Triangles and Tisha B’Av

BY RABBI STEWART WEISS

As the Three Weeks come to a conclusion this week with the Fast of Tisha B’Av, let us analyze the stages of personal aveilut (mourning) compared to that of the Three Weeks. Aveilut begins with the intense pain and emotional trauma of losing someone close to us – these are the periods of pre-burial aninut and the seven days of shiva – which then give way to the less restrictive 30-day period of the shloshim. The 12 months of mourning follow, which are even less restrictive than the shloshim.

The Three Weeks follow the same pattern, but in reverse order: The opening twelve days, beginning with the Fast of 17 Tammuz, introduce a general mood of sadness and the lessening of festivities. Then, on Rosh Chodesh Av, that sadness intensifies, culminating finally in the saddest day of the entire year, Tisha B’Av.

Why are these two similar events – personal aveilut and the collective churban

Beit HaMikdash – not done in the same exact order? Why are they “mirror-images” of one another?

Picture inverted triangles. The top one represents aveilut. It begins with a very small point; the intense moment when a loved one dies. We are constricted, left all alone with our pain and our deepest, personal feelings. We are the “ani”– the “I” – of aninut, for no one can fully empathize with the grief we are feeling. We even separate somewhat from G-d in this initial stage, and don’t perform positive mitzvot or even recite berachot. During shiva, we “open up” a bit more, as friends and family console us with love, and praise the deceased. As more time goes by, we slowly begin our return to wider society. Our activities expand and the triangle becomes wide again, opening up to the fullness of the world in which we live.

But in the Three Weeks, it’s quite the opposite dynamic. We had a vibrant, expansive community in ancient Israel, with unlimited spiritual opportunities. We were