Metro Spirit 04.28.2011 by Metro Spirit

F R E N C H M A R K E T W E S T. C O M

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after dark

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Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without is prohibited. One d e s i g n permission copy per person, please.

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Dear Editor: There is a serious flaw in the NY Times crossword puzzle printed in the April 21 issue of the Metro Spirit. I am certain that the clues listed are not intended for that particular puzzle grid. For instance, the last across clue is numbered 116, but in the grid the last across answer is numbered 128! The same situation applies to the down clues; 110 vs. 121 in the grid. Having solved numerous NY Times puzzles, I know that sometimes a gimmick is employed such as having several letters or even icons placed in a single space. When this is the situation, there is a hint or it is explained by one of the clues. As an aside, the solution to last week’s puzzle was not printed. On a positive note, I was delighted to see that you were printing the puzzle from the Sunday NY Times and dedicated an entire page to it. I sincerely hope that you can make a go of the Metro Spirit, but at present it appears to be a work in progress. Thank you for hearing me out.

With this coupon. Dine in only. Not good with any other discounts.

First of all, thank you, Glenn, and everyone else out there for your kind wishes, as well as your patience with our small staff as we attempt to resurrect the Spirit basically from scratch. We really appreciate it. As for the New York Time Crossword Puzzle, Glenn is right on the money on both counts. What happens is this: The Times sends us the crossword each week electronically. After we downloaded last week’s puzzle, we picked up the new clues but inadvertently left the old puzzle in place. Obviously, no one checked it or we would have seen right away that there was no way “McFly,” the answer to 1 Down, would fit in the three spaces given for that clue in the puzzle. (Bonus points to those of you who don’t look at each week’s crossword but still have a pretty good idea what the clue was.) Needless to say, we’ve checked this week’s puzzle about a million times and are confident that it is correct. Also needless to say, publishing the answers to last week’s puzzle will do no one any good. We will, however, begin publishing the answers to the previous week’s puzzle in next week’s issue, which comes out on Thursday, May 5. The answers might not be on the same page as the crossword, but we’ll try to remember to insert a sentence telling you what page they are on. Don’t count on it, though. Our brains are obviously kind of fried. — Amy Christian

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whineLINE What’s with the weird retro-’80s dude in the Whine Line? He’s not funny — he’s keeps distracting me from the whines. Speaking of which, way to be mean spirited! It read more like a b*ch fest than the Whine Line I know and love. So Al Mason wants to be Mayor. It will be cool day in hell. I am not sure why kids think it is sooo cool to smoke. Smoking underage not only makes you smell horrible and look bad but it shows your true age and immaturity. So instead of wasting your parents money or bumming cigs go and do something productive with your cash. Augusta will miss WGAC’s Scott Hudson. Hope the Spirit picks up investigative and political reporting where he left off. The new layout reminds me of my high school paper... ick! The crossword this week (4/22) does not have matching clues and board... ugh! How terrible it is to see a seafood merchant admit that the Lumpkin Road store did not lower back the prices of the seafood because no one complained. We consumers depended on the honesty of the stores, especially when they are small merchants who are not a chain, to honestly charge us by the true market of prices. I sure hope gas stations owners are more honest in setting up their prices. OK, at least this week your paper is MUCH better and I appreciate it. Glad computers and synapses are all in synch. Now, can you all tell us if Geraldine from your first front cover was ever found back in 1989? If so, what’s the story with her? I am spittin mad with the Spirit right now. Sitting at the Metro, got my coffee, got a cigarette burning, clicked my pen, cracked my knuckles, and dug in, only to find the most egregiously jumbled up crossword I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing. Are you testing us to see if we actually do it? If so, I’ll wrap my fish with you unless you atone by putting a nice Saturday style puzzle in the next issue. Heesh! Can someone please do a follow-up on Leo’s Produce? That was redneck awesomeness, right there.

whineline@themetrospirit.com

so fred russel wants to be in charge of the hiring and firing of employees. Is this not the same man that transfered a worker who is a convicted murder for hire saying he was his eyes and ears of augusta. Do we need this type of thinking. this man was transfered by russel becaused he could not get along with other employees and his wife works for the local d.a. office. If someone would check his employment file they would find things others would be fired for. (wander what he knows or his wife knows). Ok, How in the hell did you manage to FUBAR the crossword puzzle? Among the many reasons I love the Spirit the crossword puzzle is my favorite. I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice. Glad you’re back. I’ve missed you. where is answers to last weeks crossword puzzle. Plese get a proofreader. It is frustrating when you put in this weeks clues and last weeks matrix for the puzzle. Can you email the proper matrix? whine cause can’t read this on line s our local soup kitchen downtown composting leftovers or throwaways? Are they growing a garden yet like proposed a while ago before the new building was finished? I heard about a lot of flowers but are any of those edible or just for show? I am Deployed in Afghanistan with the 2nd cav’s, who’s home base is Vilseck, Germany. We have a few weeks to go before our tour ends. I am happy, excited and thankfull to still be alive, have my sanity and not be disabled. At the same time I am not happy to go back to Germany, because me along with some of my buddies were informed by our chain of command, that there are not enough rooms available for us in the barracks. We are advised to go rent a place to live and buy a car to go to work. We earn Dollars the bills will be in expensive Euro’s. It will take 3 days to travel back to Europe and once we arrive we will spend our first nights sleeping in the parking lot. People familiar with Army operations tell me that this will never happen. They say this, because they are not familiar with this particular unit, who should get an award for mismanagement. I own a home in Georg ia. Untill today, I never tought of going Awol, but i will not return after my block leave. I joined the Army to serve my country and better myself. Becoming homeless in a strange country was not in our contract.

The 1000+ supposed job hunters in combination with repeat felons on the city payroll shows us how wrong the extensions on unemployment benefits are. We need to get those deadbeats out and about to fill up a lot of jobs instead of having repeat criminals and illegal immigrants locked up in paying positions. If Great Britain Spent as much money on it’s Military as it does on it’s “Royal Family Occassions”, The US of A would Still be the “13 British Colonies”!

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METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 5

whineLINE

whineline@themetrospirit.com

Out-of-Context Whines Dear President, We are the department of Asian Domain Registration Service in China. Your webpage is broken... what’s up — yeah, I know money. No I am not fat. But your other writers need some work. No one likes public self-gratification. Pretty please with natural honey? Dale JR was his “Pusher”! But most of all MIND YOUR OWN BACKYARD and then you won’t have time to gossip about other people.

Instapaper Instapaper allows you to mark articles on the web and gain access to them later. Here’s how it works: download the free app (instapaper.com) to all your computers and your phone. You now have the Instapaper icon on your desktop toolbar. While browsing the web, if you come across an article you want to read later, simply click the read later icon and it’s saved! Later on, when you are at the gym riding the bike or sitting in the sauna, whip out your phone and all the interesting things you have come across are saved in one place. Incredibly simple to use and super helpful.

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Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit.com. If you do so by noon on Friday, you might just see it in the next Thursday’s issue.

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Coconut M&M’s contain no coconuts. They have a Facebook page with 5,182 fans, but no coconuts.

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METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 41

INSI ER INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Anybody know of a good drawbridge manufacturer? The Insider has learned that next year the Augusta National will begin pulling some badges of Augustans who have had them dating back decades. The reason? The National is determined to stamp out the scalping of their badges once and for all. Insiders hear the course has some sophisticated means to sort out who is using their badges properly, and who may be turning them over to brokers — or selling them themselves. A number of little old ladies who have supplemented their income over

the years with the money their badges bring in are in for a shock. There are a number of folks who have simply grown too old to make it around the notoriously hilly course, and selling the badges just makes sense. Except to Augusta National. There were a number of arrests made this year for scalping. Look for a much more aggressive stance next year as the club figures out a way to eradicate it for good. It seems about as easy as herding cats, but if anyone can get it done, it’s these guys.

Obviously there is no need to dance with who brung ya when you are the No. 1 sporting event in the world. And the National does donate heavily ($7.5 mil total purse this year and $3.5 mil to local charities in 2010). We just hope five or 10 years down the road there won’t be a moat to contend with.

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Like Three 6 Mafia so eloquently stated in their song from Hustle and Flow, “It’s Hard out here for a Box.”

metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 7

metro Eric Johnson

Connecting with the Unexpected Westobou looks to become what it was supposed to be

Now in its fourth year, Augusta’s Westobou Festival is reinventing itself with a new look, a new date, a reduced staff and its original vision. Last month, Executive Director Kathi Dimmock and Special Events Assistant Virginia Atkins lost their jobs due to budget concerns, though the type of budget concerns remain muddy. According to Dimmock, there was a reduction in funding, while board Chairman Cameron Nixon called it a strategic reallocation meant to get more bang for the festival’s buck. “We would present a budget [to the trustees] and they would come back in March and tell us how much they were

going to be able to fund,” Dimmock said. “This year, they were not able to fund the amount that it was going to take to continue at the budget level the festival was operating on, so they eliminated my position and the special event assistant position.” Nixon, however, maintained the funding amounts have remained the same. “The Porter Fleming Foundation distributes most of the funds to the Westobou Festival,” he said. “The type of funding and the level at which they funded it in years past hasn’t changed. Instead of giving little amounts here and there to arts groups to support them, we’re giving larger amounts to support

more select events to create a different caliber of event. To attract that kind of event takes money.” In other words, more money for programming means less money for administration. Reduction or reallocation, what’s clear is that the nonprofit organization is operating without an executive director. Currently, Artistic Coordinator Molly McDowell and Wierhouse Creative, specifically former Chronicle entertainment writer Steven Uhles, are running the entire event. “It probably is a little unusual,” Nixon said of operating without an executive director. “Molly’s pretty talented — she

might do all right by herself for a year or so, but at some point we think she’s going to need some staff.” Whether she gets that opportunity, however, might depend on how effective this year’s changes turn out to be. Nixon said the trustees of the Academy of Richmond County initially intended to fund the festival for five years and then reevaluate. “As part of the ongoing evaluation — if we were going to be more self-sufficient, we were going to need to find other sources of income,” Nixon said. Finding sponsorship dollars can be a touchy enterprise, since it often puts the festival in direct competition with the arts

have a news worthy story? email to eric@themetrospirit.com

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Thursday April 28 Cadillac’s Karaoke Casa Blanca Art.Of.Jazz Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Candy Stripers Cabaret Club Sparxx Playlist with Shannon Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations French Market Grille West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia HD Lounge Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke One Hundred Laurens Mike Frost Jazz Trio Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Rose Hill Stables Preston & Weston Shannon’s Karaoke Soul Bar Smokey James DJ Collective Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wheeler Tavern Karaoke Wild Wing Running Down Romance The Willcox Four Cats in the Doghouse Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke Friday April 29 1102 Bar & Grill Suex Effect Cadillac’s DJ Doug Casa Blanca Art.Of.Jazz Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparxx DJ Rana and Music Explosion Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke with Libby D. and Palmetto Entertainment Cotton Patch Chadd Nichols Country Club Joe Stevenson Coyote’s Shane Thomas Doubletree Hotel 3 Sides of Jazz Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke French Market Grille West Doc Easton Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Laura’s Backyard Tavern David & Bert Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens John Kolbeck Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim The Place on Broad Rock DJ The Playground Sibling String Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Sky City DJ Big Al, Matt in the Hat Soul Bar Disco Hell Stillwater Tap Room Woody Pines Surrey Tavern Playback the Band Tropicabana Latin Friday Wild Wing DB Bryant Band The Willcox Kenny George Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest Saturday April 30 The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold

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Blue Horse Bistro Live Music Cadillac’s DJ Doug Casa Blanca Art.Of.Jazz Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparxx DJ Wreboot House Party Cocktails Lounge Latin Night The Cotton Patch Old Man Crazy Country Club Ross Coppley Band Coyote’s Shane Thomas Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez Laura’s Backyard Tavern George Croft & the Vellotones The Loft Karaoke Metro Coffeehouse Anderson-Cruz-Shaw Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music The Playground False Flag, Rumor Has Wings Sector 7G Strengthen What Remains, Ironwill, Decollator Sky City DJ Joycette Surrey Tavern Soul Deminsions Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wild Wing Swingin’ Richards Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke Sunday May 1 Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Crums on Central Jim Perkins Jessye Norman Amphitheatre Candlelight Jazz w/ ASU Conservatory Jazz Band Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Peggy Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Sky City Social Canvas w/ The Favors, Jerusalem Brass Sounds, DJ Joycette, K Flossy Monday May 2 Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke HD Lounge Game Night Malibu Jack’s Team Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Karaoke with Charles Soul Bar Metal Monday Wild Wing Trivia and ’80s Karaoke Tuesday May 3 Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparxx Karaoke with Big Tony Cocktails Lounge Live Music Fishbowl Lounge Dart League Fox’s Lair John Fisher HD Lounge Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Joe’s Underground Woody Wood Band The Willcox Hal Shreck Wednesday May 4 209 on the River Smooth Grooves Cadillac’s Live Band Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls metrospirit.com

groups themselves, which Nixon said is part of the thinking behind recommitting the festival to the Spoleto model and making Westobou a destination festival rather than the well-funded local arts festival it has become. The first step in that direction was moving the festival away from Arts in the Heart. “We had grown to the point that the kind of arts patron that we’re after and we think we need to have for long-term success is a little different from the Arts in the Heart patron,” Nixon said. “After three years, we decided it was better for everybody if we got our own time frame.” Dimmock, who was the festival’s initial executive director and, despite losing her job, insisted she wants the best for the event, said that the surveys they conducted over the last three years indicated that the people who attended Arts in the Heart weren’t necessarily the same people who attended Westobou. “There were no indicators that it would hurt the festival’s attendance to change the dates,” she said. Last year’s festival ran from Sept. 16-25. This year it will run from Sept. 28-Oct. 8, which Nixon said makes producing a more regional event easier, since many touring groups don’t hit the road until October.

Though the final announcement of events won’t occur for a few weeks, Nixon said this year’s events will have more of a wow factor. “Instead of an event an arts group would do anyway that just happened to fall in line with the Westobou dates,

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they’re asking them to find events that people stand up and say, “Wow — I need to be in Augusta to see that,” he said. “People go to Spoleto to go to Spoleto, and once they get there they figure out what they’re going to see. I think Westobou, to a certain degree

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Any Gary LeTellier speaks business, which means that sometimes he can be a little difficult to understand. It all sounds good, but after awhile you sit back and go “huh?” Not that what he’s saying is misleading or evasive, it’s just very business heavy and sometimes needs translation. At a commission meeting a couple weeks ago, he had a chance to clarify the builder at-risk contract he was seeking approval for, but Mayor Deke was running

work and could therefore seem alarming to commissioners. However, he insisted it was the best type of contract to keep to the $4.7 million budgeted for the replacement of the airport’s Fixed Based Operator (FBO). FBO is aviationspeak for the terminal building on the general aviation side of the airport. “We decided from the beginning to do the FBO as a builder at-risk project because we had a set budget and we just

“It’s just too small. And it’s old.” — Augusta Regional Airport Executive Director Gary LeTellier speaking about the airport’s Fixed Base Operator (FBO), which provides services to the airport’s general aviation community, particularly business jets. a quick meeting and he never got the chance. As a result, the commission ended up at loggerheads and the contract needed the mayor’s vote to pass. LeTellier said later that he felt the commission vote represented some confusion over the process he wasn’t allowed to explain, since the builder atrisk model is seldom used in government metrospirit.com

couldn’t afford to go down that road and be over by 20 or 30 percent,” he said. Using the builder at-risk method locks in a guaranteed maximum price for the project. In the traditional model, where the project is designed, bid and built, cost overruns come back in the form of change orders, which can sometimes continued...

before this, was really event-driven.” He said last year’s outdoor Avett Brothers concert and “The 13 Most Beautiful” are examples of the kind of event they’re looking for. Early announcements for this year’s festival include “This American Life”’s Ira Glass, country music singer Rosanne Cash and the dance company Momix. McDowell said she and Wierhouse have worked hard on the festival’s branding. Past festivals have been criticized for leaving patrons unclear about what events were part of the festival. “There will be a uniform look so that you’ll automatically connect the event to Westobou, which is something that we have not done in the past,” she said. “What I’m focusing on is building a festival with more cohesiveness to it — something that looks like a festival.” While no one will say just how much is riding on this year’s festival, McDowell made it clear that they’re all feeling the pressure to make this a break-out year. “The board’s been making some major changes in the festival, and my hope and my belief is that the trustees will see that the festival is vibrant this year and that it’s growing,” she said. “We’re trying to connect with the unexpected.”

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Opening Friday, April 29 Drama “Fast Five,” rated PG-13, starring Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson. You’ve heard of the “one final job” genre of crime movies? This one’s about one final race set up by former cop Walker and ex-con Diesel. Those two are no reason to make us line up for this fifth (fifth!?) in the series, but Dwayne The Rock Johnson and its IMAX format may make us change our minds.

THE8ERS Going to the movies this weekend? Here’s what’s playing. The Big Mo thebigmo.com

Musical

April 29-30 Main Field: Fast Five (PG-13) and The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13); Screen 2: Rio (G) and Hop (PG). Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

“Prom,” rated PG, starring a bunch of people you’ve never heard of. Get ready to shell out some cash to your tweens and teens for this Disney take-off of “Glee.” You can keep an eye on them from a safe distance at Limelite Cafe.

Masters 7 Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com

Family “Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil,” rated PG, starring Glenn Close, Hayden Panettiere, Patrick Warburton, Amy Poehler, Andy Dick, Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong. Little Red Riding Hood continues to fight evil, this time training with a group called the Sister Hoods. Hopefully, they’re nothing like the Sister Wives.

Horror “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night,” rated PG-13, starring Brandon Routh. A supernatural private eye looks for monsters in the Louisiana bayou. Hey, Dylan: You should probably pop over to Bon Temps and help out Sookie Stackhouse.

April 29 The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13) 4:40, 7:20, 9:50; Beastly (PG-13) 5:20, 7:40, 9:55; Hall Pass (R) 4:10, 9:35; Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son (PG13) 4:30, 7:10, 9:45; I Am Number Four (PG-13) 4:20, 7, 9:30; Unknown (PG-13) 6:50; Gnomeo and Juliet (G) 5:10, 7:30, 9:40; Just Go With It (PG-13) 4, 9:25; The King’s Speech (PG-13) 6:40 April 30 The Adjustment Bureau (PG-13) 2, 4:40, 7:20, 9:50; Beastly (PG-13) 1:10, 3:15, 5:20, 7:40, 9:55; Hall Pass (R) 4:10, 9:35; Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son (PG-13) 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 9:45; I Am Number Four (PG-13) 1:30, 4:20, 7, 9:30; Unknown (PG-13) 1:40, 6:50; Gnomeo and Juliet (G) 1, 3:05, 5:10, 7:30, 9:40; Just Go With It (PG-13) 4, 9:25; The King’s Speech (PG-13) 1: 20, 6:40

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Evans Stadium Cinemas 14 georgiatheatrecompany.com

There are some movies worth watching over and over and over again. Usually, they’re the ones filled with brilliant writing and stunning performances. Then there’s “The Fifth Element,” a 1997 movie starring Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Milla Jovovich, Ian Holm, Chris Tucker and Luke Perry. That’s a lot of stars, but what really makes this sci-fi adventure shine is the way it looks. The costumes, all 954 of them, were custommade by French designer Jean-Paul Gaultier, and comic book artist Jean-Claude Mezieres was hired as conceptual designer. Director Luc Besson put it all together in one amazing package that’s worth as many viewings as possible... because you can’t fully appreciate everything in just one. — MS

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April 29 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (PG-13) 4:10, 7:05; Fast Five (PG-13) 2:40, 4:30, 5:30, 7:45, 8:30, 9:45; Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (PG) 2:10, 4:20, 5:05, 7:10, 9:30; Prom (PG) 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9:10, 10; Water for Elephants (PG-13) 3:40, 6:40, 9:25; Atlas Shrugged: Part I (PG-13) 3:50, 9:35; The Conspirator (PG-13) 6:40; Rio the Movie (G) 2:20, 3, 4:40, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Scream 4 (R) 7:20, 9:55; Hanna (PG-13) 7, 9:40; Soul Surfer (PG) 4:50, 7:15, 9:50; Hop (PG) 3:10, 5:25, 7:40; The Lincoln Lawyer (R) 9:55 April 30 Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (PG-13) 1:10, 4:10, 7:05; Fast Five (PG-13) Noon, 1:20, 2:40, 4:30, 5:30, 7:45, 8:30, 9:45; HoodwinkedToo!Hoodvs.Evil(PG) 12:05, 2:10, 4:20, 5:05, 7:10, 9:30; Prom (PG) 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) Noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9:10, 10; Water for Elephants (PG-13) 12:30, 3:40, 6:40, 9:25; Atlas Shrugged: Part I (PG-13) 3:50, 9:35;

The Conspirator (PG-13) 12:50, 6:40; Rio the Movie (G) Noon, 12:40, 2:20, 3, 4:40, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Scream 4 (R) 1:50, 7:20, 9:55; Hanna (PG-13) 7, 9:40; Soul Surfer (PG) 1:40, 4:50, 7:15, 9:50; Hop (PG) 1, 3:10, 5:25, 7:40; The Lincoln Lawyer (R) 9:55 Regal Augusta Exchange Stadium 20 & IMAX regmovies.com April 29 Fast Five (PG-13) 12:10, 12:50, 1:20, 1:50, 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 4:40, 6:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:30, 9:50, 10:20, 10:55, 12:25, 12:40; Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (PG-13) 1, 4:05, 7:20, 9:55, 12:30; Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (PG) Noon, 2:10, 4:20, 7:15, 9:25, 11:35, midnight Prom (PG) 12:10, 2:35, 5, 7:25, 9:50, 12:15; African Cats (G) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05, 7:20, 9:35, 11:50; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 12:05, 12:35, 1:05, 2:35, 3:05, 3:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7:05, 7:35, 8:05, 9:35, 10:05, 10:35, 12:05, 12:35; Water for Elephants (PG-13) 12:40, 1:40, 3:50, 4:50, 7:05, 8:05, 10, 10:50; Rio The Movie 12:15, 12:45, 2:45, 3:15, 5:10, 7:10, 7:40, 9:30, 10, 12:20; Scream 4 (R) 1:15, 3:55, 7:10, 9:45, 12:20; Soul Surfer (PG) 1:30, 7:45; Hop (PG) 12:25, 2:40, 4:55, 7:25, 9:40, 11:55; Insidious (PG-13) 1:10, 4:15, 7, 9:45, 12:10; Source Code (PG-13) 5:15, 10:45; Jane Eyre (PG-13) 12:20, 4, 7:15, 10:15 April 30 The Metropolitan Opera: Il Trovatore (NR) 1; Fast Five (PG-13) 12:10, 12:50, 1:20, 1:50, 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 4:40, 6:35, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:30, 9:50, 10:20, 10:55, 12:25, 12:40; Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (PG-13) 1, 4:05, 7:20, 9:55, 12:30; Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (PG) Noon, 2:10, 4:20, 7:15, 9:25, 11:35 Prom (PG) 12:10, 2:35, 5, 7:25, 9:50, 12:15; African Cats (G) 12:30, 2:50, 5:05, 7:20, 9:35, 11:50; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 12:05, 12:35, 1:05, 2:35, 3:05, 3:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7:05, 7:35, 8:05, 9:35, 10:05, 10:35, 12:05, 12:35; Water for Elephants (PG-13) 12:40, 1:40, 3:50, 4:50, 7:05, 8:05, 10, 10:50; Rio The Movie 12:15, 12:45, 2:45, 3:15, 5:10, 7:10, 7:40, 9:30, 10, 11:50, 12:20; Scream 4 (R) 7:10, 9:45, 12:20; Soul Surfer (PG) 1:30, 7:45; Hop (PG) 12:25, 2:40, 4:55, 7:25, 9:40, 11:55; Insidious (PG-13) 1:10, 4:15, 12:10; Source Code (PG-13) 5:15, 10:45; Jane Eyre (PG13) 12:20, 4, 7:15, 10:15 Memphis Broadway Musical (NR) 7:30

metrospirit.com

add 30 percent to the cost of the project. Knowing he couldn’t afford to spend more than the budget, LeTellier decided to use the builder at-risk model, which makes the contractor carry the risk of going over budget. According to LeTellier, the current FBO lacks the modern amenities pilots and flight crews look for, including up-tothe-minute weather and flight planning, catering facilities for meals loaded onto the corporate jets, crew rest areas and passenger lounges. “It’s not just one or two people getting off a plane anymore,” he said. “Sometimes it’s 10 or 12.” Because Augusta Regional Airport owns the FBO, it’s able to keep the landing fees, ramp fees and fuel charges, which can be substantial. “It’s not uncommon to spend $15,000 to fill up an airplane,” he said. Last year at this time, the airport had about $150,000 in profit, LeTellier said. This year the number is almost $350,000. While that number is airport-wide, the trend carries over to the general aviation

side. Though operations were only up 2.5 percent over Masters, fuel sales were close to a record, indicating that the fuel incentive program established last year is proving successful at keeping pilots from landing in Augusta and buying their fuel somewhere else. The term for that is tinkering. Two weeks ago, LeTellier went before the commission to get approval for a builder at-risk contract for the construction of a new $4.7 million FBO, a vote that passed by the mayor’s tiebreaking vote and later found the airport in a lawsuit. “The lawsuit references us, but it really has to do with the municipal building downtown,” LeTellier explained. “The lawsuit was a move to keep from awarding this contract to a specific contractor. In the text of the lawsuit in several places it references us, but it doesn’t ask for any action against us.” He said the commission vote likely ended up deadlocked because builder at-risk contracts are relatively unusual in government work.

FEST

BODY

D SPIR IN M

Augusta’s 3rd Annual Holistic Fair presented by The Balanced Body

Saturday, April 30, 2011

10 am – 6 pm

Warren Road Community Center, 300 Warren Road Augusta, GA A day of healing featuring practitioners and vendors providing holistic services and goods.

$5 admission at the door Ticket Sales to benefit Fort Gordon’s Fisher House

Online Bids Developer Mark Herbert has put 33 of his commercial holdings up for an online auction, including 22 located at 601 North Belair Square, which technically became Evans Town Center Blvd. after the county moved North Belair Road.

Herbert Homes, the residential arm which has houses in Arlington and Grove Landing, is unaffected by the auction. Though listing the properties with an online auction similar to eBay raised quite a few eyebrows across Columbia

Because many of the businesses in the development had already spent money on letterhead and other business supplies, he kept North Belair in the name, which caused years of confusion with the post office and the fire department. Now, the county is planning to open that road up to two-way traffic, but Herbert says he’s selling regardless. “I’m just reducing my portfolio of commercial holdings,” he said.

County, Herbert insisted online auctions are the way of the future. Certainly, the bold auction signs have generated a lot of attention. Whether that attention equates to buyers remains to be seen. Ten of the office park’s 21 units are currently occupied, and Herbert said investors can bid on each individual building or the entire complex.

“After we had the project approved and had finished the offices, that’s when the county opened up Belair Road behind me and closed the road in front of me.” — Developer Mark Herbert on the road change that left much of his commercial property, including Stonecrest Steak House, marooned on a tough-to-find stub of a road. “This doesn’t have any effect on land development or building or any of that — that’s a separate enterprise. On the commercial side, we just accumulated a lot of properties and have just decided it’s time to liquidate some of them and get the cash back in and do some other properties.”

“If there is a tenant in there, it does not affect the tenant,” he said. “The tenant just goes with the new owner.”

Visit www.thebalancedbodyspa.com for Vendor application and details.

10 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

metrospirit.com

Enlightenment Augusta Prep’s Jack Hall came before the Columbia County Planning Commission asking for four lights so the school’s fledgling football team wouldn’t have to play an entire schedule on the road or at a neutral field like the county’s field at Patriot’s Park. He estimated the lights would be used 18-25 days out of a calendar year, 60 to 70 percent of those during daylight savings time, where the chance for the lights bleeding over into the neighboring Spring Lakes subdivision would be limited. With 60 percent of the national college applicant pool made up of females — a number he said is growing — Hall insisted that anything they could do to assist male students was an important part of their duties as educators, and football had so far proved to be a good motivator. In spite of Hall’s loose guarantee of no more than 25 dates and an appearance by Robert Osborn, president of the trustees of Augusta Prep, several residents of Spring Lakes continued to

oppose the lights and the accompanying sound system. Many were distrustful because, in 1997, Augusta Prep officials told residents that the field, then a soccer field, would never have lights. At that time, Augusta Prep didn’t have a football team. In spite of the objections, including those by former commissioner Tommy Mercer, who pointedly asked the planning commission if they’d want to live next to a football stadium, the request was approved 3-1. Only time will tell if Augusta Prep will come back and ask for the baseball stadium lights many in the audience feel certain they want.

“Anything we can do as a school to promote the support of males in academics and athletics is so important and a real vital thing.” — Jack Hall, head of school for Augusta Prep, while requesting four lights for the football field.

STAYING AHEAD ON NEWS. metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 11

n e w s

o f

t h e

WEIRD rooms. According to a March 25 China Daily report, the price has returned to pre-Fukushima levels — much less than what Guo paid, and he can neither return the salt (lacking documentation) nor sell nor transport it (lacking the proper licenses).

On the run? We’re everywhere you are!

Kroger

. . Publix

Circle K

12 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

Food Lion

A tank and several armored vehicles with dozens of SWAT officers and a bomb robot rolled into a generally quiet Phoenix neighborhood on March 21, startling the residents. Knocking down a wall, deputies raided the home of Jesus Llovera, who was “suspected” of running a cockfighting business and, indeed, 115 chickens were found inside, but Llovera was alone and unarmed, and his only previous connection to cockfights was a misdemeanor conviction in 2010 for attending one. “We’re going to err on the side of caution,” said Sgt. Jesse Spurgin. Riding in the tank was actor Steven Seagal, who had brought his “Lawman” reality TV show to Phoenix. The Entrepreneurial Spirit It started as a class project at Brown University, but after a launch party on March 19 (and a sold-out first run of 500), Julie Sygiel’s Sexy Period menstrual-leak-fighting panties are on sale ($32 to $44, depending on the style — “cheeky,” “hipster” or “bikini”). Sygiel said “sexy” is less to suggest sensuality than to help women cope with the time of the month when they feel “not at (their) best. We want to banish that moment.” In the early hours of the destruction at Japan’s Fukushima nuclear power plant in March, rumors abounded that millions of people might need iodine products to fight off radiation. A restaurateur named Guo in Wuhan, China, seeing the price of iodized table salt rise dramatically, cleverly cornered a market with 4 1/2 tons of it, trucked to his home, where it filled half the

Weird Science A team of whimsical researchers at the University of Osaka (Japan) Graduate School of “Frontier Biosciences” has produced a strain of mice prone to “miscopying” DNA — making them susceptible to developing sometimes-unexpected mutations, such as their recently born mouse that tweets like a bird. Lead researcher Arikuni Uchimura told London’s Daily Mail that he had expected to produce, instead, a mouse with an odd shape, but the “singing mouse” emerged. Previously, the team produced a mouse with dachshund-like short limbs. Leading Economic Indicators In March, dailycaller.com, combing federal government job announcements, found more than 1,000 in Washington, D.C., including a Facebook manager for the Interior Department ($115,000 annually), a student internship at the Housing Finance Agency ($48,000) (the same salary as being offered by the Pentagon for mailroom clerks), and managers of equal-opportunity employment programs at the Peace Corps ($155,000) and the Transportation Department (almost $180,000). Smooth Reactions A suspicious wife (who lives apart from her husband because of work requirements) flew to the couple’s principal home in Wilmette, Ill., on March 4 and, finding her husband’s new girlfriend’s clothes hanging in their closet, scissored out the crotch area of all her pants, doing about $2,000 in damage, and leaving the remnants in the driveway before returning to her East Coast home. According to police, neither the husband nor the girlfriend chose to file complaints, and the case is closed. © 2011 Chuck Shepherd

Bi-Lo metrospirit.com

Playground in the Clouds

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Sort of, is all you can really say. You ask him when he needs it done. “About Tuesday or Wednesday,” he says without the slightest trace that he’s asking for the impossible. Dumfounded, you find yourself agreeing, and then he flies you back to Hilton Head and scribbles out a check. A $50,000 check. You open up your shop, let yourself inside and pour yourself a drink. That’s how it began for designer Kelley New, and now, 37 years later, he’s standing on the same 15th-floor balcony he was plucked out of Hilton Head to create, talking fondly about how elegant it all used to be, with landscaping, trees and a bubbling fountain. It sounds like he’s talking about a park, not a balcony 15 floors up. “One balcony was decorated like a mountain resort, the other was like an island,” he says, kicking at the broken, uneven tile at his feet. “But it’s all gone to hell, now.” But back in 1974… While most of the country was struggling to overcome the financial effects of the OPEC oil embargo, state Senator R. Eugene Holley was engaging one of the world’s most influential architects to construct a penthouse atop the 61-year-old Southern Finance Building, which would later become known as the Lamar Building. It was audacious, expensive, gratuitous and, for those like New who were along for the ride, it was one of the most mindblowing periods of wretched excess Augusta has ever known. “I look back now, and honest to God I don’t see how I did it,” he says, running his hand along the wall where the fountain used to be, now nothing but a blemish on the side of the building. “I really don’t.” They packed a lot of living — and spent a lot of money — during those few short years, almost as if they knew it was too good to be true. In 1974, Holley and New were flying back and forth to New York for consultations with I.M. Pei, and by May of 1978 the bank had foreclosed on the building, selling it for $300,000 more than the cost of the penthouse. Two years after that, Holley was sentenced to 16 months in prison for bank fraud. “Everybody was a little bit envious because he was being so extravagant,” New says. “When you see palm trees flying through the air and being planted toward the top of a building, it’s hard not to be.”

Helicopters were a common sight along Broad Street during this time. Holley would use his helicopter the way the rest of Augusta would use a car, commuting back and forth from to his house on Flowing Wells Road. And while such flamboyance certainly captured people’s imagination, it also made him a prime target for the naysayers, who felt such an overt display of wealth, especially here in Augusta, especially while much of the rest of the country was struggling to make ends meet, was offensive. “It used to make me so mad when people would cut him down about the extravagance of what he was doing,” New says. “He worked hard to make the money and he was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. And he knew some of the most influential people in the world.” New, who was responsible for providing most of the style enjoyed by Holley and his entourage (a term

Holley hated), is the most interesting kind of insider — someone within the inner circle, yet outside whatever intrigues are ultimately at play when you’re talking about someone who was as rich, well-connected and politically powerful as Holley. A lawyer, businessman and state senator, Holley accumulated his wealth through his association with oil, and he used that association to finance all sorts of lavish ventures. As designer, New was third in priority for the use of the aviation department, which consisted of several airplanes and two helicopters. If he needed to go shopping in New York, he took the little Learjet because it was the fastest. If he needed to buzz back to Hilton Head, he could request one of the helicopters. Budgets never mattered, and whenever he landed, there was always a red carpet leading to the vehicle that was there to receive him.

Photos: jWhite

Eric Johnson Picture yourself a shop owner on a warm Saturday afternoon on Hilton Head Island. You might be smack dab in the middle of the dingy 1970s, back when cars belched black smoke and “Happy Days” was first-run TV, but this is Hilton Head, so it’s tough to feel too dingy. Besides, as soon as you grab a few bucks from the store, you’re off to play some tennis with your wife, so things are looking pretty good. Then you hear the little bell above the door ding. “Oh, God,” you think. “Tourists.” They’re tourists, all right, but they’re an attractive enough couple, so you let them browse, and after awhile the guy pretty much wipes your entire store clean of all its nautical decorations. “I want to do a room for a building I have in Augusta,” the man tells you, explaining their interest in the nautical items. “I just bought Pritchard Island.” Pritchard Island is… well, it’s an island. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you can just go out and buy. You think he’s odd, maybe even a little crazy, but there’s something about him that intrigues you. You talk design for a bit, and then he asks you if you could run up to Augusta with him and take a look at his project. He doesn’t know anything about design, he confesses. Only what he likes. Right, you think. Run up to Augusta. But the guy is just so eager and compelling, you can’t say no. While he drops off his wife, you call yours, telling her you’re cancelling your tennis match so you can run up to Augusta with a total stranger. Putting it into words only reinforces how strange the whole thing really is, but before you can think too much about it, the guy’s back at your shop. “Come on,” he says, running across the parking lot toward the beach. “What we’re fixin’ to do is really illegal.” Crazy you, you find yourself running after him. Then, all of a sudden, a helicopter lands on the beach — a helicopter — and about 30 minutes later you’re landing on a makeshift helipad on the back roof of a building in Augusta, where you’re introduced to 10 or 12 guys the man makes clear are at your complete and total disposal. Some oil ministers are coming in, you’re told, and he wants the office and balcony — both on the 15th floor — decorated. Oil ministers, you think. In Augusta. Then he flies off in his helicopter, returning about a half an hour later. “Well, have you got it all figured out?” he asks.

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 13

detailed work of the sixteenth floor

inside the toaster

14 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

metrospirit.com

Needless to say, it was an experience of a lifetime and a professional opportunity like no other. “I had an army of people and the aircraft at my disposal,” he says. “I don’t know of any designers who have ever, ever had that. I know a lot of designers still in New York, and there’s some flamboyant stuff, but not like that.” Perhaps most impressive was his relationship with the accountant on the 15th floor. “I just called John when I needed money and he’d write me a check,” New says. “We’re talking anything from $25,000 to $250,000.” When New took the responsibility of picking out the marble for the penthouse, which came to be known as the toaster, it became a chore that found him not just picking out Italian marble in Italy, but picking out Italian marble from a helicopter while the marble was still in the ground. “The pilot said, ‘You just tell me when you see a mountain that you like,’” New remembers. When he did, the pilot shot out a plunger-like marker that had Pei’s name as well as his. “Six months later, the marble was in pieces and in the penthouse.” While New decorated several things for Holley, including a private ski resort in Tennessee and the largest of his airplanes, the most obvious and influential project, of course, was the I.M Pei designed penthouse project. Best known for the John F. Kennedy Library and the glass pyramid at the Louvre, Pei also designed the James Brown Arena, the Chamber of Commerce Building and the fountains and parks in the middle of Broad Street, which were part of a downtown revitalization project. On a trip to New York, New asked Pei privately why he chose to top the Italianate building with a wedge-shaped structure made of glass and steel. “Well, you’ve seen the caryatids on the front of the building, I’m sure,” Pei replied. New lied and said of course he had; then he raced home to check them out. A caryatid is a sculpted female figure serving as a support. “That was his reasoning behind it, and Gene didn’t even know it,” New says. “We talked about it on the plane on the way back, and he was surprised. I think he trusted Pei’s name, and to be perfectly honest — and he would never have admitted it — but I think he was shocked by the look of it, because I was in New York when they did the unveiling, and looking at Gene, he was like… whoa.” The unveiling was an elaborate affair, with dignitaries Holley had flown up and metrospirit.com

a fully lighted model of the project. At a later meeting, Pei asked New what style he planned to use for the interior. “I don’t know what possessed me to say it, but I told him, ‘The total opposite of what you’re doing,’ and he said, “Oh, my God — that’s fabulous.’” And in a way it was all somehow fitting, filling a modern addition to an old building with even older artifacts, most from the 17th century. “I thought it’s all marble, glass and steel — it’s going to be so cold, like a tomb up there, so I decided to warm it up with the rugs and furniture and stuff,” New says. When it opened in 1975, the penthouse was the epitome of modern function and design. With a punch of a button at the corner of his desk, Holley could make everything magically happen. Shades would come down from the ceiling,

darkening the big glass panels. Drapes would close around the room. A tapestry of the ascension, one of Holley’s favorite items, would ascend to reveal a projection screen “It was so high-tech for its day,” New says. “It was like a cocoon, a total blackout in the middle of the day. It was just bizarre.” The parties, of course, kept pace with the surroundings, with guests ferried up by helicopter and then the spectacular Pei-designed glass elevator. In fact, the grand opening, which was attended by Pei himself, featured a small orchestra on one side of the penthouse and a concert grand piano on the other. The piano had to be raised up by helicopter, arranged in the elevator and then tilted to get through the doorway. Always a showman, Holley would often impress guests by ordering meals from the neighboring Pinnacle Club and then sending his helicopter to pick them up.

inspirationforthetoaster

fifteenth floor balcony METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 15

view from elevator heading to heliport

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While the ground-level public might have tolerated such high-flying excess, public opinion turned when Holley, always a religious man, erected a lighted cross on top of the penthouse just after Christmas, 1975. “Christmas is so commercialized now, that my family and I decided to make a present to Jesus on his birthday,” Holley told Augusta. For many, that seemed to have been the last straw. Letters to the editor continually attacked Holley for the cross and the perceived hypocrisy of it. Building a penthouse out of glass and steel might have been forgivable hubris, but erecting a 4,700 pound, 36-foot-tall cross as a response to

commercialism seemed by many to be almost sacrilegious. “When he did that, people thought he was just about ready to be committed,” New says. “He and I never really talked about it, but I think he knew I didn’t like it architecturally.” If this were a work of fiction, the story would end here, with an obscenely wealthy man reading his Bible under a glowing cross in his penthouse in the clouds. But life is seldom as poetic as we’d like it to be. Financial problems, a conviction for bank fraud and a year in prison all make a suitably poetic fall from grace, but even that isn’t the end.

The end of the story doesn’t come for nearly 20 more years, when, after living a progressively downsized life, Holley collapses and dies in 2000. For New, who now lives in the building that contained such grandeur, the memories are sometimes hard to take, like when he’s standing on the balcony near the epicenter of where it all began for him. Holley wanted that initial project done by Wednesday. New and the contractors finished up on Tuesday night, and, on Wednesday morning, Holley phoned saying he was ready to check out their work. “Needless to say, I was very apprehensive,” New says, “and it got

worse when he came in and said, ‘Oh, shit.’ At first I thought that was a bad thing, but then he looked around and said, ‘Man, I can’t believe this. These people are going to go crazy.’” From there, Holley asked if would consider doing some more work for him, which eventually included the penthouse. “He was the type of guy who either liked you or he didn’t,” he says. “But once you gained his trust, you were his friend, and that day in Hilton Head, we just clicked.”

view from fifteenth floor balcony

metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 17

The Lunch Bunch, a bereavement support group for adults, meets Wednesday, May 4, at noon at Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ cafeteria dining room A on the first floor. Preregistration required. Depression and Anxiety Support Group, for those suffering from chronic pain and illness, meets Wednesday, May 4, at 2 p.m. at the Family Counseling Center of the CSRA. Huntington Disease Support Group is Thursday, May 5, at 6:30 p.m. at MCGHealth’s Marks Building.

Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meets each Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. in Suite 110 of Medical Office Building 2, 3624 J. Dewey Gray Circle, on the Doctors Hospital campus.

Education Using the Internet is a computer class at the Appleby Branch Library on Thursday, April 28, at 11 a.m. Preregistration required. Planned Gifts: Effects on Estate and Tax Planning, a free public event offered by USC-Aiken, is Thursday, April 28, at 4:30 p.m. in the conference room of USC Aiken’s Pickens-Salley House. Preregistration required. CSRA Transition Resource Fair, for students with disabilities and their families, as well as teachers, is Saturday, April 30, from 9 a.m.-noon at Westside High School. Email Essentials is a two-session computer class at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library that meets Tuesdays, May 3 and 10, at 2 p.m. Free, but preregistration required. Beginning Email is a computer class at the Wallace Branch Library on Tuesday, May 3, at 6 p.m. Free, but preregistration required. Brown Bag History Series, featuring Tom Robertson speaking about restoration to the Augusta Canal, is Wednesday, May 4, at 11:30 a.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Free for members; $3 for non-members. “Worlds in Motion” shows each Saturday in April at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium at the Ruth Patrick Science Education Center, USC-Aiken. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for

24 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A staff and students.

706-868-5011 fcccsra.org

Benefits

Fort Gordon: fortgordon.com Springfest: 706-791-6779 Woodworth Library: 706-791-2449

Sweet Celebrations, a RECing Crew fundraiser featuring desserts from local businesses, silent auctions and entertainment, is Saturday, April 30, from 6-9 p.m. at the North Augusta Community Center. 26th Annual Jernigan Memorial Golf Tournament, a benefit for University Hospital’s Jernigan Cancer Center, is Monday, May 2, at noon at Woodside Country Club in Aiken. Ribs, Bibs & Dibs, a fundraiser dinner and auction for the Senior Citizens Council and Senior Corps, is Tuesday, May 3, at 5:30 p.m. at Advent Luthern Church on Washington Road. $20.

French Club 706-737-6962 Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters 803-593-6605 Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art 706-722-5495 ghia.org Grace Over Fences 803-641-1111 aikenchamber.net The Greater Augusta Arts Council 706-826-4702 augustaarts.com Hammond’s Ferry 803-380-1323 hammondsferry.com Harlem High School Drama Department harlemdrama@gmail.com

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 8:45 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons.

Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society 706-790-9274 hjcms.org

Sports-Outdoors

Imperial Theatre 706-722-8341 imperialtheatre.com

Silver Bluff Audubon Sactuary Tour begins at 8 a.m. at Kathwood Ponds on Saturday, April 30. Unlocking the Waters: The Waterway Engineering of the Canal Headgates and Locks is a discovery walk on Saturday, April 30, at 10 a.m. or Sunday, May 1, at 3 p.m. that begins at the canal headgates at Savannah Rapids Pavilion. $2 per adult and $1 per child.

Highfields Events Center 803-649-3505 psjshows.com/highfields.php Huisman Sickle Cell Foundation of Augusta 706-210-8839 or 706-860-0379

James Brown Arena 877-4AUGTIX georgialinatix.com Just Breathe Yoga Studio, Aiken 803-648-8048 justbreathestudio.com KINCS 706-541-0146, 706-955-8232 Laney-Walker Neighborhood Association 706-306-5027

DIRECTORY

Moms Connection meets every Tuesday from 1-2 p.m. at 1225 Walton Way (the old Fairway Ford dealership), room 1010C. Pre-registration required.

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open 7 days lunch/dinner

Sticky Situation Will Augusta Ever Be Rid of Regency Mall?

Thanks to District 5 Commissioner Bill Lockett, Regency Mall is popping back up on the city’s radar screen. And, after hashing things out in the engineering services committee, the former hot potato issue, which has cooled considerably over the 10 years it’s been vacant, is now with Rob Sherman, director of license and inspection. Lockett requested that the committee discuss the initiation of condemnation procedures for Regency Mall. “For many years now, I’ve heard commissioners talk about Regency Mall,” he said. “I was told it’s not an eyesore because there are trees surrounding it and no one sees it. Well, I try to convince myself — and I go by there several times a day — that it’s not there, but it just doesn’t work.” Lockett, who’s a central player

Sherman explained that while the owners haven’t been successful in finding a buyer for the property, they’ve done just enough upkeep to the grounds outside when requested to remain in compliance. The building is also secure and the taxes are paid. “We’re sort of limited to what we can do,” Sherman admitted. Sherman did acknowledge that the last time anyone was inside the mall was two or three years ago, though reports of increasing mold have become commonplace, especially since the Marshal’s Office substation moved off the grounds late last month. “The property is uninhabitable,” Lockett said. While the current mothball ordinance allows a property to be mothballed for a year with the

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in the current commission dispute regarding the structure of Augusta’s government and the power given to the administrator, attempted to appeal to his fellow commissioners’ sense of community, arguing that something’s wrong if they can’t do something about a property bordering so many different districts. Consensus-building may be an unlikely role for Lockett, who, throughout the charter debate, has displayed a fondness for digging into the fine print of Augusta’s governing documents to find support for his arguments. But here he used that expertise to dig out Title 7, Buildings and Construction, Section 7-1-19, Mothballing Vacant Structures. He referenced this while asking Sherman to explain how the abandoned mall everyone admits in an overvalued eyesore can continue to keep its spot along Gordon Highway.

possibility of an extra year extension, Regency Mall was grandfathered in, meaning that, unless something significant changes, the situation could linger for quite a while longer. That little phrase — unless something significant changes — brought about at least a small degree of hope, a hope far more realistic than the potential purchasers the owners teased in an April 22 letter and one far less ostentatious than Fred Russell’s lake, which he said would create an environment that could be “worthwhile to people in the private market.” “In the event the condition changes from how it was prior,” Sherman said, “then yes — they would be in violation of the new code and we could address it.” At that, Corey Johnson made a motion to request a new walkthrough and an update, which Sherman agreed to initiate.

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Country Fun The weather should be perfect this Sunday, May 1, for the 26th Annual A Day in the Country, a festival featuring the best in country music held at Augusta’s Riverfront Marina. This year’s all-star lineup includes Montgomery Gentry, Justin Moore, Corey Smith, SFC Jamie Buckley and Rachel Farley and tickets are on sale now. Sure you could get general admission tickets ($30 in advance; $35 at the gate with one child 6 and under getting in free with each adult), but the $45 sand pit tickets (sold only in advance) are the only way you’ll get in front of the stage, as well as meet a nice girl in a rebel flag bikini that you can take home to Mama. If you prefer, a $65 advance tickets to the Rhinehart’s Cafe gets you a great location plus food. Music starts at noon for the festival, but get there when gates open at 11 a.m. if you want to get a good spot. For more information, visit www.tixonline.com/adayinthecountry.

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METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 19

calendar Social Canvas, featuring musical and dance performances as well as local artists creating original artwork inspired by the live music, is Sunday, May 1, from 1-4 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. The Second Annual ARTisan Market, featuring jewelry, pottery, photography, folk art and textile art, is Sunday, May 1, from noon-4 p.m. along the Riverwalk at the Morris Museum of Art. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will

“I Will Tell You a Place: Paintings by Brian Rutenberg” shows through May 15 at the Morris Museum of Art. Lewis and Clark Traveling Exhibit, sponsored by the National Endowment for the Humanities, is at the Headquarters Branch Library throughout the month of April. Vintage Kodak Camera Collection, from the collection of Dennis Cavanaugh, is on the third floor of the Headquarters Branch Library throughout the month of April. Oil and Watercolor Paintings, painted by Joseph Daniel Gray from March 5,

are encouraged to bring snacks and beverages along on this one and a half hour cruise in the Petersburg Boat. $25, with pre-registration required. Convenant Concert Series, featuring violinist Michael Keelan, clarinetist Taylor Massey and Pianist Jason Maynard, is Friday, April 29, at 7:30 p.m. at the church. Free, but an offering will be taken.

Hopelands Summer Concert Series is each Monday evening, May-August, at 7 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken.

Literary Local Authors Book Signing, in which local writers will discuss their creative processes, is Saturday, April 30, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. in the lobby of the Columbia County Library.

A Day in the Country tixonline.com/adayinthecountry Ah Spring! Concert 803-641-3305 aikenperformingartsgroup.org Aiken Brewing Company 803-502-0707 aikenbrewingcompany.com Aiken Center for the Arts 803-278-0709 aikenartistguild.org Aiken Community Playhouse 803-648-1438 aikencommunityplayhouse.com Aiken Regional Medical Center 800-332-8322 aikenregional.com Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse 706-724-6777 andyjordans.com Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club 706-854-0149 augustasoccer.com

answer questions or allow visitors to join in.

Exhibitions Painter, Photographer and Video Artist Christopher Kuhl will display his work in the second floor gallery at the Headquarters Branch Library throughout the month of May. He will also visit the library on Sunday, May 1, from 1-2 p.m. to discuss his work. Cynthia Cox Exhibition of landscapes in pastel and oil shows throughout the month of May at the Aiken Center for the Arts. “Resonance,” works by Mexican artist Rocío Maldonado, shows through May 27 at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art and a fully illustrated catalogue of the artist’s work will accompany the exhibition and is available for $10.

20 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

1918-March 18, 1988, shows on the third floor of the Headquarters Branch Library throughout the month of April.

Music Ah, Spring!, a concert featuring mezzo-soprano Frederica von Stade and conducted by Maestro Donald Portnoy, is Thursday, April 28, at 8 p.m. at USCAiken’s Etherredge Center. $50. Master Class for college-level singers interested in opera performance, led by mezzo-soprano Frederica von Stade, is Friday, April 29, at 1:30 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. Tickets to observe the class can be purchased at apagonline.org. The Henrys perform Americana music with guitars and strings on the Augusta Canal’s Moonlight Music Cruise Friday, April 29, at 6:30 p.m. Participants

Augusta Birth Network augustabirthnetwork.org Augusta Canal 706-823-0440 augustacanal.com Augusta Choral Society 706-826-4713 augustachoralsociety.org Augusta Coin Club 706-829-5484 augustacoinclub.org Augusta Gardens Assisted Living Community 706-868-6500 Augusta Genealogical Society 706-722-4073 Augusta GreenJackets 706-922-WINS greenjacketsbaseball.com Augusta Ice Sports Center 706-863-0061 augustaicesports.com

DIRECTORY

Arts

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Brandi Cummings, author of “Straight to the Heart: Life & Love,” will hold a book talk and signing at the Headquarters Branch Library on Monday, May 2, at 6:30 p.m. NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free.

Theater “Cotton Patch Gospel,” a retelling of the life of Jesus in modern-day rural Georgia, shows April 27-29 at 7 p.m. and April 30 at 3 and 7 p.m. at Harlem High School. Tickets are $10, or $6 for the matinee. “Hairspray,” an Augusta Players production, shows at the Imperial Theatre Friday-Saturday, April 29-30, at 8 p.m. and Sunday, May 1, at 3 p.m. Tickets are $15-$41. Auditions for “Moonlight & Magnolias,” a slapstick comedy production of the Edgefield County Theatre Company, are Sunday, May 1, and Monday, May 2, at 7 p.m. at the William Miller Bouknight Theatre in Edgefield. The production, which will be staged June 17-19 and June 25-26, has three adult male and one adult female role available.

Dance Friday Dance is every Friday night from 8:30-11 p.m. at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. $5. Christian Singles Dance, for ages 18 and over, is every Saturday night at The Ballroom Dancer Center in Evans from 7-11 p.m. $8-$10.

Flix “The Social Network” shows Tuesday, May 3, at 6:30 p.m. as part of the Movies @ Headquarters series at the Headquarters Branch Library. “Bobby Jones, Stroke of Genius” shows throughout April at the Augusta Museum of History as part of the museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission. “James Brown: Soul Survivor” shows throughout May at the Augusta Museum of History as part of the museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission.

Special Events Blood Drive, co-hosted by Augusta Gardens Assisted Living Community and Shepeard Community Blood Center, is Thursday, April 28, from 10

event, is from 10:30 a.m.-4 p.m. on Saturday, April 30, at North Augusta’s Living History Park.

a.m.-2 p.m. at Augusta Gardens, 3725 Wheeler Road. Sacred Heart Garden Festival Preview Party, which includes dinner and entertainment, is at 7 p.m. on Thursday, April 28. $65. Pre-registration required.

A Day in the Country, featuring music from Montgomery Gentry, Justin Moore, Corey Smith, SFC Jamie Buckley and Rachel Farley, is Sunday, May 1, at Augusta Riverfront Marina from 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Tickets are $30-$65.

The Sacred Heart Garden Festival, featuring displays, a marketplace, seminars, tours, entertainment and food, is FridaySaturday, April 29-30, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday, May 1, from noon-5 p.m. Tickets are $25 per person, with children 12 and under receiving free admission.

A “Birthday” Tribute To The Godfather of Soul, featuring James Brown’s daughter Deanna BrownThomas, is Sunday, May 1, at 3 p.m. at the Judith Simon Drama Studio. Tickets are $12 for adults and $8 for students.

Grace Over Fences, a sunset reception honoring the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton, is Friday, April 29, at 6 p.m. at the Highfields Event Center. Tickets are $60 to this cocktailattire event, which includes drinks, dinner and entertainment.

Tribute To The Godfather of Soul Dinner Theatre, featuring James Brown’s daughter Deanna Brown-Thomas, is Tuesday, May 3, at 7:30 p.m. at the Judith Simon Drama Studio. Tickets are $28.50.

Fifth Annual Historic Beech Island Tour, including Woodlawn, Redcliffe Plantation, Hammond House, cemeteries and more, is Saturday, April 30, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. A barbecue lunch will be served at the society’s Visitor Center from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. for $8. Tickets are $25 for adults or $20 in advance, $20 for seniors or $15 in advance (children under 18 free).

Spring Fest at Fort Gordon is Thursday-Friday, May 5-6, at 4 p.m. at Barton Field and features live entertainment, carnival rides, activities, and food. Brick Yard Market is each Friday from 6-9 p.m. at Hammond’s Ferry in North Augusta and features fresh produce and goods, as well as live music

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Saturday Market at the River, located at 8th Street Plaza, downtown Augusta, is each Saturday, April 16-Oct. 29, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m.

Health Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, April 28, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Infant CPR Class is Thursday, April 28, from 7-8:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Weekend Childbirth Education is April 29, from 6:30-9:30 p.m., and April 30, from 9 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Preregistration required. Saturday Express Lamaze Childbirth Preparation meets April 30 from 8:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta and includes information on labor and delivery, postpartum adjustment and a tour of the childbirth unit. Pre-registration required. You’re A Big Girl Now, a puberty class for girls ages 9-12 and their mothers, is Saturday, April 30, from 10 a.m.-noon at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Cancer Information Class, a community health education class led by Amiyana Gadsden-Barrett, is Saturday, April 30, at 1:30 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Free, but preregistration is encouraged. Family Focused Childbirth Tour meets Monday, May 2, at 2 p.m. in the main lobby of Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Augusta Birth Network Meeting, for moms to be who want to know about local birth options, is Monday, May 2, at 7 p.m. at EarthFare. Total Joint Replacement Class is Tuesdays, May 3 and 17, from 1-3 p.m. at University Hospital’s Levi Hill III Auditorium. On Being a Girl, a puberty class for girls ages 9-12 and their moms, female friends or relatives, meets Tuesday, May 3, at 6 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. $10 per person, with preregistration required. Weight Loss Surgery and You is a free class on Tuesday, May 3, from 6-7 p.m. at University Hospital’s Heart & Vascular Institute. Pre-registration required. Cribs for Kids, a program to teach

22 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

caregivers how to provide safe sleep environment for babies, is Thursday, May 5, at 5:45 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Those who can demonstrate a financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier for $10. Pre-registration required. Joint Efforts, a informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic.

Support Let’s Talk, a general cancer support group, meets Tuesday, April 28, from 5:30 to 7 p.m. in the MCGHealth Cancer Center’s community conference. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, April 28, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. AWAKE Support Group, for those diagnosed with or interested in sleep apnea, meets Thursday, April 28, from 7-9 p.m. at the MCGHealth Children’s Medical Center resource library. KINCS, Kids in Need of a Cure, is a family network and support group for type 1 diabetics and their families, meets Saturday, April 30, at Panera Bread. CSRA Dream Catchers, a support group for those with traumatic brain injuries and disabilities, meets Monday, May 2, at 6 p.m. in Aiken Regional Medical Centers’ dining room A. Aiken Stroke and Outpatient Support Group, for patients, family members and caregivers, meets Monday, May 2, at 6 p.m. at Aiken Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Center. Parents Healing Together, a support group for parents, families and friends who have lost infants, meets Monday, May 2, at 7 p.m. at University Hospital’s dining room 2. Pink Ribbonettes, an American Cancer Society breast cancer self-help group, meets Tuesday, May 3, at 10:30 a.m. at Millbrook Baptist Church. Preregistration required. A-Team Autism Spectrum Disorder Support and Resource Group meets Tuesday, May 3, from 6-7 p.m. at MCGHealth Children’s Medical Center’s Family Resource Library. CSRA Huntington’s Disease Support Group meets Tuesday, May 3, at 6:30 p.m. in the MCG Movement Disorders Clinic conference room.

Augusta Mini Theatre 706-722-0598 augustaminitheatre.com Augusta Museum of History 706-722-8454 augustamuseum.org Augusta Players 706-826-4707 augustaplayers.org Augusta Rugby Football Club arj6402@yahoo.com The Ballroom Dance Center 706-854-8888 thebdc.us Barnes & Noble 706-737-0012 bn.com Beech Island Historic Tour 803-827-3600, 803-827-0184 beech-islandhistory.org Bell Auditorium 877-4AUGTIX georgialinatix.com Blanchard Woods Park 706-312-7192 columbiacountyga.gov Chain Reaction Bicycles 706-855-2024 chainreactionbicycles.net City of Aiken: cityofaikensc.gov H.O. Weeks Center: 803-642-7631 Hopelands Gardens: 803-642-7630 City of Augusta augustaga.gov Columbia County Chamber of Commerce 706-651-0018 columbiacountychamber.com Columbia County Government: columbiacountyga.gov Special Events: 706-312-7192 or 706-312-7195 Community Development and Improvement Corporation 803-663-6848 foreclosurehelpforsc.org Consumer Credit Counseling Service 706-736-2090 cccsaugusta.org Covenant Church 706-733-0513 covenantaugusta.org CSRA Humane Society 706-261-PETS csrahumanesociety.org CSRA Dream Catchers 803-279-9611 csradreamcatchers.com Doctors Hospital 706-651-2229 doctors-hospital.net The DuPont Planetarium, USC-Aiken 803-641-3654 http://rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium/ East Central Georgia Regional Library System: ecgrl.org Headquarters Branch: 706-821-2600 Appleby Branch: 706-736-6244 Columbia County Branch: 706-863-1946 Harlem Branch: 706-556-9795 Maxwell Branch: 706-793-2020 Diamond Lakes Branch: 706-772-2432 Wallace Branch: 706-722-6275 Edgefield County Theatre Company 803-637-3833 Family Counseling Center of the CSRA

DIRECTORY

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Wilderness Survival, a backcountry camping and emergency survival skills class for ages 18 and up, is Saturday, April 30, at 10 a.m. at Reed Creek Park. Pre-registration required. The Augusta GreenJackets play the West Virginia Power ThursdaySaturday, May 5-7, at 7:05 p.m. and Sunday, May 8, at 2:05 p.m. at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Tickets are $1-$13. Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Three- and four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Hockey Skills & Drills is every Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Augusta Ice Sports Center. $10-$15. Held every Thursday. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Augusta Rugby Football Club meets every Tuesday and Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at the Julian Smith Casino ballpark. New players are welcome. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center.

Kids Nurturing Nature Walks, for those ages 3-5, is a Reed Creek Park program on Thursday, April 28, at 10 a.m. Free for members; $2 per child for nonmembers. Pre-registration is required. Snakes, Frogs, Turtles, Oh My!, a kids class at Reed Creek Park led

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by Savannah River Ecology Lab herpetologist Sean Poppy, is Friday, April 29, at 4:30 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Free, but pre-registration required. Young Adult Poetry Slam is Friday, April 29, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Jump for Joy, an after-hours night for children with special needs, is Sunday, May 1, at 6 p.m. Mexico’s Independence Day Special Story Time and Craft is Tuesday, May 3, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Eensy Weensy Spider Story Time is Wednesday, May 4, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Mother Day Card Children’s Craft Time is Wednesday, May 4, at 10:30 a.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Story Time at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, including books, stories, songs, games and more, is each Tuesday at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required for groups of six or more. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Storytime in the Gardens, a free program for children 8 and under, is held Tuesdays through May at 4 p.m. in Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Free. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m.

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484. The Volunteen Program at MCGHealth, a six-week hands-on program for high school students ages 15-18, is now taking applications for its summer session. Application deadline is April 30.

Seniors

Augusta Genealogical Society meets every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at 9 a.m. and Sundays from 2-5 p.m. at the society’s Adamson Library, 1109 Broad St. Free.

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Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall.

Hobbies

Silversneakers I is offered Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. Meeting, for those who want to brush up and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays on their public speaking skills, is every CCP Color 29¢ SpiritWednesday Ad 4.3x5.369 at 11:15 a.m., while Copies Silversneakers at noon at the Cotton Patch Yogastretch is offered Mondays and downtown. Free. Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. French Club meets each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Borders. Free. Ceramics Class if offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 Want to have your event listed in the p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Metro Spirit calendar? Call Amy Christian Weeks Center. at 706-496-2535 or email amy@ themetrospirit.com. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m.

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Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center.

Yoga I and II is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m.

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Senior Citizens Council 706-868-0120 seniorcitizenscouncil.org Almost new home near Ft. Gordon. 3 BR 2 BA. Dbl garage. Fireplace. $0 Down. $ Closing Costs. $1,000 mo. Come take a look!

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Silver Bluf f Audubon Sanctuary 803-471-0291 augustaaikenaudubon.org Skip to My Lupus 803-282-9193 skiptomylupus.org Soul City Sirens soulcitysirens.com Southeastern Filmmakers henndude@yahoo.com southeasternfilmmakers.com Symphony Orchestra Augusta 706-826-4705 soaugusta.org

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United Way of the CSRA 706-724-5544 uwcsra.org University Hospital: universityhealth.org Women’s Center: 706-774-2825 Breastfeeding Class: 706-721-9351 Look Good, Feel Better: 706-731-9900 Diabetes Support: 706-868-3241 Prostate Cancer Support: 706-868-8758 North Augusta Alzheimer’s Support: 803-2785611 My Mom Has Breast Cancer: 706-774-4141 Weekend Childbirth Education: 706-774-2825 Total Joint Replacement Class: 706-774-2760 Jernigan Golf Tournament: 706-729-5660, 706729-5654 Weight Loss Surgery and You: 706-774-8931

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THE

BOX TOPS

Fans still flock to “Rio” and keep the bunny love alive for “Hop” at the box office for the weekend ending Sunday, April 24. RANK TITLE

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WEEK #

LAST WEEK

RIO

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$ 81,261,000

MADEA’S BIG HAPPY FAMILY $25,750,000

$ 25,750,000

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$ 17,500,000

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SCREAM 4

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“Water for Elephants” Sam Eifling Not as bad as you might think! It may be impossible to truly loathe “Water for Elephants.” Faint praise, perhaps, but it’s also a real feat considering its romantic leads are the inadvertently deadpan Robert Pattinson, whose cheekbones starred in the “Twilight” films, and Reese Witherspoon, who tends to make movies moms admire and boyfriends dread. “Water for Elephants” may fit that formula — but it also feels authentic to the Depression era in which it’s mostly set, contains enough danger and action to temper the romance (and vice versa) and strides ahead with purpose and verve. For an inoffensive big-budget star vehicle, it ain’t bad at all. We open in the rain, at a midway, where a bow-tied nonagenarian named Jacob Jankowski (a plucky Hal Holbrook) reveals to a curious carny that he was present for a legendary 1931 circus disaster. Plied by scotch, he tosses the narration to his former self (Pattinson) just as young Jacob is on the verge of graduating Cornell with a veterinary medicine degree. In short order, Jacob’s life implodes, and the young man falls in with the

traveling — and struggling — Binzini Brothers circus. Its owner, August (Christoph Waltz) takes a shine to the forthright Ivy Leaguer, and appoints him veterinarian. Jacob immediately defies his boss by putting down the ailing lead horse in the circus’ top act, which happens to star August’s wife, Marlena (Witherspoon). August erupts with a wrath that serves to push Jacob and Marlena closer together. Then he regroups and bets the circus’ future on a bold acquisition: an elephant, name of Rosie. Jacob has to train her, Marlena has to ride her and August has to

mistreat her so we know he’s the bad guy. Fans of the novel will notice that the film has promoted August from head trainer to owner, while fans of “Inglourious Basterds” will notice that Waltz is finally in another role that wraps a murderer’s disposition in an aristocrat’s refinement. Waltz’ August thrashes his elephant, feeds his big cats spoilt meat, has his workers tossed from the moving train to avoid paying them — and yet, he still beguiles. That Waltz can inspire fear, hatred and respect is a credit to his prowess. That

Pattinson can even hold down the other half of the screen says a great deal for the young recovering vampire. Pattinson and Witherspoon manage something like chemistry together, but she never quite convinces us why he’d be willing to risk his life to step between her and August. Director Francis Lawrence, a music video veteran, seems content that the idea of Marlena will be enough to seduce the audience. Though “Water for Elephants” packs a lot of grit and violence into its two PG-rated hours, it also leans heavily on ideas rooted in American nostalgia for its formative pre-war years. Thus we’re treated to loving shots of locomotives and burlesque dancers and big tops decked with 48-starred American flags. This is America, mired in a busted economy, and we know this pitch by heart. Even if we don’t totally believe the boy-girl romance at its center, you can’t help but leave “Water for Elephants” with a heart going pitty-pat for the nasty, brutish circus life, always peddling magic for suckers.

MOVIE REVIEW metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 29

sightings Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

95 Rock’s Big Troy, Allie Clemmons, Emphatic’s Patrick Michael Wilson and Brandy Bunch at Vue.

Cedric Liz Seyberth, Smith, Donna Barbara Briscoe, Allen, Bridget Angela Ball Jones and Julie and Randy Menger Hunter at atthe SkyPar City. 3 Party at the Augusta Common

Kayla Kast with American Idol’s Bucky Covington and Courtney Johnson at Coyote’s.

James Thompson, Amber Hiller and Julie Hiller at The Playground. Shawna Williamson, Corbett Jackson and Robin Dixon at Coyote’s.

CedricScott, Smith,Lee Donna Briscoe, Lauren Hodges and Angela Jones and RandyClub. Cassidy Brooke at The County Hunter at the Par 3 Party at the Augusta Common

Brad Griffin, Tharyn Turner, Ashten Johnson and Cody Stringfield at Blues, Brews & BBQ at the Columbia County Amphitheatre.

Dorn Smith, Leigh Harris Regan and Debbie Smith at Wild Wing Cafe.

Kacey Washington, Donna Colvin and Amanda Sikes at French Market Grille.

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Amy Christian

ART

Can You Pass Me the Burnt Sienna? Remember what it’s like to open the lid of a brand-new box of crayons and take each perfectly sharpened one out, one by one, so you could check out the names — Wild Blue Yonder, Purple Mountain’s Majesty, Dandelion, Banana Mania— before you got down to the business of coloring? Chances are, unless you have children or happen to be a teacher, that simple joy is just one of the many aspects of childhood you left behind long ago. One local art teacher, however, decided to help work-addled, stress-out grownups recapture a little bit of that joy. So Staci Swider and five of her artist friends have created a coloring book for adults. “There are a lot of people who like to do things that are creative,” the North Harlem Elementary School teacher and former fabric designer explained. “But they might not sit down and paint a picture or have time to learn to knit.” The idea, Swider said, had been percolating in her brain for a while, but it wasn’t until she was talking to fellow artists Jay Jacobs and Jason Craig at last fall’s Sweet Little Chair-ity, in which they each painted and auctioned off children’s chairs for the Ronald McDonald House, that she really thought it might work. “Originally, I thought I would put out a call for art, set up a p.o. box and anybody could submit a piece of art, and then we’d get together and choose,” she said. “But it seemed like it would be really, really complicated. Then I was talking to Jay [Jacobs] and Jason [Craig] and they said, ‘Why don’t we keep it to just us and see what we come up with and take it from there.’” Since that time, Leonard Zimmerman, Chris Murray and Rich Menger joined up and the group set about trying to come up with a cohesive way to connect all their drawings, finally deciding that themes instead of a story was the way to go. So each artists came up with a list of themes, which they narrowed down to six and then, finally, four. “These guys are all so brilliant anyway and have such unusual thought processes that I was just blown away with what

32 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

they came up with and some were so funny,” Swider said. “Like things that float. We had all these elegant thoughts and then this one, that I think Leonard came up with. Jay actually I think is the one who came up with the four we finally decided to go with.” The final themes ended up being things that float, a bad idea, a promise I won’t keep and getting even. Each artist would illustrate each theme. Some, like Swider’s and Jacobs’ four drawings, tell a story. Others, like Craig’s and Zimmerman’s, have a recurring character but no narrative to speak of. Swider’s story is an elaborate one involving a Russian egg, a fairy, a bird and a surprise twist ending. “I have no idea,” she said, when asked where she came up with the original idea. “I’ll be honest, I really hammered out the idea with a friend of mine. We were in the car driving, throwing ideas back and forth. He came up with the twist at the end. “Jay’s is a story about a rat king. He tells it better, but it’s about a rat king and a seamstress. In the end, the rat king becomes the pauper and the seamstress becomes the one with the power,” she said, adding after a short pause. “You get a bunch of artists together and you never know what they’re going to come up with.” Coming up with the ideas, even the actual work of drawing, is something Swider said wasn’t as difficult as the one roadblock artists sometimes face. “We have a tendancy to get together and come up with these great ideas and then our art brains take over, and we think of something else and then it’s on to another idea,” Swider explained. “So I just told everybody, ‘You come up with these great ideas and I’ll just keep everybody focused and going.’ I’m kind of the coordinator and mom of the group.” Now that the drawings are finished, work has begun on actually putting the book together and printing it, something Swider said she’s relied heavily on Jason Craig to help with. “We are about to get together and look at the mock up, the prototype, and make

sure it’s okay and see how many we want to have printed because we’re all doing it with our own money so that affects the outcome,” Craig said. “Unless someone wants to buy them for us, each person is putting in their share and then each person will get their share of coloring books and then they can decide whether they want to sell them or give them away.” Craig and Swider said that they plan on printing 500, which will make this a

Realistically, though, this first coloring book could pop up anywhere. “Part of it, too, is it’ll be a cool supplement,” Craig said. “So if I do a show, if Leonard does a show, we’ll have them there and you’ll be able to buy them.” Right now, however, their goal is to bring out the kid in their customers. “Everybody remembers the brandnew box of crayons or markers,” Swider said. “That takes them back to a time in

collectible. They will sell for $15 each. They had hoped to have them done and ready by May’s First Friday so that they could rent a booth, but it looks like it might be closer to June. After the still-untitled book is unveiled there is talk of everything from an Arts in the Heart of Augusta booth, in which visitors could color and submit pictures, to a show in which a few of the illustrations would be blown up so that many people could color on them. The finished products, Swider said, would then be auctioned off and the proceeds given to charity. And, of course, they’d love to do more coloring books in the future.

elementary school when making art was easy and you didn’t have to think about it and it was safe.” Just like when you were a kid. Only now, you can mix those creative juices with alcohol. “Fifteen dollars is one less CD, one less appetizer, one less maragarita and you can have a coloring book made by local artists,” Craig said. “And then you can have a margarita and color.” The Metro Spirit will follow the progress of the coloring book and let readers know when it will be unveiled. Until then, many of the artists involved in the project can be contacted via Facebook. metrospirit.com

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One afternoon about a year ago, I walked outside to find our shed door wide open, emptied of its contents. Okay, the Christmas tree stand remained. They must’ve run out of room in the getaway car — it’s a nice Christmas tree stand! They busted the lock. We always kept it locked because we knew of neighbors who’d had their outbuildings and cars broken into. Heck, we had the same problem in the past. I’ve had several purses and cell phones taken. I’m sure that leaving the car door unlocked facilitated their removal, but that’s beside the point. On this day, though, we couldn’t figure out when the robbery occurred. We’d been home all night and evening the night before, with both dogs alive and present. Our housekeeper had been at our house during the day when we weren’t. I got pretty nervous when I realized that the offenders must’ve been there while someone was home. Sure, cars are vandalized and looted when owners are home all the time. Shoot, between the Family Y and Newman Tennis Center, it’s a miracle that anyone’s windows are intact. But our shed is at the back of our driveway. In the backyard. Through the gate. They took such a large amount of stuff, including two Trek mountain bikes and a Honda lawnmower, a vehicle would’ve been necessary to get it all out of there. So, were they sneaking up and down the driveway, back and forth, back and forth, until everything was loaded? (I’m picturing Oompa Loompas, though I’m probably off base.) Did they actually pull up in the driveway? Either way, I didn’t like it. Many of the neighborhoods that exist in Augusta are really just areas. They have multiple entrances and exits. This practically guarantees random passersby either on foot or in a car. For the most part, this is okay. I don’t live my life in fear by any means, but it’s something we think about. To a girl who grew up in a suburban Atlanta neighborhood, with one way

in and out, this is something that takes a little getting used to. The biggest crimes we dealt with included toilet paper, plastic forks and pink flamingos. My brother once got in trouble for throwing all of the pool furniture into the neighborhood pool. I’ll bet everyone double checked the dead bolts that night. Recently some friends moving from Columbus were house hunting. They kept saying, “Is this a good area?” We just finally said to them, “These are all good areas. But nobody is excluded from the random acts of thievery. Everyone knows someone who has been robbed.” Actually, maybe we don’t. Did you know that robbery is actually the taking of something with the use of threats, force or intimidation? We weren’t robbed. We were burgled. The nice lady at the Richmond County Sheriff’s Office told us so. The Man called to report it and she argued with him about what had transpired. He said, “We need to report a robbery. Our locked shed was emptied of its contents. Can an officer come by to file a report?” Her response? “Well, that isn’t a robbery, it’s a burglary. You were burgled.” Lady, I don’t know about you, but when someone comes onto my property where I live with my children and makes off with my stuff, it doesn’t matter what it’s called. Call it a rodeo if that’s what you have to put in your report. I’m going to go with “sucks.” Back to my point. Although there have been rashes of burglaries and car break-ins, such things are inevitable. We do have an alarm, we lock our cars and doors and otherwise live our life as usual. It still sucks, though. At least they left us with the Christmas tree stand. Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 33

gourmet R

This week, we start the relay with Rhett McBride. By day, he’s a caddie at Augusta National. This week, Rhett shares one of his specialties, marinated grilled chicken. By the way, lemon zest isn’t something you bathe with. It’s the grated peel of a lemon. The relay begins when Rhett passes off the apron to someone of his choosing for the following week. Giddy up! In a bowl combine: ½ cup of extra virgin olive oil Juice of four lemons Zest of two lemons (see? ZEST) ¼ cup of honey 2 foot long sprigsCCP of Rosemary 1 Hour 1 cup of white wine

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Clean and place six bone-in chicken breasts in a large zip lock bag. Pour marinade into the bag with chicken and let sit overnight in the refrigerator. Cook times vary depending on your grill. If you are cooking with gas, cook on medium heat for about 30-40 minutes. Start with the skin side down and turn a little under halfway home and sort of move the pieces over to the side a little. If you are going old school and using charcoal, get the coals down to a glow and let it roll for about 35-45 minutes. Try and baste the chicken every 10 minutes or so with the marinade. Serve with beer. Feeds two.

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OBSERVE

CRISP

REPORT Ill-informed speculation from a perpetually curious sort.

Todd Schafer

Geddy Lee, porn and other kitchen tales

I have had the good fortune to work with some amazingly talented chefs. To say they all have been eccentric is an understatement. For high-profile chefs, it is just as much a part of the job description as taste and creativity. It may have something to do with the ridiculous heat, long hours on your feet and the lifetime of second-shift work, but I also think it’s a certain type of person who is drawn to cooking as a career. That person is usually intensely creative, passionate and, dare I say it, a little egomaniacal. I wanted to chronicle some of my fondest memories of a few insane geniuses that I worked for. As a young chef just out of culinary school, I had the good fortune to work with Tom Coohill at Ciboulette in Atlanta. He was very talented, having cooked at some of the best restaurants in France and the U.S. What I remember about him most were his passions outside of cooking. His top four were, in no particular order, his fish tank, a massive saltwater job he spent a fortune on; his dog Chewbacca, a giant Bouvier des Flandres he was training to be an attack dog that he would unleash on the unfortunate intern that made salads; porn, of which he had an almost Rain Man knowledge of; and his love of the band Rush, which was the hardest on the cooks in the kitchen, because we had to listen to their whole catalog at max volume while we prepped for dinner service every day. After Ciboulette, I moved to Washington, D.C., and worked for Yanick Cam at his restaurant, Provence. Still to this day, I believe he is the most talented chef I have ever worked for. He also was one of the most horrible people I had ever met. He never bothered to learn anyone’s name, just referring to them as “my little chicken.” His ego was one of epic proportions, second only to his pride in everything French. In a review in Bon Appetit, they called him arrogant but flawless. Once, after a two-week trip to Italy, he was back in the kitchen, holding court for

36 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

An interesting looking new bar is about to open on 8th Street downtown. Based on our extensive research and fact checking, it looks like a bar with a large humidor in the middle. Digging through all the notes gathered, apparently there is a liquor license, business license and tobacco license hanging on the wall. All dated 2011. Add it all up and looks like it’s party on for cigar lovers downtown in the near future!

his wait staff and recounting his journey. Someone asked him, “Chef, how was Italy?” In his thick French accent, he said, “Oh such a beautiful country, but zose Italians, zey don’t know how to cook pasta.” It was like, hey, I love China, but they suck at making fireworks. During dinner service, he would orchestrate five different stations like the worst coach you have ever seen, skewering cooks for their ineptitude and general lack of skill. Talking in his kitchen was outlawed during service, so it was easy to catch all the little gems of verbal abuse he would hurl at all of us as we worked. He also liked to throw pots and drink heavily most nights, so you had to always be on the look out for copper saucepots flying past your head.

One of Augusta’s most talked about restaurants of the past decade has reopened with new owners. Who knew? D. Timm’s (302 6th Street, one block behind Luigi’s) is now The Blue Horse Bistro. The restaurant apparently opened the end of last year (so much for advertising). Open for dinner five, maybe six nights a week. The menu is tapas-based and live music is still an integral part of what they offer. For those of you who enjoyed D. Timm’s, we can vouch for the look of the place. It is immaculate — one of the most beautiful restaurants you will find. Haven’t had a chance to eat there yet, but we are willing to give the benefit of a doubt. Dan Perry’s chef karma is still floating around that kitchen. I would never dare to put myself in the same category as either Coohill or Cam, but from these great chefs I have learned what to do, as well as what not to do, as a chef and restaurant owner. I’m sure my own staff could tell some stories that would make me cringe, but I can tell you that I at least knew their names and that almost none of those stories had anything to do with porn. Todd Schafer is the former executive chef and continues to be part owner of Bistro 491 in Surrey Center. He and his family currently live in North Carolina but plan to return to the CSRA in the near future. metrospirit.com

free will Rob Brezsny

a s t r o l o g y freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Many artists want “to aim for the biggest, most obvious target, and hit it smack in the bull’s eye,” says Brian Eno, a Taurus genius renowned for his innovative music. He’d rather “shoot his arrow” wherever his creative spirit feels called to, then paint the target around the place where it lands. That’s why his compositions don’t resemble anyone else’s or fit into any traditional genre. Can you try a similar strategy? Create a niche for yourself that’s tailored to your specific talents and needs. GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

When World War I ended in 1918, the victorious nations demanded crushing financial reparations from the loser, Germany. The $94 million debt was finally paid last October. I hope this story serves as inspiration. If entities as notoriously inflexible as governments can resolve their moldering karma, so can you. Finally clean up any messes left over from your old personal conflicts. CANCER (June 21-July 22)

I know how secretive Cancerians can be because I’m one of your tribe. Often it serves the purpose of sheltering your vulnerable areas. No one is better than you at guarding your goodies, ensuring your safety and taking care of your wellbeing. Make sure that in the coming weeks they don’t interfere with you getting the blessings you deserve. Allow yourself to be loved to the hilt. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

With a fortune of $27 billion, Larry Ellison is the sixth richest person in the world. One of his colleagues says, “The difference between God and Larry is that God does not believe he is Larry.” Ellison is an immature Leo whose ego is a greedy, monstrous thing. Evolved Leos, on the other hand, are very different. Are you one? If so, you do a lot of hard work on your ego. You make sure that in addition to it being strong, it’s beautiful and elegant. It’s not just forceful; it’s warm and generous. For evolved Leos, this is Celebrate Your Ego Week. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Seventy-five percent of all adults confess they would like to have sex in the woods, and yet only 16 percent say they have actually enjoyed that thrill. If you’re one of the 59 percent who would like to but haven’t,

40 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

the coming weeks will be an excellent time to make it happen. Your capacity for pleasure in wild places will be at a peak, as will your courage for exotic adventures. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You will be asked to deal more forthrightly with enigmas you’ve been avoiding, and you will be invited to try, try again to unravel riddles you’ve been unable to solve. Does all that sound a bit daunting? It could be. But the scintillating play of opposites may caress you with such intensity that you’ll experience what we could refer to as a metaphysical orgasm. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Get excited about many different people, places, animals and experiences. Shower them with your smartest, most interesting blessings. Do you think you can handle that big an outpouring of well-crafted passion? Are you up for the possibility that you might blow your cover, lose your dignity and show how much you care? Go further than ever before in plumbing the depths of your adoration for the privilege of being alive.

those feelings soon. You need to intensify your sense of belonging. You’ve got to grow deeper roots, build a stronger foundation or surround yourself with more nurturing — or all of the above. As you bask and thrive, you also deserve to feel better appreciated for the wonderful qualities you’re working so hard to develop in yourself. Ask and you shall receive. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You can no longer afford to hope people will read your mind or guess what you mean. Your communications must be impeccable and irresistible. A similar principle holds true for the connections you’ve been working to ripen. It’s time to raise your intensity level. Starting today, you’d be crazy to tolerate shaky commitments, either from yourself or others. Be sharp, focused and unswerving — keen, candid and to the point

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

To convey my vision of how best to proceed in the coming week, I’ll offer the following metaphorical scenario: Imagine that you are not a professional chef, but you do have a modicum of cooking skills. Your task is to create a hearty, tasty soup from scratch without the benefit of a recipe. You will need a variety of ingredients, but on the other hand you don’t want to just throw in a welter of mismatched ingredients without regard for how they will all work together. To some degree you will have to use a trial-anderror approach, sampling the concoction as it brews. You will also want to keep an open mind about the possibility of adding new ingredients in the latter stages of the process. One more thing: The final product must not just appeal to you. You should keep in mind what others would like, too.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Here’s poet James Schuyler: “It’s time again. Tear up the violets and plant something more difficult to grow.” That’s almost the right advice for you. Don’t actually rip out the violets to make room for the harderto-grow blooms, but find a new planting area that will allow you to keep what you already have in the original planting area. You really should give yourself a challenging new assignment. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“Dear Dr. Brezsny: For five years my wife and I have been married but still have made no children. We have consulted uncountable physicians with no satisfying result. Please predict a happy outcome for our troubles. When will the stars align with her womb and my manhood? She: born December 31, 1983, in Chakdaha, India. Me: born January 7, 1984 in Mathabhanga, India. — Desperate for Babies.” Dear Desperate: You Capricorns have entered a highly fertile period which will culminate between May 16 and May 23. You couldn’t ask for a better time to germinate, burgeon and multiply. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“Welcome home, beautiful!” I hope you hear those words or at least experience

DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE metrospirit.com

Lastweekweoffered$25forthe

return of Metro Spirit boxes that

have been looted.We received a numberofcallsandsome“word

on the street”stuff on who was

responsible for Box.What’s in the pastisinthepast.Wejustwantour boxes back.

Ifyouknowofthewhereaboutsof

anyofourMetroSpiritboxes(ones we don’t know about — duh) let

usknow.Ifit’soursandwebringit in, you get $25 cash money — no questions asked.

Speaking of Box, he is making

a great recovery.Unfortunately sales were not his thing, so he has

beenmovedtoouraudio/visual

department to continue rehab. 706.496.2535

3124 B Washington Road joe@themetrospirit.com

38 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

metrospirit.com

No. 0417 END OF THE LINE By Matt Ginsberg / Edited by Will Shortz

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END OF THE LINE

77 More moist 79 “You know what I hate? Indian givers. ___”: Emo Philips 86 Affix carelessly, with “on” 87 Crush, sportswise 88 Whisked mixture 89 Send continuously, as video 92 Physicist Georg 93 Cut off 97 Dinner table command, with “up” 99 Above 101 “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold or cruel, but I am ___”: Bill Hicks

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ughgusta

FAILS

FOR SUPPORTING OUR ADVERTISERS

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thank you

metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 39

Upcoming Saving Abel, Black Stone Cherry, Within Reason Coyote’s May 6 Electric Voodoo The Playground May 6 Fireworks, The Wonder Years, Such Gold, Make Do & Mend, Living with Lions Sector 7G May 6 Mazes & Monsters Sky City May 7 The Good End The Playground May 7 Those Darlins, Shaun Piazza Band Sky City May 10 Dierks Bentley, Josh Thompson, Miss Willie Brown Bell Auditorium May 11 Hot Seats Stillwater Tap Room May 13 Rave Night with The Fence Sitters Sector 7G May 13 Records Records, Eskimojitos, The Favors, Cocoa Dylan Sky City May 13 John Berret and the Laroxes The Playground May 13 My Instant Lunch Sky City May 14 Shai Hulud, Foundation, Endwell, Lions Lions Sector 7G May 17 Faster Pussycat, Dizzy Reed, Venrez, G City Rockers Sky City May 19 Signs of Hope, Hate Your Guts, Ironwill, Be Easy, Decollator Sector7G May 19 Big Daddy Love Stillwater Tap Room May 20 Zach Deputy, Funk You Sky City May 20 Scale the Summit, This or the Apocalypse Sector 7G May 23 Go Radio, Sparks the Rescue, This Century, Select Start Sector 7G May 24 New Familiars Stillwater Tap Room May 27 Minus the Bear, Skysaw, The Constellations Sky City May 30 Norma Jean, For the Fallen Dreams, After the Burial, Stray from the Path, Motionless in White Sector 7G June 1 Welfare Liners Stillwater Tap Room June 10 Josh Roberts and the Hinges Stillwater Tap Room June 17 Papa String Band Stillwater Tap Room July 8 Blair Crimmons and the Hookers Stillwater Tap Room July 15 Dave Desmelik Band Stillwater Tap Room July 22 Keith Urban James Brown Arena August 13 Elsewhere Fleet Foxes The Tabernacle, Atlanta May 14

metrospirit.com

CLUB LISTINGS

Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparxx Trivia Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett HD Lounge Open Mic Joe’s Underground Sibling String Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern Karaoke with Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta The Comedy Zone Wheeler Tavern Trivia The Willcox Hal Shreck

1102 Bar & Grill 1102augusta.com 209 on the River Aiken Brewing Company aikenbrewingcompany.com Allie Katz Bar on Broad Blue Horse Bistro bluehorsejazzclub.com Cadillac’s Club Argos myspace.com/clubargos Club Sparxx Club Rehab Cork & Bull Pub Cotton Patch eatdrinkbehappy.com Country Club augustacountry.com Coyote’s coyotesaugusta.com Crums on Central crumsoncentral.com Doubletree Hotel doubletree.hilton.com Fox’s Lair thefoxslair.com French Market Grille West frenchmarketwest.com Helga’s Pub & Grille The Highlander abritishpub.com Iron Horse Bar & Grill Joe’s Underground Laura’s Backyard Tavern

Limelite Cafe The Loft Malibu Jack’s malibujacks.com Metro Cof feehouse One Hundred Laurens hotelaiken.com/100laurens.html Pizza Joint thepizzajoint.net The Place on Broad theplaceonbroad.com The Playground myspace.com/theplaygroundbar Roadrunner Cafe roadrunnercafe.com Robbie’s Sports Bar Rose Hill Stables rosehillestate.com Sector 7G sector7gaugusta.com Shannon’s shannonsfoodandspirits.com Sidetrack Bar & Grill Sky City skycityaugusta.com Somewhere In Augusta somewhereinaugusta.com Soul Bar soulbar.com Soultry Sounds Stillwater Tap Room myspace.com/ stillwatertaproom Surrey Tavern Tipsey McStumbles Tribeca myspace.com/tribecashoebar Tropicabana Vue Wild Wing wildwingcafe.com The Willcox therestaurantatw.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 43

earDRUM

Is Death and Destruction All We Can Expect From My Instant Lunch?

It never fails. I become enamored with a new local band and spend six months gushing over them like a squee little fan girl, said band becomes subject to the machinations of life, love and reality outside the band room and, Boom!, my new favorite band is history. I thought that was the case with one of my favorite Augusta bands of all time, My Instant Lunch (they have the chops to back up the silly name and make you wish you’d never brought up that it’s silly... trust me). In the fall of last year, drummer Adam Kronowski left Augusta to study at the Berklee School of Music in Boston and, some time later, bassist/

lead vocalist Danny Rankin moved off to Boulder, Colo. I thought surely that was it. I was afraid that all we were left with was some vivid memories of whipsmart performances and a little ole EP called “Tales Of Woah.” I want more, dammit! How presumptuous of me. While the band is not functioning in the conventional sense (which around here translates to pounding downtown with shows at every opportunity), they have put together a brilliant full-length album called “Death, Destruction and Other Stories for Children.” It is available for a mere $6 at myinstantlunch.com.

The album opens with the digitally simulated pop and hiss of vinyl and goes straight to the four-part harmonies for a prelude (barber shop style, you know; MIL is one of the few bands in town that could ever dream of pulling those off). From there it leaps into the bombast and frenzy that folks have become accustomed to hearing from this band live since they formed in 2008. I hear shades of vaudeville, ragtime, prog-rock and theater in an effort that very nearly pulls off a bit of a concept album. In the case of the tune “War!” I think they covered all those bases plus some Steely Dan and Muse-like stylings for good measure.

So I say all of those words to just get to this. My Instant Lunch is an incredible band and their new record represents them well. I hope this isn’t all we get.... For those who wish to witness My Instant Lunch live, you’re gonna need to go Atlanta and take in a ball game. They’re at Turner Field for The Braves vs. The Phillies on Friday, May 13. Go Braves! See y’all at the rock show, Brian Allen

My Instant Lunch

44 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

metrospirit.com

Carolina Rebellion Full of Great Bands Chuck Williams

This year marks 150 years since the start of the Civil War and, once again, rebellion is in the air. For a change, we’re not talking about the Tea Party. Instead, on Saturday May 7, in Charlotte it’s the inaugural Carolina Rebellion, the largest rock festival the south has seen in years. The Metrolina Expo just north of downtown turns into one giant mosh pit with the likes of Avenged Sevenfold, Godsmack, Three Days Grace, Stone Sour and Seether. Pretty much a who’s who of today’s mainstream rock. Carolina Rebellion is an offshoot of the wildly successful Rock on the Range festival held annually in Columbus, Ohio. About half of this year’s Rock on the Range bill is scheduled for the Charlotte show. Tickets went on sale in March and the show’s been sold out for well over a month, but tickets are still available in the secondary market. We haven’t seen much of festival-type shows in the south in recent years. Atlanta’s late, lamented Music Midtown has been gone since 2005. The annual Bonnaroo festival fills that void and has turned into a monster. But those events have been more diverse in their musical offerings. Carolina Rebellion is a flat out rocker’s dream. Most of the major bands have been rock radio staples for years and have played in Augusta too: Avenged Sevenfold and Three Days Grace have headlined shows at the James Brown Arena. Hinder christened the USC-

Aiken’s Convocation Center. Skillet made the difficult jump from christian rock to the mainstream and has headlined their own tour as well. Seether, Theory of a Deadman, Saving Abel, Halestorm, Black Stone Cherry and Pop Evil have all done club shows here. In fact, Black Stone Cherry and Saving Abel are co-headlining at Coyote’s the night before Carolina Rebellion on Friday, May 6. I had never heard of the venue: The Metrolina Expo. Apparently a lot of other events take place there: trade shows, car/motorcycle shows, etc. If you’re going, I’ve heard parking is “first come, first served” so be aware of that. It would be nice if this was being held a little closer to Augusta, but Charlotte isn’t a bad drive. We’ve all made that trip and the one back and forth to Atlanta many times, right? And since the event did sell out, hopefully we can look forward to an annual Carolina Rebellion. There was quite a buzz about this event, especially on Facebook, so I expect Augusta to be well represented. Rock on, people. The secondary ticket market is flush with Rebellion tickets, so it’s not over for you latecomers yet. You’re so Augusta... if you wait till the last minute to buy your tickets to the show.

Godsmack

Chuck Williams has been the programming director at 95Rock since... well, no one can quite remember when he started there, so it’s been quite a while.

Seether

metrospirit.com

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 45

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Steve Garrison 706-951-4139 Rent / Lease 1BR mobile home, renewed, new hardwood floors, 3378 Milledgeville Rd $400.00/mo.

Steve Garrison 706-951-4139 46 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

Unclassifieds (actual size) 1.5â&#x20AC;? x 1.9â&#x20AC;? Tall $40 per week All Public Record ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad, or call 706.496.2535.

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Stone Sour

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dark AFTER

Brittney James

Hey Ladies: We Get It! First off, what is going on with all the straight girls making out on the dance floor? With each other? We get it already. You’re up for anything. You’re probably going to catch anything. It gets weird the later you stay out in Augusta, for sure. The hookups and the breakups and the Drink and Drown. What a ho-down! Pay $15 and drink all the draft beer and tequila you can until the room starts spinning. (Don’t be a dumbass. Always have a DD.) But really — if you slide up on my man just because I am talking to my girlfriend and you think he is going home with you? Please. If you don’t see at least two to three scuffles break out on the dance floor before the evening is done then obviously there weren’t enough “lap dance” Jell-O shots being served.

I just got paid.

So did I. Wait a minute — did you say paid?

The VIP room consists of a slightly higher section toward the back wall of the place that allows you to overlook all the action. It’s better than any reality TV! Two rather heavyset girls stand in line at the women’s bathroom talking about how they were “for sure” getting laid tonight. Beware boys. Beer goggles are real. The sun always comes up tomorrow and you will be “bumping” into them for the next few years. The DJs in Augusta always play really good dance music that somehow allows for everyone to enjoy themselves. Some bars you go to because you’re given a free pass to act like a complete lunatic. And get away with it. Makes for an entertaining evening one to two times a year. Any more than that and, well, we’re sorry for you.

Reserve Your Spot Today.

Our next Garage Party™ will be May 14, 2011 6:00pm-8:00pm. Call Donna 706-651-0444.

AUGUSTA HARLEY-DAVIDSON® 4200 Belair Frontage Road, Augusta, GA. 30909 www.augustahd.com metrospirit.com

706-651-0444

METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 47

the download Matt Stone

Never Not Funny Lives Up to Its Name One of the founding fathers of podcasting, veteran stand-up comedian Jimmy Pardo, delivers the highly rated podcast Never Not Funny. Twice a week, Jimmy, with producer/co-host Matt Belknap, put together one of the funniest podcasts out. You may recognize Jimmy’s name if you are a fan of late night television. Every night Jimmy warms up the crowd for Conan O’Brien and is featured in some of his comedy bits. Just last week he was Andy’s Richter’s sidekick. Check out the video section of teamcoco.com, then click on clips and find “Andy’s Sidekick Returns” from April 13, for the video, which is hilarious. Never Not Funny was actually started before anyone really knew what podcasting was, and Jimmy changed the game when he took it a step further by charging listeners. I talked with Jimmy this week about podcasting, its future and whether or not it is the death of terrestrial radio. Metro Spirit: You’ve put together eight seasons of Never Not Funny. How do you credit the success? Jimmy Pardo: We were one of the first. I certainly was the first professional comic from the west coast doing a podcast. There were a lot of people just talking into a microphone in their basement then putting it out and calling it a show, you know; I took it to a professional level. There weren’t a lot of other podcasts and then we built this audience. It was before the podcast boom that I thought, hey, let’s try to make money from this or let’s just quit. Because I kind of felt like I was doing cable access. So, luckily, we built up this following and a lot of them came along. We started charging three years ago and it’s been successful beyond anything I ever could of imagined. MS: You’ve mentioned before that with you charging subscriptions to your podcast, you make as much, if not more, that what you make for working on Conan. JP: It’s very similar, I’m just not sure. But we do well. But I’m very lucky that I decided to start charging when I did. I think if I would of even waited a month, it wouldn’t of worked out as well as it had because then the podcast boom happened. And now, there’s so many great podcasts out there that, theoretically, nobody should have to pay.

48 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

but I’m a guy who loves radio and I think the advertisers still see that that’s the way to go, and it’ll be a while before they catch on to podcasting. You can catch a live taping of Never Not Funny Thursday, April 28, at the Punchline in Atlanta, with special guest Ellis Paul, one of premier folk artists who Jimmy’s been a huge fan of. Jimmy will also be performing his stand-up act the following two nights at the Punchline. For ticket information, hit up punchline.com. For a free taste of Never Not Funny, download Jimmy’s interview with Conan O’Brien. It definitely does not disappoint. Listen to Matt Stone weekdays from 3-7 p.m. on 95 ROCK. But I have this core audience that does continue to grow, so I’m lucky. MS: Is there a podcast that’s one of your favorites that you’d like to go on? I think you’re hilarious on Doug Loves Movies. JP: Oh you’re nice, because I get the most hate mail I’ve ever received every time I do his show. You know, I enjoy going on Doug’s, I like going on Comedy Death Ray, I just did Jimmy Dore’s podcast, I enjoyed doing that. You know what, I pretty much enjoy going on anybody’s. There’s something about having fun and being in the moment. MS: A lot of podcasters, like Chris Hardwick from the Nerdist podcast, they give credit to their podcast for filling venues around the country. Do you give the same credit to Never Not Funny? JP: Yes, it’s been great. Even if there’s only a small amount of people there that are podcast fans, it’s enough that lets me know there’s some loyal listeners out there and I can go off on a tangent, I can experiment a lot more than I could with a room full of strangers. MS: Last, the future of podcasting. Do you think it’s going to eventually just turn into terrestrial radio? JP: You know, I don’t know the answer to that. Advertisers are afraid of it because it’s this new media, and I think you have to go to them with Adam Carolla type numbers in order to make them think that this is a viable way for me to make money. I think, obviously, as podcasting catches on more than it has in the last year, and it’s really gone through the roof, even though I’m a guy that very much entrenched in podcasting and I’m

one of the first, your words not mine, I’m still an old-school showbiz guy and I would hate to see radio die. MS: You and me both. JP: I may be biting the hand that feeds,

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Ball

Matt Lane

It’s NFL Draft Night NFL Draft Schedule

and strength to get off blocks in the NFL. Houston did his damage by predicting snap counts and being blazingly fast off the line of scrimmage. He’ll be a late first round, early second round pick for a team in need of some speed off the edge.

Radio City Music Hall, New York Thursday, April 28: Round 1 (8 p.m. ET) Friday, April 29: Rounds 2-3 (6 p.m. ET) Saturday, April 30: Rounds 4-7 (Noon ET)

2011 Falcons Schedule Released

Local Standouts to Root for During the Draft

Da’Quan Bowers, Clemson, defensive end. While Bowers will undoubtedly go in the first round, his stock has slipped as some teams see him as a medical risk. Although Bowers has already had surgery to fix his bum right knee, some experts are forecasting arthritis in the future of the Bamberg, S.C. product. Luckily, it’s a bigger risk to not take him. His size and athleticism are what make him a must grab in Round 1 even if he only had one big year for the Tigers. A.J. Green, UGA, wide receiver. Will be the first of the three taken off the board and rightfully so. Green’s production over the course of his 3 years at Georgia has been astounding considering: he only played with other elite offensive players (Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno) one year as a freshman, had a different QB in each of his 3 seasons, missed the first four games of his junior season and dominated offensively the past two years without a reliable-or remotely decent for that matter-feature runner in the backfield. Green will be taken in the top ten and can contribute right away. JustinHouston,UGA,defensiveend/outsidelinebacker.Talentedpass rusher whose game is very raw and in need of NFL polish. Faces similar pre-draft questions as Von Miller of Texas A.M. in do Houston and Miller have enough size

Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week Week

1: At Chicago, 1 p.m. 2: Home vs. Philadelphia Eagles, 8:20 p.m. 3: At Tampa Bay, 4:15 p.m. 4: At Seattle, 4 p.m. 5: Home vs. Green Bay, 8:20 p.m. 6: Home vs. Carolina 1 p.m. 7: At Detroit, 1 p.m. 8: Bye week 9: At Indianapolis, 1 p.m. 10: Home vs. New Orleans, 1 p.m. 11: Home vs. Tennessee, 1 p.m. 12: Home vs. Minnesota, 1 p.m. 13: At Houston, 1 p.m. 14: At Carolina, 1 p.m. 15: Home vs. Jacksonville, Thursday - 8:20 p.m. 16: At New Orleans, Monday - 8:30 p.m. 17: Home vs. Tampa Bay, 1 p.m.

S ER

T T I H K

C I U Q

Soulja Boy is playing Tupac in the Juice remake. Flat out sacrilege, I say.

Raise your hand if you are planning your Friday around the coverage of the Royal Wedding. Thanks. Here’s to your hopeful future unemployment.

thrifting Spice Rack Thrifting is an occasional feature on the art of thrift-store surfing and the deals said art produces. If you own a thrift-store find, send us a picture, along with its story, to spirit@themetrospirit.com.

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com.

Ready to see my old teammate Jasper Brinkley, former Thomson and USC standout, and the Vikings against the Dirty Birds in Week 12. Kudos, Abe Cartledge. Thomson’s southpaw starter fanned 12 in a win over Cross Creek. That’s a honest day’s work right there, Mr. Cartledge.

of the bottles had a broken lid), five coats of polyurethane and some fabric stapled to the back (so you can’t see through the cracks in the wood) later, it’s now a one-of-a-kind spice rack.

vWhere Aquired

The Spice Rack’s Story

Total Cost

Catholic Social Services Thrift Store

Dirty and covered in black paint, not to mention spider webs, $3 may have seemed to much for this item, which appeared to be about 40 years old. But a week of on and off sanding, a little reclaimed wood nailed to the back (for support) and the bottom row (since one

$6 ($3 for rack and about $3 for polyurethane and a sheet of sandpaper).

What It Started Life As

No idea

metrospirit.com

Catholic Social Services Thrift Store is located at 2108 Broad Street. They are open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 3:45 p.m. and Saturday from 10 a.m. to 3:45 p.m. METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 49

50 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

metrospirit.com

advice goddess Amy Alkon

Will You Still Shove Me Tomorrow? I’m in a relationship that feels like it could last, but I’m afraid of ending up like my parents: constantly bickering over minutiae, snarling at each other from other rooms and slamming doors. The thing is, my boyfriend and I are already starting to fight over the stupidest stuff! — Worried You’re thinking, “What was it, a year ago, he was promising me the moon, and now he can’t even bring home the right freaking pepper?!” Being annoying is the human condition. But, the partner who will be most annoying is one you only find halfway hot — somebody you have the hots for physically but whose character flaws and incompatibilities you ignore. You basically need to have a crush on a partner as a human being (have deep respect and even

admiration for who he is and how he goes about life). He’ll do things that would annoy a Buddhist monk who could relax in a tank of fire ants. If you have the hots for him all around, it’s less likely that the things you dream of doing to him in bed will involve strangling or blunt force trauma. You should also make sure your partner isn’t your second greatest love, after your love of being right. Approaching problems as “ours” rather than “mine vs. yours” takes what researcher John Gottman calls “deep friendship,” where overwhelming positive feelings about each other and the relationship really suck the life out of any negative ones. The more relationship research I read, the more essential an overall positive sentiment seems. For example, researcher Shelly Gable found that the happiest relationships involve

partners who make sacrifices for each other - because they love and want to support their partner, and not as some sort of investment to avoid conflict or keep from losing them. So, in a good relationship, a guy goes to his girlfriend’s poetry reading because it means a lot to her to have him there, and not because it means a lot to him to keep her from running off with some spoken-word slacker who doesn’t wash between his toes. Each time you snap at each other, you hack a little chunk out of your relationship. Before long, snapping becomes the culture of your relationship, and you become your snarly parents. It helps to make a pact that you won’t act like you’ve forgotten you love each other. Of course, there will probably be times you slip and get nasty. What’s important is not letting yourselves stay nasty.

Not for a minute. Not even for 30 seconds. If you do have “deep friendship,” there’s a good chance you’ll vault yourselves out of the feel-bad situation with what Gottman calls “the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples” — “the repair attempt.” This is something you say or do, maybe even something silly like making a face you know will crack your partner up, that defuses the tension and keeps the argument from getting out of hand. This is essential, since Gottman has found that a couple’s success in preventing negativity from escalating when they argue is one of the primary factors in whether a marriage lasts — and not in the sense that your parents’ has: “Please help us celebrate our 30 years — of nonstop screaming, door slamming and vicious putdowns. Dinner and character assassination, followed by dancing.”

pontificating about “mature love” is a guy who thinks he can lecture somebody into providing it. Even better, your student is a woman who treats your relationship like the revenge phase of her last one. (Her narcissistic psycho ex is gone, but you’ll do.) If you want a project, buy macaroni and glue. If you’re really after

“mature love,” you need a woman who’s capable of sharing it with you. This starts with recognizing that “mature love” doesn’t only involve “putting out what you wish to receive” but putting out what you don’t — and then running inside and bolting the door so it can’t get back in.

Regression Toward the Meanie My girlfriend of three months seems to relish treating me like her narcissistic psycho ex-boyfriend treated her — constantly pulling away and basically putting her on an emotional rollercoaster. She brings up her ex in almost every conversation, although I’ve asked her not to. I keep telling her mature love is about putting out what you wish to receive, and she

agrees. Should I stay with her while she struggles to overcome her past? — Mistreated “Mature love”? At best, that sounds like a porn mag put out by the AARP or some old man’s pickup line: “Something tells me you aren’t wearing any Depends.” The last person who should be

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

Ben Wright Pisces

“My new mandolin.”

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“The place for my 40th birthday party this Friday!” METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11 51

129

Local experts break down the fights

Randy Couture vs. Lyoto Machida Light Heav yweight Zach. Machida is very explosive on the outside. Great strikes. Coming off two losses, I know he’ll be in shape and I know he’ll be giving his best. However, Randy Couture — I like him, because I look like him. He’s just veteran. He’s like a Samurai. He does whatever it takes to win the fight. He’s faced strikers before, and he knows how to get inside and can take Machida out of his game. So, my thoughts are — Machida’s going to land some big strikes, but I think Randy Couture will win, either by decision or by a final ground and pound. Mark. I think this is probably one of the more interesting fights on the card.

Zack Day

52 METRO SPIRIT 4.28.11

Randy Couture is about 47 years old — wow. Zach. That’s not that old. That’s my age. Mark. That age will definitely play a part, so what we have to see is if Randy has crossed over that hill yet. He’s proved us wrong time and time again. However, this may be the time that he hits the down slope. I think Randy’s keys to winning are neutralizing Machida’s movement and his ability to strike. So he’s going to have to press Machida against the cage and keep him there or get him to the ground. I think Machida’s key to winning this fight is to stay elusive, stay moving and get Randy with some good, hand-heavy shots that could possibly knock him out as Randy tries to press him against the

Chris Elms

cage or get him to the ground. Randy has had problems with Chuck Liddell, who has great striking and great take-down defense. Lyoto has both of those. I also think Lyoto’s a faster striker than Chuck Liddell and possibly more dangerous in the respect that he’s going to force Randy to actually have to chase him. Jose Aldo vs. Mark Hominick Featherweight Championship Mark. If I had to pick a fighter to win I’d say Jose Aldo, and I would base my decision solely on his movement and his explosive striking. But he has a very underrated ground defense because no one’s really seen him on the ground. He likes to bang and he likes to knock people

Stevie Dement

out, but he’s in a four-time Brazilian jiu jitsu champion and a world jiu jitsu champion as well. I think the key for Hominick to win the fight would be to avoid any takedowns. Hominick seems to be better in crisp combinations, whereas Jose Aldo seems to be better from jumping in from long range. If Hominick can wear Aldo down, he may have a chance to squeezing out a decision, but I don’t see him knocking Aldo out. Zach. Jose Aldo has got the edge with me simply because he’s got more weapons. He’s got knees, he’s got leg kicks. Hominick, however, is the greatest striker that I’ve seen in any of the UFC, but especially in the lightweight division. His hands are right on the money, right on the tip of the punch. He steps in just enough to land a devastating blow and

Mark Greubel

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he’s not really trying that hard. It’s all technique and movement. His foot movement, I think, is better than Aldo’s, but Aldo has more weapons and comes at you with more offense. It’s going to be one of the highlights of the night. Georges St. Pierre vs. Jake Shields Welterweight Championship Mark. This is a really interesting fight as well. Georges St. Pierre is an awesome, awesome athlete. Always has superior conditioning. For someone who has never wrestled, his wrestling ability is completely top notch. He also has a black belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu now, so he’s been trying to prepare for Shields and bump up his jiu jitsu game. I think the key for St. Pierre to win this fight is to make Shields as tired as he possibly can. The key for Shields, I think, will be to try to get St. Pierre into a striking match to get close enough to possibly get a takedown. I think if Shields can get St. Pierre on his back… I really want to see what St. Pierre can do off of his back. No one seems to be able to keep St. Pierre on his back long enough to do anything. Shields’ key is to get St. Pierre on his back and force him to have a really grueling ground match. I think St.

Pierre’s ability to avoid takedowns and his jab are going to be useful to him. Zach. To me, I think Jake Shields looks monster-strong at 170, and that’s why he’s pretty much dominated everyone he’s faced, because he’s been the bigger, stronger guy. Georges St. Pierre is also a big 170, and his athletic ability at 170 is amazing — he can move, he’s strong. I think that’s going to match up really well. I give the slight advantage in overall strength and power to Jake Shields, but I think easily St. Pierre has an advantage on strikes. If Shields can get St. Pierre down and keep him down and dominate him like he does everyone else on the ground, that will be the key. No one’s been able to do that, so we’ll have to see what happens. The intangibles are the distance and who is able to force his game on the other guy — if Shields gets in close, he’s got a chance, if St. Pierre keeps him up and keeps striking, that’s going that’s going to beat him down and that will take all the gas out of him when they do go to the ground.

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austin R

Lack of Innovation Is Killing Us Since the global economic collapse began in 2007, I have seen the labor unions, the American automotive giants and the home mortgage industry start to “get it.” They finally understand that poor planning and outrageously bad choices, some made decades ago, brought to bear a butchers’ bill that was insurmountable given the old rules which guided their respective industries. Labor unions have had to concede that America’s labor wage scales and benefits were so out of kilter with market-based reality that reductions across the board were going to have to occur if there was to be any manufacturing base left in this country. Detroit’s Big Three had to change the way they built cars and paid workers if they were going to be around to see another model year arrive. And the home finance industry was going to have to cut back on the rampant bulk sale of mortgages to undercapitalized entities, not to mention cleaning up the

horribly askew process which saw totally unqualified consumers being given home loans under conditions that bear no relation to good business sense or, for that matter, plain common sense. In short, they have all learned that past practices in each of their respective fields had killed the golden goose that had kept them so comfortable for so long. So while there are corners of America’s business sector that have decided to evolve, adapt, and reform in an effort to survive, I’ll be damned if there is one iota of evidence that, when it comes to the major obstacles facing this country, our federal politicians and bureaucrats are doing anything important or innovative. At the moment, we seem to have a gasoline crisis in this part of the world. The escalating price of fuel will affect the cost of every consumer item you can name, and every item you can’t. This inflation is what is known as an “economy killer.”

While politicians have always griped about the price of fuel, I seriously question what has been done about it in a real sense. How many times in the last 30 years has America kept the Middle East from erupting in regional armageddon? The most recent example, of course, is keeping Libya’s crazy dictator fenced in, but we also saved Kuwait from the clutches of Saddam Hussein, and very likely Saudi Arabia from the same fate. They were scared to death of that guy. America and her allies also keep fruitcakes like the Ayatollah Khomeini and Osama bin Laden from forcing their fundamentalist wacko ways on civilized Muslims. Should I also mention that we are the only thing standing between most of that region and the pissed-off bulldog with nuclear weapons that is the state of Israel? I don’t believe they would ever prevail if such a conflict ever came to be, but Israel would take 95 percent of the modern Arab world back to dust and radioactive seed before all was said and done. Is there a premium, or at least a family discount, that should be sent America’s way in return for such efforts over the last 75 years or so? Wouldn’t you love to see an American president publicly call for such a thing? At the very least, we should be repaid for every dime we spent in Iraq, starting the moment Hussein began breaking international law.

At the very least, President Obama could issue an executive order mandating that all American gasoline be produced under one standard rather than the 100plus state and local boutique blends that choke the supply lines and keep prices much higher than need be. Such a move would help tremendously, and the current administration won’t even consider it. Sadly, the gas crisis is one small example of many problems that America keeps ineffectively fighting, the same way it always has. Our tax code is broken to the point that half the population pays no income tax at all and, yes, that particular half of the population tends to eat up social services and run public safety costs through the roof. No serious solutions on the horizon there, either. Illegal immigration? Anything new on that? Nope. If our founding fathers had any idea what massive government waste and impotency lay ahead, it is fair to say that our young republic may have very well been aborted before birth. Ah, abortion. Well, you gotta give the president that one. He has protected that industry just fine. The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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