Metro Spirit 04.19.2012 by Metro Spirit

photography: jwhite AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

LaurenRoman|account executive lauren@themetrospirit.com JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

INSIDER JENNY IS WRIGHT AUGUSTA TEK AUSTIN RHODES

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INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

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Once More, With Feeling Wednesday evening Matt Aitken announced his intention to run for reelection, looking to recapture the mojo of his surprise election in 2009. Some say that he deserves to win simply by making the decision to run. He did, after all, pray about it a lot, and if he thinks he deserves a shot after getting that kind of guidance, it’s kind of tough to argue. Reportedly, he was a little leery about doing it again because of the way he feels he’s been mistreated by the press. News flash, Matt — hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and the Angry Ex of Harrisburg will no doubt unleash hounds far scarier than anything the media can throw at you. And if those hounds can gather enough bones to finance a serious campaign, you’re going to have a fight on your hands. But the word is, many in the business community will continue to quietly push the calm and relaxed Aitken. Unlike many of the conspiracies Lori Davis believes in, that one is probably true.

To Michael “Flathead” Blanchard’s obituary, which he wrote himself before dying nearly a year ago. The Colorado native listed his cause of death partially because of “raising hell for more than six decades.” He claimed his deceased cat as his son, told an old adversary to “kiss his butt” and listed friends as “criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats.” Oh, and those attending his recent memorial were carded to make sure they were 18. Sorry we didn’t know you when you were alive, Flathead.

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Okay, Milledgeville police, we’ll take your word that you needed to handcuff that six-yearold after a tantrum at school that injured the principal. But charging her with simple assault and damage to property seems a little excessive.

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On the Inside The kid gloves are coming off in the Richmond County Sheriff’s race. First came the rumors about Robbie Silas, his past and his rise to prominence, which hadn’t been completely buried since his return to the force decades ago. Then came the whisper campaign that all was not right in Scott Peebles’ personal closet. Tit for tat. Par for the course. To many on the inside, the Silas campaign is less about Silas than it is about those behind the scenes wanting to retain some control. It doesn’t seem to matter that Silas isn’t that strong anywhere outside of South Augusta, because in South Augusta among South Augustans he’s the guy. Maybe by default, but he’s the guy. But is he the guy because he’s right for the job, or is he the guy because those in the background think they can control him? With Silas in, they’re back in the game. The irony, of course, is that the same people who are working Silas like that are charging Roundtree supporters with the same kind of misbehavior. Everyone, it seems, just wants to get inside.

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OPEN 7 DAYS

IN FRONT OF WALMART IN EVANS

Granted, most people file their tax returns electronically these days, but what about the ageold tradition of waiting until the last minute and then racing to the Post Office by midnight so you can get take advantage of their generosity and still get the proper day’s postmark. Yeah, times are tough and the Post Office is hemorrhaging cash and jobs and relevance, but is it too much to at least leave a note on the door? Though the business window of the Columbia County Post Office was shut down tight by 5 p.m. on tax day, there were plenty of people milling around the lobby looking for guidance, envelopes in hand. One person had heard that all Post Offices would postmark mail received before 7 p.m. with the current day’s postmark, while someone else had heard that any letter deposited in the box before midnight would receive the postmark. Finally, an employee made the mistake of poking his head outside to see what all the ruckus was about. He was even more clueless than everyone else and ended up going back to ask his supervisor what was going on. Really? It’s tax day and the Post Office isn’t expecting anyone looking for that midnight exception? After awhile, the guy came back. The main Post Office downtown, he said. They’ll postmark any letters they receive on the inside with the proper postmark, at which point someone asked him where the main Post Office was. He turned around and went back to ask his supervisor. Most didn’t wait for him to return, and when they arrived at the main Post Office they found more people milling around, a TV truck and absolutely no indication from the Post Office that there was anything out of the ordinary about the day. People shrugged and dropped their envelopes.

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JENNY IS WRIGHT What’s In a Name?

The other day, I was at a department store at the mall, returning a pair of jeans. I had to wait in line, which was fine. I wasn’t in a hurry. The only thing that sucked about waiting was that I was reminded again and again as to why I had to return the pants. After I bought them, I went home and tried them on, only to have to button pop off as I buttoned them. At least it inspired me to go for a run. It’s a good thing I wasn’t in a hurry, because the person in front of me was having some, well, issues. She seemed to have picked up everything in the store that was missing a price tag. She meant to pick up a medium, but instead had a large. The two shoes in the box weren’t the same size. Bless her heart. People started to switch lines, audibly expressing their absolute dissatisfaction with it all. I’ve learned my lesson, though. If I switch lines due to impatience, the next line will inevitably be worse. So I waited (and waited and waited and waited). The cashier was chatting with the customer, occasionally breaking the conversation to take care of the various issues. She kept saying things like, “Hold on, baby, okay?” or “Baby, is this the right one?” or “let me check on that, baby.” I’m sure I don’t need to, but let me point out that it was not, in fact, a baby that was buying clothes. It was actually a woman who appeared to be in her 70s or so. When it was my turn to check out, she did the same thing to me. I guess I do need to point out that the cashier was a young blonde who couldn’t have been much more than about 22. What do you think about that? I mean, there’s something to be said for good manners. Did this girl miss the mark? It kinda feels like she did. It’s as if she really was trying to be nice and courteous, but I don’t know of many grown women who want to be called baby, unless you do it in the privacy of her bedroom and that’s another story entirely. This didn’t feel sexy. It felt condescending. I guess it doesn’t really matter all that much. It just made me think about the way we address one another, learning habits from an early age. In The South, so many

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kids are taught to answer any question asked by an adult with “Yes (or no) ma’am (or sir).” I wasn’t necessarily raised that way, and neither was The Man, but when The Kids are in trouble, their response to “do you understand?” had better include a “yes” and ma’am or sir. One thing I always struggle with is what to tell The Kids to call my friends. Growing up, I remember calling my friends’ parents Mr. and Mrs. Suchandsuch. There were a few exceptions when I called them by their first name. I don’t care if I’m called Mrs. Wright. As far as I’m concerned, Mrs. Wright is my mother in law anyway. I’d prefer that my friend’s kids call me Jenny. Not Mrs. Jenny. Just Jenny. Well, I don’t want them to call me Just Jenny. Jenny. Most people don’t feel comfortable with that. There’s supposed to be a distinction between grown-ups and kids, right? I get that. I’m just not formal or fancy enough for all the Ms./Mrs. blah blah blah. Many of my closest friends understand that and agree with me. The rest are just uptight. KIDDING. I’m sending a shout to the elder who took my return. Yeah, I know that you’re super young, but if you’re gonna call me “baby,” what does it really matter? I’ll deal with it. Just don’t call me Mrs. Baby.

JENNYWRIGHT lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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AUGUSTA TEK

15 Random Things to Do Online Jerry Seinfeld tapped into something special when he figured out people would watch a TV show about nothing. This week at Augusta Tek, you can expect the same — nothing. • http://chir.ag/stuff/sand/ — Streams of sand, water, salt and oil fall from the top of the screen. Build walls, grow plants, start fires — it’s Etch-a-Sketch on steroids. Hours and hours of enjoyment are found here!

• cuteoverload.com — Exactly what is says. Thousand upon thousands of cute animal pictures. The ultimate Pinterest board! • mymms.com — Did you know that you can order personalized M&Ms? Choose from 25 different colors. Add a unique message, clip art or even a face. Perfect gift for birthdays, weddings or graduations. BTW — Mother’s Day is next month! • translate.google.com — Hai mai voluto imparare a leggere un’altra lingua? Troppo tardi. Google ha creato la versione 1.0 del traduttore universale di Star Trek. Fare clic sul speaker per ascoltare. Più di 60 lingue disponibili. • martingrund.de/pinguine/index.htm — This German website features webcams in Antarctica. You know what that means… penguins! • thingsyouneverknew.com — It’s that one stop shop for everything from space alien alarm clocks to Beavis and Butthead bobbleheads to remote control flatulence machines. And they also have a complete section of As Seen on TV. Father’s Day in June… this one is for Dad! • howtofoldashirt.net — I watched the darn thing 15 times, and I still don’t know how she did it. • dailymakeover.com — Interested in a seeing what you would look like with a total makeover? Upload your picture and try out different hairstyles and makeup. All you metrosexuals, don’t be intimidated. It’s okay. • ted.com — Little known to most people, the intellectuals of the world run a lecture series called TED. The talks run the gamut of global issues, everything from the hard sciences to technology/business to social concerns. Very informative and motivational. Your world will become much bigger. • great-prank-ideas.com — It is what it says. Some are funny. Some are mean. I’ll leave it to you to decide. • youtube.com/watch?v=r6tlw-oPDBM — What is the world record for the most T-shirts worn at once? This YouTube clip shows Matt McAllister put on 155 — all 100 pounds of them. • fabricorigami.com — The quilter’s dream for those leftover pieces of fabric. At least, that is what the site says. • wordsmith.org/anagram — Many hours to be found here for those that like to play with words. I tried for a while to get I Am Lord Voldermort out of Thomas Marvolo Riddle. Maim Overlord Dolt is about as close as I got. • network-science.de/ascii — If I had only had this site in the days of dot matrix! Type your text, and the site will convert it into an ASCII graphic. Totally ’80s, man! • youtube.com/watch?v=6B26asyGKDo — Another You Tuber. It’s been around for a while, but it’s worth seeing again. Noah Kalina has taken a picture of himself every day since January 11, 2000. The video covers January 2000-July 2006. Well, I hope that will keep you until next week. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet @gregory_a_baker.

GREGORY A. BAKER, PH.D, is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. 19APRIL2012

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AUSTIN RHODES Another Year Wiser… and Better

Last week marked the first anniversary of the return of the Metro Spirit, and if you think you have seen some significant changes since then, just you wait. Owner/publisher/frustrated brewmeister Joe White was kind enough a while back to share some fantastic news about the growth of the paper, and his future plans for the iconoclast publication, and all I can say is, “you will be amazed.” For the last few days I have been preparing remarks that I have been invited to make on the occasion of the Louis Harris Award being presented to my decades-long friend and media colleague Don Rhodes. The Harris Award has been presented almost every year since 1978 by the West Augusta Rotary Club for exemplary media achievement. One thing that unites the incredibly diverse and eclectic collection of past recipients (how about Phil Kent, Bob Smith, Harley Drew and Tom Grant for a small sample) is the commitment shown to their neighbors in all their endeavors. With Augusta media awards on my mind and the Spirit’s pending news soon to break, I have been considering the state of local media, and the way it has been, or will be affected by changes in social media and the more and more prevalent online citizen press. Augusta has always tended to lag a bit behind major markets when it comes to media trends, but if you consider what is going on in several major southern cities, it appears that the bright chaps involved in traditional media platforms are embracing the new technology and dominating those mediums just as they dominated their historical mediums. In Augusta, there is simply no website that comes close, remotely close, to the popularity of the Augusta Chronicle. When the AC established a web presence in 1996, it became one of the first major newspapers in the southeast to allow almost 100 percent access to all locally generated stories and content. Ironically, though they were pioneers in many ways, the paper’s leadership was completely clueless (right there with the rest of the print world) as to how to make money with its online presentation. AC editors also grew weary of the local TV stations accessing their original news items as soon as they were turned in and posted, and using them on the 11 p.m. news. To combat the situation, they started playing games with how and when they would post their stories. Many times they would have a great article sitting in queue for 12 hours or longer, just so TV (and everyone else for that matter) was not able to steal the content before the daily print edition hit reader’s driveways in the wee small hours of the morning.

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Understandable, but also quite frustrating if you are an information junkie used to getting the story as soon as a reporter could possibly get it to you. The news consumer deserved better than to be a victim of a pissing contest between media outlets. That changed as the TV stations got their own websites and started scooping the AC on stories they actually had on file hours earlier. The AC’s hand was forced, and as they decided to embrace the technology rather than run from it, they made the best management hire I have seen in recent media history with the addition of Alan English. Alan gets it and, from what I hear, if you work at the AC and don’t get it, he will drag you along kicking and screaming until you do. If there is a failure to embrace the new philosophy he will wave at you as you head out the door. But it is a difficult process, adapting the information industry’s ability to turn a profit into an internet friendly and accessible business model. Outside the areas of sports news and pornography, few have succeeded. From what I have been able to gather from the hours I spend absorbing media and information every single day, the entities that survive and thrive in these difficult times succeed because they offer something no one else can provide. Within a given metro area, that would be local news, local information and local insight... from dependable people, reliable reporters and experienced professionals. If there is accountability and transparency in delivery and content, an audience will follow. Happens every time. Anonymous contributions from the unmistakable presence of citizen generated, online news and opinion represents an enigma for the discerning news consumer. The lack of easily defined ownership, and, yes, often misguided and misrepresented agendas, relegates much of what we see to be regarded as little more than cyber-heckling. Entertaining at times, often irritating, but omnipresent in today’s news offerings. The media mergers and consolidations of recent years has tremendously undercut the staffs and, subsequently, the output of much of the traditional Fourth Estate. But as the Metro Spirit has shown us in the last year, concentrating on local content and information put together by accountable and accessible individuals is a recipe for success. Happy Birthday, Metro Spirit. The best is yet to come!

19APRIL2012

The Art of Raising Money

How the Art Factory suffered from the economy, its location and its success If you blinked, you missed it. On Wednesday, March 28, the Art Factory sent out a press release stating that after 17 years of providing arts education programming to some of Augusta’s most economically challenged children, the nonprofit could no longer continue to fund its programming and would cease operations. “I was floored when I heard they weren’t going to be around anymore,” says James Crawford, director of Sand Hills Elementary, a school with a long history with the Art Factory. “I’m really disappointed that it’s gone.” Besides providing arts education programming for several Richmond County schools, the Art Factory also provided arts programming for the Boys and Girls Clubs, Hope House and most recently the Kroc Center. Currently, the Boys and Girls Club outreach will be taken over by the Jessye Norman School, while the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art will be handling much of the rest of the programming. “At this point in time, we’ll be taking their in-school activities,” says Rebecca Henry, executive director of the Gertrude Herbert. “We’re also looking at their juvenile justice program, which is administered through the State’s Department of Justice.” Henry says the Gertrude Herbert will also provide instructors for the Hope House program. Kroc Center programming, however, has yet to be determined. “That’s one we’re interested in, but it’s really up to the Kroc Center and how it wants to proceed.”

METRO

NEWS ERICJOHNSON

All in all, she estimates her total outreach will increase by about 2,000. But what happened to the Art Factory? How did it get to this point? That’s a lesson in the economics of nonprofits and the accident of location. The Art Factory began with six women sitting around a table discussing Marsha Shlaer’s trip to New Orleans, where she was exposed to an effective arts education program that got her wondering why such a thing couldn’t happen here in Augusta. “Clearly, there was a need for art to be taught to kids, particularly in the inner city,” says Shlaer, who would become the Art Factory’s founding board president. Before they jumped, however, they visited the different arts groups in town to make sure they weren’t duplicating programming and found that no one was serving that particular population. “So we looked at ourselves and said, ‘Well, if nothing else happens, maybe we’ll stimulate interest in doing this kind of programming,” says Margaret Wamsted Pickett, the founding director. 10 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Over the years they did manage to stimulate interest for doing that kind of programming, and ultimately that came back to bite them. At the time, however, they were the only ones out there. Art hadn’t been in the schools in a meaningful sense for several years, yet it was still considered by some to be a valuable learning tool, especially for disadvantaged youth. “There’s research that shows the arts level the playing field across all socioeconomic boundaries,” says Cindy O’Brien, who retired after seven years as executive director late last fall. “When you employ teaching through the arts, the kids get it so much easier, so much faster, and they get so much more excited about learning. And if a child is not excited about learning and isn’t paying attention, then it’s a waste of time.” Their first location, at Augusta Urban Ministries’ factory location, actually nudged

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them in the direction of the projects for which they’re most known. A fire marshal’s order kept them from being able to meet inside Augusta Urban Ministries’ factory location, so they started painting murals. “We couldn’t be inside, so we painted outside,” Shlaer says. Over the years, the group met in several locations, but ended up as mostly an outreach organization. “The need was so great, but we had no way to transport people, so we had to go to them,” Shlaer says. These residencies at the schools would typically focus on an artist, say Monet. Students would study his Water Lilies and then do artwork in that vein. At the same time, they would recreate the habitat of Monet’s pond and make little sculptures of the insects and things that lived there. “They were learning science, they were learning the parts of the flower and they

were learning what flora and fauna lived within a water habitat,” O’Brien says. “So all that is connected to the science curriculum, but at the same time, they’re making art.” Every residency concluded with a group project, because one of the Art Factory’s philosophies was the idea that everyone had to learn to work together. “That’s the art of compromise and negotiation and brainstorming,” O’Brien says. “Those are all things those kids will need one day when they step out into the workplace.” At its height, the organization provided arts education to more than 1,500 children a year and employed between 10 to 15 local artists. Employed is the operative word, because the group has always been proud of its financial commitment to the artists it brought to the classroom. “Unfortunately, a lot of people think artists should just volunteer to do that for

free, but we paid our artists and we tried to pay them very well,” O’Brien says. “We provided them with a curriculum so that they didn’t have to do a lot of planning. We did training for them in the curriculum so they could just deliver the curriculum in the residencies without a lot of extra outside preparation.” That was beneficial because it allowed the artists to earn a living by teaching multiple classes while still having the time and energy to pursue their own art. “We had a real belief in paying our artists,” Pickett says. “I think there were times when the administrative staff went without so the artists could be paid.” The financial challenges came to a head last winter, when O’Brien decided to retire and the board brought in Lisa Marks as executive director. Over her three years in Augusta, Marks, who has fundraising experience, had made

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a name for herself within the artist community as chairman of Artists Row. She was hired November 15 and it only took her a few weeks to see the writing on the walls. “I came to them in December and told them it looked like they weren’t going to be able to afford what they thought they could afford,” Marks says. “The great thing about the Art Factory is that they had some great grants that have supported their programs for the most part, but they have just had a real difficulty in having additional funds that would be operational.” Though it seemed to hit suddenly, she found out it was not a sudden problem. “Evidently, they’ve really struggled financially for some years and have discussed merging with other organizations on multiple occasions, but it just never happened,” Marks says. “So that’s really what they charged me with pretty immediately. They felt a responsibility to keep it open because the programs were so good for the kids, so I asked them if they would feel better if I would be able to find other organizations that could continue things.” Which is how the association with the Gertrude Herbert and the Jessye Norman School came about, something Marks insists is good for the community in two respects. “One, the programs are still continuing just as they always have,” she says. “And two, that they’re continuing in a much less expensive fashion.” And here is where we get to the financial root of things: Augusta is full of nonprofits. “When the Community Foundation gave out awards about a year ago, they announced that we had more nonprofit organizations in our community per capita then anywhere else in the country,” Shlaer says. “That’s completely true,” O’Brien agrees. “Groups get together and they do a little thing and say, ‘Let’s start a nonprofit.’” According to Marks, that is part of the problem that tripped the organization up. “Some of the funders here in town like the Knox Foundation and the Community Foundation have been urging nonprofits — whether those were social service agencies or arts organizations — to take a look at how they could make some adjustments, and where there were similar missions, come together and share administrative overhead,” she says. The way the nonprofit world is structured, however, such a duplication of services was almost inevitable. “I think what happened was that the Art Factory created something unique and it was a great idea,” she says. “But when you’re in the nonprofit world, part of getting funding is not to show that you’re just a gallery, for instance. You have to show outreach. Outreach is really crucial in order to gain funding, so I think people in creating outreach opportunities couldn’t help but create something that was similar 12 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

to what the Art Factory was already doing.” And such duplication is ultimately unsustainable. “If you want to look at the nonprofit schematic, you would just say there’s only so much money to go around in the community, and ultimately when people are providing a similar service, somebody is going to suffer from that in time.” In this case, in spite of all their effort, it was the Art Factory that suffered, and while the clutter and competition of the nonprofits may have been difficult to overcome, there were other factors making it difficult for it to compete. “The challenging thing about raising money for the Art Factory is that your dollars go to an invisible product,” O’Brien says. “If you make a donation to the Symphony or the Morris Museum or Dance Augusta or the Gertrude Herbert, then you can go to the performance or the galleries and see where your dollars are making a difference, but at the Art Factory, those children are in classrooms and they’re not accessible to the public, so you don’t really get to see the look on their faces when the art teacher walks in or when it’s the end of the semester and they’re saying, ‘Are you going to come back?’” Also, the fact that Augusta is a medical community complicates things because each health concern has a large organization with an existing fundraising structure behind it and the advantage, unfortunate though it may be, of an obvious and emotional need. “We may have cancer or we do have heart disease,” Pickett says. “Those are easier, more tangible things in hard times for people to give money to.” Then throw in the fact that the Kroc Center’s record-setting fundraising campaign in the midst of the economic downturn shook the money tree in a way it had never been shaken before and you’re talking about a pretty tough financial landscape, Shlaer says. The benefits, however, are without question. Crawford, the director of Sand Hills Elementary School, which is a special education program that works with emotionally disturbed and autistic kids, says the Art Factory program was extremely successful on many levels. “The people they have brought to us have been folks who have been really interested in our kids and interested in helping our kids find appropriate ways to express their thoughts and feelings and ideas,” he says. “It had been wonderful. I can’t tell you how creative our kids can be and how we can sometimes get such insight.” For O’Brien, who had been with the organization since the beginning, the fact that after 17 years the Art Factory departed from the Augusta landscape with such little fanfare seemed unfair. “It’s been just kind of a ho-hum thing, and that’s kind of sad because I know it wasn’t ho-hum to the kids,” she says. 19APRIL2012

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TERENCEBARBER

Your Weird Week in Crime Is Augusta-Richmond County really as crime ridden as you think it is? As the crimes and the times change, so will the report. Taking time to enjoy the crime On Monday, April 9, it was reported that a burglar broke into Augusta Railroad Salvage with a prying tool and disconnected the telephone lines. While the business was ransacked and the rear warehouse door was pried open, the only items taken where a custom computer and a beer. The burglar also took the time to have a smoke break, leaving a cigarette butt on the ground before departing.

Missing weapon of the week Two AK 47s Two .45 cal Rugers One silver .45 cal pistol One black .223 tec One rechargeable stun gun

Really? Keep it classy Augusta. Also on Monday, April 9, an Augusta man reported that a burglar entered his residence from an unsecured door to steal an HP laptop, a PS2 with Medal of Honor, and a pit bull puppy. On Friday, April 13, an apartment building was broken into, where the burglar(s) stole two AK 47s, a black Xbox controller and a total of 25 Xbox games. Five games were recovered, but the weapons, controller and 20 other games are still unaccounted for. These were the only weapons stolen this week where the thief forced his way into the residence. On Friday, April 13, Food Lion on Windsor Spring Road reported a mart cart, valued at $5,000, stolen. The vehicle was later recovered at the Bi-Lo across the street. On Friday, April 13, an Augusta woman left her vehicle unsecured. A thief saw this as an opportunity to steal her Bible and Bible cover.

Crime totals for the week 70 counts of larceny (both felony and misdemeanor) 28 counts of invasion of privacy 17 counts of assault 10 counts of property damage Seven counts of burglary with no forced entry (time unknown) Five counts of public peace disturbance Five counts of identity fraud Four counts of burglary with forced entry (daytime) Four counts of burglary with forced entry (time unknown) Four counts of financial fraud Three counts of burglary with forced entry (night time) Three counts of burglary with no forced entry (night time) Three counts of theft/mislaid property Three counts of armed robbery Two counts of terroristic threats Two counts of forgery Two counts of obstructing police Two counts of burglary with no forced entry (daytime) Two counts of vehicle theft One count of attempted forgery One count of receiving stolen property One count of weapon offenses (no permit)

The pizza worth stealing On Saturday, April 14, an order was made to a Pizza Hut. The manager said the order “sounded strange” and sent two delivery people instead of one. The delivery people arrived at the house where the suspect stated he knew the people in the residence and would help locate them. The suspect then pulled out a handgun and ordered the Pizza Hut employees to, “Give me your money! Give me the pizza!” As the suspect searched one employee for money, the other backed away toward their vehicle and drove off while dialing 911. The suspect turned attention to the pizza bag filled with one meat lover’s pizza, one stuffed crust pepperoni pizza, cinnastix and 44 boneless wings. As the suspect fled on foot, the employee asked the suspect to drop the bag. The bag was later recovered and the suspect failed to get any money from the employees. No one was hurt, but the fate of the food is still unknown.

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Helpful anti-crime tips Lock your doors. Don’t leave your weapons in plain sight. Know your alcohol tolerance level. There are plenty of things worth fighting for… lawn appliances aren’t among them.

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Ruffin’ It

In Which I Manufacture Envy After two months, over a hundred applications and 45 job interviews, I am finally and gainfully employed. The two part-time bartending jobs I just landed should equal a full-time salary, or about $400-$600 a week, which may seem like small potatoes to most of you, but it’s a hell of a lot better than $0 a week. Yeah, I get a check from the Metro Spirit every month — thanks, guys — but when it comes to paying rent, bills and planning a wedding, the amount I get is so negligible that the envelope they mail it in comes with a laugh track. Anyway, now that I can afford it, this seems like a good time to talk about beer again. One of the things that attracted me to the Soul Bar in the first place was its beer selection. When Jayson (Rubio) showed me around before my first shift, I was pretty taken with the selection of Rogue, Sierra Nevada, Samuel Smith and other solid microbrews. It’s the same reason I started working at the Craftsman Table & Tap here in Madison, and also why only two of my friends ever go drinking with me anymore. So, in honor of my newfound employment, I figured I’d run down the eight best beers I’ve had since coming to the Madison area. There are only two caveats: it can’t be something that you guys can get, because the whole point of this column is to alternately infuriate and confound you, and I can’t pick more than one beer per company. If I could, I would just say “everything New Glarus makes” and wouldn’t get paid for this column. These are in no particular order, because that would be like trying to pick your favorite child, all of whom are Robert Mitchum. 8. Ale Asylum Bedlam! IPA (7.25% ABV) Located right here in Madison and nowhere else (though they’re expanding soon, so that may change), Ale Asylum combines solid brewing with the charm of hilariously bad artwork. The brewpub is punk-rock chic, with awesome thin crust pizzas; the chorizo/black bean/garlic/red pepper is my favorite. Their Ambergeddon is a local staple, but Bedlam! is the best: a strong India Pale Ale brewed with juicy hops and a Belgian yeast strain, it was the first AA beer I every tried, and the one that sold me on the brewery. Being an artisanal creation has its drawbacks — this year’s batch isn’t quite as good — but even a mediocre Bedlam knocks most other IPAs out of the park.

fact that Central Waters Brewery is gaining so much traction around the region bodes well for its future. They make two other solid high-gravity stouts — Satin Solstice and Peruvian Morning — but this is the rarest, and by far the best. With prominent but not overpowering bourbon notes, vanilla beans and a slight roasted character, this perfectly complemented the fondue I had at Brasserie V, though I can’t imagine many things this beer wouldn’t complement. 3. Upright Fantasia (5.5% ABV) I’ll just come right out and say it: This is one of the five best beers I’ve ever had. Not just rare beers, not just fruit/sour beers, but one of the best beers ever. The brewery doesn’t even advertise this on their website, I assume because they’re afraid of ruling the world. I smelled this beer for a full five minutes before even tasting it, and took another five to finish a three-ounce sample. I didn’t want it to end. It’s just peach, peach and more peach, with a lip-puckering, vinegary sourness to cut through the sweet. Absolute perfection, and I’ll probably never find it again. 2. Great Dane Black Earth Porter (6% ABV) Again, let me be frank: Great Dane, a restaurant and brewpub with multiple locations throughout Madison, does not generally make very good beer. Their triple and IPA are passable, while their smoked helles and pale ales downright suck. Somehow, against all odds, Black Earth is one of the best porters I’ve ever tasted. There’s nothing complicated about it: deep, prominent chocolate and iced coffee flavors, with pronounced burnt malts and enough sweetness to mellow it out. In other words, exactly what a porter should be. As if that weren’t enough, they always serve it on nitro tap (think Guinness), so it has a silky smooth texture. I could drink this all night. I have, actually.

7. Goose Island King Henry (13.4% ABV) Craft beer nerds can be vicious, and no more so than on a big release day. It’s like the Cornucopia scene in “The Hunger Games”: everyone rushes the display, and a blood orgy ensues. Don’t ask me how I snagged a bottle of this, but it was worth the life I took (with a brick). This sucker started off as an English-style barleywine, but became a completely different animal once Goose Island aged it on 23-yearold Pappy Van Winkle bourbon barrels. Tons of whiskey and toffee dominate it, with a warming, dark fruit finish. I shared this one with three guys, and I still got lightheaded, though that might be because we drank it right after… 6. Three Floyds Behemoth (12% ABV) Three Floyds makes literally no beer that isn’t incredible. Many of their beers are standout examples of the respective style: Dreadnaught (imperial IPA), Alpha Klaus (porter), Brian Boru (Irish red ale), Moloko (milk stout) and others. There is a debate currently raging among people who have nothing better to do, regarding whether to differentiate between traditional barleywines and their more hop-forward varieties. Behemoth is at the forefront of the argument, and with good reason. The taste is pungent, with tongue-prickling citrus, pine and juniper-like astringency. Drink it fresh and don’t chill it (I’m looking at you, Johnson Public House). 5. Two Brothers Bare Tree Weiss Wine (11.2% ABV) Buying beers like this is an act of faith, as the complicated brewing process — a German hefeweizen spiked with Scottish ale yeast, brewed with equal measures of wheat and barley, then oak-aged for a year — inspires both intrigue and apprehension. Dogfish Head’s “Ancient Ales” series is the most prominent example, with the most spectrum-shifting results: Theobroma is weird and decent, Ta Henket makes me sad. Two Brothers, though, nailed it. Immensely drinkable for the strength, this crazy mother is rife with vanilla, apricot and white pepper. Sometimes, gambles pay off. 4. Central Waters Bourbon Barrel Stout (9.5% ABV) Most people don’t even know that Amherst, Wisconsin, is an actual place, so the 19APRIL2012

1. New Glarus Wisconsin Belgian Red (4% ABV) When I said “no particular order,” I meant it. Except for this one. This is the best beer New Glarus makes, which is kind of like saying “these are the best splits that Jean-Claude Van Damme ever did.” Door County, Wisconsin, grows the best cherries in the country, and New Glarus dumps a lot of them into this beer — over a pound per bottle, in fact. Like Fantasia above, this one isn’t complicated — just cherry, cherry, cherry, and holy crap more cherry — with the body of a sparkling wine. Which is appropriate, because they package it in champagne bottles. I can get it anytime I want, and you guys can’t. Still, I do miss Terrapin. Next week, Josh’s column will get political again. Tune in to see what happens when he takes a shot of Everclear every time he types the word “Romney.”

JOSHRUFFIN, an ASU and Metro Spirit alum, is a published journalist and poet,

who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

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By Daniel A. Finan / Edited by Will Shortz 114 117 119 120 121 126 127 128 129 130 131

The Royal Game of India Russia’s ___ Mountains “There is ___!” Refuges One who looks friendly but isn’t 31-Across, for one Like some bad language Hammy, say Compos mentis Spouse’s acquiescence Perched

52 Sasquatch’s kin 53 Torpedo 54 Does some yard work 56 Pan handler 58 Virginia athlete, informally 62 Get ready 64 What a texter of “:-(” might be 65 “Xanadu” group, for short 66 “Oh yeah? ___ who?!” 68 Glimpse 70 Retainers, e.g. 71 N.B.A. forward Lamar ___ Down 72 “Game of Thrones” protagonist 1 Designer Versace ___ Stark 2 Hoofing it 73 Father of a grand duke 3 Coercion 74 Word on a cornerstone 4 Multipurpose 75 Person with a safe job? 5 Private investigator, in slang 79 Sleepers 6 Do a semester’s worth of studying in 80 Run nicely one night, say 82 Home of the Texas Sports Hall 7 Breakfast items often eaten with of Fame spoons 83 Leave thunderstruck 8 “Amscray!” 85 Tyrannosaurus rex, archetypally 9 Total 86 Prepare, as cotton candy 10 “Bad Moon Rising” band, for short 89 “Wake up and smell the coffee!” 11 Yellowfin tuna 90 Not kosher 12 OFF! target 91 Cockney greeting 13 Ex-senator Bayh 92 Head turner 14 Reply to “Gracias” 94 Cross to bear 15 Security crises 98 Dieter 16 Where skaters skate 100 Deutsch marks? 17 Where skaters skate 102 Percussion instrument with a 18 V components pedal 21 Org. 103 Afore 23 Big name in the diamond business? 104 Wiggle room 28 Set (against) 105 “Why not?!” 30 It’s often slanted 106 Quits, slangily 32 What [wink wink] may signify 107 Not stay the same 33 ___ about (approximately) 108 Went back to brunette, say 34 Dungeons & Dragons figure 109 Make ___ at 37 “Dianetics” author ___ Hubbard 110 An Obama girl 38 “Want me to draw you ___?” 111 Check for fit 39 Bedews 115 Drink with a lizard logo 43 Certain angel 116 Slips in pots 44 ___ school 118 Bar car? 45 Canonized mlle. 122 Onetime aid in psychotherapy 46 45, e.g. 123 “Bah!” 47 Western U.S. gas brand 124 Gardner of “The Barefoot 48 Locale for many a lounge chair Contessa” 50 Lounge lizard’s look 125 Tic-tac-toe winner

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Across 1 Split the tab 8 Left 15 McEnroe rival 19 Under development? 20 Put on microfiche, maybe 21 Golfer with an “army” 22 1997 Will Smith/Tommy Lee Jones flick 24 Van Gogh or Monet vista 25 “Frosty” air? 26 Knicks star Anthony, to fans 27 Hikers’ wear 29 General refusal? 31 Attention getter 35 Bishop’s locale 36 Preventive measure, proverbially 40 Yesteryear 41 Huge, to Hugo 42 Prima donnas’ features 46 Skip over water, as stones 49 Some game 51 Headstone phrase 55 Camaro ___-Z 57 Fraction of a min. 59 Phony: Prefix 60 Commercial suffix with Power 61 Baskin-Robbins unit 63 Smooths 67 Athlete wearing a calligraphic “D” logo 69 Lurid 1979 film about John Dillinger’s girlfriend, with “The” 76 Went downhill fast 77 Misses part of a movie, maybe 78 Contortionist’s bendy part 79 Letter seen twice in Philadelphia 81 Stray sounds? 84 Blocks (up) 87 Masculine principle 88 “To be on the safe side …” 93 Bank take-back 95 Seasonal potation 96 Hook hand 97 Stone-pushing Winter Olympian 99 Japanese native 101 Golf ace 109 Rogers’s partner 112 Swiss cheese concoction 113 ___ driver

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S T R A F E D

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A C L U E

S O L O C K R H A R Y O R O U N I N G O E C A R N E Z O N E I V E R E R I R O N

GOT FUNERAL PLANS?

K E G S T O D D S D S C S

Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

16 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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we can just make it from one rock to another… Don’t look back. Move forward. Keep paddling. Why are we cursed with these ridiculous feet? As far as water implementation goes, they’re about as useful as a ping-pong paddle is to a HP LaserJet. If the current wasn’t so strong, the rain so hard, it would be a magnificent sight. Hundreds and hundreds of white dots streaming, hopping, pushing forward. But as it is, it’s a horror. Well, I DIDN’T KNOW we sink like down pillows when we get water logged. HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW THAT!? Every minute or 18 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

two, we lose another. And another. And another. Every lightning flash imprints another image, like a film negative, never to be lost. Oh, how I wish they would have been. Minutes turn to hours. Those lost are just a memory now. Can’t think about them. I have to live. What if no one is left to remember us? My first cousin on my father’s side… he is the strongest of us. He has hopped by me and is leading the charge. What an inspiration. MOVE! MOVE! ALMOST THERE! And then… silence. He must have slipped. He’ll pop up any second for sure. He saved me from a bastard rat terrier once. I never

told him how much I appreciated him for that. Hallelujah! There he is! On the bank! Is this really the time to be doing a celebratory chicken dance? Judge later. LETS MOVE PEOPLE! ALMOST THERE! In the end, we lost half. Everyone was related to or knew someone who went gone. We don’t speak of them anymore. What was once a fear of no one being left to remember has turned to a fear of not being able to forget. So goes the myth of the Great Chicken Crossing. It’s a Native American myth passed down

through the generations. But the western settlers passed down a story of their own, one of a lost and desperate group of starving settlers who happened by the banks of the Savannah and watched dumbfounded from the woods as a large exodus of chickens inexplicably crossed the river, feathery manna from heaven. The chickens didn’t last long — this both myths confirm. All died but one, and the nourishment they provided allowed the settlers to survive long enough to meet up with another group who would aid them and stay with them and eventually help them 19APRIL2012

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celebrate the Great Chicken Crossing every year on April 21. That one survivor? Legend has it that it continues to roam the woods by the chicken rocks, growing larger and angrier and ever plotting its revenge.

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AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Jim Beck, Trey Effinger & David Hopkins

Whether or not you believe the myth of the Great Chicken Crossing, one thing is indisputable — come rain or come shine, this Saturday, from noon until 7 p.m., the area right beside the waterfall on the Columbia County side of the canal is going to be commemorating the event with a free, family friendly event. The Metro Spirit’s Chicken and Beer Festival will have craft beer, live music, some enterprising construction, Global Spectrum handing out freebies and, of course, chicken. So much chicken, in fact, that it’s going to take multiple food vendors to serve it up. Crums on Central will be bringing their grill, while Maryland Fried Chicken and DiChickO’s will be there as well. Jim Beck with French Market Grille West? He’ll be on hand, too, but he’s leaving the chicken to the other three. “We’re definitely going to have some of our fried chicken, which we marinate overnight and hand bread every day,” says David Hopkins, part owner of the Evans Maryland Friend Chicken location. Along with biscuits, he’s also bringing two sides — green beans and macaroni and cheese. Though there are three Maryland Fried Chicken locations in the Augusta area, the Chicken and Beer Festival is being supplied by the newest location in Evans. Because the store isn’t that far away, Hopkins says he’s going to treat the festival like a really big catering job. “Since we’re so close, if we’re needing more chicken, we’ll just zip back over to the store and have them fire it up,” he says. Though catering will eventually represent a healthy percentage of his business, he says many people in the area are unaware that he offers that service out of the Evans location, and up to now he hasn’t pushed it. “Being that we’re a new location, we just now started marketing that we cater because we wanted to work out all the inefficiencies with the new store without burdening the customers,” he says. “But

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it can be a significant part of our business and it’s something we’re very interested in growing.” When it comes to chicken, DiChickO’s Peri-Peri Café is making sure Augusta is eating Peri-Peri chicken along with the rest of the world. “Peri-Peri is a pepper,” explains Heather DiCicco. “It’s indigenous to the southern portion of Africa, so we just say South Africa since that’s where my husband is from. He grew up on it.” Given the popularity, it’s probably a good thing that DiCicco is bringing both the Classic Red Grilled Chicken Sandwich and the Peri-Peri Chicken Salad. The Classic Red Grilled Chicken Sandwich is a Peri-Peri grilled chicken breast, grilled pineapple and provolone cheese on a Kaiser roll. “Peri-Peri grilled chicken over there is probably about as much of its own food group as barbecue chicken is here,” DiCicco says. “It’s its own whole thing.” While extremely popular across the globe, it’s only recently hit American shores in any kind of big way. Currently, DiCicco says there are seven Peri-Peri restaurants in Washington, D.C. “It’s got a lot more flavor,” she says of the sauce. “The way we make it is basically the way you make soup. You sort of start off sautéing onions and garlic in olive oil and then build on it like that, adding the peppers toward the end.” 20 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The garlic flavor sauce has 13 different herbs and spices. “We make nine different sauces that use that pepper as the signature ingredient,” she says. “Then, there’s a wing sauce and a marinade.” The sauces will be available at the festival for both spreading and buying. If anyone would possibly know the story of the Great Chicken Crossing you’d figure it would be Henry Wynn, who’s both a musician as well as an artist. Not much gets by Wynn, so if he hasn’t heard the story, you’ve got to wonder. Still, you get the feeling Wynn knows a lot of other things he keeps to himself, too. Wynn and his son, Henry Wynn Jr., are well-known local performers. When they perform together, it’s magic. “When you’re related to somebody, you can really telepathically communicate, especially in music,” he says. “I don’t know if it is that blood thing or what.” Wynn plays a steel string acoustic guitar, while the younger Wynn plays a classical-style violin. “Musically, he’s so far above what I do,” Wynn says of his son. “I’m kind of at a Peter, Paul and Mary level and he’s so far beyond that.” Playing a wide range of musical styles, from bluegrass to classical to Americana, about the only thing that trips them up is what to call themselves. “We called ourselves the Henrys, but we’ve added an upright bass player,

Devren Roff,” Wynn says. “My wife suggested the Roffers, but he didn’t go for that, so we’re just going by the Henrys plus Devren. Or whatever.” When they’re not playing, bluegrass music will be airing over the sound system. Despite being veteran performers, neither Wynn is all that comfortable in the limelight, which makes an outdoor festival like Chicken and Beer all the more enjoyable for him. “Playing outside gives you a lot more freedom,” he says. “I feel a lot more relaxed playing outside than playing inside on a stage.” One thing he’s learned over the years — beer drinkers like their music fast, which means the Henrys and Devren should get a workout. Just like the successful ETCP Spring Festival, AB Beverage’s Craft and Import Manager Mike Marty is bringing a tailored collection of craft beers. “Beer drinkers usually go lighter about this time of year,” he says. “As it gets warmer, they tend to get lighter in color and lighter in body. Most summer beers have a fruity kind of undertone to them.” Topping off Marty’s list is Lazy Magnolia’s Southern Pecan, Lazy Magnolia’s Jefferson Stout and a new release from New Belgium called Shift. “The Shift pale lager is definitely a really great summer beer,” Marty says. “Lazy Magnolia’s Southern Pecan is also a good summer beer, with a little bit of sweetness in it.”

Even the Jefferson Stout is a lighter-bodied stout, so it’s not overwhelmingly heavy or dark. “We’re trying to have a little bit of everything, but we’re definitely going to be leaning heavily on the lighter beers.” And if the Spring Festival was any indication, Chicken and Beer should draw some beer lovers. “More people showed up that what we had forecasted,” he says. “Being a new venue, we didn’t have a lot of historical data to look at, so it was just a guess at how many people were going to show up.” In other words, those issues with the long beer lines — they’ve got it covered. For one thing, Savannah Rapids is a smaller venue, and for another thing, the promoters have ironed out that snarled those lines at Evans Town Center Park. And though wine snobs seem to have a corner on the whole foodpairing thing, Marty says beer complements chicken perfectly. “We’re expecting a large variety of different types of chicken, so we want to remind people that if they’re looking for something really spicy, a good IPA is a good beer to go with that.” Lastly, those who have come to expect silent auctions out of Metro Spirit events won’t leave the Chicken and Beer Festival disappointed. This time around, carpenter Ken Davis will be working with pallets. Yes, pallets. With 100 percent of the silent auction proceeds going to the Augusta Training Shop and Diamonds in the Ruff, the pallet furniture should generate a lot of bidding, especially since organizers have moved away from their initial concept, which was an outhouse. Thankfully, cooler minds prevailed. “I said, what about doing something like a poolside bar,” Maryland Fried Chicken’s Hopkins says. “From there, the ideas ran wild.” Full sized bars, coffee tables, wine racks, bookshelves — as long as Davis and the pallets hold out, the list is endless. “There’s a big rave on the internet right now about constructing pieces of art or pieces of furniture out of pallets,” Hopkins says. “It’s very ecofriendly, which is important to us, and there’s no limits to what you can build with them.” So there you have it — Chicken and Beer and the myth that started it all. Raise a glass for the chickens and have a wing for those starving settlers. And keep an eye out for the chicken that got away. 19APRIL2012

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ENTERTAIN

Grammy nominated bluegrass group the Grascals headline the last event in the Aiken Performing Ar ts Group’s 2012 season and, during their performance, will honor the 50th anniversary of “The Andy Griffith Show.” The group’s two shows are Thursday and Friday, April 26 and 27, at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Ar ts. Tickets are $30 for adults and $15 for students. Call 803-648-1438 or visit apagonline.org.

Arts

Mad Potters End of the Semester Pottery Sale continues Thursday, April 19, and Friday, April 20, from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. at the front entrance of Augusta State under the white tents. Visit aug.edu. Art Now, featuring videogame theorist, artist and poet Ian Bogost, is Thursday, April 26, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. After the discussion will be a reception featuring food, cocktails and music by Sure Eel. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Arabesque Winds, presented by the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society, performs at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, April 20, at the Maxwell Theatre as part of the ASU Lyceum Series. $25; children, $7. Call 706-6674100 or visit aug.edu The Columbia County Civic Orchestra, featuring the men’s chorus and South Boundary, performs Saturday, April 21, at 3 p.m. at Genesis Church in Martinez. Free. Visit columbiacco.org. Brahms Ein Deutsches Requiem, performed by the Augusta Choral Society, is Saturday, April 21, at 7:30 p.m. at St. Paul’s Church. $10-$25. Call 706-8264713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org. The Columbia County Civic Orchestra, featuring the men’s chorus and South Boundary, performs Sunday, April 22, at 3 p.m. at First Baptist Church in Aiken. $10. Visit columbiacco.org.

Window on the West: Views from the American Frontier, an exhibition of more than 60 paintings and works on paper from artists including Frederick Remington, Karl Bodmer and John James Audubon, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through July 22. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

A Step Up perform as part of Garden City Jazz’s Candlelight Jazz Preview, a series of five concerts before the regular season begins in May. The concert is Sunday, April 22, at the 8th Street River Stage downtown at 7 p.m. $6. Visit gardencityjazz.com.

Georgia Artists with Disabilities Juried Art Show shows the month of April at Walton Rehabilitation Health System. Call 706-826-5809 or visit wrh.org.

ASU Choir Concert is Tuesday, April 24, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu

Georgia’s Coastal Isles: Landscapes, Plants & Architecture, an exhibition by Ann Marie Dalis, shows at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through April 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Garden City Chorus performs Tuesday, April 24, at 7:30 p.m. at the North Augusta Library. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Music

ASU Wind Ensemble performs Thursday, April 19, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5. Call 706-6674100 or visit aug.edu. Moonlight Music Cruise featuring Eryn Eubanks & the Family Fold is Friday, April 20, at 6:30 p.m. at the Augusta Canal. Participants are invited to bring snacks and drinks to the one and a half hour Petersburg Boat cruise. $25. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. 19APRIL2012

holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706-3644069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Brown Bag Book Club, featuring “The Library of Shadows” by Mikkel Birkegaard, is Thursday, April 19, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meeting, featuring “Heaven Is for Real” by Todd Burpo, is Thursday, April 19, at 4 p.m. at the Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meeting, featuring “Reaching Back” by Nea Anna Simone, is Thursday, April 19, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Used Book Sale, hosted by the Friends of the Augusta Library, is Saturday, April 21, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Maxwell Morning Book Club, featuring “A Reliable Wife” by Robert Goolrick, is Thursday, April 26, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

ASU Orchestra holds a Concerto Competition Winners Concert and Fundraiser at the Maxwell Theatre on Thursday, April 26, at 7:30 p.m. $5. Call 706-6674100 or visit aug.edu

Dance

The Grascals perform in a 50th Anniversary Tribute to the Andy Griffith Show on Thursday-Friday, April 26-27, at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. $30, adults; $15, students. Call 803-648-1438 or visit apagonline.org.

Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 6 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts

Tango Night is every Thursday, 7-9:30 p.m., at Casa Blanca Cafe, 936 Broad Street. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com.

Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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visit free. Call 706-399-2477.

Theater

Quickies, a short play festival, is at Le Chat Noir on April 20-21 and 26-28 at 8 p.m. $20. Call 706-7223322 or visit lcnaugusta.com. “Twelfth Night,” a production of the Aiken Community Playhouse, shows April 20-21 at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. $7-$20. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com. Auditions for “The Tortoise vs. the Hare,” a Missoula Children’s Theatre production, are Monday, April 23, from 4:30-6:30 p.m. at Fort Gordon Youth Services Gym, building 45410. Approximately 50 local students will be cast and some rehearsals will begin approximately 30 minutes after auditions. The free workshop will continue every evening and the performance will be held Saturday, April 28, at 1 p.m. in Alexander Hall. Email steven.r.walpert.naf@mail.mil. “By Bye Birdie,” a production of Harlem High School’s drama department, is April 25-28 at 7 p.m. and April 28 at 3 p.m. $10. Call 706-556-5980 or email harlemdrama@gmail.com.

Flix

Lunch and Learn Poetry Movie Series, featuring Edgar Allan Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart,” is Thursday, April 19, at noon at the Headquarters Branch Library. Participants are invited to bring a lunch. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

“J. Edgar” shows Tuesday, April 24, at 6 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

from the Mike Watson Band and the Lockdown Blues Band, as well as beer and barbecue. $5. Call 706-3127192 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

Special Events

Earth Day 2012 at Phinizy Swamp Nature Park is Saturday, April 21, and begins with the Swamp Stomp 5K at 8 a.m. From 10 a.m.-2 p.m., the park will host booths and activities for all ages. The race is $23, including a T-shirt; all other activities are free. Call 706-828-2109 or visit naturalsciencesacademy.org.

Inshop Tasting is Thursday, April 19, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World in North Augusta. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase of one of the night’s six featured wines. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. GHSU Earth Day Celebration is Friday, April 20, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at Pavilion 3 and the Student Center courtyard. Among the vendor tables will be Golden Living Centers. Call 706-550-4846 or visit georgiahealth.edu. Sixth Annual Yellow Jessamine Festival is Friday, April 20, from 5-8 p.m., and Saturday, April 21, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on the streets in downtown North Augusta. Call 803-441-4300 or visit northaugusta.net. The Ninth Annual Olde Towne Artisans’ Fair at North Augusta’s Living History Park begins Friday, April 20, from 5-7 p.m. with a preview party. The fair is Saturday, April 21, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m., and Sunday, April 22, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. The event includes work from local artists and artisans, as well as live music, entertainment and more. Call 803-279-7560 or visit colonialtimes.us.

“Stagecoach” shows Friday, April 20, at noon at the Morris Museum of Art. After the movie, museum director Kevin Grogan will lead a discussion. Participants are invited to bring a lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

10th Annual Raft Debate is Friday, April 20, at 6 p.m. at the GHSU Student Center. Hosted by the Alumni Association, the exercise puts the fate of an internist, pediatrician and surgeon, all theoretically aboard a sinking ship, in the hands of medical students. Students and staff will debate who deserves the spot on a one-person raft. A dinner reception follows at 7:30 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7217354 or email mgable@georgiahealth.edu.

“War Horse” shows Saturday, April 21, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Blues, Brews & BBQ is Friday, April 20, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Amphitheater and features live music

22 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

St. Thaddeus Home & Garden Tour is Saturday, April 21, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. in Aiken’s historic Highland Park neighborhood. The event also includes a Heritage Market in the church parish hall and a Strawberries and Cream and Tea in the church’s tea garden from 3-5 p.m. $25; $20 for groups of 15 or more. Call 803-648-5497. Chicken & Beer, a craft beer festival, is Saturday, April 21, from noon-7 p.m., at the Savannah Rapids Pavilion. The family friendly event features live music, furniture making and more. Free. Behind the Scenes is a program on Saturday, April 21, from 4-6 p.m. at Redcliffe Plantation State Historic Site on Beech Island. $18. Pre-registration required. Call 803-827-1473 or email redcliffe@scprt.com. Garden Tea, a traditional Victorian tea in the style of a Japanese-style tea service that includes musicians, origami, the tying of the Kimono and more, is Sunday, April 22, at 5 p.m. in the gardens of Mrs. and Mrs. R. Daniel Blanton. Gardens open at 4 p.m. $100. Pre-registration required. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartgardenfestival.com. SuCCessful Superwoman’s Brunch and Administrative Professionals Day Expo and Networking event is Wednesday, April 25, at 11 a.m. The program, featuring JoAnn Corley, co-author of “Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Success,” begins at noon. Call 706-651-0018.

Rich Heritage, Dynamic Future, Georgia Health Sciences University’s Homecoming, is April 25-29 and will include events such as class reunions, bus tours and cookout and dance. For a full list of events and registration information, call 706-721-3430 or visit http://giving.georgiahealth.edu/homecoming. Garden Festival Preview Party is Thursday, April 26, at 7 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center and includes food, live music by Daddy Grace and a first viewing of the festival. $65. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartgardenfestival.com. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. The Augusta Market at the River is every Saturday through October 27 from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. at the 8th Street Bulkhead and features produce, arts and crafts and more for sale, as well as live music and entertainment. Call 706-627-0128 or visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

Using Your Brain Power, a presentation by Alzheimer’s Association Regional Program Director Kathy Tuckey, is Thursday, April 19, at 11:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-6716 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Childbirth Education 101 is Thursday, April 19, at 6 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Nutrition and Cancer Class meets Thursday, April 19, at 6 p.m. at University Heart and Vascular Center. Preregistration required. Visit universityhealth.org. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. at Babies R Us. Free, but pre-registration required. Call

19APRIL2012

13 Weeks | 13 Themes 1 FUN Summer! KROC CENTER CAMPS | 2012 | tHE BEST SUMMER YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL EVER HAVE!

General Information:

Bring your bathing suit, towel & tennis shoes! Lunch and a snack will be provided!

1 2 3 4 5 6

Ages 5-12! Members | $125 Nonmembers | $150 Per week!

The Amazing Race | May 21-25

Let's go around the world on a global scavenger hunt. Complete certain challenges every day and get a stamp on your passport.

Challenge Week | May 28-June1

Every day is like a field day! Minute to Win It challenges, obstacle courses and lots of fun!!

Raiders of the Lost Kroc | June 4-8

Go on week long scavenger hunt at the Kroc Center. Every day you will have a new list of items and people to find.

Hawaiian Hullabaloo | June 11-15

This week we will have a Hawaiian luau. Learn how to hula, listen to Hawaiian music and make island crafts.

Water World | June 18-22

What better way to cool off from the summer heat than to get drenched with water sports and fun? Come splash around!

Kroc Star Olympics | June 25-29

Who will be our Kroc Star Gold Medalist? Compete in different Olympic competitions this week and even make up your own.

Meet new friends!

Explore the Kroc Center!

Race your way to the top at the Kroc Star Olympics!

Too Fit to Quit | July 2-6

Lets have fun getting fit this week! Every day a new activity that can keep you in shape, while having fun completing it!

Christmas in July | July 9-13

Christmas is such an exciting holiday, why not celebrate it again? Come for a week of Christmas crafts, snacks and fun.

Emergency Services | July 16-20

Come meet and learn about the men and women that dedicate themselves to keeping you and your family safe.

Game Show Mania | July 23-27

Have fun with your friends competing in game show challenges! Each day will feature a different game show.

Tons of Talent |July 30-August 3

Do you have a talent you would like to show off? This week we will show our different talents and appreciate other people’s talent too.

Everything 80’s |August 6-10

The 80’s are back and they are at the Kroc Center! Join us for games, activities and a dance party that goes straight back to the 80’s.

Around the World | August 13-17

Explore all around the world on your very own global tour. Complete challenges every day and get a stamp on your passport.

Raiders of the Lost Kroc!

7 8 9 10 11 12 13

ĂŠ f a C c o r K

Drinks

Soft Drink, Iced Tea, Juice Small Coffee Large Coffee

Breakfast Menu

Cold Items

Muffins Bagel Yogurt Fresh Fruit Fruit Cup Breakfast Bar

$1.25 $1.10 $1.25

$1.00 $1.25 $1.25 $0.75 $2.95 $1.00

Grilled Items

2 Eggs (Add Cheese for $.25) 2 Slices of Bacon 2 Sausage Patties Toast with Butter & Jelly Hash Browns Grits Oatmeal Sausage Biscuit Biscuit with Sausage Gravy

Combo Meals

2 Eggs, Hash Browns, Sausage & Toast Ham & Cheese Omelet, Sausage & Toast Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit w/ Hash Browns Pancakes or French Toast w/ Sausage or Bacon

$1.25 $1.25 $1.75 $1.10 $1.00 $1.00 $1.50 $1.55 $1.55 $4.50 $5.15 $4.00 $5.15

Grill Items Available for lunch and dinner Includes 1 Side Item and Drink Reuben Sandwich

Toasted Rye Bread, Corned Beef, Sauerkraut, 1000 Island and Swiss Cheese

Grilled Chicken Sandwich

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Fried Chicken Sandwich

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Hamburger

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Veggie Burger

Served on a Grilled Bun with Lettuce, Tomato and Onion

Weekly Lunch Entrees Monday

Pork Roast or Fried Chicken

Tuesday

Chicken Teriyaki or Baked Ham

Wednesday

Italian Meatloaf or Baked Ziti

Thursday

Chicken Fajita or Steak Fajita

Friday

Shrimp and Grits or Catch of the Day

Healthy Choice Burger

Cafe Line Pricing 1 Entree & 1 Hot Side (Beverage Included) 1 Entree & 2 Hot Sides (Beverage Included) Soup & Side Salad (Beverage Included) Veggie Plate (Choose 3 & Beverage Included) A la Carte Side Salad Hot Side Item Salad Bar Dessert

Served with Cottage Cheese and Fruit Salad

$6.00 $7.00 $5.00 $4.50 $5.00 $3.00 $1.50 $5.00 $1.50

Patty Melt

Toasted Rye Bread, Burger Cheese and Sauteed Onions

BLT

Toast Rye Bread with Applewood Smoked Bacon, Lettuce and Tomatoes Sides: French Fries, Sweet Potato Fries, Onion Rings

$6.00

$6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00 $6.00

V23|NO16

706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Baby 101, a newborn care class, is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Lamaze Childbirth Education Class, which includes a tour of the Family Focused Childbirth unit, is Saturday, April 21, from 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. You’re a Big Girl Now, a class on puberty and adolescence for girls ages 9-12 along with their mothers, is Saturday, April 21, from 10 a.m.-noon at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Visit doctors-hospital.net. HUG Your Baby, a class that offers help, understanding and guidance for families preparing for the birth of an infant, is Monday, April 23, at 4 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Family and Friends Adult/Child CPR, a class taught by an instructor for Georgia Health Sciences University, is Monday, April 23, at 6 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Birth Stories and Cinema Circle, hosted by Trust Birth Augusta, meets Monday, April 23, at 7 p.m. at Steinle Wellness Center. Call 706-833-5101 or email trustbirthaugusta@comcast.net. Baby U: Common Illnesses During Your Child’s First Year, a free seminar led by pediatrician Matthew Threadgill, is Tuesday, April 24, at 6:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s cafeteria dining rooms 1-3. Light refreshments will be served. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

19APRIL2012

Walton Behavioral Medicine Open House is Wednesday, April 25, from 5-7 p.m. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-823-5211 or visit wrh.org.

at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute (Classroom 3). Call 706-774-5548 or visit universityhealth.org.

Free Oral Cancer Screenings are Thursday, April 26, from 8 a.m.-noon at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706721-6744 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Adapted Wii Special Populations available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y, and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, non-members. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9662 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Introduction to Infant CPR is Thursday, April 26, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Seminar is Thursday, April 26, at 7 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2609 or visit georgiahealth. org/weightloss. Child Safety Seat Inspections and Car Seat Class, sponsored by Safe Kids East Central, are offered by appointment at either the Safe Kids Office or MartinezColumbia Fire Rescue. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth.org/safekids. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m. at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of Georgia Health Sciences University. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Orientation is every Monday at 6 p.m. and Tuesday at 2 p.m.

Support

Look Good… Feel Better Cancer Support Group for women meets Thursday, April 19, at 5:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-0466 or visit georgiahealth.org. Young Women with Breast Cancer support group meets Friday, April 20, at 12:30 p.m. at University Hospital’s Breast Health Center. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Parkinson’s Disease Support Group meets Tuesday, April 24, at 6 p.m. at St. Johns Towers. Call 706-8636355 or visit universityhealth.org. Insulin Pumpers support group meets Thursday, April 26, at 6 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-8683027 or visit universityhealth.org. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-855-2419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Aurora Pavilion), and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Burn Support Group meets every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and

friends are welcome. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at Georgia Health Sciences Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Internet Basics is a two-session class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that is Thursday, April 19 and May 3, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Applications are now begin accepted for Leadership Columbia County’s Class of 2013. Deadline for applications is Thursday, April 19, at 5 p.m. Call 706651-0018 or visit columbiacountychamber.com. Introduction to Word is Thursday, April 19, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Bible Teaching Seminar is Saturday, April 21, at noon at the Friedman Branch Library. Participants should bring their Bibles. Free. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Digital Camera Classes at the Columbia County Library include Out of the Box on Monday, April 23, at 10 a.m. and Out of the Camera on Monday, April 23, at 1 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Internet Basics Microsoft PowerPoint is a threesession class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that is Monday, April 23 and 30 and May 7, at 6 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Introduction to Excel is Tuesday, April 24, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 23

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required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. PowerPoint I computer class is Wednesday, April 25, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Internet for Beginners computer class is Wednesday, April 25, from 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Operating Systems and Software is a two-session class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that is Wednesday, April 25 and May 2, at 6 p.m. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Searching the Internet computer class is Thursday, April 26, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Excel for Beginners computer class is Thursday, April 26, at 1:30 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Medicare Questions Answered is a presentation Thursday, April 26, at 4 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. Introduction to Computers, Part B, is Thursday, April 26, at 6:30 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Work Networking Group is held each Monday from 8:30-10 a.m. at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. A networking and informational meeting for anyone looking for a job, the group meets in room 206 of the Asbury Building and is facilitated by

career and business professionals. Call 803-279-7525 or email doctor@pritchardgroup.com. GED classes are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. and every Monday-Thursday at 9:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). PINES library card required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Computer classes are offered every Thursday at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL classes are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. at Headquarters Branch Library (Third Floor Writing Lab). Pre-registration required. Call Charles Garrick at 803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org. Intermediate Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 2:30-4 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Beginner’s Spanish Language Class is each Monday from 4-5 p.m. at Friedman Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

16th Annual Take Back the Night Rally is Thursday, April 19, on the front lawn of ASU’s Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre with community information and activities from 6-7 p.m. and speakers and a candlelight campus walk from 7-8 p.m. Call 706-724-5200, 706-7371471 or 706-821-8282. Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament, a fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, is Sunday, May 20, at Goshen Plantation Golf Club with a 1:30 p.m. tee time. Preregistration required. Call 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org. Symphony Orchestra Augusta’s Fifth Annual Golf

Classic is Monday, April 23, at the Augusta Country Club and begins with registration at 10 a.m. Benefitting the SOA’s education and community engagement programs, the tournament begins at 1 p.m. and registration fee includes lunch, the reception that follows the tournament, cart and greens fees and more. $250. Call 706-826-4704 or visit soaugusta.org. Spay-Ghetti Dinner, Raffle and Bake Sale, a benefit for the Columbia County Humane Society and Dogwood Park Spay/Neuter Clinic, is Thursday, April 26, from 5-7:30 p.m. at Marvin United Methodist Church. Adults, $7; Children, $4. Take out available. Call 706-5412911 or visit columbiacountyhumanesociety.org. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

Augusta and Fort Gordon Warrior Run, featuring a 5K, 10K and 1-mile Fun Run, is Saturday, April 21, at 7:30 a.m. at the Signal Tower on Chamberlain Avenue on Fort Gordon. $10-$35. Visit active.com. Miles4Melanoma is a 5K that will be held Saturday, April 21, at 8:30 a.m. at Lake Olmstead Park. Visit miles4melanomaga.org. Waterworks and Working Waters, part of the Augusta Canal’s Discovery Walk series, is Saturday, April 21, at 10 a.m., and Sunday, April 22, at 3 p.m. Free for Canal Keep members; $2, non-members. Call 706-8230440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta GreenJackets play the Kannapolis Intimidators on Tuesday-Thursday, April 24-26, at 7:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. $7-$11. Call 706-736-

7889 or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com. BlazeSports Swim Team, for all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition, meets at the Wilson Family Y. $35 a month, members; $50 a month, non-members. Preregistration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Wheelchair Tennis is each Monday at 6 p.m., weather permitting, at the Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or visit alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered Monday-Saturday at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m., and Sunday at 1:30, 3 and 4:30 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Join These Proud Sponsors! ADS Security • Advanced Disposal • Aiken Technical College • Augusta Recreation, Parks, & Facilities • Bob Richards Automotive Group • Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association • Coca-Cola • Comcast • Dickinson Architects • First Bank of Georgia • Fox Appliance Parts • Georgia Health Sciences University • Hull Barrett Attorneys • • Jim Hudson Lexus • Pollock • Proline Security • Queensborough National Bank & Trust • R.D. Brown Contractors • Regions Bank • Smith, Brown, & Groover • Washington Road Self Storage • xpedx

A Special Thanks To Augusta Rowing Club • W. R. Toole Engineers, Inc.

Media Sponsors

The Augusta Chronicle • Beasley Broadcast Group, Inc • WJBF • Powerserve

Free Admission! Boat Races, Food, & Family Fun! First Annual Dragon Boat Festival April 28, 2012, 9 AM - 3 PM Lake Olmstead, Augusta Info: 706-650-5760 or www.GoodBoats.org 24 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Kids

Zumba with Sohailla is every Saturday from 10-11 a.m. at the Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. Call 706-4216168 or visit zumbawithsohailla.blogspot.com.

Authors Scavenger Hunt, a young adult program, is Friday, April 20, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067 or visit augustamuseum.org. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. and features food and drinks afterwards. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Hott Shott Disc Golf is each Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Killer B Disc Golf, 863 Broad Street, and features games and prizes for all ages and skill levels. $2. Call 706-814-7514 or visit killerbdiscgolf.blogspot. com/p/hott-shott.

Rainy Day Craft Workshop for those ages 3-5 is Thursday, April 19, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Teen Poetry Open Mic Night at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta is Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Feeling Ant’sy, an indoor-outdoor program on ants for children ages 5 and up, is Saturday, April 21, at 10 a.m. at Reed Creek Park. Children must be accompanied by an adult and preregistration is required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Master Drawing for the Comically Inclined, a youth artist workshop led by Xavier Jones, is SaturdaySunday, April 21-22, from noon-4 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. $35, members; $45, non-members. Paid pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Go Fly a Kite, an event for those ages 6-11, is Saturday, April 21, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Parent’s Night Out is Saturday, April 21, from 5:30-9 p.m. at the Family Y of Aiken County. Open to children ages 2-12, it is $12 for Family Y members and $20 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Visit thefamilyy.org. Celebrate Earth Day, a special story time, is Tuesday, April 24, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch

Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Pirate and Princess Tea Party, a story time and dress up event for kids of all ages, is Tuesday, April 24, at 3:45 p.m. at Fort Gordon’s Woodworth Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-791-7323 or visit fortgordon.com.

Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Maxwell Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org.

Young Adult Poetry Contest Awards Night is Wednesday, April 25, from 7-8 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Open to the public. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. To the Moon and Beyond shows Saturdays in April at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium in Aiken. $5.50, adults; $4.50, seniors; $3.50, 4K-12 students; $1, USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit http://rspec.usca.edu/planetarium. Spring Fling at Graystone Ranch Wildlife Education Center in Hephzibah continues through April 30 and is open Saturdays from 10 a.m.-one hour after dark and Sundays from noon-one hour after dark. It is also open weekdays by appointment. Visits include hiking trails, lakes, exotic animal tours, a petting zoo, hayrides, boat rides and more. Easter egg hunts and photos with the Easter bunny are available through Easter. $10, with children receiving half off with one paying adult. Visit graystoneranch.com. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10-11:15 a.m. at Wallace Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Story Time is every Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. at Harlem Branch Library. Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Story Time is every Wednesday at Appleby Branch Library from 10:05-10:20 a.m. for toddlers 18 months-35 months, and from 10:30-11:15 a.m. for preschoolers ages 3 and up. Parent must stay with child. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Groups of six or more must preregister. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:15-10:45 a.m. for Pre-K, and 11:30-11:55 a.m. for toddlers at Aiken County Public Library. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Story Time is every Tuesday at 10 a.m. at Friedman Branch Library. Groups of six or more must pre-

Story Time is every Wednesday from 10:30-11 a.m. for toddlers and 11:15-11:45 a.m. for preschoolers at

DON’T SNOOZE... Low Rat es END

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AMAZINGLY LOW LOAN RATES!

The April car sale is here at Health Center Credit Union!

APRIL ONLY! RATES AS LOW AS

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*Terms of 36 months estimated monthly payment of $28.97 per $1000.00 borrowed. Rates subject to loan term, credit history and underwriting factors. Mortgage loans excluded. Effective April 1, 2012 through April 30, 2012. Down payment may be required based on credit history. All credit union loan programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change at any time without notice.

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North Augusta Branch Library. Call 803-279-5767 or abbe-lib.org.

Seniors

AARP Driver Safety Program is Thursday-Friday, April 19-20, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $14, with a $2 discount for AARP members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Senior Citizen Health and Fitness Expo is Tuesday, April 24, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Shiloh Community Center and will include representatives from area organizations devoted to assisting seniors, as well as cooking demos, games, prizes and more. Call 706-738-0089. Senior Breakfast and Lunch Jazz Concert is Thursday, April 26, at 9 a.m. at the Shiloh Community Center. Breakfast ends at 10 a.m., after which time participants are invited to stay for games and fitness. The concert, featuring Bill Karp, begins at noon. Free for seniors, but preregistration required. Call 706-738-0089. Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.3:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org. Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:308:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

Docent Training at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum is Thursday, April 26, at 10 a.m. at the facility. Docents, once trained, open and close the hall of fame, greet visitors and provide information. Call 803-642-7650 or email halloffame@ cityofaikensc.gov. VISTA associates needed by the United Way for 20 summer positions they need to fill. Volunteers work nine weeks between June 1-August 5 and positions are available for those ages 18-24. Associates will receive a bi-weekly allowance, and applications are being accepted now. Call 706-724-5544 or visit americorps.gov. Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

Elsewhere

Thursday Nights at the High, a special event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta, offers half price tickets from 4-8 p.m. each Thursday. A guided tour is offered at 6:30 p.m. Call 404-733-4200 or visit high.org.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The dealine for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Augusta Archaeological Society meets Thursday, April 19, at Sabi Japanese Steakhouse in Evans. Dinner is at 6:30 p.m.; the program is at 8 p.m. Call 706-863-7964.

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VALERIEEMERICK

Saying Goodbye Harlem High’s production of “Bye Bye Birdie” marks the end of an era When Roy Lewis first arrived at Harlem High School, there was no drama department. “They had a senior musical every year,” he explained “but no real theater department.” That was 30 years ago and, since then, Lewis has worked diligently not only to build the theater program and help it to flourish, but also “to teach the kids life skills and confidence so that they can succeed, not just here, but in everything they do.” Lewis has not only accomplished that, but a whole lot more. During his tenure, he and his students have garnered local, regional, state and international awards for the Harlem High Drama Department. He has been awarded the Leighton Ballew Award for outstanding theatre director for the Georgia Theatre Conference and was named Outstanding Director at the Southeastern Theatre Conference in 2011, where Harlem High represented the state of Georgia in the Southeastern festival. Lewis is listed as a member of the Hall of Fame for the Georgia Theater Conference and Georgia Thespians for outstanding years of service to secondary theater in the state of Georgia. Under his guidance, Harlem High School’s Drama Department has won at least 20 region titles, won state in 1991 and was selected by the American High School Theatre Festival from about 500 applicants to fill one of the 30 slots at the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 2002. And now, an era is ending. The upcoming production of “Bye Bye Birdie” will be the last show directed by Roy Lewis at Harlem High. His presence will be sorely missed. “He’s a fantastic teacher and mentor — he puts his heart into every production — he just cares for the theater so much,” said Ashton Montgomery, who plays the role of Rosie Alvarez in “Bye Bye Birdie.” “Mr. Lewis knows how to guide and push you, agreed Satin Downing, who plays Doris MacAfee. “I started out quiet and very shy, and he brought me out into the light.” Lewis says he is just as grateful for the students as they are for him. He also expressed thanks for everyone else who has worked on the “Bye Bye Birdie” production, taking special care to praise the community, the Booster Club,

19APRIL2012

music director Phillip Streetman and choreographer Nathan Lubeck, as well as the students involved. To help the students feel more connected to the production, the final one of Harlem High’s season, and to their characters, Lewis had them research what life was like, particularly in Harlem, in 1958, the year the story takes place. The story is an American satire inspired by Elvis Presley getting drafted into the Army in 1957. “It’s full of themes that we can all relate to today,” said Phillip Streetman, the musical director. “It’s wild, crazy and fun — and a really interesting story,” Satin Downing added, “and I could really relate to it, since I’m going into the army after high school.” It is just one example of Lewis’ above and beyond approach to theater that students say they’ll miss most about him. “Working with Mr. Lewis has been extraordinary — he pushes the students to do more than just doing it or not doing it — he really encourages everyone to give their all, ” said student Gregory Pitts, who plays Albert Peterson. “Mr. Lewis is aweinspiring as a teacher and person — he really encourages everyone to do as much as they possibly can because you can’t do life halfway. He won’t settle for second best and teaches us that people shouldn’t settle for second best in themselves either.” “Bye Bye Birdie” Harlem High School April 25-28, 7 p.m. April 28, 3 p.m. $10 706-556-5980 harlemdrama@gmail.com

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BOX TOPS

Katniss could really put that bow to good use on the stars of the No. 2 movie. Just sayin’. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

THE HUNGER GAMES

$21,096,824

$336,666,363

THE THREE STOOGES

$17,010,125

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

$14,743,614

TITANIC 3D

$11,930,249

$44,723,819

AMERICAN REUNION

$10,473,810

$39,712,535

“The Cabin in the Woods”

SAMEIFLING

See this and you may never look at horror movies the same way again In the long, fabled history of stuck-in-the-boonies slasher flicks, there has never been, nor will there ever again be, another quite like “The Cabin in the Woods.” To confine it to the horror genre, in fact, may be too constricting, in the same way that “Evil Dead 2” and “Men in Black” blended comedy with the occult and sci-fi, respectively. Rather, “Cabin” charts a bizarre, hilarious and, most of all, smart path toward one of the most exhilarating overall results of recent memory. Only rarely do bigbudget productions so successfully stake out a patch of turf and defend it with this much aplomb. There’s not much else to be said without dropping a few light spoilers, so be warned. Five college-aged friends load up an RV and head to the woods for a weekend of swimming, snogging and smoking up. A zippy bottle blonde named Jules (Anna Hutchison) and her side-of-beef boyfriend (Chris Hemsworth, of “Thor” fame) hope to hook up the good-girl Dana (Kristen Connolly) with the newto-town nice guy (Jesse Williams), while stoner-jester Marty (Fran Kranz) operates as a Shaggy minus the Scooby. They have no way of guessing that their drive deep into the mountains to a dilapidated, eerie cabin is being monitored by functionaries spirited away in a concrete-walled high-tech bunker. (Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford are droll and delightful as two of the white-coated observers.) The reasons for this are not immediately clear, and to reveal them really would be defanging the surprises that lay in store. Suffice it that a certain degree of horror-carnage ensues, spliced with a ludicrous dark humor. First-time director and “Lost” writer/producer Drew Goddard shares the writing credit with Joss Whedon, whose bona fides include the cinematic and television incarnations of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” The best parts of “Cabin” draw amply from the spirit of those juggernauts — all the conspiratorial weirdness of “Lost” without the meandering and the gory jollies of “Buffy.” Throughout its breakneck 95 minutes, “Cabin” dares you to take it too seriously or too lightly. Mostly “Cabin” is precisely as weird as you want it. There’s a certain three-word English-language phrase popularly abbreviated with the acronym WTF.

28 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

By the time Marty exclaims it halfway through the movie, you will already have muttered it a dozen times yourself. It’s that sort of ride. By the end, “Cabin” pulls an impressive double: It salts the earth against its own sequelization while making hash of vast swaths of scare-culture. That’s no easy task, given that horror has become the most meta genre in cinema. Alas, audiences who attend horror films have become too savvy to be seduced any more; while there may be infinite ways to get a laugh out of someone, the vocabulary of fear is substantially shallower. The film industry has grappled with this in three ways: in-joke films (“Scream,” etc.), gimmicks in perspective (“Blair Witch” and “Paranormal Activity” flicks) and torture-porn (“Saw” and its ilk) that double- and triple-down on the usual formula of darkness, sharp objects, sadism, claustrophobia and all the other basic elements of film-fright. The true genius of “Cabin” is that it co-opts and subverts the first two versions of that response while avoiding the cynicism of the third. The result is a genre-exploding film in a genre that already has sub-genres devoted to exploding the genre. The greatest risk in seeing it is that you may never look at horror the same way again.

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OPENING FRIDAY, APRIL 20

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THE8ERS

DRAMA

“The Lucky One,” rated PG-13, starring Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner. If you liked “The Notebook” and “Dear John,” you’ll love this schmaltzy, unlikely (aren’t they all?) love story penned by the same writer. If you’re a guy with a female significant other? Sorry, man. Sucks to be you.

Movie times are subject to change.

COMEDY

April 20-21 Field 1: The Lucky One (PG-13) and Wrath of the Titans (PG-13); Field 2: The Three Stooges (PG) and The Hunger Games (PG-13); Field 3: American Reunion (R) and 21 Jump Street (R).

“Think Like a Man,” rated PG-13, starring Chris Brown, Gabrielle Union, Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy. A story of four men who plot to get back at their women after they discover the ladies using Steve Harvey’s relationship advice against them. Surprisingly not directed by Tyler Perry, which you probably could have guessed since his name’s not in the title.

DOCUMENTARY

“Chimpanzee,” rated G, narrated by Tim Allen. The story of an abandoned chimp adopted by another, this movie looks so damn cute it’s not even funny. Watch out, though; it comes from Disney, so it’s guaranteed to make you cry in the end. “To the Arctic 3D,” narrated by Meryl Streep. Oh, lord, another weepie doc that follows a mother polar bear and her two seven-month-old cubs. Also guaranteed to be cute… unless you get in between mother and babies. Then all you’ll be guaranteed is a lot of red snow.

C E R WE

D N E M M O

The Big Mo

Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas April 20 Project X (R) 5:25, 7:50, 10; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG13) 4:15, 7, 9:30; The Secret World of Arrietty (G) 5:25; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; The Vow (PG-13) 4, 7:15, 9:40; The Woman in Black (PG13) 4:30, 7:30, 9:40; Underworld Awakening (R) 7:40, 10; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 5:15, 7:15, 9:30 April 21 Project X (R) 1, 3:10, 5:25, 7:50, 10; Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:30; The Secret World of Arrietty (G) 12:45, 3, 5:25; Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (PG) 12:45, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; The Vow (PG-13) 1:15, 4, 7:15, 9:40; The Woman in Black (PG-13) 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 9:40; Underworld Awakening (R) 7:40, 10; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 1, 3:10, 5:15, 7:15, 9:30

Evans Cinemas

7:10, 9:10; The Lucky One (PG-13) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:55; Think Like a Man (PG-13) 1, 4, 7, 9:45; The Cabin in the Woods (R) 12:40, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Lockout (PG-13) 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:20, 9:40; The Three Stooges (PG) 12:10, 2:30, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30; American Reunion (R) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:35; Titanic 3D (PG-13) 12:15, 4:15, 8:15; Mirror Mirror (PG) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:40; Wrath of the Titans (PG-13) 12:45, 3:05, 5:25, 7:45, 10; The Hunger Games (PG-13) 1:20, 4:30, 8; The Raid: Redemption (R) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50; 21 Jump Street (R) 1:40, 4:25, 7:20, 9:55; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:25

Regal Exchange 20 April 20-21 Chimpanzee (G) 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:15, 9:15; The Lucky One (PG-13) noon, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 12:20; Think Like a Man (PG-13: 1:10, 1:40, 2:10, 3:55, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 10:30, 11, 12:15; The Cabin in the Woods (R) 12:30, 1:30, 2:50, 4:40, 5:30, 7:30, 8, 9:50, 10:15, 12:05, 12:30; Lockout (PG-13) 12:20, 2:40, 5:10, 7:35, 9:50, 12:10; The Three Stooges (PG) 12:05, 1, 2:25, 3:15, 4:45, 5:25, 7:10, 7:40, 9:35, 9:55, 11:55, 12:25; American Reunion (R) 2:45, 5:20, 7:50, 10:30; Titanic 3D (PG-13) noon, 1, 4, 5, 8, 9, 11:55; Mirror Mirror (PG) 2:45, 7:45, 10:20; Wrath of the Titans (PG-13) noon, 2:20, 4:50, 7:20, 10; The Hunger Games (PG-13) 1:15, 1:45, 4:20, 4:50, 7:25, 7:55, 10:30, 11; 21 Jump Street (R) noon, 2:50, 5:25, 8, 10:35; A Thousand Words (PG-13) 12:45, 3:15, 5:35, 7:50, 10:15; Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (PG) 1:05, 3:20, 5:35, 7:45, 10:05; Safe House (R) 2:20, 5, 7:30, 10:10

April 20-21 Chimpanzee (G) 1:10, 3:10, 5:10,

“Psycho”

If you’re like me, all you know about the movie “Psycho” is the chick getting hacked in the shower… and the millions of parodies of that scene. I don’t think I’m the only one who hasn’t bothered to watch the whole thing, thinking I already knew all I needed. Boy, was I wrong. Flipping channels, bored, one recent night, I came upon “Psycho” on Retro and caught it from the beginning. (Well, pretty much from the beginning if you don’t count the chicken on the stove, lab puppy eating various portions of our home and a wine glass that ain’t fillin’ itself.) First off, Anthony Perkins is fantastic. After making that movie, it’s hard to believe he was able to inhabit any other character. And the cinematography is almost as powerful as the story. The first act is almost unrecognizable to the second and third, but, amazingly, it all works. Classified as a horror movie, it certainly appeals to those fans. Yet somehow this movie is such a well-done piece of art, its range is amazingly broad. If you haven’t seen it, you don’t know what you’re missing. 19APRIL2012

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make a real connection Call Livelinks. The hottest place to meet the coolest people.

706.434.0108 30 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Thursday, April 19 Live Music

French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Jeff Johnston O Lounge - Jazmine Soul Band Polo Lounge - Vince McKinley Red Pepper Cafe - Funk/Fusion Jazz Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Sky City - Von Holmes & De Evolutionaries Surrey Tavern - Sibling String Travinia’s - Smooth Jazz The Willcox - Classic Jazz Wild Wing - Matt Acosta

What’s Tonight?

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Library - DJ Kris Fisher The Loft - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mike Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s - Karaoke Somewhere in Augusta - Keno Soul Bar - Boom Box Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Soul Bar - Pop Life Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, April 21 Live Music

The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Augusta Market at the River - Karen Gordon Cotton Patch - Jam Sandwich Country Club - Daniel Johnson Band Joe’s Underground - Cameras, Guns & Radios Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Allen & Larry P.I. Bar and Grill - Smooth Jazz Sky City - Cousin Dan, GoldYard, Rocky Horror, Joycette, K’Flossy

Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, April 22 Live Music

5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Candlelight Jazz - A Step Up Wild Wing - John Kolbeck The Willcox - Jazz Jam Session

What’s Tonight?

Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, April 23 Live Music

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Eagle’s Nest - Free Salsa Lessons; Latin Dance Party First Round - DJ Kris Fisher Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel 32 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Wednesday, April 25 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Kathleen Turner Overdrive Manuel’s Bread Cafe - CherryChase Sky City - Moon Taxi, Funk You Wild Wing - Old Man Crazy

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Hotel Aiken - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Hypnotist Rich Guzzi

Upcoming

The Highlander - Open Mic Night Wild Wing - X-Factor winner Chris Rene & Erik Smallwood The Willcox - Piano Jazz

Jeremy Graham Band - Joe’s Underground April 26 Sibling String & Marbin - Surrey Tavern April 26 Lillie Morris & Michael Hay - Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise April 27 Riley Williams - Cotton Patch April 27 John King Band - Country Club April 27 Dave Firmin - Joe’s Underground April 27 Granny’s Gin - Laura’s Backyard Tavern April 27 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s April 27 Protocol - Iron Horse Bar & Grill April 27 & 28 She N She - Fox’s Lair April 28 Starr Tricoche & Groove Line - Joe’s Underground April 28 The Atom Blonde w/ Stillview April 28 Jerusalem Sounds - Candlelight Jazz April 29 The John King Band - Iron Horse Bar and Grill April 29 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 4 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill May 5 Saving Able & Black Stone Cherry - Cotoye’s May 6 Siamese Dream - The Playground May 11 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 11 Dash Rip Rock - Metro Coffeehouse & Pub May 12 Lady Antebellum - James Brown Arena May 22-23 Morris Davidson Band - 1102 May 25 Jim Perkins - Carolina Ale House May 25 The Southern Meltdown Band - Shannon’s May 25 An Evening with Yanni - Bell Auditorium June 1 The Mosier Brothers - Surrey Tavern June 1 & 2 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill June 3 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 June 16 Ten Toes Up - Surrey Tavern June 23 Fresh Music Festival w/ Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Guy, SWV, K-Ci, & JoJo- James Brown Arena June 29 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 6 Hot Rod Walt and the Psycho-DeVilles - The Loft July 20 John Berret’s LaRoxes - Iron Horse Bar and Grill July 22 John Berret’s LaRoxes - 1102 July 27

What’s Tonight?

Elsewhere

Friday, April 20 Live Music

Augusta Moonlight Music Cruise - Eryn Eubanks & The Family Fold Bucksnort’s Cigar Lounge - Justin O’Neill Carolina Ale House - Connor Pledger Country Club - Daniel Lee Band French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - TX Clergy Laura’s Backyard Tavern - TDC&R PI Bar & Grill - Jazz Duo The Playground - Baned In Two States Sky City - Jubee & The Morning After, Artemia, The Radar Cinema, Fdurty Somewhere In Augusta - Joe Stevenson Stillwater Taproom - Efren Surrey Tavern - The Unmentionables Sweet Dreamin’ - The Sounthern Meltdown Band Wild Wing - Tony Williams Band

Malibu Jack’s - DJ Somewhere In Augusta - Big Prize Trivia

Surrey Tavern - Live Music Wild Wing - Lynam

What’s Tonight?

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Somewhere in Augusta - UFC 145: Jones vs. Evans Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ

Shannon’s - Open Mic Night Soul Bar - Paint Fumes, Acid Baby Jesus

What’s Tonight?

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Sports Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Trivia with Mike Thomas Somewhere In Augusta - Free Poker Tournaments Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, April 24 Live Music

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke w/ David Doane

Atlanta Symphony Orchestra w/ Yuja Wang - Atlanta Symphony Hall in Midtown, Atlanta April 21 Sweetwater 420 Fest - Candler Park, Atlanta April 21 19APRIL2012

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Jim Perkins - Gnat’s Landing, Athens April 21 Drive-By Truckers - Tabernacle, Atlanta April 21 The Polish Ambassador - Live Wire Music Hall & Cafe, Savannah April 21 The Atlanta Opera : Don Giovanni - The Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, Atlanta April 28 Diecast - The Wormhole Music Venue, Savannah May 2 Brian Regan - Johhny Mercer Theatre, Savannah May 3 Trace Adkins - Johhny Mercer Theatre, Savannah May 4 The Whiskey Gentry - Park Tavern (The Piedmont Room), Atlanta May 6 Pierre Bensusan - Eddie’s Attic, Atlanta May 13 M. Ward w/ Lee Ranaldo - Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta May 17

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IN MUSIC

Stoned Musicians and Crazy Fans

A crazy week for live rock music came to a close Friday night with Godsmack, Staind and Halestorm. Even with attendance lacking, the show was great. Definitely not the level of pyro that came with Avenged Sevenfold, but there is a reason that these bands are at the top of the active rock radio world. I was lucky enough to interview all of the bands there that night and I have to say that Aaron Lewis, the lead singer of Staind, was the most entertaining. Not because he was fun to talk to, but because he was the most stoned human being I have ever seen in my life. I received one-word answers for four minutes straight; talk about radio gold. With shows at the James Brown Arena, especially rock shows, you never know what you are going to see. Topping my list from this Friday night was the guy who was three rows back, center stage, rocking out with his prosthetic leg in one hand and a beer in the other. Rock on brother. If I was ranking bands, Halestorm won this round. It is always cool to see the continued success of some of Augusta’s own musicians. Dead Confederate lead singer Hardy Morris has now formed a quote “indie-rock supergroup.” Morris, along with John McCauley (Deer Tick), Robbie Crowell (Deer Tick), Ian Saint Pé (The Black Lips), Steve Berlin (Los Lobos) and Bryan Dufresne (Six Finger Satellite) are known as Diamond Rugs. The band was tagged as part of Rolling Stone’s “25 Can’t Miss Acts” at SXSW (big festival) this year, and even featured on Conan O’Brien’s website, teamcoco.com. Their debut album will be in stores next week, and you can pre-order the record at diamondrugs.com right now. Matt Stone recommended. Drivin’ N Cryin’ is set to return to Augusta Thursday, May 10, at The Country Club. This time the band is here to support our law enforcement. One hundred percent of sales (tickets, beverages, auction items) are in support of fallenproject.com and support1.org. From what I could gather on the Facebook event page, “Fallen is a movie about fallen law enforcement officers and our goal is to ensure all of our local fallen officers (CSRA) are included within this documentary film.” Tickets are on sale now at etix.com or at The Country Club on Washington Road. There are more “concerts for a cause” coming up, this one is next week. The Preston Breece Second Annual Rock Now for Autism Speaks, featuring Almost Kings, Super Bob, Shotgun Opera and an acoustic set from Ben and Ashley of The Atom Blonde, is next Wednesday, April 25, at the Library Nightclub (formally the Vue). Doors open at 8 p.m. All proceeds are donated directly to the cause. You see, fun loud music for a good cause. I feel like I’ve done my good deed for the day. Did anyone hear about Tupac not being dead? The Coachella Music and Arts Festival was this past weekend and the surprise guest was Tupac, sort of. During the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg set on Sunday night, a hologram of Tupac Shakur appeared on stage to perform. Google it, it’s freaky. The only way it could have been better would be if, at the end of the performance, Bill Murray ran out in his Ghostbusters outfit and zapped him. Other show notices that were sent my way: My guitar teacher’s band, John Berret’s LaRoxes, will be performing at Midtown Lounge, formerly Cadillac’s, Friday, April 20. The place is newly remodeled, aiming for a little bit younger crowd. Sorry grandma. Cameras, Guns, & Radios is playing at Joe’s Underground on Saturday, April 21, with two other local acts, Scott Edwards and Brian Mitchell, opening up. And then coming up next weekend, Friday, April 27, Refuge will be at 1102 Downtown Bar and Grill. Let me know what shows are coming, and where your band is playing. Email matt@themetrospirit.com. Include poems.

MATTSTONE can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19)

You had to take the test before you got a chance to study more than a couple of the lessons. The good news is that this test was merely a rehearsal for a more important and inclusive exam, which is still some weeks in the future. The teachings you will need to master before then are flowing your way, and will continue to do so in abundance. Apply yourself with diligence. You have a lot to learn, but luckily, you have enough time to get fully prepared.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Salvador Dali, Martha Graham, Stephen Colbert, David Byrne, Maya Deren, Malcolm X, Willie Nelson, Bono, Dennis Hopper, Cate Blanchett, George Carlin, Tina Fey, Sigmund Freud: They are or were all Tauruses. Would you characterize any of them as sensible, materialistic slowpokes obsessed with comfort and security, as many traditional astrology texts describe Tauruses? Nope. They were or are distinctive innovators with unique style and creative flair. They are your role models as you cruise through the current phase of maximum self-expression.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

In December 1946, three Bedouin shepherds were tending their flock near the Dead Sea. They found a cave with a small entrance. The smallest of the three managed to climb through the narrow opening. He brought out a few dusty old scrolls in ceramic jars. Eventually the scrolls were revealed to be one of the most important finds in archaeological history: the first batch of what has come to be known as the Dead Sea Scrolls. A metaphorically similar tale may unfold for you soon. A valuable discovery may initially appear to you in a form you’re not that excited about.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

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The devil called together a meeting of his assistants. Recruitments of people born under the sign of Cancer had fallen far below projected totals. “It’s unacceptable,” he fumed. “Those insufferable Crabs have been too mentally healthy lately to be tantalized by our lies. Frankly, I’m at wit’s end. Any suggestions?” His marketing expert said, “Let’s redouble our efforts to make them buy into the hoax about the world ending on December 21, 2012.” The executive vice-president chimed in: “How about if we play on their fears about running out of what they need?” The chief of intelligence had an idea, too: “I say we offer them irrelevant goodies that tempt them away from their real goals.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

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“If you don’t run your own life, someone else will,” said psychologist John Atkinson. Write it on a big piece of cardboard and hold it up in front of your eyes as you wake up each morning. Use it as a prod that motivates you to shed any laziness you might have about living the life you really want. Periodically ask yourself these three questions: Are you dependent on the approval, permission or recognition of others? Have you set up a person, ideology or image of success that’s more authoritative than your own intuition? Is there any area of your life where you have ceded control to an external source?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Here are the last words that Steve Jobs spoke before he died: “OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.” I’d love to hear random strangers exclaiming it every time they realize how amazing their lives are. I’d enjoy it if TV newscasters spoke those words to begin each show, acknowledging how mysterious

our world really is. I’d be pleased if lovers everywhere uttered it at the height of making love. Start the trend. You’re the best choice, since your tribe will most likely have the wildest rides and most intriguing adventures in the coming weeks.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

A starfish that loses an arm can grow back a new one. You are entering a starfish-like phase of your cycle. Far more than usual, you’ll be able to recover parts of you that got lost and reanimate parts of you that fell dormant. If you concentrate really hard and fill yourself with the light of the spiritual sun, you might even be able to perform a kind of resurrection.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Too much of a good thing isn’t necessarily good. (Have you ever hyperventilated?) Too little of a good thing can be bad. (Have you ever gotten dehydrated?) Some things are good in measured doses but bad if done to excess. (Wine and chocolate.) A very little of a very bad thing may still be a bad thing. (It’s hard to smoke crack in moderation.) You will generate a lot of the exact insights you need if you weigh and measure everything in your life and judge what is too much and what is too little.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Sculptor Constantin Brancusi had a clear strategy as he produced his art: “Create like God, command like a king, work like a slave.” Adopt a similar approach for your own purposes. With that as your formula, you could make rapid progress on a project that’s dear to you. So make sure you have an inspiring vision of the dream you want to bring into being. Map out a bold, definitive plan for how to accomplish it. And then summon enormous stamina, fierce concentration and unfailing attention to detail as you translate your heart’s desire into a concrete form.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through,” writes novelist Anne Lamott, “you must. Otherwise, you’ll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you’ve already been in.” The coming weeks will be your time to slip through that forbidden door. The experiences that await you on the other side may not be everything you have always needed, but they are at least everything you need next. The biggest risk you take by breaking the spell is of losing a fear you’ve grown addicted to.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

When rain falls on dry land, it activates certain compounds in the soil that release a distinctive aroma. “Petrichor” is the word for that smell. If you ever catch a whiff of it when there’s no rain, it’s because a downpour has begun somewhere nearby, and the wind is bringing you news of it. You will soon be awash in a metaphorical version of petrichor. A parched area of your life is about to receive much-needed moisture.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Forty percent of Americans do not know that the dinosaurs died out long before human beings ever existed. When these folks see an old cartoon of caveman Fred Flintstone riding on a Diplodocus, they think it’s depicting a historical fact. You need to steer clear of people who harbor gross delusions like that. It’s more important than usual that you hang out with educated, cultured types who possess a modicum of well-informed ideas about the history of humanity and the nature of reality.

ROBBREZSNY FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM 19APRIL2012

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Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Carrie and Heath Miller with Laura Schmidt at the Theory of a Deadman concert at The Country Club.

SIGHTINGS

Lisa Hall, Devin Joy and Mandy Ortiz at the Theory of a Deadman concert at The Country Club.

Danna Wagner, Michael Neal and Tanesha Andres at Buffalo Wild Wings.

SIGHTINGS

Evans and Tena Fulghum with Stephany and Ralph Squillace at Blues Brews & BBQ at the Columbia County Amphitheater.

Jane Wray, Erica Grose and Allyson North at the Loft.

SIGHTINGS

Michael Schmieden, Kyle Michau, Diane Cross and Ron Watford at Carolina Ale House.

19APRIL2012

Mark and Leigh Hite with Maggie Howard and Belanding Hite at TakoSushi.

Brett Andrews and Michelle Burdeshaw with Alison and Roy Nelson at Blues Brews & BBQ at the Columbia County Amphitheater.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Andrew Ripley, Katie Morrison, Amber Rose and Albert Moses at Bar West.

AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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ON THE BALL

Swan Song Wishy-washy start shows the volatile and uncertain future without Chipper

The model has been in existence a while now. That recurring joke you hear while standing in the beer line at the Chophouse in Turner Field rings as true this year as it did last year. If you happen to catch a Braves win this year, there’s a decent chance you witnessed a nohitter in the process. Not to discredit the already exciting four games with six-plus runs that have been put on the board offensively for the Bravos, but there still seems to be a glaring disconnect for a team that made no major moves in the offseason. One contributing factor to the streaky start of the 2012 season has been the pitching. Through the first 10 games, only two Braves pitchers posted “quality starts” (which is when a pitcher completes at least six innings and gives up no more than three runs), which was tied for the lowest total in the majors. And with pitching supposed to be their strong suit, the Braves can’t afford to hang around the doldrums much longer. Another factor has been the electric start to the season by the New York Mets. The odds have been collectively against them in one way or another for what seems like forever, and the Mets have done all they can to help separate the long-running torment of their organization and this year’s edition of the team. As of earlier this week, the Mets stood at 7-3 with four of those wins coming against their long-standing rival the Atlanta Braves. What’s really surprising is that the majority of their wins have come in close games. In one loss to the Mets earlier this week, Braves Manager Fredi Gonzalez decided to have Tommy

Hansen pitch around Mets third baseman David Wright, who was on a hot streak at the time, to pitch to some guy named Ike Davis. The resulting three-run homer pretty much summed up the Braves luck so far this season. And since we’re on the topic of bad luck… The most obvious factor contributing to the uneven start this year has been the injury riddled farewell season for Chipper Jones. He started spring training thinking he possibly had at least two years left in the tank, and finished it undergoing arthroscopic surgery to repair a torn meniscus in his left knee, forcing him to come to grips with reality and announce that this would undoubtedly be his last season manning the hot corner. When he is able to play, he is still one of the toughest outs in major league history as he ranks eighth all-time in hits by a switch hitter and third in home runs. Out of the first 10 games, Chipper only played in four, but his presence was immediately felt when in the lineup. He came off the disabled list early when the team was 0-4 and playing the second of a three-game series at Houston to act as a life preserver. He homered and drove in two runs to inject life into the club — and also to remind everyone that his final year will not be an embarrassment. Since then he has made a return trip to the disabled list and will likely be day-to-day for the majority of the year. But even if his batting average doesn’t hang around his .304 career average, the need for him to just be in the lineup on a regular basis will be essential for this club. Any causal follower of the Braves knows that it’s his calming demeanor that pilots this team. He has always been the face of the franchise; even while the historic franchise trotted out some of the most interesting personalities of the ’90s, Chipper was the one player who appealed to everybody for the exact same reason. I’m talking suits, teammates, competitors and male and female fan bases as well. And with this team flush with wide-eyed talent, his reassuring, steady hand is the only thing that can turn their green into gold.

MATTLANE is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

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Exercise Plan: I’ve been working out with a trainer about two and a half hours a week. We do back exercises on Monday, legwork on Wednesday and triceps and back I think on Friday. And about five or six days a week I’m doing a bunch of cardio. Diet Plan: I’ve changed my diet rather drastically. While I didn’t eat too unhealthy, I did drink too many beers and stuff like that, but I’ve pretty much cut all that out for this thing. I’ve probably lost another eight or 10 pounds since that weigh in. I’m just trying to get myself healthy and back down to a weight that I can live with for however much longer I’ve got to live. Biggest Struggle: Peer pressure and the menu — that’s my biggest problem. I have no problems making myself go to the gym because I’ve got appointments with the trainer, so I don’t miss those — that’s my responsibility. At first, the bicycle thing was a little sketchy and I didn’t do that as much as I should, but I’ve gotten used to that. But it’s hard when my buddies call me up and want to go do something — I’ve got to tell them no. Biggest Success: The weight loss is big, but deeper than that it’s just my mental attitude and my feelings about myself. Just tightening up the belt two or three notches. It’s good. Contestant to Beat: Rob Forbes lost 24 pounds the first time, but he’s a lot smaller than me, so I’m kind of hoping he’s plateaued. He just might not be able to lose that much more. And Chelsie Lee is a little bit ahead of me in percentage — she lost 15 pounds. Those two look like the ones to beat.

40 METROSPIRITAUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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SPONSOR THE

Metro Spirit’s Pet Page! lauren@themetrospirit.com

Volunteer to Save Lives

Special Events

LeAnne Marlette

Volunteer: One who gives of oneself to help another in need. In the world of animal rescue, volunteers are a lifeline for the abandoned, orphaned and homeless. Providing a temporary safety net is essential to saving the lives of animals who may otherwise enter shelters and be euthanized. Socializing an animal in a home environment is priceless and fostering can be the experience of a lifetime. Not only are you directly responsible for saving a life, fostering is win-win situation for everyone… you and the animal you save. What follows are a few reasons to consider fostering a homeless animal. Fostering reduces euthanasia numbers at the shelters. In 2011, more than 10,000 animals were euthanized in Richmond County and another 1,700 in Columbia County. Many of these animals were healthy and adoptable. We can make a difference.

You are investing in a worthy cause. There are no entitlement programs for animals. Every rescue group depends on your kindness through donations. It is heartwarming when an animal expresses their gratitude with a wag of its tail, a lick across your face, a sweet purr or a binky jump into the air! Fostering is a great trial run if you are

considering adoption. The ultimate goal is to find a loving, forever home… you might just be that home. Companionship. Senior citizens or empty nesters make great fosters. What better company can you ask for? An orphaned animal will become the most loyal and appreciative friend you’ve ever had. Education. Fostering can be a great family project. This is a great way to teach kids about the humane treatment of animals and become responsible citizens. Protection. No buttons to push and no batteries required. Just love, food and water. After adopting two bunnies from The Love of Bunnies Rescue, Brandon (pictured) became a faithful volunteer and foster. “I’ve always been an animal lover,” he said. “I truly love and enjoy volunteering and being a foster parent.” We have a great team of volunteers who are well educated about rabbit care and, as a team, strive to educate others about the benefits and joys of adopting a rabbit. Preston, another foster volunteer, says, “It’s nice to come hope to someone that is really glad to see you. The dogs I have taken in have always acted like they are just plain grateful to be rescued from a bad place in life. At the end of the day, it simply makes me feel really good to know that they depend on me and that I

Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament A fundraising event for That’s What Friends Are For, Inc., a 501c3 that raises money for local rescues, spay and neuter, and much more. Sunday, May 20, 1:30 p.m. tee time Goshen Plantation Golf Club To register, donate or get more information, call Village Deli at 706-736-3691 or visit thatswhatfriendsarefor.org

Ongoing Adoption Events PETCO 4209 Washington Road, Evans Saturdays, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Sundays, 1-4 p.m. PetSmart 225 Robert C. Daniel Parkway, Augusta Saturdays, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tractor Supply 596 Bobby Jones Expressway, next to Sam’s Club Saturdays and Sundays from 1-4 p.m.

can take care of them.” Fostering is only one of the many ways to become involved in animal rescue. Other opportunities include helping with weekend adoptions at the local pet stores, helping feed/clean and care for the animals at the kennel(s), providing transportation to and from adoption events, helping with fundraising, and bottle feeding puppies and/or kittens. If you are looking for a way to enrich your life, volunteer with a local rescue group. Your help will be welcomed. Who knows? Fostering a homeless animal might be for you. Placing a homeless animal into a warm, loving forever home is one of the most rewarding feelings you could ever experience. I invite you to give it a try.

Local Animal Rescue Organizations AARF volunteers@aarf.net

Columbia Co. Animal Services 706-541-4077

Augusta Humane Society 706-736-0186

CSRA Chihuahua Rescue 706-825-8090, 706-763-8071

Augusta-Richmond Co. Animal Services 706-790-6836

CSRA Humane Society 706-261-7387 csrshumanesociety.org

Boston Terrier Rescue of South Carolina 706-726-2221 or 803-279-8069 bostonrescueofsc.org

19APRIL2012

Feathered Friends Forever 706-556-2424 featheredfriendsforever.org

Girard Life Saver 706-871-8273, 478-569-9209 samantha@girard-lifesaver.org

Long Dog Rescue 706-854-8646 bmeismer@comcast.net

Graced Kennels 706-738-7168

Old Fella Burke County 888-846-3792 oldfella.org

Happy Tails 706-955-0438, 706-836-2708 csrahappytails@gmail.com Heartsong 706-855-1241 heartsongent@hotmail.com

STARS 706-592-4158 starsrescue.org Washington-Wilkes Humane 706-678-2287

Fundraising Organizations for Local Rescue and Spay/Neuter Efforts PawPrints Foundation 706-863-2067 pawprintsfoundation.org That’s What Friends Are For, Inc. c/o The Village Deli 706-736-3691 thatswhatfriendsarefor.org Diamonds in the Ruff, Evans diamondsintheruffcsra.org

AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

METROSPIRIT 41

WHINE

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit. com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue. Oh, and whines may be edited for content but will pretty much be printed exactly as you type them.

LINE

Is it okay to reapply lipstick at the table after dinner in a restaurant? What is the etiquette for texting in public? Are you unsure about how much to tip whom? Fret no more! Founded in 1946 by Emily Post and her son Ned, The Emily Post Institute, Inc. (or EPI for short), is still promoting etiquette and civility, now via their website, emilypost.com (in addition to selling volumes of books on the matter). Emily Post has been helping uncouth cretins like myself appear presentable for polite society for generations, so if any entity is an authority on social “dos and don’ts” it would be these guys. As stated on their site: “Manners change over time and vary depending on location and culture. The Emily Post Institute studies this evolution. Acting as a social civility barometer, EPI elucidates new manners for today’s world based on core values of honesty, respect and consideration.” In other words, they stay on top of trends in politeness, so, if you have a question about what is or is not appropriate in a particular situation, this is the place to check. Topics range from everyday etiquette, wedding and business etiquette, to home and family. There’s even an “Etipedia®” to look up things by subject. Don’t see what you’re looking for? No problem. You can ask specific questions at Emily Post’s Etiquette Daily blog. I don’t know about you, but I sleep better knowing there’s an authority out there that wants to prevent me from looking like a social pariah. And believe me; I need all the help I can get. — Valerie Emerick

I get tired of people telling me to have a blessed day. I don’t want to have a blessed day. I want to have a satanic day. I want to participate in a sex orgy, smoke pot, and steal a republican’s wallet after I knock the gun out of his cowardly hand with my iron spear and beat the tarnation out of him. The devil! Yes! The Devil! Stop the presses! So I hear Brad Owens has returned to Augusta. Better stock up on tin foil now before it’s all gone to make hats. Why would I come to see your band play downtown? I have asked you many times to come see my band. You never have. Another thing - just because your buddy, who is a promoter in town, gets you your shows that does not make your band better than any other band around. I just moved to Augusta and to quote Bette Davis, “what a dump!” This town is full of meshuganas and trashy shiksas and I have yet to find a deli with a decent brisket. Josh Ruffin, in his piece “The One Conservative Who Deserves Your Sympathy” is certainly right to realize that SE Cupp has much to contribute to the arena of ideas. Beyond that, what passes for HIS critical thinking skills leaves a lot to be desired. Apparently he believes all Conservatives are monolithic in thought, incapable of satire (Limbaugh), and not allowed to be both beautiful and provocative at the same time (Coulter and Malkin.) Regarding the cliche of Big Oil, the US govt takes in more money per gallon in taxes than does any oil company in profit margin (as opposed to profit - critical difference) and we fought the war in the Pacific largely over oil. Oops! As for Global Warming, see the letter 40 veteran NASA astronauts and scientist just fired off to the Chief of NASA. Oops again.... I understand the city needs to save money, and agree that cutting garbage pick up from twice a week to once will save quite a bit. But shouldn’t they cut our pick up fees too? If they’re going to, I haven’t heard about it. I’m all for the city making money but I could use a break too. In fact, I don’t like a mandatory charge on my taxes for garbage pick up at all. I would rather have the choice to use a private company at a cheaper rate and save money like I used to. Thursday, Martins mother said she knows that Zimmerman shooting her son was an accident, while her attorneys body language suggested he wished she hadn’t have said that. Five hours later she retracted the statement. On Friday She says that Zimmerman knew he was going to kill

V23|NO16

WERECOMMEND

Martin when he climbed out of his truck. Does anyone else see what’s going on here?

Where is Tom Tomorrow? Your paper was not much with Tom, but without it, your paper is nothing. WOW! I have never seen such unprofessionalism in my life! You show up at a man’s house and kick him out of the band in front of his family and then proceed to steal his gear! I hope this is the beginning of the end for your crappy, oversaturated band. My water bill says a 3% rate hike but the fancy utility flyer with it says “ doing more with less..” Thanks Augusta-Richmond County!! I don’t understand the current clothes crazes I see all over. If it’s not PJs, then it’s men’s underwear above the lowered pants/shorts line, or the exposed butt cracks with tattoos right there. I can handle the PJs that cover most indecent things. I dislike the underwear in sight but then decide that is better than the butt cracks.

My wife and I had our 22nd anniversary dinner at a restaurant on the south side of town. The food was good and the service was beyond excellent. Our waiter was the best we have had since we moved here 12 years ago. BUT, the manager was and absolute TERROR!!!! She followed the employees around and barked orders at them all night. It was impossible to ruin our good night together but that woman came very close. Lady, chill out on your staff! Keep up the good food and great beers and just relax. re” North Korea Threatens Rocket Launch”: Why are we messing around with our Enemies? Screw the Liberals! If the U.S. perceives a Threat! “Whack ‘em”! Hey! That’s kept the Mafia Strong Forever! “Due Process”! What’s That? Dead Enemies are No Threat! The World needs depopulation anyway! Is Matt Aitken running for re-election? If so, I must have missed it, but then I don’t think I’ve heard him utter a word since he was elected.

Is it too much to ask for you to use your TURN SIGNAL!?! Don’t forget to use your mirrors. Not only is it common courtesy...it is the law. Yeah, I’m talking to you.

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19APRIL2012