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Judaism
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A NUMBERS GAME
Dear Rabbi
The number of boys and girls born, are about the same, and I assume that this has always been so. In Genesis we find that our ancestors Abraham, Isaac and Jacob had several wives, but no woman had more than one husband. How then is it that the men could then find enough women to marry?
Henry
Dear Henry
Good question! You may be right that the average of men and women on the planet are the same – men presently account for 50.25% of the population, but that does not translate to an even balance in every individual country or race. Hence in the United States there are approximately 4.8 million more females than males while in China males outnumber females by about 36 million. On that basis there would not have been a problem assuming there are more Jewish females than males back then. Interestingly enough that still seems to be the case today where arguably it is suggested there are 8-10 females for every male in the shidduch market. Hence, the term that has become known as the shidduch crisis.
A CONVERT WITH A JEWISH MOTHER?
Dear Rabbi
I recently attended a study class in Mishna and learnt in the Tractate Bikurim about converts, where the Mishna makes a distinction between regular converts and converts with mothers of Jewish decent. If the mother is Jewish, how can the child be a convert?
Joe
Dear Joe
The Mishna is discussing the prayers recited by those whose parents may not be Jewish, particularly with reference to using the term “our forefathers” (as in the opening of the Amidah). The question arises in regard to one who is a proper convert i.e. his mother is not Jewish and he himself therefore is a full convert. How can he refer to the forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as “our forefathers?” The question would also arise for one whose mother is Jewish though his father is not. To use the term, “our forefathers” would still be problematic. The Mishna however does not refer to the latter as a convert. I hope that clarifies. Study on!
MR. AND MRS.
Dear Rabbi
Why is it that on the wedding invitations I receive I always find on the Hebrew side, parents of the bride or groom, “Yechiel Greenpepper and his wife,” as if she were his chattel, and never “Belinda Greenpepper and her husband.” Better still, why not just list Yechiel and Belinda Greenpepper as one would expect?
Dana
Dear Dana
Hey you got invited to the Greenpepper wedding, I didn’t. You take it up with them. I suspect Belinda was OK with it or the invitations would never have gone out. More to the point traditionally that’s just the way it was always done in the Hebrew though I am sure in the English you would have found both names listed. It has nothing to do with chattel and more to do with modesty
I once spoke at a Bar Mitzvah where I committed the mortal sin of referring to both parents of the Bar Mitzvah by name. Apparently I was only supposed to refer to him by name – David and his wife. In other words she and I are not supposed to be on a first name basis. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: everyone is entitled to their individual customs, behavioural patterns and points of view, and if that’s the way it works in some circles then so be it. You can always choose to go to the wedding and say, Mazal Tov Yechiel and Mazal Tov to you wife. Then again, you will likely be on the other side of the mechitza and may not be allowed to speak to her altogether. Different strokes for different folks!
CAN INTERMARRIAGE SAVE THE WORLD?
Dear Rabbi
Can you please give me some advice as to what answer I can give to my mother in law who says she is happy that her two sons have “married out?” She says this fits with her philosophy that there is too much intolerance between religions and inter-marriage will lead to better harmony and understanding and will result in less conflict.
Abe Dear Abe
If she thinks for a second that because her daughters-in-law are not Jewish this will then put paid to Anti Semitism then give her a quick lesson on the Holocaust. Moreover, if we were to take your mother in law’s reasoning to its logical conclusion then frankly, as we are the smallest of the religions, we ought to all consider converting to Christianity or Islam. That would then really ensure true harmony in the world and safeguard our future.
Trust me when I tell you she is hurting and says these things more to pacify her own conscience. It may help her to fall asleep at night but it won’t stop the nightmares when she sees an entire Jewish lineage erased further down the line.
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Pirkei Avot
He used to say: everything is given against a pledge, and a net is spread out over all the living; the store is open and the storekeeper allows credit, but the ledger is open and the hand writes, and whoever wishes to borrow may come and borrow; but the collectors go round regularly every day and exact dues from man, either with his consent or without his consent, and they have that on which they [can] rely [in their claims], seeing that the judgment is a righteous judgment, and everything is prepared for the banquet.
This is one of the more scary Mishnayot in the whole of Pirkei Avot. Very often people go through life, thinking that all is well and sunny, that they can do what they want without any care in the world. This Mishnah reminds us vividly that this is definitely not the case.
Hashem is always watching, and patiently waiting to see if mankind will repay Him for the tremendous goodness that he bestows upon him.
If not, then the ‘shopkeepers credit’ will run out. As the same way in this world people are entitled to claim their money back if it’s not paid on time, Hashem too has plenty of options to make good on His loans. Sometimes we see people suffering terribly, especially before death. However we must realise that often Hashem is clearing off any unpaid debts in the form of suffering allowing the person to go straight in to Gan Eden in the next world.
May we all merit to go to Shamayim without the need for suffering first, Amen.
Refua shleima to Yaakov ben Gutke and to Batya bat Chava Perek 3: Mishna 16
Torah from Israel
Ki Tissa: Returning to the Stage
BY RABBI MOSHE TARAGIN
The circumstances were dire. Weeks after pledging allegiance to Hashem we debased ourselves, frolicking around a calf fashioned from gold. The crashing sounds at Sinai announced a bold new message: G-d had no face and wasn’t physical or visual. Sadly, we corrupted this powerful idea by bowing to a human-sculpted creature. Rightfully, Hashem planned to replace us with a new nation- more intrepid and better suited to represent Him in this world
Moshe intercedes, heroically and desperately pleading for our survival. First, he reminds Hashem of the great founders of our people and of their historical covenant. They alone, took the great leap of faith, rising from the darkness of an ancient world cursed by savagery and muddled by religious confusion. The grandchildren of these visionaries deserve a second chance-and a third, and a fourth. Covenants are forever. They outlast betrayal and infidelity.
While praying, Moshe asserts a second appeal on our behalf. More than four centuries had been invested a grand project of forming the nation of G-d. This nascent movement began to spread- from lone ideologues to an entire clan- and ultimately to an entire nation, three and a half million strong. Finally, after 2500 years of doubt, G-d was manifest in this world- through a community of humans which acknowledged Him.
All this religious progress was now jeopardized. To eliminate that nation, after so much investment, would have reversed hundreds of years of religious innovation. The Egyptians would, G-d forbid, mock and sneer, snickering that Hashem was powerless to steward the Jews through the desert or to deliver them to their homeland. Why else would he annihilate his beloved people? Religious skeptics would shrink Hashem to “one amongst many” ancient deities. If the Jews perished in the desert, the presence of Hashem would take a “hit, and would retreat from this world. This tragedy is called a chilul Hashem, and could not be tolerated. Perhaps we didn’t deserve to be spared, but we are the people of G-d and our condition in this world directly reflects directly upon His presence. This terrible worry about a potential chilul Hashem carried the day, and ultimately, Hashem offered us repentance and reconciliation.
As the chosen people, we bear enormous weight, and we wield mighty influence upon religious history. G-d spans all reality, but we hold the key to His presence on this planet. Through our behavior we can augment or diminish that presence. Throughout history, we valiantly defended His presence even to the point of martyrdom. Swords and fire could not defeat our great faith, nor could aggression and hatred conquer the bold religious ideas we introduced to humanity.
Of course, Judaism has no death wish and we prefer to sanctify His presence through life, rather than through blood. Through our religious lifestyles we model His will. We showcase the merit of a “godly” life of commandment, morality, conscience, family and community.
During a long and dark period of history we abdicated the privilege of this “modeling”. For the past two thousand years we lived in a dreary tunnel of history. We were pushed aside to the margins of society, no longer inhabiting the front stage of history. Very few took notice of our “godly lifestyles”. We were depicted as historical castaways. When people did take notice of us, it was, typically, with rabid anger and venomous contempt. We had forfeited the opportunity to represent G-d through life, and were often called upon to represent him through death.
History has shifted. We have returned to prominence and to historical relevance. Society has welcomed us back, offering us influence and opportunity. They haven’t been disappointed. We have spearheaded modernity, revolutionizing our world while spreading prosperity. We have driven the advance of science, reason, technology, culture, economics and philosophy. We have offered the world our best light and, in doing so, have represented Hashem well.
But not always. This newfound prominence has come at a steep price. Sadly, many Jews in public roles, haven’t always risen to the occasion, and haven’t always acted as children of G-d. As a people it has yet to fully sink in: After centuries of living on the fringes of society we haven’t yet learned the consequences of living on the big stage. The world is once again paying attention to us, and we don’t always acquit ourselves well. We haven’t yet fully understood the connotations of the historical moment.
Our moral failures tarnish the presence of Hashem. We may not bow to gold idols, but modern society provides plenty of idolatrous temptations which have entrapped us. We must do a better job educating consciousness of this new reality. We live in a different era, and we can’t enter positions of leadership or public influence without realizing that our personal conduct impacts the presence of hashem.
In previous generations Jews were nervous about creating a “shander” (literally “shame” in Yiddish) or disgracing our people. Living in a fragile post- Holocaust world, we stood on shaky ground. We reasoned: better not rock the boat or cause shame and undue attention.
Thankfully, our community is well beyond the “shander” syndrome. Today buoyant Jewish communities rightfully feel confident and relatively secure. We shouldn’t strive for moral behavior based on fear of “shander”. Firstly, acting with conscience and conviction is crucial even if no one is paying attention. However the world is paying attention we must represent Hashem more capably and more nobly that we often do.
Something else has changed. Not only have Jews been restored to the societal “stage”, but our national identity has been reconstituted in Israel. Blessed with a state and with a homeland, we have crafted a democracy, a military superpower, and an bustling economy, winning us well-deserved international admiration. These accomplishments augment Hashem’s presence, as his ascendent people have bucked the odds and built a masterpiece.
Having shifted into a world in which we glorify his name at a state level, we carry even greater responsibility to reinforce this message at an individual level. We can’t dream of national representation of G-d if we don’t reflect that message in our personal lives.
One day all of humanity will gather in Jerusalem and herald G-d and His people. Let us not wait for that day. Through our conduct we are building that Jerusalem. We better not wreck that city with dishonesty or moral weakness.
The writer is a rabbi at Yeshivat Har Etzion/Gush, a hesder yeshiva. He has smicha and a BA in computer science from Yeshiva University as well as a masters degree in English literature from the City University of New York.
Weekly Dvar Torah
FROM ERETZ YISRAEL A Face-to-Face Relationship with G-d
BY DR. YAEL ZIEGLER
One of Tanach’s most astonishing anthropomorphisms describes the way that Moshe communicates with G-d: “And G-d spoke to Moshe face-to-face, as a man speaks to his friend” (Shemot 33:11). This singular relationship is so seminal to Moshe’s life that it appears again at the end of the Torah in its encapsulation of Moshe’s uniqueness (Devarim 34:10).
An electrifying description to be sure, but not one that lasts long. The thrill of this direct communication quickly fades when – just nine verses later – G-d restrains Moshe sharply, informing him that he cannot actually see the face of G-d, “for no person can see Me and live” (Shemot 33:20). The contradictions inherent in this mysterious passage cannot, perhaps, be fully reconciled; they seem designed to illustrate the tension inherent in any bid to attain closeness to G-d.
The effects of Moshe’s “face-to-face” relationship with G-d emerge in the following chapter, which features Moshe descending Har Sinai with a radiant face (Shemot 34:29). After forty days of “face-to-face” communication with G-d, Moshe’s face reflects the divine light.
Israel responds to Moshe’s ethereal glow with fear. Nevertheless, Moshe does not yield to their fright; instead of veiling himself, he draws them closer for further instructions. Moshe only veils himself after he finishes instructing the people.
Moshe’s role as conveyor of G-d’s words to the people is not a one-time occurrence. The passage tells us that Moshe always enters G-d’s presence unveiled. Moshe also remains barefaced when he conveys G-d’s commands to Israel, allowing the nation of Israel – perhaps even coercing them – to view his shining face, only replacing the veil once he has finished transmitting G-d’s instructions.
The nation may shrink from Moshe’s numinous glow. But Moshe is a supreme educator. He wishes to share more than just knowledge; Moshe aims to share some of his experiences with the nation of Israel. Having savored the radiance – the light and the warmth – of being in the Divine presence, Moshe endeavors to transmit this Divine light to the nation, to allow them to sample a taste of his experience of speaking to G-d face-to-face.
Moshe’s pedagogical skills are best seen in his influence upon Joshua, his devoted attendant. When Moshe concludes his face-to-face conversation with G-d, he returns to the camp, where he encounters Joshua, who has remained steadfast in the tent (Shemot 33:11). Joshua emerges as the most direct beneficiary of Moshe’s glow. Thus, the Gemara suggests that Moshe’s face shines like the sun, while Joshua’s is like the moon (Bava Batra 75a), which reflects the sun’s light.
Closeness to G-d is both a great privilege and a grave responsibility. Having received G-d’s light, Moshe feels obligated to convey this experience to others – to Joshua, to Israel – in the hope that they will also begin to radiate this light outward.
The nation of Israel is not merely the beneficiary of Moshe’s overflow of G-d’s light. Remarkably, the entire nation experiences its own face-to-face interaction with G-d at Sinai (Devarim 5:4). Later passages indicate that Israel bears traces of G-d’s light; thus, they are tasked with the solemn duty of of acting as “a light unto the nations” (Isaiah 42:6; 49:6). This responsibility is especially important once Israel is situated in its land. There, the nation must shine G-d’s light outward, teaching the nations of G-d’s instructions, and sharing the joy of living amidst G-d’s light and warmth (Isaiah 60:1–3): “Rise up and shine, for your light has come and the glory of G-d shines upon you. For darkness covers the earth… but nations shall walk in your light!”
Dr. Yael Ziegler is a lecturer in Bible at Herzog Academic College and at Matan Jerusalem. She is a member of the Mizrachi Speakers Bureau (www.mizrachi.org/ speakers).
Ki Tissa Sidra Summary
1ST ALIYA (KOHEN) – SHEMOT 30:11-31:17
G-d instructs Moshe to take a census. Instead of counting people, each man over 20 will give a half shekel coin towards the construction of the Mishkan (Tabernacle); the census figure will be calculated based on the money collected. G-d instructs Moshe to make a copper washing basin (kiyor) for the Kohanim. Moshe is to make the anointing oil, containing select spices, to anoint Aharon, his sons, and the vessels of the Mishkan. G-d tells Moshe to make incense (ketoret) from specific spices, to be offered twice daily. G-d designates Betzalel to supervise the construction of the Mishkan and tells Moshe to again instruct the people about keeping Shabbat. Point to Consider: Why is the mitzvah to keep Shabbat restated specifically here? (see Rashi to 31:13)
2ND ALIYA (LEVI) – 31:18-33:11
“Take for yourself choice spices: five hundred shekel-weights of pure myrrh, fragrant cinnamon… Of it you shall make oil of sacred anointment"
(Shemot 30:23-25). 6TH ALIYA (SHISHI) – 34:10-26
G-d declares to Moshe that he is making a covenant with the people. After entering the Land of Israel, they must not follow the idolatrous ways of the Cana’anite nations. The mitzvah of coming to the Temple with an offering for the three festivals (Pesach, Shavuot and Succot) is restated, as well as the mitzvah to redeem a firstborn male child (pidyon ha’ben) and not to mix meat and milk.
According to Rashi, the narrative moves back in time, to the aftermath of the giving of the Torah. Moshe has been on Mount Sinai for 40 days. The people calculate that Moshe is late returning. Fearing that he is dead, they decide to make a new ‘G-d’. They fashion and worship a golden calf (see Rashi).
G-d informs Moshe of events and threatens to wipe out the nation. Moshe pleads with G-d to relent, recalling His promises to the forefathers. G-d accepts his pleas. Moshe descends the mountain. When he sees the calf, he throws down and breaks the two stone Tablets of Testimony (luchot ha’edut). Moshe burns the calf and instructs the tribe of Levi to kill the sinners. He re-ascends the mountain to ask G-d to forgive the nation. G-d responds that He will no longer lead the people, but will send an angel instead to lead them through the desert.
3RD ALIYA (SHLISHI) – 33:12-16
Not prepared to accept G-d’s response, Moshe appeals to G-d to directly ‘accompany’ the nation and requests that Israel retain a special status, distinct from other nations. G-d agrees to both requests (Rashi).
4TH ALIYA (REVI’I) – 33:17-23
Moshe asks G-d to show him a vision of His divine majesty. G-d responds that no mortal can see a ‘full view’ and live, but He will show Moshe a glimpse of His presence.
5TH ALIYA (CHAMISHI) – 34:1-9
G-d instructs Moshe to carve a new set of Tablets, containing the same words as the first set. Moshe ascends Mount Sinai with the new Tablets, as commanded. G-d now appears to Moshe and teaches him the 13 Attributes of Mercy. Moshe appeals to G-d to bestow His full guidance and protection upon Israel.
7TH ALIYA (SHEVI’I) – 34:27-35
Moshe descends with the new Tablets, his face radiating with light. He has to cover his face with a veil when speaking to the people.
HAFTARAH
Taken from the Book of Kings, the haftarah records the heroic deeds of Eliyahu (Elijah) the Prophet, who stood up to the idolatrous King Achav (Ahab) and Queen Izevel (Jezabel). The conflict reached a climax when Eliyahu challenged the 450 prophets of Baal to bring offerings to their G-d. Eliyahu would make an offering to Hashem. The offering that would be consumed by fire would indicate the authentic deity. In full public view, G-d responded to Eliyahu’s prayers and sent down a fire to consume his offering, after which the people called out twice “Hashem – he is the G-d”.
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17 FEBRUARY 2022 Parshat Ki Tissa: Golden Idols and Stone Tablets, What’s the Difference?
BY GAVRIEL COHN
Hours before Moshe was to descend from Mount Sinai carrying the Tablets engraved with the Ten Commandments, the people waiting at the foot of the mountain began to panic. They thought Moshe had tarried, and scrambled in hysteria. They gathered against Aaron and demanded: “Make us a G-d that will go before us because this man Moshe who brought us up from the land of Egypt, we don’t know what has become of him.” Smelting their gold in a fire, they fashioned a molten calf. With ecstasy, they then proclaimed “This is your G-d, O Israel, who brought you out the land of Egypt!” In a frenzy, the people began bowing down to this metal calf, offering sacrifices to it, and feasting. The tragic idolatrous scene quickly degenerated into depravity. It was a scandalous sin.
In his philosophical masterpiece, Rabbi Yehuda HaLevi, the great Spanish philosopher and poet, explains the people’s motives, yet in doing so he also draws a striking parallel of sorts between the Golden Calf and the stone Tablets that Moshe was about to bring down:
“In those days every nation worshiped images... The masses would not accept any religious teaching unless it was accompanied with some image that they could focus their attention on. Israel was waiting for an object that Moshe had promised to bring down to them from G-d, something which they could see and focus on. The nation heard the Ten Commandments spoken. Moshe had ascended the mountain to bring down the engraved tablets and place them in the Ark. Indeed, the people were to receive some tangible item that they could focus on, the divinely engraved Tablets that would be a record of the covenant between G-d and Israel... The people waited devotedly and patiently for Moshe. However, they began to think that he would not return... Finally, one group, a minority, banded together to make a tangible object with which to focus their attention on, to have something physical in front of them when recounting G-d’s wonders... Their sin was to make an image without the sanction of G-d... They should have continued waiting...” (Sefer haKuzari, 1:97)
This group, a rabble within the Jewish People, simply desired a tangible object to aid them in worshipping G-d. Yet, as R’ Yehuda haLevi explains, they should have waited for the stone Tablets that Moshe was to give them.
But were these stone Tablets really similar to the Golden Calf, just licensed by G-d?
Perhaps the luchot could not be more different. The Golden Calf was an object of idolatry. It was ancient, primitive attempt to channel astral forces or to conjure some celestial, heavenly powers (see, for example, R’ Avraham ben haRambam and the Netziv). The scene the idol created was one of commotion and chaos, of noise and recklessness (“Joshua heard the sound of shouting in the camp... a sound of distress...”).
The stone Tablets, on the other hand, were altogether different. This object, etched with the “finger of G-d,” contained “the words that G-d had spoken with you on the mountain from the midst of the fire.” Unlike the Golden Calf, these tablets of engraved laws were not meant to produce cacophony and uproar, but rather measured speech and discussion, and was , given to all (in an age where literacy and the written word was often just the purview of a highly educated elite priest-class). These stone blocks carried letters, words and sentences, testimony of G-d’s speech, which could be read and learnt by all, analysed, studied, and passed on throughout the generations. It was written code of rules and ethics which was to form the bedrock of a functioning moral society. The Ark and all the fine vessels and impressive ornaments of the Sanctuary was simply meant to house these laws; the physical ornaments Judaism allows are simply structures to honour and show reverence to the divine laws and texts given to us. The Tablets were not some permitted image, a stone idol instead of a gold one. Unlike the Golden Calf, the luchot were not some object to use as the centre-piece of a cultic frenzy. Instead, they were the most Jewish of all objects, a timeless divine text to adhere to, teach, study, and live by.
Gav works as an Account Executive in Public Relations. The views expressed here are entirely his own. Questions? gavcohn@ gmail.com
Ki Tissa
RABBI DR RAYMOND APPLE
LIFTING UP YOUR VOICE
The title of the sidra is from a verb root that means “to lift up”.
Translations of the phrase Ki Tissa in Ex. 30:11 mostly speak about raising oneself to be seen and counted in a census of the people. But when the Hebrew word comes in other places, especially the Psalms, it means lifting up one’s voice in song and praise.
How we link the translations is this: a person who lifts up their voice is noticed as someone whose heart moves them to open their mouth in acknowledgment of G-d. However, it is not only the heart that can serve G-d but every part of one’s being.
Rabbi Naftali Amsterdam once said to his mentor, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, “If only I had the head of the Sha’agat Aryeh, the heart of the Yesod Shoresh HaAvodah and the character of Rav Yisrael Salanter, then I would be able to really serve HaShem!”
Rabbi Salanter responded, “But what you have is precisely the head, the heart and the character that HaShem wants you to have!”
That’s how you lift yourself up, by using wisely whatever G-d has given you… preoccupied with sin. Their concern is whether I should be punished for my own sins or whether my parents’ sins should have an effect on me.
You can make a good case for either opinion. If it is I who do wrong, why should my parents be considered guilty? On the other hand, if they are the ones who committed a sin, why should I have to pay for it?
Does Judaism believe in individual responsibility – or does it wrap me up with my parents and say the guilt is combined?
The teaching of Judaism seems to waver between the two views. Often it happens in religion that two opposing doctrines have to live with one another: an example is the principle of free will, concerning which Rabbi Akiva says, “All is foreseen, yet freedom is given”.
The truth in relation to sin is that if my parents do wrong, I cannot escape the effects… but I have the capacity to outweigh what my parents have done if I determine to improve on them, and they are able to outweigh what I do if they give me a good example. Rabbi Raymond Apple was for many years Australia’s highest profile rabbi and the leading spokesman on Judaism. After serving congregations in London, Rabbi Apple was chief minister of the Great Synagogue, Sydney, for 32 years. He also held many public roles, particularly in the fields of chaplaincy, interfaith dialogue and Freemasonry, and is the recipient of several national and civic honours. Now retired, he lives in Jerusalem and blogs at http://www.oztorah.com
THE GOLDEN CALF
When the people made a golden calf and Aaron said, “This is your god, O Israel” (Ex. 32:4), was he such a fool that he really believed what he told the Israelites?
He was surely well aware that the golden calf had neither life nor will, and it wasn’t a golden calf that brought the people out of Egypt. Maybe what Aaron was doing was mocking the people: “This is your god?” or he was talking rationally, “How can this idol be real?”
Rashbam and Nachmanides suggest that it wasn’t Aaron who was foolish but the people, who had not yet settled into proper belief but had been influenced by the heathen tribes they met in the wilderness.
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JUDAISM 33 The Torah Path to Creating Your Ultimate Identity
BY RABBI SHMUEL REICHMAN
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Before judging whether or not you like what you see, first think about what you see. How do you see yourself? How do you identify yourself?
Often, when we look at great people, we wonder, “were they always this way?”. When I was younger, I became fascinated by a simple question: How does a normal, regular person start to journey from “average” towards the extraordinary? How do we begin dreaming bigger and striving for a greater purpose in life? One of the most fundamental components, as simple as it sounds, is a single word: identity.
SELF-PERCEPTION
In our previous column, we discussed the power of perception. We all wear conceptual glasses that provide the lenses and paradigms through which we understand and experience the world around us. This includes our perception of Hashem, Torah, and mitzvos. However, there is an even more fundamental subject of our lenses and paradigms: our self; namely, the lens through which we perceive ourselves. Our identity is the way we perceive, define, and experience our “self.” So again, when you look in the mirror, what do you see? Who do you see? How do you think about yourself? Is the voice inside your head always giving you positive feedback and inspiring you to strive for your greatness? Or is there a negative voice that seems to always focus on what’s going wrong?
The most important characteristic of our identity is its growing and adaptive nature; it is not static or set. Many people struggle with the same problems and the same internal battles for most of their lives because they have created a static identity. They have come to believe that “this is simply who I am.” Yet, the moment we realize that our identity can be molded and developed, that we are never static, we can fuel our growth and begin the journey of self-transformation.
DISCOVERING OR CREATING YOUR IDENTITY?
Let’s assume we’re at the point that we want to create a more empowering identity and positive self-perception. How do we begin? The first step is realizing that we aren’t supposed to “create” our identity, we’re supposed to discover it. As the Gemara in Niddah 30b explains, we each have the ability to achieve our own unique greatness. When we were born into this world, we were given the ability, and responsibility, to discover our unique potential and purpose, and work throughout our lives to achieve our greatness. Rather than trying to artificially create ourselves, we need to spend time getting to know ourselves, our unique talents, what we are drawn to in life, and begin molding and developing ourselves into our true form. We need to resist the tendency and temptation to look around and try to achieve greatness by copying other people. Role models are important, but instead of trying to imitate them, we should be inspired by them to discover the unique greatness that we can find and develop in ourselves.
Michelangelo was once asked: “How is it that you create such wondrous sculptures and works of art? How can something so innovative and ingenious emanate from mere mortal hands?” Without skipping a beat, Michelangelo responded: “Before I even begin my work, the sculpture is already complete within the marble block. My job is simply to discover it, and then chisel away the superfluous material.”
What if we realized that, much like Michelangelo’s sculptures, we too are already perfectly formed beneath the surface. Our job in life isn’t to take a slab of stone and change it into something beautiful; our job is to discover who we truly are, who we already are, and to then “chisel away the superfluous material”, expressing our inner self. Growth isn’t about becoming great, it’s about becoming you; learning isn’t about discovery, it’s about self-discovery. You are a masterpiece covered with stone; your job in this world is to uncover and express yourself, your true self.
MOVING OUTSIDE OURSELVES
The first and most fundamental requirement for developing a strong identity is self-awareness. To become and achieve the extraordinary, we first need to understand who we are – our values, how we think, what drives us, how we work, etc. Each of us is unique; we see the world differently, think differently, learn differently, and grow differently. To optimally grow and learn, you first need to understand how you grow and learn best. This requires self-awareness – taking the time to get in touch with who you are and how you work. The best way to begin developing your self-awareness is to look at yourself from an outside perspective – by moving outside of yourself, you can get a clearer sense of who you truly are. Sit down in a room by yourself and try to get outside of your internal perspective, outside of your own head; try to look at yourself objectively, from the outside. By default, we live inside ourselves: we think, feel, and experience all of life internally. However, many people are stuck in that perspective, trapped inside of themselves, unable to move outside and see how they’re really doing. Genuine growth begins with genuine self-awareness – the ability to clearly see who we are, to honestly evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, and assess our progress and shortcomings. It’s where we sit down, move outside of ourselves, and begin asking important questions, such as: Who have I become and what have I accomplished with my life? Where are I going in life? What drives me and why do I do what I do? What am I talented or skilled at? What value can I offer the people around me and what can I contribute to the world?
Once we can move outside ourselves and take an objective external view, we can analyze and redirect; we can see where are and where we need to go in order to achieve our goals. Just like a GPS tells us where we are, where we need to go, and how to get there, self-awareness does the same. Once we become aware of who we are, where we need to go, and how we need to get there, we can move back inside of ourselves and begin the journey.
GROWTH MINDSET
Being an eved Hashem needs to be our absolute core identity. We need to view ourselves as someone who devotes our entire life towards Hashem, connecting to a higher purpose and truth. However, there are also subcategories of our identity, such as being a talmid chacham, a professional, or an entrepreneur. We also have many roles within our relationships, such as being a husband or wife, a sibling, a friend, and so on. As an essential component – or subcategory – of our identity, we need to have a growth-mindset, the unstoppable and unquenchable desire to grow, learn, and expand. This is the fundamental difference between humans and animals. Animals are created finished and complete. Animals don’t develop their mind, will, or character; they are what they are. The moment a sheep is born, it begins to walk; when a horse leaves the womb, it begins to gallop. An animal begins life complete, and it never changes or evolves. Angels as well are created complete and perfect, with no room to grow or improve. Humans are unique; we grow, adapt, and evolve through a lifelong journey of growth and self-development. This is why Esav was born hairy. As Chazal note, the word “Esav” shares a root with the word Asuy, meaning complete. From the moment he was born, Esav corrupted the ideal purpose of man, claiming to be perfect and fully formed. The true form of man is a grower, where we live with a growth-mindset and strive to become great.
There is a tendency and allure to saying “I’m perfect the way I am. I don’t need to change.” Not only does this mindset inhibit growth, but it also contradicts our entire purpose in life. As human beings, our entire mission and purpose is to become perfect. The desire to act as though we are already perfect does have an element of truth to it though: at our very root, in the spiritual world, we are already perfect (Niddah 30b). However, as the Vilna Gaon explains, we were born into this world to achieve and actualize that perfection, to become and earn what we already are at root.
THE NATURE OF A GROWTH-MINDSET
The most important component of a growth-mindset is the belief that we can learn and accomplish anything. Nothing is impossible and nothing is unreachable. With the right mindset, effort, persistence, and the help of Hashem, we can do anything we set our minds to. The moment we adopt a growth mindset, an adaptability mentality, we can embrace any new challenge Hashem sends our way, because we now live with the realization that we can meet any obstacle and solve any problem.
Even once we’ve adopted a growth mindset, will there still be uncertainty, struggle, and failure along the way? Certainly! But with a growth and adaptability mindset, we can embrace the challenges and uncertainty of life, and ride the difficult waves that Hashem sends our way. That’s not to say this is easy. It’s not. Figuring it out can be grueling and tiresome. But that’s the greatness of being human: we are uniquely able to embrace struggle and push through, growing each step of the way.
When we fall in love with growth, when we learn to appreciate the journey of self-development, we not only find the energy and willpower to pursue our dreams and greatness, but we actually fall in love with the process itself. Of course, it takes time and it’s difficult. But when we realize that we can learn anything and become anything, we stop focusing on the reasons we should give up and we start striving after our greatness; we begin asking ourselves not whether something is possible, but whether it’s necessary.
I love teaching my clients how to develop a “not-yet” mindset. When one of my clients tells me that they have a limitation, I immediately qualify their statement with a “not-yet,” helping them see their limitation as a temporary challenge instead of a permanent problem. If they tell me their relationship isn’t working, I’ll quickly add, “it’s not working yet.” If they tell me their company isn’t succeeding, I’ll add, “it’s not succeeding yet.” This completely transforms the way we view our problems and struggles. It turns everything into a momentary situation, so instead of viewing our problems as fixed realities, it trains us to view them as fixable and solvable. The “not-yet” mindset is the foundation of our growth-mindset.
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