Off the wall

from January-February 2019

diversi ns A Little Math

The Bedroom Stakes

The horses are lining up for the first running of the Bedroom Stakes. On the rail is #1, Passionate Lady, followed by #2, Bare Belly, #3 Silk Panties, #4 Conscience and #5, Jockey Shorts. #6 is pulling in now – Clean Sheets. Thighs is the #7 horse. There’s #8 - Big Johnson and #9, Heavy Bosom. Rounding out the field is #10, Merry Cherry.

They’re at the gate, and …. they’re off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs

Vertical Lines

Are you a fan of the humorous lines that run in the gutters of the network pages? Here’s a bunch of them for you – none of them are duplicative of the others in this issue.

• I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is nor looking good either.

• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

• Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

• I don’t have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

•Last night, as I laid in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, I thought to my self, where the heck is the ceiling?

•My reality check bounced.

•On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

•I don’t suffer from stress; I’m a carrier.

•You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

•Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

•Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

•Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

•A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

•Don’t be irreplaceable - if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted

•After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

•The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

•You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

•Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will hap pen to you the rest of the day.

•When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

•Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

•To err is human; to forgive is not our policy.

•Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he/she is sup posed to be doing.

•Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the email.

•If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

•You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

•People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

•If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

•At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

•When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

•Following the rules will not get the job done.

•Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

•When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by re ducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”

•The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible or everything that goes wrong.

ANDREW FELDER aafelder@crestpublicationsgroup.com Managing Editor & Publisher

and Big Johnson and in a very tight spot.

At the halfway mark it’s Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.

The horses are in the stretch…. Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive.

Passionate Lady is coming. They’re at the finish… and it’s Big Johnson giving everything he’s got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It almost a dead heat, but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.

On the Record

Beginning with this issue, the network will publish six times each year. If you’re a regular reader, enjoy more of the same as well as new features. If you are a new reader, enjoy more of what you see here. We hope you become a regular.

InBox

One (of the many) things I really enjoy about the network are the astounding buildings and architectural design of places I thought were third world countries, or at least under-developed parts of those countries (i.e., the pictures of Guiyang, China). It’s really eye-opening.

- Robert Batterman, Houston

The Sister Cities series is a great idea – and thanks for starting with Fort Worth

- Angelica Gordon, Aledo

I’m going to New York City in May and, thanks to your piece on Federal Plaza, I’ve a new ‘must visit’ place to my itinerary.

- Jennifer Stoughton, Tyler the network is the only magazine I read page by page because I never know what to expect….and I’m never disappointed. Keep up the great work!

- Bill Rivers, Dallas

Ed. Thanks, Bill. We appreciate that – and we appreciate you and readers like you! See On the Record in the Editor’s Note.

My First Time

The sky was dark

The moon was high

All alone

Just her and I. Her hair so soft

Her eyes so blue

I knew just what

She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft

Her legs so fine

I ran my fingers

Down her spine.

I didn’t know how

But I tried my best

To place my hands

On her breasts.

I remember my fear

My fast beating heart

But slowly she spread

Her legs apart.

And when she did it

I felt no shame

All at once

The white stuff came.

At last it’s finished

It’s all over now

My first time thenetwork EXECUTIVE STAFF

Milking a cow.

ANDREW A. FELDER

Publisher/Managing Editor aafelder@crestpublicationsgroup.com

JEANNE LE BRAS

Graphic Designer jeannelb93@gmail.com

MARK ANGLE Director of Business Development mark@crestnetwork.com thenetwork CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

ANGELA O’BYRNE, AIA Amazing Buildings

ROSE-MARY RUMBLEY Herstory

ANTHONY BARBIERI Legal

JULIE BRAND LYNCH Professionals on the Move

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Just call 682.224.5855 or email editor@crestnetwork.com and mention this ad to learn more about this advertising sales opportunity thenetwork ADVISORY BOARD

ANDY GABEHART

President & CEO of Office Interiors Group, 247Workspace.com, United Electronics Recycling