Wisdom Begins with a Word

by Carol Castillo

Stop Letting Your Past Ruin Your Present

• A parent describes living with the knowledge of their son’s suicide as having completely detonated and destroyed their emotional well-being.

• A neighbor is so hurt and traumatized by infidelity that it seems impossible for the marriage to ever move past it.

• A co-worker is fired because the poison of an abusive childhood leached into current work relationships in a thousand harmful ways.

Emotion and memory are linked. Memories we recall easily are usually associated with intense emotions. Traumatic events can etch themselves deep into our brains and leave lasting impressions.

Post-traumatic stress happens not just to combat veterans, but to survivors of tragedy, violence, and loss. Persistently ruminating on past events can cause significant emotional distress and interfere with daily living.

Christians who’ve experienced the love and forgiveness of Jesus and have a genuine relationship with Him are sometimes surprised and dismayed to discover their pasts aren’t as readily erased as their sin. Sin, though forgiven, has consequences. One of them is living with far-reaching results of tragic events or sinful choices, even when they were outside your control.

It's normal to think about the past from time to time. But if we’re not careful, the roots of past shame, regrets and trauma can entangle themselves around our current life in Jesus and choke the joy out of it.

A Man with a Dark Past

For the rest of his life, the Apostle Paul had to live with knowing that he had sought the murder of people guilty of nothing more than confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord. As a devout Pharisee bent on destroying Jesus believers, Paul (then called Saul) witnessed and approved the stoning of Stephen (Acts 6-7 tells Stephen’s story). After his conversion, people who had suffered tremendous persecution at his hand struggled with believing that his conversion was real.

With a past like that it’s no wonder Paul humbly referred to himself as “chief of sinners” (I Timothy 1:15). It was the very depravity of Paul’s past that kept him humble and grateful while being mightily used by God. He never lost sight of who he might still be were it not for the unmerited grace of God, His everlasting mercy, and His gift of salvation.

Paul didn’t run from his past. He didn’t deny it or try to shirk accountability. He faced it with grace and honored God for delivering him from the sin of it.

Instead of his past becoming Satan’s tool of self-condemnation, his past became God’s tool for self-transformation and proof that not even a vile murderer was beyond God’s redemptive love.

Paul learned from his past but didn’t live in it. He said, “Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race…” (Philippians 3:13-14 NLT). He kept his mind trained on a single focus and refused to give distracting memories, regrets and heartache any power over his present.

How Can We Get Past Our Past?

The past must be confronted in a healthy way. We cannot change the past, but we can face it and honor its rightful place. Lessons learned about ourselves through self-examination can be beneficial and help us gain new understanding and self-awareness.

Think of yourself as an archaeologist. An archaeologist goes into a dig with preparation and purpose to retrieve treasure from the past. They know what’s important to discover and have an identified goal in mind. The dig area is braced and supported properly so there isn’t a cave in. Safety is paramount to the recovery process.

Start with safety. Examine what you believe about God. If you see Him as a disapproving authoritarian ready to condemn you for every mistake, you won’t feel safe enough in His presence to move on to the next step.

Spend time in His Word and in prayer to gain understanding of your privileges as His child. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says you are a new creation in Christ. You’re no longer defined by your past; your now is all that matters: you are a beloved child of God, King of the Universe, Lord of all Creation. God is love and He delights in you. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” ) (Hebrews 4:16 ESV).

Express it. What happened must be expressed. Hidden and bottled feelings and memories will eventually find a way to emerge, usually in the worst possible way. Holding on to them leads to emotional and physical symptoms like anxiety, depression, heart palpitations, headaches, stomach pain, and unexplained fatigue.

Journal it out or verbalize it to God. He loves to sit with you and wants to hear your story. He listens with love and patience, with acceptance and mercy. Don’t judge your memories as bad or good or try to fix anything. Just let it be and get it all out without fear or self-justification.

Forgive it. Once everything is out on the table, forgive. Holding on to anger at someone gives them power over you. Only God has power over you. Let Him handle any past wrong.

Sometimes we think we’ve forgiven everyone involved but we overlook forgiving ourselves. Treat yourself with mercy and compassion. You can’t love others until you truly love yourself.

Stop replaying it mentally, wishing for a different outcome. Stop wishing for retribution against whoever wronged you. Stop hoping that if you talk about it often enough, people will believe your side of the story.

It’s done and it’s over. It’s not going away and it’s not changing. Accept it, forgive it, learn from it, and move forward.

Surrender it. This is the hardest part. You’ve done your part by digging through the mess and retrieving all your memories. You’ve been honest and transparent with God. You’ve forgiven. Now what?

Once an archaeologist has found all that can be gained from a dig, they stop shoveling and close the dig site.

Now it’s time to let go of the shovel and walk away from your past. Continuing only buries you in more dirt. It's impossible to heal from old wounds if you keep digging into them.

The Past is a Nice Place but You Don’t Want to Live There.

Going forward, resolve to live in the now. Enjoy the current moment. Find one thing to express thanksgiving for daily. Get your eyes off yourself and focus on helping others and growing God’s kingdom.

If possible, physically distance yourself from constant reminders. When you feel an urge to dig at old wounds, dig deeper into the Word instead. This process may take time but with determination and practice, you can do it.

And when your past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.

“Do not remember the former things, or ponder the things of the past.”

Isaiah 43:18 AMP

This article is geared to people who struggle with the past but is not a substitute for professional counseling. If you feel as though your past is causing you extreme distress, professional counseling may also help.