DEAR INDY

Dear Indy Presents: Winter Woes

Happy December! It's the most wonderful time of the year, and by "wonderful," I mean terrible and everything sucks. My lips are so chapped. My hair looks bad when I wear a hat. My snow boots are ugly. I've fallen ill with probably whatever ailment Tiny Tim had in A Christmas Carol—I just blew my nose into a Ratty napkin. Earlier today I coughed in the Hay, and it echoed super loud and everyone looked at me (and not in the usual "who's that hot stranger" way, which shows you how dire things are). Let me give you advice, I guess.

Dear Indie, It's cuffing season, and I am not cuffed. Usually I don't feel pres-sure to be in a romantic relationship, but the holidays always make me wish I had someone to share them with. How can I make sure my loneliness doesn't interfere with my holiday cheer? Love, Blue Christmas

Dear Blue Christmas,

You know those Hallmark holiday movies that everyone makes fun of, where the high-powered big-city lawyer woman comes home for the holidays, reunites with an old flame who is usually some kind of farmer (or at least wearing overalls for some reason), and then rediscovers the meaning of Christmas/love/ethics after confessing that her company was going to turn the old flame's family homestead* into a shopping mall, ultimately sacrificing her job to prevent the deal from going through? First of all, if you watch enough of those movies, the idea of wintertime romance as a whole will start to seem like a bad plot device, which might be enough to cure you of your holiday heartsickness.

But my main point is: there's nothing about the holidays that is inherently romantic! Any message you've received to the contrary has been manufactured by a company trying to sell you chocolate. Let's be real, the best genre of holiday movie is actually the "fun dysfunctional family" one. Revel in the childhood nostalgia, the weird traditions you have with the people you've known forever, the dancing-snowman-patterned pajama set that's too unsexy to wear in front of a romantic prospect, but, if we're being real, kicks ass. Watch a bunch of terrible movies with your family and make fun of the high-powered big-city lawyer woman or the love interest in overalls, because isn't that the true meaning of Christmas?

Dear Indie, It's that time in the semester. It gets dark at, like, 4 p.m. How am I supposed to find the motivation to keep doing work/making plans with people/functioning? Love, Daylight Savings Victim

Dear Daylight Savings Victim,

I hate to have to invoke this word, as trite and abused and overused as it is, but I see no other option: it's time to romanticize. In this case, you need to romanticize the darkness, the gray weather, the patch of ice you kind of slipped on in front of a restaurant window where everyone could see you stumble and you had to sort of make an exaggerated gesture to show you were okay—all of it. This time of year is moody and brooding, and something about the cold air makes feelings more intense, more introspective. Start journaling about those intense feelings and maybe you'll end up with a cool prose poem! Take control of your urge to stay in bed; work toward making your vibe "cozy" instead of "recluse spiraling into madness." Light a pine- or pumpkin-scented candle (BUT NOT IF YOU LIVE ON CAMPUS!!!). Do your homework in a library as the snow falls outside and tell yourself that it feels like Hogwarts a little bit! Just because everything is moody doesn't mean it has to be lonely. Invite your friends Dear Hot and Cold, over to partake in journaling/prose-poeming/ cozying/candle-lighting (NOT ON CAMPUS)/ You don’t have to show skin to homeworking. Hey, the earlier it gets dark out, look sexy. The social confidence and the sooner you can start a movie night! bodily comfort of a person wearing a And isn't there something about a 4 p.m. turtleneck sweater on the dance floor sunset that just takes your breath away? can be very magnetic. Otherwise, you know what your options are: sacrifice your jacket to the basement gods; drink yourself an extra layer of warmth (responsibly!); do none of the above, which won’t guarantee your status as hottest person at the party, but will definitely guarantee your status as hottest person at the party who also has hypothermia.

Dear Indie, Now that it's winter, how am I supposed to stay warm and look sexy when I go out? Love, Hot and Cold

Dear Hot and Cold, You don't have to show skin to look sexy. The social confidence and bodily comfort of a person wearing a turtleneck sweater on the dance floor can be very magnetic. Otherwise, you know what your options are: sacrifice your jacket to the basement gods; drink yourself an extra layer of warmth (responsibly!); do none of the above, which won't guarantee your status as hottest person at the party, but will definitely guarantee your status as hottest person at the party who also has hypothermia.

* Interchangeable with family bed-and-breakfast, family pine tree farm, family bakery, family sea-sonal cheese shop, etc.