The 'Good Enough' Parent

Mental Health

THE ‘GOOD ENOUGH’ PARENT

We’ve been in the ‘good enough’ camp for quite some time now, like many other parents we realised we just can’t do it all. Jane Bennett muses about day-to-day parenting and the support other parents can offer when it all goes wrong.

It’s 7pm on a school night, it’s hot, everyone is fed up, end of term is nigh, we are in the stage where the whole house is just launching themselves towards the end.

There’s homework still to be done, Netflix has almost worn out with the use it’s getting whilst it’s too warm to venture outside, there’s no air in the house and I’ve just come back from Tesco Express with a bag of yellow-stickered donuts. It’s fine, we had spinach with dinner, cancels it out, right? Through sticky jam-filled mouths, and as if on cue, we collectively break into Bob Marley’s ‘Jammin’.

My son told me he loved being at home tonight; he said he has everything he has ever wanted right here. I think he was primarily talking about his Xbox, but I’ll take the hug and the compliment.

Looking at my children – one at middle school, the other about to start – I realise they are still my babies who need care and nurturing, but they are also physically and emotionally developing in preparation for puberty. I’m sure I’m not quite prepared for this challenge and I predict my bad planning means this may coincide with my own menopausal stage.

It was Donald Winnicott, paediatrician and psychoanalyst, who in the 1950s, introduced the concept of

‘The Good Enough Mother’. The idea is the mother has a network of supportive adults around her, having learned to act naturally and instinctively from having been a baby herself. She provides an environment which allows healthy maturational processes in her baby, whilst protecting baby from her own feelings of hate – perhaps when baby won’t stop screaming. When the good enough mother fails her baby, they will gradually adapt to and tolerate the frustrations of the outside world.

As we prepare to engage in the battle which is the summer holidays, it is all too easy to see ourselves as failing our children and failing ourselves. The outside world may look in and perceive a parent as out of control when their child(ren) are being unruly. We’ve all experienced, personally or at least witnessed, the screaming, rolling around, lashing out child on the shop floor, often the child’s response to a refused treat. Inevitably, the situation is further exacerbated by the threat if they don’t get off the floor they won’t be meeting their friends at the park – often an empty threat as meeting other Mummy friends can be the only moment of support and sanity you may get that day. In those moments, it’s important to remember we’ve all been there.

I KNOW

A parent is one of the most wonderful, and the most challenging, roles we take on but it can also be the loneliest. Expectations to be a parent, partner, homemaker, earner can feel like complete overload. Getting a break isn’t easy and we don’t often have the chance to speak openly about the difficulties and pressure.

Stress, anxiety, depression and mental health are issues many of us struggle with throughout our lives. If you feel you may benefit from some help, contact your GP or Mendip Health Connections who will be able to pinpoint you to local services.

To join the 'I Know' campaign, share a story of how you've been supported or to show your support by purchasing an ‘I Know’ pin badge, search ‘I Know’ on Facebook. Happy parenting!

Founded by child psychologist and mum, Dr Veronica Roberts, the‘I Know’ campaign is an initiative to offer support at these times. A smile, a kind word, the reassurance someone understands is sometimes makes all the difference.

Stress, anxiety, depression and mental health are issues many of us struggle with throughout our lives. If you feel you may benefit from some help, contact your GP or Mendip Health Connections who will be able to signpost you to local services.

To join the 'I Know' campaign, share a story of how you've been supported or to show your support by purchasing an 'I Know' pin badge, search 'I Know' on Facebook.

Happy Parenting!