SIMON SAYS

Learning to drive

by Simon Hastelow

I recently saw a clip of a young girl driving a tractor, I’m guessing on her family’s farm - the caption stated that she was 12 years old. All pretty normal, you’d think, for a farm-girl, but the comments online would suggest otherwise.

I know it’s always advisable to stay well clear of the comments on social media, this is where the keyboard warriors hang out spewing their bile on to anything and everything, but I was going to comment myself until I saw some of the ridiculous complaints about:

- how irresponsible her parents were

- how she’d be a danger on the roads how she’d be uninsured, etc., etc...

None of which were relevant at all for someone driving on private land, but the mouth-breathers can’t help themselves.

I also learned to drive on a tractor.

Back in the early 80s my parents bought a bit of very rough land next to their house, it was useless for anything, and only weeds grew on it, but my dad had a plan to flatten and cultivate it.

Obviously he bought a tractor, which also became the first vehicle I drove, a couple of years before I got into anything road-going.

It was perfectly safe, probably the slowest thing I could have driven at the time, but it gave me a good introduction to driving, although I do remember getting a telling off a time or two for only focussing on the wheels and where they were sitting in the ruts. Shortly after that he also bought a small dump truck to help move the rubble and other detritus around. That was an experience in itself as it was rear-wheel-steer, and you definitely cannot see the where the front wheels are as there’s a small skip in the way.

Anyway over a couple of years my parents turned this ⅓ acre plot into an orchard and vegetable patch, and that tractor was indispensable. Not that it helped my driving, I failed my first test due to ‘over confidence’!

I have completed several driving courses over the years, both on- and off-road, and I’m not sure if my driving has improved, stayed the same or got worse?

We all think we’re the best driver in the world, but I’m sure I’m quite a way off claiming that.

Most recently I had to complete an annual driving assessment as part of an employer’s requirements for having a company car. I failed the first one, much to my absolute horror, the ‘examiner’ pointed out my bad habits, and also a few ‘differences’ in the way I was taught, to how drivers are taught now.

Until that point I wasn’t aware that there was a newer way to teach people how to drive, but I listened, just long enough to get my pass certificate.

A couple of years ago I also had a race-track driving session in the newly launched Porsche Cayenne. My lap time was about 4½ minutes. My instructor did it in the same car in 1min 50sec! It was an interesting experience, but my main takeaway from it was that tracksessions are not my thing.

Then there’s the myriad off-road driving and recovery sessions I’ve had over the years.

I should be an expert off road!

I’m probably not, even though I have a City & Guilds certificate to say that I can point a 4x4 around a track, but every session I’ve had with an instructor has been different.

When I first bought a Defender 110 I booked in to a 2 day driving and recovery course with David Bowyer down in Devon. This course was very interesting and comprehensive, and for years I advised anyone who would listen that they should do the same thing, but when I take a new SUV around a track I can honestly say that almost nothing I was taught still applies to modern 4x4s.

Matching engine revs to the correct gear for a steep ascent is largely redundant, almost every 4x4 now has a simple button or dial to select the mode, all you do is point the car in the right direction. I’d hate to see how someone would cope with an old Series III or tractor around a farm if all they’ve ever driven is a new Discovery or Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Transferrable skills seem to have been made redundant in both directions - old-to-new and new-to-old, but I am glad that I’ve been taught the correct way to drive both kinds, whether I listened to any of it properly is up for debate.