THE TALES OF LILLY, the Mud Life Dog

Naughty & Nice

by Karen Lee Turner

After gushing last month about Lilly's improvements, you'd think that this month all would be good, but not quite.

We'll get to the 'not quite' bit later, but I will start with the nice side...

As you know if you've been following her tales we got Lilly last August, and apart from going on cinema trips, shopping or green laning mooches for up to about four hours, we haven't left her, but this month we had a dilemma....well actually two.

First up we had a two day combination trip of an Expo at the NEC in Birmingham followed by SMMT's big motoring industry event down south at Millbrook Proving Grounds.

Then in the middle of the month Kia had invited both Damian and I on a swanky overnight stay where we would be fed and watered for free. Usually it's just Damian that gets the good invites, and I get to be envious of his posh bedrooms, 4 course meals and ever-flowing drinks, so I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity, but as I said, now we had a dilemma - who would look after Lilly?

As we haven't booked any hoildays for this year finding a suitable dog sitter or kennels had not been top of our list, and instead of rushing to find one we grovelled to my Mum, asking if she'd have Lilly for the two day/one night event. I was reasonably sure she'd say yes as her and Lilly get on, and I knew she'd looked after my sister's two dogs a couple of weeks before, so she couldn't really deny me (love you Mum).

We don't have children, so I wasn't prepared for my reaction; I suddenly became an anxious parent.

- Would Lilly cope being away from the love of her life (not me, she's a total Daddy's girl)?

- Would she fret and panic?

- Would she get out of Mum's well enclosed garden, and go chase sheep in the field opposite?

- Would her whippy tail break Mum's ornaments?

- Would her ability to pull an 18 stone bloke around mean she'd pull my, less than half that weight, Mum over?

We decided that we should try a test run for a day, but time got by us, and suddenly it was time to leave. We headed up to Mum's first thing in the morning, with a boot full of Lilly's bed, toys, bowls, two fleece throws, food and treats, and I was armed with a sheet of A4 containing her usual routine of walks and food times, and our vets details.

I know it's my Mum, the woman who managed to keep me alive and in relatively good health (there were quite a few stitches) for most of my childhood, and I know Lilly is generally a good girl, but that didn't stop me fretting about how they both would cope.

It took us both a few minutes to actually leave, and when Lilly ran and stood on my Mum's window sill, staring out of the window at us both with a forlorn look, my heart did a little wobble.

Over the next day and a half we did occasionally wonder if all was OK, but I resisted the urge to ring and check like one of those helicopter parents, knowing Mum would ring if there were any issues.

We needn't have worried at all. Yes she had a bit of a fret for a few minutes when we left, then Mum said she just hopped onto the chair I'd covered with her fleece and promptly went to sleep. On our return she greeted us like we'd been gone forE-V-E-R, and once home she settled in like normal.

Though all was not perfect, she did come home with small cut on her inside leg from naughtily digging up my Mum's flower bed (oops), but like me and my childhood stitches, after a couple of days she was right as rain.

Mum agreed to have her again for the Kia do, so apart from the digging incident she must've been a pretty good girl.

Now for the naughty bit....

As I said Lilly's training off lead has been progressing well. She's let off to play with her doggie pals in the park, and she happily bombs around like a hound possessed.

We've also started to let her off on in a few more places in the park, where she delights in running towards the fat pigeons sunbathing on the grass, or rolling around in fox poo like she's having an orgasmic fit, and she is getting good at coming back when called.

That is until the day she didn't.

Armed with the dog whistle and a pocket full of treats and bolstered by her good behaviour I took Lilly for walk and decided to trust her with a bit of off lead work.

We headed to her usual trails, and once I knew there was no-one about that would distract her I unclipped the lead. She trotted off to approximately ten feet in front of me, and was happily exploring, so we carried on and she kept the same distance.

She came back when I called, and all was good, then about five minutes later we reached the bottom bit of the park, and suddenly something caught her eye (they are called sighthounds for a reason), and she was off into the undergrowth like a rocket.

Now I wasn't overly concerned as she has done this before and come back about 30 seconds later looking happy and knackered, so I waited. After about a minute I was getting concerned so I blew the whistle, and waited.

Ta Dah! I spotted her heading back to me just about 30 feet away, and relief washed over me, but that relief was short lived, as something else caught her attention and she vanished again.

I stood calmly for another 30 seconds or so, and then blew the whistle again.

Nothing....Tumbleweed....Whistle....Nothing....Calling.... More tumbleweed....More whistles followed by deafening silence.... More calling....Nothing....No sign.

Now I was getting concerned, so headed up the hill to the second path which was coincided with the trajectory of her run. More whistles, and ever more frantic calling, and still no sign.

I'm now imagining the worst - someone has run off with her, she's impaled herself on a twig, she's fallen and broken something and because it's a forested park I might never find her.

I crossed paths with another dog owner and set the 'have you seen my dog' tom toms into action. By now panic was setting in, and I didn't know what to do.

Do I stay put and wait for her to find her way back to me?

Do I go towards home hoping she knows the trail well enough for her to get home?

Damian had been away for the day green laning, but I figured he wouldn't be too far away so I rang him. My opening words were "How far away are you? I've lost Lilly!"

He was actually over an hour away, so my inner drama queen was unleashed, and I had a mini-meltdown on the phone. Luckily Damian is a counsellor, and used to dealing with people's overly-emotional outbursts. He calmed me down and encouraged me to stay put and keep calling Lilly. I ended the call, and waited.

Unbeknownst to me he then called in the troops - his Dad to get him to join me in the hunt, and my neighbour Maria to see if Lilly had made it back home. Maria wasn't actually in her house, but she wasn't far away so she jumped in her car and headed home (what a star!) to see.

At this point I was slowly losing it. It had been about 30 minutes or more since I last spotted her, and I was heading into fully fledged mess territory. I decided to head to another trail that lead to the 5-a-side footy fields that she liked to walk around.

Half way up, my phone rang and it was Damian's Dad. Lilly was with Maria, yes the little b*tch had wandered home (thankfully there are no roads she has to cross to get home).

Luckily for Lilly it took me about seven minutes to get home, which allowed me time to go from relief, to threatening to never let her out of the house ever again, back to relief.

I got home and she ran into my arms as happy as bloody Larry (I don't know who Larry is, but he must be one truly ecstatic person), at which point I announced "She is grounded for LIFE," and told her she is never ever being let off the lead with me again!

This may sound harsh, but I do not want to be found by joggers after having a heart attack over a little b*tch that fancied an exciting solo excursion.

I remember people saying "Get a dog, you'll have fun.", but what they really should have said is "Get a dog, you'll freak out at every limp, cough and vanishing act, oh and by the way you'll never be able to go to the loo in piece again."

Roll on next month, this one has been way too stressful!

I can't scold Lilly for having an adventure, so this photo is my version of revenge. Look at that totally derpy mush!