Finesse My Life I am guilty of a lot of things. Being a sinner saved by grace, I have sinned a lot. One of the mistakes I've made in my life was not forgiving myself sooner and allowing thoughts of guilt and shame (amongst others) to invade my mind for too long. My mind started playing tricks on me and self-destructing thoughts were plaguing me by the minute. But, I held on to this scripture and a hope in the almighty God that kept me in a time of turmoil, confusion and chaos. I tell people all the time, “If it had not been for the Lord by my side I would be locked up in either a mental health facility or a women's reformatory”. My life went from being picturesque to a horror film in the matter of minutes. And we can all say what we “coulda”, “woulda”, “shoulda”… Until we are faced with a circumstance, we honestly don’t know what we are capable of. Some situations make us question everything around us. Even ourselves… Through my process, I dealt with zillions of emotions. I have rode a roller coaster through guilt, shame, pride, blame, anger, disengagement, fear and finally acceptance. I have a high level of emotional intelligence that enables me to adjust my emotions and adapt to environments with the proper self-awareness, and self-management coupled with social awareness and relationship management. My emotional balance and empathy enables me to put myself into other people's shoes and to be aware of their feelings and also the fact that my words could hurt and/or heal in a situation. I am in a constant state of healing. In order to succeed, I held fast to some scriptures that kept me in my right mind. I am very hopeful that the principles I used to get to a place of acceptance and on the road to emotional freedom can also help you. I hope this e-book can allow you to forgive someone who has offended you. And more importantly forgive yourself for whatever role you played in the offense. You are worth it! When I was go through tumultuous times in my life, I tend to seclude myself and become isolated. I selfishly
didn’t allow people to comfort me. I was ashamed of my choices and I was embarrassed of the judgement that I felt from others. I put on a façade and acted as if everything was okay because I didn’t want any “pity parties”. I didn’t want the attention because that meant my motives would likely be exposed. I tried to portray the loving wife as if I hadn’t done anything wrong. I made it seem like there was no fault in me. I thought if I could keep people at bay long enough they wouldn’t recognize the real core of me. Yet, my true healing couldn’t take place without getting to the root causes of my brokenness. And the roots were deeply planted in selfishness. I was selfish. And admitting that was painful. Because it meant that I was responsible. My selfishness caused my brokenness. I had to be willing to acknowledge and admit the ugliest parts of myself. And, in doing so, I got the release I needed. I now walk in victory despite my circumstance. After months of being in a low place, I was finally able to allow forgiveness to come into my heart. I forgave myself and others, got rid of the guilt, asked for forgiveness and kept it moving.
If you can identify with any of these emotions, it is quite possible that you too are broken. Once you recognize them, it is essential that you acknowledge it, forgive yourself and stop being broken.
GUILT For there is therefore no condemnation for them who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1). Guilt is an emotion that is meant to bring awareness and regret. When I first felt it, I didn’t recognize it. I dwelled on it for a little while. And I allowed it to grow into a blame game negatively criticizing myself and others. I quickly found out that condemnation is not healthy nor is it of God and it seldom leads to a solution. I had to reflect, repent and move on. The opposite of condemnation is conviction. Conviction results in agreeing with the circumstance, learning from it and altering your behavior. So, instead of allowing myself to be condemned, I accepted the forgiveness of God and allowed conversion to take place in my heart.
SHAME If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9) Shame is deeply rooted in selfishness. When I was ashamed, I cared too much about my image and I wasn’t willing to allow people to see the true me. I was hiding and allowing my opinion to overshadow my need for deliverance. In writing this book, I started to acknowledge my wrong and release my ego and high self-regard. I realized in doing so, I gained a higher level of self-respect and clean conscience.
PRIDE Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18) Arrogance is ugly. Conceit is obnoxious. Confidence is more classy, but practical. I wavered between the three and justified my actions discounting others perception as if they didn’t matter. I was so puffed up and high minded that I couldn’t distinguish my own faults from others. Like Kirk Franklin said in a video blog, “Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to see that God is the rock at the bottom!” Once I fail, I was able to build a more solid foundation with Jesus being the center and not myself. I now understand that He is my source and not just a resource.
BLAME Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless. (2 Peter 3:18) It became very effortless for me to play the victim in this situation. I was easily able to see everyone else’s faults and accept this little sense of innocence, as if I had done absolutely nothing wrong. It wasn’t until the Holy Spirit reminded me of my mess and allowed me to reflect that I finally agreed. Because I was looking for culpability in others, I was not accountable for my own thoughts and motives. When I stopped looking at what everyone else had done wrong, I was able to look at myself and accept responsibility for my actions.
ANGER Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (Ephesians 4:26) I had become infuriated at times to the point of actually plotting murder. I wanted vindication and I was not waiting to see what the law of even God could do. I wanted to execute immediate and harsh punishment.
DISENGAGEMENT Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! (Psalms 133:1) When I was going through my lowest times, I just wanted to seclude myself and act as if my world was fine. I tried to ignore the inevitable and praise my way through. But, it didn’t work because I needed to address the issues and accept the consequences of my actions. And sometimes the penalties of my sin weren’t pleasant nor easily acceptable
FEAR Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalms 23:4) I volleyed from fear and hope too many times. There were times when everything would be going really well and then all of a sudden a thought or a threat would appear that would knock me off my square. I would feel like I was in it all alone without any help or guidance. I would start to operate in my own strength out of fear that the Lord would not answer me or intolerance of the waiting period. But, God would always send relief and assure me that He was there no matter how deserted I felt.
FINALLY, ACCEPTANCE And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) Finally, I can say that “It is what it is!� No matter what comes and what goes, I have learned to truly trust the process and have faith that the end result will be favorable because I know God is fond of me! Sometimes it is so hard to see the light in the midst of so much darkness. But, I now I have hope growing on the inside of me that is a constant reminder even in the midnight hour that there will be joy in the morning. I trust God and I know that if He allowed anything to come to me, He will also allow me to get through it successfully. There is no way He will leave me stranded because it is against His nature. And He will do the same for you!
E- Assessment
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Please tally up your score, by adding up your answers as follows: Give one (1) point for every "barely" answer, two (2) points for every "sometimes" answer, three (3) points for every "often" answer and four (4) points for every "too often".
E-Assessment Score: How Broken are you? _____ Your Total Score 50 and Below – Your responses suggest you are not broken at this time.
Having a healthy balance of your emotions and stable coping mechanisms can keep you from feeling broken. If you feel comfortable doing so, share your testimony and coping mechanisms with others. Paul tells us in Galatians (chapter 6), that “if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.” We have to be helpers to one another instead of talking about each other. Help someone else today! 51 thru 70 – Your responses suggest you may have mild symptoms of
being broken. You can try your hardest to come out of it by yourself. But the surefire way of getting delivered is to commit thyself to God. Paul tells us in second Corinthians (chapter 5) that “if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” We have to allow God to fix us back up and bring us to a new place of healing. And if you trust Him, it will happen. Rid yourself of the old way today! 71 and Above – Your responses suggest you may be exhibiting symptoms
of brokenness often. It may benefit you to seek God and wait for Him to answer. God is always speaking to us and desires to have fellowship with us. Fellowship involves talking as well as listening. We have to draw closer and become intimate with Him. Paul said in first John (chapter 1), that “If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.” When we walk in truth, we can no longer be broken. Draw closer to God today!
Broken Wife Broken Life E – Assessment Thank you for using this assessment to understand your level of brokenness. I have gone to the highest level of brokenness and I used my own advice to come to a level of peace with God and within myself. Please consider purchasing the book Broken Wife Broken Life to hear my story of brokenness and how I used this advice to come through. Also, you can contact me at (614) 595-0784 for additional information and/or consultations!