now hobbied life while he’s glued to the underside of his classic car.) I walked into Selwyn College, which for years has been running an amazing programme of community education — I know this because 40 years ago, my mother taught their Japanese night classes. The soap makers were ushered one way and us would-be potters another. A remnant of my arrogant executive self whispered, “OMG has my life come to this”, before I got over myself. Here I was, with a really ethnically diverse group of Aucklanders, who all wanted to get elbow deep in wet clay, a great leveller.

Lesson #1: Hobbies are inclusive and connect people via things other than status. (I’m excluding polo, golf, and sailing – these aren’t hobbies, they are leisure pursuits for the wealthy.) Before long I realised I was probably bottom of the pottery class. I could tell by the hesitant way the tutor approached my wheel and kept encouraging me to go back to square one (or ‘centering’ for those in the know). And in fact ‘centering’ is a great analogy for what hobbies actually do. For a start, no-one was remotely interested in my fabulous career or newly renovated apartment. Lesson #2: It’s a good wake up call for the ego. I might have been good at writing essays at uni, but I am shit with a lump of clay. I presented something to the tutor; he suggested it probably wouldn’t make it to the kiln. (My final efforts pictured here.) Lesson #3: There are multiple intelligences and bodily intelligence is often forgotten. In our leadership work, sensing with the body — somatics — is where a lot of the more advanced leadership development is heading. Many give their bodies a thrashing at the gym, but the integration of mind, body and spirit is actually the underpinning of advanced levels of conscious leadership. I realised my mind, body and spirit were cleary a little out of sync. As I was co-ordinating the foot pedal and working the clay on the spinning wheel with slippery hands, an emerging object kept appearing, then collapsing. The harder I tried, the more quickly my mental energy cancelled out the result. “It’s not a bloody race”, the more enlightened part of my ego whispered. And it followed that the more I surrendered, the more I was present to the moment, things started to come together. And then, as tends to happen, when we are not seeking it, an answer to a work issue I was struggling with was able to break through my thinking mind. There is a lesson in there about hobbies helping you dial down the thinking mind to allow a deeper intelligence or knowing to come through. But finally, and most importantly, it is about community, and how the individual communes with the world around them. When The Hobson first started, it was because our editor was deeply interested in the concept of community. It is the one part of the publishing industry that is on the rise as people turn away from print. As we become more disconnected through technology, little community groups and community education become all the more important. They get us out of our controlled environments and especially, they get us out of the echo chamber of social media. Real communities remind us we are human beings. So, out of interest, what are your hobbies? — Sandy Burgham

the hobson 28


the suburbanist

Of Pioneering Stock

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y parents were suburban pioneers. They bought their section at an auction held at the Paremata-Plimmerton rugby club clubrooms. It was in a new development on the hill above Mana with a view looking out over the Pāuatahanui Inlet. They were counselled against buying there because it was rumoured that there were plans to put a new motorway right through the harbour. Others said not to worry because the motorway was going through Transmission Gully, way beyond the hills and work would start any day now (work did finally start, on a day some 50 years later). The nearest school was a mile away. Closer by was a grocery store and the railway station, later immortalised in a painting by Robin White. Unsurprisingly the grocery store was the centre of the community. We had an account there and when, flushed with the prosperity that was the 1960s, we got a telephone my mother could ring up and place an order. Sometime later – that evening, the next – the grocer would turn up in his van and bring in the supplies in cardboard boxes, taking away the boxes from last week. We were so modern. When my parents first married, neither one of them knew how to cook, so they tossed a coin and my father went out and took lessons. After a time, he also did the shopping. By now we had a car, and no need for the grocery delivery. The car could get us further afield to Plimmerton, one village over, where there was a Four Square, called Robbie’s, owned by Mr Robinson. This was no grocery store; it had aisles! On Friday night my father would go through the ads in the Evening Post and cut out the coupons on the Four Square page – another failing of grocery stores was that, as well as the absence of aisles, they didn’t discount. Or advertise. Saturday morning and my father would pick up Mrs Sharp from up the road (the Sharps didn’t own a car) and head off to Robbie’s, coupons and list in hand. When things were cheap Dad ‘stocked up’ and bought in bulk. When we added an extension to the house (the word ‘renovation’ not yet in our suburban lexicon), Dad fitted out a storeroom at the back of the garage as a place to put his bulk buys. There were sloping shelves accessed from both sides so you could fill them up with cans from one side and take them out from the other – always taking the oldest first. Sometime in the mid 70s, the government announced that in a year’s time, they would be removing the subsidy on sugar. Every weekend, Dad would buy an extra 3lb bag of sugar and put it in the storeroom. We were still consuming subsidised sugar a full year after the price went up. One day I noticed a dozen or more containers of black pepper and I asked Dad what was going on. He said he heard that there was going to be a worldwide shortage. I said that there was no need to create it. After a few years, we got a local supermarket and it was included on the shopping expeditions, but only after visiting Robbie first. The grocer had turned into a dairy, where I spent my time after school and weekends rolling ice creams for a dollar an hour. Now we don’t subsidise sugar, we look for ways to tax it. We buy our food online from a supermarket, using a keyboard not a phone, and it gets delivered to the door not by a grocer, but by a fit young man driving not a Morris Minor van but a refrigerated truck. The cardboard boxes were replaced by plastic but now we’re back to paper bags. Now we retreat indoors, pursued by a virus, ordering food in bulk and storing it in the garage, living a contactless life via a fibre cable and a screen. We’re so modern. — Tommy Honey

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A Little Me Time This month, the Magpie is feeling more beautiful than ever 1. Physical sunscreen, also called mineral sunscreen, sits on top of the skin and deflects both UVA and UVB rays. Annoyingly, many physical sunscreens leave a white or tinted residue on your skin, but newer formulas like Dermalogica Invisible Physical Defense SPF30 are ultra-sheer, to help prevent that chalky effect. $103 from Dermalogica counters or dermalogica.co.nz 2. Have medium to coarse feathers? I mean hair? Then Kérastase Masque Densité is your friend. It’s specifically designed to combat the loss of density that can happen over time — active ingredients work from root to tip so hair looks fuller, with more body. If only they made a cream like this for other parts of the body. $65 at Kérastase stockists and salons 3. In this season of face masks, sheet masks continue to spark joy. NZ-based Syrene Skincare delivers the goods with the Power Masque with Aquagel Advanced Hydration. Concentrated antioxidants, rich in seaweed extract and marine collagen, it’s a great way to round off the day and be ready to face the next one with peak skin. $119.99 for a box of eight sheet masks, from syreneskincare.co.nz 4. Drunk Elephant’s mission is to deliver clinically-effective, biocompatible skincare formulated with the very best in synthetic and natural ingredients. F-Balm Electrolyte Waterfacial Masque hydratant is a cooling, quenching, overnight electrolyte cocktail of a mask, designed to plump and restore. $92, meccabeauty.co.nz 5. ‘Sans’ means ‘without’ in French, though Sans [ceuticals] are made right here in beautiful New Zealand. Sans is without any nasties, and its Goji Body + Face Cleansing Oil is without peer. Massaged into damp skin, the oil takes on a lovely milky texture. Goji berry gives an antioxidant boost, while the formula maintains skin pH. $58 from sansceuticals.com 6. A longtime lover of This Works Pillow Spray, the Magpie is splashing this around her evening bird bath. This Works Deep Sleep Shower Gel, $49, meccabeauty.co.nz 7. All that hand-washing leaving you dried out? Replenish with Aēsop Resurrection Aromatique Hand Balm. Mandarin rind, rosemary, cedar Atlas along with skin-softening emollients deliver rich hydration. $40, from aesop.com/nz 8. Wings clipped? Let Paris come to you. The limited edition Diptyque Paris en Fleur candle is a tribute to the parfumier’s home city. Creative inspiration was drawn from the roses that flourish in Le Parc de Bagatelle and scents of the Marché aux Fleurs. And so pretty too, with artwork by Pierre Marie. $118 for 190g candle, instore at Mecca and from meccabeauty.co.nz 9. Pucker up! This delightfully soothing, non-sticky lip treatment of Japanese peach softens, smooths and gives your lips a little plump while generally improving condition over time. Tatcha The Kissu Lip Mask, $49, meccabeauty.co.nz 10. Auckland medical herbalist Sophia Goodare and friend Margaret Hawker have teamed up to created the Functional Anxietist, a range of blended homeopathic and floral elements to counter that old foe, stress. They’ve released a number of treatments, the ‘Weekday’ and ‘Weekend’ blends amongst them. A few sprays under the tongue, and you’re reset! $45 each, functionalanxietist.com


the conservator

Ich Bin Aus Neuseeland Peter Macky’s life cycles between Germany and New Zealand

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eter Macky has feet in two worlds, and he couldn’t be happier. The Remuera local spends six months of the year living in Berlin, where he has recently completed a decade-long restoration of an 1865 Kaiserhbahnhof, a railway station built for the use of the Kaiser. The Kaiserbahnhof, situated in Halbe, about an hour from central Berlin, is now mostly completed and hired out for weddings and special events, so when Macky is in the German capital he is back in the saddle with his other business, a cycle tour company which operates during the northern summer months. A former lawyer, Macky is also a historian and author, publishing the well-regarded Coolangatta: A Homage (co-authored with Paul Waite with photos by Sait Akkirman, Livadia Publishers, 2010), the story of the creation and then destruction of the 1914 Arts and Crafts Remuera home built by his maternal great-grandparents. He has kept meticulous records of the long process to restore the Kaiserbahnhof, and is planning to publish a book on that too. When you’re living in Berlin, what do you miss about Auckland? My friendships here, the Auckland Theatre Company and its activities: shows, events et al. The people. The beaches. The gym. Duffy Books and the 16 schools I support through the programme. And when you’re in Auckland, what do you miss about Berlin? My friendships, cycling — it’s too dangerous here in Auckland. The parks, the history, the culture, the arts scene, the club scene, in particular, the Kitkat Club. My train station, and working in its gardens, The easy access to everything — the theatres, galleries, clubs and museums are all within a short cycle from my apartment, often through the Tiergarten. I also miss the cycling business I have with my partner, Yuri Opeshko. Does absence make the heart grow fonder for a place? Definitely not. Make the most of where you are. the hobson 34


How did you and Yuri end up owning a bike tourism business? It started with our taking friends around Berlin sightseeing. It grew from there, to adding Berlin to Potsdam, which is a full day, and then Berlin to Dresden, which is four days covering 180km. Then we developed a package of all three tours, over a week. It’s all on standard bikes and the German bike paths are wonderful, so well-maintained and very pleasant to ride on. Biking around Berlin too is a cycling dream: drivers are very courteous and respectful, it’s flat, and the weather is very predictable. None of those things apply to Auckland.

What examples of German living would you like to see more of here? The tighter communities, with zero reliance on a car. You don’t want a car in Berlin, in fact it’s the last thing you want to own. The ability to walk to one of the many supermarkets, which are everywhere, and in intense competition with each other, unlike in New Zealand, where you have no choice but to drive, and then there’s zero competition. The low-density dwelling but attractive housing options too. We should not be expanding Pokeno and Warkworth. It’s madness. The German language has some very descriptive compound words. What’s your favourite? Well this one is quite fitting: Bundeseisenbahnvermögen. It means ‘federal railway assets’. Bundes is federal, eisenbahn is railroad and vermögen is capital or asset. What was the most challenging aspect of the kaiserbahnhof restoration? Incompetent professional advisers. Looking back, are you astounded at what you’ve achieved? Yes. Definitely! You’re about to leave Auckland for Berlin again. Once your selfisolation is over, what do you have planned? Relax and enjoy life, after the 10-year, all on, restoration. I’m planning to publish the Kaiserbahnhof restoration book and finish a family book. There’s an apartment within the Kaiserbahnhof that we need to furnish and arrange its Airbnb listing. We’re also going to augment the garden, and make sure it’s firmly established and survives what is likely to be another hot northern European summer. See kaiserbahnhof.com and easycyclingtours.net for more information. Peter Macky, above, outside his Auckland office. Other images: the Kaiserbahnhof was built as part of a network of stations for the use of the emperors — Wilhem I used it en route to his hunting lodge in the Halbe forest. In 1912 it became offices and accommodation, it was abandoned in the 90s. Macky's project has included removing modern additions, a new roof, repointed brickwork and extensive structural and internal restoration. The rejuvenated building opened again in August.

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the anzacs

Those

Magnificent Cameliers remuera heritage chair sue cooper reveals the brave wwI service of two remuera anzac heroes

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Men of the 15th (New Zealand) Company of the Imperial Camel Corps, photographed at Cairo in 1916. Photo: National Army Museum.The company was commanded by Lieutenant Ronald MacKenzie, who was later awarded a Military Cross in the capture of Jerusalem. Within the ranks of the 15th's brother cameliers, the 16th (New Zealand) Company, were two Remuera men, Donald Gorrie and Rupert McKenzie.

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the anzacs

T

he Imperial Camel Corps, which included two New Zealand companies, played a vital role in the Sinai and Palestine campaigns of World War I. Between 400 and 450 New Zealanders fought in the Camel Corps — 41 of them died before the two New Zealand companies were disbanded in mid-1918. Known as cameliers, the soldiers of the Camel Corps rode their camels to get to the scene of battle, but would then dismount to fight on foot. Amongst their ranks were two young Remuera men. Donald Gorrie had grown up around horses, with his mother’s Buckland family owning farms. He was a keen polo player and rode with the Pakuranga Hunt. We can only surmise what experience may have drawn his neighbourhood compatriot, teacher Rupert McKenzie, to choose to serve as a camelier. Donald Buckland Gorrie was born on April 6, 1887, to Blanche (nee Buckland) of Highwic, Epsom, and Remuera’s Henry Gorrie. Donald went to King’s College and Auckland Grammar School. After leaving school, he joined the firm of his grandfather, Alfred Buckland and Sons. Henry Gorrie was a principal of his father-in-law’s business, and young Donald stepped into the auctioneering branch. When he was 25, Donald married Gladys West, and their daughter, Lesly, was born in 1913. The family lived in Remuera, at 10 Patey St. Rupert Whitworth McKenzie was born in Remuera seven years after Donald Gorrie, on September 4, 1894, to Violet and Norman McKenzie, a schools inspector. He attended Remuera Primary School and Whangarei High School before starting at Grammar in February 1910. Like Donald Gorrie, he followed his father’s profession, studying and passing the teaching certificate at Auckland University College (later the University of Auckland) from 1912-15, spending some of his training back at Remuera Primary. New Zealand had been at war since August 1914. Donald Gorrie signed up for service in May 1916, Rupert McKenzie left his teaching post at Komata, near Paeroa, to enlist at the same time. Both men were aboard the Manuka when it steamed away from New Zealand on October 5, 1916. They were members of the 17th Reinforcements, NZ Mounted Rifles. (Gorrie had been appointed a lance-corporal, but requested to relinquish the rank.) The Rifles boarded the Morea in Sydney, arriving in Suez in mid-November. From there, both McKenzie and Gorrie transferred — presumably at their request — to the Imperial Camel Corps’ newly formed 16th Company, 4th Anzac Battalion. The 16th Company began to carry out its first long-range patrols in the Sinai desert. As the railway and water pipeline that sustained the main body of the Egyptian Expeditionary Force was extended across the northern Sinai, the patrols undertaken by the Camel Corps companies fanned out far to the south and southeast, protecting these vital strategic assets against the possibility of Ottoman raid or attack. As 1917 rolled by, the New Zealand, Australian and British cameliers fought against the Ottoman Turks, first in Palestine proper, and then from early 1918 in the Jordan Valley. (More Kiwis entered the ranks of the 16th Company in August 1917, when the 3rd and 4th battalions were combined.) While long-range desert patrol work was what the Imperial Camel Corps was best suited for, they often found themselves taking part in full-scale battles alongside the rest of the Egyptian

Expeditionary Force, especially during the Palestine campaign. Donald Gorrie had transferred back to the Auckland Mounted Rifles by October 1917, and was present at the Battle for Beersheba (officially called the Third Battle of Gaza) at the end of that month. According to official war histories, the Rifles regiment “remained, consolidating Saba until 2 November while the brigade’s other regiment and the 4th Squadron were fighting a Turkish cavalry force. On 4 November the brigade moved to Wadi El Sultan. The next day the 4th Squadron was tasked to support the Canterbury Mounted Rifles, advancing against a Turkish position eight hundred yards (730m) away. The Turks counter-attacked the Canterbury Mounted Rifles, so the 3rd Squadron was moved forward to support them and the attack was defeated. The regiment lost one man dead and four wounded during the day’s fighting. While the rest of the brigade retired to the west, the regiment remained at the front manning observation posts until 11 November, when they were relieved by the British Westminster Dragoons”. Donald Gorrie was one of the lives lost in this battle. He was killed in action in Palestine on November 7, 1917, at the age of 32. Tragically, he was the second Gorrie son to die in service of King and country — his younger brother, Lieutenant Jack Gorrie, who had enlisted with an Imperial regiment straight out of school, had been killed on the Somme in July 1916, before Donald sailed. Rupert McKenzie remained a camelier, fighting as part of the raid on Amman by British forces at the end of March 1918. This ended in failure, with the British unable to break through the last of the Ottoman defences surrounding the city, despite repeated attempts over a three-day period. During the battle, the Imperial Camel Corps’ 4th Battalion, together with the Auckland and Canterbury Mounted Rifles regiments, managed to capture the heights of Hill 3039 which overlooked the city below. The capture of this important position invited immediate retribution from the Ottoman Turks, who began to target it with heavy artillery fire. Quickly on the heels of this artillery bombardment came a series of ground assaults by Ottoman infantry determined to retake the hilltop. For the next 24 hours the 4th Camel Battalion repelled these attacks, holding on doggedly until they were ordered to retreat as part of a general withdrawal by the British force. The brave defiance of the cameliers in this action cost the 4th Battalion dearly. No 16 (New Zealand) Camel Company was particularly hard hit, losing three of its six officers, and 41 New Zealanders in total. One of them was Rupert McKenzie, killed in action on March 30, 1918, age 23. Both Rupert McKenzie and Donald Gorrie are named among the 41 New Zealanders on the official Imperial Camel Corps Memorial in the Victoria Embankment Gardens in Charing Cross, London. McKenzie was buried in the Damascus Commonwealth War cemetary. At home, his name is found on the Grammar war memorial, on the gates at Remuera Primary School, and at St David’s Presbyterian (‘the soldiers’ church’) in Khyber Pass. Gorrie is remembered alongside his brother on their parents headstone at St Andrew’s Epsom. His name is recorded on the Jerusalem Memorial, in the Jerusalem War Cemetery; on the Mt Roskill War Memorial and at St Andrew’s. In 1930, his mother presented two stained glass windows to the King’s College chapel, in memory of her sons Donald and Jack. The windows remain in place today.

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Top: Cameliers in the Palestinian desert, Archives NZ. Above left, Donald Buckland Gorrie, Sir George Grey Special Collections; the Imperial Camel Corps memorial in London, photo Brian Dare. Far left, Rupert McKenzie; left, John William (Jack) Gorrie, Donald's brother who went to England to sign up not long after he left school. He was killed on the Western Front at age 22. Both images from Sir George Grey Special Collections, Auckland Libraries.

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the curator

The Penny Edit Remuera’s Penny Calder has the fashion world following her every post

R

Penny Calder in her home office, with a glimpse of her archive of British fashion magazines.

emuera is full of hidden gems. Notso-secret gardens, pocket parks, homes sheltering collections of art or classic cars or period ephemera. An astonishing archive of vintage British fashion magazines is one such collection. Oh yes, you may think. I know someone with a stack or two of old Vogues as well. But do they have thousands of those magazines archived, indexed and regarded as a valuable resource by many of the top names in fashion? Penny Calder has turned her interest in British fashion titles into something of a second job, one done for love of the artform of fashion photography. But whereas many users of social media are happy to snap and share beautiful fashion images, Calder’s acknowledgements of the team that creates the imagery has made her @pjcalder Instagram account a ‘must follow’ for many in the industry. Wherever possible, on an @pjcalder post, there’s a number of names tagged to the image: all the original credits on the image, such as the photographer, model, the stylist who put the looks together, the hair stylist, the makeup artist. @pjcalder has, at last count, 12,800 followers. It’s not a Kardashian number, but it is a global roll of fashion tastemakers. Followers include millinery designer Philip Treacy, photographers Gilles Bensimon and Willie Christie; designers, numerous fashion and design academics, and hair stylists including Sam McKnight and Didier Malige (who is also the other half of US Vogue creative doyenne, Grace Coddington). “I think the photographers, makeup artists and hairdressers really appreciate someone is recognising them,” says Calder, speaking in her home office, which is lined with floor-toceiling bookshelves housing her library, which she estimates to be around 2550 volumes. “I did a post of an ‘80s image, the hairdresser was someone I’d never heard of, but I hunted around for his name online, and tagged him in the image. He was so over the moon, commenting that he was amazed that his work was being seen again now.” Calder’s archive in its own, large room looking to the garden may well have been a compelling reason she, husband Peter, her sister Sallyann and Jake the ginger cat fell for this house when it came on the market last year. It’s allowed Calder to source the perfect bookcases — her library had outgrown both the shelves and the spare room in their previous home — and add workspace practicalities like a table where she photographs the pages she’ll feature on @pjcalder, and another table for viewing over-sized special fashion tomes. FRANCA is open on the lectern, the voluminous Assouline edition celebrating the work of the late Vogue Italia editor, Franca Sozzani. The Sozzani book aside, much of the room’s contents are of British origin. “I’ve always loved fashion magazines and the British ones in particular, right from when I was 14 or 15.” No-one ever has room for absolutely everything, and Calder has had to make calls on what she keeps. The only magazine she regularly buys now is British Vogue, as “it seems to be churlish not to add it to the collection”. She borrows current fashion titles from Auckland Libraries, but does like to purchase niche publications that take her eye: the UK’s Gentlewoman and a French magazine with hard covers, Encens, are two favourites for the stand-out imagery they publish. At first, Calder started to post her curation on Twitter, switching over to the imagefriendlier Instagram in 2011. She times the posts the same way fashion titles do: this April, the hobson 40


the hobson 41


the curator

Above and previous page: images from some of Calder's recent posts — she tags and credits all of the details that were originally published.

she’ll be posting covers and shoots from vintage May issues. Trying to include everything is impossible, so along the way she decided to cull her collection back to the key British fashion titles of Vogue, Harpers & Queen, Tatler and Harper’s Bazaar, with a focus on the decades between WWII (her earliest edition is an August 1943 Vogue) to the end of the 1990s. This order of classifying means Calder gets to focus on what she loves best — iconic photos of the models of the day by the top photographers of the time — and skip what she likes least; the rise of the celebrity as cover model, which was a key shift in fashion magazines from the 1990s. “The quality has to justify the shelf space. I’m only adding to the collection by trying to find any missing back issues I don’t have.” That means searches on Trade Me and similar, looking out for missing volumes. Sometimes, treasures turn up very close to home. “I got a huge stack of Tatler from the 50s, 60s and 70s from Lyn Bilkey. They had a basket of back issues for sale in the shop [the Bilkey’s former Remuera fashion store, Browns]. Apparently someone gave Mr Bilkey a subscription to Tatler years back, and when they were moving house they found boxes of them. I negotiated a price for the whole lot!” Four days a week, Calder is the chief operating officer of a busy call centre. She’s long worked in management or admin roles, from when she was a receptionist at Gustl’s hair salon in Remuera Rd. For her outward-looking library, she’s remained close to home: grew up on Lochiel Rd, went to Baradene (back then she was Penny Jenkins), lived in the CBD for a while but otherwise is happy in Remuera, even more so now she has her purposeful, just-right space. @pjcalder has made her new friends, plenty online, but also several who started that way and have become realworld connections. One is Sam McKnight, who was an early follower. He created the hair looks for hundreds of cover shoots from the 80s to now, as well as working with design houses and being Princess Di’s personal hairdresser for seven years (he gave her the short, swept-back look for a 1995 Vogue shoot), and Calder met up with him in London when he invited her to Hair, a 2017 retrospective exhibition of his work, at Somerset House. Perhaps surprisingly, magazines’ own archives are not always complete. Office moves, ownership changes, not all publishing houses can call on a robust archive of their issues. So when McKnight was looking for one particular image to include in the exhibition, he called on Calder, as he knew she had a copy of the ’80s Tatler he needed. In the foreword to the book accompanying Hair, archivist Tory Turk from the Hyman Archive (a repository of ‘pop culture in print’) credited Calder. “The digital age has not only revived the fashion magazine . . . and produced numerous fashion-driven channels,” Turk wrote, “but it is also playing a part in the transformation of fashion history as the nostalgia of style takes on new legs. “For example, in July 2015 dedicated follower of fashion and style, Penny Calder, Instagrammed an image of model Sophie Ward in a Rebecca advertisement, from a 1982 Tatler magazine. Photographer Tony McGee took the image, Linda Cantello is credited for the make-up and Sam McKnight the hair — each image maker has been ‘tagged’ by Calder. A hairstyle important to McKnight had been living in Calder’s fashion shelves at her home in New Zealand, released by social media, the ‘tag’ function allowing her to play the archivist and become part of a crowd-sourced history of the role of hair in fashion magazines.” Turk went on to note that “the Library of Alexandria burned down on three occasions, in 48 BC, AD 273 and AD 640. Physical material is arguably best preserved digitally”. Calder is doing just that, spending her days off sorting and photographing images for her Instagram feed, which has now surpassed 15,500 posts. She curates her selection to a personal list of interest: colour, style, the story it tells. Her most popular post of the past two years are a 1960 black and white photo of Sophia Loren, the cover of Vogue from October 1945, and another black and white image, of model Jerry Hall by Norman Parkinson, from the May 1975 Vogue. “Before social media, these would have just been images in magazines on shelves in my bedroom. Now, they’ve taken on a life of their own.” — Kirsty Cameron Follow Penny on @pjcalder, #thePennyEdit #myfashionbookshelves the hobson 42


the sound

Smug Marrieds

A

couple of big albums from big players came across my desk a few weeks ago. Both released on the same day. Both long awaited and highly anticipated. And both kinda sucked. The first came from Justin Bieber and it's called Changes. Lot expected from this one. The Canadian wunderkind all of a sudden is 26, so I might retire the boy-wonder thing. The man-boy who last released an album five years ago, which is an eternity when you’re only 26. The petulant lad with a pitch-perfect voice which he autotunes just for effect, which appears to be totally pretentious to these ears. You might be starting to realise from the tone of my comments that I’m not one of the Bieb’s peeps. I met him 10 years ago, at ACG Strathallan College in Karaka of all places. Justin was all of 16 years of age and in his first year of superstardom following the enormous success of “Baby”. He was on a PR world tour, and part of it was kids being asked why Justin Bieber should sing at their school. A student from Strathallan won, so Justin Bieber trekked out to a private school in the countryside to play his first ever gig in New Zealand, a gig, which has to be the most privileged, middle class rock ‘n’ roll event for teens ever. It meant that 500 kids, some staff and a handful of media types, including me, witnessed the great occasion in the Strathallan gymnasium. In Karaka. And to be fair, he was pretty amazing and the kids melted down. But earlier a few of us saw him sneak a charity chocolate bar. Challenged, he skulked. Later, he was demanding his security crew find him an American diner, and he spent time clearing restaurants because, heaven forbid, he have to dine with real people. He was 16. So I’ve always thought him an entitled brat but I had some sympathy three years ago. The craziness of worldwide adolescent fame got to the boy. He called off his tour and hid. Until now. Now he’s married, to model Hailey Baldwin, daughter of Stephen Baldwin, the actor. So far, so un-normal. But he really is IN LOVE. And this new album, Changes, is all about him growing up, getting married, being adult, being an artist. Which is why the first big single is called “Yummy”. Yummy! Puh-lease. I find the whole song a childish exercise. It’s produced by a guy called Poo Bear! Puh-lease. To be honest, I found the whole album to be quite disturbing. It kinda works on a song by song basis, and there are radio hits, and it debuted at Number 1 in the US; so by all the metrics it’s a success. But there’s a dullness of the spirit here. Justin sings of love for Hailey, but it’s all about what she does for him. She makes him happy, she supports, she’s yummy (bleargh). But there’s nothing about how he feels, how he’s changed, or grown. It’s the processed confessional of a pop star who’s found someone completely dedicated to his personal OK-ness. Sorry Justin. It just ain’t love and the insincerity of the lyrics combined with the artificiality of the production makes the thing horribly superficial. Which brings me to the second album from a newly married man. Tame Impala have finally followed up their mega-smash album Currents, which was also released five years ago. The Slow Rush is rather a poke in the ribs for the fans who have been waiting so long. Tame Impala are a band out of Perth, but the reality is that they’re really a one man band by a guy called Kevin Parker

So cute, but the music? Mr and Mrs Biebs, as pictured on @justinbieber

who’s a producing and engineering whizz (Gaga’s hired him) and who hires a band of players after each album. Over the past five years, they’ve gone global with the success of songs like “Elephant” and “Let It Happen” — they now headline Coachella. For The Slow Rush, Parker parked himself in his home studio in Fremantle and finished it off in LA. His perfectionism and the time he’s had to make the album shows in the music and production, which is as detailed as a symphony and sometimes just as long — he’s producing eight-minute songs with three movements. Over the top come the lyrics, inspired by his recent marriage. And this is where it all goes wrong. He muses on living together for the next 50 years. Sweet. But two of the songs discuss whether or not they should buy a house in Miami. First World problem. All sung in Kevin’s wussy falsetto. It’s music for milksops. All I can hear is Bridget Jones banging on about “smug marrieds”. So two big artists, and two saccharine, schmaltzy borefests about marriage. Maybe I am too cynical in my old age, but to be fair I felt the same about John Lennon’s Double Fantasy. A sickly sweet album, only saved by the 20 years of genius before it and the tragic murder of Lennon, which made his marital happiness a blessing. Justin Bieber and Kevin Parker’s marital happiness is not a blessing to listen to. They’re bloated snoozefests. C’mon, Bridget Jones. Let’s go out, get smashed, diss Mr Darcy and get into a fight. That’s rock ’n’roll. — Andrew Dickens

the hobson 43


the district diary

April 2020

Photo: David Fletcher, Silent Odyssey, see Big Bike Film Night

At the time of going to print, the events on this page were still going ahead, but some may have since been postponed or cancelled. Please check with event websites directly before going to anything listed.

1 Head along to the Auckland War Memorial Museum to check out the stunning nature photography on offer at the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition. Free with museum entry, 10am-5pm, until May 10 4 The Big Bike Film Night is totally geared toward two-wheel devotees. Whether you’re in it to save the planet, to compete or just to enjoy the scenery, this programme of international cycling short films is guaranteed to inspire you to pedal more (like the cyclist in Silent Odyssey, the Faroe Islands by bike, kite and kayak, above). Academy Cinemas, 44 Lorne St, 8pm Sat, 6pm Sunday and 6pm Tuesday. There’s cycle valet parking, tickets at the door or see bigbikefilmnight.nz Magic awaits at Eden Garden as the fairies and their little houses return this weekend, joined by wizards, pirates and superheroes.

Come dressed in your favourite costume and meet the Fairy Godmother or Dumbledore in the magic grotto. 24 Omana Ave, Epsom, 9am-3.30pm, tickets at the gate both days 9 It feels like they’ve only just gone back, but today’s the last day of Term 1 for most schools The A&P and Royal Easter Show is open from today to Monday 13. There’s the animals of course, rides, food, entertainment and the always-daring Zirka Circus. ASB Showgrounds, 217 Greenlane West, 10am9pm (Monday closes 6pm), tickets at the gate 10 Good Friday 11 This one’s for the four-legged kids. The Doggy Day Out 2020 at the Parnell Baths is supporting Paw Justice this year, with 50 per cent of ticket proceeds being donated. Pet. co.nz will have free samples, vouchers, pet raffles and photography. 9-11am for small, quieter or older dogs, 11.30am-1.30pm and 2-4pm for the higher-energy types. Tickets from eventfinda.co.nz 16 The International Movie Club meets at the Parnell Library once a month and welcomes all over-18s who are open to new cultures and

the hobson 44

ideas. Free movie sessions, popcorn provided. Parnell Library, 5-7pm 18 If you’re feeling a bit stressed head along to Cornwall Park to learn some relaxation techniques and celebrate World Tai Chi and Qigong Day. It’s a free, family-friendly event run by Kia Ora Tai Chi, and beginners especially are welcome. At the Native Arboretum, Cornwall Park 9.30-11am It’s not a Kiwi backyard if it hasn’t hosted a game of cricket, and the Goodtime Pie Co’s 2020 Backyard Bash Finals see the best of the best battle it out. You can register a team for this R18 event at backyardbash.co.nz, spectators free. Ellerslie Racecourse, 10am-6pm 25 Anzac Day observed. Public holiday follows, on Monday 27 Your May edition of The Hobson distributes from this weekend 28 Term 2 begins


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the cryptic by māyā

Set by Māyā. Answers will appear in our next issue, May 2020. Can’t wait, or need help? Visit https://thehobsoncrossword.wordpress.com ACROSS 1 7 11? (5) 4/35 Sleepy creature has choice of diamonds or a grand by English river (8) 6 See 18 Down 9 Arriviste makes more attractive-looking, but in the wrong order (7) 10 Post boy not starting prune (7) 11 See 7 Down 12/5 A 1 across production — from ‘Top Hat’, perhaps? (5,6) 13 Mine entrances commercial objects (5) 16 See 27 17 12 chap 30 met — first to know when the sun was shining on the sea? (6) 19 See 18 Down 20 27 16 Drew on Jon Pertwee’s roadster ‘Bessie’, they say (6) 22 Pass the Spanish part of church (6) 24 Advantage to fool alien? (5) 27/16 “Running rat race holding what could make you larger or small”— 30’s advisor (11)

29 About Geller in the Roman Catholic Church administration . . . (5) 31 Artist’s impertinent gaze about about about about (2,5) 32 Luther has one drink (7) 33 We, do bad things? Like a hole in the head! (5) 34 See 18 Down 35 See 4 DOWN 1 Conned by Gordon Sumner? (5) 2 Set up place for horse to sleep (7) 3 King and part of church stole several of the latter part of 9 (5) 4 Oldster. And ’erculean with it (6) 5 See 12 Across 6 Underneath, Saul’s half-hearted (5) 7/11 American gag misfiring around the end of Newton’s hymn (7,5) 8 Duck from Western city? (5) 13 Love Norwegian band’s backwards heraldic

version of a Spandau Ballet song in place of dash (5) 14 Computers useless after sudden recurrence of virus (5) 15 Overturned soulful singer’s clay pigeon shooting (5) 16 A breaking acidity? Ridiculous! (3) 18/34/19/27D/6A Square dwellers who, according to 11 1 across in 12 5, tell you which way to go (3,3,2,3,5,5) 21 Freezing graffiti not off Dunedin landmark (7) 23 Stitch one on union and environs (7) 25 Quiet place could change your mind (’6) 26 Root I own back in school (6) 27 See 18 28 Coral Queen leaving the joints? (5) 29 About doctor’s order for disc . . . (2-3) 30 Ace without 51 finally identified a pack of cards (5)

JANUARY/FEBRUARY CRYPTIC CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 9/10/7 Burning a hole in one's pocket, 11 Chokers, 12 Ballet, 13 Koan, 15 Slice of Heaven, 17 Steed, 19 Islam, 20 Lofted, 22 Sparta, 25 Lee Majors, 26 Woodstock, 29 Endrun, 31 Grippe, 32 Prove, 34 Putty, 36 Foreign Office, 39 Lobe, 40 Ironic, 41 Raw edge, 43 Ravi Shankar, 44 Cartels. Down: 1 Mush, 2 Snake charmer, 3 In error, 4 Pheasants, 5 Alulae, 6 Fifth, 8 Redalert, 14 Throw rug, 16 Lisle, 18 Aside, 21 Droppage, 23 After-effects, 24 Djinn, 27 Civic, 28 Vigesimal, 30 Neuronal, 33 Sonatas, 35 Thesis, 37 Osorno, 38 Eight, 42 Golf.

MARCH CRYPTIC CROSSWORD ANSWERS Across: 1 Boss, 3 Moneypenny, 10 Orotund, 11 Seeming, 12 Ernie, 13 Commander, 14 Do in, 15 First names, 18 Goldfinger, 20 Bond, 23 Desperate, 26 Corfu, 27 En suite, 28 Snorkel, 29 Slingstone, 30 Dr No. Down: 1 Blofeld, 2 Spoonbill, 4 Obduction, 5 Epsom, 6 Predawn, 7 Naiad, 8 Yogurts, 9 Nukes, 16 Stevenson, 17 Moonraker, 18 Gadgets, 19 Fleming, 21 Double-o, 22 Actor, 24 Sushi, 25 Agent.


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