Drink Up

In our regular drinks column, Kevin Fullerton tries a few tasty beverages and lets you know exactly what he thinks of them. This issue we need Kevin to talk about . . . rum

'Rum, rum, rum for my tum, tum, tum.’ I sing these words merrily every time I encounter a bottle of rum, whether peering at it on supermarket shelves or dancing around my local pub, staring bar staff square in the eyes to help maximise their enjoyment of my simple rhyme. And so it was with delight that I undertook this taste test of three rums bottled in Scotland. Please anticipate a tum-tum rating for every bottle reviewed this month. It won’t happen again and it’s probably ill-advised now.

First up is 8 Track, a spiced rum which, as it isn’t very good, we’ll breeze by as quickly as we can. Its label boasts a smorgasbord of flavours, but my palate could only detect the medicinal stupor of pure alcohol. Not a rum of subtlety then, and one that’ll leave your throat in tatters if you drink it straight. Tum-tum rating: 3/10

Less desperate to court the hipster demographic is Edinburgh Rum, which has packaging so loaded with thistles and tartan that you half expect it to develop vocal cords and scream ‘och aye the noo’ in an offensive Shrekkish accent. Although designed to reel in punters at the Duty Free, this is a high-quality blend. Snort me up Scotty, as they probably said at a Star Trek wrap party, because this smells heavenly, a delicate dance of caramel and vanilla that translates seamlessly into a luscious taste. Thanks for sending a full bottle, Edinburgh Rum, because I’ll happily savour this masterpiece. Tum-tum rating: 8/10

Finally, say hello to RonCabezon, a double-distilled botanical rum featuring bottle art so intricately designed that it could be hung in a gallery. Smoky and muscular, it’s a less obvious peoplepleaser than Edinburgh Rum but its taste screams a distillation process fashioned with precision and care. Cabezon is the cool kid of this trio and, while it may appear aloof at first glance, it’ll soon take off its sunglasses to reveal the hunk underneath the smoulder. Did it sound a bit like I fancied a bottle of rum there? Yes, yes it did. Tum-tum rating: 9/10