5 minute read
It’s Ok to Say You’re not Ok
by Thadeus Giedd It’s Ok to Say You’re Not Ok
Those were the first words of a post I wrote a year ago on my Facebook page. It was a public statement I felt necessary to make, but I hated sharing the inner workings of myself at the same time. After sharing, though, the comments were flooded with understanding. And I used my public acknowledgment to friends, family, and colleagues, as well as my own will, to make changes and take those micro steps to be better. Backing up slightly, in mid-2021, my wife Chelsea and I were placed our baby by way of adoption. After infertility struggles and
having a first adoption fall through, we suddenly received a notification that a birth mother had selected us as parents. The year was full My life completely changed “ of rollercoaster emotions, and there was an absolute honeymoon phase of becoming first-time parents the way we did. But about nine months in on the journey of this year, and I’m parenthood, new realities also juggling those came. ongoing changes. Many people talk about the amount of happiness that occurs with a child coming into their lives, and they are exactly right. Adopting our son has brought the most joy I’ve ever experienced. But for me,
I also feel expunged of some happiness. There are two sides to a coin with becoming a parent, and I don’t feel we talk about it enough. For as long as I can remember, I lived a life of activeness and independent freedom. And that just
isn’t the case anymore. I made new “priorities for my son, and a lot of the “free time” things I used to be a part of are now sacrificed. My life completely changed this year, and I’m juggling those ongoing changes. I think I’m going to be alright. I’m very optimistic. This is all a part of necessary navigation on the blue planet, right? I share this because after 5,000 responses of “Good” when asked “How are you?” during the day, it feels authentic to say, “Not great” one time. Depression is different for every single person. I have not been to a level of being prescribed anti-depressant medications, but I know those are helpful for a large portion of people. My depression bouts are unique to me but sharing them with those around me when the time comes does offer some boost where boosts are so needed. It isn’t an embarrassment to be in a lull. While it feels awful, what’s worse is sitting in it longer than it needs to be. I hope others can find their ‘boosts’ and not feel hesitant about their own sharing. l It isn’t an embarrassment to be in a lull. While it feels awful, what’s worse is sitting in it longer than it needs to be.
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Parenting is hard, and if you are like any of the parents who have sat in my office, there are days you want to give up. Meltdowns, tantrums, whining, and defiance are exhausting to deal with and often leave parents at their wit’s end, even becoming the type of parent they never wanted to be.
If you are in these shoes, know that you are not alone, you are not failing as a parent, and we are here to help you navigate these difficult times.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is a therapeutic intervention specifically developed for children ages 2 to 7 with behavioral issues. I have seen this intervention change the lives of many families, with parents saying:
• They enjoy being around their child again. • The house is much calmer. • They are no longer afraid to take their child in public. • They now know how to manage behaviors when they do occur.
PCIT can be done in the office or over telemedicine (Zoom), with studies showing they are equally effective. The approach uses in-the-moment coaching of skills to help you manage your child’s behaviors along with repairing your strained relationship. During the session, the therapist observes from a separate space and coaches the parent through an earpiece while the parent and child are playing. PCIT typically takes 16-20 weeks with a one-hour session weekly.
If you dread picking your child up from daycare, get anxious when you get a phone call for fear it may be the school calling about behaviors again, or just want more tools to help raise your child, please reach out to us. l
From the experts at Sanford fit BIG THE CHALLENGE OF FEELINGS
BIG feelings can be challenging for kids, and their caregivers! Often when kiddos are struggling, we just want to fix it, and make the stressful experience go away. Although our intentions are good, this isn’t ideal. Helping kids understand and cope with big feelings can be tricky but it’s also a crucial part of parenting. Children who can understand and manage their emotions are more likely to express how they’re feeling in a safe way, become resilient, and better able to handle life’s ups and downs. So where to start? Next time your child appears overwhelmed, try this!
1. Label the Emotion:
2. Validate and Support:
“It’s ok to feel that way, I’m here for you.”
3. Offer a Coping Strategy:
“Can I help you shrink this big feeling?” “Would you like to____ or ____ ?” • Start by giving your child two options to choose from to avoid overwhelming them with choices - Take some deep breaths together - Color a picture - Talk more about how you’re feeling - Listen to music - Look at pictures of a happy memory Kids are allowed to have bad days, just like you. No one is bad because they had a bad day, we are all learning. Hang in there, you’re doing great!
