DEAR INDY PRESENTS...THE PDA SCALE

from The College Hill Independent — Vol. 45 Issue 3

BEYOND LOVE AND LOSS

Dear Indy Presents...THE PDA SCALE

Dear Indie,

I read your column about seduction last week and decided to take your advice. You must really be a genius of love, because it worked! I now have an official boyfriend. I’m ecstatic, but there’s one problem. My friends have been making fun of my boyfriend and me for our “excessive” PDA. I can’t tell if they’re joking or if it’s a serious problem. I like being openly affectionate, but I don’t want to be one of *those* couples. Where’s the line? How much PDA is really too much?

Kisses (or maybe just hugs),

Pretty Desperate Amateur

Dear Pretty Desperate Amateur,

You’re right—I am a genius, and like all geniuses, I like to sit around and draw diagrams in my free time. I strive for constant innovation, for new and powerful ways to express deeply complex ideas. In order to conceptualize something as abstract as the social appropriateness of public displays of affection, I’ve created a simple yet elegant system, one straightforward to use yet sophisticated in the information it provides.*

*INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE

The PDA scale only requires you to answer three questions:

1. On a scale of 1–10, how public is your display of affection? Consider how many people might be subjected against their will to your happy relationship.

2. On a scale of 1–10, how much of your public affection is a display? Consider whether you’re trying hard to keep it on the down low (maybe literally, like under the table), or whether you’re metaphorically holding up a big sparkly banner that says LOOK, I’M KISSING A DUDE IN THE BLUE ROOM RIGHT NOW!

3. On a scale of 1–10, how much affection is being publicly displayed? Consider me intrigued.