Metro Spirit - 12.10.15 by Metro Spirit

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Table of Contents

dECEMBER 10, 2015

Ho-Ho-Hoax

16 insider

No place for Afroman in Augusta

Ruffin’ It

In Defense of “Jingle All the Way”

augusta tek

6 10 11

Grandpa Rudy

Jenny is Wright

Getting Over a Case of the Guilts

Kris Fisher

19 31

Smart Move

austin Rhodes

Time for Today’s Militia to Saddle Up

Fine Whine Recently, i have counted at least 10 cars passing by with no headlights, starting around national hills, and all up and down Washington road. What’s really going on in that area to make drivers want to draw less attention to themselves?

Continued on Page 12

Edit

CREativE

amy Christian | Arts Editor/Production Director

Joshua Bailey | Lead Designer

amy@themetrospirit.com

joshua@themetrospirit.com

Stacey Eidson | Staff Writer stacey@themetrospirit.com

Molly Swift | Staff Writer molly@themetrospirit.com

COVER DESIGN: KRUHU

SalES Gayle Bryan | Senior Account Executive gayle@themetrospirit.com | 706-373-4846

Joe White joe@themetrospirit.com | 706-373-3636

BUSinESS Joe White | Publisher/Editor joe@themetrospirit.com | 706-373-3636

Johnny Beckworth | circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? Call or email Joe at 706.373.3636 | joe@themetrospirit.com

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No Place for Afroman in Augusta RAPPER AND GUITARIST AFROMAN, who is best known for his Grammy-nominated hit “Because I Got High,” is scheduled to perform at Coyotes nightclub on Saturday, Dec. 19. The show is being promoted as the “official video shoot for Chad Mac’s new single ‘Party In The Woods’ featuring Afroman.” The promoters are promising tons of fun for audience members. “Come be in the official music video,” the Facebook page for the event states. “If you have nice big jacked up 4x4’s bring them and they can also be in the music video as well. If they have mud all over them that’s even better.” Sound like a good time? Only if you like partying with a musician who doesn’t hesitate to violently strike a 21-year-old female fan on stage, completely knocking her off her feet and causing her to slam onto the ground. Seconds after the vicious assault on the young woman, who simply made the mistake of climbing up on stage to dance with him, Afroman appeared to be completely unfazed. He casually turned back around and continued to play for his audience at a Feb. 17 show in Biloxi, Miss., this year. As he continued his performance, the audience watched as the woman slowly got to her feet, stared at Afroman in complete shock and careful tried to exit the stage. A young man in the front row then climbed up on stage, quickly gestured to Afroman that he meant him no harm and appeared to assist the young woman. You can watch video of the assault at youtube.com/ watch?v=se-lzTUNfys. The Biloxi Police Department told Mississippi’s The Clarion-

6 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Ledger the woman made a citizen’s arrest that night and ﬁled an affidavit against Afroman. “On 17 February 15, the Biloxi Police Department responded to a reported assault at the Kress Live Entertainment Venue involving Mr. Joseph Edgar Foreman who performs under the stage name Afroman,” the Biloxi Police Department arrest report read. “Mr. Foreman was arrested for Assault as a result of a Citizen’s Affidavit, booked in, and released after paying a 330 Dollar Bond.” The owner of the Biloxi nightclub was sickened by the entire incident, according to The Clarion-Ledger. “Afroman was about ﬁve songs into his set when the incident occurred. We pulled the plug on him, and security met him at the bottom of the stage to escort him outside, where he was taken into custody,” Chase Taylor, who owns the nightclub, told the newspaper. “Kress Live does not condone this type of behavior. We like to keep a safe environment, and we addressed the situation the best way we could.” Immediately after the assault, Afroman apologized for the incident, telling the entertainment program, “TMZ Live” that he was “enrolling in an anxiety foundation right now.” “I’m here to apologize,” he told TMZ. “I need some help.” Afroman attempted to explain his actions by saying that he had been heckled by a man throughout the show and was irritated that the 21-year-old woman had climbed up on stage. He also claimed that he couldn’t tell if the person behind him was a man or a woman. “I thought the girls had already left the stage and after hearing this guy for a few songs, I thought it was him,” he told TMZ. “Everyone knows I love my fans. I get to shows early just to interact with the people that love my music.” Afroman also said the security at the Mississippi show shouldn’t have allowed the woman on stage. However, he wanted to publicly apologize for the assault. “It was wrong,” he told TMZ. “What happened shouldn’t have happened.” About a week after the assault, Afroman wrote a 1,000-word post on his Facebook page stating that he planned to retire from performing on stage. “I no longer have the desire to perform for people,” Afroman posted on Feb. 23. “I will continue to record I will continue to make albums I will continue to make videos I will continue to make movies.” While he was apologetic to the woman, he continued to deny that he delivered a “devastating punch” that severely injured the woman as the media was reporting. “It was a slap/ push,” Afroman wrote in his post. “SHE WAS NEVER BLEEDING LIKE TMZ LIED AND SAID SHE WAS !!!!!! ... And she quickly recovered. This situation is still bad however I must clarify its not as bad as lying news publications would have you believe.” Not exactly a heartfelt apology. The following was Afroman’s best attempt at saying he was sorry. “Young lady I do not know your name,” he wrote. “I want to truly apologize for slapping you. I understand if you never forgive me ever.” Then, Afroman turned to the Bible, posting the passage from Matthew 7:1: “Judge not, that ye be not judged for what judgment you judge you shall be judged.” Before he ended his post, he thanked all his fans for their support. “I want to thank all the fans that forgave me,” he wrote. “Don’t hate because you might become the victim of your own hate.”

What was the response from the 21-year-old woman who was assaulted at the show? She hired a lawyer and announced plans to take Afroman to court because she suffered multiple injuries to her neck, jaw and back following the punch, according to TMZ. And what of Afroman’s “retirement” from stage? Now, all of a sudden, Afroman is back on the road, touring and doing shows all around this country. Even here in Augusta. He clearly isn’t sorry for his actions. About two months after the assault in Mississippi, Afroman returned to blasting the woman on Facebook with an errorridden post. “A real fan wouldn’t jump on stage and heckle my act, however a Youtube, attention wanting heckler hater will!” Afroman posted on April 22. “I now realize the hater heckler/ not fan had a boyfriend in the crowd. So why is The hater heckler rubbing her ass on me ? The hater heckler/not fan should be rubbing her ass on her boyfriend. That’s who paid to get The hater heckler in. That’s who paid to get The hater heckler drunk.” Afroman then begin to ﬂood the post with profanity while describing the woman and her actions on stage. “I realize it’s wrong to slap a hater heckler for trying to f*** you up,” he posted. “A hater heckler is a human being. A human being shouldn’t hit or kill another human being.” He also began insulting the Biloxi club, insisting it had poor security. “The clubs bad security and hater hecklers that like to jump on stage and screw up shows spill beer and ruin equipment,” he wrote. “I feel like the blue collar working man and poor college students pretty much make up my Fanbase I have been giving cheap prices to keep tickets affordable for my fans over the years. prices has went up on me on the road. Hotels gas food and mechanic expenses. I’ve been picking up the tab with my royalties.” Poor, Afroman. “I can’t believe I went to jail for $1700 trying to give my real fans a show and keep the prices cheap like they used to be when I performed back in the day in Mississippi,” he wrote. “I can’t perform cheap anymore. I have kids to feed and bills to pay if the right opportunity pops up I’m taking it.” So, with that, his “retirement” from performing live on stage was over as he continued to try to justify his actions. “I didn’t slap a fan I slapped a hater heckler that was trying to ruin my show for my real fans,” he wrote. “I apologize for slapping the hater heckler/not fan. I’m on my way to anger management now and three times a week so I never slap another hater heckler again... I was wrong for slapping the hater heckler /fan however I don’t hear the hater heckler admitting she was wrong for getting on the stage nor do I hear the club admitting they were wrong for not keeping people off the stage.” He ends the post announcing that he had arrived at his anger management class. “Love and peace to all my real fans ﬁrst,” he wrote. “Love and peace to all hater-hecklers and the rest of my enemies second.” It’s your turn, Augusta. Check out the video of the assault. Read Afroman’s words. And then decide if you want to fork over cash to see his show. Augustans should tell Afroman to pack it up and head home. It’s about time for another anger management class.

10DECEMBER2015

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Riverwatch “Luxury” Cinemas Opens in Style? For months, Augustans have watched with excitement the development of the 12-screen movie theater called Riverwatch Cinemas off River Watch Parkway next to Cabela’s and Costco. This week, the developer announced it is set to open on Thursday, Dec. 17, just in time for the premier of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” It should be a huge night for the new movie theater complex that includes a fullservice restaurant with alcohol on its menu and cushy contemporary seating in the cinema’s four-story auditoriums. It sounds like the Georgia Theatre Company is working hard to meet people’s high expectations. But there has been a running joke going on here in Augusta for the past few weeks regarding the company’s signs on the face of its new multi-million movie theater. In small print on the wings of the cinema complex are small brown and beige signs that read “Riverwatch Luxury Cinemas.” The letters of Riverwatch Cinemas are capitalized in bold, brown lettering, while the word “Luxury” is italicized using a completely different font and even placed diagonally on the sign. To be honest, it looks like the kind of font that a 10th grader would pick out for a high school yearbook. And definitely not a 10th grader from Davidson Fine Arts here in Augusta, but maybe a 10th grader from Richmond County’s Alternative School. When people saw the small signs on the side of the buildings, most assumed they were just temporary. They had to be small signs that indicated it was the “Future Home of Riverwatch Cinemas,” right? Nope. Upon closer inspection, the signs are definitely part of the stucco and, therefore, permanently attached to the building.

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10DECEMBER2015

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With about a week away from the cinemas’ grand opening, many folks were still joking about the small beige signs promoting the theater’s “luxury cinemas.” But, folks have to admit, it’s a miracle this project even came to fruition. It’s been more than two years since Georgia Theatre Company first announced plans to build in The Village at Riverwatch near the intersection of Interstate 20 and River Watch Parkway. However, the project hit some major snags along the way. Initially, Ben Carter Enterprises announced plans that it would develop an 800,000-square-foot fashion complex called the Outlet Mall of Georgia at Augusta that was slated to open in spring 2016. Ben Carter’s announcement came just a few weeks after the Georgia Theatre Company agreed to reposition its cinemas to accommodate the mall. The Outlet Mall of Georgia at Augusta was scheduled to feature top-tier retailers, restaurants, hotels and other retail uses. “We are attracted to Augusta and the regional trade area because it’s home to nearly 2 million people, and its location has the ability to draw visitors and shoppers from Columbia, South Carolina, to the east, and Greene County, Lake Oconee and The Ritz-Carlton Lodge, Reynolds Plantation to the west,” Ben Carter, founder of Ben Carter Enterprises, told the media.

8 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

“The area is home to scores of single-family homes along the lake and golf courses and equestrian-related developments.” At the time, Ben Carter entered into a real estate transaction with the Georgia Theatre Company that requested the Riverwatch Cinemas be built in a different location. Then, lo and behold, by the summer of 2014, Ben Carter Enterprises canceled its plans for the Augusta outlet mall only a few short months before it was scheduled to break ground in the Garden City. It was crushing news for those hoping to attract new retail to the Augusta market. But the Georgia Theatre Company stood its ground and remained committed to Augusta-Richmond County. So, while its signs for the “Riverwatch Luxury Cinemas” are less than impressive and far from luxurious, Augustans should be happy that the company didn’t back down from its promises to the community. The movie theater complex is scheduled to open as promised and will likely have a very impressive first month. Therefore, sit back and enjoy the movies. Just try to ignore the theater’s signage.

10DECEMBER2015

present

At the Imperial Theatre

DECEMBER 12 & 13 Get Your Tickets Today at AugustaPlayers.org Or call :

706-826-4707

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In Defense of “Jingle All the Way” I always have been, and always will be, a total mark for Christmas-themed media of all types. For me, the Christmas season begins right after the first night it’s cold enough to wear a jacket. What that means is that, here in Wisconsin, the only time of the year I’m not humming the theme from “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is between late May and early August. Side note: did you know that your eyelids can freeze if you cry in cold enough temperatures? Last year, I was chopping onions in our apartment in January, and stuck my head outside for some fresh air. I had to blow-dry my face for two minutes before I was convinced I hadn’t shouldered the burden of the world’s collective self-pleasure. Anyway. I’ll watch anything Christmas-related at least once, sometimes once times eight thousand, which explains why, 18 years ago, I subjected myself to the Arnold Schwarzenegger-Sinbad “buddy” “comedy” “film” “Jingle All the Way.” At the age of 12, I was already old enough to know better, but impulsive enough to do it anyway; how little has changed today. The movie, despite having grossed more than $120 million at the box office, was and still is largely panned, and not many films deserve it more. Though apparently conceptualized as a satire of sell-out toys like the Power Rangers and Tickle-Me Elmo, what instead resulted was something along the lines of a trippin’-balls orgy between K-Mart executives. “Jingle All the Way” means to send up the frenzied hunt for marquee toys, but instead ends up glorifying them in a roundabout way. As we learned from “Scrooged,” you can’t make a dark holiday film without the threat of suicide, murder or stapling tiny antlers to stunt mice, and “Jingle All the Way” has none of that. Despite the gripes, I’ll keep watching this pile of mall Santa fart residue each year. Here are its three saving graces:

and just generally spend an hour beating the crap out of each other. The movie culminates in — deep breath — SCHWARZENEGGER AND SINBAD DRESSING UP LIKE TURBO MAN AND HIS ARCH-NEMESIS AND HAVING AN HONEST TO GOD, ROCKET-POWERED SUPERHERO FIGHT AT THE CITY’S CHRISTMAS PARADE. If that is not an elaborate fantasy concocted by Schwarzenegger’s neglected son in order to escape his own crappy home life, then someone has got to be kidding. If the gritty reboot of “Jingle All the Way” doesn’t retcon that kid as a patient in a 1930s insane asylum, I refuse to see it more than six times.

1. schwarzenegger and sInbad Improv’d most of theIr lInes You expect to hear this kind of thing out of our greatest comedians and/or method actors: Bill Murray and Chevy Chase reportedly ad-libbed their way through about 99 percent of “Caddyshack,” and the result is one of the two or three funniest movies of all time. Robert de Niro completely improvised the infamous “You talkin’ to me?” scene in “Taxi Driver.” Fluid, organic response can sometimes be much more powerful than the scripted word, and films like that are enduring proof. And then we have this. Sinbad is actually a pretty funny comic, and good lord does he give it his all in this movie, chewing scenery like a rabid dog and just generally outshining everyone he shares the screen with. Schwarzenegger, though, for whatever reason, chose to improvise many of his responses to Sinbad’s character and, possibly due to complicated rites meant to invoke the rise of some ancient Elder God, most of it stayed in the movie. It’s like watching an audience member pulled onstage to participate in a two-hour “Whose Line is it Anyway?” bit, and it sometimes reaches Lynchian levels of surreality. Speaking of…

3. phIl hartman Is Just, lIke, phIl hartmannIng all over the place “Jingle All the Way” was Hartman’s second-to-last film, right next to “Small Soldiers,” and he is easily the best part of each one. Here, he’s classically smarmy, coming onto Schwarzenegger’s wife as he senses her dissatisfaction with her husband’s workaholic nature and exhibiting a general need to one-up everyone around him. Eventually, we find out that he and his wife divorced, which is when he started to become the Dad of the Year to his son, because character development is something we dearly crave in “Jingle All the Way.” Hartman is, along with Bill Murray and Christopher Walken, someone who can make you laugh by just appearing onscreen: he’s charismatic, the perfect blend of straight man and comic genius. He has about 20 combined minutes of actual screen time, and those are the only 20 minutes that matter. Josh ruffIn is a long way from home, having moved from Augusta to Middleton, Wisconsin,

with his wife, Michelle. He is a self-described beer guru, so most of his Twitter posts are about what he’s drinking. While drinking, he enjoys writing poetry and watching MMA fights… or writing poetry about MMA fights.

2. the whole thIng mIght take place In the kId’s head “Jingle All the Way” marked the first major film appearance by Jake Lloyd, who would later go on to play an instrumental part in George Lucas’ harried efforts to destroy that which we love most. He plays Schwarzenegger’s son, who is, predictably, depressed because his dad works too much and blah blah blah not around for Christmas blah. The kid covets, like all other children in this movie’s eldritch universe, a Turbo Man action figure, which is the crux of what plot we actually get here. His best friend and next door neighbor — whose name I absolutely refuse to bother finding out — has a seemingly idyllic home life: a dad (Phil Hartman! PHIL HARTMAN!) who dotes on him, rescues wounded reindeer, makes hot chocolate for the neighborhood, etc. Lloyd, of course, is envious. Meanwhile, Schwarzenegger’s quest for the Turbo Man toy, by the film’s end, more resembles a John Woo/Michael Bay double-feature than a family-friendly holiday film, as he and Sinbad physically assault store clerks, threaten radio DJs 10 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10DECEMBER2015

Grandpa Rudy “I SAID, BE QUIET!” My goodness! These trips up North seem to get longer each year. When they were all young fawns and bucks, you could just throw them in sleigh with a bag of feed and take off. Now they can’t go 20 minutes without being entertained. You would think now that everyone has their own tablet, they would stay quiet. But of course, these first-person shooter reindeer games create their own type of drama. “Speedy, Dizzy, stop shooting your sister! Please let her make it out of the forest.” “Sugar, dear, please just keep trying. Zip, could you help her out?” So, yes, of course, we’re headed to the North Pole to see Grandpa Rudy and Grandma Clarice. When things began to change and everyone else started migrating south, they decided to stay. Dad says the North Pole is the best place in the world to experience Christmas. When I was a young buck, he and my uncle Arrow would talk about how they watched the elves manufacture Christmas spirit in their workshop. To be honest, the place still gets pretty frantic this time of the year, even though there’s not that much to do. Personally, the old times seemed like a lot of work to me. Let’s just lay it out — Santa put together a team that manufactured and distributed all the toys for all the children in the entire world. Just to do it once, can you imagine what a logistical nightmare that must be? But they did it year after year after year. It was no picnic for the reindeer either. The physical training lasted for months, culminating in a literal all-nighter. Yes, the reindeer pulled the sleigh all night! And all for what — an extra bag of feed in the morning? Somehow, it just didn’t add up. No, this much better. Our little herd just loves our Google selfdriving sleigh. Each little reindeer has his or her own spot, all powered by fuel cells. All we have to do is set the destination to the North Pole and relax. The self-navigation ensures we don’t fly into a mountain or into controlled airspace. The GPS routing also keeps us away from populated areas. (We wouldn’t want to spoil the magic for anyone, now would we?) As you would expect, Santa’s always been somewhat of a technology geek. He’s always playing with the latest computer or smartphone. The rumor is that he’s completely wired the Christmas village with fiber. It’s probably true since the folks from Oculus were up here last week working on a secret project. But when it came to Christmas delivery, Santa always stayed old school. This choice confused many folks, but most suspected that Santa was a just following tradition. It turns out they were wrong. Everything started changing when Santa received delivery of his first Google sleigh. Mrs. Claus told everyone that the twinkle in his eyes hadn’t been that bright in years. He disappeared into his private study for about a month. When he came out, the R&D team received directions to create an autonomous delivery system. Needless to say, the elves and reindeer were a little anxious. But apparently, the testing didn’t go as well as expected. Santa always seemed a little disappointed after each test run, and eventually the effort was scrapped. I guess Google’s technology couldn’t compete with elven magic. Everything started settling back to normal, and eventually the project was forgotten. Then one day — a very fateful day — a present to Santa arrived in an Amazon box. Those who witnessed Santa open the present still talk about his smile. They say it was like all the Christmas joy ever released into the world came back to him at one time. As Santa lifted the present out of its box, all those around knew that their world was about to change. Santa had just received his first drone. It only took a few short months for drones to start zipping all over the North Pole. First, the drones ferried simple parts between the 10DECEMBER2015

factories. Then the drones started carrying parts between the warehouses and the assembly lines. Eventually, the drones became integrated in the production process, allowing Santa to increase automation and realize greater efficiency. Sure, the elves grumbled a bit, but you couldn’t argue with the numbers. The reindeer, however, were feeling especially nervous — Grandpa Rudy in particular. He could see the hoof prints on the wall. Watching all the drones carry items around the North Pole, he knew the decision that Santa was about to make. Despite all the questions, preparations for Christmas that year continued as normal. The elves exceeded their manufacturing goals for the Christmas spirit, and the worldwide weather forecast for Christmas Eve was the best it had been in years. The entire North Pole was preparing for the best Christmas ever! So it came as quite a shock when the message came to the stables to stand down. A fog of confusion settled over the reindeer as they heard Santa talking with Rudolph, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, but… I guess that I’ve come to say… Rudolph, your nose is still so bright… but, we’ve outsourced delivery to Amazon tonight.” Well, if you’re expecting a “Now all the reindeer loved him” moment, trust me that no one shouted out with glee. No one really said anything. Grandpa Rudy organized the team to help load the drones, but after Christmas, many of the reindeer started migrating to other work. The manufacturing efficiencies also required Santa to lay off some elves as well. Fortunately, a shelf-sitting opportunity opened up for them, and most of the elves are travelling the world and doing quite well. Of course, to the young bucks and fawns today, this drama is nothing but ancient history. All they know are the drones zipping overhead. But you have to wonder, with no reindeer delivery and fewer elves making toys, is there less Christmas spirit now in the world than before? Grandpa Rudy believes so. Well, if that’s the case, I guess we’ll just have to create our own Christmas spirit to ﬁll the gap! @gregory_a_baker

GREGORY BAKER PH.D. is vice president of CMA Technology and, yes, is actually a rocket scientist who used his doctorate in aerospace engineering at Lockheed Martin. In addition to working at CMA, he also serves the community, sitting on several boards in the area.

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The Whine Line

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Have something you want to get off your chest? Send your whines to whineline@themetrospirit.com.

For the whiner who won’t respond to people saying “Happy Holidays,” you obviously weren’t raised right. That’s just nonsensically rude. Someone says something nice to you, you say something nice back - like maybe “thank you.” Or “you, too.” You don’t shun them for not choosing your favorite words. Seasons greetings!

Religion is sickening! Whether it be Christianity , Judism, Islam , Whatever, it has caused more death and suffering in history and now than another premise! ALL of you religious idiots are responsable for the violence currently occuring. All of you want to place yourselves as the only perfect people. BS , You are disgusting!

Whites fear Muslims in the same way blacks used to fear whites back in the day. What goes around comes around.

Good news and bad news! The bad news is the shooting in California - guess who - Not American’s! The GOOD NEWS IS - no problem in Augusta - me and my VETS have you covered! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

At this moment, I am enjoying an evening reading a book and as I read this quote: “None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.”(1) 1) Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.” Suddenly into my conscious popped Austin Rhodes.... Sadly he will never understand why That he is not free! Rhamadamadingdomma, shalom and merry xmas to ALL

Mack Taylor should have known that Columbia County voters don’t take kindly to asking for and getting a commission seat, then bailing out six months later because “you” want to move to a open seat in the state house. Taylor, or anyone who pulls a dumb stunt like that, should be made to pay for the cost of a special election.

e Augusta ey th t a th e t ia c e I cmamnissaiopn pdoresn’t want to leaveiaannys tadox. Bmuot,n Co at politic annual h w ’s t a th – t n e p s on the table ungh the charade of preparing agn it? why go throu have no intention of followin budget, if you

Oh, you require to forgo using “Happy Holidays,” or risk your passive-aggressive social alienation? Girl, you’re a white Southern Baptist, for sure. Y’all ignore all the other CHRISTIAN holidays this time of year and spend every December pitching a big ol’ ignorant temper tantrum: Saint Nicholas Day, Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Yule, Christmas Eve, Christmas, Feast of the Nativity, Feast of Saint Stephen, Holy Innocents Day, Feast of the Holy Family, Feast of St. Basil, Epiphany (Christian), Three Kings’ Day, and the Nativity. Not to mention Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Get some education, and stop acting petty and foolish.

After president Obama’s speach, the republicans jumped quickly to discredit everything the president said. The republucans need to decide whose side they are on. The American people or ISIS.

Metrospirit Keeps up the racism divide. You print a racist rant against white Christian males watching Fox News being responsible for mass killings, but you don’t print the facts of showing the relation of demographics to crime rates in States and cities in the U.S.. Is there a black male in charge of reviewing the Whine line submittals?

Poor choice in day and time for the Columbia County Parade. Was hoping to see it but church comes first. Sure I’ll be hated for that remark since everyone can be offended but the Christian, but a parade celebrating the reason for the season should have been held on a Saturday like Richmond county did. There is more than one Saturday in December you know... So Representative Paul Ryan (R), supposedly the “smart guy” in the Republican party, defends his party’s refusal to pass legislation banning any individuals on the no fly list or terrorism watch list by regurgitating the retread babble about trampling individual rights with a fantastical hypothetical suggesting someone may be on either list mistakenly. Really? Any purported person of nefarious interest to the CIA or FBI is allowed to walk into Billy Bob’s Gun Shop or Wal-Mart and purchase all the AK-47s their little ole watch list hearts desire? And that frightening scenario happens on a regular basis, according to statistics. Do the firearms manufacturers in this country really need a few hundred more sales? Senator Chris Murphy (D), who incidentally represents the district of Sandy Hook, hit the nail on the head when he suggested Republicans who block any change in this law, when they go home tonight and offer prayers for the San Bernardino victims, pray for your own forgiveness for doing nothing...again. The Columbia County News Times is not asking for donations of children’s underwear this year. What (who) changed?

Since the Constitution grants the right to bear arms to citizens of the U.S., let’s at least make sure that the folks buying firearms ARE citizens. We should insist on mandatory comprehensive background checks on ALL gun purchases. And definitely not allow firearm purchases by those on the No Fly List. It’s time to realize the NRA has the best interest of the gun merchants at heart-not the safety of the US public.

Columbia County is

so white trash!

I will always play music and be a musician, but I will no longer talk about augusta’s music scene in a negative, positive, or any way, since you cannot express or have your own opinion. Ive said my peace. Just remember, when you keep talkin negative about somebody behind their back or online after that person has been diplomatic, that makes you look bad. Merry Christmas. My first time Augusta for a court case. You guys sure have a lot of police around. Must be stressful trying to live in freedom under these conditions. You crime rate must be super low.

America’s problem. Hope everybody is happy with the next president. Unfortunately, a great leader can’t get anything accomplished with s***ty followers.

Helen Blocker-Adams could not budget her own funds. Yet, she was not a plagiarist. She was rejected by voters. Hardie Davis cannot budget taxpayers funds and is a confirmed plagiarist. Yet, he is elected mayor by a wide margin. That says a lot about the voters of Richmond County. Cannibals elect cannibal kings.

Recently, i have counted at least 10 cars passing by with no headlights, starting around national hills, and all up and down Washington road. What’s really going on in that area to make drivers want to draw less attention to themselves?

The Scrooges at Morris are at it again. They took 5% of our pay 7 years ago and we’ve had no raises or cost of living increases since, but they just bought a new private jet! Coal lumps for us.

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Pizza and Beer

Mellow Mushroom celebrates the first anniversary of third area restaurant By Amy Christian

When ShaWn Ledford opened Mellow Mushroom in Augusta, it was all about pizza and beer. In fact, Ledford often found himself in the kitchen helping out. “When I opened downtown, I was in that kitchen cooking, cooking, cooking, all the time. And I did even in Evans,” Ledford said. “And now, it’s just… you get so spread out with three you have to figure out how to manage without being in the store. I like the kitchen. It was simple then.” It was in 2003 that Ledford and his wife Katy, transplants to the area from Atlanta, opened their first Mellow Mushroom location at the corner of 12th and Broad streets. Now, the Ledfords’ lives are a little more complicated. The downtown Augusta and Evans location on Washington Road are still going strong, the Mellow Mushroom has expanded its menu, most recently to include hamburgers. And their Aiken location is celebrating its first anniversary. Ledford said he’d always wanted to have a Mellow Mushroom location in each corner of the region. Over time, though, he noticed that many Aiken residents would make a point of stopping by for a pie when they were in town for other reasons. “They would come for a medical appointment and Mellow was always one of their stops,” he explained. “And we really love the downtown area here (in Aiken). It’s very quaint and there’s a lot of activity going on, so it was always attractive to me.” 14 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Once the Ledfords decided to move into Aiken, they then had to go through the nearly two-year task of actually opening the restaurant. First off was finding a location. And unlike Augusta and Evans, which are on roads that make them difficult to miss, Aiken’s store is in an alley. It’s a little bit hidden, especially if you don’t live in Aiken. If you do live in Aiken, however, the spot makes perfect sense. “This historically has been the anchor for restaurants in downtown Aiken,” Ledford explained. “The Bowery was here, Up Your Alley was over there, so now we’re kind of turning that over and there’s a new era of restaurants here. There’s a new restaurant across the street, we have Mellow here, and then you had the streetscape project going on in the alley. Someone bought the building next to us and they’re opening a new restaurant there, so there’s a lot of growth going on in downtown Aiken right now.” The recently finished streetscape project, which involved fencing off the alley area and lots of mud for about three months, put a damper on business during the allimportant first year. Ledford said that, in the long run, it’s a definite improvement. “It wasn’t good for business but, in the end, it’s going to be better because they really did a nice job,” he said. “It really looks nice and clean and crisp, and it’s going to be a 10DECEMBER2015

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“For example, parking’s always been a struggle for us out in Evans but it’s weird: we’ve overcome it and it’s a really good store that continues to grow,” Ledford explained. “We know we have a good product and that’s why I’m looking forward to year two here. Getting plugged into a new community? It’s a challenge, but it’s fun. I’m meeting some good people.” Good people who can bond over two things: pizza and beer. Mellow MushrooM 151 Bee Lane, Aiken 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Wednesday; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Thursday-Saturday 803-474-8454 mellowmushroom.com/store/aiken

good thing.” Once the Ledfords found the location, opening the restaurant wasn’t just a matter of putting in the equipment, gathering the ingredients and opening the doors. Unlike other franchises, Mellow Mushroom’s corporate office encourages franchisees like the Ledfords to make the space their own. “We’re not a cookie cutter franchise, so we’re having to reinvent the wheel every time,” he said. “It’s a real re-creation every time.” And it shows. While Mellow Mushroom Augusta is a brightly colored, funky space with works by local artist billy s adorning the walls, the Aiken location is, for lack of a better word, pretty. The colors are subdued and darker, the bar is a aqua-colored concrete slab, and the enclosed patio area has a wood-beamed ceiling. Of course, there are eclectic touches, like the Pegasus flying out of the wall of the back dining room or the mushroom cap covering a large booth. For the most part, however, the Aiken restaurant is much quieter and more serene than its sisters in the Augusta area. “It is pretty, isn’t it?” Ledford said when asked about the difference in decor. “I think that’s just kind of moving with the times. I think that, in Augusta, the situation was perfect and we wanted an eclectic store with a bohemian feel to it. This one (the Aiken location) is more established. I think the clientele is more conservative here, so we try to kind of stay within those parameters.” Getting to know the area and its residents has been the Ledfords’ goal in their first year of being open. “You know, downtown Augusta is different from Evans, and Aiken is different from downtown Augusta and Evans, so it’s really just figuring out your audience and playing to it,” he said. “Aiken is a unique place, it really is. A lot of people are very fond of it and they don’t want it to change. And then some people are looking forward to the change. And Aiken has a lot of people not from Aiken, so it’s kind of hard to peg its personality down but, overall, we’ve been well-received.” Improvement is the word the Ledfords are now focused on, in Aiken as well as in their other two restaurants. While the one in downtown Augusta just recently finished a renovation, the Evans location will soon begin one. “We have bought the house behind us and we’re expanding our parking lot,” Ledford said. “I feel like people have adjusted to our location and they carpool there sometimes because we are so limited in parking, but we are enclosing our patio and putting it on the side of the building and we’re putting a hard roof over that, so we’re expanding 2530 seats. And we’re expanding our parking lot by another quarter acre. We’re netting 54 more spots in the new parking lot.” Each Mellow Mushroom location, he said, has encountered its own challenges. Each, however, has come through those challenges stronger. 10DECEMBER2015

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Ho-Ho-Hoax Secret Sister Gift Exchange on Facebook is a pyramid scheme, according to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service By Stacey Eidson

Over the past few mOnths, users of Facebook may have frequently seen posts from friends and acquaintances about a fun, new holiday game of sorts called Secret Sister Gift Exchange. The Facebook posts claim that participants who buy a gift of $10 or more and send it to a “secret sister” will receive 36 gifts in return. Sound too good to be true? Well, it is. Here is what the message claims: “Send one gift value at least $10 to secret sister No. 1 below. Remove secret sister’s name from No. 1; then move secret sister No. 2 to that spot. Add your name to No. 2 with your info. Then send this info to six other ladies with the updated name info. Copy the secret sister request that I posted on my wall, to your own wall. If you cannot complete this within one week please notify me, as it isn’t fair to the ladies who have participated and are waiting for their own gifts to arrive.” The message even suggests that participants might want to order from webbased services such as Amazon, so they don’t have to make a trip to the post office. “Soon you should receive 36 gifts! What a deal, 36 gifts for giving just one!” the message states. “Be sure to include some information about yourself… some of your favorites. Seldom does anyone drop out because it’s so much fun to send a gift to someone you may or may not know… and of course it’s fun to receive. You should begin receiving gifts in about two weeks if you get your letters out to your six people right away.” 16 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

It seems like harmless fun, but the truth is that this gift exchange is actually a pyramid scheme, according to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service. The Secret Sister Gift Exchange spread so rapidly across the country last month that the U.S. Postal Inspection Service issued an official statement regarding the matter. “We caution folks against becoming involved in these types of events because they are a form of pyramid scheme,” the Nov. 9 statement read. “The people at the top of the ‘pyramid’ benefit most — and might actually receive the items promised. However, for everyone to receive what they’ve been promised, each layer of the pyramid must attract new recruits. It’s mathematically impossible to sustain.” Nevertheless, several participants of Secret Sister Gift Exchange fired back by posting photos of the gifts they had received on the Secret Sister Facebook page. “Just got my second secret sister gift today! So HA! To that ugly ‘scam’ thing going around!!” participant Bo Ashley McClure wrote. Another Secret Sister, Cyndi Jochum, posted, “Love getting unexpected gifts in the mail. Secret Sister Gift Exchange has happened again. Coffee cup and pen with a TipA-Day book in one box with candy and a ‘Gone With the Wind’ music box that plays ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.’”

“The best way to avoid disappointment? Avoid the pyramid altogether.” — U.S. Postal Inspection Service

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“Next time, I’ll know to drop my $10 in the Salvation Army bucket, so it will help someone who really needs it, instead of wasting my money on something like this.” — Kelly Ford

The gift exchange caught on so quickly that several local women started participating in it this fall. When a friend posted the message about the Secret Sister Gift Exchange on Facebook, Tanya Goulet agreed to participate because she thought it would be fun. She followed the directions and purchased a gift for around $10 and mailed it off to the Secret Sister No. 1 on her list. “I bought some funny dish towels and coasters,” Goulet said. She waited a few weeks and didn’t receive anything in the mail. In the meantime, her friend who initially posted the Secret Sister message on Facebook received two small gifts in the mail. But, as the weeks passed, Goulet’s mailbox remained empty. While Goulet admits she’s a bit disappointed that she never receive any surprise presents in the mail, she doesn’t blame the Secret Sister Gift Exchange. Instead, she simply feels it didn’t work because “people are slackers.” “I’d do it again because I like giving gifts and surprises,” Goulet said. “So I’d hope I’d have better luck the next time around. If not then I’d just chalk it up to people are slack.” Despite the fact that some people still have faith in the Secret Sister Gift Exchange, the U.S. Postal Inspection Service insists that not only is the pyramid scheme a hoax, but it is also illegal. “Consider a typical pyramid that involves six individuals

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in the chain,” the U.S. Postal Inspection Service posted on its Facebook page. “By the time you’ve reached the fourth level of participation, nearly 1,300 recruits must be onboard. Today, social media might make that a bit easier in than days past, which required chain letter-type solicitations by mail. However, upon reaching the sixth level of participation, you’d have to attract more recruits than could be seated in Chicago’s Wrigley Field. By the seventh level, you’d need more participants than folks living in Anchorage, Alaska. The ninth level requires you to recruit all of Houston, Texas and the Washington Metro area combined — and you still wouldn’t have enough participants.” Still not convinced? “The 11th round requires everyone in the United States to join in, if the promise is to be fulfilled,” the U.S. Postal Inspection Service wrote. “The odds are likely greater that Santa Claus, himself, would fly his sleigh into the middle of Times Square to personally distribute the gifts.” So why is this gift exchange considered illegal? “Fraudulent pyramid schemes typically violate the Lottery Statute (Title 18, United States Code, Section 1302),” the U.S. Postal Inspection Service wrote. “They contain all three elements of a lottery: prize (expectation of monetary or other gain from participation in the pyramid); chance (the monetary return you may receive from your participation is entirely up to chance, that is, dependent on the efforts of those below you

in the pyramid), and consideration (the price of your gift to join the pyramid). Pyramid schemes carry hefty penalties. If you are convicted federally, you may be fined or imprisoned not more than two years, or both; and for any subsequent offense you may be imprisoned not more than five years.” Apparently, many states also have anti-pyramid laws on the books that call into question the legality of these activities and Facebook’s rules also prohibits such schemes. “Absent all the legalities, it’s unfortunate — but nonetheless likely — many wellintentioned, present-bearing sisters will experience first-hand the age old adage: ‘tis better to give than to receive,’ as the sense of sorority dissipates upon realizing the promise of a gift in return cannot be fulfilled,” the U.S. Postal Inspection Service posted. “The best way to avoid disappointment? Avoid the pyramid altogether.” Local Secret Sister Gift Exchange participant Kelly Ford wishes she had seen the U.S. Postal Inspection Service’s message before getting involved in the pyramid scheme in early November. It would have saved her a lot of goodnatured ribbing from her husband, she said. “My husband has been giving me nonstop grief about it for about two weeks,” said Ford, who asked if she could use her maiden name for the story because her husband said he didn’t want everyone in Augusta to know his wife fell for the hoax.

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“The people at the top of the ‘pyramid’ benefit most — and might actually receive the items promised. However, for everyone to receive what they’ve been promised, each layer of the pyramid must attract new recruits. It’s mathematically impossible to sustain.” — U.S. Postal Inspection Service

“Every time he goes to the mailbox, he jokes, ‘Let’s go see what your secret sister got you today! Oh, right, nothing!’” Ford said a co-worker was the one who asked her to participate via Facebook and she thought it was a cute idea. “I was just trying to get in the Christmas spirit and I figured it was no big deal to send someone a $10 gift,” Ford said. “I definitely wasn’t expecting 30 plus presents in return. The only reason I did it was my friend at work seemed excited about it.” In mid November, her friend received two gifts in the mail: a Starbucks gift card and cute holiday tin full of assorted candies. “She was so thrilled when she showed me her gifts. I was super happy for her,” Ford said. “Then, she asked me, ‘What have you gotten?’ I told her I hadn’t received anything yet, but I told her not to worry because it was early on.” A couple of weeks passed and her friend at work frequently asked her about the gift exchange. “I finally had to tell her that I still hadn’t gotten anything and she felt kind of bad. She even apologized,” Ford said. “She told me none of the other women she had encouraged to participate had received anything either. I told her it was really no big deal and that I hadn’t expected anything.” To help cheer up her friend, Ford suggested they start a secret holiday gift exchange, similar to a Secret Santa exchange, at work like the one she did every year at her former job a few years ago. “We always had a blast with it at my former workplace. It is just a nice way of thanking your co-workers for all their hard work at the end of the year,” Ford said. “So we agreed to do it here. At least that way we could all have a little fun with it.” That’s actually how her husband found out about the pyramid scheme, Ford said. “I hadn’t really mentioned the Secret Sister thing to my husband because he’s never really on Facebook or anything, but that night I told him about it and how the other women also didn’t get a gift,” Ford said, chuckling. “Well, he couldn’t stop laughing. He even got a Post-it note and wrote, ‘SUCKER’ in all caps with a marker and tried to stick it on my forehead. Sometimes he can be a bit of an... well, you know.” But Ford says she just chalks it all up to one of life’s little learning experiences and she hopes that she can help other local women to avoid falling for similar schemes in the future. “Next time, I’ll know to drop my $10 in the Salvation Army bucket, so it will help someone who really needs it, instead of wasting my money on something like this,” she said, laughing. “I’ve also learned that I probably shouldn’t tell my husband all of my silly little mistakes. This year, he’s had a bit too much fun giving me a hard time about my secret sisters and their gifts.”

“I’d do it again because I like giving gifts and surprises. So I’d hope I’d have better luck the next time around. If not then I’d just chalk it up to people are slack.” — Tanya Goulet

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Getting Over a Case of the Guilts HOW’S YOUR HOLIDAY DECORATING GOING? If you’re Jewish, I’d guess you’re all set, since Hanukkah is well underway. Who am I kidding? You’re probably all ﬁnished. It’s December, after all. I’m behind. Haven’t started. I went through this last year, too. It was different, though. I couldn’t catch the spirit. This year, I simply haven’t had time. Between shuttling my people around and several back and forth Atlanta trips, any extra hours have evaporated. Do y’all want to know how slack I’ve been? The Halloween decorations are still in the box in the hall, waiting to go to the attic. Even worse, our pumpkins still sat on the front porch until I pulled them inside yesterday. They weren’t carved, so there wasn’t any mold. Yet. You’re asking why I brought them inside, aren’t you? I could’ve taken them to the garbage can. Opening the front door, grabbing the pumpkins and yanking them inside was the quickest solution. Hopefully none of the neighbors saw me. I’ll take them to the trash when it gets dark. I’m not usually bothered by such things, because it will get done at some point and it doesn’t have to look like one of the Fat Man’s style trees I so loved decorating. However, when I caught The Girl cutting paper decorations out of white copy paper, I got a case of the guilts. Coupled with that was the fact that there are now paper chains, ornaments and signs all over the house. She can’t wait to hear what Santa thinks. I guess that means they’re staying. I guess that also means I won’t need all the boxes of décor out of the attic. Less work for me. Thanks, Girl. The guilts don’t give me any extra time, though, so we still don’t have a tree. I woke up this morning feeling bad about it. “At least our elf has moved (most nights),” I told myself. At least he’s got it together. Everything else is great, so I shouldn’t be complaining. We are all eating three meals per day, we’re busy doing things we love, and we have a roof over our heads. The clothes are mostly washed, though I can’t promise you The Girl is wearing clean socks. It’s not because they haven’t been laundered. She doesn’t mind wearing dirty socks. Her feet stink something awful. I pick my battles. Thank goodness for shoes. As I sat this morning, making my list of Christmas chores that must be done before guests come to town, I envisioned rushing everyone around the house in our limited spare time, probably raising my voice a little. Everything has to be beautiful! It’s Christmas! Tie the ribbons! Don’t burn the cookies! Water the tree and vacuum up those needles! Company’s coming! I took a break from my list and stumbled on another. Y’all know I love a list. Baby doll, bottle for the doll, paci for the doll, small blue notebook, a blanket, spray spray, doll car seat, Jedi bag, iPad and a pencil. It sounds like suggestions for Santa, but don’t be fooled. These items already belong to a child. With an iPad and all of those accessories for her doll, she’s not wanting for much. Don’t be fooled. Frances, our friend, and the owner of the list and an ultra rare disease, has had more surgeries than Christmases. That’s her hospital packing list. Gut punch. Who cares about the dadgum tree? Sure, we’ll get one. We’ll hang candy canes on it and put a wreath on the door. For Frances, we’re getting a new decoration. A small blue notebook will sit on our coffee table this year. A sweet, gentle reminder to get a grip. Peace to you and yours, y’all.

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JENNY WRIGHT’S humorous observations on marriage, motherhood and living in Augusta have earned her a devoted following, both in print and on Facebook. When she’s not spying on other parents in the carpool line at school, you’ll probably ﬁnd her with either a camera, tennis racquet or wine glass in her hand.

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professor of history. Pre-registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit arcpls.org.

Mon Dec 14, 2015

3:30pm - 5pm Intermediate Spanish Friedman Branch Library An adult class led by Edwin Perez of the Asociacion Cultural Hispanoamericana. Call 706-736-6758 or visit arcpls.org.

Tue Dec 15, 2015

2pm - 4pm Cover Letter Workshop Diamond Lakes Branch Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit arcpls.org.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson Guided tours, approximately 45 minutes long, are offered Thursday-Saturday on the hour from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Group tours are available by advanced reservation. Adults, $5; seniors, $4; kids K-12, $3; under 5 years, free. Call 706-724-0436 or visit wilsonboyhoodhome.org.

7pm After the Bungalow, Before the Ranch: The Small American House Phenomenon, 1920s-1960s

Sun Dec 13, 2015

2pm Book Premiere and Artist Talk Morris Museum of Art Featuring Rick McKee and his ﬁrst book “Painting with a Broad Brush: A Collection of Cartoons by Rick McKee.” Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

DANCE Sat Dec 12, 2015

5pm Nutcracker in the South 2015 Jabez S. Hardin Performing Arts Theatre A Cutno Dance production. $15, adult; $20, VIP, $13, child. Call 706-364-3442 or visit cutnodance.com.

EDUCATION Thu Dec 10, 2015

12:30pm - 4:30pm SRS Tour Aiken County Applied Research Center

Historic Augusta A talk by Dr. Richard Cloues that is part of the Architectural History Lecture Series. Free and open to the public. Call 706-7240436 or visit historicaugusta.org.

Ongoing

Toys for Tots Donations Southern Wesleyan University The school will waive applications fees for any upcoming onsite or online program to those who bring a new, unwrapped toy to donate to a needy family by December 11. Call 803-426-7981.

Tutoring

Columbia County Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit gchrl.org.

GRU’s Literacy Center One-on-one tutoring offered to all ages in all subjects and supervised by a certiﬁed teacher at all times. Available by appointment Monday-Thursday from 4-8 p.m. at the center at 1401 Magnolia Drive. Call 706-737-1625 or visit gru.edu/lcenter/.

7pm Tablet Users Group Meeting

GED Class

5:30pm Long-Term Care, Insurance, Estate Planning

Aiken Public Library Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

1pm - 2:30pm Explorations in Southern Folk Christianity Maxwell Branch Library Led by Dr. John Hayes, GRU assistant

Arts and Heritage Center of North Augusta Offered by appointment and includes a 3045 minute guided tour and admission to the center. Self-guided tours are also available through an iPhone downloadable audio tour or a Google Maps-based tour. Guided tours: $5, adults; $3, students K-12. Call 803-4414380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Tours

Columbia County Library Call 706-863-1946 or visit gchrl.org.

Includes a safety brieﬁng, tour of the Savannah River Ecology Lab and general driving tour of the site. Free and open to those 18 or older who are U.S. citizens and have two forms of ID. Call 803-952-8994 or visit srs.gov/general/tour/public.htm.

North Augusta Driving Tour

Aiken Public Library Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

5:30pm Gadget Help with Alex

ARTS

1797 Ezekiel Harris House Offered by appointment only MondayFriday and Saturday from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Last tours of the day begin at 4 p.m. Adults, $2; children, $1. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

3pm Spanish For Adults

Thu Dec 17, 2015

If your holiday taste runs more to “Krampus” than it does to “Miracle on 34th Street,” then you’re going to love Le Chat Noir’s Christmas production of “The Seafarer.” Showing December 11-12 and 17-19 at 8 p.m. and written by Conor McPherson, it is the story of a man named Sharky who returns home to take care of his older, blind brother. After a couple of friends show up to play cards, things get weird and they soon ﬁnd that there may be much more than cash on the table to lose. Tickets to the show are $25. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Guided Tours

The Kroc Center A class for those ages 18 and older that meets Mondays and Wednesdays from 9 a.m.-noon. The class is free, but there is a charge for taking the GED exit exam. Preregistration required. Call 706-922-0171 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org.

Historic Trolley Tours of Augusta Augusta Visitors Center Tours aboard the Lady Libby available at the Augusta Visitors Center with 24-hour advanced reservations. Tickets include admission to the Augusta Museum of History. Call 706-724-4067 or visit visitaugusta.org.

ELSEWHERE Sat Dec 12, 2015

10am - 4pm Christmas in Harlem Downtown Harlem Featuring a parade at 11 a.m., food, crafts, vendors and more. Visit harlemga.org.

1pm Gallery Tour: Georgia O’Keeffe and Independent Spirits Columbia Museum of Art Free with admission. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org.

Sun Dec 13, 2015

Noon - 3pm Passport to Art: It Complements You! Columbia Museum of Art A free open studio for families in which participants make a work of art from two complementary colors and either take a selfguided or family themed guided tour at 1 p.m. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org.

2pm Gallery Tour: Highlights of the CMA Collection Columbia Museum of Art Free with admission. Call 803-799-2810 or

If you have any questions, or would like to submit an event to our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. 22 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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visit columbiamuseum.org.

Ongoing

Georgia O’Keeffe: Her Carolina Story Columbia Museum of Art This exhibition of 12 of O’Keeffe’s works will show through January 10. Call 803-799-2810 or visit columbiamuseum.org.

Simple gifts: The Timeless Beauty of Artisan Creations LithaMoonGallery, Greensboro An artisan show featuring the work of Tim Goodson, Cynthia Perry and Vicky Bernard, Wade Franklin, Hugh Fleming and Cheryl White. The exhibit shows until December 26 (closed Christmas day). Call 513-356-4055.

Call for Artists

“Local Legends”; “One Man, Two Ships: Lessons in History and Courage”; “A Quilt Journey”; and “Canteens to Combat Boots”. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

FLIX Fri Dec 11, 2015

Noon “A Christmas Carol” Morris Museum of Art Part of the Films on Friday series that includes a discussion afterwards. Participants are invited to bring lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

2:30pm Family Fun Movies Appleby Branch Library Call 706-736-6244 or visit arcpls.org.

LithaMoonGallery, Greensboro Watercolor artists from across the U.S. are invited to enter the juried competition The Garden Realm: Watercolour Floral by December 19. The 40 pieces chosen will be shown February 19-March 13, 2016. Non-refundable entry fee is $40 per each five images. For more information, call 513-356-4055.

HEALTH

EXHIBITIONS

Safe Kids Office Pre-registration required. $10; car or booster seat provided to families who meet financial guidelines. Call 706-721-7606 or visit grhealth.org.

Thu Dec 10, 2015

6pm Meet the Artist: Wendy Murphy Hire Grounds Cafe Murphy’s artwork will be on display at the cafe throughout the month of December. Call 706-650-5760 or visit goodwillworks.org.

6pm - 8pm Opening Reception Aiken Center for the Arts This free event celebrates the following exhibits: Happy Birthday Aiken: Celebrating 180 Years in the Main Galleries; Tom Supensky in the Aiken Artist Guild Gallery; and the South Carolina School for the Deaf and Blind in the Children’s Gallery. All exhibits will show December 7-January 2. Call 803641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Ongoing

SEEDS Exhibition Westobou Gallery An exhibition of works in a variety of mediums from local and regional artists that are $300 or less. The exhibition will show until January 29. Call 706-755-2878 or visit westoboufestival.com.

Exhibits Augusta Museum of History Includes the following: “Glamorous Gowns of Centuries Past” (through December 2015), “Augusta, 1864” (through January 2016); “The Godfather of Soul, Mr. James Brown; “Celebrating a Grand Tradition, the Sport of Golf”; “Augusta’s Story”; “A Community That Heals”; “Into the Interior: A History of the Georgia Railroad and Banking Company”; 10DECEMBER2015

Thu Dec 10, 2015

10am - 11:15am Relax & Renew Yoga Whole Foods Free. Call 762-333-0259 or visit wholefoodsmarket.com.

5:45pm - 8pm Car Seat Class

5:30pm Contraceptive Choices Maxwell Branch Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit arcpls.org.

7pm Babies, Bumps & Bruises Doctors Hospital Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

7pm - 9:30pm Women’s Center Tour University Hospital Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

10:30am Childbirth Tours Georgia Regents Medical Center Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706721-9351 or visit grhealth.org.

10:30am - noon Herbal Healing

6pm - 8pm Infant CPR Class Trinity Hospital Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Tue Dec 15, 2015 4pm Alzheimer’s

Appleby Branch Library One of a series of health presentations hosted by GRU’s Robert B. Greenblatt MD Library. Led by Beth Williams. Visit gru.edu.

6pm - 8:30pm Childbirth Education 101 Trinity Hospital Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706481-7727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

6:30pm - 8pm Infant CPR: AHA Friends and Family GRHealth Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-2273 or visit grhealth.org.

Ongoing Yoga

H.O. Weeks Center, Aiken Yoga I is offered from 8:45-9:45 a.m., Tuesdays and Thursdays; Yoga II is offered 8:45-9:45 a.m., Fridays; Evening Yoga is offered 5:30-6:30 p.m., Mondays and Wednesdays. $41 for 10 tickets, residents; $66, non-residents. Call 803-642-7631.

Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson’s Disease Aquatics Class Wilson Family Y’s Katie’s Pool Members, free; non-members, $3. Call 706922-9664 or email ccollins@thefamilyy.org.

Adapted Evaluation Wilson Family Y’s Katie’s Pool A 30-minute initial and annual evaluation including medical history and water assessment. $25. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Adapted Special Populations One-onOne Class

Maxwell Branch Library Led by Faye Wallace. Pre-registration suggested. Call 706-793-2020 or visit arcpls.org.

Thu Dec 17, 2015

Mon Dec 14, 2015

Whole Foods Free. Call 762-333-0259 or visit wholefoodsmarket.com.

Wilson Family Y’s Katie’s Pool For the physically and developmentally challenged of all ages. Members, $10; nonmembers, $30. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

University’s Breast Health Center Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

7pm - 8:30pm Infant CPR Class

HOBBIES

4pm Breast Self-Exam Class

10am - 11:15am Relax & Renew Yoga

University Hospital Pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org.

Thu Dec 10, 2015

11am Adult Time Out: Candles AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

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Euchee Creek Branch Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-5560594 or visit gchrl.org.

6pm Harry Potter Party

1pm Columbia County Genealogical Society Meeting

Columbia County Library Participants are invited to dress as their favorite characters for a night filled with activities and refreshments. Call 706-8631946 or visit gchrl.org.

Euchee Creek Branch Library For those of all abilities. Call 706-556-0594 or visit gchrl.org.

Fri Dec 11, 2015

6pm University Toastmasters University Hospital Call 706-951-2970 or visit 9083. toastmastersclubs.org.

Fri Dec 11, 2015

10am Play and Grow Aiken Public Library A drop-in program for those ages 0-5 that includes puzzles, toys, puppets and more. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

7pm - 8:30pm Tacky Christmas Party

Columbia County Library For those of all skill levels. Call 706-8631946 or visit gchrl.org.

Aiken Public Library A teen program that includes games, crafts and prizes for the tackiest Christmas sweater. Pre-registration required. Call 803642-2023, ext. 1121, or visit abbe-lib.org.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

Euchee Creek Branch Library For all ages. Call 706-556-0594 or visit gchrl.org.

Whole Foods Pre-registration at customer service required. Call 762-333-0260 or visit wholefoodsmarket.com.

3pm Genealogy Class

Noon Saturday Chess Club

1pm - 3pm Lucid Libations: From Spirit to Cocktail Helms College Part of the Saturday Chef series in which students will learn how to make classic cocktails. $75; pre-registration required. Call 706-651-9707 or email saturdaychef@ helms.edu.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

Noon Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters The Cotton Patch Those interested are invited to learn speech and leadership skills in a fun and supportive atmosphere. Call 706-627-2134.

4pm Genealogy Class Harlem Branch Library Call 706-556-9795 or visit gchrl.org.

KIDS-TEENS Thu Dec 10, 2015 4pm Lego Club

Aiken Public Library For those in grades K-5. Legos provided. Call 803-642-2023 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Kids Craft

9:30am - 11am Children’s Hike with Story Time Phinizy Swamp Nature Park Pre-registration required. Call 706-396-1424 or visit phinizycenter.org.

10:15am Lego Club Headquarters Branch Library Legos provided. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2623 or visit arcpls.org.

11am Waiting Is Not Easy Story Time Barnes & Noble Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Sun Dec 13, 2015

2pm Expert Rainbow Loom Class Learning Express Toys Participants are asked to bring their own bands and looms, if possible. Call 706-3641795 or visit learningexpress.com/store/evans/.

Mon Dec 14, 2015 10:15am Music & Me

Barnes and Noble Pre-registration required. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Headquarters Branch Library A weekly class for those ages 0-2 in which participants will learn to chant, sing, play instruments and move to the music. Preregistration required for groups of five or more. Call 706-821-2623 or visit arcpls.org.

5pm Intermediate Rainbow Loom Class

Tue Dec 15, 2015

4:30pm Milk and Cookies with Santa

Learning Express Toys Participants are asked to bring their own bands and looms, if possible. Call 706-3641795 or visit learningexpress.com/store/evans/. 24 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10:15am Big Kids Story Time Headquarters Branch Library This event for those ages 3-7 that features a reader from the Morris Museum of Art. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2623

Don’t be alarmed if you head downtown Saturday, December 12, and see a bunch of Santas and elves stumbling around drunk. It’s just SantaCon Augusta, a pub crawl in which participants are encouraged to dress up in holiday attire. You can even join in the holiday fun, if you like. It starts at 4 p.m. at theclubhouse.se and tickets start at $15. Visit eventbrite.com. or visit arcpls.org.

10am Ms. Kathy’s Story Time Imagination Station An event that includes stories, songs, counting and dancing. Free for members; included with $10 admission for up to 3 kids for nonmembers. Email imagine.augusta@ gmail.com or visit imagineaugusta.org.

5pm Beginner Rainbow Loom Class Learning Express Toys

Participants are asked to bring their own bands and looms, if possible. Call 706-3641795 or visit learningexpress.com/store/evans/.

5:30pm Christmas Puppet Show Euchee Creek Branch Library Call 706-556-0594 or visit gchrl.org.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

10am Wacky Wednesday Story Time Barnes & Noble Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. 10DECEMBER2015

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11am Story Time

Creek Freaks

Learning Express Toys Call 706-364-1795 or visit learningexpress. com/store/evans/.

Phinizy Center A Georgia Adopt-a-Stream team of middle-and high-school students that meets regularly to monitor the health of Butler Creek. Call 706-796-7707 or visit naturalscienceacademy.org.

5pm Teens @ Your Library Diamond Lakes Branch Library An event that includes movies, crafts and board games for those ages 12-17. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Thu Dec 17, 2015

10am Mr. Nate’s Nature Reading Room Reed Creek Park A program for those ages 2-4. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Free, members; $2, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or email kbyne@ columbiacountyga.gov.

4:30pm Milk and Cookies with Santa Barnes and Noble Pre-registration required. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

5pm Intermediate Rainbow Loom Class Learning Express Toys Participants are asked to bring their own bands and looms, if possible. Call 706-3641795 or visit learningexpress.com/store/evans/.

Ongoing

Magnet School and Program Applications Available Richmond County magnet schools and programs applications are now available for the 2016-2017 school year. They can be picked up at any school or from the school system’s website. Deadline for applications is December 18. Call 706-826-1000 or visit rcboe.org.

Youth Archery League Registration HO Weeks Center, Aiken For those ages 5-18, this 12-session class meets Wednesdays, January 6-March 23, from 6:30-8 p.m. Open to beginners and experienced participants, students will learn archery history, safety, technique, equipment, mental concentration and selfimprovement. $11 per session; $20 fee at the time of enrollment for non-city residents. Call 803-642-7631 or 803-648-7892, or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Walton Winter Weekend Applications for Walton Foundation for Independence’s Winter Weekend Camp will be accepted until January 1, 2016. The camp, which will be held February 5-7 at Camp Twin Lakes in Rutledge, Ga., is for children ages 6-18 with physical disabilities and their families. Applications should include a $25 registration fee. For more information, call 706-826-5809 or visit waltonfoundation.net/winterweekend. 10DECEMBER2015

Loud Crowd A supervised after-school program for those ages 4-12, is Monday Friday from 3-6 p.m. at the following community centers: Warren Road, Blythe, Garrett, Diamond Lakes and McBean. The program follows the Richmond County school calendar. $85, monthly; $25, weekly; $10, drop-in. Visit augustaga.gov.

Moms Club of Augusta A nonprofit group that has weekly playgroups and other activities for stayat-home moms. For more information, visit momsclubaugusta.org.

Moms Club of Grovetown A group that accepts any mom who stays at home with her children regardless of parenting style, religion or ethnicity. The group meets for a variety of activities and dues are $20 a year. Visit momsclubofgrovetown.weebly.com.

Mothers of Advanced Maternal Age A group for women with children who are age 35 years or older. Call 706-394-1293 or email hoopnhollar2@yahoo.com.

Homeschool PE Time The Kroc Center For kids ages 5-12 and meets Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 9:30 a.m. Members, free; nonmembers, $2 per visit. Activity follows the Richmond County school calendar. Call 706-364-5762 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org/kroc-center/.

LITERARY Sat Dec 12, 2015

Noon Author Signing Barnes & Noble Featuring Brian Panowich, author of “Bull Mountain.” Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Mon Dec 14, 2015

7pm Pub Fiction Book Club Pizza Central Hosted by Columbia County Library staff. Call 706-863-1946 or visit gchrl.org.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

10:30am On the Same Page Book Club Potluck Euchee Creek Branch Library A book selection party and potluck. Call 706-556-0594 or visit gchrl.org.

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Thu Dec 17, 2015

11:30am Brown Bag Book Discussion Columbia County Library A 2016 planning party. Call 706-863-1946 or visit gchrl.org.

4pm Harlem Book Club Harlem Branch Library The group’s annual book selection meeting and Christmas party. Call 706-556-9795 or visit gchrl.org.

MUSIC Thu Dec 10, 2015

7pm Evening of Christmas Celtic Guitar First Baptist Church of Thomson A benefit for the MANNA food bank. $10. Call 706-597-1000.

Fri Dec 11, 2015 7pm Noel! Concert

St. Teresa’s Catholic church, Grovetown A Columbia County Orchestra event featuring the St. Teresa’s choir. Visit columbiacco.org.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

7:30pm Amahl with Friends Saint Paul’s Church An Augusta Choral Society holiday concert that features Amahl and the Night Visitors, The Hallelujah Chorus and other holiday favorites. $25, adults; $10, students under 25 and military. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

Sun Dec 13, 2015

3pm Christmas Through the Ages Cornerstone Baptist Church, Aiken An Aiken Choral Society winter concert. $20, adults; $10, students and military; free, children under 12. Visit aikenchoralsociety.org.

Thu Dec 17, 2015

7:30pm O Holy Night: An Evening of Holiday Song Covenant Presbyterian Church Featuring Emmy nominated Marco Panuccio and pianist Jason Maynard. $25; $15, students. Call 800-838-3006 or visit augusta.brownpapertickets.com.

SENIORS Thu Dec 10, 2015

11am - 1pm Medicare and You Kroc Center Call 706-922-0171 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org.

1pm - 1:30pm Got 30 Minutes? Kroc Center Conducted by the Area Agency on Aging, this workshop provides an overview of services available to caregivers, the aging, and those with disabilities. Call 706-922-0171 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org.

Ongoing

Silver Sneakers Kroc Center A senior exercise class that meets each Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 1:30-2:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit salvationarmyaugusta. org/kroc-center/.

Senior Citizens Club Smith-Hazel Recreation Center Meets Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 a.m.-noon. Call 803-642-7634.

Silversneakers H.O. Weeks Center Silversneakers Classic Classes offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yoga is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. $27, members; $52, nonmembers. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Computer Classes for Seniors Kroc Center Taught Mondays and Thursdays. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-5762 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org/kroccenter/.

Games for Seniors H.O. Weeks Center Include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday 9-10 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays from 11 a.m. 3 p.m. and on Fridays from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

SPECIAL EVENTS Thu Dec 10, 2015

10:30am Special Program for Special Needs Diamond Lakes Branch Library Event includes films, crafts and other activities for adults with disabilities. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7722432 or visit ecgrl.org.

will be made, and there will be live music and refreshments. Call 706-755-5849.

Fri Dec 11, 2015

5pm - 8pm Wine Not It’s Friday Whole Foods A $5 wine tasting in which participants get five 3-ounce samples of featured wines. Call 762-333-0259 or visit wholefoodsmarket.com.

7pm - 10pm Celebrate Christmas! Aiken Center for the Arts A special event feature music, dancing, art, a reception, silent auction and more. $15. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

7pm Washington Wines Wine World A tasting of 10 wines from Washington state plus snacks and discounts. $20; pre- registration required. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

Noon Donald Trump Town Hall Meeting USC Aiken Convocation Center Free, but tickets required. Visit trumpaiken.eventbrite.com.

4pm - 11:30pm SantaCon Augusta theClubhou.se A pub crawl in which participants are encouraged to dress up in holiday attire. $15. Visit eventbrite.com.

7pm and 8pm “Season of Light” Dupont Planetarium, Aiken Weather permitting, the observatory, housing the Bechtel Telescope, will be available for viewing after each show. $1$5.50. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu.

7pm - 10pm Celebrate Christmas! Aiken Center for the Arts A special event feature music, dancing, art, a reception, silent auction and more. $15. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org.

Sun Dec 13, 2015

Noon Jaycees Christmas Parade Downtown Aiken Call 803-761-7081.

Mon Dec 14, 2015

7pm and 8pm “Season of Light”

Downtown Aiken Luminaries will line the streets and shops will stay open late. Call 803-649-2221.

Dupont Planetarium Weather permitting, the observatory, housing the Bechtel Telescope, will be available for viewing after each show. $1$5.50. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu.

7pm Christmas Gala

Thu Dec 17, 2015

Sacred Heart Cultural Center A benefit for those living with HIV/AIDS that includes dinner and drinks. $20; $35 for two. Call 706-449-4315 or visit Pyramid Music.

Wine World $5. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

Appleby Branch Library Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

7pm Columbia County 225th Birthday Celebration

Fri Dec 11, 2015

11:30am - 1pm Elmcroft Senior Studies 101 Lunch and Learn Columbia County Library Pre-registration required. Call 706-868-1946, ext. 4, or visit gchrl.org.

10:30am Senior’s Golden Games

26 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

5pm - 8pm Night of 1,000 Lights

Appling Courthouse Special presentations, including the unveiling of Project 225,

5pm - 8pm Wine Tasting

Ongoing

Lights of the South 633 Louisville Road, Grovetown Open 6-10 p.m. through December 30. Visit 10DECEMBER2015

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lightsofthesouth.com.

Christmas in Hopelands Hopelands Gardens, Aiken This walk-through exhibit features more than 1.5 miles of pathways lighted with holiday displays that include more than 100,000 lights. Each night features an outdoor concert or movie on the Roland H. Windham Performing Arts Stage. The exhibit is open from 6-9:30 p.m. December 13-23, December 26-27, with a shuttle service from Citizens Park provided from 5:45-9 p.m. Free, but donations accepted. Call 803-642-7631.

SPIRITUAL Thu Dec 10, 2015

7pm Hayride Through the Life of Christ Columbia County Fairgrounds Hosted by Sharon Baptist Church of Appling, this event features 13 live vignettes and hot chocolate. Free. Call 706541-0667 or 706-825-3076.

Fri Dec 11, 2015

Columbia County Fairgrounds Hosted by Sharon Baptist Church of Appling, this event features 13 live vignettes and hot chocolate. Free. Call 706541-0667 or 706-825-3076.

Call to schedule custom tours of the park for organizations, kids groups or private parties. Tours included hiking, bicycle or golf cart tours and more. Call 706-828-2109 or email info@phinizycenter.org.

Sun Dec 13, 2015

Daily Canal Tours

SPORTS-OUTDOORS Sat Dec 12, 2015

9:30am - 11am Yoga in the Park Phinizy Swamp Nature Park For all levels. Participants should bring yoga mat and water. Call 706-828-2109 or visit phinizycenter.org.

Ongoing

Fencing Classes

Columbia County Fairgrounds Hosted by Sharon Baptist Church of Appling, this event features 13 live vignettes and hot chocolate. Free. Call 706541-0667 or 706-825-3076.

Augusta Fencers Club Classes for children as young as six, as well as teens and adults, meet five nights a week. The next 10-week introductory course begins September 14 and is $180 with all competitive equipment provided. Call 706-722-8878.

Sat Dec 12, 2015

Guided Tours

7pm Hayride Through the Life of Christ

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Phinizy Swamp Nature Park

Augusta Canal Winter Season hours, through March, include Heritage Boat Tours at 11:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. Tuesdays-Saturdays. The Civil War boat tour is daily at 1:30 p.m. Tickets are $13.75 for adults and $11.75 for seniors, military and students. All tickets include admission to the Canal Discovery Center, which costs $6 for adults and $4 for seniors, military and students without a boat tour. Pre-registration encouraged. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 4, or visit augustacanal.com.

Guided Trail Rides Hilltop Riding Stables Available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and Wednesday-Friday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. Call 706-791-4864 or visit fortgordon.com.

South Atlantic Recreation Club Offers kickball, flag football and bowling leagues. For more information, visit sarcaugusta.com.

Weekly Group Runs

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Yes, it’s a terrible time to have to think about the next school year, but if you want your child to attend a Richmond County magnet school or program in the 2016-2017 school year, applications are due December 18. That’s right, it’s only a little more than a week away. Applications can be picked up at any school or from the school system’s website. Call 706-826-1000 or visit rcboe.org. Include the Monday Run meeting at Stillwater Taproom at 6 p.m.; Monday Intervals meeting at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; the Tuesday Nacho Mama’s Group Run at 5:30 and 6 p.m.; Wednesday’s Hill Training Run at the Family Y track on Wheeler Road at 7 p.m.; and Thursday’s Homer Hustle at 6 p.m. Visit augustastriders.com.

Andy Jordan’s Group Rides

7pm PFLAG-CSRA

Rides include Tuesdays at 6:30 p.m., road bike ride; Wednesdays at 6:30 p.m., mountain bike ride; Thursdays at 6:30 p.m., road bike ride; Saturdays at 9 a.m., road bike ride. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Unitarian Universalist Church of Augusta PFLAG CSRA offers support to parents, family, friends and allies of LGBT people and LGBT people themselves. Call 706-962-3524 or visit facebook.com/PFLAGAugusta.

The Augusta Furies Women’s Rugby Football Club

Outspokin’ Bicycles Group Rides

Fri Dec 11, 2015

Club practices 6-8 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays at Julian Smith Casino for players 18 and up. Email augusta. furies@gmail.com or visit augustafuries.org.

Chain Reaction Group Rides Rides include Tuesdays at 6 p.m.; Thursdays at 6 p.m.; Saturdays at 8 a.m.; and Sundays at 1:30 p.m. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net.

Augusta Disc Golf Association Leagues Meet Thursdays at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta and Mondays at 6 p.m. at Lake Olmstead. Entry fee for each, $5; ace pool, $1. Call 803-215-8181 (North Augusta), 706-833-4263 (Lake Olmstead) or visit augustadiscgolf.com. 28 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Rides include Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 6 p.m., as well as Saturdays and Sundays at 9 a.m. Water and helmet required. Call 706-736-2486 or visit outspokinaugusta.com.

BlazeSports Swim team Wilson Family Y’s Katie’s Pool For all ages of physically challenged swimmers who want to train for competition. Members, $30 a month; non-members, $40 a month. Call 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org.

10:30am Mended Hearts USCA Business Conference Center For patients of heart disease as well as family, friends and medical professionals. Call 803-648-2381.

Mon Dec 14, 2015

6pm Pink Magnolias Breast Cancer Support Group University’s Breast Health Center Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

Thu Dec 10, 2015

6:30pm Men’s Breast Cancer Support Group University’s Breast Health Center Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

GRU Cancer Center Call 706-721-5221 or visit grhealth.org/classes.

Tue Dec 15, 2015

SUPPORT 12:30pm Breast Cancer Support Group

7pm Celiac Disease Support Group 10DECEMBER2015

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Trinity Hospital Open to anyone who has celiac disease, is gluten intolerant or on a gluten-free diet. Call 706-738-8253

Adult Sexual Assault and Rape Support Group

An Enopion Theatre Company production. Call 706-771-7777 or visit dinnerwitheli.com.

Noon Trauma Support Group

Provides group counseling at University Hospital for those who have experienced sexual assault, incest, rape or childhood sexual abuse. Call 706-724-5200 or visit universityhealth.org.

GRU Medical Center room 4069 Call 706-721-0278 or visit grhealth.org/classes.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Aiken Community Playhouse An Aiken Community Playhouse production. $25; $20, seniors; $15, students and $10, children 12 and under. Call 803-648-1438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse.com.

Holds several meetings locally. For a current schedule, visit augustaaa.org/meetings.pdf.

8pm “A Christmas Carol: The Musical”

Narcotics Anonymous

Imperial Theatre An Augusta Players production. $28-$46. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

Ongoing

TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) GA, 110 Augusta St. Alban’s Episcopal Church fellowship hall The group meets Mondays, with weighin beginning at 5:15 p.m. and the meeting beginning at 6:30 p.m. Call 706-790-0391 or visit tops.org.

TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) Pine View Baptist Church The group meets Tuesdays, with weigh-in beginning at 4:45 p.m. and the meeting beginning at 5:15 p.m. Call 706-868-0539 or visit tops.org.

La Leche League

Trinity Hospital of Augusta Meets Fridays at 7:30 p.m. and Sundays at 7 p.m. Visit na.org.

Beyond the Bars A support group for those with incarcerated loved ones. Call 706-855-8636.

Families Who Have Lost a Baby Support Group

Sun Dec 13, 2015

Blood Cancer/BMT Support Group

7pm “Eli’s Bethlehem Inn” Kroc Center An Enopion Theatre Company production. Call 706-771-7777 or visit dinnerwitheli.com.

GRU Cancer Center Meets the third Wednesday of each month. Call 706-721-1634 or visit grhealth.org

Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Celebrate Recovery

Fri Dec 11, 2015

Diabetes Youth Support Group Meets quarterly. Call for more information. Call 706-868-3241.

Overeaters Anonymous Meets at St. Andrews Presbyterian Church at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesdays, at 7 p.m. Thursdays at Unity Church, and at Covenant Presbyterian Church at 1:30 p.m. on Saturdays. Call 706-863-9534 or email oa.augusta.recovery@gmail.com. 10DECEMBER2015

8pm “The Seafarer”

THEATER

7:30pm “Jersey Boys”

Children’s Hospital of Georgia For patients, family members and caregivers, this program meets the second and fourth Wednesday of each month. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-5160 or email nawilliams@gru.edu.

Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

For more information, call 706-721-8299 or visit grhealth.org.

A breastfeeding support group. For more information on meeting dates, times and locations, visit them on Facebook under La Leche League of Augusta or at lllaugusta. wordpress.com.

Write to Heal Creative Writing Program

8pm “Jersey Boys”

Le Chat Noir An unconventional Christmas drama staged by Le Chat Noir. $25. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Thu Dec 10, 2015

Journey Community Church This Christ-centered recovery program meets every Monday night at 7 p.m. The meetings last two hours and childcare is provided. Pre-registration suggested. Visit cr@journeycommunity.net.

7:30pm “Fruitcakes”

7:30pm “Fruitcakes” Aiken Community Playhouse An Aiken Community Playhouse production. $25; $20, seniors; $15, students and $10, children 12 and under. Call 803-648-1438 or visit aikencommunityplayhouse.com.

8pm “Jersey Boys” Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

1pm “Jersey Boys”

Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

A presentation of Porkchop Productions and the Augusta University Literacy Center. $3; $2 per person, groups of 15 or more. Call 706-737-1625 or visit gru.edu.

Thu Dec 17, 2015

7pm “Eli’s Bethlehem Inn” Kroc Center An Enopion Theatre Company production. Call 706-771-7777 or visit dinnerwitheli.com.

8pm “The Seafarer” Le Chat Noir An unconventional Christmas drama staged by Le Chat Noir. $25. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Ongoing

Quickies Short Play Festival 2016 Seeking Submissions Le Chat Noir is seeking original scripts by local authors that are shorts from 5-15 pages and one acts that are 15-30 pages. No monologues or scripts over 30 pages will be considered, but organizers are open to all styles and genres, including those with adult language and situations. The deadline for submission is December 31. Call 706722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

3pm “A Christmas Carol: The Musical” Imperial Theatre An Augusta Players production. $28-$46. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com.

7pm “Jersey Boys” Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Wed Dec 16, 2015

10am “Holly and the Secret Santa” Maxwell Theatre

MARKETPLACE

8pm “The Seafarer” Le Chat Noir An unconventional Christmas drama staged by Le Chat Noir. $25. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

Sat Dec 12, 2015 2pm “Jersey Boys”

Bell Auditorium $43-$92. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

6pm “Eli’s Bethlehem Inn” Kroc Center

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EMAIL JOE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM OR CALL

(706)373-3636

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Country Club - Blackjack Billy Coyotes - Kane Brown The Snug - Holiday Jazz w/ Bill Karp Southbound Smokehouse - Cranford Hollow Wild Wing - Tim Cadiere & the Washboard Road Band The Willcox (Aiken) - Jon Vaughn

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s - DJ Nicky B Helga’s Pub & Grille - Bluegrass Brunch (11 a.m.-3 p.m.); Trivia, nights Joe’s Underground - Comedy Show/Open Mic Night Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Shannon’s - Christmas Party Sky City - Santacon Pub Crawl Dance Party Somewhere in Augusta - UFC 194 Vera Cruz Mexican Restaurant - Karaoke w/ Denny van Valkenburgh

Sunday, December 13 Live Music

Wild Wing - Kolbeck The Willcox (Aiken) - Jon Vaughn

What’s Tonight?

Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane

Monday, December 14 Live Music

Metro Coffeehouse & Pub - Blues Monday w/ Famous Last Words

What’s Tonight? Among the many recently announced concerts coming to Augusta, one of the more interesting ones is Col. Bruce Hampton, who will visit Sky City Saturday, February 20. Col. Bruce, who has been making music since the 1960s, is also an actor, magician and artist who is often described as a surrealist. He’s been a part of nearly 10 bands, most notably Aquarium Rescue Unit, and is often credited with helping start the jam band genre. He’s a character, that’s for sure, and you may go in to this show not quite sure what you’re going to see. Whatever it turns out to be, however, we know one thing: It won’t be boring. Doors open at 8 p.m. for the show, which should start around 10 p.m. Tickets for the 21 and over show are $10. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

Thursday, December 10 Live Music

Edgar’s Grille - Smooth Jazz Thursdays Mellow Mushroom (Aiken) - Preston & Weston Mellow Mushroom (Downtown) - Mike Baidame Mellow Mushroom (Evans) - Scarlet Begonias Wild Wing - Dave Love The Willcox (Aiken) - Thursday Jazz

What’s Tonight?

Andrew’s Place - Karaoke with April Powell Bar West - Open Mic Night w/ Jonathon Flowers Chevy’s - Karaoke Cotton Patch - Old School Thursday w/ DJ Groove Coyotes - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Trivia, Soup and Suds Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Joe’s Underground - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke MAD Studios - Open Mic, Spoken Word Pizza Joint (Downtown) - Trivia w/ Kris Fisher Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Sky City - Bring Your Own Vinyl Somewhere in Augusta - Karaoke

Friday, December 11 Live Music

@ the Turn at Whole Foods - Adam Harris Thompson Cotton Patch - A Step Up Country Club - Chris Bandi Coyotes - Southern Meltdown Doubletree - Live Jazz Laura’s Backyard Tavern - John Berret’s LaRoxes Metro Coffeehouse & Pub - Kenny George Band Rose Hill Estate (Aiken) - Gavin Reily Shannon’s - Atomic Road Sky City - The Honeycutters Somewhere in Augusta - Donna Jo Speakeasy and Eats (Aiken) - Mike Frost and Lauren Meccia Stillwater Taproom - Adam Harris Thompson That Place - Chris Hardy Tin Lizzy’s - Barefoot Reggie Starrett Wild Wing - Clay Page Band

What’s Tonight?

Chevy’s - DJ Nicky B Vera Cruz Mexican Restaurant - Karaoke w/ Denny van Valkenburgh

Saturday, December 12 Live Music

The Augusta Market - Saturday Morning Jazz

30 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

Joe’s Underground - Poker Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - World Tavern Poker Wild Wing - Trivia

Tuesday, December 15 Live Music

Joe’s Underground - Open Mic Surrey Tavern - Piano Bar Night The Willcox (Aiken) - Hal Shreck

What’s Tonight?

Bar West - Trivia The Cotton Patch - Trivia Limelite Cafe - Bottom’s Up Karaoke Shannon’s - Karaoke w/ David Doane Somewhere in Augusta - Big Prize Trivia; Poker for Fun

Wednesday, December 16 Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night MAD Studios - Steve Everett Shannon’s - Shameless Dave Wild Wing - Sabo & Dave

What’s Tonight?

Bar West - Karaoke Chevy’s - Karaoke Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke The Playground - Krazy Karaoke w/ Big Troy Polo Tavern (Aiken) - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Sky City - DJ Knightmare Somewhere in Augusta - The Comedy Zone w/ Paul Strickland and Chris Buck Stillwater Taproom - Pub Quiz 10DECEMBER2015

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Surrey tavern - Trivia w/ Christian and Mickey three Dollar Lounge - World Poker Tournament

Elsewhere

Indigo Girls

trombone Shorty and orleans avenue

- Terminal West, Atlanta January 3

- Georgia Theatre, Athens December 12

Jackson Browne

- Variety Playhouse, Atlanta December 13

- Johnny Mercer Theatre, Savannah January 14

Kid Cudi

Waka Flocka Flame

- The Tabernacle, Atlanta December 13

- Georgia Theatre, Athens January 15

michael mcDonald

Grace Potter

- Symphony Hall, Atlanta December 14

- The Tabernacle, Atlanta January 16

the Weeknd

Lamb of God, anthrax

- Philips Arena, Atlanta December 15

- The Tabernacle, Atlanta January 19

matisyahu

madonna

- Variety Playhouse, Atlanta December 15

- Philips Arena, Atlanta January 20 reverend horton heat

Fantasia, Lyfe Jennings

Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, Fifth harmony, Shawn mendes

- Bell Auditorium January 3

- Philips Arena, Atlanta December 17

Billy Gibbons

awolnation

- Variety Playhouse, Atlanta January 23

- The Tabernacle, Atlanta December 17

art Garfunkel

Eddie Izzard

- Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta January 29

- Classic Center Theatre, Athens, December 17

macklemore & ryan Lewis

Upcoming asleep at the Wheel

- Imperial Theatre December 18 the Kodiak Brotherhood

- Stillwater Taproom December 18 michael Baidame and Phillip Lee Jr.

- Stillwater Taproom December 19 Sibling String

- Stillwater Taproom December 31 Delia mae

- Imperial Theatre January 15 tedeschi trucks Band

- Bell Auditorium January 19 Jucifer

- Sky City January 19 Brantley Gilbert

- James Brown Arena February 4 The Fairfield Four and the McCrary Sisters

- Imperial Theatre February 12 r5

- Bell Auditorium February 16 Colonel Bruce hampton

- Sky City February 20 the major rager w/ Umphrey’s mcGee, the revivalists, Earphunk and tauk

- Augusta Common April 7 David Feherty

a John Waters Christmas

- Terminal West, Atlanta January 21

REAL PEOPLE REAL DESIRE REAL FUN.

- Fox Theatre, Atlanta January 29

the oak ridge Boys Christmas Show

- Philips Arena, Atlanta December 22 Widespread Panic

- Fox Theatre, Atlanta December 29-31 Gregg allman

- Symphony Hall, Atlanta December 30-31

Try FREE: 706-434-0108 More Local Numbers: 1-800-926-6000 Ahora español Livelinks.com 18+

the revivalists

- Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta December 31 Delbert mcClinton

- Variety Playhouse, Atlanta January 2

- Bell Auditorium April 7

Meet sexy new friends

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706-434-0112

Smart Move So the follow up to last week’s “I hate to see him go, but I get it” column is a message to the new coach of the Georgia Bulldog football team. A message that he will surely never read, but I’m writing it anyway. CoaCh Smart: Welcome home! Congratulations on your dream job coaching the team for which you once played in your home state. There are a lot of people excited about your arrival, including myself. But my excitement comes with a bit of hesitation. I’m also a Falcons fan who was excited about the arrival of coach Dan Quinn and you see where that has gotten me. However, your resume is quite impressive. It includes three national titles at Alabama. Which brings me to my next point… As a Georgia alum and former player, you’re aware of the team’s plight on national championships. At this point, the entire country is aware. The school fired the coach with the highest winning percentage ever because of that one game: The national championship game. Not because they lost, but because they can never seem to get there. Never mind that Coach Richt is one of the most respected coaches in the country and that his graduation rate is tied with Vandy for the highest in the SEC (at 82 percent in 2013). Trophies, Kirb, we want trophies. Can I call you Kirb? Y’see, Kirb… Georgia’s lack of “sealing the deal,” so to speak, isn’t just a Bulldog thing. It’s also a Falcon thing, a Hawks thing, a Braves thing and so on. Yeah, the Braves won a Series in the ‘90s, but since then they have joined the ranks of the rest of the Georgia sports teams in choking when it matters most. The Atlanta Hawks consistently choke in the post season, the Falcons’ post-season choking problems are widely known. Even the Yellow Jackets’ national championship is tainted with having to share it, which helped birth the Bowl Championship Series… 10DECEMBER2015

and we all know how that turned out! Maybe we’re all just a little too greedy, what with all this wanting to contend with other powerhouse teams and all. To be honest, I do feel a little forward expecting so much from my sports teams. Especially since my wife is a Cleveland fan. The Browns haven’t even played in a Super Bowl ever. The Indians, well they lost the World Series that time I mentioned before, when the Braves won. And the Cavaliers can’t even win the big one with the world’s greatest basketball player on their team. However, she’s also an Ohio State fan… and there’s where the problem is: I’m tired of hearing their $#!+! I, along with thousands of other Georgia sports fans are tired of being the “other” team on the highlight reel, the champions’ Washington Generals, the uninvited to the debutante ball. And that’s why you’re here. Not to put any pressure on you or anything, but you’re Georgia’s key to victory. You’re the closest we could get to bringing Saban here since there’s no way we could get him. You’re the most popular guy at the party. We’re all just hoping you brought the Natty with you.

KrIS FISHER,Kris Fisher is the midday host and program director for HD98.3 and an Augusta radio staple. He is a husband, father of three and lover of all things adventurous, as well as activities most people would have outgrown years ago. djkfish.com.

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SIGHTINGS

Michael Johnson | mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Dylan and Moriah Langston with Pamela Soto at the Happy Parade downtown.

Jessica Christian, Raven Acosta, Leonard Porkchop Zimmerman and MJ Poff at the Happy Parade downtown.

Allie Brackett, Jessica Carroll and Ashlee Henry at the Happy Parade downtown.

Henry and Priscilla Bennett with Danita Holloman at the Iconic Gallery Opening at 600 Broad Street.

Bill West, Wycliffe Gordon and Donelle West at Augusta University.

Natalie Barnwell, John Hoff and Gloria Escalante at Craft & Vine.

Savanna Fisher with Gregger and Stewart Baskins at the Iconic Gallery Opening at 600 Broad Street.

Josh Barnes, Theaodore Duzanski and Katherine Coull at The Nutcracker at the Imperial Theatre.

Kari, Audrey and Greg Baker at The Nutcracker at the Imperial Theatre.

32 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

10DECEMBER2015

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FOUR-LETTER WORDS By Alex Vratsanos / Edited by Will Shortz 98 Subj. for Bloomberg News ACROSS 99 Puts in stitches, say 1 Key word #1 100 Food that’s an anagram of 5 Plants with intoxicating leaves 98-Across 10 Mosque no-no 101 Washing the dishes, e.g. 15 Key word #2 103 Plantation device 19 Bon ____ 105 Subj. with many irregularities 20 Songwriter Carmichael 106 Shabby 21 Minor snafu 108 Sound in “Eleanor Rigby” and 22 Capital known for 300 years as “Yesterday” Christiania 110 Disdainful sounds 23 Ill-fated seducer in “Tess of the 113 “Little” visitor to Slumberland, in old D’Urbervilles” comics 24 1-Across + 15-Across 114 122-Across + 125-Across 26 Erupt 117 Holder of small doses 27 What a driverless car drives 118 Former British crown colony in the 29 Pageant V.I.P.s Mideast 30 Like some soldiers in the American 119 TurboTax option Revolution 120 As old as the hills 32 Farmyard call 121 Petro-Canada competitor 33 You may leave when it’s up 122 Key word #3 34 Endnotes? 123 Looking for 35 Portland, Ore.-to-Boise dir. 124 Go well together 36 Egg producer 125 Key word #4 38 The “e” of i.e. 39 ____ Olshansky, first Soviet-born DOWN N.F.L. player 1 California resort town 41 Villainous 2 V, in physics 43 1-Across + 122-Across 3 1997 Samuel L. Jackson film 48 Workers on the board 4 Pilaflike product 49 It covers everything quite clearly 50 Decepticon’s foe in “Transformers” 5 Pot user? 6 Tic-tac-toe failure 54 Sewing case 7 “Understand?” 55 Clio nominees 8 Fellow students, generally 57 S.U.V. alternative 9 Brings together 59 Moolah 10 “Hook” role 60 Bench warmer 11 Successes in the game Battleship 62 Final Four round 64 ____ cards (items used in ESP tests) 12 Sister brand of Phisoderm 13 Elation 65 1-Across + 125-Across 14 It helps you get ahead 70 15-Across + 122-Across 15 Pardner’s mount 72 Acronym on the S&P 500 16 Glimpses 73 Galileo, by birth 17 Orioles’ div. 75 Take off, as a heavy coat? 18 He played Chaplin in “Chaplin” 76 Venice tourist attraction 25 Date 78 S.U.V. alternative 28 QB Bobby who purportedly put a 80 Golfer Ernie curse on the Detroit Lions 81 Acted like 31 Germophobe’s need 85 Goldeneye or harlequin 33 Doesn’t pursue 87 Paul who won a Nobel in Physics 34 Mustard, but not ketchup: Abbr. 89 1962 Paul Anka hit 36 Stage prize 91 15-Across + 125-Across 37 Old TV adjustment: Abbr. 94 Coat fur 39 Radiologist, e.g. 97 Ammonium and others

40 Biological blueprints 42 Makes up (for) 44 Lucius’s son, in Harry Potter 45 Fancy marble 46 Fidelity offerings, for short 47 Political insults, so to speak 51 Uncle ____ 52 Hershiser who was Sports Illustrated’s 1988 Sportsman of the Year 53 Major ally? 56 Islamic mystics 58 Place for a bust 60 Figurine 61 Stemming from 63 Archenemy of Mattel’s He-Man 65 General interests? 66 Author Wiesel 67 Tournament organizer since ’39 68 “Ha! I was right!” 69 Says, “Read you loud and clear … over,” say 71 Rope in 74 Informer, informally 77 South American tuber 79 Recharge midday 81 Sandpaper and such 82 Creatures that may live inside oysters – hence the name 83 Cable’s ____ Classic 84 Springfield exclamations 86 Male lead in Disney’s “Frozen” 88 Messy food order at a carnival 90 Witty Nash 92 ____ choy 93 Common wedding- reception feature 94 Kind of column 95 “Holy ____!” 96 J. Paul Getty and others 102 Literally, “breathless” 103 [You stink!] 104 Ho hi 107 Beast on Skull Island, informally 108 Low-lying area 109 Robert who oversaw the acquisitions of Pixar, Marvel and Lucasfilm 110 Ophthalmologist’s concern 111 Burkina ____ (African land) 112 Vending machine feature 115 Small songbird 116 Burns’s “before”

39 45

80 88

81 89

102

103 108

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122

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A I R G A U G E

112

105

119

W H A T S I T

111

104

118

M A N C A L A

114

S P O T T E R

113

B A N S A T I

64 71

79 87

107

97 101

106

100

59 63

74 78

91 95

58 62

26 30

28 32

115

116

117

PREVIOUS PUZZLE ANSWERS L I M P

I M U P

M A R I N O K E L I S Y X M A P S I W C E A R N M I D C C A H M A L M A L M T E E T I R E S

P L A N A

H A V E A G A S O M E R T A

L S E I T G P N O B S I R N E Z T E E D N S D E S A I N S O T A M O V I N I C A D R R O O L P L

I M A G O

B E S E T S

D C A U N P A S P R I G D U M A

T H U T A R G E T

I R K S

D I E T P H O I P N D E I D U T I A M B E R A R M E E S C S E S

O H I L A R D R I S A S A A R W M E T S O H S W E E A M T H R O T A H N A L E E L A Y A E D S S C I D O C U R L S N O O C A R E L E D D

P R O M S

H I T A W A A L L L O U G O O D I F O O N R

O V E R A L L S

P E R A T I O

H O N E S T Y

T H E N O S E

K I V A

R C O U T E S

E B A Y

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THE EIGHT

BOX TOPS Krampus does better than expected, but still can’t knock Katniss off the top spot. RANK

TITLES

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY...

$18,857,547

$227,369,547

KRAMPUS

$16,293,325

THE GOOD DINOSAUR

$15,323,958

$75,763,488

CREED

$14,989,303

$64,586,859

SPECTRE

$5,523,358

$184,618,701

In Theaters December 11

ACTION THRILLER DRAMA “In the Heart of the Sea,” rated PG-13, starring Chris “Legend,” rated R, starring Tom Hardy, Emily Browning. In “The Big Short,” rated R, starring Christian Bale, Steve Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson. Did you know that Herman Melville was inspired by an actual event when he dreamed up the idea for “Moby Dick?” We didn’t either. Apparently Ron Howard did, and he decided to enlist Thor’s help in telling the story of the crew of the Essex who, in 1820, were attacked by an unusually huge whale intent (they said) on killing them all. Instead, the crew ended up stranded for 90 days, and it’s the aftermath of the attack that Howard is so interested in filming. And it’s interesting that nobody’s showing or telling anything about this portion of the movie. We suspect it’s because it probably swerves into “Alive” territory, depicting what the crew has to resort to for survival’s sake. Don’t do it, Thor! 36 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

a performance sure to bait Oscar voters into nominating him, Tom Hardy plays both Reggie and Ronnie Kray, two of England’s most notorious gangsters. One twin appears to be the brains, while the other is the brawn, but that’s really all we know about this tale set in the 1960s.

Carell, Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt, Marisa Tomei, Max Greenfield, Melissa Leo. The trailer reminds us of “Oceans 11,” with every star imaginable showing up for director Adam McKay’s (“Anchorman”) darkly comic look at some outsiders who decided to take on the big banks because they saw the imminent credit and housing bubble collapse coming. Is it worth going to see because of Steve Carell’s terrible wig and constipated look? Maybe, maybe not; we’ll take our chances.

10DECEMBER2015

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| cmaaugusta.com

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Time for Today’s Militia to Saddle Up IT IS BEYOND TIME for American politicians to fully embrace and encourage the recognition of the Second Amendment as the unabridged, universal right of qualified Americans to possess reasonable arms, from coast to coast at all times, with only very rare and special exceptions. Recent headlines have brought us the disturbing news from red states, blue states, urban centers and rural communities alike. Peaceful citizens are increasingly under attack in public places by enemy gunfire, foreign and domestic, sometimes representing political extremes, and sometimes just plain crazy. One sad common denominator when it comes to the victims; none of them ever shot back. As irrational and disturbed as a few of the killers were in places like Charleston, S.C., and Roseburg Ore., they seemed to be bright enough to know they were far better off striking in a location where private gun possession was either very unusual or outright banned. (Ironically, Umpqua Community College in Roseburg is not technically a gun free zone, but there were signs everywhere declaring it to be so.) The San Bernardino attack of last week was executed by two astute intellects, who knew very well that unless they happened up by accident on a random patrol officer, that their chosen hunting ground was going to be populated by dozens of human targets specifically forbidden by their employer to carry firearms while on the clock, all gathered in a building that was declared a gun free zone. Posted signs declaring a gun free zone are great for rendering law-abiding citizens helpless in a time of crisis, and they tend to act as a dinner bell for killers looking for an easy massacre. Employers who forbid personal gun possession, even for those who are trained and certified, also sweeten the pot. For bad guys this is what we call a winwin. What a perfect place for psychotic jihad. Shannon Johnson was a victim in the San Bernardino massacre. As a former local high school student and eventual Augusta State baseball player, he was well known among many in our hometown as a wonderful man, and a great friend. To his 27-yearold co-worker, Denise Peraza, he was nothing short of a miracle in human form: Wednesday morning at 10:55 a.m. we were seated next to each other at a table, joking about how we thought the large clock on the wall might be broken because time seemed to be moving so slowly. I would have never guessed that only 5 minutes later, we would be huddled next to each other under the same table, using a fallen chair as a shield from over 60 rounds of bullets being fired across the room. While I cannot recall every single second that played out that morning, I will always remember his left arm wrapped around me, holding me as close as possible next to him behind that chair. And amidst all the chaos, I’ll always remember him saying these three words, “I got you.” I believe I am still here today because of this amazing man. This amazing, selfless man who always brought a smile to everyone’s face in the office with his lively stories about his hometown back in Georgia. This is Shannon Johnson, who will be deeply missed by all. This is Shannon Johnson. My friend, my hero.” Nothing will ever convince me that a man like that, if he had the time, would not have reached for a weapon and used it to defend his friends. There were others nearby that did have the time to act, just not the tools. Two men hid in a bathroom, where they had been when the shooting started. They successfully blocked the door and prevented the killers from entering. Other close by hid in closets, under desks and escaped through windows. Estimates vary as to how many people were within 100 yards of this attack and heard the shots when they began, but clearly it was in excess of 100 people. None of them had a firearm, by design and by rule.

38 METROSPIRIT AUGUSTA’S INDEPENDENT VOICE SINCE 1989

The motivations of the San Bernardino terrorists, and the gaps in national security that allowed these two to go unnoticed as they stockpiled weapons and bombs, are being debated all over the place. Not here. I am all about solutions to the problems these criminals, and others like them, pose to innocent souls everywhere. The Second Amendment uses a term that is largely misunderstood and misused in the current discussion: militia. Let me clarify that once and for all, with an assist from Collins English Dictionary, the definition of the term: “1. (Military) a body of citizen (as opposed to professional) soldiers, 2. (Military) an organization containing men enlisted for service in emergency only.” Cops and soldiers cannot be everywhere, at all times. But if enough properly trained, armed civilians were peppered among the American population, how much terrorism and, for that matter, garden variety criminal activity, could be reduced or eliminated? I am not saying that handguns should be handed out on street corners, but at the federal level, our leaders should establish a training program that allows vetted and closely tracked civilians the ability to a carry a concealed weapon virtually everywhere they go, with limited and rare exceptions. These would be modern “minutemen” who would never be dispatched to the scene of a disturbance, but who could be ready to render aid in the event a disturbance develops in their midst. We have enough well-trained responders who have the ﬁrepower and tactical knowledge to handle any situation once they arrive. What we need are prepared civilians who make the proposition of a bad guy launching a successful mass attack far more difficult than the current rules allow. It is tragically apparent that the status quo enables the killers, and does not hinder them. Ask that the “New Minutemen” pay for their own training and hardware, and monitor their behavior as you would any law enforcement officer. If they get out of line, commit a crime or are deemed mentally ill pull the plug. Pronto. It is time for American civilians to stand up and protect what is ours. It is time for the feds to get out of the way so we can do it.

AUSTIN RHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

10DECEMBER2015

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