DEAR INDY

Dear Indy Presents: DEMONS

They bury themselves in the murky caverns of our souls. They sink their gnarled, grimy claws into the most vulnerable recesses of our minds. They emerge from the past to haunt us into the present, and they refuse to be ignored. The great artists of every generation, from Dostoevsky to Imagine Dragons*, have wrestled with them…and now it’s my turn to join the battle.

Dear Indie, My roommate won’t stop singing. Love, Noise-Cancel Culture

Dear Noise-Cancel Culture,

Start a Pitch Perfect-style riff-off and win. Alternatively, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If you're the one to suggest a duet, that should give you the power to at least pick a good song, like "Like a Prayer" by Madonna.

Dear Indie, I matched with my ex on Tinder. Love, Rekindling

Dear Rekindling,

Don’t you dare message them “funny seeing you here lol." You know you—you already did it, didn't you. Fine, just keep your correspondence confined to Tinder. If things escalate to iMessage, the demon wins.

Dear Indie, I called my professor "mom" two weeks ago. Love, Freudian Slip

Dear Freudian Slip,

This is a sign to call your mom and tell her you miss her. I don’t think that will help the embarrassment of having called your professor “mom.” But it would be nice.

Dear Indie, The annoying kid in my English class keeps asking to get lunch. Love, Hardo-phobia

Dear Hardo-phobia,

Maybe it’s time to overcome your prejudice. Get lunch with them and you’ll probably have a super interesting conversation about Jonathan Franzen. If you really don’t like Jonathan Franzen, you can just say “Yes totally! I’ll text you!” until the end of time.

Dear Indie, I’m a basketball player, but, deep down, what I really want to do at Brown is theater. Love, Troy Bolton

Dear Troy Bolton,

With a little time management, you can make both work. If that’s too much, get your friends to hack the power in the gym so you can make it to callbacks. If that’s too much, try 24-Hour Plays?

Dear Indie, I had a weird dream about my TA and I now can’t look at them the same way during section. Love, Suspicious Of My Subconscious

Dear Suspicious Of My Subconscious,

Why do you need to look at them the same way? Embrace that demon. Lean into the strangeness of your subconscious. When they call on you during section, smile knowingly, even if you get the answer wrong.

*Taylor Swift, too, if you count "Haunted."