BE A HAPPY WORKING PARENT IN LOCKDOWN

WAYS TO BE A HAPPY WORKING PARENT DURING LOCKDOWN

Stepping out of the work mindset and being playful will help keep home workers and kids happy, says family expert Anita Cleare...

Being a working parent has never been easy, but a new level of difficulty has been added now many mums and dads are working from home and trying to look after their children at the same time.

Many parents will simply be managing the best they can, and planting young children in front of the TV or leaving them with an iPad to do their school work, in order to buy time to get on with their work. But it do esn 't have to be that way, says child development expert Anita Cleare.

Cleare runs the Positive Parenting Project (anitacleare.co.uk/positive-parenting-project), through which she delivers talks, workshops and coaching for parents, and has just written The Work/Parent Switch which looks at the issues working parents face, and how to overcome them.

She says: "Working parents have been told the way to be su ccessf ul is to be hyper-organised, buy five years' worth of birthday cards at once and batch-freeze meals. But that goes against the grain of what children really need from us. Good relationships with children are built on quality moments, not on constantly chivying our kids from task to task.

"To create a happy family life, working parents need to step out of our hyper-efficient work mindset and be p lay ful and curious instead, so we can tune in to our children's signals and understand the world from their point of view."

Here, Cleare suggests ways to be a happy working parent:

LEARN TO SWITCH OUT OF WORK-MODE

The biggest challenge for working parents is learning to switch between two different mindsets - work-mode and parent-mode - and now that so many parents are working from home, learning to switc h seamlessly between them is even more essential.

When we're in work-mode, we tend to be very goal-focused and task-oriented. Doing well at work means sticking to schedules, getting through tasks efficiently, focusing on outcomes and always keeping up the pace.

They need emotionally-attuned parents who are curious and playful and empathetic, who can slow down and prioritise connecting and listening over getting the job done. Children are naturally chaotic and focused on the moment. If we approach them stuck in our efficiency-focused work-mode, we quickly get frustrated with them.

M AKE S PACE FOR PLAYFULNESS

Playfulness is an essential ingredient in happy families. Children and adults need it. If you take the playfulness out of parenting, all you're left with is drudgery.

Playfulness isn't the same as doing lots of activities. Cajoling a herd of children in and out of the car to ballet rehearsals and football matches when lockdown is over doesn't add up to a fun family life.

Simila rly, while we might be stuck indoors a bit more at the moment, a bit of silliness is good for everyone.

Playfulness is the pixie dust that makes our lives feel lighter. It fuels children's development, makes parenting enjoyable, strengthens family bonds and boosts everyone's wellbeing. Creating more space for playfulness will give you room to breathe, to relax, to laugh a little more (and shout a littl e less) and enjoy being a member of your family.

PRIORITISE QUALITY MOMENTS

When we're stuck in 'get-the-job-done' work-mode, we tend to focus on all those tasks that need completing during family time. Feeding, washing, laundry, spellings homework, reading, telling off, chasing down lost items...

But families are made up of relationships, not tasks. If we shift our thinking about parenting away from a li st of activities to be completed or a project to be undertaken and see our job as parents in terms of building relationships with our children, that opens the door to a very different dynamic.

Building a relationship isn't a job that can be ticked off a 'To Do' list. It's about small choices we make on a day-to-day level. It's about chatting and laughing and slowing down for a few minutes to listen when ou r child has something to say - really listen with all our attention, not just half our brains. Because it's through listening that we connect with our children on a deeper level and get to know them. Building relationships isn't about large quantities of time, it's about quality moments.

USE YOUR ATTENTION SMARTLY

Mustering the energy to manage wayward children on top of working is a big challenge. Wh en we're busy, it's easy to slip into the trap of ignoring children when they're being good and overreacting to behaviour we don't like. Your attention means everything to your children, and they'll do pretty much anything to get it.

Working parents are often racked with guilt about not being able to give their children enough attention. But it's not how much attention we give that's the crucial issue, i t' s where we direct it. Creating a happy family dynamic isn't about finding extra hours

SET CHILDREN UP TO SUCCEED

Avoid constant firefighting by setting some clear, simple and positive ground rules. Children are used to having golden rules at school or nursery, so have some at home too. Th e best rules help children focus on what good behaviour looks like so they can do it more often.

If the kids are constantly bickering, introduce a ground rule like 'be a team' to encourage alternative behaviour. If mean comments are the issue, then 'use kind words' might be a good rule. Or, if physical aggression is the problem, 'be gentle'. Use praise and attention smartly to positively reinforce the be haviou r you want to encourage.

DON'T TRY TO DO IT ALL

Parental involvement is a great thing. But taking over and doing too much for our children isn't good for them. And it also risks stretching parents beyond what's humanly possible. In order to develop good self-esteem and life skills, children need to do things for themselves, to make mistakes and to learn from their failures.

Running around picking up af ter children who are old enough to do things for themselves is not an act of love, it's an act of developmental sabotage. And it means you'll never have enough time to enjoy being a member of your family.

Sometimes, when it comes to parenting, less really is more.

National Vegetarian Week

Get your taste buds ready for National Vegetarian Week 2020 which runs from 11th - 17th May. It’s all about eating delicious and exciting veggie food and promoting the benefits of a meat-free lifestyle. So sink your teeth into or range of delicious dishes and go vegetarian for just one week.

VEGAN MINI SHALLOT BHAJIS WITH MINTED YOGURT

Spicy and crispy, these little bite sized bhajis are great for a party or as part of an Indian feast.

Mak es: about 16 bite-sized bhajis Preparation time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 15 minutes You’ll need:

For the bhajis: 400g shallots, thinly sliced 1 tsp salt 175g gram flour (chickpea flour) 1 long red chilli, finely sliced 1 tbsp nigella (black onion seeds) 1/2 tsp turmeric

about 200ml cold water vegetable oil, for deep frying for the minted yoghurt: 200g coconut yoghurt (or other dairy-free yoghurt) 4 sprigs mint, leaves picked and chopped 1 clove garlic, crushed salt and freshly ground black pepper

What to do:

Add the shallots to a mixing bowl and sprinkle over the salt, stirring well to mix. Set aside for a few minutes to allow the salt to slightly soften the shallots. Mix up the dip by adding the yogurt, mint, garlic and salt and pepper to a small bowl, stirring well to mix. Set aside. Add the flour, chilli, nigella seeds and turmeric to the shallots, stirring well to combine. Stir through just enough water to bring the mixture together so a thick batter forms around the shallots, about 200ml. Set aside to rest whilst you heat up the oil. Pour enough vegetable oil into a large deep saucepan so that it forms a 4-5cm layer. Turn on the heat and bring the oil up to 180°C, using a meat or jam thermometer to measure the temperature. If you don’t have a thermometer, drop in a little slice of the shallot, it should sizzle instantly. Alternatively, you can cook in a deep fat fryer, setting the dial to 180°C. When the oil is hot enough, use a heaped teaspoon to scoop up the bhaji mix, then use another teaspoon to slide the mixture directly into the oil, working with care so the oil doesn’t splash. Repeat until you have added about 4-6 bhajis and fry for about 3-4 minutes until crisp and golden, carefully flipping over with a palate knife halfway through cooking. Scoop out with a slotted spoon and drain on kitchen paper whilst you repeat with the rest of the mixture. As soon as all the bhajis are cooked, serve with the bowl of minted yogurt. Credit: www.ukshallot.com

BERRYWORLD RASPBERRY, BLACKBERRY, PEACH, ALMOND BUTTER AND YOGHURT SMOOTHIE

Packed full of berry goodness, this smoothie is a hit when it comes to texture and flavour.

Serves: 2 Prep time: 5mins You’ll need:

A punnet of BerryWorld raspberries A punnet of BerryWorld blackberries A peach Almond butter Coconut yoghurt

What to do:

Put a handful of raspberries, a handful of blackberries and a chopped peach into a blender or smoothie maker. Add a dollop of almond butter and a dollop of coconut yogurt then whizz until smooth. Add a little water or milk if it’s too thick. Credit: www.berryworld.com

RADISH AND CELERY GOODNESS BAGEL

Crunchy and fresh, this made-in-minutes toasted bagel with hummus and crisp veg is a really quick idea for a healthy lunch or snack.

Serves: 2 Prep time: 5 minutes Cooking time: 2-5 minutes You’ll need:

2 seeded bagels 120g hummus 1 stick of celery, sliced 4-6 radishes, sliced ½ avocado, de-stoned, peeled and sliced ½ pack salad cress

What to do:

Toast the bagels. Spread one side of each bagel thickly with the hummus. Top with layers of the sliced celery, radish, avocado, then finish with some salad cress. Credit: www.lovecelery.co.uk

ISLE OF WIGHT TOMATO RISOTTO Serves: 4 Preparation time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 1 hour You’ll need:

450g fresh whole Campari tomatoes or similar 2 cloves garlic, peeled and halved ½ tsp sugar Salt & pepper 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 800ml chicken or vegetable stock 15g butter 1 tbsp light olive oil 2 finely chopped echalion shallots 2 cloves crushed garlic 1 tsp chopped fresh rosemary 200g Arborio rice 150m l dry white wine 100g mozzarella roughly chopped 30g freshly grated Parmesan plus extra for serving Chopped fresh basil for serving

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 190 degrees C. Put the tomatoes and garlic in a bowl, sprinkle with the sugar and a touch of salt and freshly ground black pepper, drizzle with olive oil and toss to coat. Lay the tomatoes and garlic halves on a baking sheet and roast for about 30 minutes or until the skins of the tomatoes have collapsed and are just starting to brown. Put the roasted tomatoes and garlic in a blender along with the chicken stock and blend until smooth then keep hot in a small saucepan. Heat the olive oil and butter in a medium saucepan. Add the shallots and cook until soft and translucent, 5-7 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for another minute. Add the rice rosemar y and salt & pepper, stir and cook for one minute. Add the white wine, bring to a boil, and boil until the wine is mostly evaporated, 2-3 minutes. Add about ¼ of the hot tomato mixture. Cook, stirring regularly, until most of the liquid has been incorporated, then continue adding a little at a time, stirring regularly as the rice absorbs the liquid (this will take 20-25 minutes). The rice will begin to swell and become creamy in texture. Stir in the mozzarella and Parmesan. Add salt and pepper to taste. If the rice is too dry, stir in a little extra hot stock. Serve immediately in wide bowls, sprinkled with freshly grated Parmesan cheese and chopped basil.

La Sablonnerie

First established in 1948, La Sablonnerie retains the characteristics of an old farmhouse built some 400 years ago and is situated on the lovely island of Sark in the Channel Islands.

La Sablonnerie is owned and managed by Elizabeth Perrée. Guests return-year-after-year to recapture the beauty of the island and to enjoy the excellent cuisine, wine, cosiness and friendliness that is evident at the hotel.

Of course being so close to the sea, freshly caught fish and famous Sark lobsters are popular specialities of the hotel. La Sablonnerie has been featured by the Which? hotel guide a s ' The place to stay in the Channel Islands', and also received the highly coveted award from Condé Nast Johansen - 'Small Hotel of the Year' as well as being nominated as their “Most Romantic Hotel” and now Les Routier’s “Hotel of the Year” Award. Needless to say, you have to visit us to find out exactly what everyone is talking about.

Arrive by ferry or private boat, horse and carriage or just shank’s pony to enjoy the charm of La Sablonnerie, a hotel of rare quality situated in the southern part of Sark, even more beautiful, remote and romantic than the rest. Nestled in gorgeous gardens, a haven for lovers of peace and tranquillity; birds, butterflies and flowers - how could one not enjoy this amazing paradise….. a stepping stone t o heaven, even if you just arrive for one of our glorious cream teas or a Lobster Salad in the garden.

Guests gather in the bar or the rose and lavender scented garden for a cocktail or a glass of champagne before dining. The bar with its roaring log fire is a convivial meeting place. After dining, guests return to the bar to sit and converse with each other. Some guests take advantage of Little Sark a s the perfect place for a moonlit walk or simply gazing at star-studded skies. Sark offers exceptional star-gazing due to its lack of light pollution.

Sark is how life used to be, it is like stepping back into an Enid Blyton book….. what dreams are made of, but still having the modern luxuries.

La Sablonnerie is a hotel of rare quality situated in a time warp of simplicity on the tiny, idyllic Channel Islan d of Sark, where no motor cars are allowed and life ambles along at a peaceful, unhurried pace. The hotel has an enviable reputation for its superb food and wines; local butter, fresh cream, meat, fruit and vegetables which, where possible, are sourced from the hotel’s own farm and gardens. The hotel accommodation is very clean and comfortable and totally geared to unhurried relaxation. The hotel has been extended and discreetly modernised to provide 22 rooms, each individual in style and décor, including a delightful Honeymoon Suite. Immaculate comfort, lovely linen, fresh flowers and fruit; room service upon request.

Excellent food and service, have ample staff that are courteous and a joy to be with, creating lots of fun and a real joie de vivre for everyone.

Contact: Elizabeth Perrée at TE L: 0 1481 832061 E-mail: reservations@sablonneriesark.com WEB: www.sablonneriesark.com

Enjoy Spring this year with the whole family, or getaway for a romantic break and enjoy one of the finest eateries in the Channel Islands.

If you are looking for a special present a gift voucher from La Sablonnerie can be purchased in any monetary value.

Choose anything from a delicious luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, an overnight stay or a champagne celebration with canapés.

Please call Elizabeth Perrée on +44 (0) 1481 832061 or E-mail: reservations@sablonneriesark.com www.sablonneriesark.com La Sablonnerie Hotel and Restaurant, Sark, Channel Islands, GY10 1SD. La Sablonnerie

TOP TIPS FOR SETTING UP A Home Office

Suddenly joined the home worker crew? Here's how to get your new workspace set up, says Luke Rix-Standing...

Once the preserve of reclusive novelists, working from home has suddenly gone from occasional to near-universal.

Recent years had already seen a shift towards more remote and flexible working, to be fair - but the coronavirus pandemic has forced countless businesses to set up shop at home.

If you're totally new to home working, chances are it's a steep learning curve. Here's how to stop grieving over th e office coffee machine, and make your home workspace feel as productive and positive as possible...

BANISH THE BEDROOM

It's tempting to start working from the comfiest spot in the house - your bed! But this possibly isn't the healthiest idea.

Conventional commuting marks a clear divide between work and home, and it's important for both your lifestyle and sanity that the distinction in some way continues. Not everyone has a choice of course, but if it's remotely possible, do not work where you sleep.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

Natural light inherently increases your energy, positivity and creativity, and is an essential tool in the battle against cabin fever.

Try to position your desk near a window, and experiment with your computer placement so that you aren't dazzled by screen glare at certain times of day.

Onc e the natural light fades, keep your workspace illuminated with well-positioned lamps, that will keep the room feeling fresh whatever the time of day. Just imagine having to spend your office hours cooped up in a poky, dimly-lit basement. Horrible.

THE PERSONAL TOUCH

If you're used to an office and enjoy heading out to work, working from home can be an irritation - but it's also a chance to assert creati ve control. Productivity permitting, you can listen to music,

wear whatever uniform you please, and design a workspace that works just for you.

You could opt for the classic family photo on your desk, or (if you're seeing enough of them at the moment!) a novelty calendar, colourful print, or attractive timepiece. Your desk likely claims the lion's share of your day, so don't worry about looting other rooms to make it feel right. All those things Karen the office m an ager said you weren't allowed in the real office - now is their time to shine.

GO FOR GREEN

Whether it's an open-plan office block or your own front room, workplace wellbeing still matters. It's been proven time and again that even low-level exposure to greenery provides a mental boost, and you might really be missing your outdoor foliage fix right now.

From spiky little cacti to large-leafed philodend ron s, there's plenty of plants that can spruce up your desk. A trip to the local garden centre is probably off the table for a while but there are lots of options for buying online and having nature delivered direct to your door.

CUT THE CLUTTER

Tempted to stock your new home desk to within an inch of its life?

Colour-coded binders, a symmetrical splay of pencil pots, a year's supply of post-its, papercli ps and Pritt Sticks, and your favourite coffee mug precariously squeezed in by your keyboard...

Everything runs like clockwork - until you have to takes notes or a phone call, and you find you're balancing your notepad on your knee.

Keep clutter to a minimum and go for 'less is more' to keep it calm and functional.

INVEST IN YOUR CHAIR

Your constant companion as you go about your day, an ergonomically soun d chair is among the most important ingredients in any effective workspace - including when you're at home.

Posture and comfort are important and hunching over your desk for hours on end is a fast-track to back and neck pain. Even for the most tight-fisted part of payroll, this is not the place to scrimp.

OPTIMISE YOUR SETUP

However, even the best chair in the world won't save your spine if your tech isn 't set up properly. Remember that the top of your computer screen should be roughly level with your eye-line. If your desk is too short, or your screen too small, use a box or stack of books to lift your machine to the right height, and use a separate keyboard for a laptop so you're not gazing downwards all day.

Every home worker runs the risk of claustrophobia, so retaining a little floor space to pace or stretch could be godsend by the end of a long week. Finally, the one thing your office is useless without - connectivity. If there are any known WiFi blind spots in your home, avoid them like the plague.