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To Wed Or Not To Wed

Dear Rabbi

My partner and I are discussing our future. He questions the need for marriage and insists we are perfect as we are. We have been together for a year and we are now discussing having children. He insists marriage is just a piece of paper and that we can bring and raise happy children into the world without the need for marriage. I am more a traditionalist and think, as much as we enjoy our time together as partners, if we want children, we should get married first. We’ve been bantering this back and forth for a while now and believe it or not, we’ve agreed to write into you (his idea not mine), anonymously, to get your take on it. I think it is obvious to both of us what you are going to say, but we would like to hear some rationale behind your opinion. I hope you can publish this as I believe many others have a similar dilemma. Thank you in anticipation.

Wedding Blues

Dear Wedding Blues

I maintain that it is only in strong stable families, as underpinned by the sacredness of marriage that one learns trust, confidence, discipline and other such life lessons. In marriage one learns emotional intelligence, essential for maintaining happiness going forward. In marriage one learns the art of cooperation and the spirit of care for others.

It is a fact that children born in stable families are advantaged in almost every area for the rest of their lives. And strong marriages, not always, but mostly, need the institution of marriage. Only political correctness and the desire to be non-judgmental leads us to deny that fact.

Some will argue that marriage is only a piece of paper. It isn’t. It’s a publically demonstrated act of commitment!

Some argue that cohabitation is just as good as marriage. It isn’t. Statistically, and you can research this, relationships of cohabitation in the absence of marriage, usually last an average of two years. And even those that might eventually get married – the majority tend to end in divorce.

Here’s the real kicker: Britain has the highest level of children born outside marriage in the Western world. According to UNICEF, Britain has the unhappiest children in the Western world. The two are undeniably correlated.

Parenthood is sacred only within the sacred bond of marriage and we have to recognize marriage, not cohabitation as in the best interest of children, lest they are victims for generations to come. So instead of wedding blues, let’s hear some wedding bells (well, you know what I mean) and send me an invite.

I’ll be there!

HOLY CHEESECAKE!

Dear Rabbi

I’m not Jewish but I am close to several Jewish families and I get invited to several of their festivals. I have sat in a Sukah hut and I have eaten matzah on Passover eve. I am now invit- ed next week for the Pentecost festival. I am told it is celebrated with cheesecake and I would love to understand the significance of that. Also, is it appropriate to bring any cheesecake to my host or is there something special and holy in the way that it is made.

Ravnoy

Dear Ravnoy

The festival of Shavuot is a Jewish festival which takes place on the 50th day after the first day of Passover. It commemorates the day in which we received the Torah at Sinai and were formed into nationhood, and tasked with becoming trailblazers of morality to civilization. At that moment, we were given more than just the Ten Commandments (as often mistakenly assumed) but also all the other laws of the Torah. Those laws included the laws of kosher; the prohibition against milk and meat and the preparation process required for consuming meat. To that end, immediately thereafter, the Jewish people were not ready to eat meat as they would have to properly prepare it first (ritual slaughter, salting the meat, etc.). In addition, a number of their vessels will have been deemed not kosher as they would have previously contained milk and meat mixtures. Being Jewish –we always have to eat – and the one thing readily available was dairy. Hence it is customary to have dairy in commemoration of the giving of the Torah and the immediate effects of that. Though any dairy can suffice –yes even some pizza with a glass of milk - cheesecake is the preference of choice mostly because it is more of a delicacy and also particularly tasty. (Unless you’re privileged to have a motherin-law like me, who makes the most amazing cheese blintzes, Pavlova and krémes - a Hungarian delicacy that gives you a taste of heaven. Yes, I’m hoping if she reads this she’ll make me some extra).

The only thing holy in the way it’s made is the special blessing recited by the manufacturers: “Please G-d, make sure this limits weight gain and doesn’t cause too much rise in anyone’s cholesterol so that they’ll keep coming back for more.”

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