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Gratitude or Gratification
BY RABBI MOSHE TARAGIN
Thanksgiving is an American non-Jewish holiday which is so charming that it deeply resonates with religious Jews. The holiday is not overtly Christian, but, instead, is pivoted upon the universal value of gratitude, a trait which is enshrined in Judaism through numerous experiences such as a “toda” sacrifice for escaping a perilous situation, or through chagim festivals which express gratitude for G-d having liberated us from slavery. Sitting around a Thanksgiving table and admiring the trait of gratitude feels deeply religious and is fully consonant with our own value system. For this reason, the holiday has been roundly adopted by Jews.
The original pilgrims who migrated to the new world, faced the prospect of a harsh winter without food or shelter. When they unexpectedly received a successful harvest, they shared an autumn feast of gratitude with their local native American neighbors. We live in a vastly different world, and very few of us face the threat of a freezing winter or the specter of starving to death. In our world of comfort, the trait of gratitude has become more elusive. How can we generate genuine gratitude in our less vulnerable world?
FACING FRAGILITY
The Book of Beresihit narrates the story of the men and women who founded Judaism. Surprisingly, bearing children and perpetuating their legacy was harder than expected. With only one exception, each of these women went barren for extended periods, only bearing children after much effort. The gemara comments that their extended barrenness induced their fervent prayer and their deeper connection with Hashem. It is provocative to imagine that such surpassing people were exposed to suffering and hardship merely to elicit prayer and longing for divine assitance. This approach frames human struggle and suffering as a catalyst for religious growth. Without hardship we lose our dependency upon Hashem, and He slowly drifts out of consciousness.
Additionally, the barrenness of these women made them more grateful for the children they did bear. Sarah bore one child and Rachel bore two (after which she deceased), and their struggle augmented their appreciation of childbearing. When we easily and effortlessly achieve our goals, we more easily take things for granted and don’t properly cherish our success. Our lives have become too successful for gratitude and too comfortable for thankfulness.
Ironically, Thanksgiving is quickly morphing from a day of gratitude into a day of gratification, as a day which once embodied gratitude has been recast as a holiday of consumerism and the official launch of the coveted Black Friday sales. Too much gratification and gratitude fades. Black Friday has killed Thanksgiving.
TRIUMPH AND HEARTACHE
The only matriarch who doesn’t struggle to bear children is Leah, who effortlessly bears six boys and a girl to her husband. Despite the ease of her childbearing, she is depicted as the epitome of gratitude, as she named her fourth son Yehuda, which stems from the word “hoda’ah”, or gratitude. The gemara remarks that before Leah, no one had fully expressed their gratitude to Hashem. What made her naming a superior example of gratitude? Others before Leah had, undoubtedly, expressed their gratitude, but there was something different and remarkable about her gratefulness.
Sadly, Leah led a tortured life, always slated to be her husband’s second choice. Even after Rachel’s death, a bereaved and nostalgic Ya’akov spends more time with Rachel’s handmaiden than he does with Leah. Evidently, Leah will never fully win the heart of a husband who never intended to marry her in the first place. Her life will always remain imperfect, and she will always carry the pain of being the spurned wife.
Yet, instead of harping upon her pain she savors her role as the matron of the family. Instead of sorrowing over the romance she will never enjoy, she welcomes the opportunity she has been granted. Too often, we experience ingratitude because we stubbornly strive for perfection in a world which rarely offers it to us. Too often, when life offers its mixed bag of triumph and frustration, we obsess about our disappointments while ignoring the potential which lies beneath our own two feet. Le’ah isn’t exasperated by her handicap but chooses to embrace her potential, and this steely courage grants her realistic and authentic gratitude. If we delay gratitude until perfection arrives, it will be forever stalled.
It wasn’t always this way. Previous generations labored under more harsh conditions, never dreaming of a perfect life, but instead, graciously celebrating whatever successes they did achieve. Modernity has created the illusion that with enough effort and determination we are capable of perfection. These outsized and unrealistic expectations blind us to healthy and realistic gratitude. Leah was the paradigm of gratitude precisely because she faced a complex situation, savored her successes, and expressed her gratitude in the face of her continuing struggles.
THANK YOU
There was a second distinct feature of Leah’s gratitude. Others had already sensed gratitude and likely expressed it. Leah, however, didn’t just express it, but embedded it into her child’s name. Every time she called her son’s name, she was reminded of everything in life that she had to be thankful for. She didn’t just experience gratitude, she voiced it.
Though gratitude is an internal attitude and a long-term perspective upon life, the more we actually express our gratitude, the more deeply we feel it and the more frequently we sense it. The simple act of saying thank you sharpens our own sense of gratitude, just as Leah’s calling her child’s name accentuated her own appreciativeness. Thank yous should not be reserved for special occasions but should sprinkle our daily conversations and interactions. Gratitude grows the more that it is sounded.
During daily tefillah the chazzan repeats the 18 berachot of shmoneh esrei, while the congregation quietly listens, responding with “amen” at the conclusion of each blessing. When the chazzan recites the penultimate Beracha of modim which expresses gratitude to Hashem, the entire tzibbur chimes in, reciting their own version of the beracha. By personally uttering gratitude we hope to better internalize this cardinal trait.
HISTORICAL GRATITUDE
The 11th century Spanish philosopher named Bachye Ibn Pakuda branded gratitude as the central trait of religious identity. Pondering our gratitude to Hashem makes us more thankful and thereby more obedient to His will. In the post-Holocaust world though, it became difficult to pivot religious experience upon the trait of gratitude. After the Holocaust, even Jews of sturdy faith were left with many questions about Hashem. The shock and trauma of the Holocaust created a potential vacuum of gratitude.
That vacuum of gratitude was filled by the emergence of the state of Israel which has increased our collective national gratitude. Our grandparents suffered through an endless tunnel of hopelessness and wandering while we have been chosen to return to our homeland and to return to history. As we have restored our national pride and rebuilt our historical narrative, our national experience is more vibrant than ever before. Living through this historical renaissance induces historical gratitude which should boost our personal gratitude. Gratitude is contagious. If we sense it in one area of our lives, we are more inclined to identify it in other aspects of our lives.
The writer is a rabbi at Yeshivat Har Etzion/Gush, a hesder yeshiva. He has smicha and a BA in computer science from Yeshiva University, as well as a master’s degree in English literature from the City University of New York.
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JUDAISM 23 Aseres Hadibros: Engrave Them on Your Soul
BY RABBI SHMUEL REICHMAN
The Aseres Hadibros are an expression of the oneness of Torah and the root of our connection to Hashem in this world. As we mentioned in our previous article, there is a powerful connection between the specific commandments on each side as well. Each individual dibrah on the right parallels the corresponding dibrah on the left. Together, they make up a unified whole of connection to both Hashem and one’s fellow man. While we already explained the unique connection between the first four pairs of dibros, we still need to understand the deep and unique connection between the last pair.
KIBUD AV VA’EIM AND LO SACHMOD
Before comparing the last two dibros, we must first address an apparent problem with one of them. Kibud av va’eim, the commandment to honor one’s parents, is the fifth commandment, the last of those on the right side of the Luchos. However, the right side of the Luchos is reserved for mitzvos bein adam laMakom, and while it may not always seem so, parents are human too. Why, then, is the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents included on the right side of the Luchos?
The right side of the Luchos contains the mitzvos bein adam laMakom, but the deeper theme of the right side is mitzvos between man and his source (bein adam la’Makor). The first four are bein Adam laMakom, between man and his ultimate source, while the fifth, kibud av va’eim, is between man and his more immediate source, his parents. This juxtaposition reveals a deep connection between these mitzvos: The first step toward tracing oneself back to Hashem is recognizing that I am not my own creator, that I have a source. Kibud av va’eim is the first step toward doing so. Recognizing our parents as our source is the first step in tracing ourselves back to our ancestors, then to Avraham, then to Noach, eventually all the way back to Adam HaRishon, until finally we get back to Hashem Himself. In doing so, we trace our individual existence back to Hashem’s creation of the world itself. Kibud av va’eim is therefore the perfect transition between bein adam laMakom and bein adam le’chaveiro, as this mitzvah serves as the springboard for the connection between you and Hashem. Recognizing that someone created us helps train us to source everything in our lives back to Hashem.
This is deeply connected to the concept of hakaras ha’tov. While literally translated as recognizing the good, hakaras ha’tov actually refers to one’s ability to recognize where things come from, sourcing things back to their original root. The mitzvah of kibud av va’eim is essentially the paradigmatic mitzvah of hakaras ha’tov, recognizing where one’s existence comes from.
After clarifying why kibud av va’eim is on the right side of the Luchos, we must now explain its connection to the prohibition against jealousy — lo sachmod. While some consider the prohibition of lo sachmod to only be transgressed when one acts upon their thoughts of jealousy, many consider even the thoughts and feelings of jealousy themselves as a violation of this prohibition. (According to the Sefer Hachinuch and several other opinions, even thoughts of jealousy violate the prohibition of lo sachmod, even if one does not act on these thoughts (38, 416). Even the Rambam (Mishneh Torah, Gezeilah 1:9), who suggests that one only violates the prohibition of lo sachmod if they act on their thoughts and force the owner to give or sell them that which they covet, still thinks that the act is simply a way to quantify the degree to which one had the illicit thoughts and desires of jealousy. In other words, the act is a retroactive revelation of how bad the jealousy truly was.) How is it possible for us to avoid these thoughts? Given the assumption that we have free will over our thoughts, how are we expected to overcome the urge of jealousy?
Each one of us is entrusted with a unique mission in this world, and Hashem gives each of us the unique talents, skills, and drives that we need in order to fulfill that mission. Hashem is our Source, and therefore the Source of everything we have; every aspect of our life was designed specifically for us. When we understand that every single aspect of our life is given to us in order to help us fulfill our unique purpose, what another person has becomes irrelevant, and jealousy becomes nonsensical. Nothing that somebody else has is necessary for your mission, and you are the only person who is able to fulfill your unique purpose. Hashem not only gave you your mission but also gave you all the tools you need to achieve your purpose in this world. Instilling this understanding in ourselves allows us to live without any feelings of jealousy, as our full focus becomes directed toward maximizing our time in this world to fulfill our unique potential. Aside from being jealous of other people’s possessions or circumstances, there is a tendency to be jealous of other people’s successes and achievements. However, the same principle applies here: nobody else’s successes affect ours, nor should it diminish our self-worth. We are all part of one nation, one people, one team. There is no room for jealousy when we are all working toward a shared mission; on the contrary, we should celebrate each other’s victories as our own! For example, one’s ear would never be jealous of their nose, as they are both parts of the same body. At root, they want what is best for the body, for the collective self. If we viewed ourselves as limbs of the body of Klal Yisrael, we would never be jealous of our fellow Jew. This is what kibud av va’eim teaches us: the importance of tracing everything in our life back to its source, to Hashem. When we realize that our entire existence in this world, and all of the circumstances and challenges that we face come from Hashem, there is no place for jealousy, as Hashem has given each of us the exact tools we need to succeed in our mission.
ENGRAVE THEM ON YOUR HEART
When we picture the Luchos, we instinctively conjure up an image of two rounded tablets. However, the Gemara explicitly states that the Luchos were cubic or rectangular. If so, why does almost every shul depict the Luchos with two rounded tops, as an almost heart-shaped figure? (There are, of course, practical suggestions, including those who suggest that this custom is, in fact, a mistake and is based on non-Jewish artwork.)
Perhaps the depth behind this is that the Luchos are intrinsically connected to the heart. The Aseres Hadibros are the heart of the Torah, and we are told to engrave them into our hearts, “Kasvem al luach libecha” (Mishlei 7:3).
This idea touches upon the unique nature of the Luchos and how they were written. There are four possible ways to record an idea in writing: • The first is to use an adhesive, such as glue, paste, or tape, to attach the message to the medium. This is the weakest form of writing, as the message remains separate from the medium and can easily be erased or removed. • The second is to use ink on paper. In this case, the message is not as easily removed, as the message is more connected to the medium itself. However, the ink still remains on the surface of the paper, separate from the medium (the paper). It is the very contrast between the ink and the blank paper that allows you to understand the message. • The third is to engrave the message into the medium itself. As such, the message becomes part of the medium and cannot be erased. • However, there is a deeper form of writing, which is to bore the message completely through the medium, whereby the message becomes one with the medium itself.
This fourth level is how the Luchos were written. The pasuk says that the letters of the Luchos were engraved through the stone and could miraculously be read both on the front and the back of the tablets (Shemos 32:15). Chazal discuss the miraculous way in which letters such as the samech and mem-sofis both had inner pieces that floated in the air, disconnected from any other part of the stone.
This is the deep message of the Luchos. We must engrave their words onto our hearts; we must become one with the medium; we must become one with these mitzvos. We cannot simply perform the mitzvos; we must become the mitzvos. May we be inspired to fully embrace the inner depth of the Aseres Hadibros and merit to fulfill the directive of “Kasvem al luach libecha.”
Rabbi Shmuel Reichman is a bestselling author, international speaker, and the CEO of Self-Mastery Academy. He has lectured internationally on topics of Torah thought, Jewish medical ethics, psychology, and leadership. His bestselling book, The Journey to Your Ultimate Self, serves as an inspiring gateway into deeper Jewish thought. He is also a business, executive, and leadership coach, with a unique approach based on Torah values. After obtaining his BA from Yeshiva University, he received Semicha from Yeshiva University’s RIETS, a master’s degree in education from Azrieli Graduate School, and a master’s degree in Jewish Thought from Bernard Revel Graduate School. He then spent a year studying at Harvard as an Ivy Plus Scholar. He currently lives in Chicago with his wife and son where he is pursuing a PhD at the University of Chicago. To enjoy more of Rabbi Reichman’s content, to contact him, or to learn more about his services, visit his website: ShmuelReichman.com
Weekly Dvar Torah
FROM ERETZ YISRAEL Two Trepidations
BY MRS. SHIRA SMILES
Twice in his life Yitzchak Avinu trembled with great trepidation. The midrash (Bereishit Rabbah 67b) tells us that the first time was at the Akeidah and the second was when he realized that he blessed Yaakov Avinu thinking it was Esav. The midrash wonders, which of the two was with greater intensity? The midrash answers, when Yitzchak Avinu realized that he blessed the ‘wrong’ son, “He was filled with a great trepidation” (Bereishit 27:33). This was clearly the greater of the two. Yet we may still wonder, how could anything be greater than the Akeidah, the fear of imminent death?
Rav Sternbach in Ta’am Veda’as notes that these two experiences are representative of future experiences that Jews would endure throughout history. The Akeidah symbolizes Jews dying al Kiddush Hashem. Yitzchak Avinu trembled with the fear that Jews would not be able to withstand this challenge. The incident of the berachot reflects those times when Jews will need to resort to using deception and trickery for self-preservation. Yitzchak Avinu was afraid that such acts of subterfuge may negatively impact the Jewish people and taint their inherent holiness. This fear was the greater of the two.
Rav Goldwicht in Asufout Marachot, focuses on the individuals involved in each event. When Yitzchak Avinu saw his father, the paradigm of chessed, acting counter to his essence, it filled him with dread. In our parasha, when Yitzchak Avinu sees Yaakov Avinu acting counter to his middah of emet, this too filled him with dread. Not only did Yitzchak see Yaakov engaged in deception, it was coupled with seeing Rivka orchestrate such an event that ran counter to her nature – being supportive of her husband. Hence, Yitzchak Avinu was filled with greater dismay and wonder.
Rav Shmulevitz in Sichos Mussar offers a profound insight into this analysis that holds a great lesson for our lives. When Yitzchak Avinu sees Esav in front of him, Chazal tells us that he saw gehenom open in front of Esav and he trembled with a sudden awareness. At that moment he realized that he had been mistaken about who his son really was. It was a moment of extreme clarity; he had spent many years with a false understanding and had made choices and decisions according to his perceived reality. He had treated Esav as the future heir and suddenly the truth about Esav emerged. Rav Freiman in Sha’arei Derech applies this understanding with a sobering perspective. We must constantly introspect so as not to fall into a similar trap. At times people pride themselves on the performance of a mitzvah, an ideology, or even being involved in a project that perhaps is actually faulty or not as beneficial as they imagined. As humans, our nature is to get into a certain groove in life believing we are on the right track without stopping at regular intervals to reassess. The pain of realization that we were mistaken on the path we chose may occur many years down the road. This is the agonizing awareness that Yitzchak Avinu felt not only for himself but for us, his children, as well. It is indeed something to be conscious of always.
Toledot Sidra Summary
1ST ALIYA (KOHEN) – BEREISHIT 25:19-26:5
Yitzchak, aged 60, prays for his wife Rivka to have a child. Rivka conceives twins and is told prophetically that the two children will father two separate nations. Esav is born first, red and hairy. Yaakov then emerges, holding on to Esav’s heel. As they grow up, Esav becomes a hunter, whereas Yaakov dwells in tents of Torah study (Rashi). Yitzchak loves Esav, whereas Rivka prefers Yaakov. One day Yaakov prepares a red lentil stew. Esav returns exhausted from the fields, demanding that Yaakov give him some of the stew. Yaakov agrees, but in return for Esav selling the first-born rights to him. Esav agrees, taking an oath in return for the food. Famine hits the Land of Cana’an (later Israel). G-d tells Yitzchak not to go down to Egypt for food and assures him that he will be a forefather of a great nation.
Point to Consider: Why did G-d insist on Yitzchak not leaving the Land? (see Rashi to 26:2)
2ND ALIYA (LEVI) – 26:6-12
Yitzchak lives amongst the Plishtim (Philistines) in Gerar. Afraid to reveal that Rivka is his wife, lest harm befall them from jealous men, Yitzchak tells the locals that she is his sister. However, the ruler Avimelech discovers that they are actually married. He accuses Yitzchak of deceiving him, but warns the people not to harm Yitzchak and Rivka. Yitzchak sows the land and becomes very prosperous.
3RD ALIYA (SHLISHI) – 26:13-22
The Plishtim, jealous of Yitzchak’s prosperity, stop up his wells. Yitzchak carries on digging wells; the arguments eventually end.
4TH ALIYA (REVI’I) – 26:23-29
Yitzchak moves to Beersheva. G-d appears to him in the night, telling him that He will bless him. Yitzchak builds an altar. Avimelech brings an entourage from Gerar, offering Yitzchak a new peace treaty.
5TH ALIYA (CHAMISHI) – 26:30-27:27
Yitzchak agrees to the peace proposal. Esav marries two Hittite women. This pains his parents, as both women worship idols (Rashi). The ageing Yitzchak, almost blind, asks Esav to go and hunt some game for him to eat, after which he will bless Esav. Rivka overhears and instructs the reluctant Yaakov to go to Yitzchak disguised as Esav, with two cooked goats, so as to receive the blessings instead of Esav.
6TH ALIYA (SHISHI) – 27:28-28:4
Rivka’s plan is successful; Yaakov receives the blessings. Esav returns from the field, realises what has happened and lets out a loud and bitter cry. Yitzchak also gives Esav a blessing, but it includes his future subservience to Yaakov. Esav plans to kill Yaakov. Rivka realises this, and tells Yaakov to escape to her brother Lavan in Charan. Yitzchak instructs Yaakov to marry one of Lavan’s daughters. Before Yitzchak sends Yaakov away, he blesses him with the blessing first bestowed upon Avraham, including, specifically, the blessing of the Land of Israel. From this we can see that Yitzchak had always intended that the real legacy was to go to Yaakov, not Esav.
Mrs. Shira Smiles, a lecturer, author and curriculum developer, is a member of the Mizrachi Speakers Bureau (www.mizrachi. org/speakers).
“And Yitzchak dug anew the wells of water which they had dug in the days of Avraham his father” (Bereishit 26:18)
7TH ALIYA (SHEVI’I) – 28:5-9
Yaakov sets off to Charan. Esav marries a third wife, Machalat, the daughter of his uncle Yishmael.
HAFTARAH
The prophet Malachi speaks of G-d’s love for Yaakov and His rejection of Esav. However, Yaakov’s nation has to justify G-d’s favour; the prophet rebukes them for being lax and insincere in their Temple service.
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Yitzchak the Person: Work-life Balance
BY GAV COHN
Yitzchak the Person: Work-life Balance Classically, Yitzchak is transformed into a symbol of spirituality and otherworldliness. After he was bound up upon Mount Moriah, he was a walking, living sacrifice to G-d, detached from the world and even unaware of his own son’s waywardness. One midrash relates how, for a time, Yitzchak even soared to heaven, dwelling in the Garden of Eden.
However, reading the verses on their literal level, another interpretation also comes to light, treating Yitzchak not as a symbol but as a person. The Rambam and his son Rav Avraham both understand Yitzchak in this way.
The Rambam related how, in his view, the Akeidah is not the story of Yitzchak’s heroic submission, but a test for Avraham. Yitzchak was just a child at the time, and it was less about his role. As an adult, Yitzchak then became immersed in work, and kept his natural fatherly love for Esav, being impressed with how much Esav supported him in his this-worldly affairs. Yitzchak thought Esav was still of savoury character.
Yitzchak the person was a businessman, busy building, investing, travelling, and negotiating. He spent his time digging wells, sowing fields, reaping produce, and discovering water. He grew prosperous and wealthy, gaining fame and renown even at a time of famine, his vast business projects arousing the jealously of others.
How should we understand Yitzchak the person?
On the one hand, the Rambam explains that the Avot were figures whose minds never strayed from contemplating the Divine. Only their bodily limbs were at work, their hearts were filled with thoughts of the Divine. Additionally, the Avot had the singular goal of bringing themselves and other people closer to transcendence, so all their work managing their flock and fields were for them a perfect worship of G-d. However, as Rav Avraham ben haRambam points out, Yitzchak called the wells he dug names like “strife” and “tension” because he did feel that his work life, necessary though it was, took him away from serving G-d.
Like with Yitzchak, our lives too are a bit of a balance. If we remain focused on why we work, then it too can be called a divine worship, but at the same time we should fill our hearts and minds with what’s important. Perhaps this balance can be achieved. One medieval commentator cites a remark the Rambam once made, “For six days a week, we can be like the Avot, serving G-d alongside our work, then, every Shabbat, we can devote ourselves more fully to G-dly matters.” We may not soar to heaven, but we can bring heaven to down here on earth, even with all its wells and fields.
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