Real Life | Parenting
Feeling like a bad parent? It could stem from birth trauma Birthzang’s Eleanor Hayes explains…
B
eing a bad parent is a bit of a social media joke. Blogs and memes are littered with stories about giving our kids fish fingers and chips, using Netflix as a babysitter and being inconsistent with our reward charts. We joke about it to normalise it, but we all
know perfect parents don’t exist, right? However, the feelings around our own parenting often feel far from a joke. At times these feelings can disrupt our connection with our children and affect our daily lives. As a new parent I felt overwhelmed. I struggled to bond with my baby, avoided talking about birth jealous of others’ joyful stories and got angry with my kids when they were just doing normal kid stuff. I worried I was a bad parent. I worried that I wasn’t good enough. I worried that I couldn't finish my giant ‘to-do’ list so that I could actually enjoy being a parent. I felt depressed, anxious and alone. Then I learned about birth trauma. I recognised every single symptom as something I was experiencing. I had never connected giving birth with my feelings as a bad parent. I never thought I carried that trauma with me. Yet when I looked at ways trauma manifests trauma, I knew it was still affecting me as a parent and also as a person. I realised I wasn’t a bad parent after all, I was suffering from the effects of trauma from the birth of my children.
The effects of birth trauma can be immediate or lie dormant for months or even years and can affect both women and men (and in some cases even the baby). Identifying the source of the trauma is not always obvious as two people can experience the same birth in profoundly different ways. Trauma can stem from many things but the UK Birth Trauma Association suggest that as many as 30,000 mothers experience birth trauma annually. The first step in recovery from trauma is to recognise some of the symptoms: Reliving the birth, possibly as flashbacks Avoiding talking or thinking about birth Angry outbursts Insomnia High levels of worry, anxiety and stress, perhaps having panic attacks Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks Feeling a lack of connection or bonding with your kids Resentment and jealousy of other parents Depression
Illustration © stock.adobe.com
The Rewind Birth Recovery Technique is a quick and effective treatment of PTSD which was first used with war veterans. It can be done in 1-3 sessions. You don’t need to talk about the trauma or relive it, or even be in the same room as the practitioner. To find about more about recovering from Birth Trauma contact Eleanor Hayes, a Frome-based birth trauma recovery specialist who offers face-to-face and online recovery plans.
07931756461 Eleanor@birthzang.co.uk www.birthzang.co.uk/birth-trauma-recovery
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